By - AutoModerator
I had back surgery on Saturday, it was horrendous and when I woke up I could hardly see straight I was in so much pain. I had gone through two trials to see if this procedure would work, and I was told I'd be sore after but I was really not prepared for how hard it's been. The outside of my hip feels numb and itchy now and I’m struggling so much to feel comfortable.
My husband is doing the best he can to help, but I am so not myself lately and full of rage and anger and pain. My doctor is insisting I take the week off work because I am not steady enough to do stairs or get on and off public transport by myself but I am getting cabin fever. We have a teeny tiny one bedroom with a living room / kitchen area. I can't be left alone for too long due to safety reasons but I'm like so agitated and miserable I keep snapping at him and then feeling bad. I know he's stressed too and we're both doing our best!! its just been hard. I am keeping my hands / mind busy with puzzles, coloring books, and some journals.
I have to go back to the doctors tomorrow because the pain has not lightened up even a little, and they can do something for me in office to make it a bit more tolerable.
Hey no one tells you this before surgery, but anesthesia can REALLY mess you up emotionally for a few days afterwards. They say women tend to experience depression/despair while men tend to experience rage and anger, but that's probably a lot due to social conditioning in how we express emotions. I've always had a mix of both after surgery. I'm sure the pain itself isn't helping at all, but you're probably on the tail end of the drugs working their way out of your system, so it might get better soon!!
This comment is really insightful thank you I literally had no idea how much anesthesia could fuck with your mood so I looked it up after reading your comment and omg it’s apparently very common!!
I second this! I had abdominal surgery to repair my stomach muscles after my 2 pregnancies and I had a huge breakdown 3 days post surgery regretting it. I was in so much pain and could barely move without being in agony due to needing your core for pretty much everything. I was angry at myself for electing to do the surgery, filled with regret. But every day I had improvement and finally was out of the depression when I had more mobility back and the anesthesia had left my system. It will get better! Hang in there!
Omg yes that’s exactly how I’m feeling now- like anger at myself because I thought this would help!! And it’s a frustrating up and down process and I’m trying to remember like it won’t be this bad forever
Pain really brings out our demons. Hope you get relief soon.
Thank you ❤️
Hugs to you. I had back surgery in 2015. Still one of the hardest experiences of my life.
It’s horrible! I hope your doing okay now ❤️
Speaking from my own experience with major surgery, I think you're right on track emotionally. It's not only a huge upheaval so it's normal to cause a big emotional reaction, but a little known but *very* prominent side effect of anaesthesia is being very emotionally volatile in all kinds of ways after surgery (on top of the stress from the physical pain). Not to mention similar effects from heavy duty painkillers. This is totally normal and it *will* go away eventually.
Also, speaking from experience, the pain is unbearable until it's just not anymore. And it happens quicker than you think.
Hope you’re feeling better SOON! That sounds awful. Our backs are SO crucial in every single move we make, I cannot imagine how awful what you’re going through is. I sprained my back when I was in junior high school and literally couldn’t roll myself over in bed or do anything, really. Needed help with *everything*, it was unlike any injury I’ve ever had.
Sending positive vibes and good wishes your way. 💕
Thank you 💕😭😭
Back surgery is intense. Definitely follow your doctor's recommendation on how much time to take off, double it if possible. You definitely don't want to have to redo the surgery because you tried to "recover" to quickly. I know you're getting cabin fever...and that's incredibly nasty. But don't push your recovery too fast!
I was stuck in an elevator alone with the CEO of my company…..and I was a bumbling idiot who couldn’t form a coherent thought because I’m still trying to wake up in my mind and the morning tea hasn't kicked in yet……I think I can kiss whatever career I had here at my company goodbye.
I need a sit down lesson on how to talk to a CEO, please.
lol if it makes you feel any better, when I had a one-on-one with the CEO of my previous employer (I quit, they didn't fire me bcuz of this meeting lol) I referred to them in the third person while speaking to them
don't necessarily take advice from me because who am I??, but I always say it's best to treat them like a regular person. Obviously don't be super casual, but at the end of the day they're just a human being like everyone else and they'll probably find you more memorable, or even refreshing!, if you just act normal towards them.
So here's how my convo went this morning.
* \*CEO walks into elevator\*
* \*i contemplate pressing his floor for him but decide not to cause i didn't want to assume, like what if he has a meeting on the top floor first thing in the morning?\*
* \*CEO awkwardly presses his floor on the elevator\*
* Me: "Oh I'm sorry! I didn't want to assume."
* CEO: "It's fine! I see you're working on 21. What group are you in?"
* Me: "Oh, I work for \[insert boss's name here\] group."
* CEO: "Oh yeah, you work in \[insert team name here\]. How long have you been working here?"
* Me: "It would be a little over 4 years now last month."
* CEO: "Oh yeah, you're right about at the median. Most people at the company stick around for 4-5 years."
* \*here is me perpetuate awkward silence for a few seconds because wtf am i supposed to say to that?\*
* Me, in a bumbling mess: "Oh yeah, I think \[insert coworker's name here\] has been working here for 6 years now? And \[insert boss's name here\] has been here for even longer. We've been here a while."
* \*CEO is awkwardly trying to get out the elevator cause he's on his floor and clearly couldn't care less about how long my team and i have been working here.\*
* CEO: "Bye \[insert my name here\]!"
* \*queue me dying on the inside\*
I cannot describe how useless and awkward I was in that 20 second elevator ride. It was truly cringe worthy lol. I will definitely try my best not to get so worked up next time cause I was definitely VERY aware of who I was talking to if that makes sense.
No, don't worry, I completely empathize with this experience lol I've always worked in small-ish companies (100-200 employees) so by nature, have interacted with the founder/CEO/CFO/C-suite more than I would have liked lol.
Keep in mind - CEOs can be just as awkward as anyone else, sometimes even more so. They also have so many things going on that they're likely never going to say, "oh yeah, I met that person in \[example\]'s group, they're awkward as hell, can we fire them?"
It honestly sounds like it was fine! I would just say at the beginning, when someone else gets on, you can always just ask, "Which floor?" if you're already standing near the buttons lol so no need to assume anything! Although I recognize that you might freeze/get anxious when someone high profile comes on. Would def happen to me, esp if the morning caffeine hasn't hit yet
His comment about how long people stay the company is def a weird one because he's sort of insinuating, "Are you going to quit soon?" lol again, CEOs are also awkward as hell. I would comment something positive about your work experience there so far or what you're looking forward to re: future projects, etc. "I've been here almost 4 years, you know, there's always something new to work on and so-and-so is a great team leader"
Also, it's always good to take control of the interaction as much as you can, so you can end it on your own terms. Most people don't want to do that, so if you take control, you're already at an advantage in almost any social situation lol
I shall end this novel by sharing another CEO experience I had, in a different job, where the CEO was showing me the art in his office and said "are you surprised I have an art dealer?" and I thought to myself "what a fucking weirdo" and also, yeah, because this art is terrible 💀 I think in reality, I just smiled and nodded
I changed careers a few months ago. I had been working fully remote and needed to go to the main office to drop off my laptop on my last day. Dropped off my stuff, everything went smoothly, didn’t have to talk to anyone. Then, as I step in the elevator to leave, one of the executives who is super close with the CEO jumps on.
He asked me what team I was on and how I liked working here, and I just completely froze and blurted out “I’m quitting”💀 He was definitely startled and it was just an incredibly uncomfortable experience lol.
Okay I am so sorry, but I busted out laughing reading this. You made me feel a lot better about my little experience this morning lol.
But I hope you're happy in your new career! I've personally been wanting to jump ship and find a new career for a while, but I'm just scared to haha. Wishing you all the best! <3
Haha I’m glad it made you laugh! At the time I just wanted to die, but now it’s pretty funny to me.
And I have been happy with my career change! Still not totally sure what I want to do with my life, but the new job is much less stressful, so I can’t complain :)
Oh no! I'm sure it'll be fine but that's an uncomfortable situation!
I had a back spasm last year and had to do stretches / yoga every couple of hours at work or my back would seize up - I work in a hospital and we stand up all day long and do lots of bending.
I got caught doing the Pigeon yoga pose by our head consultant 😳😳😳 it's not even like I could scramble to my feet and look normal cos that's not an easy pose to de-yoga yourself from 🤣
I feel so frustrated and used. My boyfriend / roommate hasn't paid his half of July rent yet. (Which means I'm definitely not getting his half of the August rent anytime soon). He acts **BAFFLED** that I am upset by this. He acts like I'm being the unreasonable one. He's yet to pay his share of rent & electricity on time once since we've moved in together. And we live in an EXTREMELY reasonably priced place. I genuinely don't understand how he's gotten by in life being this bad with money. He says not to let money drive our relationship apart, but none of this is feeling okay to me.
Yeah, that's not okay. You're not his mom. He needs to act like an adult and a full partner.
Being evicted because your *life partner* can't get their shit together is 100% not okay. That's what he's risking.
You are being reasonable in wanting stability in your living situation. It's not about money getting in the way, it's about the two of you not having the same perspective around what a life priority is (paying the bills on time). It's big stuff.
lololololl this guy is living in a fairytale if he thinks money issues isn't a good reason to end a relationship.
When does your lease end ?
I just found out one of my co-workers is friends with a girl who ghosted me a few years ago and comes into the visit that co-worker sometimes. My anxiety went into high-drive even just by seeing her. I'm also annoyed at the assistant manager being so anal on facing the store. She's not happy if we just pull product forward but also isn't happy if we spend too much time fixing the whole row of misaligned products. Also doesn't like it when it's not done from top to bottom. I don't know what you want!!
I figure skate as a hobby and for the past few weeks one of my most basic skills, a scratch spin, has gone to shit and I can’t figure out why. I’ve “lost” the skill before (and gotten it back with improvements) but this time it’s really, really bad. Everything else is improving rather well all things considered but this setback has begun to really affect me mentally, like I’m no longer a “real” skater some times. I’m trying to pass a skills test to get to the next level (which I’m high key worried I’ll fail) and I can’t even do a spin right now?? It’s making me real stressy depressy.
I was discussing with the person I’ve been seeing about what constitutes a BIPOC person because of some memes I had been seeing about that. They then said, “in my experience a lot of mainland Chinese people are not good people.”
They then followed up by stating that Chinese people cheat off of each other and are cheap. They based this off of casual observations they’ve made and after having some Chinese clients. I’m Chinese. They’re Mexican American and don’t know the world beyond Latino areas in Chicago. I got really upset about those comments. My parents have always been accused of being cheap and taken advantage of financially and I’ve been accused of cheating before in school. I told them that my friend used to write essays for rich white students at her uni and rich people cheated to get into good schools. Am I crazy for being upset about this? My roommate says I should forgive them and talk to them about it. My friends say to break up with them. Currently they’re acting like they didn’t make those comments. I haven’t responded to any of their texts tonight.
Ok grain of salt and all that bc I’m white but oh my gosh that is so offensive. I’m not gonna be like “break up with them!!” bc it’s a complex issue and like I said, white lady, but saying something racist about Chinese people TO A CHINESE PERSON that they are in a relationship is unacceptable. Especially with all the AAPI violence happening recently, yuck yuck yuck. I’m so sorry, sending you only the most immaculate vibes.
Thank you very much for the vibes. Yeah I don’t know. Like I can’t believe they just said that to me and they doubled down on it too when I chewed them out for it. They tried to remedy it by saying, “I know they’re not all like that.” My roommate says that they are most likely quite naive because they don’t really see life outside of Chicago but they’re 29. They should know better. I asked them if they knew any Asian person at all and they said no. Like I don’t know if they forgot that I’m a Chinese person studying anthropology and Asian American studies or they wanted to push me to see how far they can go. They don’t see anything wrong in their line of thinking. I’m trying to figure out if it’s worth it to date someone who thinks I’m not a good person or says that I’m “different.”
As a POC I'm sorry but that's just straight up fucking racist.
I cannot believe this person had the actual gall to spew this BS to your face.
I promise you're not being crazy/too sensitive/overreacting.
Not knowing the world beyond your tiny bubble is not a valid excuse for a grown ass adult in 2022.
And honestly it doesn't matter if they've never met a single other Asian person stereotyping an entire ethnicity is only what shitty fucking narrow minded people do.
I disagree with the other poster imo it's v. simple issue with a v. simple solution.
Save yourself a world of trouble and break up with this tool.
Please don't ever tolerate or excuse racism or any kind of bigotry for the sake of a relationship.
They are NEVER worth it.
And you deserve to be with someone who you don't have to fucking explain basic human decency to and who doesn't casually make racist fucking comments about you, your parents or your people.
And I just saw what they said about your roommate and that's made my skin crawl - this person is red flag wrapped in red flag.
Like wtf there's no no creepy reason for asking if the persons your seeings potential new roommate is cute.
So they directly insulted an entire ethnical group that you belong to aka being racist. Especially when "only knowing your immediate world" excuse doesn't fly in this, um online world. It's something that I cannot get past. Not even in an acquaintance.
I took them to dim sum and they initially said that they probably wouldn’t like it because they didn’t know what it was. Like I get that Chicago is a super segregated city and they mainly hang around downtown and Pilsen but they should know better. One of my friends asked if they even see me as a Chinese person at all. I want to give the benefit of the doubt and say that I feel like part of this is them being socially dumb. When I told them about how I was going to talk to this girl about potentially being a new roommate they asked if she was cute. Like what did that have to do with anything? My roommate said that they are most likely not thinking about what they’re saying. That still doesn’t excuse how racist their comments were.
They sound like not the best person to be dating from the things you've shared on here. Making racist remarks and asking if your potential new roommate is cute? Hmm. It depends on how much you want to try to make it work with them and I obviously don't know them or you whatsoever, but from the bits you've shared they sound like more trouble than they're worth.
I'm sorry but growing up in a segregated area doesn't prevent you from being exposed to other cultures and people online. Also they were lowkey scoping out your potential new roommate? That's just weird. If you felt that their comments were racist, your feelings are entirely valid, regardless of what others say (especially those who are not targets of their commentary)
As a fellow Asian American, that's irritating and offensive as hell that a "potential SO" would say something so ignorant, and you're not crazy for being upset, like, at all.
The unfortunate truth is that most people will never understand what it's like to live in your skin (and I mean this for, well, everybody on the planet, not just you or Asian Americans or POC). But it's important to keep friends who, even if they don't understand, also don't question or deny your experience. I would agree that you need to reduce your time spent with this person, unless they choose to stop being an ass. You've expressed your POV and they're now denying they said anything in the first place, which is not a great sign of their character.
You're not crazy, and this is a huge red flag.
Sorry, I can't handle racist and insulting people in any way, shape, or form. I once had a guy tell me that my grandmother was "probably going to die soon anyway" after she was released from the hospital for falling at home. I didn't even think twice about ousting him!
I could understand if after you clarified for him *then* he apologized profusely for being offensive. Then I would advise, "Hey, your roommate has a point.".
However, he demonstrated that he was justified. He lumped you into a category of, "Well, **all** people in [group name] do this". Something that is a pretty valuable speaking tool is to repeating what the person said to you, then posing the question to them, "How would you take someone applying generalized statements like that to you?"
It's a shame if you really liked this guy and now it feels weird. If you do want to take another shot at talking this out with him, I don't think it would hurt. Ultimately this is your decision, though.
As a Mexican American, their behavior is not okay and everything about their actions is a red flag. Get out get out get out. You’ll be glad you did, and if you wait, you’ll just wish you’d left sooner.
Trust your instincts! Sometimes you don’t have to push through and try very hard to make a relationship work. An amazing relationship is where both partners are learning and growing, which is not what your date is doing.
Their remark about your roommate is similarly alarming to me, because it really shows that their thought process about other ppl is on a superficial physical level. You deserve someone who makes you feel comfortable in a natural way!
I don’t make enough money to cover all my bills and it’s frustrating AF. I’ve lost count how many times my bank account has overdrawn this month.
Please review your spending and budget if you're not doing so already.
A friend of mine reached out to me because she felt lost after piling up a bunch of CC debt. I spent about 6 hours with her going through her expenses, debt, savings and income. She's also overdrafted her checking account several times. Found out that her boyfriend has her CC information and is spending about a third of her income. We also saw opportunities on where to cut back on her own expenses while still maintaining a comfortable spending budget.
She's in a much better place now, but you can do it by yourself too. (It can get uncomfortable to share your financial details with someone else.) Hope you find a way out of this.
I love my new job so much, but I do not love the one and a half hour each way train+bus commute 😭
Can relate so hard. Really considering moving rn. Sucks that my job is downtown and I don't really like any neighbourhoods within reasonable walking distance :(
Things that can go fuck themselves this week:
- this fucking heat
- Doug Mastriano
- I'm 49 and I really thought I'd be done with pimples at this stage of the game. Wtf.
It's not all doom and gloom! Things that are delightful:
- Terra Moons Tidal Flare, an incredible multichrome with a peach/indigo shift.
- prescription migraine medicine (Ubrelvy). It also knocks me out but I'm ok with naps as a side effect.
- [John Fetterman's excellent Twitter trolling of Dr. Oz](https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/why-john-fetterman-s-twitter-trolling-dr-oz-works-so-n1297452)
- physical therapy is slowly moving my kneecap back into place
- I'm From Mugwort sheet masks
I’m 52 and every time I get a zit I’m like: wrinkles? Fine. Zits? Fine. But wrinkles *and* zits? NOT OK!!! My skin needs to choose one or the other but wrinkles and zits together are not acceptable.
Right? Unacceptable. Especially since 1) I've figured out that niacinamide and fragrance in products give me zits, and I've eliminated them and 2) I've had a radical hysterectomy so it's not hormones. Like come onnnnnn why am I still getting random zits?
Hey, I'm near Philadelphia, too! The idea of Doug Mastriano possibly winning scares me. I would really hope that voters see how toxic and dangerous his comments about the woman's right to choose is for the future of women in our state.
There aren't enough things to say about how against Oz I am, but at least Fetterman is the bright spot making this a little bit entertaining.
Ooooh peach/indigo sounds really pretty. I see a lot of peach/teal or peach/light blue, but not so much peach/indigo
The thingy (idk what is in english) holding my makeup mirror together broke and i can't find it ANYWHERE and this is v annoying
I’m a camp counselor and the kids are really getting on my nerves today. I think they’re getting sick of each other after being together non stop for a month.
I'm interviewing for a promotion next week when I'll be 13 weeks pregnant. Stressed as fuck about when exactly to disclose if I get the promotion about the fact that I'll be going on leave probably at the end of January or early February.
I'm Canadian so I can take up to 18 months, I'm thinking I'll do 12 and hope it doesn't fuck up my career or relationships at work.
I hate that this is something I have to stress about. Capitalism sucks for family life.
I put in my application like 4 weeks ago and I'm just like why couldn't they have moved faster on this? I'd be more secure in the new role at time of disclosure.
Congratulations! Perhaps, when (speaking it into existence!) you get the new role, announce the pregnancy a few weeks in, so you're giving them time and enough of a heads up before you're out for them to come up with some sort of plan for your absence. A lack of planning on their part does not warrant an urgency on yours.
Don't stress! I was worried about telling my bosses, two retired Naval officers, and they were nothing but excited for the rest of my pregnancy. You got this!! 💕
I hate being negative but I have instituted several moans at work this week and it's only Tuesday 🤣🤣
Thing is, if they want to expand our tasks to multiple times capacity, the clinicians have to be prepared to wait. Which they are specifically not happy about. Well, what are you gonna do??
On the upside, one of my moans has already been actioned and more people are being trained! I've brought this up multiple times now over the last month as I decided being loud in our debrief about it was the only way to get results! And it worked!