T O P

I feel like the only one in the world that has to worry about my parents financial future

I feel like the only one in the world that has to worry about my parents financial future

TheGuardian118

It's called the sandwich generation. You're stuck between your children becoming adults and all the expenses that go with that like college and weddings, plus aging parents who aren't financially secure. ​ You've got to take care of yourself first before you can help anyone else. Otherwise the cycle will just continue with your kids.


potent_dotage

If you hung around here a bit, you'd find you are not at all alone. IIRC just yesterday someone posted a very similar topic...though I believe they asked specific questions. Did you have any? That's important because obviously there is no perfect, universal solution. I know it's a tough subject, best of luck to you.


johnny_fives_555

>Anyone else in a similar situation? If they lived with me I think my marriage would fall apart. This is a very common thing in blue collar generations. And frankly it sucks. But you can make it work. Yes it would be hard and long conversations need to be had with your spouse. But at the same time if you feel like this is something that you need to do, you should do it. At the very least you can put your parents under you as head of household and get the tax benefits out of it. I would advise upgrading your home prior to making any major movements as having a house where you can have some privacy is kinda key.


runravengirl

I don’t speak to my parents, but even when I did I was clear that I would not be their retirement plans. I grew up poor and worked my ass off to get where I am, so that I could provide my children with the things I didn’t have, including providing for their undergraduate studies. And I have no intention of them being my retirement plan. There is a very meager social safety net here, but there are a lot of options available if you look hard enough. My grandma has been living on SSI and SNAP in subsidized housing for 15 years, and while she doesn’t have a lot of extra cash to throw around, she has a reasonably comfortable existence. Without long term care insurance, Medicaid will cover some long term care options. It’s not great, and the way the US does things is fucked up and I get that, but putting yourself into the same cycle of not preparing for your future because they didn’t only kicks the can to your kids. Help out where and if you can, but when you had children your legal and moral responsibility shifted to them. Going broke or retiring broke to maintain your parents’ standards of living is not required to not be a bad person.


[deleted]

Thanks for your reply not sure why you got a down rating


runravengirl

Eh, it’s not exactly a popular opinion and I imagine for some it seems heartless, but everyone is entitled to their opinion. I would personally feel worse asking my kids to subsidize me as an adult as opposed to ensuring they were going to be able to survive themselves.


Werewolfdad

Its not your responsibility to secure your parents' financial future.


johnny_fives_555

As a person who grew up in a blue collar family for generations, is not as easy as it seems. Having children in a blue collar family is essentially securing their financial future. I'm not saying it's not wrong ethicly speaking, but that's the way it is. You're also putting OP in a position where you're essentially saying, they made their choice, they now get to live in it. It's just not that simple.


Werewolfdad

> You're also putting OP in a position where you're essentially saying, they made their choice, they now get to live in it. They did make their choice(s), they *do* get to live with it. Obviously, a **massive** amount of context is missing for a fuller assessment, but a child *should* have no moral **obligation** to finance a parents' retirement. The child did not choose to be born, the parent chose to bring the child into the world. But, realistically, we're getting into philosophical, ethical, moral, and existential questions which are beyond the scope of this sub. Edit: >My dad was addicted to drinking, drugs and gambling so there’s that. I'd say that's the context that confirms its time for them to lay in the bed they've made.


Blah12821

I agree with so many of your posts. This one included! I do enjoy straight talk/tough love. People pussy foot around each other way too much. There are times when people need to be given it straight. This is one of those times. Even with the very little context this seems pretty cut and dry.


Werewolfdad

> I do enjoy straight talk/tough love. Brevity is a virtue, and I truly believe its easier to just cut to the chase.


celticflame99

My parents live with us and we support them. It was cheaper for them to live with us than for us to subsidize another location for them. Thankfully we are financially able to do so, and they are incredibly helpful, providing child care and running our homestead of 7 acres. That being said it’s also incredibly difficult some times and I have experienced growing up myself in multi generational households (myself, my parents, my grandparents and my great grandparents lived together when I was younger) so the base of understanding is there. The key for us is making sure we each have enough space to not want to kill each other. Also with that being said you are not obligated to subsidize them if it hurts you and your children.


Aine_Lann

Do your parents get Social Security? Do they own their home? How old are they? What income do they have? What assets do they own? You left out a lot. It's an emotional situation but someone has to calmly and objectively figure out their situation and help them make a plan.


[deleted]

I edited the post to add the details. Sorry about that. They essentially left themselves nothing to work with, sadly. Which is sad because they both worked their asses off during their life. My dad was addicted to drinking, drugs and gambling so there’s that.


Aine_Lann

Do you have room on your property for a mother in law cottage?


Blah12821

I don’t think OP would want to go that route. OP said if they lived with him/her (?) he/she is pretty sure their marriage would fall apart. That’s just adding flies to the pile of shit. No reason to make things worse.