God, I hate that. Parents like to act all cool and understanding and stuff but when it's about their own children (aka themselves by extension) they show their paws. I have gone through this myself. I advice speaking to someone in the extended family that one parent listens to and respects. Influencing one parent can help get the other one to accept it. Try looking from their prespective and seeing if there are any "hidden" other reasons. Be firm and stand your ground. May Allah bless you with that man if he's good for you in this life, your religion, and the hereafter, and vice versa

jazakAllah khair, I genuinely appreciate your response. there is somebody i could speak to, and i will definitely try to go through to them. if all else fails i will probably contact an imam. may Allah bless you and jazakAllah again

You're welcome sister. Jazaki Allah Khairan

Just show them this: Ahmad (22978) narrated from Abu Nadrah: Someone who heard the khutbah of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) on the second of the days of at-Tashreeq told me that he said: “O people, verily your Lord is One and your father is one. Verily there is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab or of a non-Arab over an Arab, or of a red man over a black man, or of a black man over a red man, except in terms of taqwa. Have I conveyed the message?” They said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) has conveyed the message.

And what has that to do with inter-racial marriage? This is 100% right. But what has that to do with it.

It shows, that they can’t reject a potential spouse for their children just because of his/her ethnicity or nationality.

I cant make it out of the text. It didnt say anything abt marriage. Just abt different People arab non-arab, black not-black. But not specifically in the context of marriage. And i see also a lot of People saying that interracial marriage is entouraged in islam. But then no evidente to back up that claim. I have not seen that is encouraged and also not discouraged.

Bro its not that hard to understand. Our prophet ﷺ literally said that no one is superior over another, when it comes to race/ethnicity. It’s not necessarily related to marriage, but rather how we should treat other people especially muslim brothers and sisters. Nonetheless, a parent can’t reject someone because of their race or ethnicity if they are a pious, practices Islam, is mature enough, financially stable etc. Looking at your other comments, it seems like you’re kinda obsessed with race/ethnicity etc. Do you got a specific question?

Do not ever show this to your mother OP. You will be chewed and spat out. Trust me. Get someone else who she respects more to show this to her. But the best thing is to not show it to her at all if it can be helped. A hadith quote has never dispelled arguments in those who are ~~racist~~ conservative

My mum did the same. Was all cool with it until she foudn out she was asian. She went off about "what if your babies look asian??". Needless to say it didnt work out anyways for other reasons, but my advice would be to try and reason with your parents and if you can get an imam to talk to them. Racism is no good and your parents are really not doijg themselves a favour islamically by doing this to you. Theyre supoosed to look at character and deen. If he fits those, your parents have no right to begin introducing what people you find attractive and all the other stuff. Just make sure you can handle the cultural differences. Inshallah may Allah swt help you and all of us.

I think it’s haram for parents to do that, I think that’s what Mufti Menk said

Is the sole reason because of ethnicity? Could the parents have another valid reason that they feel may cause troubles or unhappy marriage down the line? You may have the ethnicity issue at the forefront but is this the only reason? Please advise your parents about this Hadith below. There are some valid reasons for denying a prospect and invalid reasons. If the reasons are invalid they (as will we all) be in front of Allah one day and will have to justify our actions. I wouldn’t want to be in front of Allah having blocked hallal marriage for personal prejudices or invalid justifications. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: (إذا خطب إليكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه؛ إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض، وفساد عريض) رواه الترمذي Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: “The Prophet (May Allah exalt his mention and protect him from imperfection) said: “When someone proposes marriage to one of you whose religion and character pleases you, then you should let him marry. If you do not do so, there will be tribulations in the earth and the proliferation of corruption.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhi, Book of Marriage, Number 1084, Silsilatou al-ahadith as-Sahih, 1022 – authenticated by al-Albânî) Commentary: The hadith mentions two aspects to look for when there is a marriage proposal: Religion AND character (morality). Not only religion and not only character. What is required is a complete Muslim personality. Allah Alim. Source: Internet Site https://www.salaattime.com

i think i lost the women of my dreams because of a caste issue. We both are from the same country, however she has a royal/wealthy last name while i have the complete opposite. Hence, it may not work as the parents may not accept.

Are u muslim? in islam no race is superior than other

Yes I’m Muslim so is she but it’s a “culture” ig

Pakistani and Arab have a very tribal system.

It doesn't exist much any more among Pakistanis in the West and I think it will eventually be the same in Pakistwn itself.

Broh castism is in hinduisim. Are you from india ?. No way . I m sad for you

From Pakistan man

I m sad for u anyways thats haram to do that. If you wver find someone doing that advice them. May Allah swt bless you

If they don’t have a valid reason I believe you can go to your local iman as your wali

If you're Somali I would say we are family oriented people. You sort of marry the family as well as the girl. I have seen many in-laws ruin what could've been a perfect marriage. Perhaps your parents see incompatibility between the extended families. And I know this sub loves to tell people to ignore their parents. I would advice against doing it lightly. There are other men out there but your parents aren't easily replaced.

If parents are refusing a potential on a haram basis (ex: racism, tribalism, etc.) they should absolutely be ignored.

exactly. I really cant stand tribalism in my community. Yes, i'm fully aware of which one im from, but why does it matter? all it does is separate us and we cant even manage to be one country, less alone part of the ummah.

Many ethncities are endogamous, and families prefer to stay with own people who speak same language where families can be closer knit and a spouse who's lineage etc is well known etc Parents desiring children to marry within own ethnicity or ethnicities closest to own is not racist in that regard. Marriage is not permissible and is not valid except with a wali, according to the majority of scholars, because of the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “There is no marriage without a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Majaah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from the hadeeth of ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ 7557. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709. The woman’s guardian is her father; then her paternal grandfathers, no matter how far the line of ascent reaches; then her son and his sons, no matter how far the line of descent reaches (this applies if she has a son); then her (full) brother through her father and mother; then her (half) brother through her father only; then their sons, no matter how far the line of descent reaches; then her paternal uncles; then their children, no matter how far the line of descent reaches; then the father’s paternal uncles; then the ruler. (al-Mughni 9/355).  But if the wali repeatedly refuses the proposal of a compatible suitor, he is to be regarded as preventing the marriage of the female relative under his care, and his guardianship is thus rendered null and void, and that right is transferred to the next closest relative on the father’s side.  Make istikhara and dua for best outcome 🤲

Lol I found out yet again I have no wali. My dad is christian and not really in my life, no brothers, no grandparents, uncles are christian or they don't talk to my family. I wonder if that will be a problem when I want to marry

An imam or respected muslim community leader should act as the wali in that case and seal the marriage. Shouldn't be a problem in sha Allah

Never heard of a woman's own child being considered a valid Wali. How can mother require permission from her SON to marry?

>al-Mughni 9/355 That's a nice argument. Why don't you back it up with a source? Edit: if this is a hadith I will be eaten by a circular square

Please dont get married without your guardians permission. Dont listen to anyone who tells you to go behind your parents back and still get married. I was in a similar situation but instead it had to do with his caste. My dads side of the family said no and my mom side agreed. However i was angry at my dad throughout the whole process. I still went along and spoke with him and tried to get to know him. I added istikhara dua and prayer as well and when i tell you i started seeing all the red flags in him, it was Allahs work. Just have sabr and rely on Allah. Whatever is for you wont miss you. No matter what your parents say or do. Dont rush into it. Try to be patient with them and also inform them that a Muslim is judged by their deen and akhlaq and not their ethnicity. You don’t have to give up on it, just still keep it halal while also praying istikhara. May Allah bless you with whats good for you. Remember you may like some thing that you think is good for you but in the long run it isn’t. This is where istikhara comes into play. Pray it with sincerity and ask Allah to guide you to the right choice.

Lol no. Are you their parents?

If it is solely based on an ethnicity, it is downright haram. Of course, now I am not encouraging you to make your parents upset, but technically, you can always ask other male family members (on your paternal line) to agree to be your wali at the Nikkah ceremony. Of course, if really none of them agrees, you can just petition your local imam and it is a done deal. May God bless You and keep You safe, but I strongly (and I mean strongly) advise You to try to reason with them First, but if they truely persist, You can do the thing mentioned above. God bless

JazakAllah Khair

WOW, you guys are really like this?? Wanting to put her parents aside, and basically treat them like shit. "Technically" even if there are other ways of doing it. What you are basically saying is if she wants to put her parents aside then do what you have stated. Tell me where does it say to put your parents aside? Bcs y'all cmkeep bringing it up that there is difference between muslims.

I am not saying she should put her parents on the side, don't contradict my words, I said that she doesn't need the father's approval to get married as Long as another of her walis agree. God bless

It's very common and i just hate that

Move out.

Don’t get married without their blessing. Because if it doesn’t work out they won’t live it down and will constantly remind you of “I told you so”

[удалено]

i don’t think its natural for parents to deprive their children of the God-ordained right to choose their spouses simply because of cultural differences. the Quran encourages us to mix amongst each other, and “losing” culture and language isn’t incidental. that is why bilingual and bicultural children exist. we are never going to progress as an ummah with this mentality.

>i don’t think its natural for parents to deprive their children of the God-ordained right to choose their spouses simply because of cultural differences it's natural, doesn't mean it's right/justified Coming from someone going through the same thing (but for me it's more about language than culture, my parents are not fluent in English so it would be hard for them to connect to a child-in-law of a different language background)

[удалено]

i am not here to argue with you, and i’m sure you possess some degree of comprehension. salamalaikum may Allah bless you

[удалено]

Your comment has been removed for mentioning a prohibited word. Please contact the Moderators for further information. Additionally, please re-read [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/islam/about/rules/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/islam) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Your mom is a g. She is not like those feminists from the West. She wants to keep your ethnicity going and your culture going.

are you a woman?

Happened to me unfortunately yes it is forbidden but I had to break things off as we found that a disagreement on such a simple thing would cause even bigger issues down the line. My advice is unless you can truly convince your parents and confirm with him that this won’t be a problem down the line where your family/parents will belittle him based off of something he didn’t choose then I give you my blessings otherwise best to move on.

I made a whole argument around pros and cons of marrying him detailing every pro he has and in the end they rejected him because he is someone outside of our ethnicity without any further argument 😔😔

it just isn’t fair to us

I feel you dude, May Allah(swt) make it easy for us. One thing I got suggested by a friend was since parents are a bit uncomfortable with someone outside our ethnicity it's always because they fear not knowing everything about them right? I think why don't you ask him to visit you and your parents have a talk with them and that would ease them a bit before jumping to a decision, Maybe when they will meet him they will understand more as to why you chose him , i am planning to do the same and i am hoping it works out.🤷🤷

It might be helpful to have a conversation with your parents to understand their perspective and why they might be feeling this way. You could try asking them questions about their concerns and listening to their answers. You could also explain to them why you think this person is a good match for you and why their ethnicity should not be a barrier to your marriage. It's important to approach the conversation with an open mind and a willingness to listen and understand. I hope that helps! Remember to be patient and kind during the conversation. It might take some time for your parents to come around, but it's important to keep the lines of communication open and to continue to express your feelings in a respectful way.

I would advise you to have a conversation with your family as well as your extended family for this particular situation. Also ask a sheikh or any knowledgeable individual in Islamic marriages for an opinion. When you're in conversation with your families, make them provide a reason for you not getting married in the first place. If their answer does not correlate with the AlQuran and the Hadith, I would suggest to reason with them according to the AlQuran and the Sunnah of the prophet Muhammad pbuh. This is in order to remind them and prevent them from the hellfire.

It could be they are ignorant about these thing?. Allah Alim. Mention the Hadith, mention that unless they have a valid reason then one day they will face Allah (as we all will). Mention that ethnicity is not a valid reason. Even if it goes against their traditions or cultural norms. Islam is what we are supposed to follow. Not racist or ignorant feelings or neighbours talking. Rasoul Allah (SAWS) said in last speech these words; …All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over a white – except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood…. https://www.salaattime.com/hadith-prophet-muhammads-saws-last-sermon/

Get a sheikh or somebody of knowledge involved to speak on your behalf. InshAllah that may convince them

As you say the valid reason for choosing marriage in Islam is "eddeen", so get closer to the Imam of the mosque so that he explains the problem.

Just go to your local imam. If your parents say no because of an issue that isnt islamically relevant then you dont need their permission and an imam can act as your wali