I'm struggling a lot mentally atm & I can't even really describe it. I just can't really bring myself to do anything. I have so many actual urgent and important overdue stuff that will have serious negative consequences if I don't do them in time. Yet I still can't make myself get up and do anything about it. I normally struggle to sleep and am lucky if I can get 2-3hrs a night but over the last couple of days I've been sleeping for like 10hr+ stretches. I don't wake up feeling any better though. I feel like I just wake up, swallow pain killers, lie there writhing in pain in the dark, maybe listen to some music (the only bright spot in my day), then some weird cross between temporarily freaking the fuck out & having a panic attack & then zone out & revert back to not giving a fuck then fall back sleep again. Rinse & repeat. Nothing seems to help. & I can't seem to shake it off. I cancelled on my therapist twice already. I'm supposed to send off some stupid proof of disability shit that is holding up my payments but I just do not have the energy for. I still have Black Friday/Cyber Monday returns that lets be honest is probably well too late to do but I really need that money. There's a one off CA grant from that I still have not filled in. I need to get back to a million & one people but I haven't turned my phone on or checked my e-mail in days. I don't even bother drawing the curtains as I can't stand to look at the hellhole that is my surroundings. I keep hitting dead ends when it comes to all my medical shit and the doctors are all so dismissive and useless. & I am so sick and tired of existing in this stupid rundown body of mine. I can't even remember where the fuck I put away the rest of my meds but even when I am taking 3 different antidepressants it does jackshit for me. My brain is clearly too fucked up for it to make a difference. Ironically enough I'm just so fucking tired despite sleeping more than I ever have in my entire life in these last couple of days. I try to distract myself but I just feel like I'm playing make believe.

i'm so sorry you're going through this. just commenting to say i can highly empathize as i'm going through a very similar struggle at the same time. i wish i had answers for you, but i don't even have them for myself. the only thing i would say is try not to give into any feelings of hopelessness you may be feeling right now, which i know is easier said than done.

I can relate to how you're feeling. My executive functioning is all kinds of fucked up and I have all this adult shit to do (clean up! Make appointments! Fix my car! Find a new job!) and I'm just mindlessly playing games. If I'm doing well in those, it's like I'm doing well in real life, right?! I wish I had some advice for ya but all I can say is hang in there. One thing that somewhat helps is dragging my ass into the shower for a temporary reset.

i've officially had confirmed what i've long-suspected - the depressive episodes of my bipolar disorder are medication resistant. what sucks even harder is i'm on medicaid rn so i doubt they cover experimental treatments. furthermore i'm in the process of finding a psychiatrist under my medicaid health plan but my current meds aren't covered because my current psychiatrist isn't under my plan which fucking sucks, and the med i'm to start taking is like 1300k+ for 30 tablets, so my mom had my uncle who is a doctor prescribe them for her so i can have them while we search for a covered psychiatrist. the fact that we have to commit fucking insurance fraud so that i can get the help i need is insane. i hate this fucking country. Edit: even after committing fucking insurance fraud for me to get these meds they're a whopping $600 for 30 tabs, which is like $20 a tablet, god i hate the pharmaceutical industry so much.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s an absolute fucking shame. -an also enraged person in the US

:( I hope you get it sorted out. Bipolar depression is vile and the complications you're having getting care is awful.

I have been in and am that boat. Bipolar, no insurance, Medicaid...etc I am on disability so a few things have changed but not entirely What State are you in? If you don't feel comfortable posting the med here, feel free to message me. I hate the name of this site, but they have some good resources under prescription assistance and I know at one point my local health department actually did the prescription assistance paperwork https://www.needymeds.org/ ... If it is the *new, experinental-ish med I am thinking of, they may be running clinical trials in your area. Look at. https://www.centerwatch.com/clinical-trials/listings/therapeutic-area/17/psychiatry-psychology/ Also, FWIW if a primary care doc prescribes psych meds it isn't fraud. I have gone through a bunch of crap lately getting a therapist and shrink...besides people just quitting medicine, seems like a lot of people decided they were depressed and are sucking up resources for those of us w life long issues .. anyway, my doc finally figured out a way to get me sone help. A psych nurse from University in adjacent city is a middleman between a psychiatrist and my primary care. He relays my shit to the psychiatrist who then sends info to my MD who ultimately writes the RX.. But yes, the medical and mental health system in this country is a fucking joke. The only thing that has changed in the thirty years since I finally saw a doc in college is that more people talk about it, but otherwise resources are shit. I can't even watch the news bc I live in fear of the few resources I have being ripped away. PS. On top of everything those who are fortunate to not have any MH issues don't understand that just the act of making an appointment is often the hardest part.

I'm currently in Michigan! The reason why it's insurance fraud is because my uncle is prescribing it as though the patient is my mom so it can go through my parent's insurance. Since I'm actually the one taking it, and i'm not under that insurance any longer, that's why it classifies as insurance fraud. and yeah finding a psychiatrist that 1.) takes medicaid 2.) is accepting new patients and 3.) i can get an appointment with at least in the span of 1-2 months at the latest is honestly incredibly difficult. even when i had insurance finding a new psychiatrist took so long - like we looked up 30 different psychiatrists who were covered and around 5-8 of them were taking new patients and only 2 of them could give me an appointment within a month.

What a nightmare. Honestly, I sometimes don't understand why everyone in the US is not rioting because of this. I bet the meds are like 30 euros tops in anywhere but the US.

the way things are going its def gonna hit a boiling point within the next decade and I guarantee there will be riots/mass protests

Is it just me or are people getting more asshole-y on the road??? Like what’s with the tailgating, I’m literally going the speed limit, the amount of times I’ve been nearly ran off the road the past few weeks from people tailgating me. Plus, why are people headlights so bright, it’s blinding me.

Headlights in new cars are definitely way brighter. Like, distractingly bright, "could cause an accident" bright. I don't understand why there isn't some sort of federal or state/provincial body that bans those obnoxious fuckin headlights. They're actually dangerous, on top of being annoying

I won’t drive at night. Period.

Same, it’s nerve wracking, especially since my night vision isn’t the greatest even with glasses on.

I wear glasses too and I think that’s a big part of it.

Yeah, exactly! I was coming home from a night shift a few days ago and this person’s light’s blinded me when I looked at my rear view mirror, there definitely needs to be some rule for this.

Its extra annoying for me bc I had corrective eye surgery done and as result at night lights give off halos, so it makes it harder to see when the lights are super bright.

For the love of God I will never understand people who tailgate...its annoying as shit. I've also noticed a lot of people who will cut you off if you put your turn signal on to change lanes on the highway....like wtf.

I’ve noticed that too! It’s so dangerous, idk why people drive like that

I actually had to get the police to toss a squatter out of my basement (that part does not connect to the upstairs) and trespass him: if he comes back on my property for any reason, he gets arrested. Turns out I knew who it was (friend of a friend who had been to my house before). Not sure how long he was down there, which adds to the weirdness. He didn't trash the basement, at least.

I would like more of this story please.

I'd seen the guy walking in my neighborhood a couple of times over the last couple of weeks, which didn't make sense to me cause afaik he doesn't know anyone in my neighborhood (except me, and we are not friendly. That, and it's an established neighborhood. Older people, or families. I'm the odd not married, no kids household.). And then I saw a light. It couldn't have been coming from anywhere except that part of the basement, and I just knew. I went down there, and sure enough, there he was. I told him he had to leave. He evidently wasn't in a hurry? so I called the police. He's helped my friend with yard work at my house before, so he would have seen the basement then.

That's terrifying. Glad it ended safely for you.

Thank you. It was *weird.* Edit: actually, I'm glad he was slow to leave\the police were involved and he was trespassed cause now he legally can't be on my property.

Feels like my ovaries are trying to leave my body. That's all

😫 Damn those ovaries :( I had such bad pain in my side a couple of days ago that I thought I was having organ issues - no, no, it was just pre-period ridiculousness. Wft body!

I know the feeling all too well! I hope your pain has eased since ♥️

I feel embarrassed that I was getting worried 😅 Thank you! I hope your pain is fading too and you don't have a long period :) It shifted to the expected pain and got easier throughout the day. I am always annoyed when my period comes round because I didn't have any periods at all in my 20s with this contraception! Late 30s? Random cycle, sometimes veeeery long, sometimes very short and still comes with a side order of pain 😭 Edit typo

I’m tired of having a job that makes me feel stupid , despite support from my Lead.

I bought the Indie Lee Coq-10 toner during the Net-A-Porter sale. The full size is 4oz at $36. Indie Lee also has a travel size at 1oz sold for $11. So I bought it for the sale price of $27. Tell me why a travel size bottle was sent to me. I just emailed them so hopefully I can either get a partial refund or they can send the full size.

Rant but grateful at the same time. The last 48 hours have included: my minivan breaking down on the way to a medical appointment for my son, someone trying to use my credit card number and having to cancel that card, my (autistic) son having to do colonoscopy prep, and then today his endoscopy/colonoscopy and subsequent Celiac diagnosis. It's all fine and solvable. We can afford to repair the van. My bank caught the fraud attempt. Celiac was the best possible outcome of today's tests. And one of my daughters also has Celiac, so we already know what we're doing with that. But it's still a *lot.* I am so tired.

I've gained so much weight the past couple months. My weight has been creeping up the past few years to the point where I seem to have to buy new clothes every season. I like buying high quality clothes so this is getting really frustrating and expensive. I have a ton of clothes that don't fit in all different sizes and I have no clue if I should just get rid of them or hold onto them. I'm having really bad body dysmorphia to the point where I feel like I barely recognize myself in the mirror and don't want any pictures taken of me. None of my jeans fit me again and the process of trying to buy new ones is so depressing. I'm trying to not let it get to me but some days it's hard. Just bury me in my leggings and overalls at this point.

If you've been gaining weight at a rapid pace there is a pretty solid chance there might be some underlying issue or external factor causing it, and it might be worth it to see a doctor about the possibility. I'm sorry about the dysmorphia, I struggle with it too as someone who's mom has been calling me fat since I was 11, and who grew up around really naturally slender sisters. It really sucks.

I've been doing a fairly minimal routine for a good while now. Tubing mascara, one light shade shadow, a little blush, a little gloss. Like so many of you, I'm pretty bored with that look, so lately I've been wanting to do MORE. Today I took a step back into the maximal with (drumroll) tightliner and a more dramatic shadow look. By the middle of the afternoon, I remembered why I'd embraced the mininal trend. My makeup looked terrible. Exhausted allergic raccoon. And then of course when I did my night routine it took a ton of work and products to get off. Now my skin is all inflamed. Blah. I guess I'll be living the boring Glossier life.