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I [24M] broke up with my girlfriend [22F] and she’s having a mental breakdown

I [24M] broke up with my girlfriend [22F] and she’s having a mental breakdown

R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Background info Met my girlfriend 9 months ago on bumble, moved really fast, said I love you, had sex and became exclusive in 2 weeks. Met her mom by 1 month. And by 6 weeks she’d started showing emotionally abusive tendencies (name calling, screaming over small things to the point her mom steps in, lack of respect for boundaries). Breakup I broke up with my girlfriend on Thursday over FaceTime. I didn’t want to break up with her over FaceTime, but she called me to talk about her therapy session with me and she asked me to write down a list of reasons I stay with her and won’t leave her because she’s afraid of that. I come clean to her and say I have doubts about our relationship and I’m insecure about our future and I don’t feel like myself with her. She blows up, gives me an ultimatum and says I can either stay with her and work on this or leave. Tells me I could never commit to her like she commits to me, I never loved her, tells me I need to work through my own issues. We hang up. She texts me through out the night saying she’s going to block me everywhere. She does not block me anywhere, she deletes my number and posts a video on her IG story saying I never loved her and I lied to her and pretended to care about her. She continues to bombard me with texts. The aftermath She asks to meet up with me to get closure, I drive to her place, I ask her what she wants to talk about and she says “I don’t know I thought you were finally going to communicate with me” I start trying to tell her how I feel like I can’t express my emotions and I know she has a problem with men expressing their feelings (she literally said this and I have screenshots to prove it), she cute me off and tells me I’m remembering things wrong and starts to walk away. I yell “I wish you would learn how to love people and use things” and drive away. She keeps calling my phone as I drive, I pull over and lose it on the phone, I call her toxic. She laughs. She keeps texting me on all social media. She’s currently in the psych ward at the hospital and is posting the whole thing on social media and making me seem like a psychopath. I don’t know what to do, I’m so afraid that I’m going to become a social parish, I’m not sure if I did the right thing and I’m scared for her. TLDR Broke up with my girlfriend, she’s been harassing me on social media. She’s currently in the psych ward and I feel guilty.


CatMakes3

Block her on everything and cut off all communication. Don’t post anything about the situation. People easily see who’s being psychopathic when one person is losing it on social media and the other is calm and collected. Don’t feed into it at all.


NonaOrganic

Do this. The more she shows out online, people will realize who's unbalanced, and at least the reasonable and mature people would understand why you are radio silence, so as not to feed her crazy and to protect yourself. Good luck.


AdvantageGuilty6095

Disconnect. Completely. She's going down the rabbit hole and taking you with her. The more you stay involved the more she is just going to weaponize that against you. And she'll continue as long you enable her by listening.


[deleted]

[удалено]


beatissima

I had the same thought. Phones and other electronics are usually taken away and put in a locker. Of course, I don't agree with this practice. I think it's insulting to treat people in a psychiatric ward like inmates in prison or children in school instead of what they actually are: patients in a hospital. But that's another discussion.


ledzep237

Was going to say the same thing. They take all of your stuff away in the psych ward. Everything.


Neptune23456

You can


Inevitable_Exit_4062

We can't in my country


ThornInYourCyberSide

Since one can strangle themselves with the charge cord, I think you are confusing allowed phone calls under supervision with cell phone usage


Neptune23456

The chargers are kept at the big office where the nurses and doctors work. You walk up and give them your phone and they charge it for you


TransportationDue119

The only thing you should feel guilty about is rushing into an obviously toxic relationship. That was your first mistake that came back to bite your ass. The second mistake is to try and fix things so you can somewhat leave this relationship with a peace of mind. The more you engage with her now the more you will enable her craziness. There is no way out of this where she will be like " oh yeah i see my problems now i will work on them im sorry i put you through his" - the only thing you can and should do now is to cut this person out of your life as best as you can. NO CONTACT. The guilt will be hard to deal with, but that is how you learn to love yourself again. Look into selflove, it is one of your best tools to avoid shit like this in the future.


Kairuuuuuu

So far I’ve been blocking her as she gets overwhelming on each platform, blocked her number and Facebook, restricted her on Instagram, I dont have the heart to hard block her and I’m also afraid of her showing up to my/my moms house.


tnsosm

> I dont have the heart to hard block her dude. put your own mental health first That said, you might need to save some evidence in case you ever need a restraining order. And ffs warn mum, work, etc


Kairuuuuuu

Warned mum! She’s not taking it too seriously because she thinks my ex is harmless and just watches too many hallmark movies, haven’t had the nerve to tell work and don’t really know how to tell my boss “my ex is crazy and trying to make me out to be an abuser”


SalsaRice

Here's a basic thing to tell Boss/HR. "I have recently ended a relationship, and they have been involuntarily committed to a psych ward due to having a breakdown. She is already harassing me from every possible media platform, and I'm worried that she will try to contact you as well. I am in the process of getting a restraining order." You need to drive home how serious this is, as the Male in the situation you will get less sympathy and support than in a gender-flipped situation.


ChanceNo9245

You sure she's in the psych ward my dude? You can't use your phone in there.


StardustMacaron

Nah, I've been in several psych wards. Unless you're admitted to a specific one for a specific reason that needs you to give up things like that, most of them let you use your phone freely, you just can't have the charging cable which limits use. (Though if the ward knew she was using her phone to harass someone, they would almost certainly limit her use of it even further, for obvious reasons.)


magictubesocksofjoy

not true for all, at least. i had a friend who required some support and when i visited, most people were faced down into their phones...


tnsosm

Tell mum the whole story. And if you don't wanna talk to your boss, at least talk to security. But better if you do. Nobody can blame you if you just say "my ex had a mental breakdown and has beenn institutionalised, watch out, she might be in touch; I apologise, and I'm taking steps to keep her away"


ShadowCast2550

Also has she tried the whole threatening to kill herself if you don't get back together with her thing yet?


Kairuuuuuu

No threats to kill herself, her last Instagram post about the heartbreak before I blocked her she explicitly said she’s not going to kill herself, but alluded to wanting to die


ShadowCast2550

I only ask because I want you to know that if that happens do not go back to check on her. Get her to say she wants to die in writing (like a text) or in some type of audio recording (like voicemail), then call 911, and ask them to send an ambulance to her address.


[deleted]

Honestly, the less access she has to you the better for you AND HER, I'd imagine. Being able to engage with you is NOT going to help her in any way. Block her *everywhere*.


evoblade

YOU NEED TO DO THIS. What happens to you when she shows up at your work telling them that you abused her and she will be telling everyone that they employ an abuser?


Any-Tourist456

I will piggyback on this comment since u/tnsosm quoted something u/kairuuuuuu should really be worried about. OP, I say this with utmost kindness in mind: you are not handling this in a healthy way. You are letting her drag you into her disfunction for absolutely no good reason. You can pity her, feel bad for her, whatever. But it’s not healthy to keep communicating work her. You are done she is presumably getting help, block her and move on.


Kairuuuuuu

Have blocked her across all communication channels


OkBird4676

> They let people “post” in a psych ward? I call bs on that. > > They let people “post” in a psych ward? I call bs on that.


Neptune23456

Psych wards do let you keep your phone and you can post what you want. I would know as I've been in them


LadySmuag

Yeah this is a 'YMMV' type of thing. Some do, some don't. My friend was allowed to have his phone when he was in inpatient treatment.


Pierced_RN

It totally depends on what country you're in, and what type of facility it is. In most acute inpatient in the US, no you cannot have your phone. That may be different I'm lower levels of care or other countries.


blixt141

Unless you are in a ward that doesn't.


tnsosm

I have no idea


NonaOrganic

>I dont have the heart to hard block her and you're not at fault for any of this, but not blocking her isn't doing her or you any favors. who knows how she's spinning it in her head what not blocking her means but whatever it is isn't conducive to her recovery nor her being able to let you go. Block her via everything.


MeanSeaworthiness995

You might want to look into getting a restraining order.


Jazzisa

Dude, it's better for HER if you block her too... because she will keep obsessing, and it's not healthy. She needs to move on.


magictubesocksofjoy

there is some much deeper issue happening here that has absolutely nothing to do with you. don't trashtalk her to anyone on social media. don't get sucked into drama. if anything, i would keep my comments if anyone asks to a simple, 'we decided to part ways'. if she can hook you into her games, that means you're still playing and she automatically wins. polish up your spine and cut this nonsense off immediately. she didn't respect your boundaries when you were together. she screamed at you. she called you names. this is not the behaviour of a loving partner who values you or the relationship. this is a game to her. and the only way you can win is to stop playing and remove yourself from the field. so i say this again, since your own mother won't take this seriously - block her. hard. you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness and her behavioural choices have demonstrated neither. it's ok to be hurt or angry by a breakup, it is not ok to reframe an entire relationship as if the other person was a monster. and i think that behaviour, coupled with the fact that she's in the hospital - shows that maybe she has some significantly deeper pain that has nothing to do with you to deal with. managing her feelings is her responsibility, not yours.


skydiamond01

How is showing up at your moms house if she's in the psych ward?!


Avantguarde-artist27

I agree. She is the toxic one here and you have to completely sever communication with her. Go silent. Don’t say a word to anyone. She will find herself acting out and being difficult but there is nothing you can do to help her except GET AWAY.


Spartan2022

Every word of this. It’s not drama if it’s only one person. Simply walk away OP and don’t participate. If you lose a “friend” because of you ex’s rants, consider yourself lucky.


PeanutButterPigeon85

Oof, that's not actually always true. There's a certain type of narcissistic abuser who will manipulate the other person until they break down and then use the breakdown as "proof" that the other person was unstable, and that they (the abuser) are the reasonable one. I have a friend who experienced that going through a divorce.


tnsosm

I see your point, but don't you think he needs to get his version out there?


CatMakes3

Well, I think if she’s accusing him of something terrible then he could tell people privately. Her many nasty posts calling him psycho seem like they would speak for themselves, especially given her current situation in a mental hospital.


tnsosm

> tell people privately much better


awoocow

People who matter will dig deeper or know better. At least that is how I see it.


tnsosm

I think you are right.


Kiriima

From my experience of observing social media dramas (from afar), no, he really, really shouldn't. Don't engage accusations on public forums, period.


rollypollyolie

This, don't try to defend, don't try to reciprocate, this will only make you seem like you actually do have some part in it. You were honest with her and that's all you need to do when breaking up, she's being toxic, if anything comes out of this for you it might be a few friends asking for your side of the story, you tell them, they'll understand she a crazy bitch but she fucked so good on top you and she had to post all these things cause dick too bomb 💣 you obviously are none of the things she says you are to any of these people reading it online because it's not even worth your time to fight her on it, that's how untrue it all is, just sit in for a bit don't post anything back and it'll all blow over, for those people who actually think different of you cause of what this cray hoe says then fuck them too they just as cray gurl and they don't need to be in your life.


bopperbopper

1) know that you are allowed to break up with anyone for any reason 2) Make sure her family knows that she needs support 3) do not communicate with her anymore...You don’t want a relationship so do not have a relationship. Block her number/ defriend her. 4) Her mental issues are not yours to deal with 5)If you ever do happen to communicate with her and she says anything about suicide call 911 or the equivalent immediately


missveronicaleigh

Are you sure she’s in the psych ward? Because they normally take your phone away. You’re allowed to make calls on a landline from a common room but I’ve never heard of a place that lets you keep your cell phone.


theroyaleyeball

This is correct. I have a severely mentally ill family member. Hospitalized about a dozen times. He was never able to keep his phone and had to call from a public phone within the facility. This is clearly a manipulative tactic on her part.


Devilswings5

dude they wouldn't even let me have a basic comb for my hair when i got put in there and that was 10 years ago


ACK_02554

The unit I work on they aren't allowed pencils, they used to be able to use the mini golf pencils but a patient swallowed them so now it's just crayons.


SailorIthil

Yeah, I worked in inpatient facilities for years and nobody is allowed to keep their phone. I’ve worked in two separate hospitals in two states and neither of those allowed you to access a computer/social media either.


btribble

I assumed it must be a for-profit “recovery center” that her parents took her to assuming that he story is true.


Toohotto

Either that, or she's still in the emergency room waiting for an actual psych bed to open up.


Materialist-girl

I know two people who've been in psych wards (one involuntary hold, one voluntary) who were both allowed their phones. They just weren't allowed chargers, had to charge them at the nurse's station. This is in the UK, it's probably different depending on the unit and the person's condition I guess.


Kairuuuuuu

She told me she’s in a centre for addiction and mental health and she’s been posting it all over her Instagram, I’m not sure whether it’s true or not I can only convey what others tell me about her social media and what she texted me before I blocked her


Kigichi

Yeah, she’s lying. As soon as you get to one of those places they swiped your phone and lock it away with the rest of your personal belongings. She just wants attention.


munsking

where i live people are allowed to keep their phones, just fyi


Cold_Syrup3281

This was my first thought reading the story. There's no way she has access to a computer or phone or any type of internet.


missveronicaleigh

Exactly! The whole point of being committed is to limit your access to the outside world. You’re highly monitored in a psych ward. No way you’d have access to social media. They even limit your caffeine.


Cold_Syrup3281

I figure it also would be that by allowing certain objects, they become more of a danger to themselves and others. I know we are pretty much in a wireless world but they may have computer cords lying around, or depending on the cell phone, that could do some damage if one patient hit another one with it etc..


Lovelybabytt

in some psych wards they allow phones.


hume4oak

Nope: I was involuntarily committed. Once I leveled out I had supervised access to my cell phone.


fonzilightningstrike

this is a fake story. "you should learn to love people and use things and not the other way around" is a line in a drake song. OP is a clown


Narnes

Maybe he just likes Drake you dummy


dinahsaur523

I went to an outpatient day program, and we still couldn’t have our phones if I recall correctly.


SomewhereinOregon

Dude. She’s not in the psych ward. Or she wouldn’t have her phone.


obviousburner78

Hi so this might not be helpful but I have BPD and your ex sounds like she has it bad. People with borderline personality disorder generally have abandonment issues, extreme moods, and self-destructive tendencies. The label doesn’t matter in this situation but it might help you understand the way her brain is working when she’s having an episode. People with BPD are NOT inherently bad people, but with that being said, we are inherently unstable, and untreated BPD can destroy relationships and lives. You are not the bad guy for being honest with her, and you are most definitely not the bad guy for leaving her! In fact, you’d be smart as hell to say a polite goodbye and run for the hills.


BambooBlueberryGnome

I've been on the other side of BPD (knowing people with it), and I agree, she sounds like she has untreated BPD.


Kairuuuuuu

Wow this makes so much sense, she’s been getting treatment for anxiety, but borderline personality disorder makes a lot more sense. Thank you for that, it actually helped me wrap my head around this better


Up-Town

Kairu, My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your exGF, you likely would be seeing these 4 red flags: **The first** is a strong abandonment fear. A few months into your relationship, she likely would have started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women -- or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members. She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing THEM over HER. Moreover, she usually would HATE being alone by herself. **Second**, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she categorizes everyone as "all good" ("with me") or "all bad" ("against me") and will recategorize someone -- in just a few seconds -- from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction. Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is "all bad." She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as "The Victim." Further, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like "you ALWAYS..." and "you NEVER...." **Third**, you generally would not have seen her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (i.e., against YOU or her parents). **Fourth**, you often would see her flipping, on a dime, between loving you and devaluing you -- making you feel like you're oftentimes walking on eggshells. Such flips would occur in 10 seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly. Kairu, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?


Kairuuuuuu

I’ve seen all 4, she has massive abandonment issues and jealousy that I fed into. She used to say she doesn’t believe in good and bad people, but she also was very divisive with ideas and if you don’t align yourself with her values or make her ideas feel the most important she’d have a meltdown. Never saw her raise her voice at anybody but me and her mom. Flipping was so scary, I’d just be in the middle of a conversation and she’d pick a fight with me and make me feel like it was my fault unless I was quick enough to put my foot down and expose her behaviour wherein she’d make me feel like I was still the problem because I was “thinking too fast”


Up-Town

**Flipping was so scary.** Kairu, If your exGF is a pwBPD, she likely is capable of loving you very intensely -- but it is the very immature type of love you see in young children. This means she will occasionally flip -- in only ten seconds -- from Jekyll (adoring you) to Hyde (devaluing or hating you). And a few hours or days later, she can flip back again just as quickly. These rapid flips arise from a childish behavior called "black-white thinking." Like a young child, a pwBPD is too emotionally immature to be able to handle strong conflicting feelings (e.g., love and hate). This means she has great difficulty tolerating ambiguities, uncertainties, and the other gray areas of close interpersonal relationships. She thus will subconsciously split off the conflicting feeling, putting it far out of reach of her conscious mind. With young children, this "splitting" is evident when the child will adore Daddy while he's bringing out the toys but, in only ten seconds, will flip to hating Daddy when he takes one toy away. Importantly, this behavior does not mean that the child has stopped loving Daddy. Rather, it means that her conscious mind is temporarily out of touch with those loving feelings. Similarly, a pwBPD will categorize everyone close to her as "all good" ("with me") or "all bad" ("against me"). And she will recategorize someone from one polar extreme to the other -- in just ten seconds -- based solely on a minor comment or action. This B-W thinking also will be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions such as "You NEVER..." and "You ALWAYS...." Because her close friends eventually will be "split black," it is unusual for a pwBPD to have any really close long-term friends (unless they live a long distance away) even though she may have many casual friends. **She’d make me feel like I was still the problem.** If your exGF is an untreated pwBPD, whatever you do likely will be wrong much of the time. A pwBPD will perceive you as being hurtful when you DO something and hurtful when you DON'T do it. This puts you in numerous no-win situations. This conundrum is due to the position of her two great fears -- abandonment and engulfment -- at opposite ends of the very same spectrum. This means you often find yourself in a lose/lose situation because, as you back away from one fear to avoid triggering it, you will start triggering the fear at the other end of that same spectrum. Your predicament is that the solution to calming her abandonment fear (drawing close and being intimate) is the very action that triggers her engulfment fear. Likewise, the solution to calming her engulfment fear (moving back away to give her breathing space) is the very action that triggers her abandonment fear. Hence, as you move close to comfort her and assure her of your love, you eventually will start triggering her engulfment fear, making her feel like she's being suffocated and controlled by you. Yet, as you back away to give her breathing space, you will find that you've started triggering her abandonment fear. In my 15 years of experience with my BPD exW, I found that there is no midpoints solution (between "too close" and "too far away") where you can safely stand to avoid triggering those two fears. Until a pwBPD learns how to better regulate her own emotions and tame her two fears, that Goldilocks position will not exist. This is why a relationship with an untreated pwBPD typically is characterized by a repeating cycle of push-you-away and pull-you-back. Indeed, even if you are sitting perfectly still and not saying a word, a pwBPD who is experiencing hurtful feelings will project those feelings onto YOU. Her subconscious does this to protect her fragile ego from seeing too much of reality -- and to externalize the pain, getting it outside her body. Because that projection occurs entirely at the subconscious level, she will consciously be convinced that the painful feeling or hurtful thought is coming from YOU. Hence, as long as you remain in a relationship with an untreated pwBPD, you will often find yourself hurting her -- i.e., triggering her engulfment fear as you draw near, triggering her abandonment fear as you draw back, and triggering her anger even when you are sitting still in a room saying absolutely nothing. **I’m not sure if I did the right thing and I’m scared for her.** Kairu, if you ever feel tempted to take her back, I would suggest you see a psychologist -- for a visit or two all by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what you're dealing with. And I would suggest, while you're waiting for an appointment, you familiarize yourself with BPD warning signs. Of course, learning to spot BPD warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your exGF's issues. Although strong BPD symptoms are easy to spot, only a professional can determine whether they are so severe and persistent as to constitute a full-blown disorder. Yet, like learning warning signs for a stroke or heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., returning to a toxic relationship or running into the arms of another woman just like her. Learning the red flags also can help you decide when professional guidance is needed. I therefore suggest you take a quick look at my list of [18 BPD Warning Signs](https://www.reddit.com/user/Up-Town/comments/9hv2yq/what_are_the_primary_warning_signs_for_bpd/) to see if most sound very familiar. If so and you have questions, Kairu, I would be glad to discuss them with you. I also suggest you take a look at the r/BPDlovedones sub, where you will find hundreds of members sharing their experiences of living with -- or walking away from -- their BPD partners.


Kairuuuuuu

You are literally such a godsend thank you


jasmine_violet

r/bdplovedones if you want to learn more about what it’s like dating someone with BPD!


jess3474957

I have bpd and have acted like the ex a few times in the past sadly. I did get treated for it finally once they realized what it was. It really is something that needs treatment.


[deleted]

I've never been diagnosed BPD but I suspect myself. Just curious what is the treatment? I've always read things like, "therapy" Thanks for sharing this as well to reduce stigma. Most people look at the nuerodiverse in this sub as a plague it feels sometimes. I probably oversympathize tho.


jess3474957

I was suggested DBT therapy.


[deleted]

Ohhhh okay. I'm actually in that. Thanks.


Klutzy_Persimmon2583

I got the exact same vibe (I also have BPD)


Emotional-Skin-8169

Can I just say this entire thread is amazing. This is call relationship ADVISE, not move on and get over it. Regardless of weather or not he gets back with her, he understands something he may not have been aware of before and understands his ex better. It’s great to know so if it happens again he can call his partner out or expose a friend to what BPD is. It’s a shame this doesn’t have more upvotes compared to people just calling her crazy


mesalikeredditpost

Is gaslighting a thing someone with untreated bpd do?


tnsosm

Not your fault, not your problem. She was already mentally ill before you met her. As for your reputation: Anyone who believes someone who is *literally locked up in a psychiatric hospital* instead of believing you, must be as mad as she is. Anyone who believes her, doesn't matter to you. Anyone who matters to you, won't believe her. NEVERTHELESS I'd get your side of the story out there ASAP to all your friends and colleagues. If this escalates, I'd also talk to a lawyer.


NonaOrganic

>someone who is *literally locked up in a psychiatric hospital* I shouldn't have laughed.


PatientLettuce42

The only thing you should feel guilty about is rushing into an obviously toxic relationship. That was your first mistake that came back to bite your ass. The second mistake is to try and fix things so you can somewhat leave this relationship with a peace of mind. The more you engage with her now the more you will enable her craziness. There is no way out of this where she will be like " oh yeah i see my problems now i will work on them im sorry i put you through his" - the only thing you can and should do now is to cut this person out of your life as best as you can. NO CONTACT. The guilt will be hard to deal with, but that is how you learn to love yourself again. Look into selflove, it is one of your best tools to avoid shit like this in the future. I hope you learn your lesson. Some people out there are broken beyond repair and it is not your responsibility to fix them, it is your responsibility to protect yourself from that. My ex threatened me to commit suicide and I still broke up with her. Trust me, that was not easy but eventually the right decision. Don't stick your dick in crazy from now on.


Ok-Scar-6220

Especially like the phrase: “The guilt will be hard to deal with, but that is how you learn to love yourself again. 🖖


PatientLettuce42

I know it is a bit oversimplified, because there is so much more to it that people probably wrote whole books about it. I was with a mentally ill woman before and she villified me to an extent I started to believe her in some ways. I had to remember that I am not a bad person, that my love is worth something and that I am worth something. Mental abuse can grind down anyones confidence and selfworth if they let it go on for too long. That is why we need to love ourselves, value ourselves and know what we are worth. Because nobody else is going to stop you from making bad decisions. Nobody but yourself. I don't think anyone is to blame for getting into a relationship like that once, because we all know how blind love can make us. But getting into abusive relationships for the second time.. well, you can only blame yourself for that.


Kairuuuuuu

I think this is a very good lesson, I realized I only went along with this because I felt immensely insecure about myself at the time.


Kiriima

OP, just to make sure you've read it, don't ever engage accusations on public forums. There are more pointless types of vasting time on the internet but hardly any as self-harming.


PatientLettuce42

Yeah dude, sometimes we just don't know any better. Until we do. Learn from this and move forward. Im glad you found it helpful. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to take care of yourself and choose the people you get together with carefully. We like to give red flags the blind eye way too often.


Seeker131313

This is hard on you, too. Your girlfriend became abusive and toxic, and now is blaming you. Having a therapist of your own to help you process this might be helpful


frugalrhombus

You sure she's in the psych ward my dude? You can't use your phone in there.


[deleted]

As a human that literally had a mental breakdown as well (hospital and almost finally uh.... well I went through with the threat and it was close)... When my now husband dumped me ten years ago, you need to give her space. Block. Do not engage. It is not helpful for her. And no matter WHAT she does it is NOT your fault. She is sick and needs to get better and that cannot be with you hanging around. It never works. Edit: please don't hassle me about what I did. It was not right and it was mental terrorism and I am not proud. I was sick.


RudeDrama2

Thanks for sharing your story. This is powerful testimony for OP


[deleted]

Sharing the story is the only way to make what I did "right" (I hope that makes sense).


RudeDrama2

That’s emotional maturity right there. Well done.


DocAwesum

They let people “post” in a psych ward? I call bs on that. Just block her


Good-Amoeba-5299

That caught my eye as well. Not sure where they're located but I'm pretty certain phones aren't allowed in the psych ward. Or it's possible she isn't in the actual psych ward itself but another hospital environment and she's milking it for attention.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kairuuuuuu

Thank you, this has given me so much closure and really helped me not think I’m crazy


[deleted]

Block her everywhere, cut off any and all contact, and don’t tell your next GF you love her two weeks in


Kairuuuuuu

That last part is my biggest take home


[deleted]

It happens, you’re young. Learn from it


Bangbangsmashsmash

Block her on everything. None of this is your fault. Get as much space as possible. Do not EVER purposely meet up with her again. You’ll NEVER be able to say the right thing to make either of you feel right about this. Closure is a gift she can only give herself.


oldcreaker

Disconnect. Completely. She's going down the rabbit hole and taking you with her. The more you stay involved the more she is just going to weaponize that against you. And she'll continue as long you enable her by listening.


aecorr

When people can’t control you anymore they will try to find a to manipulate the way other people see you. Cut of all communication. She’s in a hospital so she has someone to look after her including her mom


TheAutomator312

Your best bet is to ghost her. Completely. Unless, of course you want to deal with this kind of thing for the rest of the time she's in your life.


Klutzy_Persimmon2583

Sounds a whole lot like borderline personality disorder (as someone who has borderline personality disorder) … you’re probably going to have to go completely no contact. Oh and watch out for love bombing!


Kairuuuuuu

Oh man the love bombing has been on again off again since I broke up with her


Klutzy_Persimmon2583

Yep those cycles of devaluation and idealization definitely get wild. Just understand that the idea of “moving on and being cool” is probably not going to happen, at least until she finds someone new to obsess over emotionally.


idiedin2020

Tell me about love bombing


Kigichi

It’s when the abusive party will come to you with false apologies and usually gifts and such. They shower you in praise and affection in an attempt to make you forget how awful they are and for you too let your guard down and let them back into your life.


idiedin2020

Ohhhh. Thanks for the explanation!


bsky50

This definitely sounds like she has BPD (I also have it). That doesn't excuse her behaviour, but it is likely the reason. In my experience, after a few days I will calm down (not that I have ever lashed out in the way she has). Maybe try talking to her again once she has calmed down, if you feel comfortable. There's nothing you could do while she's in this state. Depending on your relationship with her mum, maybe contact her to let her know the extent of what's going on if she isn't already. Her behaviour has been awful, but I'd be worried she's not safe right now. But don't take anyone of that upon yourself


Drifter74

What you are describing is someone with BPD, block, walk and don't look back (and yes it is called "painting black" with a victim routine cherry on top. Its always the ending...just as the start is always turbo charged mirroring and love bombing).


kvetcherkit

She absolutely is not in the psych ward if she is posting on social media. You are not allowed access once you're admitted.


Classh0le

You might want to join the community at /r/BPDLovedOnes. I can't diagnose people in absentia, but browse through the materials and support there to see if anything helps you


National-Assistant17

Is she actually there though? What "psych ward" allows patients to have cellphone/ wifi access?


Dumbassahedratr0n

Achievement unlocked: you've dated a narcissist Do yourself a favour and look up narcissistic tendencies in relationships and narcissistic abuse. You'll feel amazingly clearheaded from what you find.


pollonium-210

Nah that’s classic borderline


towfloat

Sucks but it is the society we live in where they will take her word over your because your a man. I'd say block her on everything and move on. Keep any screen shots, texts, pics, ect as proof


[deleted]

Men aren't women's therapists. Leave her and let the hospital take care of her mental issues.


urbanescape13

If she was really in a psych ward she wouldn't have access to a mobile phone to post on socials.


Piercedbunny

Absolutely hard block her on everything. She’s having a hard time, but she’s in a place where she can get help. You have no reason to have someone like that in your life. She’s abusive. Period. And you made the correct decision to remove yourself from that relationship. Who cares what she’s posting online? Crazy gonna crazy, whether you’re involved or not. If your friends believe someone in a psych ward over you, they’re not your real friends anyway. I really think you’re entirely too worried about what other people think. You do you- take the time to heal from this traumatic relationship. Work on yourself. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It sounds like she had plenty of problems before you met her, and now she’s trying to shuffle blame onto you.


DirtyDirtySoil

Leave and cut off communication. Don’t talk shit, it would only feed into people’s beliefs about the situation. At first people like to believe the “victim” but people’s’ true colors always come out in the end. Stay strong and love yourself. Keep composure.


hitmewithsometruth

Block her on every social media. If people keep harassing you, consider going to police for criminal harassment. If she's in psych ward, I doubt she'll get into an actual trouble but it might be enough to scare her off.


Cloudinterpreter

Just walk away.


rainer_d

Am I the only one wondering why people in the psych ward get to use a mobile phone and the internet? My naive opinion would be that in most cases, those two things got them there in the first place…


awesomom

You have already given her far too much attention by communicating with her after the breakup. She will make you crazy if you continue to feed her with attention. Cut her off. Block her in every way. Never acknowledge her existence again. Move forward.


Best-Company2665

There is a lot of good feedback. Instilling feelings of guilt and fear is part of the cycle of abuse. Writing about these feels may help you sort them out. Try to be specific, then try to sort out the why behind the feelings. You absolutely did the right thing by breaking up with her. You can't have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person.


SailorIthil

Hey OP, are you sure she’s actually in an inpatient facility? I worked inpatient for years as a mental health tech and nobody is allowed to keep their phone. I’ve worked in two separate hospitals in two states and neither of those allowed you to keep your phone or access a computer/social media either. Regardless, she’s obviously unstable and sounds like she’s just manipulating you. Run and don’t look back. You aren’t responsible for her.


Blo1630

Damn I’m a happily single bi male. Every time I think I might want to be in a relationship, I read shot like this lmao. Guys and girls are crazy. I’m sorry


EvilWelfareChristian

You're not God and not her parent so don't let that loser bully you with emotional manipulation and guilt. Think about it. If that parasite can't be an independent adult then that's her own downfall so if your life means something to you, stay away.


playnbagpipesonatank

It’s hard, but you gotta be a big ol wall of nothing to her. Don’t talk to her, don’t acknowledge her, don’t feed into anything that she says or does. If she shows up at your place call the cops (preferably not 911 unless she has a weapon, is belligerent, or it’s late at night). Like I said it’s super tough but you gotta do it for your sanity and to prevent her insanity from messing up your life. By engaging with her you only lose. Hopefully by not engaging she’ll calm down on her own.


thisastickup

block her on everything! once you do this & she see’s that you aren’t paying her any mind she will soon stop & realize you aren’t going back to her


swbarnes2

The screaming, the lack of respect for boundaries; **she was abusing you**. She needs support, but it needs to be someone **who is not you** who gives it to her. Abuse victims should not try to support their abusers.


[deleted]

Block on everything and stop responding to her. Change the locks on your house/apartment and make sure all doors/windows are locked when you are home. Try to change up your routine a bit so if she pays you a visit in the future (when you were typically home), you aren't around. Just my two cents, good luck!


SpuddyBud

Sounds like she may have borderline personality disorder. The book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" might help you understand and get closure. I'm not suggesting this as a way to "make it work" with her though.


MrSteven1945

Been there, just shut it out. Sometimes it’s clean, sometimes it’s dirty. Keep your head up.


Lumpy_Constellation

I don't know where she actually is, but it ain't the psych ward at the hospital bc they take away your phone. If you know for a fact she's in there, I'd recommend reporting to the hospital that she has social media access, they'll figure out how she's doing that. (I have 3 years experience in high acuity mental health programs that deal with 5150 holds regularly. Also my best friend of 17 years has been on 2 holds in her life, my other best friend of 13 years has been on 1 hold in her life, and my partner of 7 years was on a hold very recently)


Furious_Jones

She's literally in a psych ward man, just cut it off completely and maybe she will get the help that she needs. If this was the push to get her involuntarily held in the ward (I'm guessing), then she needed serious help to begin with. You have no reason to be guilty. This literally is not your fault.


ignitedwolf9200

when you deal with somebody who is this entitled, the BEST decision you can make for yourself is to completely cut them off. block her on EVERYTHING. she shouldn’t be able to contact you.


tildivorcedouspart

bruh. sounds like some pretty manipulative shit right here. best block her everywhere and move along.


nutbrownale

Don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm.


GrillDealing

You don't have to become a church if you don't want to.


Alonso81687

Only way to move in in this world is to block on all platforms.


domnyy

I love you after 2 weeks lol


Rocky2416

Run and don't look back. She'll be okay. You might miss her for a little while but I bet you'll see how much stress the relationship caused you. My advice from being with someone similar for 2 years.


CharZero

Usually devices are taken away when someone is in a psychiatric unit, aren't they?


Jazzisa

Yeah block her on everything, don't respond to ANYTHING. She will try to provoke you, but every reponse you give will only encourage her. Even negative reponses. You're gonna have to block her out entirely.


Kigichi

Block her number, dude. Just block it. Block her number, block her on social media, block her EVERYWHERE. She’s no longer your problem, she’s the problem of the institution and her mother. Block and move on.


TwoScoopsOfTrash

Is she a blood? Because she had her red flag out from day one 😭😭


coleosis1414

I literally watched this exact thing happen to one of my friends (she was the girl) with a guy she was dating. I have a point in telling you this story, I promise: I had actually dated this girl in high school. She was a pretty even-keeled person emotionally back then. We had an amicable breakup, moved on, and started to become friends again after a couple years (both of us in college at this point). She was dating a guy at the time, who I thought was a nice dude. But man. She dove in HARD. Within two weeks, it was everything: the I-love-you’s, the sex, conversations about moving in together and even marriage, etc. way too much, way too fast. I knew it was too fast as an outside observer, but I only supported her because you really can’t tell people they’re wrong about what they think is love. You can’t listen to reason when you’re that infatuated, and I knew that. So I watched it implode. He tapped out. Broke up with her. “It’s not you, it’s me” etc. Well. She lost her frickin mind. After he broke up with her, she called me crying so hard she couldn’t string two words together. Fearing for her safety, I went over to her apartment. She was crying so hard she was vomiting. Absolutely distraught. When I snuck in a comment like, “... I know you’re hurt and this is hard, but please keep in mind you were only together for two weeks and you can’t really get to know someone in that amount of time” she would just explode. I didn’t understand. What they had was real. Love at first sight. She just couldn’t go on without him. Etc etc. Within a week she was institutionalized. She started talking a lot of alarming nonsense around her mother. Mostly manic, unintelligible scheming laced with suicidal statements. Had to be dragged from her home by orderlies from the local mental institution. Horrifying stuff. Fast forward to today, she’s actually fine. Married, has a kid, on the right medication and sticking to it, etc. The problem, it had turned out, was that she suffers from severe bipolar disorder and it surfaced in her early 20’s. What’s more, it was genetic. And her mother didn’t warn her. ... My point in telling you all this, is that she’s almost certainly mentally ill and undiagnosed. And that’s not your fault. Hell, you did exactly what you’re supposed to do. You met a girl, you dated until the moment you realized it couldn’t work, and you ended it in a kind but Frank manner. You have zero control of her actions beyond that. She needs help, but you’re not a doctor. So block her, extricate her from your life, and get the hell away so that her actual loved ones (close friends and family) can address this with her and get her the help she needs. This is not on you. It’s not your responsibility and it’s not your fault. Distance yourself.


Kairuuuuuu

UPDATE : blocked her on everything after she called me a coward for not replying to her messages


AdOk5605

Block her on everything don't acknowledge any attempts to get in touch with you. This person needs help


FudgeSevere6072

Block her. And don't contact her again. Its no use to talk to her because the more you talk to her the more she going to tell people that she is victim and you the abuser.


SinisterBootySister

Let her be. Don't meet with her, cut all contact off.


importedidentity

Cut off all communication but make sure to keep screenshots of key things (emotional abuse/lack of boundaries/harassment/any red flags) so if someone tries to get on your case you can show them . Also when she gets out and if she escalates things, you could use it for a police report (though I hope it doesn’t come to that)


tryllast

Just block her on all, move on... Don't drag it out 1 bit


greenmarblesohno

You are never at fault for someone’s actions.


FemaleWantingDIYHelp

Don’t blame yourself. She needs to treat this as a lesson.


YYR123

This is a toxic relationship. Cease all communication. Change your number and move on


buttersismantequilla

You can’t have a one person argument. If she rants and raves online and you refuse to answer or be drawn in, she will look like an unhinged person and everyone will see her behaviour and accusations are not normal.


Lovelybabytt

It’s not even your fault to be honest. there was something wrong when you met her. don’t blame yourself because of her problems. If your scared i would suggest blocking her number blocking her off of all social media’s. if needed get a restraining order. You will find the right one just be patient and let love come your way💕. hope this advice helped! ❤️❤️


codymiller_cartoon

block her on social media avoid all contact with her she's not your responsibility , move on, be free


tntdon

Was reading this and was like, OK OPs got it together then he drove to her place to give her closure. OP clearly doesn't know how to handle this situation. OP needs to ghost the F out of there.


RealisticHoliday8790

Get in touch with a lawyer to protect yourself legally, the society is against men and your ex can destroy your life with false accusations.


WildRookie

Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. It won't work.


shadoxalon

She almost seems like a compulsive-liar-turned-gaslighter-extraordinaire from how you've framed it. * Commit quickly, be labeled as non-committal. * Try to talk about relationship issues, be given an ultimatum. * Says she's going to block you everywhere, constantly talks about you everywhere instead. * Invites you over for closure, acts like you're the one who has decided to finally communicate instead. * Asks you to openly communicate, then shuts you down as soon as you begin and contradicts your memory of the relationship. From her behavior, she's not in a psych ward. I'd basically treat anything she does like it's opposite day from this point onward. Her social media tirade might be pointed at you, but only one dog is gnashing its frothy teeth at the moment, and eventually people'll start to notice the rabies.


LukewarmJortz

*You* are not the person to help her right now. Reach out to her closest friend and then block them all.


Adventurous-Dish-862

Stuck your wick in crazy and now you’re paying the price. You didn’t stick up for yourself when she was testing you with all her abusive behavior so she fed off of it. Sorry this happened to you but I hope next time you will immediately quash any of that behavior.


wikiped1a

I was the girlfriend in this situation half a year ago, just on a slightly smaller scale. you need to do what’s best for you. at the time i didn’t understand why he cut me off and blocked me on everything but he needed to. I wasn’t abusive or anything i just entered a depressive episode, and nobody knew what to do. Block her on everything, it will be for the best. Everything is fine now for me, we are both dating new people and have no contact with each other, and that’s good. you need to focus on yourself, and make sure you are safe. your friends will understand and so will other people. i hope everything works out for both of you


butterinthegarden

Honestly NC, leave each other alone, she has all the tools she needs to get mental help and your relationship was not helping. Take the separation seriously, there's nothing left to say to each other or "closure" . You know she has her own mental health she needs to improve and I hope you get some to, because I can't imagine how this hurt you. You have your truth, no point trying to dispute with her because at this time she has her own reality, and she needs time to sort out her mental issues and that's not something you need to be apart of and take abuse to make her feel better. Separate, NC, and heal from this.


cardiganclose

Total Psycho. Stay as far away from her as you can. People like that can be genuinely dangerous.Glad you got out while you could.


ThornInYourCyberSide

Uh, all psych wards take away your phone, your computer, your tablet, your cords, your shoestring, the ties on your robe, etc. Anything you can harm yourself with. It is about liability for the hospital. They go through your bags, your pockets and see you naked or mostly. You aren't allowed to keep anything with you, or one book at a time if the psych doctor gives approval for you to read. I'm going to read the comments now to see other opinions.


Oftenwrongs

There is no such thing as closure. Never fall for that make believe. Block everywhere and move on.


dragnbyte

She’ll get over it. Block her


chickenfightyourmom

The only way to stop is to stop. Block here everywhere and ghost her. Otherwise you're just continually re-engaging, which is exactly what she wants. Take away her power by not engaging.


TKIGYOUTUBE

Been down that road before I put my ex in a psych ward as well. And at that time I felt bad thats normal. But when you reach this point you know its time and you have to move on. The only difference your ex is extremely toxic mines wasn't. So you definetly have to move on bro. You have to block her on everything give it a least month or 2 and you will see yourself becoming yourself again depending on how long you were with her for it may take days. Gl bud


ellz4000

Best thing I can tell you is that is what she wants. Don't feel plagued by, or even entertain that guilty feeling you had, it just means you were really in it to win it and she was too, but her idea of winning it didn't meet yours. You'll be fine and she will too. She has a lot to learn and she can't learn it from you.


RudeDrama2

No need to feel guilty bro - she’s your ex now and she’s fucking nuts. Let her be her doctors and her parents problem now. It she continues to contact you after she’s out of the nuthouse, file a restraining order. That tends to make even the most psycho individuals shut the fuck up and go away quickly.


ThatHistoryGuy94

**YOU CANNOT BE BOTH THE PROBLEM AND THE SOLUTION** This was my exact situation two years ago. I can almost predict what is going to happen. Your EX girlfriend sees you as both the problem and the solution, and you cannot be both. What I mean is that she ended the relationship, but she expects you to walk her through it. Continue to block all attempts for her to reach you, because every time she sees a message has been received, she will know you are still there. You ABSOLUTELY need to get away.


Full-You248

She will get over it


Jilasme_azelson

block her, i've been here. I was 18, so a bit younger. but i felt guilty after having feelings for another person (without cheating of any kind) and tried to break up. She basically exploded, stopped going to high school, and had a full mental breakdown. So, feeling that she needed me, i went back. months after, while I was planning to move in another city to start at university, she applied in the same one (without telling me) and followed. I found enough determination to dump her, and she ruined a part of my life there, texting me, calling me when she was drunk, following me in parties, even asking me to take her back two years after the breakup. It's only an example : this kind of person never change, and can be even more toxic than you think once you start feeling guilty. don't talk to her again, block her, and forget about her.


IncrediblyInflated

Other people’s reactions to events aren’t you’re concern