Yep. Yep. Yep.
By - SpaceMyopia
Like clockwork, they never miss do they~
“What are you talking about? I barely raised my voice. You’re so sensitive! I can’t say anything around here without being the bad guy.”
Then they wonder why we shut them out as soon as possible.
My mom told me I should go to therapy for whatever problems I think I have. I do plan on going to therapy but not for problems I think I have - I’m going for the problems I know I have because she was abusive my whole childhood and even to this day. She might not physically hit me anymore but she’s still awful and needs some anger management classes.
One time I wore makeup to go shopping with my family (baby blue eyeliner it was 2006). My mom had seen it and freaked out, screaming I looked like a whore etc. She stormed into the shop at the train station and made the worker there wet hard kitchen roll paper, so that I would have to rub it off there and then. She also told me that the train station worker said I was a mess and that when she sees me everyday (I took the train to school) she thinks I’m a mess and ugly and she can’t believe I’m left out the house like that.
It wasn’t until I was into my 20s I realised that the shop worker never said that, of course she never said that. I was a teenage girl going to school, she didn’t care. But I believed it. It stopped me from going into the station, made me look at the woman differently for the rest of my time at school, I hated her because she validated my moms feelings but ... she didn’t.
I brought this up to my mom and she said she can’t remember doing that, she laughed, and said she couldn’t have. When I pressed and said but you did, and that stopped me from physically entering a shop and holding a grudge against the shop worker for years she replied “oh well I must have” and then when I explained how much that fucked me up and gave me horrendous anxiety she would start to cry and sarcastically say “oh I’m sorry I’m such an AWFUL mother and you’ve had such an AWFUL life”
The cycle continues
My mom also called me a whore when I was experimenting makeup in high school. It’s also traumatized me as well. Sorry your mom is psycho.
That's horrible, these n mom's are horrible.
omg these are facts
my mom's favorite line to use in these situations ' I'm growing old so I can't remember these things and why are you only remembering all the negative things'.
It’s so sad these people don’t remember hurting. Like I couldn’t hurt a fly without remorse and they can tell and beat and not even apologize. Deny it ever happening..
Oh I think they remember and they lie.
This happened on the 4th of July. I literally asked for one thing and she went ballistic on me. Then the next day acted like nothing happened.
All. The. Time. Where did they get the mentality that they never do any wrongs yet are always a victim?
Yes. This. Or screaming in my face and then complaining complaining I'm in a mood ?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?! One time I asked her "you just screamed at me, do you want me to jump for joy?" She said "yeah, cheer up"
My Nmom was the same way. Except she said "your reality is warped." Well I heard that so much that by the age of 18 I asked my best friend to commit me to an actual mental hospital because if my reality is genuinely that warped then I should probably be removed from society forever, it would be best for everyone. He absolutely refused to take me and assured me I wasn't crazy. He then coincidentally the same day witnessed one of me and my mom's many fights - what set it off, how we handled it, and how it ended. He said again that I'm not crazy and that I remember things accurately, but that I do egg her on. Heck yes I do, I hate her. He also said my mom was probably Borderline (he was one of those people that just because he had 2 weeks of psych 101 he thought he was super knowledgeable), so I did my own research over the years and landed on narcissism mainly due to the utter incapacity for empathy, the consistent gaslighting, and just the horrible things she has said to me since I was a toddler. I still struggle with my emotions. If I get a negative emotion (like irritated at the husband) then I constantly wonder if my feelings are justified, then I get panic attacks wondering if I really am warped. It's so unhealthy but I hold mostly everything in because my Nmom conditioned me to believe I'm crazy, and I've been medically evaluated saying I'm not, but I'm so afraid of sounding that way.
>Nmom conditioned me to believe I'm crazy, and I've been medically evaluated saying I'm not, but I'm so afraid of sounding that way.
You're definitely not that way. Its all the game they play, but I'm sure you know. You're not. Tell your self that over and over if you have to. You can re-program your brain.
They act like nothing happened. They act just so fucking normal. And it doesn’t have to be the day after, they can be normal as fuck a few seconds, minutes later. It has happened to me. For real, just seconds. And I said: “wow, that mood changed really fast. Are you dead serious?”
And he said: “OKAY, ILL BE THE MOTHERFUCKER YOU ALWAYS WANTED ME TO BE”.
I was like WTF with this guy, I replied: “what else I would ever want.”
Like meaning, I wish you were a father. But no, he will never be.
Really fucked up mf
I'm going to say that to mine next time
This speaks to my soul
"Stop remembering things that didn't happen!"
DAMN. I relate so much. Just this last Sunday morning my family screamed at me for coming home late last night, said some ugly shit and then proceeded to act like nothing happened 2 hours later.
Yep.. they never will admit there crimes even under there dying breath. They go as far as lying about there health... make themself sick on purpose go guilt others... don't believe anything they say even if it the truth because there always a lie somewhere and evil intentions.
Bahah definitely describes my nmom, what a crazy piece of shit
Same. Now she's old and sad that I won't speak to her. Meh.
Mine too. Cries to my sisters that she is going to die alone because we refuse be “forgiving” to her.
That’s my ndad!
“Tell me: what did I do to deserve this? Not even my own mother will talk to me!”
Gee, idk. Mentally and verbally traumatizing me throughout my childhood to the point where I still get nauseous and anxious by just hearing people talk about you might’ve done it. But yeah, I’m a horrible daughter 🙄
I tried to bring up one incident the last time I was at their place many years ago. She said "You're still mad about that?! Get over it!" As she walked out of the room to avoid accountability. That told me everything I needed to know, and this was before I realized it was abuse and it was so much worse than that one incident.
I do have a fantasy of getting back in contact, but calling her "abuser" all the time and always bringing up the abuse over and over and over again. But that seems a bit too sadistic, or does it... Make her so uncomfortable she stops trying to contact me ever again. (I'm no contact, but they still try at least once a year, the freaks.) Like you don't deserve my presence. I don't want them to know anything about me that they could use for supply. They say hollow things like "We're proud of you." and "We love you." But they don't even know me, so it all seems like love bombing bullshit, it can't be trusted. I don't want them to be proud of me because I don't value or respect them at all. Proud of what? That I survived despite the constant abuse? Fuck right off. I want her dead, that would be a joyous day. I hate her and I am embarrassed and ashamed to even say I'm related to her. Ugh, to share DNA with a weak abuser that used her kid for emotional support. She disgusts me. I hold her in contempt.
mine pulls that bullshit too. Or tries to rewrite history altogether and say my memory of events is wrong.
I love your fantasy. Forgiveness is overrated for repeat offenders. I do not give a shit about hurting my nmom’s feelings. I used to feel such guilt and now I love it. She’s a monster and anything I can dish out pales in comparison to what she put me through. My parents are only ever proud of me when an outside person says “wow you must be so proud of your kids!” Then suddenly they are proud because they are getting attention for my accomplishments.
I’m in vlc with my nmom and edad for the first time in over six months just for my grandma’s funeral and they are putting so much pressure on me to pretend we are a happy family for appearances and I refuse to engage. I’m ashamed of them and they deserve to have people know they were abusive parents. The worst part is they act confused about why I despise them and won’t speak to them.
This sub has helped me so much with not feeling alone in my warranted parent-hatred.
We are in the same boat, friend. My empathy tap is turned off when it comes to my spawn point, I got nothing left for her, she used it all up. I'm glad to know we have each other, even online. The validation we get from each other is so much more than what we endured.
Reading other people's accounts keeps me sane. I thought: how can I even go do what I want to do when I can't even make things work with my spawn point? Now I realize it was never going to work with her. I'm already valid. I'm still working on getting up the gumption to change tact and start doing things for me. I know there will always be criticism and judgement from others. I am working on getting to the place where this won't effect me so I can put myself out there a bit.
I'm already an outcast. Might as well try to do what I want regardless of how people feel about it.
For me, learning to live for myself instead of for everyone else is still the hardest part. Being raised to be relentlessly accommodating for other people is a hard habit to ditch. Thank fuck for my therapy and anti-depressants.
I feel you. Building that self confidence up is rough when you’ve been treated like/told you are garbage your whole life.
ah yes, the 'get over it' bit or 'i didn't mean it like that' same old things to avoid accountability for their actions.
Jekyl/Hyde. Over it. Vampiric demons
I always thought I should punch them in the face a few times and then say "What, I never hit you, I would never do that!"
Sounds like mine. I still got her something though.