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First serious long distant relationship, need help, don't know what to do or feel

First serious long distant relationship, need help, don't know what to do or feel

  • By - h_mn

killerbekilled92

I wouldn’t worry too much about the random conversation drops, sometimes life gets in the way and we forget to respond to a text or two. It’s the ex thing that I don’t get, how long have they been separated? Sharing his posts on social media to mock him over a month after they’ve separated, while she’s moved on with a new partner? Red flag about her maturity level


h_mn

I get that and I don't really mind it, cuz even I do it. But it's just more of atleast knowing. But the thing ab her ex was, I started talking to her while them 2 were dating and she broke up with him cuz he had been dating another girl, that e didn't tell her ab and we got together a month afterwards. I get making fun of him cuz he also did some fucked up shit, that is not ok, but its more understanble if she was single, not in a relationship.


killerbekilled92

My take is that if they broke up and both of them have new partners its just petty bullshit for the sake of petty bullshit and that’s the biggest red flag here. She’s better off just blocking him on all social media, out of sight out of mind.


h_mn

I do agree but I don't really feel the right to tell her straight up what to do, cuz she's had really horrible experiences with past relationships of people doing that to her and I really want to treat her the way she deserves


killerbekilled92

You don’t need to TELL her what to do. You can just approach it from the perspective of “hey babe I notice you’re posting a lot of ex’s posts and while your jokes about him are funny, I think it’s been long enough that you put it to rest. Maybe just stop following him on social media so you can completely cleanse him out of your life” then go based on her response. How far is the distance in your LDR anyway?


h_mn

I'll definitely try that, my last thing is to pressure or control what she can and can't do. And we live 3 hours away and neither of us can drive


killerbekilled92

Never let your feelings take a backseat due to not wanting to be controlling. Asking nicely isn’t controlling, making a casual suggestion isn’t controlling, making your preferences known isn’t controlling. It’s only controlling based on your reaction to being told no


h_mn

You have a point, ig my stoopid brain just thinks it's all the same and that I'll be terrible to do that, I just want her to know and hopefully stop but I won't force her to do it, she is a very understanding person so i think she will get it but you never know


kansas527

I’m in a long distance relationship right now too. Most important thing is communication. Explain to her how you’re feeling, your frustration with her response times, even if she’s busy a simple “hey im busy, text you later?” is a reasonable expectation. And express your frustration and concerns about her posting about her ex. I’ve got plenty of exes, none of which do I feel the need to make fun of or post about, especially not publicly. Avoiding confrontation will just make it worse


h_mn

You're right, me avoiding talking ab how I feel really isn't the way to go, I just don't want to say the wrong thing or have her misinterprate my words to mean something else. They broke up cuz he was cheating on her with another girl and he did some other fucked up shit, so ig it's warranted, but only if she was single