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Brennon337

That's hilarious, yeah I'd have no idea why she was smiling either, I'd just be focused on unsticking my nads


rona83

I can't wait for Corona to be over. So I can observe this phenomenon in the wild.


bocaj78

The mall has become the zoo


poison_us

Always has been.


ILLCookie

Secret is out. No more malls.


netopiax

Similar sound as Velcro? Dude you might want to have a doctor take a look at that


AHappyThongsLabor

Dude's got hook and loop pubes


RuncibleSpoon18

[I'm just going to leave this here ](https://youtu.be/rRi8LptvFZY) Please stop awarding this dumb shit


10J18R1A

I love when there's shit on the internet I haven't seen... This is incredible


DuelingPushkin

Damn that was amazing. Time to go outside and play ultimate flying disk


cra3ig

Now tears in my eyes. Where's a Kleenex ®?


sanguinesolitude

If your ears get clogged, here's a Q-tip ^TM


Subarmoo

I’ve got a brand new ChapStick ® if you need some.


SeeWhatEyeSee

If that doesn’t help, perhaps relax in your Jacuzzi ® for a while


sodaextraiceplease

Knew it. Damn beat me to it.


alexrabbit929

I legit lol’d. I will remember this comment for future reference.


perfecto_falcon

same here ha, still chuckling a few minutes later. trying to remember if i've ever actually heard the scrotum-thigh decoupling, or rather just "felt" the sound. might have to go test it out... \*starts long-steppin' around the local supermarket\*


plugtrio

"Ahh, see, there's Jimmy doing the reddit longstep"


perfecto_falcon

"And look, there's Steve's wife laughing at him"


RPAlias

I prefer to call it the Reddit goose step cuz Jimmy's got a real honker.


TheGreyMage

Does your wife have hook & loop pubes too? If so then you better watch out, you might lock yourselves together during sex, and untangling from that would be very unsexy.


Crunchy__Frog

Who needs a belt when you have Velcro pubes?


[deleted]

"I couldn't pull out in time, blame the velcro"


OpalHawk

Right? Skin touching skin should be silent. I’ve not once heard my balls.


waistedmenkey

Ever look at velcro close up? Maybe damn hairy legs and sack. I can't imagine my ball hair getting ratted with my leg hair, but now I just did. I'm done with Reddit for now.


[deleted]

I'm super hairy and there's no velcro. Just insane searing pain when you eventually rip the hair out after it got twisted together. The only sound is your screams. If you don't at least trim your area, I feel like your wife/spouse secretly (or maybe openly) hates you. No one wants to floss while giving a BJ.


waistedmenkey

A few decades ago after Highschool I worked at a McDonald's and one of our Manager people was super hairy. Like his back and neck hair was so thick his shirt didn't rest on his shoulders, it rested on this 1/4" floof of curly blond. And you could see it and tell when you were talking to him. I'd never actually seen anyone that hairy before. I mean, I had seen Magnum PI without a shirt, so I knew it was a thing, but I was absolutely floored to see it in person. Awesome dude, one of the best leaders I've worked for, but we were a tight closing crew so that probably plays into that view.


caterpillarslam

And......did his balls sound like velcro?


justabill71

Ba da ba ba rip


BriefInteraction9

Asking the real important questions.


BarbWho

My father was like that. He was short and round and had a an incredible pelt of dark curly hair. At the beach he looked like a bear in a bathing suit. Except for his head, where he was bald. I've always believed that folks like my father and your manager are the reason people used to believe that there were humans who could shape-shift into bears.


random_invisible

My dad was super hairy as well, with a big beard. He sunburned bright red so he was a sight to behold at the beach. Had to use baby sunscreen, but was basically immune to the cold. Celtic/and or Pictish if I remember correctly, pretty much 100% North European. The hair actually offered him some protection from the sun.


lippylizard

Robin Williams was so hairy that he'd make fun of himself for it. I remember watching one of his standup specials and after he mentioned it I always seemed to notice hairy guys.


rojafox

Somewhat related, most guys know that on a humid day you might want to throw some body powder down there. And, because I care, I want everyone here to know that body powder and foot powder are not interchangeable. Trust me, years ago I did the research so you don't have to.


xandaar337

Even worse is when you get a hair stuck in your throat


Clarkorito

This is why I wear boxer briefs and not regular boxers.


md22mdrx

I think it’s the sound you hear in your head, not an actual physical sound. Your brain adds it in, but it’s not really there.


obrisko

I was already imagining this sound before OP described it so makes sense


djlawman

Haha! I was once walking down the street in Chicago in the Loop, and had to take a couple big steps to remove my balls from my leg. This lady at a bus stop sees me, walks out following me, and says in a sassy/ogling tone “just look at this bow legged mother fucker, mmm hmmmm!” Fucking cracks me up every time I think about it.


altxatu

Sometimes I miss city life for this reason alone. You don’t have to say anything, just enjoy the random comedy and go about your day. Say that shit in a small/medium city and you’re asking for a confrontation. I was in South Philly skipping school with some friends. It was one of the first nice days of spring. Walking around I got sweaty and the boys needed some adjustment, so I adjust. This dude comes outta nowhere and throws like a 5 pack of condoms at me and says “boy I think you need these more than I do.” I had just moved to Philly from bumfuck Wisconsin. Last time I was near a larger city was when I lived in Connecticut as a toddler. My friends on the other hand were all natives. I meekly told the guy thanks as I was being a 14 year old and this was the most embarrassing moment of my life that week. My friends (all dudes) fell out laughing at the whole thing. It was pretty funny to see this hayseed utterly confused why an old Rastafarian dude was throwing condoms around, and being so utterly red faced embarrassed by it all. Aside from 24/7 everything, and bomb ass food, I miss that kinda shit once in awhile.


Subject1928

I once had a homeless crackhead weilding a hammer yell directly at me to "Do something" about this other crackhead who was just kinda sitting on the ground. It was a bit startling at first but it is hilarious because of how absurd it was. This dude walked up to a 130 pound skinny jean wearing noodly boy and wanted me to help him with his "fight" against a guy that was easily three times my size. Fucking pure comedy dude.


RetiscentSun

Philly really do be something a little different


AlexanderHP592

That's actually a good laugh. Thank you for the chuckle! Haha!


iRombe

I was just walking around Chi at lunch with a bag of chik-fil-a in my hand, looking for a good spot to sit. And some dude walked by says to his gf damn white people rlly like chicken Def made me stop and think


TheJestor

Lady was following me and wife leaving the grocery store. She says, "wooo-weee, look at them bowlers! I know why you married him!" I was like, wtf? Lol


starmartyr11

could... could she see them from the back??


zeeyaa

And then you told millions of other women on Reddit about it.. boy you really can’t keep a secret..


Tuga_Lissabon

What's he gonna tell next? Some bro run over this bastard before his loose mouth causes real harm.


PunchBro

Loose lips sink dicks… wait no


Bismothe-the-Shade

*yes*


Self_Reddicating

Hello, I'm here for the *sinking*.


theguynekstdoor

What are you… *sinking* about?


p_turbo

Is zis ze German Coastguard?


Self_Reddicating

*Nein*!


OfMouthAndMind

Probably gonna tell them why we like to put our hands in our pockets.


Tuga_Lissabon

D00d! The enemy is listening...


ITS_ALRIGHT_ITS_OK

Dood, we already know. Why do you think we keep fighting for pockets in our clothes?? We aren't the enemy, we are envious


snarxalot

User name checks out lol


Chillindude82Nein

Millions of women are on Reddit?


PanickingArmistice

No we’re not


sweetdawg99

Wait a second...


Noselessmonk

Don't look now but I think that /u/PanickingArmistice might be a million women.


BenignIntervention

A million women in a trenchcoat.


ThatOneGuy308

And still no pockets, smh


quesoandcats

She's at least 200,000 women, with a million more well on the way


aprentize

Your women are very impressive, you must be very proud.


Honeybadger193

Hello there!


Lofter1

General Kenobi!


Flashychunk

You are a bold one


TheY0ungButterfly

Not just the women, but the children too


CoolioMcCool

Oh come on. She's gotta be at least 2 million.


Astralfridgemagnet

Who cares how many women she is, im waiting for the nice guy trying to bang one of her personalities


Suicidal_Tuna

Well well m’lday, how are you this fine evening *tips fedora* And why I must say, what nice honkers you walk around with, such a shame you’re too busy chasing the wrong guys who won’t treat you right


Nylnin

Thanks, I hate it.


secondhand_organs

you forgot to point out how motherly the undulations of her milkers makes her look


indigoHatter

I select you for bearing and mothering my children. Please, let us away to my domicile for fornication!


Krampus0821

I think PanickingArmistice might be a Sith Lord.


frickenspiders

Exactly. Keep moving along boys. Nothing to see here…


Mecha_Belial

Oh good! I got worried for a second


dmen-01

Yep that's a bot


frombildgewater

A...fembot?


DHylian

Femputer?


Destinybender

She knows what you like and she'll do it within a tolerance of one micron!


Mountainbranch

You couldn't afford me honey! *snap* **snap**


JoshDM

*points and howls Body Snatcher Donald Sutherland style*


verbalcreation

Sounds like something a woman would type.


benwinsatlife

Millions of hot singles in your area!


LordOfDarthness

How big is your area?


jeremynd01

Millions!


LordOfDarthness

Wait... are you counting the dead ones too?


STXman89

Well they are single!


SunDamaged

Reminds me of Leela in the chat room “Hello!?! Are there any girls in this room at all?”


loboleo94

Millions of single girls want to meet you in your area.


Ana_Marr08

No, we’re all men. With manly balls.


Most_Neighborhood_56

Manly balls, that stick to our legs during the summer. We definitely know why that feels like…


Ana_Marr08

*unsticks her balls* *shhhhhluuuurp* ahhh yis, we sure do.


Riikaaz

I sure love my very masculine balls yes


Introsium

Shit you must have, like, 6 or 7 balls. *Way* macho.


private_unlimited

Women are real? I thought they only exist on Reddit


SweetPotatoRoll95

Not we're not real don't worry


Some_RandomDude69420

no women are not real. Its just political propaganda... i think


mustangracer352

First rule of guy code, you don’t talk about guy code


wickedwarlock84

Time for extermination...


mar7_photographer

The council has spoken!


f700es

"We have a turd in the punch bowl!"


SnooDoggos5163

The Daleks will rise once again!! EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE


ItsDuckarus

Time for permanant de-velcroing


Babyfart_McGeezacks

OP what’s your social security number and bank info?


Stormlight_General

I vote to revoke his man card for at least 3 months.


Chief-_-Wiggum

Time for a deBro procedure.


josephalbright1

Sounds like velcro?


Pushmonk

Absolutely not, unless this guy has a medical problem.


MandatoryMoose

Dried and crispy cummies


b0w3n

What did we do to deserve this?


RUSH513

if you're a foley artist, maybe


tratemusic

Now I'm imagining an old school sound studio like Disney's, except they only make goofy Foley sounds for porn videos. Lots of bonks, whistles, and of course Velcro for balls lol


iamzambi

Lmfaooooo years ago my wife and I went through a similar event. One day when I was going to pee she asks if it was hard to pee with a penis, because in her mind it’s the easiest thing on earth. So I said go ahead babe, you drive. Not even 5 seconds later we’re both dying of laughter as she’s trying to aim my dick and effectively making me piss all over the place. Zero control what so ever! Hahahaha At this point I can’t even stop it because I’m laughing so hard and she’s freaking out trying to control this thing. Holy shit was that hilarious.


workoutaholichick

I tried this with my husband but it turns out he can’t pee when there’s others around. He has pee fright. So we ended up just standing there together in the bathroom in front of the toilet, my hand on his dick, in silence for about 5 minutes before I got shooed out


iamzambi

I’m literally dying!! Hahahaha that’s hilariously awkward!


alexrabbit929

I’ve never thought of this. But I will try it, and I will message you the results. Peeing straight is easy, peeing straight while laughing is the equivalent to playing Tetris on 100x difficulty.


iamzambi

Like someone else mentioned, throw in a deep sneeze and you’re playing on hardcore mode! Hahaha


spiegro

Wait until you try with morning wood.


spacebulb

Gotta do that 45 degree lean with one arm on the wall over the toilet so you can at least have any hope of aiming.


snarfymcsnarfface

Amazing! Hubby let me do the same thing with the same results lol


noavatar1

lmao I can’t wait to try this with my girlfriend


joakims

Wait.. your girlfriend has a dick?


cockmasterflex693

She’s the whole package


Iceangel711

With a package!


fabticus

Hey don't shame him for what he likes in a girl


TurmUrk

I think you mean ON


doomalgae

I kind of want to try this with my husband now. Am a gay guy, but thanks to early childhood bladder cancer I have not actually peed through my urethra since I was in diapers.


WadeReden

Wait... You have a girlfriend?


random_boss

For us lifelong penis owners for whom controlling the beast is now second nature, can you walk us through why it turned out so messily?


Firemorfox

Imagine watering plants with a gardening hose. Now imagine somebody else is randomly turning on and off the water outside of your control, so you don't have control on how fast the water comes out, messing up your aim. Even if you know how to aim, if you're helping somebody else aim you're going to have a lot less control than normal.


RChamy

"Gunner, rotate penis to azimuth 190, elevation twelve, FIRE"


GherkinRaider

"Captain, this is a public restroom, ignore all instructions. Spray and Pray"


altxatu

As someone with little bowel control, this explains a lot. Also automatic lights, can be…interesting.


depressedbee

Sir this is Wendy's


citizen9ne

Now imagine when the water turns on, instead of one steady stream, it forks in the middle and goes two different ways.


ALIENANAL

ahh the Moses effect.


ohz0pants

> Now imagine somebody else is randomly turning on and off the water outside of your control, so you don't have control on how fast the water comes out, messing up your aim. If the "hose" is doing that, please get the hose owner's prostate checked by a doctor.


Firemorfox

The randomly turning on/off is if it’s somebody else’s hose, so you’re not the one in control of the “water” supply.


ididnotdoitever

Ever tried to fire a rifle that's on someone else's shoulder? Hint: you ain't hitting the broadside of a barn.


ivapesyrup

My dick does not have sights on it but I find it fascinating that yours does. This is more of a hip fire scenario.


GhostAnthonyBourdain

I tried this with my boyfriend a few months ago! It's really hard to aim and I don't know when the strength of the stream will change and he ended having to take over part way through because I got stressed and just let go suddenly. That said, we were laughing the entire time and I honestly appreciate his willingness to even let me try. Haha


dvanfoss

Ever try to let her drive with a rager? I hate morning wood and having to pee.


letmeusespaces

it's my favorite. much easier to piss into my mouth.


Osato

That's like an extra hardcore mode. Don't do it unless you're in a controlled easily washed environment, like the shower.


imadethisforonething

There’s some times in life where a sit-down pee is the best solution


1202_ProgramAlarm

No way I'm gonna let anyone else fire this thing, I've been doing it for 30 years and can still barely hit the target


Adventurous_Let7580

My wife thinks it’s funnier to slap my ass extremely hard and watch me end up peeing everywhere… while saying *Damnit look what you made me do!*


eldroch

When I read "you drive" I thought you were in a car and literally having her drive. I got really confused by the next sentence and worried about the inside of your car.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mikerichh

Idk how I feel about this and the imagery it brings


bigdumbhead1990

That’s called the fireman. I.E. “dude my gf firemaned me last night and got piss all over my shoes. It was cool though”


iamzambi

The fireman!!!!!! Bahahahahahaha that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!


Loesje2303

And now you’ve told all the women on Reddit too :)


alexrabbit929

Ofuk


hdt26

It's fine there are probably only like 31 of them.


TheGoodDude22

TIL there’s only 30 other women on reddit


traploper

Ok then TheGoodDude22


CronkinOn

Is this a boxers thing? I've been boxer briefs for like two decades and yeah there's adjusting but I don't get my sack stuck to my damned leg.


avalisk

I think its a ball hair thing. Never had a problem with my sack until I had a procedure done on it that required shaving. Suddenly my sack is stuck to everything, I couldn't enter a room without it glomping onto everything within reach like katamari damacy. Can't wait for my sparse sack pelt to grow back, who knew it was so useful. Do they have merkins for the balls? Like a furry tennis ball with a hole cut in it? Just don't have a dog.


Dateallthepigeons

Dip it in flour and then a nice panko breading and you should be good to go.


Walshy231231

You laugh, but powders exist are are absolutely game changing


bioclassic

Must be. I've always worn boxer briefs and I don't think it has ever happened to me. I don't understand the idea of just wearing boxers, you are basically just wearing shorts under your normal pants.


geven87

yep


MurderDoneRight

Don't just tell her how we detach it to wash it in the sink!


LawnGnomeFlamingo

Detachable balls would be a good defense mechanism. Plus you’d always be able to play hackeysack.


Straight-Pasta

This somehow hurt me physically a little bit.


RektMan

You wanna fight?! *takes off nutsack* hold this bro, ima fuck this guy up.


md22mdrx

https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4


fuzywuzyboomboom

I was in the bar the other day and this couple and I were talking. Lady asks her husband what's it like to freeball in the summer heat like this? Do you balls feel free? Before her husband could respond I said no they sweat and stick to your leg and probably get pinched by whatever shorts or pants you're wearing. Dude just looked and nodded lol.


taterzlol

A lady at work told me that some females experience this too, but they refer to it as "batwings". There ya go. That's a thing you know now.


frizzhalo

I do an awkwardly long step if I have a weird situation going on with a pad or pantiliner.


figgypie

Ugh, when the pad bunches up or folds upwards and digs into my vag, it's sooo uncomfortable. Then I have to go to the bathroom and flatten it out as good as I can. Or if I have privacy, I try to dig it out through my pants if possible. Gross. If I didn't hate tampons with a firey passion, I'd never wear one again.


aaracer666

Or when you've sat weird and the back of the pad folds a little and it glues itself to the undermost part of your ass cheek. I'm uncomfortable thinking about that feeling now.


love-from-london

If you want a fun vagina owner fact, sometimes farts bubble up through the labia and get trapped.


Thr0waway0864213579

Omg thank you! I was hoping someone would mention this and I wouldn’t feel weird. It’s actually a little painful. If I’m doing the awkward long step it’s either to pop the bubble or painfully pull a pad away from my pubes.


taterzlol

Dudes get that to some extent with their taint too. Farts travel down that little channel and come out under the balls.


Loraelm

What now


zerosoft

Hey man guys can do this too, stretch your ball sack out till you got bat wings too, even look the same. Also you can make it look like a brain.


snarfymcsnarfface

Maybe if they’re commando, but I don’t see how it can happen with panties on (woman I am)


ruthfulpragmatist

Sometimes the inner labia sticks out, especially if you're wearing panties with a small crotch. Uncomfortable af. (woman I am) May be uncommon for people without outies?


Saya_99

My inner lips always stick out. The worst is when they rub against pants or they eat up the panties


Noxious89123

>or they eat up the panties Om nom nom nom nom \* scoffing noises \* What have you unleashed


Saya_99

I dread the day my eyes formed in the womb so that I can read this comment today


fecking_sensei

So do you guys have a fix for this? Like an awkward squat, mid-walk?


ivo200094

They just jump in the air and put their legs together like a ballerina.


tellagio

I do the long step when i have a wedgie. Im not a guy but the long step towards readjustment is universal


snarfymcsnarfface

Or the subtle side leg lift twist


iLickBnalAlood

for me it’s the hands in pockets, probably thinking i’m being more subtle than i am


2241639727381

Sounds like Velcro???


ScoobyDeezy

No such thing as guy code between husband and wife. Share that stuff, it's funny, and it's endearing when you can talk about weird private nothings like that.


DoctorlyRob

Yeah it's bros before hoes, not before wives. Wifey is always first.


i_iz_human

Is your wife single?


alexrabbit929

I’m sure she’s got some side-scrotum somewhere.


electric_yogurt

Well, she knows the maneuver, so it's probably not stuck on the side.


PeezyJ84

Can vouch for this. Work outside and it happens pretty regular. Id say the effect is like velcro, maybe not the sound. A comedian said this back when, can't remember who or when. I think he was Koreean. On a side note, I had the same experience of sorts with my ex wife. While still together we had one of the same types of condos and scratching your balls came up. I explained to her that you don't scratch it like your arm. Theres a technique, the pinch and roll(if you don't know, ask). She had to try it, at which point she was totally enthralled by the uniqueness. Weird shit you talk about with your spouse. Sou do like a good sub too, r/weirdmaritalconvos.


whooo_me

>I explained to her that you don't scratch it like your arm. Theres a technique, the pinch and roll(if you don't know, ask). Hah. I'd never thought about it, but yeah, that's a great description.