If I die in a cubicle, I lose a bet…

If I die in a cubicle, I lose a bet…


Rick: I’ll tell you how I feel about school, Jerry: It’s a waste of time. Bunch of people runnin’ around bumpin’ into each other, got a guy up front says “2 + 2,” and the people in the back say, “4.” Then the bell rings and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or somethin’. I mean, it’s not a place for smart people, Jerry. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue.


I'm twenty years in and still don't know what's going on half the time.


Luckily my career post graduation involves letting fruit rot then charging a lot of money for the resulting liquid.


Fair enough




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I’ll tell you how I feel about school, Jerry: It’s a waste of time. Bunch of people runnin’ around bumpin’ into each other, got a guy up front says “2 + 2,” and the people in the back say, “4.” Then the bell rings and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or somethin’. I mean, it’s not a place for smart people, Jerry. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue.


Or if you graduated in 2020, but then LITERALLY DID NOTHING all year because of this fucking shitting pandemic.


What episode is that?


Just do what I did and have sex with a nasty whore who gives you a disease that eats your ass from the inside out. After that, there’s not much left to worry about.


2021 high school grads in their first week of college courses


I’m glad I went military before college. Got good real world experience before it. 18 year old me would’ve definitely failed or gotten in trouble.


Let's be honest, no one comes out of university and actually knows how to do their first job properly.


Occasionally, I am surprised. Usually by electronic engineers, language graduates and IT people. Rarely, by arts and humanities types, unless they serve exceptional coffee.


You just have to keep putting mega seeds in your butt.


Per unit of time college is a horribly horribly inefficient at job training. College just indicates you are competent enough to stick with something that's probably higher difficulty than the job for 4 years.


I *will* mess with time.


Haha my first day as a teacher when the school principal ask me if I know how to take care of a class, I remember this scene


people are willing to hire them?!


Ridiculous. Ricks don’t end in that.


Graduated this spring from college. Lucky enough to find a job that is also work from home. My office is 5 feet from my bed. Although, I do miss out greatly on a lot of the social interaction with co-workers. There is no chance to build upon those relationships.


Lol ya like we came out of school with SO much to apply at work before 🤭🤭🤭


Oh man i graduate in 3 month pls dont do this


Pretty much the same as job hunting for a year after graduating. "Ah yes... Y class converters. I remember that lesson"


Yeah doesn't really matter, I graduated over 7 years ago and college didn't get me ready for jack shit in the real world. I still ended up learning everything on my own or with YouTube.


Graduates getting jobs... that's funny. /s/


Welcome to getting on the job training. Going to college doesn't mean you know shit, it's that you're great at listening to instruction and resourceful. Here at Umbrella Corporation we always need fresh faces looking for advancement.


You’ll fit right in


college night teach u the base, but in no way for many 4 year degrees are you ready to just come to work and start.


Med Students show yourselves


Milford Cubicle ?


Do you have any resources Rick and Morty?




It’s ok. The working world isn’t as brutal and cutthroat as I thought it would be. Like I spent 4 years in college killing myself learning 3-5 different subjects worth of stuff. Thinking the working world would be even harder. And then got to work and like maybe you work on 1 or 2 major projects. And everyone was really helpful. And it was pretty easy. College is the hardest thing cubicle workers will ever face. Getting hired is the second hardest thing a cubicle worker will ever face. Don’t get me wrong sometimes work gets hard and stressful. But it’s still maybe 10% of that feeling during finals. And this time you’re getting paid. Some advice. When you graduate, at first during the job hunt you’re going to get a ton of scavengers. These are bottom feeder types who will call you up and say something like “how open are you to working outside of your field of study?” This means they want you to work a call center doing cold call sales. Or like me, I got a CS degree and then I had a recruiter tell me I wasn’t worth anything but moving computers across the street. Despite four years of learning C, they felt that only qualified me to fix their email. Now, here is my point. You’re going to apply to hundreds, maybe even thousands of jobs. Days will go by with no calls. Weeks. Months even, where the only hits you are getting are real crap jobs. If you can hold out? Hold out. Because once you take that first job at a salaried rate. That salary rate determines the salary offer of your next job. So let’s say you start off at $25k, the next place will require you to put down your employment history and salary info (where legal). That’s what they use to make you an offer. So if you start at $25k they may offer $27k. But if you start at $50k, they may offer you $55k. So over the lifetime you have something like this: 25k, 27k, 35k, 45k, 65k, 75k Or you may have this: 55k, 65k, 90k, 130k, 145k Now, this is how HR tries to do things. Offer you as little money as possible but just enough to get you in the door. This does ignore states where salary history is illegal. And it does ignore if you manage to land a job not based on your salary history. But for the most part, this is how things work. Which is exactly why you all need to be careful lowballing your first career job. It may hamper you for decades to come and limit your career earnings by quite a bit. Always remember. A rising tide lifts all boats. If someone shares their salary info, don’t get mad at them. Don’t get jealous. Don’t think they don’t deserve it just because you do twice the work for half the pay. Take the info, know what you’re worth, and demand raises. At the very least you know the salary range to target for your next employer. Make sure you sock away enough in your 401k to get 100% of your employer matching. It’s free money. I know a 401k sounds shitty. But by the time you hit your mid 30s, that shit will start snowballing like crazy. My girlfriend is 32, got a real late start to retirement savings, and didn’t get to max her 401k for more than a year. But she has over $100k saves which is twice her yearly salary as a full time nurse.


Just saving this for in 2 years. Thanks.


More and more states have laws against companies asking what your previous salary was. Because it's bullshit companies do this, and you should just not answer. You should get paid commensurate to what the work requires, not by what (or where) you were doing/making before. Don't give them shit when they ask. It's not relevant.


Just work for a small business and skip all this corporate crap. Or get a trade, you’ll make more anyways.


So it's not that bad just apply to hundreds of jobs and whatever salary you take inextricably changes the direction of your career. /s Sorry, I'm a dick. Just ignore me.


Protip: you can also skip the initial lowball effect via the ancient art of lying about your current salary


Yep, 29 year old here. Took a different path but this is basically all true above. All great advice.




I came here to say this. "Salary history" is a cheat, where they get you to obviate their opening bid by telling them approximately what it will take to make you move. Just lie. Turns out people are lazy as hell. Almost nobody actually checks anything.


The whole salary being based on your previous salary isn't always the case. Especially if you're in an in-demand field. I've had >50% pay rises twice in my career (same field) already and I'm in my late twenties. Part of it is knowing your worth. There are loads of tools available to check your salary. Try looking when you don't need to so you have a better position to negotiation from. Salary negotiation is a negotiation, so approach it like that. If possible, go through a recruiter and get them to negotiate for you. The recruiter gets paid a % of your salary and will be much better at negotiating than you are.


Why did you write so much man it’s just a silly meme


> And then got to work and like maybe you work on 1 or 2 major projects. And everyone was really helpful. And it was pretty easy. Depending on your industry. I'm in factory automation and I'll typically have 2 projects MINIMUIM active and should probaly be working on both at the same time. On top of that there is a bunch of paperwork and service calls that come in whenever and doing my best to be helpful and accessible when someone needs help. >Hold out. Because once you take that first job at a salaried rate. That salary rate determines the salary offer of your next job. That is a nice idea...however few people actually have the choice to take a job they WANT instead of the first one that pops up cause bills dont get paused when you are unemployed. As for pay rates, again, depending on industry they will tend to taper off. I just about hit my max at 81k. I might be able to get up to 100k in the next 10 years without drastically change my responsibilities. If I wanted to be on the road ~75% or more of the year then I could find a job tomorrow for 100k....but that is no life to live.


I also disagree with the first point. Some companies wait until it's already too late to hire new people, the building is on fire, everyone is fleeing, and then they hire fresh college grads and hand them a bucket.


People in college should really read this. It’s all 100% true. Additionally, if you do accept a job out of your field (like what this guy was describing), it will be super hard to find a job actually in your field later. After your first job, people don’t care so much what you went to college for. Employers just care that you DID go to college. They look more at your recent experience to determine if they want to hire you or not. Example: I graduated top of my class in chemical engineering. Got a job at a manufacturing plant as a process engineer making pretty good money for just out of college ($60k). It’s been 7 years and I’ve progressed decently in pay, but I’m still just doing production type stuff and nothing related to my degree. I can’t seem to switch and feel stuck.


> Hold out. Because once you take that first job at a salaried rate. That salary rate determines the salary offer of your next job. That's just blatantly not true. You've also fucked up if you've graduated and you don't already have some sort of connections in the industry, there's a lot to be gained from working your way through university in ANY job in your field, rather than just taking loans.


How the fuck was I, as a college student in bum-fuck-nowhere Michigan UP supposed to gain connections or work experience in the automation industry? There weren't exactly alot of manufacturing plants in my college city (as in, maybe they had 1...MAYBE).


Marquette? Your choices are Olympic skiier, DNR employee or dispensary worker.


>Marquette? No, worst. Houghton. And by god I WISH I could have been a dispensary worker. But I was in school in the mid 2000s and legal weed was not even a possibility back then. I can only imagine how much better my college life would have been if I could have smoked weed.


Perfectly put. You don't usually see advice of this quality on reddit. This is how you really move up.


In the corporate world only.


Naturally. Thats what I assumed they meant when they said "cubicle workers"


Hahahah you think there are jobs…


i graduated years ago and still don't know shit




I don't get it, are you against online courses or in favor of online courses? Also why are you so angry


Wish there was an online tutorial to understand what the fuck this guys on about.




Either you're a troll or you've never talked to a real human being lmao


He trolling lol !!! he ain’t using /s


Me!! I start my new job on Monday and I’m so nervous because I don’t know anything


95% of what you do at your job is stuff you learn on the job. Granted this doesn't apply to every career, but any good employer will know you're inexperienced and train you accordingly. College and a degree are basically just used to screen and weed out candidates. Once you do have a few years of experience finding jobs becomes much easier.


The schooling for a job you qualify for will usually be a decent amount harder than the job itself. The biggest change is school has a plan to teach, it's a coin flip if a job has a training program that adequately prepares you for the job. A mistake I see a lot of people make is that the job will babysit them into moving up in the company. A lot of the time if you want to move up you have to figure out how on your own.


Congrats! I start this Friday. I’m freaking a bit …


at least you got a job lmao. good luck


Forreal. I've been looking for about 6 months now and only have a few interviews to show for it.


Nobody starts any job knowing how to do it. School is great and all but every job I’ve had I had to learn how to do it. You’ll be fine. Ask lots of questions, don’t be a know it all, stay away from the toxic ones (you’ll know them when you hear them talk), get what you can from the job and then move on. Congrats on the new job btw


Cheap excuse for those weak ass bitches that just found out how to learn on their own. Mafakas been learning off YouTube and mail in colleges since the getgo and making real gains as adults. Weak ass excuse for bitches that cheated their way through and were chin a complain anyways no matter how they cheated their degree. Pfft


Wish there was an online tutorial to understand what the fuck this guys on about.


Lol. Spell check and alcohol don’t mix






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Yeah I haven't learned a single thing since online classes started(I go to a CSU). I also have not gone to a single zoom class and just tell the teachers I work 2 jobs or something lmao. Have passed every class except one since it started somehow lmao


Hasn't learned a damn thing has passed the class is this some how what's wrong right now. Who gave up on society, who stopped trying? Idk I'm just gonna be invisible in life from here on out untill I die Fuck it


Uhh no, it's college. There are always some people with this mindset. Watch animal house, it's old and represents the mindsets well. I choose to party and be social over doing school. It's just what makes me happy. Each to their own. I definitely put in the least effort of all my friends to be fair, out of the friends that actually pass classes lol


Watch animal house lol I was born long before that movie was released I've seen it a time or two.


If you're still in school, I'd advise that you crack on and utilize the time. Yes, you'll have to learn a lot of shit at your first job, but you'll have to demostrate atleast some knowledge in your field to even get your foot in the door. I fucked around in my last year of university and subsequently forgot most of the shit I had learned earlier - I find myself having to re-learn everything just bevause I was over-confident in my own ability.


Thanks for the input. Fortunately I'm in 1 summer class and done. What career path did you go in to?


Data analysis. I graduated in 2019 I had a job interview today for my dream role.. nailed the conversation aspect, but froze up when he asked to see something technical. I then realized that I had been presuming that my degree was sufficient proof of knowledge.... Boy am I kicking myself now. Now I'm back to udemy and YouTube going over shit I've already paid $100 000 to learn at a collegiate level. AND, I got very goods grades at uni too. Don't waste your time at uni!


Thanks for the advice, I'm in my last year and looking to get into data analysis as well. I was just wondering if you had to learn R as a prerequisite for data analysis.


Python is more desired i think


Bro I’ve been out of school since May 2020 and haven’t found a job yet. Wtf you mean 2021 graduates and work Edit: this was grad school that I finished in 2020, so I have a Bachelor’s in Management and an MBA and still I can’t find anything


Man seeing posts like this make me appreciate Stem.


Hehe , we all know liberal arts is a pirámide scheme


I was in the same boat and I FINALLY got one this week. Keep your head up and start cold emailing hiring managers, it's what worked for me. Ultimately, LinkedIn, indeed, zip recruit were all p useless.


Try looking into contract houses like Randstaad, Robert Half and so on. That’s how I got my first year of relevant professional experience.


I’ve been with Robert Half since like September


Took 2 years for me to get a job with a biology degree, best of luck.


Ayy me too! And after those 2 years I landed a job that paid less than the work I was doing before college.... Hooray for higher education! But all jokes aside, it's really worth it in the end. Have great benefits now and not doing backbreaking work anymore. Living that salaried life


I was making $13.50 an hour doing university research lab sweatshop work, 2 years later and by a fluke or luck I am now getting $21 an hour to tell people they're doing something wrong and then they don't listen to me lol.


Graduated 2017 with a bachelor's in accounting and finance and I work as a fucking temp after years of underemployment while looking for direct hire. Good fucking luck


Oof. Have you only been looking in the same location? Accounting is a pretty marketable degree.


After over a year of looking for a job (completely different field) I said fuck it and expanded my search to the entire country. Found a job very quickly and was moving 900 miles from my hometown about 8 weeks later. Sucked to move away from all my friends, family and the comfort of familiarity, but it was the absolute best move I could have made for my life and career. Used that job to get an even better job after 3 years and couldn’t be happier.


I live a little over an hour outside of Manhattan. Though to be fair I've avoided the city proper. It's the same old story. Employers want more experience than should be necessary even though any competent adult with a little work ethic could handle the daily tasks fine. Entry level is code for over qualified and under paid. At the moment I'm working for a local credit union processing car loans. It's a temp job I got through an agency and even though it's technically finance what I really do is check to make sure the VIN is correct on all the loan documents, signatures and dates are where they need to be, that the borrower has sufficient insurance coverage on their vehicle. So basically I nitpick through documents all day and tell dealerships what they need to fix to get their money, or disburse the funds if everything is right. No real technical knowledge required. I'm trying to build my resume this way and see if it makes a difference. My friends and family are local but I'm starting to consider going out of state


Graduated during the 08 crash brother. Installed satellite dishes, worked as an overnight hotel manager, and merchandised coca cola products for 4 years until I found a job with my finance degree. Sorry bro, it's gonna suck for a bit.


Ridiculous. Ricks don’t FUCK with TIME!”


And it will keep sucking until you are finally granted the peace of death.


Yes but it will suck less as time goes on and compensation gets better with experience.


and the next market crash worse than 2008 is just around the corner sadly....


Idk why you’re being downvoted lol, that’s a valid opinion that many economists share right now.


yeah i know but people dont want to believe it which is understandable people gonna suffer from it really badly which is gonna suck i hope the US government will handle it better than 2008


Ooof just graduated...


Ah yes, the working world. Welcome, 21ers, welcome one and all. This is where your dreams come to die. 😜


Fuckd up man lol


Financial freedom my only hope


What's a dream?


[Insert Spiderman are you me? Meme]


What episode is this from?


It is from the new Season 5 trailer.


Ah, that's why I didn't recognize it.


Link to trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omwfbvfYpeg


Me rn


Academic integrity took a hit during covid if you know what I mean


I 1000% would have been kicked out of school if it weren’t for COVID.


TBF also before covid. It helped people forget the scandals with the sons and daughters of millionaire and famous people in college.


No...I dont know what you mean. Can you explain?


They're most likely talking about cheating in school, probably, since students were home or took tests in their dorms


Ah, fair.


Schooling has never actually focused much on actually learning. It's been far too much on grades and being in the chair. Covid just made that more clear, and reduced actual learning opportunities even further because teachers were inflexible and students depressed from isolation. School is fucked. I wish I actually spent that time learning and building good habits. Nope.


Respectfully, I think it just pulled back a curtain. That hit landed years ago


Finally made it into a university to do my bachelors last summer, graduating this summer. Upper division classes expected less of me then community college classes did. No complaints, I got this shit done and with a glowing GPA.


I dropped out so I’ll admit it. I cheated. Everyone I know cheated on at least one thing this year. A girl paid me fifty bucks to write an essay for her. My friend took the stats final for three people for a hundred bucks each. There was an active groupchat during my arabic final.


Just because cheating is common doesn't mean that cheaters aren't dicks. Dicks are common too


Ehhh I kinda walk the line of approval and disapproval on cheating. On one hand, education has very quickly gone from "fill their head with ideas so they can create new ones via independent thought" to "fill their head with many regurgitatable facts as possible for them to memorize and spit out on command for tests" in pursuit of higher testing scores and budget allocations. With that in mind I'm generally okay with cheating that asinine system. If the educators aren't actually teaching and are only "teaching" I'm okay with kids being "tested." If you know what I mean. It's all a sham wrapped in a veil of plausible deniability. -A former educator who left because we weren't teaching anymore.


Every standardized test i’ve seen over the past few years has been pretty heavily analysis based. I am a high school science teacher so I see mostly those tests but it’s all drawing conclusions based on multiple sources of data in that field and a lot of reading comprehension and simple math applications on tests for other subjects. If teachers are inferring the need to impart huge volumes of facts onto their students they’re missing the point, which is understandable because your view, standardized tests are fact based, is the prevailing notion. Then again i’m in the northeast and teach older kids. Also I look at tests and i’m not supposed to. You’re always writing and signing statements saying you wont even discuss the test, no wonder teachers don't know whats on there.


From my experience, college education isn't like this. You learn legitimate fundamentals. Saying it's all a worthless scam is like saying that you don't really learn anything of value, when my college education would easily be the most valuable years of my schooling.


But in America we are taught to be greedy and lazy dicks and our university system only encourages that.


Work smart not hard ;)


In fact, a dick to work needs to be hard




That's not smart. The truth will come to pass eventually. In one way or another. It always does.


Not true. I cheated my way through many of my classes from 2012-2016. Never got caught, no consequences. Got my degree and am on year 5 of my career, 6 figures and all as of this fiscal. Cheaters usually win. Bad cheaters are the ones that get caught.


It won't. It really won't. Not for minor cheats like that. Not that the cheating is working smart *or* hard, but it does just *work* sometimes.


The weak were subjected to only what the strong could endure?


Yes but this is such a massive oversimplification that actually: "err, input invalid"


It took a hit way before COVID. I graduated in spring 2020.










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Si papi


in fairness, most grads of every generation don't know shit when they start out.


Not MIS grads from UGA circa 2009. I still do my work pretty much exactly how they taught me to do it.


School is not a place for smart people.


Shit man, I don't even remember what I went to school for at this point in my career.


5 years of engineering classes , and I was still a dense motherfucker when I graduated. 10 years later I have improved. Slightly. School only gives you a summary of skills, as well as "socially programming" so you don't crash and burn out immidiately when you get to the real world, where all equations have 3 immeasurable unknowns and half the stuff you learned is irrelevant.


If I got a dollar back for every dollar I spent on college that didn’t help me learn my job I would have $40k a year back for 4 years.


College is a just a class sorting mechanism. Also shows you are able to complete tasks. That's about it.


I know a guy who works for NASA. He got the job in the mid nineties, tells of how he bullshitted his way through the first 6 Months and was not all qualified for the job. Now 20 years later he’s making close to 200k a year. Fake it till ya make it!


That's literally the definition of graduating with a degree in something... you now know the minimum required to operate in your field. A degree means you can do the job, not that you know more than jack shit of what there is to know. Too many people think a degree in one subject entitles them to comment with authority on ANYTHING.


Accounting graduate "assets always equal liabilities plus equity" Day one of corporate finance/accounting "can you journal entry this accrual in oracle to the balance sheet to make our quarter end numbers meet forecast? Don't worry, Larry made an excel template 11 years ago with the correct reversing entry GLs, just search the shared file.for it"


You have no idea - I hired a girl this January who basically got exactly this and then went and did it correctly...I nearly cried. I'm holding onto her as long as possible.


> in oracle fucking kill me


That sounds highly illegal.


O no no no it is ok because we will make an offset entry at the same time in the next quarter.


Yup, just listen and learn and be nice to everyone. Be a mvp and bring cookies in...


That’s because real world experience always wins.


Companies could probably be doing better by just saying their entry level positions are just that, and training ppl when they hire them. But leaning on bachelor's degrees as a crutch for weeding out unreliable people has just been too efficient for them. If they go back to that first method, then they get too many applications, and HR will have to do some work.


My direct reports are all technicians and don't require a degree at all, but due to amazing benefits and okay pay many of my techs have degrees. Without fail the ones with degrees perform better. It has nothing to do with the degree itself, it's just that finishing a four year degree means you have some capacity to learn and to finish long, complex tasks. Similarly I recruit for professional roles and we end up bringing in many more people with engineering degrees than science, even though either meets the job requirements (and neither ever has any direct relevance to the positions). The engineers tend to have much more industry focus and much more experience with practical problem solving, and therefore usually perform better. So yes, in theory companies could do away with many degree requirements, and there are certainly capable individuals without degrees who are excluded by this type of gatekeeping, but at a macro level it's worthwhile for companies to keep these screening policies in place. It's nearly impossible to tell from an interview or even resume how someone will perform. A degree means at least a minimum degree of competence.


I see this argument at the macro level, but jobs are not macro subject. There are millions of different roles. You say professional recruiting and mention lots of engineers. No idea what general fields you focus in but there are countless others that don't need it. I'm sorry but you don't need a degree in business to do sales and make commission. Half those jobs are just who's better at public speaking. Again I'm cherry picking a subject. But my roundabout point is due to massive amount of job titles at the entry level I think it needs to be looked at closer than a macro level


are you saying HR needs to do more work?


Lol isn't that the case for every office? Private, public, corporate? Always busy but nothing ever gets done.


A bachelors tends to just mean 'look I can study'


Straight facts


Which is kinda useful to know if you’re planning on training someone.


Oh god. We are meant to study to get our bachelor's degree?


Fuck, I should just drop out now.


And commit to a cause for three plus years


Where the fuck do you get a bachelors in 3 years? I only managed it in 4 years because I spent a summer studying Japanese in Japan. That nuked 90% of the required "general education" credits (which are bullshit in the first place, I went to college to learn electronics, not history, art, or psychology).


In the UK the standard bsc (bachelor of science) and ba (bachelor of arts) are three years. Of course you can get a master's (PhD) which is usually an additional two making it five in total but that's mostly for personal development and offers little to no benefit for most entry level job applications in the real world. Also you often have to self-fund a masters or apply for a special sponsorship. Doctors vets and other special cases vary MASSIVELY (typically +7 years) but generally most never feel like they finish training.


In Australia most are 3 years too


In the UK most bachelors are 3 years and most people finish in the regular time but we generally only do the subjects we sign up for (I had to do an additional subject in first year but it was factored in to the amount of credits required)


Almost all jobs involve cubicles or an equivalent. The kind that don't generally don't require an extensive education; they require exceptional creative/trade skills.


And that is why I deliver mail. The outside world is my cubical.