To be fair, this kinda tracks with what went down with Jordan when they dated. I actually quite like Jacqueline (dumb comments about mask studies aside), but I don’t think she’s very nice to the men in her life.
Worth listening to the most recent episode of her podcast where she talks about the relationship
What did the podcast say about the relationship?
What did she say?
Link please? Which one
It's called a little help for my friends - she's still with him when it was recorded but on the rocks and unhappy - talks about the relationship/pressure to break.up
I’m mainly left wondering what Jacqueline’s hair routine is. Her hair is always on point even with all this going on.
People commenting in this thread taking this guys word as truth. He mentions a history of outbursts. His behavior has been very unhinged and I’m sure her friends would not have been urging her to break off the wedding if they weren’t significantly concerned. This guy seems weird and scary.
Edit: lmao I wrote this comment after reading comments that backed this guy. As I read other comments I see that other people were creeped out by him as well.
It's not about backing this guy, it's about acknowledging that they both have parts to play in this. Not just him. Not just her.
Idk how anyone is defending him!! The fact he says he “passionately defended” himself 🤮
She always seemed like she had issues 🤷🏻♀️
agree!!!!!!!!!! she is a walking red flag and that is not excusable just bc shes a woman. if the genders were reversed this would be such a different reaction and I'm really sick of that. women can be just as fucked up as men.
I have so many questions. I feel stupid.
1. How does GHB make you sober?
2. What does down the river not across the tracks insinuate?
3. Was this a joint bachelor/bachelorette ? He was there for all of this?
1. Ghb metabolises quickly. So they were probably ‘wasted’ for a few hours then it passed through their system and they were sober again
2. Down the river (slice elbow to wrist) not across the tracks (across the wrist)… truly vile
3. Sounds like he came after they were drugged maybe? Idk, I couldn’t follow either
Omg number 2, that is EFFED up. F that person.
RIGHT? I feel like that is getting really glazed over. Jacqueline sat there and laughed at that joke. so vile.
Isn’t it. Imagine saying that anyone let alone around someone who lost someone to suicide. So gross.
no way he typed all of that up. (op, it looks like it’s pulled up on a computer😭😭) do instagram comments even let you type that much??
I feel bad for both of them, and at the same time, I haven’t been so captivated by a story about strangers’ lives in a long time.
I love it when people air their dirty laundry
This guy sounds like a whiny little boy who blames everyone else but himself. She didn’t dump your ass because her friends told her to. She dumped you because she didn’t want to share her life with a sulky, crying loser like you.
There's nothing inherently wrong with a man crying.
from the second I saw this story I suspected Jacqueline did something sus - her vibe to me seems very selfish. this guy sounds very emotional/sensitive and that is not a good match but in my opinion she was prioritizing fun/friends over the relationship and when theres moments of this or that, if you dont choose the relationship, you arent ready for one.
From what a friend of hers said, he showed up to her bachelorette party uninvited and unannounced. A weekend she had set aside to be with friends who flew in from out of town.
Oh shit! It was also her birthday, so maybe this delusional ass dude thought showing up would be sweet? Maybe he has never heard of sending flowers/chocolates/insert any gift here/NOT crashing your fiancé’s bachelorette party. 😂
with no context, that certainly sounds bad - but we dont have context. why did he do that? no one, not you, not me, none of us, can truly answer that. bc it could be either that hes just controlling and insane OR maybe she was getting too wild & one of her friends snitched on her so he showed up to make sure something didnt happen. people cheating at bachelor/bachelorettes is not uncommon. depending on their history, maybe him showing up was bc of past incidents. OR maybe just over the top jealousy. it could truly be either one. bottom line is this whole story can go dramatically one way or the other depending on the context.
I can’t think of any scenario where it is ok for you show up at your fiancée’s bachelorette unannounced because you are concerned she will get too wild. If you are that controlling and concerned and distrustful of them, then don’t marry them
I feel like if your fiance says they were drugged and potentially raped, that would be the only exception 😬
of course dont marry them. I would never trust someone who walks around saying they're avoidant as an excuse to be a selfish asshole.
Exactly. And I got downvoted for saying this and I have no idea why cus in real world most of these people downvoting praising her would do the same. If someone you're friends with makes a joke about a triggering topic for your fiance (ie suicide), you stand by your fiance's side. It's about loyalty and respect. Otherwise why are you marrying even.
exactly!!! if you dont have enough loyalty to simply back up your significant other in such a situation, you shouldnt be in a relationship. her whole "avoidant tendency" thing is fucking bullshit in my opinion. that is just an excuse to be a selfish asshole under a fancy name. when we have issues from our fucked up families/past relationships, you dont just lean into your assholery and go WELP IM JUST LIKE THIS NOW. you actively try to better yourself and be more considerate/empathic/caring/kind. the fact that I keep seeing people say this like she is constantly using it as an excuse pisses me off and is a little too close to home of my own family members. if she doesnt want to do the work to get better, then she should spare others from her toxicity.
I agree that that joke was disgusting and I can’t understand why you would even want to be friends with someone saying something like that.
That being said, I’m confused about where this all happened. I thought it was Jaqueline’s Bachelorette party at first but then it sounds like he was there? Why was her friend in the hotel room? I lowkey feel like he showed up to her bachelorette party uninvited and stayed in the hotel room that was supposed to be for Jacqueline and her friend.
It sounds like two people who both have their issues and who should absolutely not be married to each other.
Yeah someone in another comment said that’s what happened - she was in Vegas for her bachelorette party, friends had flown in from out of state, and he showed up uninvited
Yeah it sounds like he did show up, which regardless of what she is doing is a major violation of boundaries IMO. I think they just trigger each other.
I also feel he kind of misled her. In the Dear Shandy interview, they mention how he had said he is super independent likes his space and Jacqueline loved that as that is how she is given her avoidant tendencies, but let's be real, that's not him LOL.
Sounds like two people that made the right choice to not be together.
Ewwwwww this is so fucked up
Damn, there was someone who had unverified tea here a few months back and this sounds like exactly what they said about him.
What did they say?
They mentioned they knew him because they were also in the academic circle. Mentioned that he would have students over his house which rubbed people the wrong way and he came off as controlling and wanting people to desperately like him while Jacqueline has always been very open minded and possibly thinking about polyamory. Basically just a breakup waiting to happen.
While this guy has red flags, it's actually quite scary and may I add triggering to see so many people praising her here as if she bear no responsibility in their toxic relationship when she also exhibits avoidant tendencies and gaslit him a bit. As someone who has dated an avoidant in the past, they can stonewall you, completely withdraw, gaslight you, and make you feel like you're going crazy instead of sitting down to have a proper conversation. You have to always play by their rules. They can even make the most secure person anxious at times.
I'm not excusing his bahaviour, he did not respect her boundaries, however, let's also not excuse her shitty behaviour.
I'm late to the party but wanted to say I appreciate so much what you said. There are very few relationships I've seen in real life where both partners haven't played a part in what went wrong. As someone who struggled with anxious attachment issues before I met my husband I see now how when I dated people who were more avoidant we both had unhealthy tendencies that fed into the cycle. I feel like we're unlikely to get a balanced story of what really went down especially not while the breakup is so fresh.
Thank you for this! I find some of the responses here very triggering as well. Joking and laughing about suicide is disgusting. One of my good friends, who was a survivor of SA, died by suicide. I'm also a survivor and would never laugh about suicide. How vile. There's no side to take here. They both have issues.
thank god for this comment. legit cannot believe how many people read that and are siding with her.
>As someone who has dated an avoidant in the past, they can stonewall you, completely withdraw, gaslight you
this feels like a huge leap
She herself has talked about how she is avoidant and mentioned on Dear Shandy that her pattern is to go all in at the beginning of a relationship and prematurely plan a future and then completely withdraw a couple weeks later (this happened to them too, she was talking about kids with him and then was like nvm I don't want kids and marriage with you once he was all in lol). They even broke up and got back together partially cause he was like 'tell me everything I'm doing wrong' (which isn't healthy lol) so I don't think it's a huge leap.
However, this guy clearly does not have healthy behaviors and it was completely wrong to post this and act the way he is.
It's not, and I didn't say they all do this, as avoidance is a spectrum, but if they are on the extreme end and they don't want to get better, they may exhibit these qualities.
This is literally discussed by many therapists and my own therapist has told me. Also, my experience is mine, and it's my truth.
All insecure attachment types have their own faults, I'm merely pointing out my experience with an extreme avoidant. Anxious attachments have their own issues too (passive aggressive, lack of boundaries and respect for it which we are also seeing with Paul)
Someone trying to make a joke while coping with potentially being assaulted and words their friend said aren’t compelling arguments, and 100% not his info to disclose. Also, this guy sounds like a walking red flag; good for her
Hear me out lol. If this is exactly what happened, you wouldn’t share it on Social media. A sane person wouldn’t care enough about the opinions of complete strangers to share this much information.
To be fair though, he wrote this after she said she would be discussing the break up on the podcast. I have a feeling that triggered him. The break-up was in late around June 22nd and the mess only started publicly when Jaqueline started posting on Insta about it. Before she shared she called it off, he was just posting lots and lots of videos of him creating his art. I’m not defending him because I think his manner of going about this is atrocious, but there was an obvious trigger.
Well sure, but we all get triggered and I’m just saying if this is how he responds to triggers then her choice to leave is likely way more justified than he is trying to make it sound.
I don't know, I think if you felt like your ex was going to go on a podcast and it was all in bachelor nation news and she was going to share whatever she wanted to share, he might want to share his side of the story. I have no idea who he is or if he's sketchy at all, but if this is what really happened, that's super sad.
I personally still think it takes an unhinged person to go about “sharing their side of the story” this way. Yeah if she shares something incorrect then share your side but he has no idea how much she was going to say- which I personally assume would not have been anywhere near this much info.
Creepy and scary af
Anyone self characterizing their yelling as being “passionate” is such a big red flag to me.
but Jacqueline sitting there LOLing at a suicide joke isnt?
Yikes. This screams of desperation on his part. He is really trying to spin things to make him sound like a victim before she comments on it more. If I found out my fiancee might have been sexually assaulted, I would want to offer support and encourage them to get a health check-up. It kind of sounds like he is fixated on them joking about being "obsessed" with this guy Al. I have used that terminology before in jest, "oh my god, our bartender made the best drinks. I'm so obsessed with them." Or something to that effect. It doesn't mean actually obsessed or even remotely interested in them romantically or sexually. I wonder if he has a serious jealousy problem. I know he deleted this but this post just feels so uncomfortable to me and so reckless for someone in the psychology profession.
This has to become a new copypasta.
This plus the painting is a lot. This doesn’t need to be aired for all of us to see. I don’t trust this man tbh…
He posted a video of himself destroying a painting he made as a proposal gift lol
To be fair he basically just repainted over it and created new art. Still didn't need to post about it tho
Oh so HE was hurt that she might have been raped... umm... fuck this guy?? If this was on AITA he's definitely YTA
and also, he was so hurt by it that he... posted about it publicly???
in HIS words he was concerned she was "obsessed with some guy".... THAT is what he took away from the whole incident?! In incident in which his FIANCE was DRUGGED!? What reality is this???
The part of her not being in her right mind because if a seratonin drop was wild
I just can't believe he would publicly comment that (esp on her insta). The whole thing is just so violating
Especially since, from what other people are commenting, he seems to be in the psychology field?
Considering this was deleted and outs really personal information (assault) I don’t really think that this should be up.
Edit: my first gold!! Thank you! Pls delete this post even tho it will take my gold with it.
I agree. Thank you. I have been saying this over and over but no one is listening. This is wrong. This post should be deleted.
Are you kidding? These are the most sane comments I’ve seen on the sub in fucking years.
I was expecting everyone to blame her for some non-existent microagression. Or whatever the latest buzz word is when people apologize for their “privilege”
I don’t think we would allow a post outing someone’s sexuality, and this feels akin to attempted revenge porn on the ex’s part. If she wanted this info out there it would be. It’s her story she deserves to decide who tells it. For me it’s less about comments and more about that this is a contestant from a long time ago who I still believe has a private Instagram (not sure so please correct me) and that no one should have their story told for them.
What are you talking about? I’m saying that I don’t think it’s right to post a deleted comment full of personal information on this sub.
I think I need to watch the dear shandy interview now lol
He has students?
He has people work for him in his lab?
*He has students? He*
*Has people work for him in*
*His lab? Concerning*
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I mean he sounds like he is trying to present the story in a way that makes him sound righteous but just reveals what a controlling and manipulative person he appears to me. Good riddance!
This after that painting fiasco? Dude sounds scary af 😬
Read the post and came to the comments ready to say we need to pump the breaks and that this guy is likely a controlling POS but everyone here already got that vibe too.
I can't believe he thought this would make him look good?! His only legit complaint was that Jacqueline's friend made a shitty comment and she didn't support him the way he needed at the time, but I'm also unclear why he was at her bachelorette party at all? And asking to talk in 2 hours after your friends who flew to Vegas for your bachelorette just doesn't sound that bad to me... It depends how it all went down, but based on everything else this guy is saying and HOW he is saying it, I'm not inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt...
she was like “i don’t plan on commenting to protect his privacy”
he’s like okay well i’ll do it then :)
They say he was controlling and he admits he raised his voice. I dunno he's not coming 9ff great here. Who gets insecure about some rando they never saw again?
Who likely DRUGGED THEM?!
i had no idea they broke up lmao wow
What on earth did I just read?!
When he wrote “which tracks with their immediate sobriety hours after the pool party” is he trying to imply that they weren’t roofied? That is fucked up, if so 🚩
I think he’s saying it tracks as GHB as the half life of GHB is relatively short 30-60 minutes. So the immediate effects of the drug only last about 3 hours. Now obviously when mixed with alcohol and peoples body chemistry, etc. it affects people differently, but I think he’s being straight with it.
I think he’s implying they were as the ghb wore off faster than being blacked out on alcohol would.
as someone who’s been drugged at a bar, it doesn’t work like that (you suddenly feeling sober and okay after a couple hours). It takes several hours to wear off, and if mixed with alcohol, you will become violently ill for up to 24 hours (depending on what drug and dosage is used). It also doesn’t just make you “black out”, you pretty much temporarily lose consciousness or at the least the ability to move (again, depending on which drug is used).
**just to clarify: I went to a large school and have been drugged twice at bars, but SUPER thankfully both times I was with groups of friends and no assault took place. Sadly, this was common where I went to school. It’s disturbing.
I had read it as him implying that they (the girls) were joking about these things - not that she had actually been drugged or assaulted. But again, his rant was wild and didn’t make a ton of sense. So I could be wrong/he’s also probably not a reliable narrator.
Im so sorry this happened to you! I was also drugged once, but it didn’t make me lose consciousness; it just made me seem intensely drunk despite barely drinking anything and completely got rid of all my inhibitions (way more than alcohol ever has). Luckily my bf showed up and took me and my friend that was also drugged home before we did anything too damaging. Also, I was intensely sick the next day. I know there are multiple things that quantify as roofies; maybe her and I were slipped something similar?
Yes-- there are actually a lot of drugs that can be/are used as "roofies" or date rape drugs. They can all inhibit or completely eliminate someone's capacity to move/act with agency and/or ability to reason or think clearly, but the three most commonly used are actually all different, in terms of their classification.
Ketamine is an anesthetic with hallucinogenic properties, rohypnol is a benzodiazapine (like xanax, or ativan), and GHB is a depressant that relaxes the central nervous system. And, again, these are just the three most commonly used. All that to say, unless a person knows what they were dosed with, there's no way to say what is or isn't typical symptomology, and that doesn't even start to take into account dosage, the individual person, or other drugs they may be using (recreationally or otherwise).
I’m so sorry for you as well! Yeah, sorry I was trying to leave wiggle room with my wording since so many different things can be used - but I was basically trying to refute the idea that she would have been fine and sober within a couple of hours.
Yeah I don’t remember anything from either time, but I was told that I had to be carried both times. And the day after both times was horrid 🤢
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This chimes with what I’ve heard from friends who have experienced the same, which is why I was confused by his parenthetical.
Agree with this. My friend and I were drugged by a bartender our senior year of college and luckily nothing happened to us. One of our guy friends ended up driving us home thankfully but both of us got to extremely sick and to the point we couldn’t even move our bodies. It was frightening. Definitely doesn’t work like he’s saying though.
You were probably given something else or a REALLY high dose of GHB.
Honestly have no idea what we were given. I remember barely being able to move my body and that’s all I remember before I blacked out and then I woke up violently ill.
I was also drugged by a bartender in college, as a freshman who got in with an ID they all knew was fake. It was awful, and I’m so thankful a friend of mine was visiting me from out of town so in addition to my normal group of friends I had a friend keeping tabs on me specifically cuz she was staying at my house. Feels like such a violation of societal trust for a bartender to do that.
Oooof is it just me or does this make him look worse? Will read the comments and see.
Update: okay good I’m in good company. If I were her, I would have left this comment up and let him dig his own grave. He comes off super unhinged. Anyone with critical thinking skills can see the insanity.
What on earth
Also this is giving me flashbacks to a guy I tried to gently extricate from my life in college who called me a “cunt rag” and harassed me for months. On to better things, trumbullina!
well, thank god they’re no longer together lol
I don't know what I just read but sounds a mess.
My thoughts exactly! I’m having to read and re-read and I still don’t understand. I guess it’s a good thing they called things off…
Who is this?
But WHAT KIND of gin cocktail?
Same. Was it just a gin and tonic or something fancier.
This is meeeesssyyy… 🤣😂🤣
He sounds EXACTLY like my ex. Same ex who has angry, violent bipolar episodes and was emotionally abusive. This is EXACTLY how he talks/writes and it triggers me.
I’d like to add “the emotional maturity of a preschooler before nappy time” to his list a vile traits
I don’t blame him from being hurt but I get the sense that he does have angry outbursts which can be very scary for the other person. My ex was like that and I couldn’t handle the stress of it.
The way he writes his perception of events just absolutely grates me. And, the fact that he wrote this thinking it was a reasonable explanation/narrative… yikes
Yikes. I’m not sure how he thought that this would make him look better. I’m unsure about what her serotonin and a gin cocktail have to do with this other than him trying to make her look bad? Eek
Yeah that part was gross…very dismissive of her
It’s such a strange feeling of relief when both parties in a breakup act weird and unlikable and I don’t have to pick sides and can just watch the mess unfold
Yeah, what a mess. This is all for the best honestly
Is this man still a faculty member? I ask because I'm concerned about this behavior and don't think he should be around students...
Honestly, if he's not tenured, he should be fired over this. Even if his relationship with her as a student was above board, it's still problematic, and then he makes an erratic post displaying anger issues and outs her as a possible SA survivor.
Edited to say a tenured professor should be fired over this as well, but they wouldn't be as so many in academia are repeat groomers/SA perpetrators
I agree 100%!
Me emotionally abusive ex is a tennis teacher to children
I think you would be shocked about many in academia. I am not defending him at all, but faculty are human and have real lives you might not like.
It's not about having a messy life, it's the public posting
The public posting is really stupid and if you read all the comments on the post, I actually defend the post staying up and this man facing the consequences from that post.
I am hyper sensitive to judging who should teach by anyone’s moral standards. I can see teachers getting fired in certain states like Florida is their students become aware they are gay. It pisses me off.
Inappropriate contact with students is even a slippery slope. Your student finds you indirectly on SM, you get fired because you have your spouse listed as same sex. Not cool.
This Supreme Court has me extra afraid of moral based rules. Your morals and mine may not be the same, I don’t need you to live by mine, but lots of people seem fine with telling people they have to live by theirs.
I’m a survivor of grad school so I’m not shocked at all 🥲 mainly curious because I read he was a guest lecturer in her program and some of her these weirdos have a pattern of pursuing “friendships” with students that turn into more.
Well, some men who grew up I a dominant female household have that tendency. I dare say.
He sounds awful.
Man I just can't imagine sharing this much personal information on social media. So inappropriate - what a mess.
I dunno. They sound perfect for each other in the “we’re both a hot mess” kinda way. 🤷🏻♀️
who is this
What podcast is she on where she is supposedly (he said) she would be talking about this?
I think her own?
Ooooh it gives me really bad vibes that he had to contextualize their breakup by saying she was drinking a gin cocktail. I don’t even know him but I too am concerned about his “outbursts”
Like she was out of her mind for breaking up with him. It was her friends fault. Or the drugs fault but definitely not HIS fault. Right?/s
Oh yeah it’s def not him! He clearly seems like an Angel of a fiancé /s
Keep your drama off the internet, dude.
So lemme get this straight. Jacqueline was roofied at her own bachelorette party, coped with it by telling jokes, and her ex-fiancé was offended by her jokes? And then was mad she wasn’t spending enough time with him?
Aren’t they both psychology PhD’s? How the hell does he not understand that she went through a scary trauma and was behaving in whatever way she could bear in order to just get through to the next day?
Scary to think he’s literally a psychology professor 😬
Between them and Tyler Nolan, I feel very validated for my decision to avoid therapists at all costs.
Jordan Peterson used to be and there girl that was stalker-level obsessed with me and a friend in high school is a social worker.
Wait…. “pre-wedding honeymoon?”
This is the comment I was looking for. I, too, would like answers.
Also, was he at her bachelorette?! Why?
Dear god this just sounds like an absolute mess. A break up for the best.
one huge dumpster fire.
Wait…he commented this on HER post??
He spilled all the tea.
Except he sounds deranged.
I am so glad she broke up with him. He does sound controlling and really lacks self awareness
Yeah - to me he is validating all of the concerns she and her friends were voicing as he vehemently denies them…
did he think this made him look...better?
That was my thought. Like if he thinks this will garner sympathy it shows just how out of touch he really is. “I’m so passionate, I raised my voice at her” is not a flex
Exactly! And completely skipping over her possible SA, and focusing on that she may have been flirting with another guy and accepting drinks from him? What the actual fuck.
I actually felt like what bothered him was that she was so light hearted about it? But maybe I read it wrong
It's not his place to define for a woman what the appropriate response is.
Oh I agree, I was just clarifying what it seemed he was upset about not justifying it
I thought I was roofied and my bf came with me to the hospital for a rape kit.canvassed the neighborhood talking to the businesses I was at and homeless people in that area to see if they saw anything and came with me to the police station for when I talked to a detective. It ended up not being anything sinister luckily. This guys reaction is very disturbing
I'm so glad you were appropriately supported ❤️
That was dark.
This is disturbing
Wow this blew up. Like many of you, my opinion is that he sounds awful. If this is him posting his personal *defense* and it sounds this awful (admitting to yelling and outbursts) then I can’t imagine him being a good person or partner. They both came across poorly on Dear Shandy, and while there’s generally blame to share in relationships - and I wouldn’t have posted comments and posts the way they did - it sounds like she dodged a major bullet.
If all your friends are saying get out, it generally means they’re right
I think it’s unethical that you created this post from a deleted comment.
As much as I love tea, I feel like she definitely deleted the comment for a reason. Although I'm not sure why she didn't block him to prevent him commenting in the first place..
Ethically gray? Maybe.
Good for tea? Absolutely