T O P

My question is, did they use toilet paper or their hands?

My question is, did they use toilet paper or their hands?

ddt70

I bet the fat bastard laid some pretty big turds too....


Brother_-_John

In his defense, he didn’t really become a fat bastard until well into his 40s, after having sent two of his wives to the block, and then as a result of jousting injuries and such taking their toll. In his youth, he was known as handsome, athletic, and vigorous.


brutalistsnowflake

True. His entire personality changed after a head injury from a jousting accident. He became a paranoid tyrant. That's also when he started gaining weight.


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Brother_-_John

TDS has left you unable to think clearly. Why would the fact that he had several people executed for largely personal reasons have anything to do with the fact that he was a handsome and popular young king?


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noO_Oon

All those comments about it being "gross" and that they should earn a lot of money. Tell me: how much do caretakers and nurses get? I think we can all agree, not enough :)


ShortFatFannie

Nurses make enough and aren't generally wiping asses. You're thinking of CNAs.


redbucket75

Damp cloth, presumably.


TheZsSilent

Sponge and vinegar


redbucket75

Like, legit sea sponge? How decadent.


throwaway4swimmer

It is my 21st birthday. Do you think perhaps I might use the bathroom by myself just once? Most amusing, sir. WIPERS!! *clap, clap*


enoxzen

That was in fact a very influential job, as you got to spend a lot of personal time with the king. Perfect for lobbying..


babel345

I bet they got paid WELL


Leon00_7

Shitload of money


babel345

Bahhah hell yeah that's right!


BlessedAreTheBigNose

They weren't doing it for the money


SPUN-uva-bitch

I always felt bad for the dudes in club bathrooms selling gum & cheap cologne. Shit. Literally, Shit. Those guys just seen lazy now!


OSRSAverage

Knights of the hard stool.


Subtlerevisions

That straight sounds like something from Monty Python. Look at his face too! He’s like yeaaaa, clean my ass. Powder muh ballz while you’re down there.


damnchomskyhonk

neither nfl or a vid


SPUN-uva-bitch

That's some shit.


Stairwayunicorn

torches


SPUN-uva-bitch

GROomS of Stool - GROSS


Crowley357

Tongue wipping


SPUN-uva-bitch

I bet those guys would watch him tearing up a meal, thinking: "...you fat son of a bitch, aren't you done yet?!"


ddt70

I know, right? "Noooooooo, not the fucking curry!"


SPUN-uva-bitch

HA! "Look at this fucking guy....he's having MORE ribs?! Hey, we get it, you're the king. No one's taking your ribs. They'll still be here later."


ddt70

I'll have the pigeon inside the duck inside the chicken inside the goose inside the swan.......and my wife will have the green salad.


SPUN-uva-bitch

'Very good sir. '(Wish I cleaning your wife's ass... )


aeonymouse

what happened to the first 3? (was an ass wiper at risk of pissing off the king and ending up on the block?)


Dan_Is

You wipe a smidge too enthusiastically or a little bit lackluster and it's sitting in the hole for you.


ddt70

I love that you used the word lacklustre......it implies that they didnt wipe his arse well enough to leave a pristine shiny lustrous ring piece behind.


Dan_Is

The only way for a royal bum to look


TheMadGreek86

What were you knighted for?...Wiping the big man's ass....


Born_Butterfly_6180

I believe they used like rags on sticks or something of the sort


loky1908

On that had something called the royal butt cleanr and use a scoop


Must_B_a_texas_thing

The original paper hands 🙌


Turbulent-Re

So there is at least one person who travels with him whenever he travels! 😂


BesticleBear

They also would wipe with silk causing servants to steal the soiled wipes to take home and wash. Got so bad most were making more from the reselling of soiled silk then they were the shit wiping job.


ellilaamamaalille

The answer my friend is yes.


ddt70

People still perform this royal function today.....metaphorically speaking.....people like Royal correspondent Jenny Bond and any other fawning toads. Ironically the UK's white trailer trash population tend to be fanatic royalists.....


InternationalLemon26

Makes that MBE Dave Cameron gave to his wife's hairdresser look much better.


Brother_-_John

These people today are called “Republicans.“ **EDIT** So who exactly is voting me down here, Democrats who didn’t get the joke, or people who vote Republican as I do but who didn’t get the joke?


Accomplished_Deer_10

Somebody always has to take it to politics 😂 homie I swear to God your life will get infinitely better if you learn to enjoy life without obsessing over politics you have no real ability to do anything substantial about


Brother_-_John

Yeah, but you have to have a sense of humor about these things, and that’s my party I’m talking about…🤷‍♂️


thespacesbetweenme

Amazing!!


Nofuckenwaydude

They’re the ones that wear the red crowns that say **M**ake **A**ssholes **G**reat **A**gain!


Alexius6th

This is hacky and embarrassing. Don’t be this kind of insufferable person.


Brother_-_John

Actually, they’re the ones that occupy elective office in Washington.