By - amonaloli12
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
Would love to see this posted in r/changemyview
This is a bullshit copypasta that's been doing the rounds for too long. Here's the counterpoint:
That breakdown is pretty dumb, honestly.
Ya I was really only convinced by like 1/3 of their rebuttals
I particularly like the "well, so many animals rape" rebuttal.
Or the: if you give a person a random piece of meat they won’t eat it
Like what the fuck is that supposed to mean, do koalas fucking cook their leaves for more nutritional value and to get rid of illness and parasites?
But a lot of animals do rape, and it’s pretty stupid to impose human morals on animals, especially animals with the intelligence of koalas.
Where are the SJWs fighting for koala rights , we need action now !
Which points did you object to? Seems like a pretty thorough rebuttal to a stupid copypasta. Animals have no imperative to be intelligent, eucalyptus exists and the koala evolved to eat it. Why would that be a reason to hate them?
There's no valid reason given for any of it. Maybe a slight perspective difference, but nothing that reaches out and says "these animals aren't useless and actually play a critical role in their ecosystem."
For example, the rebuttal of the crash helmet/brain fluid statement was "yes, exactly." Ooh, staggering counterpoint. Obviously cut the argument to it's quick.
After reading the counterpoint, I'm reasonably convinced that if koalas went extinct the only thing that would happen is Australia would lose some tourist revenue. That's it.
They eat eucalyptus. Eucalyptus is ubiquitous in Australia. Seems pretty reasonable that their extinction would affect the ecosystem. And hating a tree dwelling animal for having adaptations to account for falling out of trees is nonsensical. Hating an animal for any of the ways it has evolved is nonsensical. What weird toxic mindset to have where every species in existence somehow has to earn its right to exist in your eyes. Just observe and enjoy nature for what it is
I never said I hate them. I simply stated that the attempt to bring up counterarguments was ineffective, especially when half of the "arguments" were "yes, exactly like that."
They make a few good points, but mostly it reads like conjecture and assumption. “Isn’t it good a niche is being filled?” “Humans *probably* do this”. And the part about a person not recognizing meat as food is nonsensical. Almost every human alive would recognize it as something that could potentially be eaten.
I have no problem with koalas but their counter argument is weak.
Koalas suck that is an undisputable fact
I’m late but the rebuttal to this always gives me a good laugh. Don’t get me wrong it’s well made and ends up giving a more accurate summary of what they’re actually like, (if not a bit biased and trying extra hard to be on the side of koalas) but despite all that it still leaves me thinking, “yeah, koalas are definitely one of the most pathetic animals on earth. The ‘rebuttal’ totally confirms that”.
Someone doesn’t like Koalas lol
Yesss get them!
The koala's are like little babies fighting each other. In a way it's sad and cute.
We're not all that bad
Your profile picture is literally a lion making out with a monkey. I’m not gonna judge or make assumptions one way or another. Just thought I’d point it out.
Anyways, I appreciate your enthusiasm and hatred for koala’s, lion monkey fucker? Good day.
You too stay pimpin’ 😎
It’s not like it’s their fault they have smooth brains and are like that, you hate them for no reason
I don’t hate them, nature does
Did you not read what you wrote yourself?
It’s a copypasta brother
Got me there
Dude, you okay? A koala kill your parents or something?
Always hated these shitters on instinct, now I know why I did.
Reading this while watching two Koalas fight to death was a trip
I was about to paste this too
Leave them alone you psychopath
Sure, but do you like them or not?
Yeah they’re pretty cute ig
I saw this same comment on another post very recently. The one where someone opened up a wallaby’s? pouch to peek at her baby. Soon as I saw those two koalas fighting, it reminded me of this. Open up the comments and straight C&P.
Panda are no exception too. They too suck at surviving but we are just keeping them alive because they are cute.
This rant only comes second to Sam O’Nella ranting about [dog breed deformities](https://youtu.be/BQTwvbWAx8A)
I'm just gonna jump in and point out thing that this copypasta gets wrong: tooth wear is nearly universal among herbivorous mammals and affects pretty much all of them, and not just koalas. When an elephant's teeth wear down, for example, they can't eat anymore and they die - this is why old elephants are usually found at watering holes, because the plants there are much softer and easier to chew. They aren't in the same infraclass of mammal as the koala, but they die from the exact same causes.
Holy shit, you’re not lying about the screech of satan. Just watched a yt vid on it and damn.
They deserve to go extinct. The only reason why they are not extinct is because ppl think they are cute!
How does a species “deserve” to go extinct?
If the species we are trying to save does not have the will to live and pass on its genes, their time is already up and we should let them go extinct. This applies not only to Koalas, but to Pandas as well. The ONLY reason they are not extinct is because people think they are cute. If they were hideous, we would have let them gone extinct a long time ago. This somewhat applies to the majority of breeds of dogs that went to years of horrible inbreeding. Its not that they don't have the will to live, because they do. Its the fact that their EXISTENCE is PAINFUL. Any breed of dog that has snouts so short that their face looks smashed in have hard difficulty in doing the most basic thing to stay alive which is BREATHING. And its our fault that they exist. We should put more of our resources to tigers and rhinos which actually have the will to LIVE. If we put even remotely HALF of our resources to tigers and rhinos, their numbers would have increased drastically. But no, we have to save the "cute animals" that don't have the will to survive. Pandas only mate 2 days of the WHOLE YEAR and the female will most likely have 2 cubs. Most of the time, she will OUTRIGHT REJECT the other cub to let it starve to death. If that is not bad enough, even is she had only one, the possibility of her just sitting and crushing the cub to death is HIGH. Half of newborn pandas either die by disease or accidentally being crushed by their mothers.
Extinction has nothing to do with having “ the will to live” (whatever tf that means). It is a natural process that happens to vast majority of species given enough time. A species going extinct is not indicative of some moral failing, and it is impossible for any species to “deserve” to go extinct. It’s just a natural process that occurs, and whether humans should interfere with that natural process is a completely different argument, though it’s worth noting that in many cases we are directly responsible for species being endangered. Its also not true that conservationists are only trying to save cute animals, nor is it true that they’re only trying to save koalas because they’re cute. Plenty of less photogenic animals are also being prevented from going extinct by humans for a variety of reasons, it’s just that the general public doesn’t give a shit. And again, hating any animal for the way it evolved is beyond stupid.
I never said conservationists only wanted to save cute animals. The general public is at fault for wanting to save animals that can't save themselves in the first place. The will to live is the desire to reproduce and make a better generation of animals that can adapt better to changes within their environment. Rhinos and tigers fit a better niche in their respective ecosystems than Koalas and Pandas will ever be.
Just because they don’t breed well in captivity, doesn’t mean they lack the will to live. Every living thing wants to live. And I’m not sure why you think rhinos and tiger are better adapted to their niches, fitness is not determined by an animal’s ability to reproduce in captivity. Pandas in nature breed just fine. If you don’t care about koalas, then you shouldn’t care about rhinos and tiger either.
They just gonna hug it out anyways
"hug it out bitch"
...and wash my laundry for a year
A real fight between two koalas was filmed on the Australian island of Kangaroo! This is quite unusual: according to local park workers, they have not yet observed such behavior Koalas, which everyone considers cute animals, fight furiously and scream loudly.
With sound : https://gfycat.com/malebrokenfunnelweaverspider
Lmao... "the Australian island of Kangaroo!"
I'm chortling in Strayan rn ;)
Are you saying them fighting is unusual? It definitely isn't. Used to hear them fight every night where I grew up. Would find fur tufts in the morning. It's very well documented. Not sure if I just misunderstood your comment or not
Aggressively giving each other chlamydia in the face since forever
Maybe they need masks
Look at those angry little ones go!
Solid ground and pound
They're just rolling on the mat. Light BJJ sparring right there
Damn, these are a lot more aggressive than my stuffed koala bear I had as a kid
Looks like two drunk dudes at a bar.
It is a brutal fight to death
That's me and my bro fighting
They must be fighting about who’s cutest.
Look's like two toddlers when they wrestle lol
HAHAHAHA!!!! NAUGHTY 😂😂
Very naughty 🤣
These are Drop Bears. The far more aggressive cousin of the regular, cute, adorable Koala Bears.
Jiu jitsu right here
Good job by the koala on the bottom to replace back to guard. Koala Jiu Jitsu or KJJ
Guess the U in UFC is for eucalyptus
The bear hug countered the bear hug from the mini bear
Koalas look cute but are super stupid and disease riddled
You sure they're fighting? Looks like some hanky panky to me, at least that's what it looks like in my house.
We need sound
Where’s my rent money!?! Give me my *FUCKING* rent money, motherfucker!
That's how koalas sound??? :0
Why is all the audio blocked on the videos in here?!
I don't know about you, but my money's on the koala to win.
Definitely went for the side mount
I wish this video had sound
Wait...they aren't chill 100% of the time?
I feel betrayed.
I hate to break it to you... but Koalas are fucking insane. Dumb as rocks, but actually get stressed super easily and then lash out very aggressively. Females moreso than males.
Also Kiwi birds... they are super territorial cunts that will try to kick you to death (the reason they are close to extinct is because they try to square up to cats and ferrets and get bodied, because they are fucking useless)
Why do koalas fighting sound like me imitating koalas fighting?
I want this video to have sound. Why no sound?
too bad there’s no sound, these fuckers are hilarious to listen to.
Beat his fluffy ass!
Koalas are mean as shit. With hippos, donkeys, kangaroos, and mantis shrimp.
Like how a bear world do it
They from the hood
This looks like Frodo and Gollum before the ring is thrown in.
The one on top is Khabib 🐐
Snake in the koalas shadow
Soooo. These things can actually move. Now i have seen everything
We need audio, these things make horrifying noises
Keep these teddy bears away from any child. Trust me on this one.
Smeagol kills Deagol reenactment
That's actually a pair of Drop bears
This is Not metal but yeah .
Only thing missing is someone yelling "WORLDSTAR!!"
The new Fight Club movie looks intense.
Guess the losing one didn’t have the right koala-fications……
Drop bears bewareeee
Khabib vs Connor
They fight like little monkeys and scream like little monkeys, too.
This is where baby koalas come from.
That bottom one had a solid ground defense tho
It's like two retards fighting, where's the wrangler?
Sooo *these* are drop bears