T O P
Sydeburnn

Woah, looks like you just dodged a big old Ryan-shaped bullet.


Ambitious-Bread-38gh

Nobody waits for five minutes.


Steve_Austin_OSI

Could you imagine? Just sitting there, staring at the rolls. TO distracted by the want for roll to hold a conversation. Just.. tick..tock...tick...tock....tick......tock I suspect he got this from his parent, which makes me feel bad for him, because they would have to had been a terrible childhood.


Nebardine

He's probably never even tasted a warm roll.


tinmanbroken

Is that a euphemism? 😉


WholeMassive9338

It is now


NotoriousFTG

Right. If that bread is still warm and butter will still melt on it, you pounce IMMEDIATELY. If the bread is good enough, you don’t need an entree. Who makes a rule like that?!?!?


TubbyTimothy

Anyone who can’t question their parents’ bullshit bread rules is undateable and unfuckable


FaeryLynne

He was probably told you have to wait 5 minutes because he and/or his siblings would grab all the rolls and leave none for anyone else at the table


ohgeereadmore

Yeah well he needs a therapist but he probably thinks he doesn’t


BlooomQueen

Ikr? Why wait? So they can be fucking STONE COLD?!! Ryan is a major asshole.


Blackjack_Sass

Fr! You gotta eat them when they first get there so the butter melts in all toasty like and then you sink your teeth in to the soft, now butter-soaked bread... 🤤


Easy-Concentrate2636

The rolls are definitely sexier than Ryan.


XPLODUS

After that imagery hell yeah they are. I'm glutensexual now.


ghandi3737

I'd take a roll up the arse before I let Ryan in there.


foxyfoo

Not if you say “no gluto” after.


Commercial-Spare-429

This was done before: Over 300,000 people participated in this online poll about when you can reach for the breadbasket A huge 97.3 per cent answered "no" (waiting) while only 2.7 per cent said "yes". https://www.tyla.com/tasty/food-and-drink-how-long-should-you-wait-before-eating-free-restaurant-bread-20210708


Greedy-Needleworker7

well thats odd, because 97 and the unfortunate third of a person here, say eat the damn things.


Raytheon_Nublinski

“You must wait til the soft warm delicious bread gets cold and hard.” -Ryan Fuckface


rubyellie

Just like his heart


hobosonpogos

You'd know!


silasoulman

He doesn’t like his victims stuffed, he’s trying to go low carb. She really did dodge a whole lot of unhappiness.


[deleted]

r/ryan would like to to make it clear that we want nothing to do with him.


toricoon

I met a Ryan on tinder. My sister told me: a dude named Ryan is bad news. She dated a Ryan which went bad. The tinder guy and I went out, we made plans to hang out on my birthday then he ghosted me only to reappear a few days later. It doesn’t seem like bumble Ryan is any better lol. If you’re named Ryan and not a douchebag, I’m sorry you’ve been lumped in with these tools.


iamjackslackoffricks

Ryan is a fucking tool. You eat that free bread and ask for more


bumbumofdoomdoom

God damn right you do, then you struggle to finish your mains cos of all the free bread but you still order dessert


greenthumbgal924

Rip that shit outta the basket before it’s even placed on the table


Reatona

I wait next to the kitchen door and tackle the server as soon as they come out with the bread. It's the only way, really.


InitiativeOptimal619

I watch through the kitchen doors, then run and yank it out of the pan as soon as they open the oven door


ohhhhhmijo

I tend to eat the raw dough right as it arrives into the restaurant. That way nobody gets fresher bread than I do


CastleGarten

i like to personally drive to the factory in which such dough is made and eat the yeast so that i can get the purest version of the bread


Maebure83

I sit in my bathtub in the dark and chug molasses.


deeeznotes

I am eating the guy who wrote the recipe right now.


Verona_Pixie

I'm currently slobbing on that guy's dad's knob. I have to get that original recipe.


Reflection_Secure

This is the best thread I've ever read. Put a pin in it. Perfect!


NullRad

I am that guy’s dad’s knob.


mellomymarsh

I went back in time to before he was conceived and emptied his fathers balls into my mouth.


Allegorist

Nah, I perform photosynthesis to steal the sunlight from the grain for the flour before the farmer even plants it


PopeyesCanSpinach

You dive in on that yeast, I’ll be downing that flour like there ain’t no tomorrow


ludog10

I prefer to travel back in time and eat the person that invented bread so I can taste the idea straight from the source.


GreenVeldt

I go to the wheat fields and grind the flour myself


misschzburger

This whole convo is solid gold. 🍞


Chronicles_of_Gurgi

I kneaded this.


MindlessAd9668

It'll bake in my belly


rimjobnemesis

That’s nothing. I chew on wheat stalks.


BrownMamba85

I like to bust in the kitchen and Tony Montana the dam flour and rub that yeast on my teeth


greenthumbgal924

I disagree. Gotta make the server surprised, but ok. I always make them fumble the basket. That way it doesn’t cause a mess, they’re surprised; but not scared. No one even knows anything happened


Divinepyramid

And then you get to take the leftovers home for lunch!


sehustoft

I go to Red Robin and get a burger and bottomless fries, I just eat the hot fries until I’m full and take the burger home.


believeyourownmagic

I go to Olive Garden and eat all the soup and bread and then take my food home. It’s called budgeting 😅


Advance-Puzzleheaded

And then she makes you drive her to church the next morning. Like, gas ain't free lady!


Remarkable_Story9843

Cries in Celiac. You better devour that bread for those of us who can’t!


dannyd1337

Can’t just jump into the meal without a couple rounds of bread to warm up. That’s how you get cramps.


MrDrPresBenCarson

Yo that’s what leftovers are for and then u can eat ur main for breakfast the next day!


uncitronpoisson

You take at least half your main home under the guise of having it for lunch the next day, when in reality you slither to the fridge and inhale it through an air straw at 2am while you’re crying trying to figure out if the date went well.


jiggsmca

I hate when the server takes the second round of bread away after the meal without even asking. Like dude, there’s 2 pieces left and I am sure going to think about eating them even though I’m stuffed and going to box up half my dinner. #norollleftbehind


einalem13

What?! This is insane. Once the bread hits the table it’s mine. You can’t just take it back! Who does this?! Do they reuse it?


CowboyAirman

>Do they reuse it? If it’s run by the same guy that owns this hotel I’m in, absolutely. Dude straight asked if I drink coffee so he could take all that stuff out of my daily “snack pack”. Then asked if he could print my documents double sided, and the a/c unit is literally the cheapest unit from Amazon with like 1 star rating. It’s a Red Roof Inn but geez dude.


Deathbeddit

Great for dabbing what’s still on the plate after leftovers are boxed…


solstice_gilder

Shove it in that bag!!!


YawgmothsFriend

reminds me of that post about someone who's date got angry at them for finishing their salad


kahunaa789

Sorry what?


tookuayl

I had to use the Wayback Machine since the post was deleted. I hope this works. [Tinder post](https://web.archive.org/web/20220806164340/https://i.redd.it/4yrl2un6f4g91.jpg)


_G_Aster

Whaaat the hell, who thinks like that?


BlackConverse020

My ex. He got mad at me once because I finished my soup at an Olive Garden.


_G_Aster

I'm glad you said ex and not boyfriend. Being mad because someone eats is naaasty


roth_dog

Remember the timeless wisdom. *Take all you want, but eat all you take*


Arkadoc01

I get upset when my wife doesn’t eat. She has some problems with eating and weight and I try to encourage her to eat as much as she can.


Moparded

Dude would be furious at me then… I’m asking for a straw with my soup.


Der_BiertMann

Stupid effing assholes and toxic cross-fit gym men who think a salad is going to make a woman fat. Damn, I wouldn’t bat an eye unless she ate a whole rotisserie chicken in one sitting ***and*** asked for another.


frozentundra32

I would eat a whole rotisserie chicken *while making very intense eye contact and grunting as an answer to all questions.* **Power move. Establish dominance** 🤣


Der_BiertMann

Eye contact and grunting. Yes please!


aDragonsAle

One humans yuck is another humans yum. Get you some


conker1264

I’m a gymrat, a girl can eat whatever the fuck she wants. Plus a salad is barely any calories to begin with


Silver-Market-2612

Yep! I used to be super fit and worked out multiple times a day. I was the smallest I had ever been and also ate the most I ever had. I used to eat 7 eggs for breakfast and had a 6 pack (*edit to add I meant abs, not beer LOL*). Now I am overweight and have salads for lunch 😂. In my case I actually developed a thyroid disease due to hormonal changes during pregnancy. But my point is that its not all about what you eat. Some of the most in shape women can out eat the average man because they are lifting serious weight. This guy sounds like an idiot.


HSomDevil

7 eggs and a 6 pack for breakfast. *furiously taking notes*


CrabbyT777

Waiter, what beer goes best with a 7 egg scramble?


AdamKur

Once you have 6 beers it's basically any.


Si_senorita

Lol all I could think of is Gaston from beauty and the beast


ilja1995

Not really true. Salads that most restaurants serve have plenty of calories added usually. Everyone can still eat all those calories, everyone can eat what they want. Just not true dlthay it is barely any calories.


demon__dog

I'd have told him if any more words come pouring out of his c*nt mouth, I'd have to eat every chicken in the room


sadosrsplayer

Also, eating more is an indication that she feels comfortable in the situation! Clearly wrong with this cunt though


ThePhantomPhe0nix

If she can eat a whole ass chicken and still want another, I need that girls number asap 😂


Ricky_World_Builder

it's a dating strategy called negging. insecure men need to use it. The goal is compliment insult compliment. It's supposed to keep them happy but also keep them from feeling like they're better than you and just walking away. when preformed "properly," not like he did, it will work as a manipulation tactic on insecure girls. generally it's the weak and insecure who feel the need to put others down.


D62500d

Are you fucking kidding me? He almost exploded? Why type of psychotic, controlling piece of shit is he?? O.o She was lucky he sent her that message before it went on for a second date.


Awkward_Bee_7265

Actually a blessing that he didn’t waste any more of her time. That also makes me think he’s just crazy


secondtaunting

Jesus what a psycho. It’s a SALAD. Fuck. Who wants such a controlling piece of shit?


PM_Literally_Anythin

I can tell you’re gonna get fat soon because you ate *checks notes* a salad


snorri600

Does he expect her to subsist solely off sunlight and water, is my question


wheresmymeatballgone

I kinda thought he meant exploded as in he was really full so how did she eat that much. If he meant it the angry way that's even more fucked up.


kahunaa789

Fuck me 🤣


tookuayl

I bet she even drank the entire glass of water to wash down that enormous salad. /s


Nanahamak

Can you believe that women eat? And they want to drink things too? What's next? Breathing?


FartingNora

Women definitely don’t fart.


Roxnamunen

Absolutely disgusting. I will never be with a female who defecates. The whole reason my last girlfriend and I split was because I found out she did, in fact, poop. For months I had suspected something suspicious. Every time we had ethnic cuisine, she would act very odd, especially afterwards. I would try to cuddle with her and fondle her, only to have my advances rejected and her leaving the room. It all came to a head one day when I came home early from work. As usual I wanted to take my shower, but there on the couch, was my girlfriend pleading with me to wait a bit before I cleansed myself. Well, fuck that. I wasn't going to wait another second to purify myself under my brand new showerhead. It then got even more strange. The closer I got to the bathroom the more nervous she became. At one point she even stood directly in front of the door, blocking me. When I finally was able to enter the room, I was horrified at my discovery. It smelled like shit, and not my shit either. No, this was a different, unknown aroma. So here I am, nose deep in an awful smell, my girlfriend next to me crying. I get PISSED. I ask her where the guy is, who he is and how long this has been going on. All she does is look back at me with tear-filled eyes and confusion as she asks what I'm talking about. I then notice the toilet is clogged and at this point I'm screaming at her about whose feces lay in my toilet bowl. Finally, after what seemed like aeons, she broke down, looked me straight in my eyes and said "babe, it's mine. I told you spicy food doesn't agree with me. " Well, that's all I could handle. I was really hoping she would pull the shower curtain back to reveal a naked man, but instead all I got was an admission that my once beautiful and dainty girlfriend had desecrated my porcelain throne with her dirty whore feces. Needless to say, I packed my belongings up instantly and never looked back. Be careful who you trust.


SqualidCretin

Nice try Nora. Nice try


Imaginary-Redditor

But she was ‘Spose to have butterflies and shit’


BonnieMcMurray

You already know we don't fart. So if air's not coming out then it's reasonable to assume that it shouldn't be going in either.


yellsy

“Greedy for food”… wow


OG_Felwinter

I believe the term he was looking for is ‘hungry’


Element-710

Maybe they just know how much they can eat, and dont over order like the tool comparing food eaten. Like did he want her to waste the food? Would he have gotten mad if she took home left overs?


Adowyth

You got to a restaurant and pay for the food and then you're supposed to just not eat it all? What kind of stupid ass logic is that.


Aardvark318

Lol, what a shit stain.


poopy0wb0y

“you was pose to have butterflies n shit” LMAO


LissaMasterOfCoin

Thank you! So many people were hung up on the salad and how it may or may not have had too many calories. How did they miss this too? These 2 combined proved that she could have ate just spinach and kale, but it would have been too much. She was “spose” to fall in love at first sight and lose all appetite! The nerve of this person.


i_eat_yo_feet12

I would be actually more concerned if she didn't eat up, i had this once on my first date eating ice cream. I mean it was her idea to go eat ice cream, i bought a huge fucking cup of ice cream for her and she's barely even going to touch it? Even the waiter was a little offended, but i guess she just fell in love with me and lost all appetite lmao


TerrariaGaming004

“How could you be so hungry?”


dmikalova

I always wondered wtf people meant by its so hard for men to understand women... it all makes so much more sense now.


weeniewobble

You was pose to hav butterflies n shit


F_Major_Chords

On one hand it makes me angry that the dude is so openly a douchebag. Like its on purpose, as of he lost a bet and had to break it off with this girl On the other, thats good that he carries around his own red flags so people know to stay tf away.


AppUnwrapper1

This can’t be real???


FlexRVA21984

Who tf is that waste of space?! Lmfao!! That shit for brains can barely speak English 🤣


DoesHeLookLikeAPunk

That guy comes across as a Narc, lol.


shawster

He almost exploded because she finished a whole salad… and she even knew he mea prepped!


winter-ocean

Who the fuck shames someone for eating a salad? Like, it's no wonder more people are becoming anorexic. That's toxic as hell.


TheShortGerman

As someone in recovery from anorexia, men like this exist irl, not just memes, and they're fucking disgusting. I'd be so crushed and then pissed off if I received this text. I can't imagine if my date or partner was policing my food like this.


nangatan

I had a friend who dated an ass like this for a while. She was super skinny already. But he'd do things like scrapping the cheese out of her burrito because it had too much fat, and only letting her have 3 chicken wings and half a beer when we went out for wings and beer night. I ended up nearly getting in a fight with him (I'd have won, he was a scrawny POS) Two days later, she came to stay with me. Took her out for massive enchiladas and churos. Edit to add: this was about 5 years ago. Now she's finishing a college degree and is an amazing artist. Like absolutely amazing.


aDragonsAle

Sounds like his weakass couldn't lift a human sized woman, so shamed them into being skeletal. Bro, just hit the gym til you can pick up ya girl and throw her on the bed... /real gym goals


JonBenet_BeanieBaby

wtf I hate him you're dope tho


Ash-MacReady

Ryan needs to shut the fuck up.


sophia1185

Seriously, like what's he smoking?


Ash-MacReady

Dude has no joy in his life.


Minimum_Reference862

He only has joy when he's smoking the bread he took in under 5 minutes :(


RobbinMikeOrmaza

To this day, it says that Ryan is still on bumble


jensen0173

I can’t believe people like this actually exist how dare you judge me by the speed in which I reach out for the bread


bambishmambi

I feel like maybe his joy is leeching it from others by shaming them for things like, you know, eating hot fresh bread that was brought to you! What kind of women would dare enjoy herself in front of him? Not on his watch!


justsomedude1144

Nothing... that's why he has no inclinations to eat the rolls.


chachachanclas

haha love this!


Ryoko_Kusanagi69

He’s NOT smoking, that’s the problem. Wait 5 mins before touching the bread!? It will get cold by then. This guy doesn’t know how to eat


beatenwithjoy

One of the simplest joys in life is enjoying moist warm bread, dude doesn't know how to live.


ShadowsDoMyBidding

Nothing good cuz he waits for rolls


lockedoutofmymainrdt

Not that good shit if hes waiting 5 minutes to eat the bread


Alpinepotatoes

Sounds like Ryan isn’t getting any bread then because everyone knows if it’s not all gone in five minutes you lose


Everybodysbastard

Maybe if he ate some bread he wouldn't use his mouth to say such stupid shit.


vizzyq

5 continuous minutes of unbreaded Ryan is way too long.


DannyTheCaringDevil

Seriously, lukewarm bread-eating psycho.


Melloncollie912

Bumble is a stupid last name anyway.


Bridge-etti

Fitting though since he really bumbled that date.


deliciousmushroom123

he’s probably joking lol. I refuse to believe a real human reacts like that


H_alcyon

The last part makes it sound like satire


Jausti018

It was a big thing on Twitter a few months ago. Some girl seriously tweeted about how “if you don’t wait five minutes before eating the free bread you’re classless. If you’re really that hungry you should’ve eaten a snack before coming out to dinner”. She rightfully got torn to shreds for it, and now people say it as a meme. 99% chance this dude is making a joke.


Shandlar

A funny one too. People take their shit way too seriously. This is the perfect level of absurd to be obviously a joke, while also being a super light hearted subject matter. It's hilarious.


Felonious_Slug

I really hope so. I'm going to choose to believe you're right.


Rabid_Stitch

To be fair, she could have genuinely cookie-monstered those rolls.


NeighborhoodLevel342

Ha! I devour as many carbs and proteins and fats as the tavern wench puts in front of me, and wash the grease down with a stout ale. Should my date partner best me in this feast, then he is worthy and he shall receive mine WAP. If he may act like a little bitch like Ryan, however, I drink my stout from his skull. Anyway, that’s how I met my husband.


Rabid_Stitch

Lol, He’s a lucky and brave man!


justabeardedwonder

The steam from the loins of NL342 could iron a shirt or caust the faces of their enemies. HUZZAH!!


AlexandriaLitehouse

Hawt


Rabid_Stitch

I also feel attracted to you


Shalarean

Wow...eh-hem "Hey, last night was fun but after watching you ignore the rolls for five minutes after they came to the table, I don't think I want to continue this. Everyone knows you eat the rolls while they're hot and as soon as they come to the table, and then get more while you wait to the appetizers and main course before ending with ~~desert~~ dessert." Edit for spelling...LMAO


kaboodlesofkanoodles

You will be miserable after and everyone will agree it was worth it death comes for us all


Cable_Upstairs

Yeah, if that shit ain't leaving 3rd degree burn marks in my mouth, I don't want it.


fujidust

Yeah, like, I’m here to eat!


Steve_78_OH

Hey guys, look at this loser who goes to restaurants looking to eat food! What a tool...


SynthesisNexus

Wow. I heard that eh-hem as Dolores Umbridge and that coloured this whole retort. It sort of also makes it a hundred times better with that sickly sugary tone. Umbridge for the win, for once. I don’t know how to feel about that.


MASTER-0F-NONE

This is the correct response


swagmaster_127

Fuck that, you have to eat the bread as fast as possible as it's still fresh and soft. When you leave it in the open for some while it becomes hard!


a_different-user

this! my coworker saw my speed eating some little Caesars and looked at me all weird. i had to explain that this was one of those rare occasions when you get a good reheated slice from little Caesars and it only really had 3-4 more minutes before the cheese turned into cold rubber.


Siphyre

Lil ceasers is only good when absolutely fresh.


dawgsgoodjortsbad

https://me.me/i/kie-ran-danblackroyd-little-caesars-its-hot-and-its-ready-me-8af0dccfd9b24bde84d0a8a17e939abf


Lorem-Oopsum

“Fresh??” Excuse me! It’s “Hot and Ready™” You heathen!


Steve_Austin_OSI

Well, not as bad as when it's cold.


Orb99

Bro when it hits the table its at its warmest, only an idiot lets it cool completely. You need that butter to melt down nicely


Chet_Awesomelad

Yeah I'm willing to bet that Ryan was told this rule as a kid because his mum was worried the bread would be too hot for his little kid mouth. Either that or it was because his skungy little ass would wolf down all the bread before anyone else could finish their current conversation and grab some for themselves.


Orb99

Oddly specific lol but possible


[deleted]

Ryan has been eating cold hard bread all his life


andre_royo_b

Where did they get this bread? The bread museum!?


FoilHattiest

Probably at the toilet store.


wisdom_of_trees

Imagine this energy in the bedroom. Ryan can't bring it.


Bomberman1117

Ryan’s got it backwards. The bread needs to be *gone* in five minutes.


InevitableHunt5074

If any of the bread is still on the table 5 minutes later I'm sick and shouldn't be in public. The 5 minute mark is when I'm hoping the wait staff is about to drop a second batch.


IDontKnowHowToPM

Right? There’s the “we just sat down and are munching while chatting” rolls, there’s the “oh you just took our drink order let’s munch while they get our drinks” rolls, there’s the “we should have been reading the menu but we were too busy eating the rolls please give us a minute to decide” rolls, the “better eat some rolls I bet the entrees take a while to come out” rolls, can’t forget the “I’ll have a roll with my entree” rolls, and of course the “do we want dessert” rolls, and the “well dessert is almost here but we don’t want to leave these last rolls in the basket might as well finish them” rolls. And naturally the “let’s take a couple of rolls home for tomorrow but really we’ll eat them in the car” rolls.


AyoRobo

I'm glad we all agree that Ryan is the worst and also wrong about breadiquette.


Acetamnophen

Breadiquette is now my new favorite word lmao


TheQuinnBee

He's so universally hated that even when you sort by controversial the comments are scathing.


No-Childhood-2912

More like in 5 mins I am asking for more free bread


[deleted]

wtf kind of comment is that? xD like damn , Id be eating the "free" bread, that you still paid for by dining there...


Major_R_Soul

You go ahead and wait five minutes, but don't complain to me when the bread is gone. I'll be too full of free bread to care.


WildResident2816

Ladies: y’all can do better than Ryan, don’t listen to that garbage mouth.


ALL_THE_WEIGHTS

As a member of the Council of Ryans, we do not claim this man. If that’s what he even is.


Ho3n3r

Wait 5 minutes? What, are you drunk? They're gone in 3.


ActuallyIAmIncorrect

George Costanza has entered the chat.


JBPorkChopExpress

Hey, last night was "fun" Ryan. But after watching you blow your load as soon as I got naked I dont think i want to continue this. Everyone knows you need to last long enough to actually make it into my temple


ieatassHarvardstyle

I'll admit I'm terrible at relationships but it seems if a girl I was on a date with clawed at free rolls with reckless abandon, I would consider that a check on the wife material list.


Usagi_Shinobi

Fuck this guy. The second that warm brown bread comes out, you section that bitch out and spread the butter while it's still hot.


Kendakr

If you don’t immediately grab a piece I am grabbing one for you and placing it on your plate. I am a gentleman.


sadpotatertot

Fuck you Ryan. I want hot buns.


Waste-Experience-963

Dodged a bullet there. 100% guarantee Ryan doesn't eat pussy if he's abstaining from the bread for any amount of time.


MYO716

C’mon Ryan, everyone knows those rolls are in danger the SECOND they’re placed on the table.


dsdvbguutres

That's not what you said when you were getting your salad tossed, Mr. Bumble


Spotted_ascot_races

Voices in your head = ‘everyone knows’


outlawpickle

Once when I was like 13 or 14, it was Thanksgiving at my grandmas house, and I ate the entire basket of rolls. Eventually someone else reached for a roll and was like “Where’s the rolls?” And now I’ve never been able to live down that story. But I don’t feel shame, I just want more rolls!


WearSPFBoo

Good riddance.


thecartoonrobot

It's always best when they proudly wave their red flag in your face from the start. Fuck you, Ryan.


Conscious_Wave8397

You can wait 5 minutes. We might have more by then


FriskyWhiskey_Manpo

5 minutes means cold-ass bread. I can be miserable at home. Why take it out with me?


RAD13482

**RUN**


One-With-The-Air

This man gatekeeping free bread


Wario1984

Ryan is completely wrong. You get up from the table and get the bread basket from the servers station if it doesn't come fast enough. You stare down the server and establish dominance if you have to do it twice.


bobmueler3

Your telling me people prefer cold bread?