I am ftm and am 16 years old. I think im ND but undiagnosed. I wasnt to come out as trans to my family but I hate change and it scares me.

I am out to a few friends and nothing has really changed drastically. This past week I’ve been thinking about coming out at school for a level as I think one of my teachers could be transphobic but I definitely don’t want to spend the next two years still in the closet. I decided I wanted to come out at school because even if people treat me bad ik my friends are cool cause I already have come out to them and I have been bullied before so although it will suck it wont be that different.

However if i wanted to come out at school I should probably come out at home first as my little brother goes the same school and some of the students families know my family.

I tried to come out to my brother yesterday (14 year old cis male straight). This started because he brought up asexuality and as addition to being trans im also aroace spec and gay. Well he brought up asexuality n i asked if he even know what it is and then corrected his misinformation he told me he wouldn’t want to be with anyone like that and asked if I would and I said yes and when he asked why I told him I was asexual and he goes ha no ur not n proceeds to say I am not. Then I convince him n he goes oh okay and tells me he will keep it a secret for me.

So even though he was a bit of a twat I thought he was in the end cool so I impulsively told him I was trans because I knew if I didn’t then I wouldn’t have the guts to do it. He tells me I am not trans and laughs and I try to convince him I am as he thinks this is a joke. He goes do you have a dick and i say well obviously I don't and he goes so ur not a guy then are you. I say well i am and he says what so u want a dick n i go not really (because ik i don’t want bottom surgery or a dick even though I don’t like what I have now) and he says so ur not a guy then then refuses to believes me and then awkward silence and then he drags me into a shop and completely ignores what I have just told him.

I think he thinks that me coming out as asexual and trans was just a prank and now he is acting like none of it happened and confused why I’m agitated around him.

I think the rest of my family wont be much better. My mum already thinks I am trans but when she forced me to come out when I thought I was non binary she asked me a bunch of intrusive questions and then still treated me like a girl. I think she would support me but i hate her intrusiveness.

My dad honestly confuses the crap out of me. He makes “jokes” that are sexist, homophobic, transphobic, rasist all the bigotry, yet apart from that he is the nicest person I have ever met. He is supportive (for example when my mum told me not to go cut my hair my dad said although he thinks i should gradually go short as opposed to long straight to short that it is my hair and my life and I can do whatever i want with it).

My half brothers (i have 3). Idk how theyd react. I dont know any of their views but they all play along with my dads jokes. One is annoying. When i cut my hair short he kept calling me a lesbian (nothing against lesbians but as a closeted gay transman that not what you want to here). The one i see most jokingly told me to beat him up 😂

My grandma is a very nice person and left wing but i have no ideas on her views on this. I don’t know about my grandads either but i think he is more right wing.

Most if my extended family are left wing and will probably be okay with it.

I don’t know what to do about my family because I don’t want our relationships to change. Especially me and my dad because we are quite close but i have no idea how he’d react.

I just hate change so much and this is alot of change. I also do not trust my mum or my brother or any of my mums family (all the family mentioned except my half brothers) to keep this secret so if i come out to them i have to come out to my dad and his family.

Please give me some advise i have no idea where to go from here

Edit: I also hate talking about my feelings so I would probably cone out to parents and that on text because then i have time to think about it and to answer any responses