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blobmeister2

"sex lube" is just so...blunt.


Pdoinkadoinkadoink

I like how all the other product names have a little marketing sizzle but when the copywriter came to this one they just ran dry on ideas. *"I dunno. It's lube. For sex... Sex lube? That'll do."*


amluchon

To be fair, three shelves packed with all manner of goods and here we are talking about Sex Lube^TM.


keepyeepy

That's a good point...


eltrento

We've been marketed


Phyllis_Dick

They used up all their creativity with *Vibrating Stroker*


DontDiluteTheBaby

Exactly! I was hoping they'd have named the double sided stroker the 'Docking Station.'


Numerous-Explorer

Little sucker. Tush toy.


All0uttaBubblegum

Original name was “butt grease”


Rahmulous

Well they already have Tush Cush right next to it. “A cushiony lubricant for backside play.”


Laurenhynde82

Is that like when you buy cheap wine from the supermarket and it just says “WHITE WINE” on it?


alberthere

Because “sex lube” was surprisingly available as the first choice. The alternative was “fun fluid”.


indiebryan

Here in Japan they call it "Hole Lotion"


INHALE_VEGETABLES

That's great haha here in Australia we bite the pillow like real men.


InfrequentlyVile

Real men care for their lover's starfish!


imbrownbutwhite

Personally, I like it. Is what it is. I don’t need no fancy dancy gimmick, gimme the goods!


ZincHead

Yeah there's really no need for so much euphemism. The funny thing is these products are probably in the "family planning" section. Like come on guys, I'm not planning any family with my butt plug and anal lube.


Self_Reddicated

Failing to plan is planning to fail.


AeKino

Might confuse it with car lube


crafty_alias

Yeah, and the hellocake one with the "free from" list. A sad face with the word shame underneath. Lmao.


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IAM_THE_LIZARD_QUEEN

With all the other slightly cutesy names next to it, super jarring.


justabill71

Sam's Plug


MakesMyHeadHurt

Talk about buying in bulk!


WarmSea9702

You only have to be a member!


ChymChymX

To buy a toy for your member!


ShabbyKittenRebel

And I envisioned a giant dildo that barely fits in the cart and the end hangs out the front so you knock other stuff off the shelves when you turn too sharp.


sinisterdesign

Ahhh, you’re thinking of the Sam’s Ram model.


grecomic

Great VaLube


IronBahamut

Oh I knew I should have used the one with a flared base Mr Frodo


oniiichanUwU

These are reasonable prices


itisoktodance

Honestly, my first thought was "who buys sex toys from Walmart", and then I looked at the prices and was like "you know what..."


JapaneseStudentHaru

I bought a finger vibrator from them a couple years ago that broke immediately lol Hopefully these won’t suffer the same fate


say-wen

I can’t speak for the female products but I decided to give the stroker a shot. I had a more expensive and proper pocket pussy 5 or so years ago that was kind of meh, but I love the stroker. Comparatively more durable, easy to clean, feels great.


Dontbemaditsonlygame

Your comment sending guys scrambling to check their local Walmart for strokers lol


Self_Reddicated

There's gonna be a run on sex toys at the Walmart from this post. It's gonna be like Black Friday.


peachy_chipmunk

I actually want to go get one for my boyfriend 😂


azlan194

What is that "Stroker"? "A double sided toy for men"? Is it a dildo or a Fleshlight or both? Oh.., just asking for a friend, lol.


say-wen

Half of the inside is textured like a vagina, and the other half from the other direction is textured like an anus.


avitus

The future is now.


NicePinkCenter

What a time to be alive!!!


anotherkeebler

Also much easier to clean since you can run water through it.


RabidMofo

Who um.. who had the job to design an anus texture? Did they get a research budget or?


lilhippieboi

anal/pussy dual sided


SleepDeprivedUserUK

Oh, I legit thought it was something two guys could fuck at the same time from either end.


IAmA_Risky_Click_AMA

I mean, I can't think of a reason you couldn't do that.


SKJ-nope

Other than creating a suction tube that both your ducks get caught in like a Chinese finger trap lol


Usernamewasnotaken

Let's keep the bestiality to a separate thread.


superultrauniqueuser

'Hey mom can I get eiffel tower toy?' 'No we have eiffel tower toy at home'


WhatLikeAPuma751

Worlds worst Chinese finger trap


AbzoluteZ3RO

Or best?


MillieBirdie

Your comment made me realize the these products are probably not for men to use on their prostate...


saintblasphemy

The tushy one likely can be, though!


hadtomakeaprofile

Not with that attitude.


ismaithliombia

Why do you need to vibrate your finger?


klavin1

Helps with cramps from playing candy crush.


ScottishGigolo

I’ve been in the market for a vibrating men’s massager, but I can’t figure out how to get my back into that thing.


ConsistentAsparagus

![gif](giphy|08y87EiwDZjjB0d6WJ|downsized)


Sinjian1

Instructions unclear, penis stuck in....oh wait, this feels good.


ForwardSound6859

No no, it goes on your fist


Phantommy555

Sounds like a pain in the rear


robert235

Yeah some sex shops in NY would charge $20-30 more.


__theoneandonly

I will also say from experience that there are sex shops that sell for much less too lol. It always makes me laugh because there are two distinct types of sex shop in the city. There’s the “sex is nothing to be ashamed of! Look at our curated list of products! We have “consent” written in 100 different languages as wallpaper! We teach a weekly workshop on what type of vegan luge your vagina needs” type shops. And then there’s the “I’m reading my magazine at the register, and don’t whip it out until you get inside the video theatre in the back” type shop. One will sell a $5 butt plug. The other will have a $50 butt plug. You know which is which.


ATOmega

All I can think about is the Vagina Luge at the next Olympics.


dumpling98

In the defense of more expensive stores ( as long as the price matches the quality ofc), ive gotten poisoned by cheap plugs and bad toys. All the aliexpress quality toys you will find in the cheap shops or so are made from materials not safe for veginal use or anal use. Some of us are so sensitive that we gotta be careful with what materials we buy. And buying good silicone, glass and all gets expensive unfortunatly.


CompSciBJJ

100% be careful what materials you put in your orifices, even if you aren't overly sensitive. Mucous membranes are highly absorbent, so if your sex toy leaches harmful chemicals, they're probably going to end up inside of you. Not to mention if they break down, crack, or are porous, they can harbor bacteria that are hard/impossible to clean, and that can make you sick. Be wary of putting anything under $30-40 inside your body, more if it's a larger implement


AWrenchAndTwoNuts

Not really a place I am going to want to check out the scratch and dent or clearance shelves.


Pi6

90 percent of couples have used adult toys in their bedroom. The other 10 percent only buy new.


Mamasayseyeisspecial

My local Walmart hires them.


Cur-De-Carmine

Good show, old man. Jolly good show.


BigSexytke

Pops is that you?


sierrabravo1984

Indubitably.


COYFC

Do they also hire little suckers or vibrating strokers?


ShadowsTrance

Why, are you looking for work?


GoAheadMakeMySplay

They probably don't, but here's my number


Edible_Buttplug

Yup, management took the microwave out of the break room though. Only got to use it once.


Simbuk

Associate: “Good morning, sir, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah I need this case opened. I need lube, a butt plug, aaaaand…what do you think? Should I get the stroker or the vibrating stroker?” Associate (squinting): “For you, sir, the little sucker.”


VanVaughnVonVaan

Which one makes me better at chess?


TheJudgeWillNeverDie

This is why we need a FIDE official buttplug, in order to avoid this kind of confusion. There must be a standard.


170XFc956jYlN8VJ5O1W

Have it shaped like a rook


TheVojta

Coward. Knight or nothing.


Ferelar

I say one that starts as a pawn but promotes for her pleasure.


mistah_michael

More of a bishop man myself. They generally have the experience already


Trollygag

The current meta is vibrating one with Bluetooth and Maxim Dlugy as your coach


the0rchid

Thanks to Hans and Magnus, every time I see a buttplug I immediately think "chess cheating" and cannot separate the two. Ever tried keeping hard when you're constantly thinking about the London system? Much more difficult than playing it.


p00pd1cks

My wife bought me the stroker out of the blue one day. The novelty wore off after a little while. Didn't know they made a vibrating one. Now I feel cheated.


toadandberry

Honestly, I’m more surprised to see the strokers than the toys traditionally used by women.


carlythebubbly

Well how was it? Before the novelty wore off I mean. Asking for a friend.


DarKbaldness

I also got some of this stuff with my girlfriend and the stroker is surprisingly great just get it with the Toy Wonder lube and you’re good to go.


[deleted]

HONEY GO GET THE SEX LUBE FOR SEXIN'. Also those are stupid good prices. Wow. Stuff like this used to be specialty only, and like 150+ easily.


krazyboi

I guess it makes sense that as a product, they're relatively simple. As long as walmart did the bare minimum and ensured their products arent porous or will chafe.


abhijitd

How does Walmart QA these things?


crankbot2000

New hires. It's part of their orientation.


notoneforusernames

Eeeeew- thinking of most Walmart employees using these things Door greeters get the little sucker


WiggyWare

I like to think there's an employee with a sample table at the end of that aisle.


xAIRGUITARISTx

They don’t, the brand that makes them does.


DrakeHarvester

Go to the store for Milk, Bread, Eggs and me juice


ButtMcNuggets

Hard to find a good deal these days what with inflation and all


Shubniggurat

$150...? Jesus, where were you guys buying sex toys? [Even NJoy's absolutely massive butt plug is only $120](https://www.njoytoys.com/product/pure-plug-2-0/). And--I can not stress this enough--it is absolutely huge, very, very heavy, and definitely the most expensive one I've ever seen that didn't involve gold or real gems. (Did I mention how huge and heavy it is? You could accidentally crack someone's skull with it.) Even at high-end sex shops, basic vibrators and water-based lubricants are usually fairly inexpensive. If you want Lelo toys, then you're gonna shell our some cash, and if you need silicone or hybrid lube (and, IMO, you should definitely use silicone for any anal play) you only get into the $100+ range when you're talking about getting it by the liter.


dwanton90

Don't look at the bad dragon line...


RVAMS

Any time I order from my site they throw in free butt plugs. I have like 6 of them. They’re one of the cheapest toys, idk why everyone thinks they need to drop 60+ dollars on a molded piece of silicone.


Shubniggurat

>idk why everyone thinks they need to drop 60+ dollars on a molded piece of silicone. You shouldn't need to. And most of the steel ones are chrome plated rather than being solid 316 stainless, so you shouldn't be spending that much there, either. (And yeah, chrome plated is good enough, most of the time, as long as it's well done.) I can kind of understand it once you start getting into hand-made glass pieces that have fancy detailing, but even those aren't terribly labor intensive (...although learning the skill takes a lot of time and practice).


EerieArizona

My heart goes out to the workers who have to process the ones that get returned.


Taco_ivore

I don’t know about butt plugs but Walmart policy specifically states that vibrators are final sale items. I used to work for Walmart. One of the only times I’ve ever gotten cussed out by somebody was because we wouldn’t take back their dirty vibrator.


dem89

Those are actually not store policies. That's the actual law. Used to work for a corporate adult toy store that was in multiple states.


Kittten_Mitttons

Sex toys for corporate adults sound intimidating.


dem89

Johnson, I need those orgasms on my desk by the end of the day!


itsmymedicine

Yeeeeeeah *sips coffee* im gonna need you to cum on friday


polish_filipino

There's a slight reflection there. Does that mean a worker needs to go and unlock it... awkwardly bringing you to the register so you'd pay for it?


paigezero

Yeah, you can see the little handle-notch in the glass panel in front of the "stim-for-him" on the bottom right.


Smittyyyyyyyyyy_

Yep. Same lock case as the condoms, it’s awkward the first 2-3 times you unlock it for someone but by 4 you’re over it


Doomgloomya

This walmart FUCKS


edwardsflu

![gif](giphy|l3q2t2KAyvxy9xBe0|downsized)


ihatecomicsans11

![gif](giphy|uovRt2kyG3ASk|downsized)


IntentionSafe79

I understand why it’s behind glass, but I sure wish it wasn’t. Taking that straight to self checkout in s cart filled with groceries so no one knows


Plantsandanger

*cue screechingly loud AI voice announcing each purchase and telling you to place it in bagging area*


CHAINSMOKERMAGIC

#PLEASE PLACE THE BLUETOOTH ACTIVATED VIBRATING BUTT PLUG INSIDE THE BAGGING AREA.


Lord_Abort

Ah, a fellow chess player, I see.


CHAINSMOKERMAGIC

I don't know what you're talking about... I'm just...*con*cen...*trating* on my next...*huuuuuuuhhh* move....


RicoSuave1881

“CheEEEEEckk.… 😩”


RaydelRay

The "Hans", Blue Tooth and WIFI Enabled. 64 modes of vibration, encryption ready. Hans is such a naughty boy!


Squishy_Boy

CUSTOMER NEEDS ASSISTANCE AT THE FUCK TOY STAND. REPEAT, FILTHY CUSTOMER NEEDS SHAMEFUL ASSISTANCE AT THE SINFUL MASTURBATION STATION.


datnetcoder

I’m laughing my ass off first thing in the morning reading this. PERVERTED *FREAK* NEEDS ASSISTANCE IN THE VILE AISLE!


_Divine_Plague_

DISGUSTING *SLEAZEBAG* WANTS AN ITEM FROM THE OFFENDER VENDOR!


InSixFour

They’re not behind glass at my Walmart.


torchictoucher

Probably depends on the reputation of your area


MikeTheImpaler

My local Walmart locks up the baby formula. So.


vaginaplastique

MINE LOCKS UP SOCKS. SOCKS, PEOPLE! FUCKING SOCKS!!!


__theoneandonly

Socks are the most highly requested item by homeless shelters and women’s shelters. Everyone wears socks every day and it’s the thing people don’t donate


MorbidAversion

I'm pretty sure they lock up what gets stolen most often, it's not a judgement call.


politicalanalysis

It’s based on profit/loss numbers. So it’s a combination of how often things get stolen vs how often it gets sold. This is important because locking something up obviously slows sales at the same time it deters theft, so if your selling 20 for every one that gets stolen, you might make more in profit on that even with the theft than you would if you locked it up, only sold 5 and never had one stolen. There’s a reason that “sales beat shrink” is a common phrase in the retail loss prevention world. If you’re selling more but having the same amount stolen, your shrinkage percentage is going to be lower, and that’s all that really matters for the number crunchers.


xSHAD0Wx13

Are these Wal mart branded... like if you go to the Electronics department.. they have all the Onn stuff.. like.. Game Onn, Power Onn etc.. I guess they could brand these as Inn.. Push Inn, Plug Inn


ooglieguy0211

I'm not sure if their brand is a Walmart owned brand but they are all Cake brand. Many Walmart stores have had them for at least a couple years now.


alegxab

It's not a Walmart owned brand, but they did make a deal with Cake https://www.beautyindependent.com/sexual-wellness-brand-cake-closes-4m-seed-round-nationwide-walmart-launch/


GalacticHero

Seed round. Heh.


DrakeHarvester

Oh you can have your Cake and eat it too....


Blackrain1299

In fact we just got new ones. My store just set up the shelves to included the vibrating fleshlight and butt plug you see here.


drunkmaster_flex

Turn Onn


Lazy-Refrigerator-92

All these cute little names and then just SEX LUBE.


MyBunnyIsCuter

At my Walmart you have to call someone to unlock the case - and it holds everything from pregnancy tests to buttplugs. They get on the intercom, in typical Walmart style: 'cUsToMeR nEeDs AsSisTaNcE iN sExUaL hEaLtH' and then they repeat it. I live in GA so it may be just yo embarrass people into not buying PlanB or something.


melephant19

The other day at a Walmart in Texas I saw a middle aged man standing next to this same type of locked shelf trying to find someone to unlock it. Long story short he finally found someone and he ended up getting lube and some condoms from it. Apparently the rule is the worker who unlocks it is the only one who can touch these items until the customer pays for it so this old woman had to escort this full grown man all the way to the checkout counter while carrying lube and condoms for him. It was so awkward!


m8remotion

Perfect opportunity for a vending machine of this at every 7-Eleven.


jcutta

Every Bodega already has all of that stuff and they have no shame, they'll recommend it. Was buying a bottle of water and dude gave me a whole sales pitch on that honey that makes your dick hard.


Frooonti

Same seems to be the case here since you can see the milky glass finger slidy square (wtf is that called lol) next to the 'sex lube'. Can't really imagine anyone asking an employee to assist them in acquiring a 'little sucker' or 'vibrating stroker'.


GH0ULi0

Don’t underestimate my lack of humility.


DirkDieGurke

Maintain eye contact as you ask for the extra large...


DoctorFunktopus

You can’t embarrass me, I’ve seen the rest of the people in this Walmart


NocturnalSeizure

Wear your covid mask. Then when they ask you which item you want, you ask them if they have any recommendations.


the_new_longneck

#HELLO I WOULD LIKE ONE (1) VIBRATING STROKER PLEASE


cutelyaware

^((and some plan b)^)


instantpowdy

Just in case you preggo the Tenga.


Tom_Ace1

Price check on VagiClean, please


CardinalCoronary

When I started seeing them in CVS a couple years ago, I thought 'Oh cool it's so normal that you can even get them here.' But I had also JUST started a job at an adult goods store at the time so I also thought "DAMMIT DAMMIT GODFUCKINDAMMIT." XD


SBSlice

Internet killed the sex shop and regular retail picked up the market share that was left 😥


CardinalCoronary

I got so sick of hearing "Can you price match Amazon?" after taking people through things, letting them test drive (WITH THEIR HANDS) sample toys and helping them comparison shop. Mregh.


HeyPinkiePie

Not only that, but a lot of the cheap products on amazon are "novelty use only" So they are allowed to use very cheap chemicals that have proven very harmful to certain areas over prolonged exposure. It's one of the few products I wont cheap out on hahahah


CardinalCoronary

Interestingly enough, that's also to skirt "morality" laws. You can't have more than...I think 7 sex toys in Texas, but you CAN have as many "adult novelties" as you want. The way that loophole was taken advantage of pisses me off a lot though, but education is key as always.


Chroderos

They actually have a law spelling out the number of *sex toys* you can own on the books? Smell the liberty in the air. Don’t tread on me (Cause I’m afraid I might be into that sh*t yo) 😂 For real though, how does that even work? Like do people have to register their dildo collections with the local sheriff? I’m dying.


CardinalCoronary

Well no! Because they're novelties, you see. Also, I checked again, you can only have 5.


Boognish84

How many guns can you own?


roxx1811

Yes.


Taldoable

The original logic was that it would both curb brothels and prevent selling of non-FDA approved sex toys, since clearly anyone who owned more than 7 sex toys must be an unlicensed dealer. I'm not saying it was very good logic, but it was 1950's sex logic. And to be fair, Texas ruled the law unenforceable in the '70s.


inksane

> You can't have more than...I think 7 sex toys in Texas, What? This is in America? How is that a free country? My country isn't considered free and we don't have laws like that. Don't get me wrong, I'm just curious how this is possible.


CardinalCoronary

Anything is possible when you ✨️believe✨️...in stupid stuff. XD It's not easy to enforce all the way to jail time...I assume, but yeah, we have a lot of laws persecuting sexuality here, among other things. Also the limit is five. 6 or more is against the law.


TheOvershear

Price matching is such a dead concept. Not to say people don't try. Last place I knew that used to do it was the music store near me. Then a Walmart moved next door and that was that.


Cetun

Sex shops are doing fine, they do more than sell sex toys


SBSlice

I should clarify I live in a fairly religious area (like almost everything is closed on sundays) and that some of them are still open to this day but there used to be a lot more of them and they looked like people actually went in there. I don't know exactly what you mean by "more than sell sex toys" but here yeah, they also sell lingerie, porn, bondage and other 'lifestyle' equipment but I'm pretty sure they sell less of all of the above than they did 20 years ago 🤷‍♂️


Appropriate_Strain94

So you’re saying you live in Utah?


SBSlice

"No comment. But, yes!"


mv1630

They sell mints too. So theres that.


Cetun

Most are headshops also. They also provide clubwear and occasionally you'll see one with a glory hole or "theatre"


Fit_Effective_6875

Is why they sell mints.


mv1630

I get the mints from the hole in the bathroom


shreddievanhalen

If it makes you feel any better, having to ask a store employee to open the case for you probably halts quite a few of their potential sales


TheOvershear

I manage a CVS. Apparently our sex toys are garbage. I know this because an old man insisted on such, as he yelled at me for 30 minutes while trying to do a return on one which I was declining. Sir, I'm not touching the dildo. I don't care if it's not "doing it" for you.


biblebeltbuddhist

Looks like they sell more than that


Takii08

Imma need to know what Walmart you going to


WhateverFire775

Do they have them vibrate when playing chess?


AtoneBC

Queen, knight, bishop, rook, pawn.


nnicknull

Meanwhile, my local Walmart has the condoms locked in a case, requiring you to find an employee to unlock it and hold them at a register while they judge you. Gotta love living in the Bible belt.


ReedForman

Don’t worry, they’ll be banned soon. Yee yee


y_would_i_do_this

Tush Cush sounds dank


CardinalCoronary

"Dad...it's the good tush!" "It's at WALMART, how good could it BE." XD


MillieBirdie

Kind of annoyed that the sucker is stated as for vaginal play when I'm pretty sure those are used on the clitoris.


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viking1313

Yeah but it's behind glass so you gotta ask an employee to get it Fuck that


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CajunRabbit

I think this is fine... We should stop the demonization of sex anyway. A more open minded society is a better one. If I want to go in and buy erotic toys for myself or my wife thats my choice... I shouldnt have to drive 40mins away to a disgusting (it really is) sex shop off the highway.


sunal135

I have been to multiple sex shops that are cleaner than your average Walmart.


ooglieguy0211

Luckily, not all sex shops are disgusting or off the highway. We have 4 within 3 miles of downtown and only 1 of those is mildly sketchy. The rest are very well taken care of. We don't get the ones with theaters or headshops because of religious influence here but with that influence comes the comedy of people going into those stores and looking/feeling guilty about having a normal, natural, healthy, sex life. People are weird about sex for some damn reason.


breeze80

Found my neighbor in Utah.


Bling_Blang_Blung

Hello, neighbors!


grafknives

To be fair, I am more amazed with marketing gimmicks of pregnancy test. 5 days earlier 6 days earlier results 3 way Test early and often Make up your ***** mind!!!


clapclapsnort

Don’t use lube specialized for your butt, kids. It usually has a numbing agent in it and you need to be able to feel if you’re doing damage. Pain is a sign you need to slow down or use more of a normal lubricant. Also communication is key. You need to know if it’s hurting you so you can communicate that to your partner and they should stop or slow down. I’m referring to the “tush cush” on the bottom row or “anal ease” is especially bad for this reason.


forpornonlytbhfam

You're absolutely not wrong at all, but just so people know, Tush Cush does not contain a numbing agent It's just a water and silicone based hybrid lube.


clapclapsnort

I stand corrected. Thanks for the information.


Urbane_One

What, dare I ask, are butt kids?


imnotsoho

$30 for a butt plug? Well, you can just stick that up your ass Bub!


sirensslave

tush cush is fr the best lube ever.


P0ffthemagicdragon

Actually almost all Walmarts and targets carry buttplugs, vibrators, cock rings, even male masterbators now too.