See THIS is the kind of petty vandalism I can get behind! Horrendously disruptive, but doesn’t actually cause “real” damage. It always boggles my mind when people go straight for like, glue or breaking windows.


His smell can match his personality now, the way I see it. I don't need a vandalism charge, but I want him to suffer.


Once it gets better - Fox urine.


I covered an entire truck with Saran wrap once, then took a bucket of pigs blood from the fishing section and smeared it all over, then saran wrapped another layer, so when the person cut through it, they got a gooey smelly surprise. This was petty revenge for them drawing penises and swastikas all over my car before I went to work, with no time to wash it off.


I like your style! I did the saran wrap before, but before I wrapped the doors shut I put toothpaste under the door handles. So just when they thought it was over they tried to open the door then boom, toothpaste fingers.


oh, \*way\* better than toothpaste: anti-seize. It's graphited grease, and it's amazing. it gets \*everywhere\* a bit of that under the door handle and it'll be all over the place before they even get in the car.


Anti sieze. The herpes of industrial lubricants


oh god... anti-seize and glitter.


Calm down Satan


You just gave me a new reply I'll use often.


You’re evil and I LIKE it- come sit next to me!


If you want carnage you can go to the fish market and get some live eels. Those things secrete something really slippery when stressed so add that on their steps and seats


[Eels are gooey](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/7500-pounds-of-live-eels-spill-onto-oregon-highway-coat-cars-in-slime/)


Glitter. The herpes of the craft world.


Satan dust.


Also ironically not great as a lubricant.


This might be the perfect Reddit Comment. Have some gold.


Don't forget used 5th wheel grease available on the plate of any semi truck. And for tech fans we've got thermal compound (but that's kinda expensive)


I only have to look at a tin of copper grease and i'm covered in it.


I use anti-seize a lot at my job, I totally know what you mean.


I don't get it, like I'm assuming it's for bolts and screws and stuff that are vulnerable to heat maybe, but what does it do unintentionally in a prank setting?


Its for large bolts so it doesn’t seize when tightening down. Its greasy and has copper dust in it. So once it gets in the very small cracks in your skin its not coming out for a while, even with scrubbing. Even worse when its on clothing. So it unknowingly touch it then touching anything else guarantees a mess that isn’t easy to clean.


Anti seize isn't just large bolts,I work with it too and in fact just a few hours ago was putting it on the mating surface and threads of some nuts which were going on fairly small diameter bolts. But we use it on pretty much all bolts, some parts get never seize instead but that's usually things like borescope plugs


It’s pretty much the reason that Shop coveralls were invented.


Thermal paste works, too, if you just happen to have some laying around.


Im pretty sure a certain YouTuber has a massive syringe for that


First time I was helping my (now) husband fix his car, he warned me about that stuff. I rolled my eyes but then 5 minutes later it was on the side of my knee


My friend in sixth grade did that, only with feces instead of toothpaste. I remember being horrified but impressed with his dedication to awfulness.


Pepper spray on the handles


I’ve learned two things from you in a very very short amount of time. I’d like to add- gator fat if you can get it….


Thank you!


Holy shit. That’s amazing.


Didn't know that is even a thing.


Like, actual rendered fat from the reptile???


Yes. Byproduct in gator farms slaughtering process


the spirit of this comment made my day


For us non-gator countries: can you elaborate?


Their fat smells horrible. I read somewhere that it was one of the methods some Native tribes repelled mosquitos in swampy areas.


I did this with slices of American cheese in between the layers. In August haha.


I used to do saran wrap more as a messed up prank. I split oreos and stuck them to the windshield of the car before wrapping it. No permanent damage, just a mess to clean up.


My friends and I used to tag each others cars with window chalk. They all attacked my car one night before work though. I had penises, a swastika, and racial slurs written all over it, and no time to wash it before work. Honestly, that was kind of dangerous. I could have been unalived or possibly pulled over.


Yeah that's over the line. Tits, a giant dick, 'I LOVE COCK' etc is fine, racist stuff isn't.


Yeah I was livid, that's why I saran wrapped their car in disgusting stuff


Absolutely and incredibly SAVAGE! Applauses


I want to be your friend. AMAZING.


Y'all ever just dump stuff in your sink for a week and scoop it out for that special someone? I call it "Thank You Stew"


Sounds like you're maybe not dating the right people if you have gone that far multiple times. Or maybe you're the problem.


How on earth does one aquire that?!


One goes to a sporting goods store and asks for hunting attractant. Or one finds a fox owner and asks nicely. Hunting attractants are concentrated female animal urine. Even deer is awful. But fox is a whole other level of awful. Universities put it on the trunks of trees they are decorating for Christmas. Outside in the cold, you can't smell the fox urine at all. Students steal the decorated trees. They take said trees inside. The tree warms up and the stench begins. Then students haul them outside and try to get the stench out. That requires professional cleaners much of the time. And they end up arrested for theft because it is pretty easy to figure out who needed a professional crime scene cleanup crew.


This was wonderfully written.


They sell it to stop deer from eating your vegetable garden. So probably any garden websites or Amazon I bet


My grandfather taught me this trick! I’ve used it many times. It works well in a super soaker, FYI, in case you need to do things from a distance…


Now this is some information I could use.


Liquid Ass? Yeah, that stuff is HEINOUS.


If he gets that window fixed, you can always dump the whole bottle into the Air Conditioning vent at the base of the windshield. Double points if you do it in winter and it smells like hot farts in the car


Hey if he can't stop being a complete AH, he should probably smell like one too!


Could you saturate his mattress too?


His mom might let me into his room to do that.


Once it gets better, pop the hood and put a good-sized fish in his air intake, and/or a smaller fish in his dash vent.


Shrimp tails in the tailpipe. Shrimp water in the hood vent.


Are you acquainted at all with catfish bait?


Hopefully you sprayed into the vents as well.


👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 that’s all I can say!!


Clearly you have no idea of how much it costs to remove smell from a car. It's actually more expensive than replacing a window, since a window would be replaced by insurance. So yeah, this is "real" damage. Good for her, though, that's a great revenge.


I would argue that a semi-permanent "horrendously disruptive" odor in your car qualifies as "real" damage. That being said, I can't say I really disapprove of it though lol.


I see what you did there....behind...hehe


Oh I don't know... It could cause **plenty** of damage if the smell makes him throw up while driving. Win-win situation, really.


Actually, that's causing real damage. He will never get the smell out. I hit a skunk once and I was never able to get the smell out of my car. Fortunately it was an old car so it really was no great loss.


One time a girl cheated on me and I put a can of tuna underneath her driver seat. I got absolutely fucking bombarded by her friends and family even threatening pressing charges to have her car detailed and causing emotional distress. And most people backed them.


An ex of mine took open cans of tuna and left them under a dude's cat seats when he went overseas for like a month. In the Floridian summer sun. Dia-freakin-bolical.


I like that idea.


Dude! Dude! I don't know if you can get raw sardines. Like fresh ones. Hide one of those in his car. Fresh sardines already have a strong fishy smell, but once they start to rot... There's the fun part xD. And he'll search his car and the won't know where the smell coming from. A good place to hide bits of sardine is the little crack on the door where the car window goes when it's down. You can also pour soup in the seats/trunk. The fabric will absorb the soup and it'll smell horribly for a long time. Happy vengeance!


You seem to know a lot of…things. Useful things.


Well, I never tried these myself, although it is a fact that rotten sardines smell horribly bad, so you put that smell in a car and it'll be awful. The soup part also never happened to me, but a neighbour of mine accidentally spilled almost a whole cooking pot of soup in their car and I still remember the smell


I bet chicken broth, clam chowder, or broccoli cheddar would smell ***really*** **bad**.


Me, too. Really glad we ended things on good terms. I used to drive a beemer.


In sweden er have fermented herring, which smells aweful from the start. Use that!


Years ago, a friend got back at her ex for cheating. This one hot summer, she got a ziplock baggie and stuffed it full of sardines. Sealed it with some air still inside. Her ex had a small window AC unit and he left it on all the time. And he would party all weekend, not going home for days. She set the bag on the unit and left it there. I'm not sure how many days it took to fill with hot summer smelly fish gasses but it did end up bursting over his AC and filled his room and probably his parents house with the smell of rotten fish. I remember reading his angry rant on FB, complaining about the smell 😆


Spraying in the grill ensures it gets in the vents too. Just for future reference.


You are evil. I love it!


A coworker had a few coworkers that were putting nails in her tires quite often. She mixed up a concoction of buck in heat, fox urine and skunk scent into a squirt bottle and coated their grill. Every time they turn on their AC or heat, its a lovely little eff you from her. And once it sprays out, that's in the upholstery and carpet for ages too.


Fox urine is evil, there was actually a poster here a while back that had to live with a bottle of open fox pee for a month as part of a court sentence. He couldn’t get it out of the house after and it’s pretty much not breathable now.


He was court ordered to live with an open bottle of fox pee?? Please tell me more


Actually you really want the vents just below the windshield wipers. That is where the air actually comes from. Great place to spray air fresheners when you're a smoker.


Done that. Liquid ass


And along the windshield wipers.


You could have destroyed his reputation? He's been missing his passenger window for years.... How good of a rep can the guy have?


I'm not sure. He can't seem to keep a woman around long. He's gotta message about 20 before one will give him a chance, every time I caught him, I saw that most just left him on read. No game.




I'm an idiot though. I'm sure there are more idiots out there.


An idiot never learns, you just were in a bad place with your decision making skills, and you learned! Therefore- not an idiot.


I know, what a catch!


Why doesn't he have passenger windows? Red flag


He busted it out by shooting it with a bb gun. Has it on all video like a brag. Never fixed it.


Have you considered that you could raise your standards considerably and still find a partner?


He chased off every guy I tried to date after him. So once I'm done with my petty, smelly vengeance, I'm getting a restraining order.


And hopefully someone a bit more mature


I hope so. I'm in no rush. I want to be careful this time. This guy has been a real piece of work. I could write a novel about him.


Don't ever feel you need to find someone. You don't ***need*** a partner. Don't get me wrong, a partner can be nice, can help with psychological and emotional health, and can just be a comforting presence but you don't need one. Stay looking for one when ***You*** are ready, not when others tell you to put when you feel others expect you to.


Do that, make a lot of money, sell the movie rights and find an actor who looks like him to play the lead! Even better if the main character has the same first name.


This man has audacity, that's about it. The things he's done, outrageous.


Story time?


Story time!


I might post a story later. My goodness though, it reveals my stupidity for not leaving or pursuing charges on this guy. It's a humbling story.


Please move to a new city and don’t tell this dude. He has potential for future domestic violence written all over it; stay safe!


I bought a home recently so I won't be moving any time soon. However, I have security cameras, pew pews, and in good standing with neighbors. It was bad at my previous residence. He'd show up weeks after a break up, screaming at my Windows at 3am, because he was so afraid I moved on and possibly found another guy. He made several alt social media accounts to contact me when I blocked him. A real nut case. I don't feel bad for making him smell like exactly what he is.


Get your concealed carry permit for the pew pews and a restraining order.


I would love to get the carry concealed.


As long as you have a clean background, you shouldn't have a problem. Just search for "StateNameHere concealed carry permit" and you'll find the steps to do it. You'll have a background check done, and typically class course/photo/fingerprints/live fire qualification. Some states don't require live fire qualification. It's not a complicated process, you just need to have a clean background and patience. For Virginia, the only annoying part of the process was having to go to the courthouse to file the application.


Laughed at pew pews!! Must borrow that!!


What's funny is this windowless hick not only got his girlfriend back after cheating, he kept finding other women to cheat with. Either this whole group is pretty bad or homie looks like a model.


Wow. Much advice. Very helps. Thx.


Was this a high school relationship or are we talking about an adult?


Adults. 3 years of this bs. My fault for giving in to the begging and promises.


My sister bought a BB gun at 14... I've never met an adult with one. Yeesh. Grats on your amazing petty revenge!


I'm an adult with a bb gun. They're awesome.


Windows are not that expensive. Does it not rain? Or get hot enough to need AC? Or cold enough to need heat? This just screams I am desperately poor.


He doesn't have his priorities straight with his finances. He'd rather have steak and beer, than to fix his Window. Also riding around with expired tags for 4 yrs..


He sounds awesome! I can see why you put up with him for 3 years. /s I’m glad you have learned from the past and moved on for good because you sound way too smart for this man-boy.


It was my fault. I went off of his potential, not who he really is. I'm not even in love with a real person. I am just now finally seeing who he really is. Disgusted. Which made me think of fart spray and led to this idea.


To make it easier for his friends to hang out of it to holler at women.


Mostly his best friend...


So his best friends can hang out the passenger side of their best friend's ride.....


Tryin to holler FOX PEE


Let the women know anyway


I quit a job and on my way out i rigged one of those fart spray cans into the automatic air freshener in the bathroom… it sprayed every 15 mins or so for 2 days before someone found it


My mother poured synthetic cougar piss (deer repellent) in the cowl vent of the mistresses truck. They decided to leave town and move to another state not long after. Fun fact: He married her, then found another mistress 10 years later. He's on his 3rd marriage now. Cheaters gonna cheat ladies.


If you have someone who left their marriage for you, you have someone who leaves marriages.


Yep. My ex-husband is now the ex-husband of the one he left me for.


HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *deep breath* HA HA HA HA HA!


"How you got him is how you'll lose him." -- An adage for those who meet under less than honorable circumstances.


Sounds a bit like my ex. His new piece after I left him hated my guts until she realized who he really is, cheating manipulative cunt to say the least. Anyways, I think he's on his third or fourth last time I checked about ten years ago. What a tool.


"A mistress who marries her lover has created a job opening." or something like that. I don't remember where I got that from.


From another thread: “marrying your mistress creates a vacancy”


It would be a total shame if his name and address was added to certain religious groups list.... Total, terrible shame....


These groups include: Jehovah Witness Church of Scientology Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Feel free to add to this list


This is soooo smart hahah good for you. Cheaters are just insecure. He knew he couldn’t keep you. You’ll find someone so much better


Yeah if he doesn't run them off. It's so embarrassing when he shows up months down the road while I'm out in a date, or showing up to my home. They're like, "you dated THIS guy?" sadly, yes. I did.


Get that restraining order. I'm begging you


My head cannon is that this is the backstory for why Jerry’s car smelled so bad in that episode of Seinfeld.




I once had a weak, trifling momma's boy bf who, after me carrying him financially for several months, moved back home to momma while I was at work. Shortly after he left, I heard through friends that he'd bought a new SUV. This pissed me off because he'd left me with unpaid bills & I'd deferred repairs on my own vehicle in order to cover his obligations while we lived together. We lived in a snowy resort town, so one night (he worked graveyards) I went to the employee parking lot, found his pretty SUV, & put bits of limburger cheese wherever I could stuff them on the engine block & firewall. I heard he had a hell of a time getting that smell out of the cabin.


A bunch of using losers. I'm glad you did that. That's still way less damage than your ex did to you


Listen, you should know this going forward that you DO NOT DATE A GUY MISSING A CAR WINDOW FOR YEARS! All this bullshit could be be avoided if you saw the first sign to run.


We were already together, about a year in, when he shot out the window


And it gets worse


There is so much more


That's comforting. It's fine to make mistakes. Learn from them. Also, you ruined the car of a dirt bag that shoots out windows and bragged about it on Reddit??? I'm no scientist, but do you think he'll just let it go?


He likely won't even put two and two together. Since the window is open, he'll likely go around saying some animal pooped or sprayed in his car.


If I may offer a word of fatherly advice- now that you have had your revenge, spend a bit of time thinking about what you want out of a partner, and if shooting out windows or other forms of impulsive and chronically irresponsible behavior are not what you want- consciously date a different type of person, which probably means looking for them in a different kind of place


Wow, he can get dates while missing his passenger windows? Women be more desperate than I thought


I know right? I mean I didn't break up with him for busting his window out. Things were okay back then for a month or two. But it's been 2 yrs and he hasn't fixed it


😂😂😂 His cheating definitely stinks now!! 😂😂😂


My neighbor, Lori, found out her boyfriend was still seeing his ex and put an opened can of tuna under the passenger seat of his car right in the middle of August. Don't know if he ever got the smell completely out of the car.


Oof Reminds me of the nut job I knew in the past. She bought concentrated skunk spray and sprayed it into the air intake coils on her neighbors air cooling unit , on their home door handles, on their car handles, on the radiators of their cars, and along the window frames of their cars and houses. The craziest part of this was that she had picked up a dead skunk off the road a few days prior and kept it in her deep freezer. She tossed it onto the road the night she went spraying and wandered over the next morning to comment about the awful skunk smell. What you did OP was great… what this psycho did was psychotically genius.


😂😂 That is insane, but great idea! I couldn't do the skunk corpse for sure.


Yeaaaa…. I distanced myself from her shortly after. I like a bit of crazy in my life but she was on some sort of Hitchcock nonsense


I gotta say... If the missing window in the car isn't holding him back from getting women, I'm not sure the smell will.


This is not revenge or anything but I once left my car with the windows rolled down and the keys on the dash in a neighborhood that was having a rash of car thefts and I watched for like 3 hours as some of the car thieves tried to start then hot wire my car but I had a little button that I hid that would redirect power from the ignition to the trunk latch that I had clicked and by the time they were ready to give up a cop drove by and recognized my car but not the people near it and arrested them after that no more car thefts


Once a cheater always a cheater.


Whats the spray 😭


Who Sh!t Their Pants? www.thefich.com


Liquid Ass. It claims it's a fart spray. No it smells like literal human shit. Be very careful spraying it. I sprayed it on a neighbors door and got 1 drop on my thumb and it made me want to puke when I smelled it. I had to scrub it off.


This stuff smells awful. I'm by no means done using it though. I have it enclosed in a zip loc bag inside of a jar. Lol


This person smokes (potentially)


Play dumb games, win dumb prizes. 🤷‍♀️


I did a similar thing once, except it was urine that had been sitting outside in a 2L coke bottle. Not just any urine. I ate a bunch of asparagus and drank a bunch of coffee, and after it was in the bottle I added copious amounts of dog shit, then let it sit outside in the summer sun. Once it was nice and ripe I made water balloons (piss balloons) and lobbed all of them into my ex-boss’s BMW Z3 convertible.


That one took some tedious planning! 😂


I originally considered removing the lug nuts off his wheels but decided that was too dangerous. I was trying to piss him off, not kill him. Thought about sugar in the gas tank but it was too time-consuming and conspicuous to do in broad daylight. Thought about lobbing a few McDonald’s cups filled with paint thinner on the outside of the car, but I didn’t think about it till after I’d already done the piss balloons and figured a second strike was too risky. That dude cost me years of my life and tens of thousands of dollars and I wanted to show him my gratitude.


There are some horrible people in the world for sure. They get away with horrendous things. Yet, when someone gets revenge, that's not even half the damage the other person did, we're the villain. Sometimes we have to get that petty revenge.


This reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry’s car smelled so bad he had to get rid of it! Amazing revenge because he’s going to need to sit in it every day and think about his choices 😆


Wait...you actually gave a second chance to a guy who has " been missing his passenger Windows for years)" ? What?


I once took a used diaper all wrapped up in itself ready to dispose and hid it under their car seat in the summer while they were at work with the windows closed.


SERIAL CHEATING is a mental problem that cannot be cured. No amount of beauty, attention. Or sexual skills can slow the roll of a serial cheater. I am going to go out on a limb and say no matter how smooth a talker or gorgeous a man is, if he cannot maintain his vehicle he is not a man worth having in your life. " No passenger windows for years" really? Why would you even consider such a person?


More power to you, and great job on your revenge, but how did you not see a red flag when the dude is driving around without a passenger-side window? A guy that doesn't respect his own property certainly isn't going to respect another human being.


We were together before he shot his window out, that was about a year into our so-called relationship.


you could have dipped his condoms in pepper sauce


Yeah I can't bring myself to tamper with a form protection. But that's a good one lol


Absolutely NTA! I think this is a spot on revenge opener, that should be followed up by you separating from him in such a way that it will be difficult for him to locate you. Block him from your phone and any social internet sites (you may want to change your cell phone number). If he tracks you down, just look at him and sniff, and tell him he smells exactly like what he is. Bravo!!


You should have done his clothes, with a double spray on underwear. Bleach powder on clothes detergent and dish soap on shampoo bottle I heard before, but this sounds even nicer and takes it to the next level. Brava!


This level of petty... I'm all for it! You go queen!!! P.S. I'd put a motion sensor spray under the seat to tbh lol. Spray more of that nastiness when he or someone gets into the car!


You are my petty hero! Can we be petty pals? I don’t think I’ve ever been more impressed by someone’s level of petty connivance as I am right now!


He may he a clown but together you're a whole ass circus 🤡


That is perfect. Yes, you're very correct. I'm leaving the circus and getting rid of the banana.


Thes comments have me scared for my life, nose, and car…




Apply directly to the penis.


Did we just become best friends??!!!


OP sounds like my kinda girl. Hope all ends well for you.


The first red flag should have been the missing car windows


Just the car??? Are you abso-fucking-lutely sure thats enough? Shoes???


I wish I could just dunk him in a pool of it.


After reading about your petty revenge, I think that this stinks!


An Amazon review for Genuine Ford Fluid XL-3 Friction Modifier Additive - 4 oz.: "The worst part is that this smells like putrid bodily fluids mixed with rancid whale blubber rotting in a pile of pig intestines." - Kristen, 3/9/2021 Put a few drops in his vehicle it'll never come out of the fabrics


"missing his passenger windows for years" he really sounds like quite the catch


My first husband was a serial cheater. I learned to stop forgiving him and kicked is butt out. Cheaters always cheat!


Only thing missing? is hiding fish in vents so that after the fart smell clears out? Worse remains...


Wasn’t “missing a passenger window for years” a red flag? 🚩


See, I feel like the fact that he hasn't had a passenger side window for years should have been an even bigger red flag than his cheating...