T O P
psyclopes

There used to be a camera store called Black’s Photography. I had beef with the company because they screwed me out of a $400 camera with repair crap. So one day I’m walking in the mall with a friend and as we pass the store I loudly exclaim, “Ugh, I fucking hate Black’s.” Which got me not a few head turns and disgusted looks. I was confused and kept walking and then realized what I had said, but it was too late. I was the loud racist in the mall that day.


[deleted]

That sounds like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.


kawachee

Actually I think it’s a Family Guy. “Where’d you get that from?” “From Blacks”


Paloma_II

Yeah it’s [this bit](https://youtu.be/J1NJk_hYODw).


KalessinDB

And there's a Black's Hardware in my home town, so this is one of my favorite bits they did.


Presently_Absent

Except a family named The Black's moved it with Larry and he ended up marrying one of them and then it was [Larry and the Blacks](https://youtu.be/9xTAZlVgkA0)


GoiterGlitter

Latte Larry gets into some pickles.


simplefactothematter

The black family that came to live with him were literally named the Blacks


ThroneAway99

In New Rochelle, NY there was a family pharmacy that has been there since the 1920s: White's Drugstore. As America moved toward a more car-centric lifestyle, White's Drugstore bought the lot next to the store and turned it into a parking lot. But too many people who were not drugstore customers were parking there. So the drugstore family patriarch made sure that the parking lot bore a huge sign: "PARKING FOR WHITE'S ONLY!"


jf808

This would be fine if people actually understood and implemented appropriate apostrophes more regularly.


steak_salad

Duh, you put them before any es'se's in the back half of word's!


DefinitelyNotAliens

In Sacramento, CA there is a Mercy Medical Center. Local business got fed up with their parking being taken and put up a sign: ABSOLUTELY NO MERCY MEDICAL CENTER PARKING" For one dumb moment I thought it was a parking lot for the most metal medical center ever.


koshgeo

I saw a church parking lot with a sign "IMMACULATE CONCEPTION PARKING ONLY". That's going to be a rarely-used parking spot.


Grinningchicken

[https://i.imgur.com/wEy94jh.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/wEy94jh.jpg)


PM_ME_VEG_PICS

There was an outdoors shop in the UK and I have previously declared that I "used to like Blacks, but they don't seem as useful anymore"


Osimadius

That's a very true sentiment though, for a business centred around hill climbing they really went downhill


bralessnlawless

Omg don’t you hate that? Like that feeling of in all of these people’s minds I’m going to be a shitty person forever.


Tristan_Cleveland

One day I was waiting for a political science class called "Politics and Democratic Freedom" or something similar. I would call the class "political freedom" for short. It occurred to me I might be waiting at the wrong class, so I decided to check with another student if they were waiting for the same one. I asked a young black woman, "you're waiting for political freedom right?" She was very confused.


cardporehorn

Hahahaha you know exactly how I feel then


analsexinthestoma

You must be in BC? Canada at least....


Tieger66

i've done the same... friend of mine at work had just been back to Nigeria to see family, and was now back in the UK, mid january. it was cold in the office, and he was sat at his desk in a coat, looking a bit silly. i walk past, shaking my head, and say "should've stayed in africa". the look i got from the (white) manager walking the other way was hilarious - was definitely a 'i'm glad i'm not your manager as i don't have the time to spend the afternoon talking to HR about you' type look....


mcspongeicus

We were in France at a friends wedding a couple of years ago. A few days after, a group of our friends were hanging out in Bordeaux and heading up to their floor in the hotel late one night after being out drinking. A guy who worked in the hotel, who was black, got in to elevator and as they were getting out of the lift onto their floor, one of our friends said to the guy 'Good night' in French as they exited the elevator. Except..... he didn't say good night.... as he doesn't speak French and confused 2 simple words and so 'goodnight' or ....Bonne nuit became 'Bonne Noir' which basically means 'Good Black'. cue the biggest cringe ever.


Glasdir

Man I can see how that’d be easy to do if you’re not at all familiar with the language, Bonsoir means good evening and also sounds like Noir, I imagine your friend probably got all three confused.


mcspongeicus

yea exactly that. It was just a slip of the tongue, but absolutely hilarious and awful at the same time!! I'm sure the guy just heard it as Bon soir!


Brutusismyhomeboy

Ha, I majored in French and told someone in a shop "Merci Bien" after a few drinks. Gets a bit tough there.


badhumans

as a Frenchman I think that's pretty funny to be honest, French humor approves this and excessive sarcasm


Juggletrain

As an American I hate foreign sarcasm. They make it subtle, we have to make it plain enough that even an American can understand it.


cherrypieandcoffee

Brit here, took a while to adjust to the fact that Americans don’t naturally get deadpan humour. Realized that our entire culture is built on it.


edos112

I deeply appreciate British humor very few people I’ve found get when I’m joking it’s usually just a wierd look followed by forced laughter to break the tension.


joon2nine

SAME. I am a deadpan kind of gal and nobody gets it.


chuckvsthelife

American who loves deadpan sarcasm humor here. The key though is a certain amount of knowing the person. Like when it’s someone you don’t know sometimes can’t tell if they are being hilarious or they are super cringe.


pbrew

Understand. Grew up on 'Yes Minister' and the follow on 'Yes Prime Minister'.


nicg908

OOFFFFF that’s some Larry David shit right there, friend.


Micr0be

This is my favorite one yet. thanks for the laugh!


[deleted]

Reminds me of the one where two guys were in a car with windows down at a red light. One was changing the radio stations and skipped past Africa by Toto. Right as a fellow was walking across the street, the driver exclaimed loudly to his passenger “hey! Go back to Africa!”


Emkayer

Narrator: And they went back to Africa _/cue Toto's Africa chorus_


TooLazyToBeClever

My first apartment had 2 sinks in the bathroom. A white one and an off white one. The white one didnt work right, it leaked. A month later one of my friends moved in, who was black. Hes looking around the aprtment with some friends the day before he moved in. I'm watching tv when I yell out to him "you gotta use the colored sink!"


pussy-n-boots

Makes me think of high school when my friend's little brother says to their super progressive dad at the dinner table, "I hang out with the stupid Mexicans during PE." Dad starts going off on a lecture about race and the power of words and whatnot, before little brother can say, "No, I hang out with the STUPID Mexicans. The SMART Mexicans have their own group, they don't want to hang out with me."


meodd8

For a time, I was convinced that calling a black person a "piece of shit" was racist. Because shit is ~~black~~ *brown*, get it? Now as an adult, I still consider the thought sometimes. Edit: Fine! You guys win. Shit is brown, 10 year old me had a 10 year old brain when I had this thought ages ago. Hahaha.


Fall-of-Enosis

If your poo is black, it's time to go see a doctor my dude.


SalvadorsAnteater

It absorbs every single photon. That isn't normal?


E_OJ_MIGABU

Dude, isn't it supposed to be white? Y'all don't give out photons in ya poop?!


graou13

Wait, you mean it isn't supposed to be red??


LivewareIssue

If it isn't red, you're not wiping hard enough


OrpheusXJoker

The thing is, I wipe and I wipe, and I wipe, right? Always more. Its like ive got a sharpie back there ya know?


fwmcfwfffw834

Haha parks and rec


[deleted]

I’m upvoting your ass reluctantly as I laugh mine off🤣


BleapusMaximus

And I upvote this as I audibly laugh in a toilet stall whilst wiping my ass. Sorry dude in the stall next to me....


ametueraspirant

now this is shitposting!


Tatunkawitco

Yes bright red and splattered on the bowl.


E_OJ_MIGABU

No it's either white or rainbow. Anywhere in between is not good at all....


shadowdude777

Shitting Vantablack? Now that's metal af.


SeemedReasonableThen

> It absorbs every single photon. That isn't normal? You'll be fine as long as you are far enough away from the event horizon


LongBoyGrog

We don't needs eyes where his poop is going


Binsky89

If it's black you need to see an emergency room.


CharizardEgg

Or at least time to buy more Oreos cause you ate em all.


TheIrishClone

Black poop means an upper GI bleed Which can be from ulcers or cancer and is important to catch ASAP, so probably something to tell your doctor about. Tell them over the phone and if they want a stool sample they can simplify the process by knowing ahead. Stool should be the medium brown color of dirt in video games. Ochre points to kidney-liver issues. A slight red tint means a lower GI bleed. White or clay-colored stool indicates a lack of bile which means a gall bladder or liver issue. Yellow with a foul smell means a malabsorption disorder, like actual celiac. Green usually means you had excessive amounts of a particular food coloring but can be medically relevant if it’s long term and you’ve eliminated food coloring as the cause. Other colors can be indicative too. Always inform your doctor on any oddities with your stool as it’s very useful in catching stuff early.


user699

This guy knows his shit.


[deleted]

Depends on what u call him a piece of shit for. If he is being an asshole then yeah say it to him. If you're calling him pos just for being black... Then ahhh that's racist.


meodd8

Well, yeah, I was concerned about being accidentally racist. Funny in retrospect.


ShemicalE

I did something similar in high school, but sexist instead of racist. I was trying to lose weight by drinking these awful boost protein shakes (didn’t work). I was walking down the hallway and grumbled the words “booty shake” in reference to the flavor, I look up and in front of me is a girl looking just so disgusted with me. I never did get the chance to explain myself.


imagination3421

Did she shake the booty tho?


StarKrunchPi

Something similar happened to me but; I was on the other end of it. Thing you should know: I wear black everything. Every day. Right down to my socks. Since the 8th grade. So I’m at work, fairly new job. Winter transitions into Spring towards Summer co-workers start wearing brighter colors and I start to really stick out. So my manager, who’s pretty cool, walks up to me during my break and says, “I guess you’re just one of those Black people, aren’t you?” Two beats later she realized what she said and the look on her face— Glorious. Pure panic. Then came the stuttering. As much as I was enjoying it I let her off easy. ...but; she just left me alone for a while. Which was fine by me because it was all I could do not to crack up every time she walked past my desk.


bmobitch

are you also black as in race? this story is hilarious either way lmaoo


StarKrunchPi

Yes, I am.


KingBubzVI

Holy shit that’s perfect


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HoraceBenbow

r/unexpecteddungeonsanddragons


coffee-and-insomnia

The fact that that's not actually a sub makes me sad...


Warthogrider74

Maybe r/unexpecteddnd Edit: that's it!


R0sham

You missed out a d in that sub name


Warthogrider74

I messed it up in the edit lol


stultuscerebri

I would have been MORTIFIED


StarKrunchPi

Oh, she was.


exfarker

Do you wear reflectors when walking at night?


Frank1912

Nah, she smiles


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xBruised

Similar story! My dad is black and after he came back from Ghana for a few months holiday, I walked into his house and it was dark. All the lights were off and I think it was winter too. Anyhow, I called out to him and all I could see in the distance was a smile. No silhouette, very faint blobs for eyes, and a smile so bright. We laughed about it immediately and I always tell the story of the time my dad tanned so much that I could only see his teeth in the dark. I have no idea why the lights were off, it was either a power cut or we had both arrived at similar times to a seemingly empty house. This was about ten years ago.


Frank1912

I can imagine the cringe, I am feeling it in my bones right now. There is a fine line between casual racism and joking around tho. Always depends on the situation and the person which makes it hard to tell them apart on the internet for example. With close friends (who I know for sure are not racist) and with strangers on the internet I have zero problem with cracking or taking a joke that crosses a line. I did not mean to hurt anybodys feelings if you meant it that way. I think of myself as a nice guy and definitely not a racist and I myself offer some weakspots that people might target with jokes. But as I said...hard to assess on the web


StarKrunchPi

She


Frank1912

Edited


redditor40020

Damn dude that made me laugh so hard


fjgwey

yes, it's the only way that what she said would've made sense.


Critterer

My friend told me a really similar story. He is indian and he often has snacks in his drawer that he shares with colleagues. His manager, to greet him in the morning says loudly "Good morning chocolate boy!" And then similar reaction to yours by the sound of things. Pure dread followed by stuttering apologies. He said he didnt care and took it well because there was no malice in her words at all and was actually just pretty funny to watch her die inside!!


Kurbitsims

Almost spat out my toothpaste. That's hilarious.


bigly_yuge

Damn you make time for reddit while brushing your teeth?


mrsbebe

That’s kind of wholesome in a way. Like she obviously wasn’t commenting on your race and was purely commenting on clothing. As a white person, I have definitely done stuff like this. Usually with my uncle. And it has NOTHING to do with skin color. But you say something and then realize “oh geez...some people might think I’m being racist” and you feel super stupid even though you never had any negative intentions at all. I’m glad you had a sense of humor about it!


StarKrunchPi

Exactly. She soooo wasn’t. She just realized how it could’ve come off and face palmed because she would’ve expressed her thought differently.


llilaq

In a way it shows that you're not racist at all. If racial differences were on your mind you'd think twice before letting something like that slip out.


mrsbebe

Yes! Exactly! Like wow I so don’t think about that until it comes out of my mouth and like oh...crud. That could be taken the wrong way. Maybe someday in a perfect world we would be able to make comments like that and them not carry any meaning other than the innocent one. But...who knows.


cardporehorn

Omg I felt exactly like your manager! Glad you have a good sense of humor :)


StarKrunchPi

I knew it was purely an unfortunate choice of words that wasn’t anything even remotely racial. Especially considering how obviously bad she felt at the thought. No more than a good red-faced chuckle for both of us was warranted.


Fourwindsgone

How do you keep your clothes to maintain the same shade? My black pants and shirts always fade to a grey and they look funny if I wear them together.


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StarKrunchPi

As a woman, I’m better off not being seen when I walk alone at night.


rtgates

I was teaching an American history class to a multi ethnic class of junior high schoolers. Our section was on the civil rights movement of the 1960s. In a discussion of Martin Luther King and his genius and perseverance I posed the question, "what IF MLK backed down under pressure from Pres. Johnson and said, I cant handle the pressure, ok, fine, white people are better than black people." At "Ok, fine" a black student walked in the class, stopped dead in his tracks and said, "what the hell". Imagine his surprise as the whole class burst into laughter.


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theEmosk98

That was a Key and Peele sketch: https://youtu.be/naleynXS7yo


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theEmosk98

Thanks! I didn’t even realize it was my cake day


leaveitinutah

Love them to pieces—they have the funniest sketches!!


JustZisGuy

Goddamit, they were so dood. On the one hand, I wish they hadn't stopped the show, on the other hand it's probably best that they went out on top rather than keep going 'til it got stale.


ThroneAway99

Almost the exact same story: the local gas station was run by a guy from Nigeria. From September to June he wouldn't stop complaining: "Hey Ahmed, how's it goin'?" "Oh man, it's so cold, I hate it here. I want to go back home." Back when the Powerball lottery was at something like $900 million, I decided to play. In the crowded convenience-store part of the gas station, Ahmed asked what I would do with the money. "Oh, you know," I said as I walked to the door with my ticket, "pay off family mortgages, start a foundation, that kind of thing." I walked outside and immediately remembered one thing I would certainly do with the money. I stuck my head back into the store and in front of a crowd of people (who didn't know the context) I shouted, "HEY AHMED, I'LL DEFINITELY MAKE SURE YOU GO BACK TO AFRICA!!!"


[deleted]

Did.. Did you die from the delayed realization of what you said?


[deleted]

My kid once told a bunch of people he went to the best preschool in town and then added, "it's all white." Everyone skipped a few beats until we figured it out. It was actually the only preschool in town and it was in a church basement, the church building was white.


rmprice222

Worked with a guy from Burundi. He said the first time he saw snow he ran outside with open arms dancing in it. The second time he saw snow he was just as jaded as the rest of us.


ButWhatIsADog

That just reminded me of this [all time classic YouTube video](https://youtu.be/05pLxO038M4).


Eddie11240

One of my teachers is from Hawaii and she told us when she first saw snow she was like scared out of her mind. We had a good laugh about it, and I asked her what she did when she saw a squirrel. She was also scared of squirrels the first time she saw one I believe.


designercats

Omg when I went to Oahu earlier this year, I saw freaking PEACOCKS just casually chilling on someone’s front porch. Like 4 peacocks. And she was scared of squirrels? Hahaha


TwoManyHorn2

Came from California, it was like that for me too.


frozen_cherry

I'm a brazillian living in Norway, and every winter I think "why the hell have I left?" (especially because it's summer there and all my friends are posting pictures at the beach). I totally understand.


coquihalla

I'm Canadian, but living in the middle of the US, and I have the same thought in August, when the heat gets really awful.


M-_ar_-K

I'm from England but lived in canada for a year ( Alberta ). In winter the temp there got crazy cold but it never felt that cold if that makes sense. -20 degrees but I still feel colder here for some reason when it's only -1. Not sure why that is. The summers were red got aswell, we generally don't get seasonal weather here, it's just generally bland all year round. Great country by the way, absolutely loved my time there.


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M-_ar_-K

Went dog sledding in the Rockies, think it got to about -40 at night. That felt bloody cold I tell ya.


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PlaneCandy

The thing about people saying go back is that they'll say it to people who were born in the USA. People who don't speak Chinese and never stepped a foot there will hear "go back to China"


[deleted]

I think it's more that in the US there are families of black people who have lived there since the 1600s, so the assumption that if someone is black they're from Africa doesn't work so well there.


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SheToldmeShewas18

From Venezuela but moved to other countries early on, including USA for a lot of years. I will say that american culture can seem as "race obsessed", because of their rocky, troubled history, that in some ways hasn't been completely fixed or even demystified. During my first few years, i couldn't understand how it appeared that black people had a sub culture of their own. In my experience, even when you are racially different from others, you are just still part of the main national culture group. No difference in accent or in food. When I moved to the European continent, I observed a different enviroment. Even the most recent immigrants adapted to the main culture at large with no issues. Again, this is just a product of how history has played out in the USA, i suppose. To add icing on the cake, politics and media now have taken this difference and showcased it.


Imsosadsoveryverysad

Black people historically were not allowed into mainstream culture and therefore had no choice but to create their own. Everything being segregated, there wasn’t even a chance for cultures to merge. Even to this day, as we’ve come a little further, a lot of people are still like “that’s a black thing” or “that’s for white people.” The teenage generation seems a little more homogeneous culturally, but that’s just what I’ve observed in my little area as a teacher. All of this is compounded by the fact that the country is so large there are completely different subcultures based on where you live. So you have subcultures via race split by subcultures via location split by subcultures via age, split by subcultures via rich/poor etc. There’s a lot of variation. Not saying you weren’t correct, just adding a bit more context.


tubular1845

Because they have literally no context except what they just heard.


cancerkidette

I don’t think it’s vastly different in Europe- in many counties who have plenty of foreign immigration, telling someone to “go back to where they came from” carries racial or xenophobic hatred. From your friends it doesn’t seem like a big deal because they are joking- but for example if it was shouted at you from across the street from someone you do not know.


imwearingredsocks

Because the US has a very long, sad history with racism toward black people. It really wasn’t all that long ago that “go on back to Africa, Jim” had nothing to do with weather, and was very likely “I’m racist, dangerous, and may burn something to prove it to you later.” So the shock you see is a much better reaction than silent approval. We’re still in the process of moving forward. It hasn’t even been a century yet, sadly.


globefish23

Why do I picture an episode of 'Scrubs' now?


cardporehorn

EEEEEAAAAAAGLLLLLEEEE I wish he let me call him brown bear :(


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FriedeOfAriandel

What a quality episode


choochoobubs

I literally imagined the sacred heart parking lot when I read this. Weird


ThelLibrarian

Laughed a ton. Keep it real


cardporehorn

I thought your user name was the Liberian and I almost died xD


ThelLibrarian

I just worked out what a Liberian is and now i feel stupid


_R1_

This is funny, I love things like this where people watching would get offended, and your friend/coworker would understand and take it fine as you both get the context. Wouldn’t call it a fuck up per se, you may have made some people look in horror but that’s hilarious.


RealMeggarra

Is it bad that I'm laughing at this? Guess gotta take some things lightly in life.


cardporehorn

I’m glad you enjoyed it! All my friends got a good laugh that’s for sure


fjgwey

Ha, don't worry about it too much man, shit was funny. Not racist at all.


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PRPTY

-7C is balmy as a Canadian


cardporehorn

Ya ya keep rubbing in your free healthcare and dank weed you maple scented bastard


aindriahhn

T-shirt and jeans weather


bishslap

One of the best players on my soccer team was named Billy Brown who was a dark skinned Australian aborigine. We'd get funny looks whenever we'd call out "Good one Browny" or "Go Browny" etc.


libdurk

A few years ago we were walking through a Christmas lights display and at one of them I said to my husband, “I hate when they mix whites and coloreds.” The look on his face.


StatWhines

It’s the “HUH JIM” that makes it art.


beanburritobee

Oh boy I got one of these. Went to a restaurant 6:30pm that had reserved tables, hadn't made a reservation. Waitress does some quick juggling round and gives us a table with a sign that says "7pm reservation under name: Black family". She does some shuffling and takes the sign and puts it on a table being cleaned, which is near the music speakers, in a corner, and not as nice. Dinner companion remarks that we really lucked out getting this nice window table up high whilst the people who made the reservation get a table that is definitely not as nice and the music of course goes super quiet so every one can hear me clearly say "I FEEL SORRY FOR THE BLACKS". Nice.


extracilantroplz

If I were the Black family I’d be siriusly pissed.


beanburritobee

They hadn't reserved the specific table, just made a reservation for 7pm so they never knew our table was originally intended for them. They had nothing to be pissed about when they arrived at 7, the reservation was still there


beks78

Stood at the bus stop with my black boyfriend (I'm white) eating a bag of Jelly Babies. Shove a load of them in to his hand. "you have these, I don't like the black babies." Everyone else who was waiting at the bus stop turned around to glare at me. Obviously I meant to say "...the black JELLY babies." I don't like the blackcurrant flavour. My boyfriend couldn't stop laughing but I was mortified.


erin_rockabitch

I help organize a tattoo convention. So many of the shops are named Black Label, Black Bear, Black Heart etc. I told my coworker we should put all the Black shops in the same row. She stared at me for a minute before I realized what I said.


The_Real_Raw_Gary

My grandfather remarried to an African woman and now lived in Africa with her. I’ve only ever met her once when she came to visit my uncle while I was staying with him for the weekend on a trip. We went to universal studios and she was complaining about the trip and wanting to go home. My grandfather is austrian and his English is a little rusty. Mostly speaks German. Anyway he gets frustrated and goes “Ok look if you don’t stop complaining I’ll put you on a plane straight to Africa” At least 3 men instantly surrounded him and started screaming at him for this remark and then his wife jumped in the middle and told them to shut up and that “don’t yell at this man I wish to return to Africa!” What followed were some of the most confused apologies I’ve ever seen especially when she gave him a hug and big kiss.


jusmithfkme

Once I was working with a black dude. We shared a working area with a divider. We always joked. One dsy he called his side Africa. Later that day he came over to bother me. I shouted "GO BACK TO AFRICA!" Everyone heard. It got awkward.


Levalier

What ,,, what are you trying to say? That you had a TIFU that didn't involve sex? What ,,?


cardporehorn

Most I read are sex and I was thinking about this on my slow night shift so thought I’d share glad you like it!


Repeo_Ramses

Thanks for sharing a funny non-sex story!


Janessa_Bot

It's not really the same, but my dad used to have a cat we called "Whitey". One day Whitey darted out the door and he went chasing after him, shouting, "Get back here, Whitey!"


LLcooolB

My husband's name is Julian and his brother calls him Ju (sounds like Jew) for short. One day, while playing paint ball with a group of strangers, his brother spotted him. He jumped up, loudly shouted "Hey Jew" and started wildly firing his paint ball gun at him. The field froze as people stared in horror at him as he tried to explain that he wasn't a crazy antisemitic gunman. Good times!


cardporehorn

I’m glad you liked it! I just got in my car with a face redder than the devils dick


EvilKnivel69

That’s funny as hell. Hope there haven’t been any negative consequences for you ^^


cardporehorn

Thankfully it was only laughs but I could see this totally going bad in the right situation


02202992

Interesting you chose the word Jim


RSGMercenary

I came here looking for this comment haha. _"Lets call him Jim Crow."_ _Record scratch, music stops_


sully213

I was thinking the same thing. I seem to remember a character in "Huckleberry Finn" named "Jim" who was also from Africa. What a strange coincidence. Accidental racism part 2?


[deleted]

You forgot the first part to his name


wlu__throwaway

Definitely-not-a-slave Jim


bluewing

True story: Years ago I was a fireman in our small town. We had a bar that burned to the ground along with most of the city block it was on, (a hardware store full of paint, carpeting, and other flammables didn't help). We were sure it was arson so the ATF got involved in the investigation. This occured in January In Minnesota, so during the night when we fought the fire, it was like -15F/-26C. It warmed up to a whole 0F/-17C in the morning. As I was standing outside guarding the fire scene, a person walks up to me and my partner bundled up in just about the warmest hooded coat and pants you possibly imagine. We couldn't really see who it was because of the deep and heavy hood. All of a sudden this deep voice comes out from the hood saying "If I'd known it was going to be this cold here, I would never have gotten off the boat!" He then pulls his hood back to reveal his grinning face. Imagine my surprise when I was looking at the darkest face I'd ever seen. Over the next 2 days, he turned out to be the nicest and funniest person I'd ever been around. I was truly sad when the on site investigation was over and he was gone. That man was a treasure. I also got to meet a sweet little Grandmotherly type lady with the biggest, goldest badge that said "I can shoot you if I want" printed right on it, (and she carried the Glock to do it with too).


yimjames

I’m sure this will be buried but I have a similar story. Back in 2010 my freshman roommate was a guy named Osama. By September we had become pretty good buddies and I saw him walking by one of the busier building, so I wanted to say hi. He was wearing headphones, so from about 30 yards away I was yelling “OSAMA! OOOOSAAAAMAAAAA!” and he wasn’t hearing me. I for whatever reason thought I’d get his attention by throwing some acorns at him that were on the ground. Between my throwing acorns at him, yelling Osama and it being September 11th in a very liberal school, I was getting some very bad looks. I connected the dots and ran over to him and asked him to give me a bro hug to clear things up, but ended up just hugging him. It was all very bad and I still cringe 10 years later.


lowtoiletsitter

When I first started reading this and saw his name was Jim, I got some Mark Twain vibes.


bobsgirl2017

So my maiden name was White. And I was having a drink with a friend, he happened to be from Pakistan but probably more English than I am. My cousin was also there. So I was telling him how bad at camping I was and how useless I was. Then I said “we whites just sit back and let the rest do the work”. There was a stunned silence for like ten seconds. Then my cousin leaned in to sit shocked face and whispered “it’s her surname”. He then burst out laughing and thank god I nearly fainted.


jason_sation

If you were Larry David, Wanda Sykes would’ve appeared with a glare and shaking her head.


Lil-Beaker

That is genuinely hilarious! How did you react to the people in the parking lot? I mean did you try to save yourself or scramble inside your car and laugh? Truly unfortunate... But I'm glad it happened! Thanks for the laugh!


Darth_Bfheidir

I find this funny because one winter my friend from Madasgar walked outside into a hailstorm and shouted "fuuuuuuuuuck send me back to fucking madagascar”


whatsit578

My take: Part of the reason this sounds racist is saying "Africa" rather than the particular country your friend was visiting. If you'd shouted "BET YOU WISH YOU WERE BACK IN LIBERIA!" it wouldn't have sounded as bad. Protip for next time!


[deleted]

lol this would have sounded less accidentally racist if you’d named the country: “Bet you wish you were back in Liberia”


Oh_My_Luchta

I went to a mostly black school when I was a kid. I'm white and was definitely the minority there, lmao. Anyways, I have had a LOT of black friends in my life and this type of thing does happen sometimes, haha. Another funny one is how a lot of Americans think "Mexican" is a derogatory term for some reason. I married a Mexican and have found that people will occasionally get uncomfortable and give me those same looks when I say the word Mexican. It's ridiculous but funny once I realized it and started doing it on purpose. Seriously... Saying "Oh, he's Mexican." or "The Mexican woman over there is..." is 1000000% not racist, but a lot of people think it is for some reason. People are silly.


spazcat

I worked with a guy from Kenya, and he and I were talking to a new employee, kind of a redneck guy (his own words). He said to my Kenyan friend, "What's Kenya like?" My Kenyan friend had a totally straight face as he said "Kenya is great, except for all the running." The other guy said "Running?" My friend said, "Yeah, from all the lions!" He and I couldn't keep a straight face for long as this guy just looked super scared and said, "Really?"


Logical-Flower

Ah, racist out of context.. MIL breeds dogs. We refer to them by gender and color or by a colored string tied to each. Sure you see where this is going... black boy, brown girl, yellow girl...


wobshop

I was in a coffee shop with two mates (all white) in Amsterdam once and got talking to these two black dutch blokes. During the conversation (it must have been about food but I can’t remember the details) one of them made some joke like ‘Oh but we’re black, we eat blood’. Without thinking I replied ‘Oh but we’re English, we eat blood for breakfast; black pudding.’ The looks on their faces made it immediately apparent that they had no idea what black pudding was, and I spent the rest of the conversation frantically explaining that black pudding is a type of blood sausage we eat with fried breakfasts. They left the coffeeshop pretty quickly after that.


[deleted]

Man I am from Nigeria and during the winter I wish I could fucking go back, it’s too damn cold


TheBeliskner

I once had a manager that said to a Sikh colleague "You're looking very black today", because he had come in with black shoes, trousers, shirt and turban. A few seconds of awkwardness followed by a lot of laughter.


multipurposeflame

When I was a kid, I tried to say something jokingly to my friend about him being Lebanese. Misspoke loudly, in my elementary school lobby, and called him a Lesbian instead. Parents were understandably...caught off guard.


cameralover1

Once I was at my dad's office. Let's say he works in a pretty international environment, therefore you can meet people from all over the world. I happened to be visiting his workstation, a South East Asian tropical country which it being south east Asia gets hot and humid as hell. I come from a country who's capital city is pretty high up in the mountains, and grew up in even colder places, therefore I used to be a little bitch about the heat in said country. I was making small talk with someone waiting to see my dad and mentioned how said country was hell because how hot it got, but I failed to realize that this person was from some sub sahara African country and they would get 40 or even 50 degree weather and he was like nah this is pretty chill, where I come from people actually die from heatstroke blabla and I was like uh fuck.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheBigTimer039

YIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES


invertedparadoxxx

Reminds me of a winter in New York and someone yelling "I bet you wish you were back in Jamaica"


honj90

I was standing with a group of friends on the sidewalk when one of them pulled me aside to let a a blind person pass. I had not noticed her at all, so I turned to him and said (in a rather loud voice too) "Oh, good eye". Took a few seconds to register - I really hope she did not notice.


mamastrikes88

I’m a black day shift RN. That was hilarious.


mazobob66

I've got a similar experience also. There was this really nice black girl who worked in this department as the secretary. I do IT work, so I'm "out and about" a lot. I was walking by and decided to stop by and see how things were going since my last fix on the computer of her boss. I can't just walk by her desk without saying anything, so I decided to say something along the lines of "Is your boss working you too hard?" but in the split second I thought of that I thought it sounded too sexual so I changed it to something funny... "Is cracking the whip up in here?" Yeah...equally bad, if not worse.


DarkBIade

Worked at Circuit City for a winter and despite being an electronic store the intercom system was dogshit on its best days. I would constantly respond to myself after a loudspeaker announcement "was that even English?". Well one day the guy on the system happened to be our one employee from India I responded as I always did to myself only to be berated by my supervisor. "That's really inconsiderate of you, English isnt his first language and he is doing fine how dare you." At this point I could have calmly explained the situation instead I got angry and yelled at my supervisor, "I wasn't talking about him I was talking about the shitty intercom system that makes every person sound like they are talking underwater." He stared at me for a minute then started laughing at how angry I got so quick. I told the Indian gentleman about what happened and he thought it was hilarious and said I cant hide my bigotry behind terrible electronics.


RedHeaded_Scientist

I did something similar. I was at a conference with a bunch of grad students. We were all sunburned and some were starting to peel (those of us that were white at least). It is important to note, I HATE DEAD SKIN. It’s absolutely disgusting. This is well known amongst my friends so... one friend sat next to me and started rubbing off the dead skin at me. I jokingly said, “I hate white people.” Like two rows in either direction turned to look at me... I’m white AF with flaming red hair, burned to a crisp too. Only my friends seemed to understand I was joking. I really need to start thinking more about what I say to friends in public settings 😂.


ChadHahn

I used to live in Nebraska and a lot of refuges came from different areas of Africa. Sometimes I'd see them walking down the street in December in their traditional clothes and wonder if they were thinking, "I sure do appreciate not being killed in a genocide, but I wish it were 70 degrees warmer."


Dunkel_Reynolds

I had a buddy from Kenya. We were planning a pig hunt and he told me about some spear hunts he had done back home. Another friend of ours knew this about this and overheard us planning the hunt... she yelled out, in a crowded room, "hey, are you bringing your spear?" Yeah...everyone else in the room turned and gave her some dirty looks and my buddy thought it was hilarious.