I'm 18 and my last year of high school starts next week. I've sorta fallen out with my best friend, my others friends are all doing things and I'm just at home. My only parent doesn't have a car and works a lot; we live in an isolated area where there's no real community. I just feel so stuck. I'm alone most of the time, I exercise, do the dishes, read and do a ton of self help stuff like meditation but I still feel utterly fucked.
I browse reddit and youtube aimlessly as well as use porn as a way to escape my thoughts. Thoughts of wishing I could hangout with my friends, or have a girlfriend to talk to. Fuck, I've tried getting to know girls and I usually just get uninterested after a while. I've even been so desperate to try and look for friends and even partners on reddit but it goes no where. I've stopped my anxiety/depression medication cause my parent can't afford it anymore.
I can't work yet because no transport plus work is hard to find in the country I live in, I can't talk to anyone, I can't find anyone. And then it feels like one big pity party so I try and learn philosophy and live in the moment. Just breathe you know. But it all comes back to this...
This feeling of emptiness and entrapment in a maze from which I can't escape. And you know what? I'm angry, really angry. Because I desperately want people to notice this post. To notice me and just fucking talk to me. But the thing is that doesn't even happen either.
I don't know man, I just feel trapped.
When school starts, I'll have all the opportunities in the world again. And I won't take them.
By - LilWizard32