That's hilarious, yeah I'd have no idea why she was smiling either, I'd just be focused on unsticking my nads
I can't wait for Corona to be over. So I can observe this phenomenon in the wild.
The mall has become the zoo
Always has been.
Secret is out. No more malls.
Similar sound as Velcro? Dude you might want to have a doctor take a look at that
Dude's got hook and loop pubes
[I'm just going to leave this here ](https://youtu.be/rRi8LptvFZY)
Please stop awarding this dumb shit
I love when there's shit on the internet I haven't seen... This is incredible
Damn that was amazing. Time to go outside and play ultimate flying disk
Now tears in my eyes. Where's a Kleenex ®?
If your ears get clogged, here's a Q-tip ^TM
I’ve got a brand new ChapStick ® if you need some.
If that doesn’t help, perhaps relax in your Jacuzzi ® for a while
Knew it. Damn beat me to it.
I legit lol’d. I will remember this comment for future reference.
same here ha, still chuckling a few minutes later. trying to remember if i've ever actually heard the scrotum-thigh decoupling, or rather just "felt" the sound. might have to go test it out...
\*starts long-steppin' around the local supermarket\*
"Ahh, see, there's Jimmy doing the reddit longstep"
"And look, there's Steve's wife laughing at him"
I prefer to call it the Reddit goose step cuz Jimmy's got a real honker.
Does your wife have hook & loop pubes too? If so then you better watch out, you might lock yourselves together during sex, and untangling from that would be very unsexy.
Who needs a belt when you have Velcro pubes?
"I couldn't pull out in time, blame the velcro"
Right? Skin touching skin should be silent. I’ve not once heard my balls.
Ever look at velcro close up? Maybe damn hairy legs and sack. I can't imagine my ball hair getting ratted with my leg hair, but now I just did. I'm done with Reddit for now.
I'm super hairy and there's no velcro.
Just insane searing pain when you eventually rip the hair out after it got twisted together. The only sound is your screams.
If you don't at least trim your area, I feel like your wife/spouse secretly (or maybe openly) hates you. No one wants to floss while giving a BJ.
A few decades ago after Highschool I worked at a McDonald's and one of our Manager people was super hairy. Like his back and neck hair was so thick his shirt didn't rest on his shoulders, it rested on this 1/4" floof of curly blond. And you could see it and tell when you were talking to him. I'd never actually seen anyone that hairy before. I mean, I had seen Magnum PI without a shirt, so I knew it was a thing, but I was absolutely floored to see it in person. Awesome dude, one of the best leaders I've worked for, but we were a tight closing crew so that probably plays into that view.
And......did his balls sound like velcro?
Ba da ba ba rip
Asking the real important questions.
My father was like that. He was short and round and had a an incredible pelt of dark curly hair. At the beach he looked like a bear in a bathing suit. Except for his head, where he was bald. I've always believed that folks like my father and your manager are the reason people used to believe that there were humans who could shape-shift into bears.
My dad was super hairy as well, with a big beard. He sunburned bright red so he was a sight to behold at the beach. Had to use baby sunscreen, but was basically immune to the cold. Celtic/and or Pictish if I remember correctly, pretty much 100% North European. The hair actually offered him some protection from the sun.
Robin Williams was so hairy that he'd make fun of himself for it. I remember watching one of his standup specials and after he mentioned it I always seemed to notice hairy guys.
Somewhat related, most guys know that on a humid day you might want to throw some body powder down there. And, because I care, I want everyone here to know that body powder and foot powder are not interchangeable. Trust me, years ago I did the research so you don't have to.
Even worse is when you get a hair stuck in your throat
This is why I wear boxer briefs and not regular boxers.
I think it’s the sound you hear in your head, not an actual physical sound. Your brain adds it in, but it’s not really there.
I was already imagining this sound before OP described it so makes sense
Haha! I was once walking down the street in Chicago in the Loop, and had to take a couple big steps to remove my balls from my leg. This lady at a bus stop sees me, walks out following me, and says in a sassy/ogling tone “just look at this bow legged mother fucker, mmm hmmmm!”
Fucking cracks me up every time I think about it.
Sometimes I miss city life for this reason alone. You don’t have to say anything, just enjoy the random comedy and go about your day. Say that shit in a small/medium city and you’re asking for a confrontation.
I was in South Philly skipping school with some friends. It was one of the first nice days of spring. Walking around I got sweaty and the boys needed some adjustment, so I adjust. This dude comes outta nowhere and throws like a 5 pack of condoms at me and says “boy I think you need these more than I do.” I had just moved to Philly from bumfuck Wisconsin. Last time I was near a larger city was when I lived in Connecticut as a toddler. My friends on the other hand were all natives. I meekly told the guy thanks as I was being a 14 year old and this was the most embarrassing moment of my life that week. My friends (all dudes) fell out laughing at the whole thing. It was pretty funny to see this hayseed utterly confused why an old Rastafarian dude was throwing condoms around, and being so utterly red faced embarrassed by it all.
Aside from 24/7 everything, and bomb ass food, I miss that kinda shit once in awhile.
I once had a homeless crackhead weilding a hammer yell directly at me to "Do something" about this other crackhead who was just kinda sitting on the ground.
It was a bit startling at first but it is hilarious because of how absurd it was. This dude walked up to a 130 pound skinny jean wearing noodly boy and wanted me to help him with his "fight" against a guy that was easily three times my size. Fucking pure comedy dude.
Philly really do be something a little different
That's actually a good laugh. Thank you for the chuckle! Haha!
I was just walking around Chi at lunch with a bag of chik-fil-a in my hand, looking for a good spot to sit.
And some dude walked by says to his gf damn white people rlly like chicken
Def made me stop and think
Lady was following me and wife leaving the grocery store.
She says, "wooo-weee, look at them bowlers! I know why you married him!"
I was like, wtf? Lol
could... could she see them from the back??
And then you told millions of other women on Reddit about it.. boy you really can’t keep a secret..
What's he gonna tell next?
Some bro run over this bastard before his loose mouth causes real harm.
Loose lips sink dicks… wait no
Hello, I'm here for the *sinking*.
What are you… *sinking* about?
Is zis ze German Coastguard?
Probably gonna tell them why we like to put our hands in our pockets.
D00d! The enemy is listening...
Dood, we already know. Why do you think we keep fighting for pockets in our clothes?? We aren't the enemy, we are envious
User name checks out lol
Millions of women are on Reddit?
No we’re not
Wait a second...
Don't look now but I think that /u/PanickingArmistice might be a million women.
A million women in a trenchcoat.
And still no pockets, smh
She's at least 200,000 women, with a million more well on the way
Your women are very impressive, you must be very proud.
You are a bold one
Not just the women, but the children too
Oh come on. She's gotta be at least 2 million.
Who cares how many women she is, im waiting for the nice guy trying to bang one of her personalities
Well well m’lday, how are you this fine evening *tips fedora* And why I must say, what nice honkers you walk around with, such a shame you’re too busy chasing the wrong guys who won’t treat you right
Thanks, I hate it.
you forgot to point out how motherly the undulations of her milkers makes her look
I select you for bearing and mothering my children. Please, let us away to my domicile for fornication!
I think PanickingArmistice might be a Sith Lord.
Exactly. Keep moving along boys. Nothing to see here…
Oh good! I got worried for a second
Yep that's a bot
She knows what you like and she'll do it within a tolerance of one micron!
You couldn't afford me honey!
*points and howls Body Snatcher Donald Sutherland style*
Sounds like something a woman would type.
Millions of hot singles in your area!
How big is your area?
Wait... are you counting the dead ones too?
Well they are single!
Reminds me of Leela in the chat room “Hello!?! Are there any girls in this room at all?”
Millions of single girls want to meet you in your area.
No, we’re all men. With manly balls.
Manly balls, that stick to our legs during the summer. We definitely know why that feels like…
*unsticks her balls* *shhhhhluuuurp* ahhh yis, we sure do.
I sure love my very masculine balls yes
Shit you must have, like, 6 or 7 balls. *Way* macho.
Women are real? I thought they only exist on Reddit
Not we're not real don't worry
no women are not real. Its just political propaganda... i think
First rule of guy code, you don’t talk about guy code
Time for extermination...
The council has spoken!
"We have a turd in the punch bowl!"
The Daleks will rise once again!! EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE
Time for permanant de-velcroing
OP what’s your social security number and bank info?
I vote to revoke his man card for at least 3 months.
Time for a deBro procedure.
Sounds like velcro?
Absolutely not, unless this guy has a medical problem.
Dried and crispy cummies
What did we do to deserve this?
if you're a foley artist, maybe
Now I'm imagining an old school sound studio like Disney's, except they only make goofy Foley sounds for porn videos. Lots of bonks, whistles, and of course Velcro for balls lol
Lmfaooooo years ago my wife and I went through a similar event. One day when I was going to pee she asks if it was hard to pee with a penis, because in her mind it’s the easiest thing on earth. So I said go ahead babe, you drive. Not even 5 seconds later we’re both dying of laughter as she’s trying to aim my dick and effectively making me piss all over the place. Zero control what so ever! Hahahaha At this point I can’t even stop it because I’m laughing so hard and she’s freaking out trying to control this thing. Holy shit was that hilarious.
I tried this with my husband but it turns out he can’t pee when there’s others around. He has pee fright. So we ended up just standing there together in the bathroom in front of the toilet, my hand on his dick, in silence for about 5 minutes before I got shooed out
I’m literally dying!! Hahahaha that’s hilariously awkward!
I’ve never thought of this. But I will try it, and I will message you the results.
Peeing straight is easy, peeing straight while laughing is the equivalent to playing Tetris on 100x difficulty.
Like someone else mentioned, throw in a deep sneeze and you’re playing on hardcore mode! Hahaha
Wait until you try with morning wood.
Gotta do that 45 degree lean with one arm on the wall over the toilet so you can at least have any hope of aiming.
Amazing! Hubby let me do the same thing with the same results lol
lmao I can’t wait to try this with my girlfriend
Wait.. your girlfriend has a dick?
She’s the whole package
With a package!
Hey don't shame him for what he likes in a girl
I think you mean ON
I kind of want to try this with my husband now.
Am a gay guy, but thanks to early childhood bladder cancer I have not actually peed through my urethra since I was in diapers.
Wait... You have a girlfriend?
For us lifelong penis owners for whom controlling the beast is now second nature, can you walk us through why it turned out so messily?
Imagine watering plants with a gardening hose.
Now imagine somebody else is randomly turning on and off the water outside of your control, so you don't have control on how fast the water comes out, messing up your aim.
Even if you know how to aim, if you're helping somebody else aim you're going to have a lot less control than normal.
"Gunner, rotate penis to azimuth 190, elevation twelve, FIRE"
"Captain, this is a public restroom, ignore all instructions. Spray and Pray"
As someone with little bowel control, this explains a lot.
Also automatic lights, can be…interesting.
Sir this is Wendy's
Now imagine when the water turns on, instead of one steady stream, it forks in the middle and goes two different ways.
ahh the Moses effect.
> Now imagine somebody else is randomly turning on and off the water outside of your control, so you don't have control on how fast the water comes out, messing up your aim.
If the "hose" is doing that, please get the hose owner's prostate checked by a doctor.
The randomly turning on/off is if it’s somebody else’s hose, so you’re not the one in control of the “water” supply.
Ever tried to fire a rifle that's on someone else's shoulder?
Hint: you ain't hitting the broadside of a barn.
My dick does not have sights on it but I find it fascinating that yours does. This is more of a hip fire scenario.
I tried this with my boyfriend a few months ago! It's really hard to aim and I don't know when the strength of the stream will change and he ended having to take over part way through because I got stressed and just let go suddenly. That said, we were laughing the entire time and I honestly appreciate his willingness to even let me try. Haha
Ever try to let her drive with a rager? I hate morning wood and having to pee.
it's my favorite. much easier to piss into my mouth.
That's like an extra hardcore mode.
Don't do it unless you're in a controlled easily washed environment, like the shower.
There’s some times in life where a sit-down pee is the best solution
No way I'm gonna let anyone else fire this thing, I've been doing it for 30 years and can still barely hit the target
My wife thinks it’s funnier to slap my ass extremely hard and watch me end up peeing everywhere… while saying *Damnit look what you made me do!*
When I read "you drive" I thought you were in a car and literally having her drive. I got really confused by the next sentence and worried about the inside of your car.
Idk how I feel about this and the imagery it brings
That’s called the fireman. I.E. “dude my gf firemaned me last night and got piss all over my shoes. It was cool though”
The fireman!!!!!! Bahahahahahaha that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!
And now you’ve told all the women on Reddit too :)
It's fine there are probably only like 31 of them.
TIL there’s only 30 other women on reddit
Ok then TheGoodDude22
Is this a boxers thing? I've been boxer briefs for like two decades and yeah there's adjusting but I don't get my sack stuck to my damned leg.
I think its a ball hair thing. Never had a problem with my sack until I had a procedure done on it that required shaving. Suddenly my sack is stuck to everything, I couldn't enter a room without it glomping onto everything within reach like katamari damacy.
Can't wait for my sparse sack pelt to grow back, who knew it was so useful. Do they have merkins for the balls? Like a furry tennis ball with a hole cut in it? Just don't have a dog.
Dip it in flour and then a nice panko breading and you should be good to go.
You laugh, but powders exist are are absolutely game changing
Must be. I've always worn boxer briefs and I don't think it has ever happened to me. I don't understand the idea of just wearing boxers, you are basically just wearing shorts under your normal pants.
Don't just tell her how we detach it to wash it in the sink!
Detachable balls would be a good defense mechanism. Plus you’d always be able to play hackeysack.
This somehow hurt me physically a little bit.
You wanna fight?!
*takes off nutsack* hold this bro, ima fuck this guy up.
I was in the bar the other day and this couple and I were talking. Lady asks her husband what's it like to freeball in the summer heat like this? Do you balls feel free? Before her husband could respond I said no they sweat and stick to your leg and probably get pinched by whatever shorts or pants you're wearing. Dude just looked and nodded lol.
A lady at work told me that some females experience this too, but they refer to it as "batwings".
There ya go. That's a thing you know now.
I do an awkwardly long step if I have a weird situation going on with a pad or pantiliner.
Ugh, when the pad bunches up or folds upwards and digs into my vag, it's sooo uncomfortable. Then I have to go to the bathroom and flatten it out as good as I can. Or if I have privacy, I try to dig it out through my pants if possible. Gross. If I didn't hate tampons with a firey passion, I'd never wear one again.
Or when you've sat weird and the back of the pad folds a little and it glues itself to the undermost part of your ass cheek.
I'm uncomfortable thinking about that feeling now.
If you want a fun vagina owner fact, sometimes farts bubble up through the labia and get trapped.
Omg thank you! I was hoping someone would mention this and I wouldn’t feel weird. It’s actually a little painful. If I’m doing the awkward long step it’s either to pop the bubble or painfully pull a pad away from my pubes.
Dudes get that to some extent with their taint too. Farts travel down that little channel and come out under the balls.
Hey man guys can do this too, stretch your ball sack out till you got bat wings too, even look the same. Also you can make it look like a brain.
Maybe if they’re commando, but I don’t see how it can happen with panties on (woman I am)
Sometimes the inner labia sticks out, especially if you're wearing panties with a small crotch. Uncomfortable af. (woman I am)
May be uncommon for people without outies?
My inner lips always stick out. The worst is when they rub against pants or they eat up the panties
>or they eat up the panties
Om nom nom nom nom
\* scoffing noises \*
What have you unleashed
I dread the day my eyes formed in the womb so that I can read this comment today
So do you guys have a fix for this? Like an awkward squat, mid-walk?
They just jump in the air and put their legs together like a ballerina.
I do the long step when i have a wedgie.
Im not a guy but the long step towards readjustment is universal
Or the subtle side leg lift twist
for me it’s the hands in pockets, probably thinking i’m being more subtle than i am
Sounds like Velcro???
No such thing as guy code between husband and wife. Share that stuff, it's funny, and it's endearing when you can talk about weird private nothings like that.
Yeah it's bros before hoes, not before wives. Wifey is always first.
Is your wife single?
I’m sure she’s got some side-scrotum somewhere.
Well, she knows the maneuver, so it's probably not stuck on the side.
Can vouch for this. Work outside and it happens pretty regular. Id say the effect is like velcro, maybe not the sound. A comedian said this back when, can't remember who or when. I think he was Koreean.
On a side note, I had the same experience of sorts with my ex wife. While still together we had one of the same types of condos and scratching your balls came up. I explained to her that you don't scratch it like your arm. Theres a technique, the pinch and roll(if you don't know, ask). She had to try it, at which point she was totally enthralled by the uniqueness. Weird shit you talk about with your spouse. Sou do like a good sub too, r/weirdmaritalconvos.
>I explained to her that you don't scratch it like your arm. Theres a technique, the pinch and roll(if you don't know, ask).
Hah. I'd never thought about it, but yeah, that's a great description.