T O P
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MochaTaco

“How did this get in here?! Honestly, it’s not mine!”


Mcdiglingdunker

One credit card receipt, one warranty card, one book...


jellybelly232

This sort of thing ain’t my bag, baby!


B_Reele

One book by Austin Powers “This Sort Of Thing Is My Bag, Baby”


MochaTaco

Somebody’s playing a prank on me


nytel

Carrying case... Cleaner...


idktheyarealltaken

Austin Powers are you sure this is not your Swedish penis extender?


Between_the_narrows

I swear this isn't my bag baybee


Jive_turkeeze

One book titled Swedish penis extender is my bag written by Austin powers.


hell2pay

Rewatched this last night, its so dated but still hits.


buddhassynapse

"I ordered an Xbox card!"


The_Ghost_of_Kyiv

"What the frick!"


iTwango

It's an Xbox remote uh controller!


jlm994

Your references are out of control. Everyone knows that


jamminblue

Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.


TwistedSistaYEG

Someone is sitting home on a Friday night super bummed with their 3 shirts.


JoseJalapenoOnStick

Imagin the conversation when trying to get a refund


waltjrimmer

"Just because I need a dildo doesn't mean I'm a JoJo fan! I mean, I am a JoJo fan, but that's not the point!"


No-Juggernaut677

r/unexpectedjojo


Quality-vs-Quantity

Is it also a Men in Black reference? When Will Smith travel back in time and steals a car. "Just because I am black doesn't mean I stole the car. I mean I stole the car but not because I am black" Or something like that. Haven't seen the movie in a multitude of years


ErikSaav

Yeah, that [scene](https://youtu.be/GNOZhAc26I8) lives in my head rent free, one of the best scenes from the movie


Bunniemonkey

I read r/unexpecteddildo Annnnnd it's an actual sub


Street-Measurement-7

I remember a scene from a British comedy film about 20 years ago. Can't remember the title, but if anyone remembers, please share. So anyway, this was pretty much pre-internet days for most folks and a lot of sex toys were advertised in the back pages of porn mags and sold by mail order. The one character's master plan was to take out such an ad for giant deal on dildos. Except he did not have any dildos nor would he ever. He would respond to any orders with a refund cheque and a note stating they were sold out. And on the refund cheque it stated GIANT DILDO REFUND so noone would want to take it to their bank to deposit.


Zagmut

Read the post above yours, commenter transcribed the scene that you’re talking about. Brilliant fucking movie, goddamned hilarious. I mean, that ending is just 🤌


BeautifulBus912

Lock stock and two smoking barrels. Fucking love that movie


Neoxyte

Tom: Listen to this one: You open a company called the Arse Tickler's Fuckers Fan Club. Soap: You what? Tom: You take out an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, you sell it with, I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", "the latest and greatest in sexual technology", "guaranteed results or your money back", all that bollocks. Now these dils cost twenty-five quid a pop - as a snip for the amount of pleasure they're gonna give the recipients. But they send their cheques to the other company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five quid. You take that twenty-five quid, you stick it in the bank until it clears. Now this is the smart bit - you send back the cheque for twenty-five pound from the other company name, "Arse Tickler's Fuckers Fan Club", saying, "We're sorry, we couldn't get the supplies from America because they run out of stock". Now you see how many people cash that cheque - not a single soul, because who wants their bank manager to know they tickle arse when they're not paying cheques? Bacon: So how long do you have to wait until you see a return? Tom: Probably no more than four weeks. Bacon: A month? So, what Fucking good is that if we need it in six - no, five days? Tom: Well, it's still a good idea.


ArltheCrazy

It was a good idea, except now with mobile deposit you could deposit the check with out having to face your banker.


abecanread

Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels? Edit: confirmed, that’s the movie. Good one.


Slime_lich

"Honey you ready to stuff me tonight?" "If you mean with shirts... I guess..."


WakeoftheStorm

Just roll it up tightly and slide a condom over it


FootballAndBicycles

And OP's getting bummed this Friday night with 6 inches of silicone


hop_mantis

What the frick?


[deleted]

Obviously 3 shirts = dildo. If you wanted the vibrator that’s just 2 shirts.


[deleted]

This is why money is pointless.


senorgraves

Ok, but it's a lot more convenient carrying around paper money than a sack of dildos


[deleted]

Not if you store them in your gaping ass


MrSluagh

Nonsense. You can fit thousands of dollars cash in one condom and put it up your butt. 3 dildos would be a feat.


LoBsTeRfOrK

I, too, look forward to a dildo based economy.


GlitteringBobcat999

It's like those Craigslist sex worker adds, but instead of costing x number of "flowers", it's shirts. Well played, Spencer's Gifts.


[deleted]

Dude! This don't make any sense. Everyone knows a vibrator is 4 shirts


LuckyManMoogSolo

You bought the dildo didnt you


dbx99

What? I ordered a PlayStation controller. I don’t know what that is.


whiteboy1190

What the frick???


Shirthead85

I ordered and Xbox card... err... Xbox controller.


femalefirefighter56

Not this time…


LuckyManMoogSolo

🤔


3_T_SCROAT

I ordered an xbox card, i swear!


fezzuk

Its an old meme but it checks out.


FullMarksCuisine

What the frick


shahooster

So there was a time..


jiss2891

Sherlock


Tricky-Sympathy

Shercock


tappyturtle12

Hercock


micahamey

Ourcock


AdRemote9464

Theircock


CaidenPlayz

r/cockception


ubermeisters

Commucock


Pos3odon08

Sharedcock


IamcJ

She has a fire in her loins that needed extinguishing.


BengalFX

Wouldnt friction just make it worse?


Nicknamedreddit

You know, they say “fight fire with fire”.


CephaloG0D

If this is the second one you've received, check your order.


StlChase

A female firefighter? You definitely bought it no changing my mind from that username.


feisty-frisco87

My boss happens to be a female firefighter. 🤔 I might have some questions for her.


StlChase

Yes definitely go ask your boss about their sex toys. There is no way that can go wrong


MandoRealtor

I had a boss when I worked at the prison who tried to sell everyone dildos. A bunch bought some.


StlChase

This brings me so many questions


marcus_holtz

I highly doubt female firefighters have a hard time getting some lol the wildland girls were magnets


bzzybot

“You haven’t purchased a dildo in a while, would you like to add one to your cart?” Via Alexa


Helpdeskagent

Did it fit atleast?


stink3rbelle

I wouldn't advise using this dildo. If they aren't *telling* you what's in the dildo, it probably isn't body-safe, or won't be for very long. Most of these softer dildos are made with rubberized/softened plastic, which irritates a lot of people's skin. Even if you're lucky and it doesn't irritate you, it *will* break down over time and leach nasty shit. Best to just avoid. When shopping for an insertable toy, look for body-safe silicon, or an impervious material like metal or glass. I buy from feminist sex shops because they tend to be open about materials and source only safe toys.


ShrunkenHeadNed

I work for one of the USA's largest adult novelty companies and we are very careful about materials. A quick Google search tells me this dildo is made of PVC but gives no other info. If you are shopping for a new toy, made sure that any PVC/TPE/TPR product is clearly marked Phthalate free. Phthalate free products are considered body safe. Reputable manufacturers will say exactly what their products contain, we list a full materials deck on every product we sell. Have good safe fun with all your sex toy purchases!


vingeran

Once I had bought a pack of moisturiser for myself online and got delivered a vibrator instead so I can kinda relate with you OP. It must be hard for you.


glennfromglendale

He sprung for the shirts and got dicked over. I'd be pretty pissed


33Stickers33

If only they delivered the vibrator AND the moisturiser.


Neil_sm

Wow, I’ve never seen so many r/yourjokebutworse replies to one comment!


Pollutine

you make your own moisturizer with the vibe


raginglilypad

So hard


_Grummy_

Hard would be correct


Wonderful-Bear1729

Yup, that was the joke


RevolutionaryStart70

You sly bastard


guinader

Now you have to wear it instead of the shirts... Like a bling


Obvious-Media-5517

Wonder what their return policy is on dildos with open packaging?


MuadDibsAlt

Some stuff you do get a return policy on, but obviously when they get them back they just melt them down because you cannot resell them.


interpretivepants

Gotta have less than 20% crust coverage. With receipt.


wv524

Just remember, when talking about dildos, it's never "your dildo", it's "a dildo". Plausible deniability is paramount here.


[deleted]

[удалено]


herotz33

It does have three uses like 3 shirts if you read the back.


nickatnite07

Never “your” dildo, just… a dildo.


Small_Goat_5931

Hmmm.....for research purposes only what "shirts" do I need to order?


raginglilypad

The ones that say 6” dildo


Suikodenstar

100% cotton


Upper_belt_smash

100% cockon


[deleted]

Apply directly to the anus


HuckFinns_dad

The ones that make Spensers calls you a dick. Hard to tell which ones they are but Spensers sent a clear message


R0naldMcdonald0

Damn is that really 6 inches? Maybe I’ve been lying my whole adult life


[deleted]

[удалено]


oldwhitelincoln

There are often two length measurements. One is called “insertable length.”


wellwaffled

I measure from my back


A-Bit-Of-Everything

ded


gurmzisoff

I remember back in the day on Loveline Dr. Drew said something to Adam about how the spongy material inside the penis actually goes back into your body about the same length as it does outside. So Adam says "Wow, so I'm actually closer to six inches then? That's great!"


[deleted]

This post was an unintentional kick in the knackers for me


JBShy

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0575/7770/1570/products/pd5501-21_03b_720x.jpg Eh, helps next to a can for scale but it definitely still looks big. Cans are 4.8" though, so 6" is pretty accurate.


spacetoad123

You’re lucky! How do you think the person feels who got your shirts


femalefirefighter56

I needed those shirts for a concert I am supposed to go to tonight 😂


spacetoad123

You can go as a unicorn now


nikkuhlee

When I saw Rocky Horror live, Riff Raff has a dildo stuck to his head like a unicorn when he changes into his fancy alien clothes at the end. I can still picture it. It was, Uh, not 6”.


spacetoad123

Its definitely easier with his hair style


Quajeraz

A dildicorn


isitmemaybe

Well they needed that dick for other things tonight and just got your stupid shirts.


TJNel

You need three shirts for one concert?


Flimsygooseys

Go to hot topic


Dingo8MyBabyMon

Looks like you got ​ shafted.


bitemytail

Stop dicking around. OP is in a hard situation.


Zodorkon

Ya'll are pricks


UselessToilet42069

Yeah what a dickhead


Dirtsniffee

I see a vein of humor in these comments


Picklerickshaw_part2

I have a feeling this thread will be so legendary, they shall erect many a statue for it


RespectSerious

Stop acting like a jerk


Reddit-username_here

I had to go balls deep in here to find your comment.


waveslikemoses

OP’s got a boner to pick with whoever was supposed to get this


Iforgorrealbad

This chain is a pain in my ass


KilltheKraken8

So incumsiderate


lomechk01

That’s just the tip of the iceberg!


LilyGaming

Time to have a very awkward call with customer support


femalefirefighter56

Right…I called them and they told me to keep it, I’m getting a refund on my shirts though.


LilyGaming

Well I guess it’s a win win, if you don’t want it give it to someone as a gag gift


femalefirefighter56

I just might because it seems a little too big for myself 😂


RealisticNostalgia

RIP to your DMs lol


femalefirefighter56

Oh god it’s awful right now 😂


Too_pussy_to_kms

Lmao


Delicious_Throat_377

Thank you for saying that. Bless your heart OP


dino-dic-hella-thicc

6" is huge right? Right?!


starfishorseastar

Bruh it’s almost 2 inches wide. That’s the part that’s gonna be a struggle.


TheDankJedi420

You don't know how happy you made me feel by saying 6" seems a little too big!


femalefirefighter56

I’m happy that my comment made you happy :) I doubt this would even fit tbh


cheese_bread_boye

reminds me of that meme "what size pussy you wear" lmao


spenway18

Thats quitter talk! I believe in you!


aroguealchemist

We can’t all be size queens.


[deleted]

63


hungry4danish

You got a free dildo AND a refund. Then I fail to see how this is even mildlyinfuriating.


Oozlum-Bird

As it’s got the suction bit you can stick it on your bathroom tiles and make an amusing towel hook. Don’t ask me how I know this.


_cactus_fucker_

Don't suction it to your forehead to be a unicorn, it will leave a large red or purple circle that lasts for days.


friggintodd

Probably just tell them to go fuck themselves.


smolinga

Why does it look like... So innocent, like... Hallmark brand dick from the ikea clearance isle.


blueeyebling

My first thought was it looks really familiar, after reading this I don't think thats a good thing at all.


baby_blobby

For me, it's the resemblance but with extra 5 inches that really hurts


fakehalo

Now this is a dildo I can relate to, looks respectable and similar to my own. Not 12 inches with extra clit pokers and whatever else.


smolinga

The soccer mom's dildo™


Omni33

Store brand schlong


garmdian

r/brandnewsentence


micatrontx

Amazon Basics


Ethereum-Wind

You may have forgotten to take it out of your basket?


Lobsterboiiiii

Who doesn’t love free dildos?


femalefirefighter56

I was going to a concert tonight and needed those shirts for me and my friends 😭


Lobsterboiiiii

Skip the concert use the dildo for you and your friends, probably be better anyways!


[deleted]

This sounds like a porn plot


Lobsterboiiiii

Not really a porn plot, just my weekend with the Bros


slowjoe12

“Girls, the shirts I ordered for all of us didn’t come in! Instead I got *this*.” *Everybody stares* Background music: *bow-chicka-bow-wow*


ShibitoYakaze123

....the bros?


Lobsterboiiiii

You know, like brothers/best friends?


ShibitoYakaze123

r/suddenlygay


Lobsterboiiiii

It’s not gay, we keep socks on and don’t make eye contact. Perfectly straight and normal thing to do


ShibitoYakaze123

ah ok


Redvsbluequotebot

I like your thinking


ripyourlungsdave

Well guys, I ordered our tickets but it appears I only got six dildos, five tubs of lube and what appears to be a living gimp in the mail. *Guess we'll just have to make do.*


Impstrong

If they were for the band you were seeing someone on reddit said to wear shirts of other bands you're interested in, or other hobbies you have to meet people with other interests you have besides the band you're going to see.


MountainTurkey

Buy shirts at the venue! The band probably gets more money from that anyways.


Cannacology

Think they’re telling you to go fuck your self. Just a hunch.


Dew_DragonTamer6969

I mean they did it just to screw you over, OP. Those cocky bastards. Edit: Grammar


TheNecrostar

Keep the order slip and go in to spencer’s. Depending on the size of shirt, we’ll either exchange it or return your money


slowjoe12

When they ask why you’re returning it, say “poor fit”.


TheNecrostar

As funny as that is, we won’t take back opened/used toys.


Lizaderp

Will you take them up the front?


ricst

Sure you did


ItsMeSatan

What the frick!


BrettAtog

Need a banana for scale.


dowhit

It is Spencer's. I mean don't they just throw in a free 6" dong w/ every order? I'm sure your tee shirts are in a separate box and behind in the post.


blackdutch1

"Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo."


arjunanora

AI Programing native to the POS system sensed your loneliness and substituted what you really need. It's a feature.


Ok_Shelter6614

Even Spencer's is lying about 6 inches.


Loli-is-Justice

That's what she said!


grilledcheese2332

Good to know its strap on compatible


Novel_Development898

Fuck!! That’s what 6” looks like?!?


gahidus

Is this infuriating? It's a free dildo! Hopefully their customer service will hook you up with your shirts still. Did you need the shirts for something urgently?


RampageGamer

The "I bought T-Shirts and recieved a dildo" excuse. Making a reddit post is a nice touch, makes it seem more belivable. So who opened your dildo package?


fancy-kitten

That'll be more fun than 3 shirts


ElJefe0218

The ladies call me 'Sir Cumference'


Splacknuk

Thank goodness that didn't happen to my wife's shipment from Spencer's. She's unaware what an actual 6 inch member looks like, versus what I've told her it was... 👀


DoubleBreastedBerb

“Ordered shirts” 🤣🤣🤣


Competitive-Phone362

They went off your search history and got you what you wanted. Shirts nah heres a dick


bigxxgulp

Pipedream


usernamewithnumbers0

Spencer's is still around?!


Sofarbeyondfucked

Regift


femalefirefighter56

Any takers?


steeplemomma

my birthday was 2 months ago and u didnt get me a present :/


JJungling

r/untrustworthypoptarts


HiroOtomo

A happy accident 😏