I have been with a few ladies who thought they just lie there and make moaning noises, then again some guys think thrusting as hard and fast as possible is what women want and think if a woman is in pain afterwords they did a good job
>then again some guys think thrusting as hard and fast as possible is what women want
Yeah we got that from what we learnt in PhD... PornHub Degree
I call that "move" The Bunny
I have a friend that calls it ‘The Jackhammer.’
You two could meet in the middle and call it the jackrabbit
Better too because ‘the jackhammer’ is already a sexual position.
Fuck, and here I was thinking Bunhammer
Ahaha sorry but this almost killed me and now I can’t stop laughing. Thank you!
I would consider it more a total lack of sex education from schools or parents. So instead most people turn to other sources. Porn, magazines or other media. And nine time outta ten that stuff is either just assumed or for show.
My wife and I both became more attentive after we just started asking each what felt good or the other liked.
Your parents shouldn't tell you how to lay pipe. Just the act of it. Alot of girls are different and men too. Learn from doing and talking like how you mentioned.
> Your parents shouldn't tell you how to lay pipe.
something something broken arms, every thread.
I wish I didn't understand that reference.
I don't think schools or parents are responsible for teaching kids what's pleasurable during sex...
Why not? Of course schools don’t have give a play by play of how to have good sex. But I actually think it would actually be a good idea and HIGHLY beneficial for sex ed to address very common misconceptions with facts, such as the idea that women can orgasm from penetration alone, or that most men have 7+ inch dicks and can last for an hour.
Sadly, the influence of porn has made sex unenjoyable for most women.
Edit: why are all the men on this thread denying that women dont get off as often as men because they are too lazy to engage in foreplay? Ladies, where are y'all at? Can you tell men that we dont get off everytime we have sex unlike men please?!
I agree. Porn is not even sexy anymore. It's so corny and generic. Some of the girls may be attractive and cute but they are mostly not sexy.
The squirting thing, pulling apart their buttholes so you can see their insides, the unrealistic storylines, the over exaggerated moaning...that's why I prefer watching homemade porn. The people could look like anything in the face, but it wouldn't matter to me. I just fast forward until I see balls and a vagina and let my Hitachi go to work. (Tmi but it's true)
Porn is the worst. Especially for young adults and teenagers. They get a completely unreasonable and unrealistic idea of how fast a plumber can get to your house...
Never mind all the ‘step’ people! Wtf?
Thank you! I never watched porn, and when I eventually did, I was already sexually active. I was so turned off and disgusted by it, the stuff porn stars make is gross and totally over exaggerated. All of it lacks love and affection, it's all about gratification, and from my experience that's not sex between two people. I came across homemade porn, and it's actually loving and real sex. That is the shit that needs to be normalized and is what porn stars should try making.
I stopped watching porn about a month ago after doing so for 20 years, my desire for women seems to be revamped.
> Edit: why are all the men on this thread denying that women dont get off as often as men because they are too lazy to engage in foreplay? Ladies, where are y'all at? Can you tell men that we dont get off everytime we have sex unlike men please?!
I've been told this is the exact reason that the women I've talked to aren't more spontaneous with sex even with a dedicated partner. It is not 100% a done deal that the sex is going to end with the big O for them.
I've always made it my goal that they get one before I do and that makes relationships much more enjoyable in the sex department.
Woman here: I'll preface this by saying that I am extremely sexually satisfied with my husband. However, sex ALWAYS end with his orgasm. I orgasm like 90% of the time (of course, monthly period and other things that prevent me from enjoying the deed). I count myself in the "top 1%" of women with how often I reach climax in sexual encounters, but sex always ends with his orgasm unless something very very significant happens to prevent him from enjoying himself.
>I have been with a few ladies who thought they just lie there and make moaning noises
wait, you're getting moaning noises?
Ah yes. The limp starfish. My ex's favorite position.
I feel like the ladies are just too used to wham bam thank you ma'am.
Hmm well I've only been with one man that's ever made me come so. It's really not a man or woman thing it's a personality thing. It's no one's fault except your own if you want to stay with someone that does not please you sexually, emotionally, physically etc
In short, we're both idiots
I had a one time hook up with a Woman who I was sure was actually trying to pull my dick out from the root while giving me a tug. Then she gave me the toothiest BJ ever and got mad because I could finish lol
The next time she came over and implied she wanted to hook up I politely declined.
I got a handjob from a girl who was using my nuts as a backboard to slam her fist against I guess for more momentum going back up the shaft. It was terrible, thankfully it progressed to her mouth which was better.
I feel sorry for your experience but you made me laugh so much
Yeah that was great
One of my buddies got a squeeze job in high school.
These can be super dangerous if you are still rocking your dick crown. I had a friend who had his "banjo string" torn. A lot of blood apparently. Not a sexy experience.
The constant flow of red colored semen is never a good shade to witness. It can also turn the tantalizing rigidness of a penis flaccid quickly.
Id imagine there was no semen. Dont quote me on that but its an educated guess.
As someone who’s torn his banjo string, it’s definitely no semen just a TON of blood
How do you even recover from that
It heals on it’s own, just gotta make sure to keep the wound clean. I spent $300 dollars at the emergency room for them to say “Nah it’ll heal fine”
Yikes that must have been painful
wth is a squeeze job?
Given the context I think it's fair to assume that it's a very rough hand job.
If only that penis was really an udder and your buddy was actually a cow. Think about all that free non homogenized milk you would have. That's what I'm talking about!
Shes just mashing it!
There’s no up and down motion, just squeezing. Like you’re trying to pump something.
[TELL ME MORE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH7ZaG0QqY0)
I have a story that's identical to this
Your pfp confused me at first... damn
The White-knuckler strikes again
I don’t get why women are expected to know how to give a handjob and blowjob, yet we’re supposed to communicate and teach men how to please us?
Not using teeth or trying to dislodge it from my body seems pretty basic.
You could have educated her, would have taken two seconds to say "hey no teeth please"
We called them white knucklers in college lol.
Ah yes a white knuckler?
It is simple: for both sexes, if you do not like what the other person is doing then politely coach them, if they will not listen or do not care, then get someone else.
Communication is key. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want/need. Some people are selfish lovers in a variety of ways, and there are other areas of relationships partners can be quite selfish in too. You make it work or you move on.
My ex was pretty selfish in bed. His idea of sex was fast pounding and no foreplay. I tried a lot to tell him I like foreplay and he would begrudgingly do it. It felt shitty that I had to remind him about it. After a while of having to remind him every time to do foreplay, I figured out he wasn’t going to change and I moved on. My hands now do a way better job than he ever did.
Funny story.. when I told him I needed a break to think about our future, he asked if he could sleep with other women while I decide. Well that saved me the trouble.
Looks like you dodged a load on that one
3 years too late but finally I did it.
I didn’t realise it then but now looking back I see there was a lot of pressuring from his side for sex. We start watching a movie at home together? Half an hour in and he wants sex. Meanwhile I just wanted for once to just cuddle and simply watch a fucking movie together.
That man gave me lasting trauma and I fear I’ll bring that into my next relationship.
If you want my advice, do your best to work on yourself before you start a new relationship. Being in a relationship doesn't solve any mental health problems.
Thank you. ❤️ I’ve been working on this and undergoing therapy. Everyday it gets a little bit better.
This. Me and my SO are pretty awkward in general, so it’s taken a bit to get into a sexual groove. She’s still a bit self-conscious and I’m still awkward about some things so we still have some work to do, but the progression has been amazing. It went from me not being able to get an erection with her due to nervousness and her not being able to orgasm, to us now having multiple sessions back-to-back, each ending with us in a satisfied heap of creamy, frothy, sweaty exhaustion. Communication truly is key.
Dude I-...I don't want to hear about your 'creamy, frothy, sweaty exhaustion'.
I get it. He could have used a less repugnant choice of words, but I really like his sentiment here.
Any chance you could expand on the "frothy" part?
Sorry, man. Lol. You gotta understand, though. It was like my dick didn’t work and it was causing a strain on the relationship because she thought it was her fault and I couldn’t prove that it wasn’t. When it finally happened, it was like when we discovered fire for the very first time. I’m hoping everyone makes it to that point.
Hey man, people on this site are fucking horrible if you say anything slightly out of pocket. You just gotta have thick skin and speak your mind. But I feel you I used to have performance problems too (the word performance even bothers me, like we shouldn’t have to “perform” for our partners), it just comes down to just relaxing and not caring what happens during sex, because it’s all just for fun anyway.
Yessir. You’re 100% correct about the thick skin part. And yeah, the idea of it being a performance is stupid to me, as well. Like you said, it’s just for fun, so it should be effortless. I’m good to go now for the most part, but I’m the kind of person that’s in my head a lot anyway, so sometimes I psyche myself out. Hasn’t happened in a good while, though.
I know how you feel. I thought there truly was something wrong with me but I did research on it and found that it’s actually pretty common. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Shit happens. Guys just get too far into their heads, sometimes.
Exactly. This should be a part of sex ed or something. Guys should be able to talk to each other about it, but I feel like it’s a taboo topic and could also be mistaken for a sign of weakness, so it’s not spoken of. I know when it first happened to me at 25, it freaked me out. I thought something was wrong with me until I actually sat down and did some research and then had a long conversation with my manager of all people. I’m glad I caught it when I did, because then I’d be really fucked up.
You’re right. I forgot to mention that part, initially. I did notice that things worked just fine in other situations, but did not in that specific situation. And I’m not sure how to do it, but I will try to link to an article I found online. [ED causes](https://www.healthline.com/health/erectile-dysfunction/young-men)
What's the male equivalent of starfish?
So what you're really saying is everyone is bad at sex?
Poor communication = bad sex, good communication = good sex.
If equals means leads to. You can great communication and still not get it right. You can be dysfunctional and accidentally get it right.
Eat her out before laying pipe ya bastards
Actual quote from a woman that was kind enough to share my bed previously: Oh, go ahead and get it over with, don't make it one of those all-night deals.
And she *still* can't figure out why I went somewhere else...
What?? You can't git it in now? Jesus what's wrong with you... my last bf could always get it hard. (How I imagine the rest of that conversation going.)
The last boyfriend bit hits a bit close to home. It hurts real bad.
Had a ex tell me that she should never have to touch me if I was a man I would be super hard just looking at her. Terrible.
Sounds toxic af
Sure was glad I got out
Good job. Those people suck.
I had an ex that was basically the same way. Refused to even think about blowjobs until about a year into the relationship. The sex was incredible and I was always generous with going down on her but it was absolutely bonkers that she never even thought that she should reciprocate until it was basically too late
Sounds like she spent too much time reading Cosmopolitan and /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Wtf is that sub
A bunch of women living in la la land
Incel women, many of which think they're celibate because no man can live up to their ridiculous standards, but really, nobody wants to deal with their insane mind games and shit tests.
Basically, take all the wrong lessons from rom-coms and romance books and crank it up past 11 and that's FDS.
I was briefly with a girl who just lied there silently and did the best corpse impression that I've ever seen during sex. I asked her if there was anything I should be doing differently and she said everything was fine. I ended things with her shortly after that because that is a blow to anyone's ego lol
'Everything's fine' lolol
That's awful :(
Did we have the same ex? I thought I was doing it wrong for a long time as she was my first. But my wife disagrees and we both think she was just a lousy lay. Makes sense that she has several kids with all different fathers.
Jesus... that would kill my libido if my partner said that
My ex was definitely that type. She fucked like a tranquilized mattress.
What if they told you that they wished you had tattoos mid thrust? Or a really long beard? I'm not into either and I don't know why I stayed as long as I did.
"Uhh I can try to get a hold of ZZ top for you..."
Brings new meaning to ZZ TOP
Implies the existence of a ZZ Bottom
ZZ on Top 🤣
I mean I have tattoos and I have a beard
Hahahahah. I think she's single, want me to send you her info?
I don’t think my wife would like that
No problem at all hahaha. She would likely tell you you're a gaslighter and a cheater. So trouble averted.
"Are you in yet?" Another boner killer quote from the archives of the internet.
Never stick your dick in crazy. But apparently not sticking your dick in crazy is also bad for you.
Not as bad as sticking your dick in it.
You pay a price regardless but you get to choose how steep that price is.
Moral of the story: don't even talk to crazy
But in order to know if she's crazy you have to talk to her first. There is no escape
True but if you scan for red flags the instant you meet new people then you can hopefully get out within the first couple hours and that will be much less pricey than multiple weeks of dating and intercourse.
Yes but sometimes crazy reveals itself after you’ve been with said crazy so how does one make sure to stay away from crazy
playing it safe by not sticking your dick in anything /s
Lmaoooo I was gonna say something like, "that's on you for sticking your dick in that" buuuuuuuut if I had a dime for every time I ignored the red flags, I'd be rich
It’s up to you to train your partner to do things the way you like it.
Bad lovers are the ones that don’t listen.
I did a lot of stuff for my ex gf, the only thing I really wanted her to do was put the phone down for a few hours to spend some quality time together every once and a while. She claimed we were incompatible in the end and her philosophy was that people should just fit together perfectly without having to do anything different.
She came from an upper class family so I kinda thought she'd never hear me out anyways.
Bruh your ex sounds like my ex. He did not believe in mutual communication in a relationship and thought that everything just had to work out perfectly. After, what I thought, were 2.5 great years he broke up with me from one day to the other because we were “incompatible” and I wasn’t giving him what he needed. Needless to say he never actually told me what that might be. Took a while to get over that because it was so abrupt but I can see now how it was for the best.
I always wonder though if they were actually into me. Would they have made that effort if they were? Why do I care? I like answers I guess.
Did your ex give you any absolution in the end? The last thing mine said to me in person was "there'll be another time to show me your painting, I have to go" and broke up with me over text the next day. She didn't even want to see me one last time, even though that closure would have helped me. Oddly enough they seemed angry at me even though they ended it and told me I was very good to them. Confusing lady.
Fortunately I was not that poorly off in my case. We were extremely close (apart from that aspect) so the break up hit both of us quite hard. Which made me actually spiral even more because I was convinced that it would have been avoidable. In the end I have concluded that our relationship had an expiration date when it started. I doubt it really ended because we were incompatible and had more to do with his desire to be single and exploring life (typical early twenties stuff). But as I said, I’m at a point now where I’m glad that it ended. It wasn’t what we needed at that time in our lives.
> Confusing lady
That is probably the biggest indicator that you guys shouldn’t be together. Relationships and your SO should not be confusing for either party.
Sounds like she was right. You're better off now.
Thanks for that.. Rationally I know this but my loyalty and big heart gets in the way of being rational sometimes even months later.
Completely agree with this. I do want to say as a women it can be really awkward to bring up what you like. Not because it's awkward asking what you want, but some men (in my experience) because offended/ hurt. A good partner will listen, a selfish partner will see it as an ego attack
And likewise bad lovers are the ones that dont take guidance. Which ime woman are not as receptive to. I think its because there is an expectation that men are to please women in bed/"your lucky your getting what your getting". Often when I've given a suggestion in how to do something different it's been met with "this is how I do this". Which I couldn't imagine if I as a man had the same mentality.
Ime many men have the same mentality. If you guide their hand so they actually hit something useful they'll just move it right back and let you know "I know what I'm doing, this always work, if you don't enjoy it you're the problem". So, seems like its just a people thing, not a gender thing.
A lot of complaints in these comments could be addressed by TALKING TO YOUR PARTNER
reddit + communication
what a dream
Heh, that's not the Reddit way. Either they psychically meet 99.9% of all one's needs or you need to break up and go no contact ;-)
My problem with being attentive to men and how they feel is that many of them don’t give that much „feedback“ they mostly just shut up and don’t make any noises so you don’t even know if you blow him the way he likes it or not. It kind of feels like women are supposed to be making noises as a form of showing if he is doing it right, but men never do that.
I was going to say this exactly.
I used my tongue under my guy's foreskin because I knew other guys who liked that. He waited WEEKS to tell me he DIDNT.
I hate it when men are completely silent except for the deepthroat. It kills my drive. It kills my confidence. I try so hard to make him feel good, but that's always just going to be up to chance if he doesnt communicate when he likes it or what he likes. It's like asking us to read a blank book. It's not a matter of me being selfish because I am trying *so hard*. Even OP says he turns it to an endurance game. NO! Do NOT endure! Tell me if you dont like it! Tell me what you like! Let me know when it feels good and when it doesnt!
That's what my ex said, but when I make bird noises before orgasm it's "weird" and "off-putting". Make up your mind society.
Chirp chirp mother ducker !
If I'm getting my dick sucked and it feels good I'm more vocal than a seal watching her cubs get beaten!
I guess you’re part of a minority then... keep that up
What keep giving feedback or keep clubbing baby seals to death in front of their parents?
Don't stop please!! It's such a turn on to hear a man being vocal. During a bj or sex is an ego boost and it really make me feel that my work is appreciated and push me to do even better
It stresses me out so much when guys are just silent and give me no indication of if they like what I'm doing or not, especially if I don't know how long it takes them to finish on average. It absolutely destroys my confidence in what I'm doing in the moment and I stop enjoying what we're doing because now I'm convinced that I'm bad and they're not enjoying themselves.
I just stop and when they look at me bewildered I tell them it seems like he's not enjoying it. That usually gets them to participate more vocally.
Youre much braver than I am. I usually just try to finish them and then leave as quickly as possible so that I can go feel like shit about myself in peace.
I would strongly suggest you try, periodically, pausing, looking them in the face and saying, “This feel good?” (Do motion.) “More, yes?”, “Tell me when it feels good.” When they inadvertently make a noise say something like, “Mmm, that’s nice! Do that more, it’s sexy.” Be blunt, “I want to hear your enjoyment. I like it when I can hear your responses.” “It turns me on to hear you make noise when I’m blowing you.”
Should any men get this far and read this comment....make noise. It’s sexy and arousing. If your partner hits a spot that feels extra nice, say something! “Yes, right there. Oh fck!”
I'd take just 'oh fuck' to be honest
Sounds like you just need to communicate with your sexual partners, instead of enduring it/being in pain. Neither partner can be mind readers, both need to put in the effort to listen and ask for what they want. Every partner I’ve had likes different things, so what works for one wouldn’t work for another.
This goes for men as well as women, obviously. If a woman isn’t sexually satisfied then she needs to make that known. If after expressing your needs your partner still disregards them, then they are truly crap in bed.
The grin and bear it years are far in the past, thankfully, but I wish it was something parents would teach their kids because it's kind of an important part of growing up.
That's actually a really good thought... to teach children that sort of thing when giving the sex talk. That communication is really important in sex. Good idea!
It's hard for me to know if I'm making my man uncomfortable or if I'm hurting him because he makes the exact same noises and moves the exact same way when he's actually feeling good and when he's not
OK but being bad in bed is not the same as being selfish in bed
Yeah Id take a 'bad' lover over a selfish one any day.
A girl doesnt need to be a blowjob wizard or have the hip control of a belly dancer for the sex to be amazing.
THIS. When women are complaining about it, they are usually in my experience complaining that guys don't care if they come, and are only in it for their own pleasure, don't reciprocate etc. OP appears to be complaining about something different- that women try to pleasure them but aren't good at it. In which case that's on you to tell them what you like.
Having had sex with both men and women, women have generally been less selfish lovers, though that has changed to being more equal as I've gotten older so I think a lot of it is just an emotional maturity thing.
This needs to be wayyyy higher
This is usually a problem solved by communication in a relationship. One night stands generally aren’t going to be the best sex ever
My ex girlfriend was JACK HAMMER, ORGASM, REST, REPEAT.
Just wanted the bare minimum foreplay, everything else was boring.
It wasnt bad a first, she was incredibly vocal, aggressive & and into a lot of fun kinky shit. But when every session is a quicky and my attempts to switch things up resulted in impatient sass...
"This is boring, stick your cock in me"
"You want me to fall asleep? Or can you fuck harder than that?"
I dated someone like this too, though they didn't berate me for it. They would just whine like a 5 year old if I tried to deviate.
I told my boyfriend that we should use lube and his response was, “well that’s fucked up” and it instantly made me super self-conscious.
Yikes..... Nothing wrong with lube at all and nothing to be self conscious about. If using lube makes *you* feel better and he won't use it, then *he's* being a selfish partner
No, thats fucked up.
Lube is great.
I don’t understand why anyone would want to fuck somebody without getting them off.
Like when I was first having sex in college, I had no idea what I was doing. I’m sure I was awful at sex.
But as soon as I experienced a girl cumming for the first time, I was like.... ohhhhh that’s what I should be doing. That’s way better!
Do some people just never go through this development?
Can we just agree people are bad?
Yeah people suck.
But that's ok, because I suck.
Ok I’m a old cat. I come from the “do you know how to make a woman cum? Who cares ? Generation. I’ll be married 27 years soon, the most important thing is to make it enjoyable for her. Put her first every time. If you do, you will find it easier to have more frequent quality time with her in the future.
I’m just saying, if I compare the quality of head I’ve received, to the quality of head I’ve given, I’ve definitely been robbed.
I'll say this. For woman, it's kind of hard to get feedback from men. They don't make much noise and 9 times out of 10 they cum anyway. As long as a woman (or anyone) isn't selfish, they can easily be a 5/10 lover
Well practice makes perfect
There’s a difference between men being selfish lovers and not doing anything to help their partners get off and women just not being good in bed lol
If something they’re doing is painful USE YOUR WORDS I promise nobody will be offended that you’re in pain. What feels good for some might feel bad for others. You’re an adult, learn to communicate
Hmm I don’t really see how this is comparable. You’re saying men get a bad rep for being selfish lovers but that women are also bad in bed. But that’s not the same thing. The examples you’re giving is that some women just don’t get what feels pleasurable for men but at least they’re actually trying. The difference is that when women say men are selfish in bed we mean that they don’t even try at all. Skip foreplay, stick it in dry and basically use your body to masturbate. That’s what women are talking about. It’s different if a man tried but couldn’t seem to grasp what’s pleasurable, as that’s not selfish just being bad in bed. And I guess that’s what you’re trying to say about some women too. But yeah when we say a man is being selfish in bed we don’t mean bad we just mean there’s absolutely no attempt to please the woman.
thank you for putting my thoughts into words
*They're not very attentive when it comes to noticing whether what they're doing is enjoyable or uncomfortable, sometimes downright painful, and it often ends up an exercise in mental endurance waiting for it to be over.*
Have you considered using your words?
Told this guy, I needed more foreplay because it hurts going in dry. He was like okay, then proceeded to shove his dick in my mouth and then fuck me. Guess he thought I meant more foreplay for him...
I'm bisexual with a strong lean to women but the best blowjobs I've ever had were from a man.
Why? Obviously because when you have the thing you know what to do with it better.
Most times I've had sex with women they've expected me to do 90% of the work so it just ends up being less enjoyable.
Perhaps this is anecdotal but that's just my experience
I’m bisexual too but in my (admittedly small) sample size I’d say the opposite sex is better sexually.
My reasoning is that because someone has the same organs as you, they assume you’ll like what they like when you may not.
Lol “My friends say guys are bad at sex, but they’re wrong because I’m a guy and I’ve only had bad sex with women” is my favourite hot take of the day.
I've been in encounters where her best sexual technique was to lie motionless. No interaction. No amount of coaching on mutual interaction was considered. Things ended quickly for those gals.
Ahhh the ol horny starfish...
LOL! That's brilliant!
Yeauh those first couple of weeks with a new GF can be really bogus. I just had to be very blunt with my new GF and tell her we need at least one night to "get to know" each other and do things with a sense of exploration. It's worked well so far and now she doesn't mash my penis and I know that my fingers are thicker than what she was used to (which was no foreplay at all, yikes.)
I think that's where communication comes into play. From my own experience, men don't like any direction because they see it as a criticism of the skills they thought they had, or it contradicts what they learned in porn. I always ask, "Is there anything you want me to do?,""Is this ok," "Is there anything you've ever wanted to try and never gotten to?" Etc. I try to have the "treat others how you want to be treated," mindset, hoping one of these days it will come back around but no such luck.
This all stems from making sex so taboo to speak about. People should be more open to communicate about their likes and dislikes to their partners and be open to exploring together.
Well.. I mean we, womin folk were told for generations, that sex is just for procreation, anything else is sinfull..not sure wtf is it you expect now lads
/s just in case.
People regardless of gender are generally selfish lovers at one point or another. We are all trained to be automagically good at something that is wildly subjective.
Sure the general parts are the same, but people respond differently to different things so we unfortunately have created a society where sex is approached, in general, as a paint by numbers game instead of exploration.
Men, again in general, are expected to be able to make their partner orgasm without any instruction or input from that partner about what their bodies like.
And women, in general, are expected to be the pure virgin, who is also the wild seductress, but also told that they shouldn’t say what they like because it might upset their partners ego. It’s either that or they are told that if a guy is unable to get her off it’s his fault for not being *fill in the blank* enough.
Basically, start talking to your sexual partners. Make not knowing or wanting to learn more about what they respond well to part of tour sex life and foreplay. You will not regret it.
Bad at sex and being selfish at sex are very different things. Not enough foreplay can actually hurt the woman at worst and make her feel really uncomfortable at best. Selfish is when you communicate with your partner that you want something more or different and they don't care or try to make the effort. Bad is when they don't know what they are doing because you haven't communicated.
There’s a difference between lack of knowledge and selfish intention.
It’s possible these women who are bad in bed just want to get off but it’s also possible they think what they’re doing is mutually enjoyable.
I wouldn’t conflate the two.
Never been with dudes, but been with plenty of women and have encountered far more pillow princesses than givers. I’m a giver. My LEAST concern is my dick and my orgasm. Only a handful of times have I met a woman who is also a giver. But I really enjoy them when I do encounter them. A giver + a giver = a really good time!
Sometimes I am so greatful that I'm gay...
“They’re not very attentive when it comes to noticing whether what they’re doing is enjoyable or uncomfortable, sometimes downright painful, and it often ends up an exercise in mental endurance waiting for it to be over”
See, if this is the case, *you’re doing it wrong*.
Communication, ever heard of it?
I think this is possibly also due to sleeping around (which I have no issue with that if people choose to do this, so that's not what I mean at all). I just think if you're in a long term loving and committed relationship, you're more likely to be more mutual and attentive about it.
If you're sleeping around or having flings(again, not judging this at all), you're more likely going to have a shitty experience.
Sometimes even in long committed relationships it can take years to get more and more comfortable and aware.
Source: in a 9 years and counting relationship
Yes! All the shitty sex I ever had was casual sex. The mind blowing sex comes when you know your partner and learn what they like and visa versa. My first serious boyfriend had a hard time lasting more than a couple pumps which obviously did nothing for me, so we focused on him learning to give good oral (communication!) and holy hell...His wife doesn’t know it but she can thank me for that. Best sex I ever had is with my current boyfriend (18 yrs together). I can’t speak for all women, but for me it takes time to get comfortable enough to be adventurous. I need to have some sort of emotional connection to open up and be vulnerable. When you feel totally comfortable and trust your partner, the possibilities are endless and it’s SUPER fun. So the best sex in my experience comes with time, trust, experimentation and communication. Nobody can be a mind reader especially with sex. Pleasure and pain can look and sound similar so if it’s not working, SAY something. Nicely. There will always be selfish lovers but being selfish and being inexperienced is not the same thing.
It's all down to chemistry. Without it, the sex will never be good, no matter how much foreplay there is.
I've always been called good in bed, but I hesitate to accept that. The only thing that drives any good sexual performance is a deep love and respect for the other. When sex becomes an intimate expression for that person uniquely, how to be a good lover requires little thought.
To answer a specific question, I think that some momentary discomfort for the sake of a lover's pleasure can be quite reasonable, so long as it does not bring down the whole experience. My wife sometimes needs me to do things a certain way because it brings her amazing pleasure, and though it can be a strain at points, making her happy that way rewards my heart so fully that she can have that anytime.
I think the difference is that most guys are super anxious about doing things right but don’t know what they’re doing is wrong. We either aren’t told, or just plain don’t know where to start. On the other hand, women, at least the ones I’ve been with, seem to have no clue that they’re bad in bed.
My wife humps away like a teenage boy, then stops as soon as she has an orgasm.
I tell her to take her time.. but she's got better things to do.
I think most people just need to be better at communicating. If your partner can’t handle you explaining what you like or don’t like, that’s the issue
Women are notorious for not putting in the effort as well. The only time I have ever had a woman put in effort was when I hooked up with a woman at a bar once that wasn't great looking and she really put the effort in.
Everytime I've hooked up with a woman she was pretty good looking and pretty much did nothing.