T O P

Oh let me adjust it real quick

Oh let me adjust it real quick

CriminyBiscuits

I found the original thread for this post. u/ivisi0n says that they found it on Facebook one day and posted it to the copypasta subreddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/cz2d7z/female_anus_too_close_to_vagina/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share


CaptainMarv3l

See I thought I recognized it as a copypasta


PrincessMonsterShark

I was wondering why it was so upvoted. Makes sense that the poster wasn't being serious, although if the Facebook poster was serious, yikes!


_saniya_

I really don't trust Facebook people anymore


Toast_Sapper

I wish Facebook people didn't trust Facebook people anymore


tirrigania

Facebook people don't trust Facebook people. They only trust Facebook people


CumulativeHazard

I was so confused cause like it’s ridiculous enough to be satire but not quite funny enough to be worth writing as satire, ya know? I’m just gonna try to forget I read it I think.


KiaJellybean

High talk from someone who PEES out of the *exact same appendage* he expects these women to let him stick in them. Like, what kind of design even is that??


ChinaCatSunflower9

When you put it this way, something suddenly clicked for me. Now I kinda understand why so many men (and sadly some women even) think cis female anatomy works the same way and women pee out of their vaginas


broncyobo

Obviously women can't pee at all cause they don't have balls. Like, where would it even come from?


ChinaCatSunflower9

Well, as everyone knows, women don't poop. But I guess we don't pee either, it's just our daily water period lol


broncyobo

Wait I thought period was when women poop


OrangeredValkyrie

It’s why women on period are so angry


Designer_B

Who knows where it comes from. But where is it stored???


I_am_the_Warchief

Cotton eye Joe?


Many-Quote5002

I think its stored in their incredibly close anus.


MinminIsAPan

Female pee is stored in the uterus


panspal

I think its stored in the ovaries. You know, the lady balls.


OrangeredValkyrie

See, this is why prego women are so mad all the time. Need to pee, can’t pee. /s


Hinternsaft

Would that ‘some women’ be a subset of trans women or are there actually some girls who can’t tell where their own piss is coming from


throwawayayaycaramba

I was gonna remark on how our balls are about the same distance from the butthole as the vagina is, but alas, your point is even better.


blahblahloveyou

I mean, depending on how I’m sitting, they’re closer.


jtfriendly

I winced because I've sat them on each other before.


Super_Vegeta

I've only sat on my balls once. But I have squashed them between my thighs fairly often.


Seacab0

Just give them time. Gravity will do its job.


shallowandpedantik

Can confirm. Not a pleasant rite if passage. Source: in my 40s.


bigbangbigrip

Preach, brother!


DetonatingUnicorn

God, testicles sound like such a hassle to have just casually hanging between one's thighs. Idk if it just sounds worse than it actually is.


WynterWulf

Depending on how you're sitting one could be inside the other but hey, what do I know


miezmiezmiez

Also, just the fact that you *have* testicles. Every once in a while I remember that those exist, and I'm just sort of puzzled. I don't think I've ever met anyone who was turned on by them. Cannot say the same for anuses. So, men, time to let it affect your confidence that you're carrying around these appendages that do nothing for anyone and are just sort of *there*


Bill-Cipher3

I'M TURNED ON BY TESTICLES! BUT THEY HAVE TO BE 700 FEET TALL AND SMASHING THROUGH BUILDINGS FIRST!


useles-converter-bot

700 feet is the same as 426.72 'Logitech Wireless Keyboard K350s' laid widthwise by each other.


Ophelia_Grey

Balls with RGB lighting let’s go


DeconstructedKaiju

Balls entertain me a great deal and some can be very attractive! Some are ugly but they are so diverse! Also grabbing a guys balls and looking him dead in the eye while you go down on then and remind them that your teeth are right there and their fragile little balls are too. I'm in control.


miezmiezmiez

Ok let me clarify, they can be fun in much the same way that *any* part of the body can. Like, you can have fun with someone's knee or elbow or earlobe or toes or whatever, but that doesn't make them inherently sexy. But you're right, there is the vulnerability thing, even if it's a bit more abstract than the body part itself being attractive


DeconstructedKaiju

They are a comical weakness.


Spaghettimountaindew

Idk I think their kinda hot. I’m a guy though so I don’t know if that makes a difference.


DrKnowNout

It’s because embryologically, the scrotum roughly correlates with the labia. (Glans = clitoris, foreskin = clitoral hood etc)


TheEmpressDodo

That he expects women to stick in their mouths.


Lifteatsleeprepeat4

It’s strange that this mans hole that he defecates from is the same location from which he speaks and eats


stiletto929

It’s ok though, cause most men just assume women pee out of their vagina. ;)


Frognosticator

I admit, I believed this until college until one of my lady friends corrected me. I remember being fairly baffled until I went and looked it up.


limequartz

Let alone that he'd probably expect women to give him a blowjob too :/


CenturianTale

OH MY GOD YEAH


587BCE

He should be lucky he even gets a special hole. It could have been much much worse.


MaximumEffort433

Do you know what gets me? Women with facial hair. It's like, ladies, you're supposed to be smooth and feminine, yet you go around in public flitting your eyebrows and eyelashes for everyone to see! Sometimes they even highlight them with makeup. You think it looks good, but I see little mustaches, two little mustaches right above their eyes, where I can't ignore them. What, do you enjoy your forehead looking like two 1970's male pornstars? Because that's what your forehead looks like, two male pornstars from the 1970's. You're female, you should look like one! Ladies, please have some decency, shave your eyebrows and pluck your lashes, I'm not gay, I don't need to be thinking about a man's upper lip hair while we're boning it out. Sincerely, Men of Taste


afistfulofthistles

“Two little mustaches right above their eyes” Bless you for this image.


GallantPotatoSupreme

Do you think glorious enough eyelashes could be representative of tiny Ron Swansons?


afistfulofthistles

I know in my heart the answer to this question is yes


Mary674

"pluck your lashes"... *Shudder*


AngryBumbleButt

*Trichotillomania has entered the chat*


RoswalienMath

I used to pull out my eyebrows. It was bad. Therapy helped and I stopped.


AngryBumbleButt

I pull out my hair. I tried therapy as a teenager and ended up with dermatillomania from the therapists suggestions (that I rub my skin instead of pull my hair 🙄). I just got insurance again and if it covers therapy I'm going to try again though. That's awesome you were able to stop! Was there any particular type of therapy that worked best for you?


miasabine

Yeah I had a childhood friend who compulsively did this. She got over it though.


MaximumEffort433

/s I need to wash my keyboard after writing that comment.


_saniya_

What about the hair on my head, Man os Taste? You shouldn't have to see that either, you're not gay. Let me go shave that off real quick too.


Cellyst

A small, well-trimmed and artfully-shaped strip might be worthy of my gaze as well. As long as I don't have to touch it.


Vilerattata

Ah, yes. The mohawk. The most feminine of all hairstyles.


broncyobo

You just made me question my whole reality


miezmiezmiez

What's fucked up is this actually used to be a beauty standard, didn't it? Women also plucked their hairlines in the late middle ages, no traction alopecia needed


eritain

P.S.: Aren't you ashamed enough of your eye-mustaches to let me treat you like a Fleshlight? P.P.S.: Well, are you at least ashamed of not being ashamed of them? P.P.P.S.: Come *on,* surely you can have terrible self-esteem about *something.* Throw me a bone here. P.P.P.P.S.: Heh heh, bone.


teniefshiro

I'm that meme rn: they got us in the first half, not gonna lie 🤣


MxCherryBlue

Don't forget about the hair too, they should be completely bald.


P1r4nha

I'll never look at women the same again after reading this.


Chaosyn

If he thinks fucking women is so gross he can just, y’know, not do it.


FloatingSpaceTrash

How does that change his normal day to day?


Chaosyn

Well, he can at least stop announcing it like it’s the biggest event all year.


Verratos

He's waaaaay ahead of you.


PaladinHan

In the last decade I’ve lost all ability to distinguish parody from actual opinion.


northshorebunny

Does that mean reality has become a parody?


PaladinHan

When hasn’t it been?


northshorebunny

Stop I don’t like this ride


somesortoflegend

We all want off Mr bones wild ride


AngryBumbleButt

Stupid wet skeleton


NoKenjataimu

Nonfiction satire


fireinthemountains

We're definitely in one of the iterations of Hyperreality


stiletto929

Yes, this started in 2016.


PaPiNNNN

Or has parody become reality? **Twilight Zone music intensifies**


thesithman

This HAS to be parody, right??? Anyone got a link


Zyrithian

It's a super common pasta


Serifel90

Italian here, never heard of that pasta.


iSaltyParchment

But pastas usually come from an original, non-ironic comment, right?


Lilz007

r/NotTheOnion certainly helps blur the lines


_saniya_

Man I don't even know what's real anymore


WilliamBlakefan

You know what sqwicks me out about people? Bones. Folks are parading down the street like oh ain't I pretty when just a few inches down they're gross skeletons, practically corpses when you think about it. They should just die of embarrassment so I can jump them.


lydsquad

Just clackety clackin down the street


kestrelesque

thank you for this


genivae

Nah, they're not dry enough for that. It's more of a "plonk-splat".


desmith0719

Thank you so much for that! I needed the laughs these comments have given at a time way too early in the morning when everyone is just too damned serious.


587BCE

Gross skeletons 😅 What about toes?? And then people paint their little toe shells what the?


WilliamBlakefan

None of it is right.


FUCKING_HATE_REDDIT

And teeth? Not only you have gross bones filled with blood and gross human mold, but you have to show them??? To display them like a rabbit? With bits of foods stuck between them? Get those overhyped food processors away from my face please!


lydsquad

The fancy and expensive bones!


Melificarum

And think of all the blood! Just under the skin there is a bunch of blood, and all those gross organs moving that blood around. What is wrong with people thinking they are so hot when all they are are a bunch of differend liquids sloshing together? People should be reminded of this every day so that we can have sex with them.


WilliamBlakefan

Let's face it, people are just squishy sacks with attitude, in denial.


DarkIsiliel

Just remember, you're technically a ghost piloting a meat-puppet through life.


FloatingSpaceTrash

You've managed to make me extremely uncomfortable


stiletto929

“The body was meat. Case fell into the prison of his own flesh.”


illinoisjoe

Relevant: https://youtu.be/7tScAyNaRdQ


Ok_Ranger5995

The human body is utterly disgusting. We're just programmed not to think about or realize it. I can't imagine the horrors of working in the medical field.


high_toned_SOB

Those with testicles shouldn’t throw stones


FloatingSpaceTrash

I love this😂


lickthismiff

I mean it seems like all of this guys dick went into his personality so maybe that's why he's confused?


Brown_phantom

Is he in denial that his asshole is where his mouth is? Edit: thank you for the awards.


PabloPoil

Ohhhhh good burn!


Affectionate_Job_157

This needs an award


Verratos

He does that on purpose to keep it far away from genitalz


mrhammerant

Flawless logic


Curious_Recording_99

Putting that questionable post aside.... they are too close together. Like there is no reason the accidental anal slip should be happening at all. It’s like getting shot in the ass. It’s fucking terrible! Anyways penis looks silly and squishy remind them of this flaw. Males penis should be pretty and perky at all times. Never let them forget that. /s


stiletto929

For one silly second I thought that would be the point of this post - sexcapade accidents.


desmith0719

“It’s like being shot in the ass.” I agree *shudders*


ebolashuffle

They're so close together that the vagina sometimes tears in the anus during childbirth *shudder*


EsotericOcelot

Fun fact to haunt your nightmares, some people tear fully from v to a and sometimes it doesn’t heal and is called a fistula and people in the developing world who do not have access to surgical repair are often ostracized due to it. Thankfully there are nonprofits one can donate to to help provide the surgery


Curious_Recording_99

This is why i refuse to birth a child (plus I don’t like kids). I like my butt hole just how it is. No need for the damages.


TheMelonSystem

Yet a man will expect you to suck his balls which are one inch away from his asshole


sam4246

They even get closer with old age


-twitch-

My favourite thing in the world is seeing a man tell others what a woman is “supposed to be” but isn’t.


FriedaReiss

Oh it just hit me. He Just want a sex doll...with no butthole?


_saniya_

Wait till he finds out what anal is


Alternative-Art3295

Says someone who prob doesn’t even clean their dick, while they got one hole for two things.. hold on- is that why they thought we pee out of our vaginas?


Verratos

Yes, of course. They don't tell third graders anything except that girls have a hole there and well with no penis the pee has to come out somewhere. I used to figure it sprayed out real wide from the wider hole and that's why girls had to sit. If you reach adulthood without figuring it out I'm disturbed but definitely every 6 year old boy thinks girls pee from the vagina.


Alternative-Art3295

I- I am stunned..


FloatingSpaceTrash

Guy here & yes actually. Felt pretty stupid when I learned otherwise in middle school.


Alternative-Art3295

No- 😭😭😭


MrBwnrrific

“Do not forgive them for it,” what a fucking freak lmao


elaynehateaccount

okay then… I guess I’ll just… move my anus….


stiletto929

You should probably just sew it shut. Cause it is totally gross, ya know? /s


shaodyn

"Remind them constantly." About an anatomical feature they neither designed nor asked for? What's that going to do except tell them that you're misogynistic for a really weird reason?


telhasteaze

Men: your asshole is in the exact same place, except you have a hairy ballsack dangling in front of it.


hideous-boy

balls are much more of a design flaw imagine that your one method of procreation can't even be contained safely within the body because your own internal temperature is too high, so instead they have to dangle defenselessly between the legs, constantly at risk of having something terribly painful happen to them and consistently being an uncomfortable nuisance for their bearer


edgybandname

I see your point and I *do* hear it lol. But… I think that the net pain, discomfort, and life-threatening health problems caused by testes is lesser than the same value caused by a uterus and it’s accessories. So I’d take the balls over uterus if my only deciding factor was potential for pain haha


P1r4nha

You'd think for something so essential for our species, both our reproductive systems should've evolved into something less of a bother.


Annoying_Details

Instead we evolved brain chemicals and nerve endings for sex to feel fucking great, to the point that we will literally risk death for it. Great design! No flaws! Surely it was some benevolent creator….lol


KkdDire

Iv been with a few men in my life and a thing I noticed is sometimes the brain is really small.


_saniya_

I need a break from dating


KkdDire

I never get to date


Toabst

Yes, it is wildly uncomfortable for me as well that women do not have testicles to occupy all that free real estate and create a boundary betwixt vagina and anus.


KahloMeMaybe

Upvoted for “betwixt”


Shavasara

Can we discuss G-spot locations next?


chanson-florale

In other words, he’s finally admitting he’s gay.


aduirne

I have dated a guy who loved anus worship. It was his absolute favorite thing to do. I need to let him know that be should have run from the room screaming in horror instead of sticking his tongue in my butt.


throwawayayaycaramba

Ok, so I saw your comment a few minutes after you posted it, right, I scrolled past it as you do, the whole reddit kaboozle, you know? So just now, I was thinking about it, and I thought of this great bit, this great great bit, and I rushed back here to post it; but it turns out I misremembered your exact wording, and unfortunately the bit would only have worked if you had said "anal worship". 'Cause see, I would have come back here, two hours later, I would've highlighted the part where you said "my boyfriend was into anal worship", and then - AND THEN, I would have asked "was he a Trump supporter?" That's it. That's the bit. Have a nice day.


toady-bear

Upvoting not because I understand the punchline but because this is just so human.


kioku119

I don't get the bit.


exyxnx

It still works with anus worship, if that makes you feel better


ismaelt1981

Please, send my free award to this guy you have dated.


aduirne

He told me I had a nice butthole. I should mention that at my next colonoscopy.


joawmeens

You heard him: do not let women forget this flaw #ATTENTION WOMEN!! #YOUR GOOCH IS TOO SMALL!!


tofuroll

Don't forgive women for their anus? Reddit never ceases to up the level of weird.


FloatingSpaceTrash

If it makes you feel any better I decided to see the context for this & it turns out it's just a copypasta post from 2 years ago. If it makes you feel any worse all his comments seemed to be pretty like minded. :\


kioku119

I think they mmwant don't forgive her for ever daring to not despise herself for even a second because she should hate her exiatance in every way shape or form... which isn't better.


CenturianTale

Idk why they complaining, most of them most likely love anal so...???? Also, here let's just.. point out the flaws men have that they can in no way control- Why y'all got nipples? You don't need them- And a brain- (I'm joking, of course. This guy is more than stupid)


iantayls

Am I the only one who finds it so funny that these are always riddled with spelling and grammatical errors? Like they act so pompous and smart yet barely know how to do it right


mouse361

Say I’ve never made a woman come without saying I’ve never made a woman come.


_saniya_

Probably never even took one out on a date with this attitude.


Philip8000

You know, I'd like to think he's just trolling, but that would be giving him too much credit.


Smart_Ass_Dave

Is the poor quality of the image caused by compression artifacts or is it just because the comment is fucking cursed?


NekoAkuma03

You have a wrinkly sac hanging from the same place you pee from and you expect us to want you to stick it in us?


FloatingSpaceTrash

The way your worded that makes it sound like guys are trying to put their balls in you😅😂


Val197854

Posting these things is one strange way to come out of the closet


Wholesome_Soup

Bold words from someone with a floppy tube thing stuck to him. Bodies are weird, just accept it and move on /nbh


aciakatura

Same vibe as that post about that guy who got turned off by realising that girls also poop, aka a completely normal human bodily function, for goodness sake we're not some other species


mollymcbbbbbb

lol, we’ll get right on that, dude.


StepIntoMyOven_69

This is absolutely fucking funny


Dastankbeets1

I just think he’s projecting about his mouth being indistinguishable from his asshole


invot

I can put my ball skin in my butthole but pop off about vaginas being too close. Sure.


Tele_O

Imagine this dude being in the middle of fucking with one if the “few women” he has been with. “One sec babe, I need to do something real quick” Gets out a tape measurer and is like “wow, your asshole is incredibly close to your pussy, that’s kind of gross”


Slammogram

So… he’s gay? Also, men, you also have an asshole very close to your genitals. Tf?


Caboose_Juice

Fuck me im hoping this is satire but I’m afraid it isn’t, I’ve met guys who think like this. Why is it so hard to view women as just people.


fanofu4sure

I agree with you. It’s a weird perspective that someone is taking and running with it for the sole purpose of trying to degrade and humiliate women.


miasabine

It is indeed satire.


refuge9

I could feel brain cells whither and die as I read that. The stupid was so strong in that, that it stole the breath from my lungs, and gave me asthma. FFS there is no end to how stupid some people are.


WONDERLESS169

Tell me you're an incel without telling me you're an incel


BetterRemember

I often question whether straight men actually like *anything* about women or our bodies. As a bisexual woman, I have only been able to be intimate with a single male in my life. I am far more carefree about women because I don't have to fear the stench of **unwashed ass and crusty ballsack,** I have never heard such horror stories about women as I have about males. This poor hate-filled freak can't even appreciate a pussy in his face and I pity him for that. The misogynist brainwashing really destroyed his enjoyment of the finer things in life lmao.


niftygnomesyndrome

Male Anus too close to p*nis Hi, I’ve been with a few men in my life and one thing I’ve noticed is that the male anus is incredibly close to the p*nis, in fact they’re barely an inch apart. I’m not sure about other girls- but doesn’t this disturb you? It feels like a design flaw in men actually— like they’re supposed to be so masculine and handsome yet this ghastly oversight is ruining everything. Somehow it feels to me that men should be more aware of this flaw and it should affect their confidence. Whenever I see a so-called handsome man walking down the street so care-free thinking he’s all that I just remember his anis is only 1 inch away from his p*nis and laugh him into oblivion. Men: please accept that they’re too close together, let it negatively affect your confidence and so make yourselves more readily available sexually as a result. After all, we’re going to have to sleep with a creature who’s ANUS is only 1 inch away from the p*nis— you should not make this difficult. It’s unappetizing enough as it is. We’re doing you a favor. Women: do not let men forget this flaw, and do not forgive them for it. Remind them of it constantly lest they get inflated egos and think they’re all that. It’s just too close together, sorry, but it’s true.


gitgyudnewb

Tell me you're actually gay without telling me you're actually gay.


Tylendal

[It's the only way to do it.](https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/parts)


phallecbaldwinwins

Holy incel, Batman.


sashacube

Better not tell him that birds and lizards have cloacas, eh?


Terinekah

He's just upset cause his arsehole is less than an inch below his nose.


MikeHatSable

Negging women as an entire gender. How are you not throwing yourselves at this man?


theworldisnotquiet

I had to tie myself to my chair ;-)


Pale_Towel_1271

Want to talk about design flaws. Why the hell is my oxygen hole so damn close to my food hole!?!?! Real intelligent buddy


girl_im_deepressed

Where'd he expect it to be?? Mid crack? On one of the cheeks?? Literally where tf else would it be


FloatingSpaceTrash

If I got to design human bodies it would be asymmetrically placed on the back towards the middle of the spine similar to a blowhole on a whale. 🐳 It's probably best I'm not a God yet....


TheBrokenMoth

"Yet" what exactly are you planning there u/FloatingSpaceTrash???


Verratos

Just below the belly button


KaliCalamity

He thinks about assholes way too much to be straight.


KahloMeMaybe

Um. Wow.


Neon-Seraphim

What the fu…


OKDanemama

I’d like to know what his redesign would look like. Where would the anus go?


fanofu4sure

Exactly. He has no re-design. It’s just a ridiculous thought that he is weaponizing to hurt people


SopranosBluRayBoxSet

This is a copypasta, calm down


thyrandomninja

Oh what with human anatomy being so *famously* sublime and prefect with no problems whatsoever, this one quirk that definitely only affects women really does "ruin everything" /s


TROLLDATSHIT

Pretty sure this is a joke


dildodicks

obvious satire is obvious


reticular_formation

This has to be trolling


BlameItOnChloe

Something tells me he doesn’t eat ass


ConnorDZG

Man that's a lot of words just to say "No one will fuck me"


MalsPrettyBonnet

Kind of picky from someone whose anus and brain are in the same place, don't you think?