T O P

My wife is dying of COVID and I'm pissed at her.

My wife is dying of COVID and I'm pissed at her.

dwfishee

If you’re very low on oxygen, it impairs your cognitive abilities. So I might not take the business piece too seriously. I am sorry for what you and your family are going through.


I_pity_tha_fool

This is heartwarming wisdom.


foxtrothotch

Yeah dude, Covid makes you loopy as fuck idc what anyone says, I am MUSH now after I had it. Foggy mind, lack of memory, bad news...


Biorobotchemist

How long has it been?


foxtrothotch

Like 6 weeks since I first got it. So whack


Sin_of_the_Dark

Not to be the bearer of bad news, but I've still got some major ass brain fog after 3 months as well


FinnTea

To be the bearer of even worse news, I’m still feeling the brain fog, bad memory, poor sense of taste and smell 16 months later


nerfawfflezz

Right there with you I can't remember shit except that I can't remember that I can't remember


Sway_RL

the same for me, life just isn't the same


FinnTea

I just want to be able to taste pastry and rice man


cluelessexpecting

Not to be the bearer of even more worse news but they think it permanently affects your IQ. Some research started before Covid looking at participants IQ. They invited them back after a year. All those who had caught Covid and recovered had a lowered IQ. One person was 7 points lower. This is why people need to take it seriously, wear masks, wash your hands and socially distance. Yes if you're vaccinated you are less likely to be hospitalised but we still don't fully understand the impact of long Covid.


sarabee97

To be the bearer of the worst news it’s been over a year since my mom had COVID and she gets brain fog and gets out of breath so quickly just from walking from her bedroom to the kitchen. She’s gotten so much testing done with doctors saying everything comes back fine.


BelaAnn

Its been 8 months since I got it and 5 months since I got over it. Brain fog and bad memory still here. I have no idea what day it is without checking. Alarms help me with school days. I write down everything I NEED to remember. Never lost smell or taste.


Ketodude89

I had the same thing , almost felt like everything was like a dream state... Nothing felt real.


chefontheloose

That’s so weird, I kind of felt like that between my shots. First one hit me pretty hard, strange body aches, low grade fever that lasted for days and this vague, again weird, sluggishness. The second shot cleared up all my weirdness in like a day. Wtf COVID, you weird.


KittyGrewAMoustache

It is the weirdest disease. Sometimes it'll infect an obese 90 year old smoker with diabetes and they won't even get symptoms, other times it'll kill a healthy 25 year old with no known conditions. It can screw up some people's brains, some people's hearts, lungs, etc. It's terrifying. I can't understand the people who act like it's just a flu or bad cold. Okay, for some people it might seem that way, but you have no way of knowing if that's going to be you or if you're going to be one of the ones whose life is ruined by it. Far too much of a gamble to not get vaccinated and be careful.


cherrycolaareola

You seem like you have read credible information. The problem with the people who act like it’s no big deal is that they are not reading what you and I are reading. They think it’s overblown.


Nuklhed89

I just commented on what you did, but this right here is 500% my father in law… it really pisses me off.


cherrycolaareola

I have a family member who is a DVM (doctor of veterinary medicine) who has obviously studied lots of science, vaccinology, and virology, yet still believes the mRNA vaccines contain heavy metals, that they have immunity since getting covid over a year ago, and is rolling the dice bc it’s basically the flu…. Many of us aren’t allowing this member to see our kids under 12. And they are like, what’s the difference if vaxxed people can transmit too? Like WTF?


No-Expression-Given

I worked on a covid unit in a LTC setting last year when it first hit everyone here. I can definitely say, it is a very weird disease indeed, because some of the people that you just knew were going to die from it showed little to no symptoms and recovered fine, and some that showed no symptoms at first and didn't seem to be as high risk would leave and never come back. I lost so many good residents that I had come to know and love when I was rooting for them from the start. It was absolutely heartbreaking


CoffeeGood_

This! My friends's husband CrossFit trainer in his early thirties never smoked a day in his life, clean eating Covid killed him. Was insane. My niece has had it twice. Overweight drinks and parties. Only the second time put her out for two weeks. Still refuses to believe her blood pressure and muscle weakness is from Covid and still refuses vaccines. Also she thinks she is stronger now because a youtuber said so.


CrunchyHobGoglin

Yeah. My partner told me I was legit 'glitching' post covid - used to forget what I was saying and just stare. Much better now.


bechdel-sauce

I had it past February, so 18 months. I experienced a sharp worsening in my preexisting ME that has never eased, I still get out of breath walking and talking at the same time, I still get pins and needles in my face and what were minor tremors pre covid have become very significant. It's really difficult to say what would have happened had I not picked up covid; I was already experiencing neurological symptoms and I was already unwell with ehlers danlos syndrome and its myriad comorbidities, but its like someone took the dial from 5 to 11 on all of it. It also took about a year for my menstrual cycle to return to normal. Was like a literal 30 day calender and then post covid it was out by a week almost every month for a year. I have a non smoking friend who 15 months after having it still has a cough. Long covid is no joke and they reckon something like 80% of people are experiencing ongoing effects from it and we still dont really know what that's going to keep looking like.


sweariemother

I caught it back in Feb. I now have long covid. Can confirm, I have a memory like a sieve. I mean, I literally forget my own name kind of bad.


Bjalla99

I know someone who had Covid in January 2020, and had aching muscles ever since. Last week was the first time they didn't have any pain at all. It's scary and takes way longer than it has any right to, but it went away!


sweariemother

Oh that’s really great to hear. I am so sore all the time, it’s driving me mad. The dr tells me it will pass, it’s good to hear that it does! Thank you for that, and I’m glad your friend is doing well now.


yroCyaR

I had covid around New Years this year and ever since, I’ve been foggy and have to stop snd think what I’m doing throughout the day. Also, my sinuses have been wrecked. Feels like I have cotton balls crammed up my nose and nothing I do except keep spraying Vick’s sinus spray just to breathe. I still get weird, dizziness that hits at random. Joint pain I never had before. I was mentally and physically exhausted for 3 months until I got my first shot of Moderna and that finally gave me SOME relief from the fatigue! Covid is a disastrous virus and I work with a bunch of anti-vax, anti-mask assholes who think it’s just a cold like virus. It’s never going away.


Niemcz

Husband caught Covid in February just before he got his second dose of the vaccine. He wasn’t too sick but is now a long hauler. Wakes up in pain every single day and gets winded if he talks too long on the phone or during a meeting.


sweariemother

Bless him, it’s really frustrating. I’ve gone from walking miles just for fun to needing a taxi to get 10 mins down the road. I ache almost constantly and I still need to nap twice a day. And this is me improving! I just want my body back!!


Brazenbeats

It would also explain the glassy eyed stare on the way to the hospital.


SurprisedTeddyBear

There is a great video by "smarterEveryDay" on YouTube where he deliberately drops his o2 to experience hypoxia to explain why you should put on your mask first in the event they drop down in a plane - really eye opening and would give you a good idea why your wife isn't acting herself. I wish you all the best


DangerCuddles

That video really is eye opening, it's unbelievable how fast he completely forgets how to do simple tasks his life depends on.


mandym347

That is true, and if she still thinks this isn't a big deal, or can't understand that it is, it makes sense she'd ask about mundane things.


Ketodude89

Just got out of the hospital from this as well as strep throat and valley fever on top of it my oxy sat was about that when I checked with a constant fever that lasted days and diarrhea. currently non vaccinated but once I get back to 100% will speak with my doctor on my options. Was advised not to due to getting my ass handed to me by this. Most definitely the low oxygen is effecting her cognitive abilities. Don't write your wife off so fast , the doctor's wanted to make sure I was on my belly as it helps your lungs and when I wasn't I was using an Incentive spirometer to keep my lungs as strong as they could and it works if you use it, I was at risk of being put in a ventilator if I didn't work at getting my lungs strong and I said fuck that noise and worked my ass off with resting on my belly and using the Incentive spirometer. Call your wife of you can and let her know to use it and help her as much as you can. It fucking sucks but I'm glad to be put of the hospital with my life and I'm looking forward to the road ahead of getting my strength back ( including my lungs) stay strong and message me if you need to talk.


I_pity_tha_fool

Thank you. I am happy you are still with us and wish you strength in your recovery. If you ever need to vent or talk message me.


scylus

Also wanted to say this. The father-in-law of my brother is a very quiet, kind man, and when his oxygen level dropped because of Covid, he was tearing off his oxygen mask, screaming, and they had to restrain him. Doc told my brother that oxygen-deprivation can cause disorientation and even hallucinations.


zenbound-

I came here to say this. I work in healthcare and have seen this first hand.


Hannah591

She may also not have grasped the possibility that she could die from this. So in her mind, she's not worried about losing her family because she doesn't see her death as a possibility.


ShylyPompus

Your comment makes me feel that Internet definitely serves its purpose of propagating useful info instead of just affirming you miss givings. Thank you kind stranger


I_pity_tha_fool

I just talked to her nurse and she took a turn for the worse and they had to escalate her from regular o2 to a bipap. Her o2 wouldn’t go past 88 on regular oxygen. Her vitals are better but I’m told any escalation is not a good sign. If she makes it to a vent it’s 50/50. She also has pneumonia. Which is making it complicated. And she’s there all alone. I can’t be with her. No one can. If she makes it she comes back home. If she dies, she’s going to be all alone. 25 years together and I won’t get to say goodbye. Get your loved ones vaxxed. Smack them in the head with a shovel and drag them there.


Miggineezie

I am so sorry 🌹


I_pity_tha_fool

Ironically or not her name is Rose.


Miggineezie

Pulling for Rose to get through this!


I_pity_tha_fool

She’s literally the toughest person I know. But I’m sure being alone is crushing her. She draws her power from people and she’s alone.


SuccessfulPitch5

She is not alone. She has a team of trained people to help her get through this. Sending you good vibes man. For you and your family.


oleladytake

The health care professionals are absolutely amazing. My aunt passed away earlier this year from COVID (she had many comorbidities) but she actually rallied and was about to get discharged to a nursing home first and I was able to speak with her on the phone the night before she died. I was so touched listening to her tell me about the nurses at the hospital and how they were so kind. She was starving and they brought her broth because she couldn’t eat, and another one would come into her room just to pray with her as that’s what she had asked for. Even the fact that I was able to speak with her was through the kindness of an incredibly overworked and busy nurse who took the time to go into my aunts room and let her use her personal cell phone. I was so grateful for such a lovely conversation and after her passing, the one thing that made me feel slightly better was knowing how cared for she felt those final days. She also had no idea she was as sick as she was. I’m hoping your rose is surrounded by as much compassion and that she comes back home to you. 🌹


RemoteCity

Fuck.


I_pity_tha_fool

My daughter in law is a nurse and she calmed me down saying it’s not as bad as they made it sound. So while I agree “fuck”. It’s not a terminal “fuck”. It’s a we still have some recovery to do, “ fuck”.


Rabid_Ant

Not a man of faith but I'm really hoping for your and your family. Best wishes.


I_pity_tha_fool

Good vibes back to you. I appreciate good vibes, blessings, and namastes.


footsteps71

My prayers to Eir for her health and recovery, Thor for strength, and Odin for future wisdom related to this subject as she recovers.


RemoteCity

That's great! Covid treatment has come a long way already. I know this waiting period, the uncertainty, is so so hard. I'm glad you used some of this energy to spread the word: We All Must Get Vaccinated!


Floomby

Well I don't think you're being overly dramatic one bit. Right now everything is truly up in the air. If she makes it out, she might have a long tough road ahead, which means you will also. It's alright to feel whatever you feel, especially if this awful ordeal could probably have been avoided. Wishing you peace, my brother.


AyeKayCee

I'm hoping she makes a full recovery. She could be asking about the business as her coping mechanism. It may be too hard to face the fact that this is turning for the worse. My wife and I just went through COVID. I had to take her to the ER last Monday because her O2 dropped from 92 to 86. She ended up having pneumonia and could only stay for about 2 days before they needed the bed. Fortunately, she made the full recovery, but she could hardly make it to 500 mL on the incentive spirometer in the beginning. This virus is rough and scary, but just try to hang in there. We're going to get the vaccine as soon as we're able to. I'm embarrassed to say we didn't get it before out of laziness and ignorance. Our stance has 110% changed now.


cardinal29

Take several people with you. Friends, family, neighbors. Get everyone vaccinated.


AyeKayCee

My wife's side went and got vaccinated right away after we told them what we were going through. My side is reluctant and some are part of the TikTok/Twitter/Facebook conspiracy theory BS anti-vaxxers. I'm beyond disgusted and pissed at them right now especially considering how I told them everything we went through with the virus. My mom actually sent me a video during all of this of someone talking about how the vax basically changes your DNA so you're no longer human and aren't eligible for human rights anymore. I don't even know how to argue with that, so I've started sending memes back of how ridiculous it is since that's all she listens to. My grandparents got vaccinated right away and they're the ones I'm most worried about. I've also convinced my friend who was on the fence about it, but she just tested positive.


Jcn101894

Send your mom the U.S. laws on the rights of laboratory animals just to be a smartass.


ratatatkittykat

I’m so so sorry.


Lunavixen15

I'm so sorry


bigbear328

I’m so sorry. My cousin was on life support and in the hospital for over a month. She went blind and paralyzed on her left side. She somehow made it - and is recovering day by day. They expect her to make a full recovery. I pray your wife does too!


BxGyrl416

I’m so sorry.


FreeKarl420

My girlfriend has similar views about the vaccine. Thankfully she's getting vaccinated soon because of school. But this exact situation keeps me up at night. I can't wait till she's vaccinated. I completely understand your frustration. Hoping for the best OP


I_pity_tha_fool

Take her tomorrow or today. Do not wait.


Candid-Ad2049

Never met you in my life and probably never will, but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope your wife makes it through this and that the rest of you are safe.


ThatUnicornPrincess

I'm so sorry youre going thru this. Tell her to flow the instructions they give her: lay on her belly, deep breathe, use her incentive spirometer. These things can be a pain, they can be uncomfortable, but they will help!! Sending good vibes!!


HopefulEuphemia

My dad got it before it was his turn to get the vaccine. He has diabetes, heart problems, obesity, you name it. A few things I learned after he got admitted to the hospital: 1- the key point is if they need to be intubated. After that moment everything is harder and chances to recovery lower. But not all cases are the same 2- there is a turning moment, when the Oxygen is at its lowest and the doctors tell you "they might need intubation tomorrow". They either get slightly better and improve next day, or go into ICU. my dad, thankfully and against all odds, was on the first group. 3- a technique that we've been told it works wonders (and doctors are still trying to figure out why) is turning around the patients. On their back, on their side, on their front, rinse and repeat. Something about changing the position of the lungs. I'm just repeating what my dad was told in the hospital, and I just know it worked for him (that plus antibiotics and plasma of course). 4- if they are in the hospital for long, they're going to be weak as hell, cranky, but more importantly, scared. My dad's roommate died in his first night there. He saw grown men and woman cry and die all around him. He was hounted by the experience during weeks.. I doubt your wife will leave unfazed after this experience.. 5- just get the fucking vaccine people. My dad got sick because my sister went to a party. We got lucky not to lose him. Don't be fucking idiots.


I_pity_tha_fool

She’s been rotating. Apparently laying in your back doesn’t get the fluid out of your lungs and contributes to low o2sats. I’m glad your dad made it. Good thoughts your way.


Parky21

It’s not about lying on your back. Lying on your belly actually opens up the lungs and essentially increases the surface area of the lungs. Obviously you can’t be in your belly for 24 hours so they will try to do 12 hour shifts. Actually works really well, it’s called “proning”


Mercury_RyZing

i am so so sorry. prayers to you and your family


MountainHigh31

This is really sad and I’m sorry that you and your family have to go through this. I understand your anger completely.


I_pity_tha_fool

I’m more sad for my daughter. She’s losing her best friend.


ineverdothis_1

I think your wife probably does care a lot about family - or at least I hope so. Some people use talking about superficial things as a coping mechanism. Denial, if you will


Fiftywords4murder

Agreed. Just posted the same thing before seeing your comment. I can't imagine finding that out. Also I'm not sure how connected OP is to the business but when my dad had cancer, one of his biggest concerns if he passed away was that she'd be taken care of financially. He won his fight only to lose her 4 years later. Maybe she's just concerned about that as well.


I_pity_tha_fool

It’s her dads business. He has dementia so she does everything. Works 90 hours a week. The business is closed for the time being as she can’t run it obviously. But I am getting some clarity since I posted that earlier. Strange how perspective defines your emotions.


Ilikeitdownunder

Also, The lack of oxygen will have huge impact on her thinking and feelings. Don’t use this period to define your relationship with your wife.


Katie-did-it

I found out my daddy was murdered around 10p at night and obviously lost my bloody freaking mind. I hardly slept and my eyes were so swollen it was difficult to see. For whatever reason, I just had to take my final exam that morning. It was very strange how one minute I was hysterical and the next minute I was like oh crap I really need to study. It was like my brain was trying to help me survive because the feelings and pain were just too much to handle. It really rubbed some of my family the wrong way because it looked like I didn’t care, but in reality my whole world had changed forever and I just needed to grab hold of something familiar to feel like I could hold on to “normal” just a bit longer. I can’t promise this is how OP’s wife is feeling, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she were. Edit: I didn’t mean to try and take sympathy from OP by sharing my story in his thread. I thought it might be helpful because it’s the total opposite of what you would expect most people to do in that situation. As a biologist, I spent a lot of time “observing” myself and how my body worked to try to help me survive because ultimately that’s our body’s job to keep us alive by any means it can regardless of what society deems as “normal” behavior. No matter the reason that OP’s wife has acted as she has, I’m sure it hurts OP to the core and my heart breaks for all involved.


Fiftywords4murder

Very possible. Not the same but I was in an abusive marriage when my mom passed away 7 years ago. I spiraled completely. My four kids all handled it in different ways. Two of them blocked out the abuse and in doing so, lost the good with the bad and barely remember my mother, which breaks my heart because she was an incredible mother but an even better grandmother. My youngest at the time hasn't really grieved visibly. She's 12 now and more like my mother than any of them and remembers details as simple as specific furniture and where it was in their house even though she was only 5 (her birthday was the day of the funeral). My oldest was the closest to my mom because even though I bought a house at 19, I was still only 18 when I had her and I worked full time. She's 17 now and unfortunately took on the role of being there for me...she hid so much of her pain because she was worried it would make me more sad. I kept trying to tell her it was my job to make her less sad and it was ok for her to cry. My ex husbands response to my mother's illness is "everybody dies" which is a clear indication of why my daughter stepped up to be my support system. I never should have let her. Anyway, I digress. I am so sorry about your father. I cannot imagine finding that out and being able to function as my mother's death was expected and I still completely shut down for at least 5 years. You are an incredibly strong person, I hope you know that. I also hope your father got the justice he deserved for whoever took him from you.


Katie-did-it

Thank you for your kind words and I’m deeply sorry about your loss as well. We’re still waiting for trials but at least everyone involved is in jail without bond for now.


GilneanWarrior

Definitely. I do the same thing, it's just how I cope with things. I try to make everything seem normal even if there's a huge issue, it helps me think clearly and I think it calms everyone else down.


Fiftywords4murder

My mom was my best friend too. She passed away after 18 months fighting lung cancer 7 years ago. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. All I can say is some people just have different ways of coping with things. I can't imagine knowing I'm dying...although I feel like I know what I would do and say in the moment but I can imagine it's hard for all of you right now.


sinisterpossum

Your anger is real and legitimate. I’m sorry.


I_pity_tha_fool

It feels petty right now in the grander scheme.


liriwave

It is 100% valid and absolutely not petty. I am so sorry you are experiencing this.


mjb_22

Anger is part of the grieving process and you are grieving- even if she is still alive. You are grieving the relationship.


lemmful

OP, I haven't lost a loved one like this, but I've experienced similar feelings of betrayal and anger and sorrow and reconciliation, and I guess I'm just writing to say that anger comes in waves, and when things are different, you'll probably feel a myriad of emotions, including anger again, and that's okay. Emotions are complicated and conflicting, but all are valid. It's not necessarily petty to feel angry at someone dying. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope she makes a miraculous recovery.


EnvironmentalRock827

Over 20+ years as a nurse. Low oxygen can cause poor judgment, temporary memory loss, behavioral changes, difficulty moving. (Some people with long term lung issues could be fine at low levels, but this is sudden) She may be focusing on the business because it's simpler. I don't think she is fully herself so please don't think it wrong of her. Whether she admits it or not she may realize not getting the shot was a mistake. Your feelings are valid. But some of the radical comments by others for leaving her or divorce, now is not the time. The next days are critical and just try to be there for her and for yourself. I hope your children/grandchildren can be of some support. I also hope you can be with her. Some places are letting visitors in and some are not. Continue to express yourself where you can, but at this critical stage, with her, it's not the time. I hope she pulls through and you both find happiness again.


spacebotanyx

not petty. i'd be angry too. so sorry you are going through this.


sinisterpossum

Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but grief is normal and healthy and looks different for everyone. You’re going through hell right now, and to me it makes total sense that you’d be mad. I’m sorry. This is just awful.


Myfairladyishere

It isn't


throwfaraway212718

Definitely not petty; you nailed it on the head. She absolutely could’ve prevented not only her death, but the extreme pain and suffering she’s leaving on your laps. Not to mention that she couldn’t seemingly care less? I’m so sorry, friend.


Reddit_reader_2206

Although.... You may want to consider that with low O2 levels, people do dumb shit. She may be NOW acting under the influence of that low of an O2 level. She maybe does care about you after-all, but you should be mad, you should be furious and your wife is dumb. If she makes it out alive, I would suggest you really reconsider *everything*. I think you have seen enough.


BatFace

So I had heart failure, which caused my lungs to fail about 6 years ago. I was in the ICU and on a bipap for a week, almost ventilated. I was 100% sure everyone was over reacting and I'd be fine if they just let me go home and sleep. I had a 4 year old son and a new born daughter, but they barely registered in my mind at the time. I was just so sure everyone else was crazy and I just needed to be home to sleep. She probably does love you all so much, she's just in denial, shock, or not thinking clear due to the o2 issue. Being in that kind of situation is weird and hard to explain, hard to understand if you haven't experienced it.


I_pity_tha_fool

Thank you. Proud that you recovered and thank you for that perspective. I know she’s going through a lot


Mis73

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please don't give up hope. I had Covid at the beginning of April. My fiancé found me unresponsive and turning blue. When I got to the hospital, I was in acute respiratory distress, liver failure, kidney failure, and double pneumonia. Like your wife, I couldn't maintain my O2 on just oxygen, I had to have BiPap. I don't even remember the ride to hospital or the first 48 hours I was there because I was in and out of consciousness. Like you, he and my kids were preparing themselves to loose me. I am still here. It's been a long, hard road but I'm here. I'm 48 years old, with MS, obesity, high blood pressure, and AFib. Yet... I am still here. I beat Covid and if I can, your wife still stands a chance too. Please don't give up. \*edit/grammar


I_pity_tha_fool

Thankful you are here to share your story. Thank you.


Glitter_berries

Wow, you are one tough cookie for surviving all that with all of your risk factors. Sounds like a horrendous experience.


Dee-Es

I don’t think it’s about not caring about you. It’s more about denial. She hasn’t come to terms with the seriousness of her situation. My wife did the same thing. She was a well respected teacher and busted her ass for almost 30 years. She got sick and had to go to the hospital. She was there for a week and not recovering. She was transferred 2 times and then had a severe stroke which did a lot of damage physically and mentally. BUT she was adamant about getting back to work because she had preparations to take care of. It took her another 3 months to realize she wasn’t ever going to to be able to go back to work again. I feel your pain. You just got to be there for her. That’s all you can do.


I_pity_tha_fool

Oh man. That’s horrible. I hope your wife finds recovery and peace after teaching. I know she’s earned it.


anonymousforever

I hope your wife recovers enough that she can find something positive she can do, such as perhaps doing some reading tutoring after school one on one a couple days a week, or seeing if she can do one on one tutoring at the library with reading or math, even if she volunteers her time or charges a token fee for worksheets and booklets from the dollar store etc. I'm sure she has a network of teacher friends after 30 years, and if she physically can, even if she can't teach a full school day, doing a little tutoring by referrals could be a way to stay engaged and do something she finds meaningful. Then it's what activity she can tolerate and on her terms. Just a thought.


simpleambiguity

She might just be in denial and so her behavior might not reflect how she feels about you. I wish your family healing all around


I_pity_tha_fool

I realize that. She’s hanging in to the things she thinks she can control. But I wish she would hold on to the hope that we’ll get to take our granddaughter on vacations and do cool shit. Not who’s going to cover for her while she’s out.


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I_pity_tha_fool

You are correct. I guess forcing someone to be in their last mortal moments is way more fucked than it would have been to say goodbye to us. That would have broken her.


[deleted]

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I_pity_tha_fool

I think that’s one of the things I’m so devastated by. This was all avoidable.


No-Surround1664

I hope she recovers. For her children. I hope you two can recover and she changes her tune about what matters. Please take care of yourself! I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family. ✨💜


I_pity_tha_fool

Thank you. I just tried to FaceTime her and I couldn’t get her. Maybe she’s just resting. Fuck, I hope so.


mananaaaaa

In regards to not being able to reach her right now, she may just not have easy access to her personal phone-(I work in a hospital and do cardiac ultrasound). Sometimes during my exam people let their phones ring and say they’ll get them after, then fall asleep and stay asleep due to exhaustion. Or I walk in and their phone has been on the floor and they’re hooked up to their IV/O2/breathing mask and haven’t been able to grab it. Or if she’s hooked up to a BiPap or something, it’s likely she can’t physically talk through the mask. Feel free to call the floor and ask for her nurse for an update-they’re typically pretty willing to talk to loved ones and give updates when they have a second. Try not to be offended if they’re unavailable, they’re caring for a lot of patients at once. Wishing you the best of luck and so much strength. All of your feelings are valid right now.


Floomby

...or, the phone could be discharged, or bagged up with her personal possessions. Seconding to call the nurses' station.


SquishyBrat

Hey OP.. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through and I am thinking of you and your family. Hoping for the best and sending my love. I want you to know I have been on the fence about the vaccine for a while (too many extreme opinions coupled with trust issues and anxiety)… but this thread has helped me make up my mind to get vaxxed. I’m going to go do it. Thank you for sharing your story. Stay strong. 💕


I_pity_tha_fool

Go today. I know Krogers, CVS's, and Walgreens all carry it and you can get in and out in under 5 minutes.


Plusran

There are two viruses. One is an airborne disease killing hundreds of thousands of people. The other is weaponized disinformation, which is especially effective in places that glorify ignorance, fear, and hate, because it spreads everywhere else (like a virus)


I_pity_tha_fool

Disinformation should be a crime. Freedom of speech is fine but this weaponized bullshit is costing people lives.


[deleted]

I completely agree, and yet I must heartbreakingly admit I have no solution. Disinformation faces the same major regulation issue porn does; we ALL KNOW IT when we SEE IT, but we don't all agree on what IT is.


Ignore_Me-

What started off as a virus has morphed into an IQ test.


_black_milk

🫂


I_pity_tha_fool

Don’t know what that means.


_black_milk

It's a hug.


I_pity_tha_fool

I see it now. I was trying to think why the blue couch had Mickey Mouse ears. But gave up trying to interpret meaning from it.


bananamadafaka

I’m sorry I’m laughing at your description of that emoji.


I_pity_tha_fool

Calls em likes I sees em.


kalvinbastello

My wife's best friends husband died of covid. His mother got it first and died. A few weeks later he got it and died two weeks later. Both had opportunities to get the vaccine well in advance with ample local supply and chose not to. Wife's friend still won't get vaccine. I'm sorry man.


WearyMatter

I'm not a religious person, but you and your family are in my thoughts. I sincerely hope the best outcome possible for all of you.


dogmom12589

I’m so sorry.


ShawarmaOrigins

I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's ok to be pissed at her. But also keep in mind that she wasn't herself when she said what she did. It's difficult to hear, I know, but don't let that be the thing you take away from what might be your last moments together. Stay strong. For yourself, her, and especially the kids. Forgive quickly. It'll eat you up inside for a long, long time.


joseph-1998-XO

I’m so sorry my dad didn’t want it initially but yea his O2 levels dropped and had to be rushed to a hospital for a day or two a couple months ago


I_pity_tha_fool

I hope he recovers/ed


[deleted]

OP I assume you are vaccinated and how old are you? You should take the PCR to see if you have covid. Delta Variant you can still get even if you have both shots of the vaccine.


I_pity_tha_fool

I am vaccinated. I’m 45 and had the Johnson and Johnson shot. I did have a rough day right before she had her worst day but never ran a fever.


firelitdrgn

You should still get tested just in case. That way if it comes back positive for some reason you can start monitoring your own oxygen levels and to let your kids know to not be in close contact until you test negative again. Best of luck to you and your wife. I can’t even imagine how frustrated you are right now.


mananaaaaa

Fuck. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This is a legitimate nightmare and I’m worried every day that I’m going to experience it with my own close family. Hoping she turns a corner and pulls through. If you’re allowed to visit, talk to her even if she’s put on a ventilator. She can hear you and she will know you’re there.


SpicyMangosteen

Hey OP, I wish I had something more impactful than another "I'm so sorry," but man, I really am, so so sorry. I'm still holding out hope for your wife. While I 100% agree that covid is no joke, weve come a long way with treatment options, and a lot of folks do still pull through, even when the deck seems stacked against them. Sounds like you've had some time to reflect on your wife talking about the business. I cant expres to you enough how much of a surival-mode response this is. She can't go into wife and mom mode, itd crush her. Frankly, if she let the burden of leaving her family because she made a stupid mistake consume her, it would add additional stress to her body that her body CANNOT handle right now. Think of it as a survival mechanism. She has to keep herself together in some form if she wants to pull through this. Maybe going into "boss mode" is her most familiar "fight" response. Main takeaway, it's so not personal, and these comments do not define her. Or your relationship. Thinking of you and your family. Your wife may have been brainwashed with false information but she doesnt deserve to die. Rooting for her!!!!


oissac4991

Oh no, man. The boyfriend of my mom also doesn't wanted to get vaccinated and until now, she had a loss of almost $1000 because of all of this confusion. Money that she doesn't had. Aside from the "headache" of handle with he being stubborn. I wish your wife will get better as soon as possible and reconsider to get vaccinated. Bests.


I_pity_tha_fool

I don’t think she can for a while after this but I am forcing her hand on this one.


annatosis

I'm so sorry. Grief mixed with anger is such a powerful emotion. Please remember that no matter how complicated your feelings get they are all normal and make sense. If you're open to therapy, I would highly recommend it. Please take care and again, I am so sorry you're in this situation. Best wishes.


Tori_117

I know how you feel, my mother almost died from Covid and she still is hesitant about getting vaccinated.


I_pity_tha_fool

I feel for you. We argued over this since March. Someone shared a vice video with me about this situation (Sorry whoever it was I can't find your post). show her that.


VanillaBryce5

Sending you a virtual hug my dude. That sounds horrible.


speckled113

Reading through this thread and I just want to send you some love. My heart breaks for you and I know this must be excruciating. I don’t think I have anything else I can add that others haven’t, but I want to say that I am sending love to you and your family.


Porongas1993

Not trying to discredit your anger, as it is VERY justified and correct but if I may offer some comfort, when a person is low on oxygen, their cognitive processes are impaired drastically. Her only rambling about her business might just he a symptom of that. Best of luck OP. I hope she makes it through and she learns her lesson.


Cool_As_Your_Dad

My mom got covid too. She can't remember anything during that time (even when my dad died in hospital due to covid). All of the lack of oxygen. My dad got sick just before he could his jab, my mom had her jab for 3 days when she got sick.


kdoggie96

I currently work on what is considered the Covid unit at my hospital. While yes, escalation is never a great sign, we've had to put several people on high flow oxygen, a BIPAP, and Airvo (think a personal oxygen device that is programmed to humidify air and prep it for your lungs while delivering high volumes of oxygen, like, 50-60+ Liters of oxygen per minute for adults), and we've had a good chunk of our patients pull through fine. Ventilators are rough for patients though. When patients with Covid induced pneumonia are put on a ventilator it becomes more of a struggle because they are usually sedated when on the ventilator, and can't move around and break up some of that mucus in their lungs like they could on a BIPAP or Airvo.


I_pity_tha_fool

So bipap while bad is still a good case scenario? Because over the course of the night I’ve gone for anger to I’ll do anything to keep her here with me. This doesn’t seem real. What is the recovery time.


kdoggie96

It's almost always better than being on a ventilator. Still not great overall for the patient, but a lot better than having a tube shoved down your throat. Like was mentioned in another reply, once you go to a ventilator it's about 50/50. Both for Covid and non-covid patients. The sad reality of critical care in healthcare is that if you aren't doing well at maintaining your oxygen levels outside of being on a ventilator, chances of recovery aren't great. Not saying it's impossible to recover from being ventilated, but it's not like the movies. A BIPAP is just a machine, with a mask that the patient wears, that puts pressure on the air to force it into your lungs, then lowers the pressure to help with exhaling. A lot better than a tube down your throat.


I_pity_tha_fool

They said on the bipap her oxygen is maintaining in the 90’s. This is good?


kdoggie96

Yes. Ideal oxygen saturation for most individuals is 90+. The goal would then be to ensure that she maintains that level of oxygen, and then they would try to wean her down off oxygen following that.


I_pity_tha_fool

I know all people are different but about how long does that process take?


kdoggie96

It just kind of depends. They do it gradually to make sure that the patient is maintaining their normal oxygen levels at lower oxygen therapies. If they don't do well after being lowered down to a certain point, they raise them back up to the prior level or higher, whatever it takes to get them to maintain their oxygen saturations. I wish I could give you a definite answer but it really depends on the person. The main thing is to make sure their oxygen saturation a are good, because if those are low, and remain low, that can result in death.


Spiderman230

Maybe she doesn't wanna ask about the deeper stuff. Because then it makes the idea of dying all too real


I_pity_tha_fool

Yes. I realize now she’s was giving me tasks to keep me occupied with things other than the reality of her situation. With time comes clarity.


imtheroth

Every person who reads this just wants to put our arms around you and your kids, and tell you that we're sorry and that you're loved. I wish you the best of luck and all the strength in the world.


vailissia

I’m pregnant and got the Pfizer vaccine. Both of them in first trimester. I’m perfectly healthy and my son is developing as normal (even a week ahead). Maybe that could be a point to help convince her it’s safe? Sometimes people just need the personal testimonies. I hope she recovers, for your sake as well as your family’s. You seem like a genuinely good person (from what I’ve read) and I hurt that you’re hurting. I hope for the best for you.


I_pity_tha_fool

She will not have a choice when she gets well enough. If I have to jab her myself.


vailissia

I high key support this endeavour, however, I would check to make sure it’s legal first 😶


bangtan-bot

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I do want to give a little optimism though: my mom was admitted with Covid and her oxygen was 65 and she was turning blue, but she made it out. I hope that’s the same for you.


Rbkfr

I'm Reading this while outside the window i hear people manifesting against the "pass sanitaire" here in France. (Obligation to have a PCR, or be vaccinated to go in restaurants etc) I work at the health system, I call people who have covid everyday, it keeps going on. It feels like it will never end because of those stunborn people. It pisses me off too. I'm really sorry for you, but it seems everything is not lost ? I Hope she gets better and maybe even change her mind, who knows ? My Heart is with you and your family.


Mackan22

Madness its thanks to all these Childish people who ”Oh, I wont get vaccinated. I can just travel where ever I want to because thats my freedom” were seeing another Surge of this disgusting dangerous shit. So its your ”Freedom” to catch this disgusting shit and spread it to someone who doesnt want it. Is that ”Freedom”? Isnt it freedom to not get a risk of getting this shit?


I_pity_tha_fool

I understand your anger. I’m living it. Unfortunately that will not change anyone’s perspective and only emboldens their choices. Turn your passion into some advocacy for vaccines. Get your family and friends vaccinated. Don’t let this happen to them. Because watching from the sidelines is horrible and helpless.


I_pity_tha_fool

Okay. Last update unless this goes really south. Today is day 27 and she is getting released today. Still on oxygen, lost between 40-50 pounds, cannot walk, and we have tons of physical therapy/occupational therapy/respiratory therapy. I am super anxious about it in both positive and negative aspects. I am glad she's coming home, but I really worry that I'll so something that causes her to go back to the hospital or won't know to not do something and cause her o2 to drop too low.


SomeoneElsewhere

Geez. You are in a whirlwind of feels. She is not thinking straight. Hang in there. Eat, sleep, breathe. There is an "other side" to this, and you will get there. In the meantime, take care of you. My heart goes out to you.


FrozenOatmeal

praying for a full recovery with little to no long term complications. although, the vaccine most likely would’ve lowered her symptoms being this bad, it’s still her choice and she’ll just have to deal with the consequences.


G_10R

I hope she gets better and don’t take the comments seriously, low oxygen levels can impact a persons thinking and cognitive behaviour. Please update us when you can


JessBELLAog

I’m so sorry! I’m afraid of this. My husband and I just got in a screaming match yesterday over the vaccine. He doesn’t trust the government blah blah blah. We have two small children who can’t be vaccinated and he refuses along with my 16 year old son. They’ve swallowed every anti pill that was served to them and I’m terrified for my family. I’m the only one vaccinated.


charliepapa2

My heart goes out op. Can't imagine losing my wife. I'm so sorry.


Dee-Es

Thanks! Appreciate your response. Stay strong!


mthomas1217

Hey good vibes your way. I hope she gets to come home to you!!


gettinchickiewitit

I am so sorry for your family.


InTheDark57

I’m so sorry you are going through this . I can’t imagine what your going through. Sending you love and respect . I would be angry as hell if my husband behaved in that manner . It would make me change my will if he did! That doesn’t work for me


sleestacker

Wow. This is so sad to read. However, I want to send positive thoughts and hope. Try not to judge what she talks about but just be there for her unconditionally. Let her vent, be her rock that you have been. Let her know the business is ok and well taken care of. It's not over and the light can still come to her. Thank you for sharing your story to hopefully help other families avoid this same situation. Thinking of you and your family today. 🙏🏻


ChrisC1234

I'm sorry. I actually understand where you're at a little bit. My dad had covid back in March 2020. He's almost 70 and a smoker. It was the first time I was ever worried "oh crap, he might die". He pulled through just fine (never serious enough to even go to a hospital). But instead of getting a vaccine, he's got all sorts of asinine reasons about it not being tested or other BS, plus he's got the antibodies from when he had covid. Then he hears somewhere about the horse dewormer, so he starts taking that (he works in a feed and garden store, so he's got easy access to it). And wouldn't you know, he catches covid AGAIN. But this time, I'm just pissed at him because he's an idiot. And as much as I hate to say it, I really feel like "if he dies, oh well, it's his own damn fault".


Mazzatti1

I've been working as a contact tracer and while I empathize with your situation, as someone who had to watch their wife go off to the hospital myself last November, you are not alone. Every day I talk with people going through covid. Some having a hard time some not, but almost all when asked if you'd like assistance getting vaccinated say no (and this is upstate NY). I've talked with people who've gotten covid more than once now and every one says it's worse now than before. I hope she makes it through. Keep up your message. People need to wise up and get vaccinated for everyone's sake.


alexds1

Man. No judgement on your wife, I know she's suffering enough right now, but I feel your frustration. I've been wondering if those people who don't get vaxxed due to being afraid of the vaccine killing them are okay with dying faster and vaccinated of covid instead, it seems like such a worse way to die than [mysterious unverified vaccine death]. Anyways whats done is done, and I hope it works out for you and her.


Key-Computer4371

Im sorry. I know my words are just those of an internet stranger. But I hope the sympathies of a stranger brings some sort you some sort of relief


ClaraFrog

I am really sorry you are going through this. it is awful, and must be so hard. You say you've just found out your wife doesn't care about you....you also want her to admit his was preventable... to do so she would have to admit to herself that she might have hurt you all very deeply. She is probably horrified at the thought, and the idea of acknowledging something like that out loud, (especially if she feels it is true), would be extremely hard to bear. Maybe she is focusing on the business to avoid breaking down, and because her care taker, which in this case is you, (for right or for wrong), is blaming her for her own illness. She is probably terrified and probably feels at fault. She needs support from you and the rest of her family. This is akin to rubbing a puppy's nose in it's poop, but in this case in it's death poop. I know you don't deserve this, and it must be horrible-- I'm saying this as directly and as clearly as I can so that you don't look back once things have calmed down and regret your last few hours or days with your wife. God bless you.


its_me_cindy

My mom is doing the same thing and I just can’t understand it. She almost died of Covid in December and won’t get vaccinated now. It was traumatizing for us and I don’t think she would make it through if she catches it again. We are a big family and almost everyone is vaccinated. My dad died last year and I will say my mom mostly worked and focused on their business through his decline. It appeared to be a massive denial system in play. That may apply to your wife I can certainly understand your anger and frustration and I’m glad you were able to express it here. Sending love and support, and much hope that your wife gets through this.


santosj22

I’m not a man of faith but I’m hoping she makes it through this. Best wishes to you and your family. I saw your comments of her being alone. And speaking from very recent experience it can be a killer. I know her conditions pretty bad but if she’s at all capable to use electronics or has any way to communicate or video call with family please take full advantage of it. Seeing familiar faces and knowing you’re not alone in a very isolated situation is a good way to lift her spirits and let’s her know that even though you can’t be there in person you’re there for her and that everyone’s waiting on her to come up.


I_pity_tha_fool

She FaceTimed my daughter but wouldn’t accept my call. She didn’t want me to see her that way. I think she thinks she’s not going to make it and wants me to remember her differently. I’m going to change her mind and she’s going to make it. I need her. Our kids need her. My grandkids need her. Even her business needs her and I will do whatever I can to make sure she gets back to us.


santosj22

I completely understand that and agree with your decision to force the interaction. In the last year My mother did a 7 month stay at a few hospitals here and the first 3 were the worst. It wasn’t Covid related but was mid pandemic so no visitors because of that and she was and is still immunocompromised. And those first 3 months we didn’t know if she was going to make it. She was depressed everyday and would only talk to her sisters over video chat. refused to video call me and my brother because she didn’t want us to see her like that. Month 4 hospital rules kinda of let up and we were aloud to visit but had to be in full ppe. I was there for a week straight from the beginning of visitor hours to the very last second when the nurses kicked us out. the nurses said once she was able to have visitors and had people there she was showing signs of improvement. Little signs and not much improvement but it helped. I hope I’m not putting a damper on your mood or anything of the sorts. But I just want you to know from first hand experience, it helps and I think it would do wonders for your wife. Call her, spam her phone if you have to. Tell her you love her. Again sorry if this isn’t helpful or is a downer in anyway I didn’t mean for it to come off that way I’m just not good with words.


posh_wank

She is delirious and thats why talking about business. I know what you are going through but I wouldnt take someone too seriously when they are suffering from such a severe hypoxia due to Covid. Hope you get the strength you need brother


WhoNeedsASpanking

My dad's oxygen dipped to 29 and he still survived and he was also convinced he was in a spa in Greece. Just be with her through it.


HKP2694

I hope she recovers soon. Nobody should have to see their loved ones in this position. My best friend lost his father to COVID, and he was vaccinated too. He had asthma and diabetes so that made it very risky for him.


I_pity_tha_fool

So anyone that’s been in this situation. What’s the best things for me to say to her? Like I keep telling her I can’t wait for her to be here with me. Is that the right thing to say? It’s hard. I know she’s alone but I don’t want my texts to make her feel more alone. I don’t want to destroy her hope. I want to foster it. Fuck. If you could point me to the right community to even ask I would appreciate it.


gt75z

That's a sad story based on a political statement for a medical issue. I am sorry.


I_pity_tha_fool

Yeah. If we can make a time machine can we make sure the assholes that made this shot a political statement go experience the Black Plague


vailissia

Or Spanish influenza. That would be closer to Covid.


Mmaibl1

Not siding with your wife or justifying her actions. But I suspect she is probably scared, and focusing on the business (a problem) gives her something concrete to focus on to help subside that fear. Asking about you, or the family would open up the convo to more stressful topics, which im sure she feels like she cant handle right now.


Jolly_Willow_2728

Was she being wantonly careless if I may ask? I’m sorry if it’s insensitive


harlequinns

I am so sorry. I'm not a religious person, but I do want you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts tonight and I am sincerely wishing the best outcome for you.


sleepinginthedaylite

Hey you. I’m really sorry about what you’re going through. It’s an awful place to be and it’s very unfair. I bet if she knew what would of came of this she would of done something different. Sometimes we have to think about people intentions. I agree with another comment on here that in the state she is in she is not herself. I am glad you are not sick. In your heart you know how Much she loves you all. Maybe she isn’t accepting it and is scared. I wish I could hug you and I will pray for your family. You are strong enough to make it through your journey. Things may be okay. I wish I could help. So much love to you friend.


drewzer26

What’s a mimi?


BellatrixLove

Grandmother


Lux_Aeternaaa

I am sorry you are going through his but not blame her. I used to work for a rehabilitation home and a vaccinated person began the spread of the new variant amongst out FULLY vaccinated patients. Plenty of people who were vaccinated have ended up in hospitals as well as contracted the variant. At this point , it's a 50/50 chance.


anonymousredittuser

I'm not very religious, but I'll pray for you and your wife. This would be my absolute worst fear come true, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I really hope that she is able to pull through and recover, please try not to be too angry at her for seeming self centered. She could just be in denial that you were right and she could possibly die, and she wants something else to focus on... That's if she's even aware enough to understand that, with how low her oxygen is she most likely has significant cognitive impairment. Try to remember all of the amazing memories you have with her, and pray for the best. She loves you.


michaelcmoreno

My mom went even lower, the doctors told us she would not live. She’s a nurse and was vaccinated. She is alive and well now. Her survival was truly a gift from god. I hope you get as lucky as her


omgwtfbbq_powerade

My MIL straight up refuses the vaccine. She was at a public event last weekend and I'm certain she spread the variant around. My SO is stressed and sad. I'm sorry this is so stressful.


CoffeeGood_

I am so sorry for this! Please understand like so many said a lot of what is going on with her is lack of oxygen. All you can do is be there for your grandkids and kids. As much as you can. I am so sorry and I do wish you the best in this hard time.


Alternative_Tear9543

Dude. She’s asking about her business because she is in denial and probably isn’t remotely considering the possibility of dying. I’d be worried about clients too until I realized the severity.


[deleted]

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