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justawiliBeanSprout

"(its 9 inches)" lmao


Thejoshthatbe

Press X for Doubt.


ColterMarie

Yeah I don't know much, but I do know he does not have a 9 inch peepee


Corgi-Commander

The only people that brag about having a big dick are the people that definitely don’t have a big dick lol


UsernameyMcNamersen

Because of this I now tell everyone I'm small because they think it's some sort of uno reverse, but I just like to see the disappointment in their faces when they find out I didn't lie. Like a kid unwrapping a big present and it's really just a smaller present of socks, it's my jam.


TransformerTanooki

Damnit now I want to play Blackthorne.


SoItGoesdotdotdot

I thought it was a reference to L.A. Noire


Anerratic

I thought it was Heavy Rain but that's press x to Jason.


CamPfaff

If you look closely, the guy sending the message is Jason


FILTHMcNASTY

Jason? JaY-Sahn? JASON? JAYSAHN??!


Thejoshthatbe

It was.


SoItGoesdotdotdot

Apparently this game still has a lot of love which makes me happy. They really need to remaster for real or make like a sequel in the 70s. Or step their game up and make a game where you play as both the villain and the detective and every mission you decide which of the two gets their way. Even throw in one where the "perp" isn't actually guilty to really mess your brain up.


Hardhitting13

The 32x game?


TransformerTanooki

Yeah same game just the Super Nintendo version.


Insta_Baddy_ChiChis

Not on that phone screen. She'll cut herself


Solintari

Sorry, wrong side of the ruler. (its 9 cm)


dasFisch

Still being too generous there.


nicknachu

Sorry, confused it with the microscope, it's 10^-10000000nm


dasFisch

That sounds way more accurate.


Cbaha_

Sorry confused it for a physical dimension it’s actually undefined because it is lim d(x) x—>+infinity =DNE


dasFisch

Unless my memory of calculus is fucked (which…probably), your equation is correct. The limit does not exist


Most_Monk

Think the unit you are referring to is still a tad too generous Yoctometer sounds more precise


ReeverFalls

It's 1 planck length. Which is 10-³⁵m. The smallest unit of measurement in the universe. You could effectively. Fit 1,000,000,000,000-¹² planck lengths inside one atom.


friendigan

Narrator: it wasn’t.


fablastic

Fyi... just to narrow your suspect list, everyone on battle net has a 12 inch cock. Obviously this guy never played warcraft.


cmdkeyy

I think he forgot the minus sign :P


Ajaxxowsky

Not minus, but anus


BardiX

Homie mistook millimeters for inches lmao


vladdeh_boiii

he's talking about the dick that went in *him,* not his own dick.


Mrnoone696

That was when I laughed and stopped reading.


Citizen_of_Danksburg

Man, that guy has a penis so large that only maybe 3/1000 people have one larger than him. Press X to doubt for sure. But in all seriousness, even if he did, at that point, I think it’s more of a curse than a blessing. I’m 6 long and 6 around and I used to be insecure about that because all you see in porn are dudes with dicks the size of a bow staff and thicker than a bowling pin, but that’s just another way I had to learn that porn is not real life, and to the vast majority of women, something like a 9 inch penis would just be painful and not enjoyable. You’d be stabbing their cervix. Not to mention I don’t even know how blowjobs would work. You’d have to date a sword swallower. Even an 8 inch dick seems too huge to me. I mean, idk, I’m a cis heterosexual male so I’ve never been penetrated and I’m not a cis heterosexual woman, so I don’t know what it’s like to be penetrated by a huge penis nor perform oral on someone like that, but I don’t think it’s nearly as pleasurable for everybody like it seems. Sure, there are women and men out there who’d enjoy a size like that, but I don’t think they’re the norm. I’m just speaking as a statistician because that’s my profession, and man, women who say they’re size queens should relabel themselves to be treasure hunters because statistically, the odds of you finding someone with a dick that huge are quite small. I’d be curious to know if evolutionarily speaking there’s a reason that the human reproductive organs are the size they are. I imagine it’s just a matter of functionality. If it works and helps further the species that’s all that’s needed, so there’s no real evolutionary benefit to having a huge member (that’s just my guess). It seems that evolution just favors things that work, not necessarily optimal or best pleasing, but what do I know? I’m not an evolutionary biologist.


ForeverFree99

Strangely, us humans have the biggest penis of all apes. Even the gorilla... Chimps and gorillas have amazingly small dicks. Supposedly because when they fight, they sometimes tear their opponents off, so they evolved to continue have their penis shrink over generations. 🌈 The more you know!


ActuallyATRex

For me 7" is the longest it can be before it gets painful. Not many like one bigger than that. I think that a lot of men lie about their size because of insecurity and it leads to people thinking 5" is 7" bc that's what he said it was. That's just an opinion based on life experience though. 5" is around average and there's nothing wrong with it. Size isn't everything, and your ability to please a woman is a skill you can learn. I've been with both sizes I mentioned and had equally amazing sex.


nasi_b

I dont know why that made me laugh so hard but goddam


xxJunjiFritoxx

My dad is the CEO of Xbox Live and he's gonna hack your account!


Shawnzilla85

Fuck happened to that phone?


wonkywilla

It’s a tempered glass screen protector. It breaks instead of your phone’s screen. But you’re supposed to replace it.


YOOOOOOOOOOT

People never replaces those and it bothers me.


MrFuckingDinkles

I use to fix phones and people would bring in their devices with these protectors on them and think their screen was cracked. So I just imagine people never replace them because they forgot it's there and they think it's their actual screen that's broken.


GlobsofKnobSlob

I absolutely did. After having the phone almost three years, took mine in to be repaired and they said it was irreparable(the back is also cracked. Guess they won't touch it at all if the back is cracked), so I went home thinking I was gonna need to buy a new phone but started picking at the edge with anxiety and up came the protector. My screen has some cracks but it's barely noticable. I just need to pick up a new protector.


skepticalDragon

You didn't remember putting a screen protector on it? Must have been a killer fit if you didn't see the edges on it either


GlobsofKnobSlob

It came with the protector, or maybe the guy at the store put it on while I was breaking down bills with the gal at the register. I didn't put it on myself, but thinking about it I do remember the guy at least telling me about the protector. Definately a perfect fit though. I remember fixing a corner crack with acrylic paste and thinking it was strange it had cracked with such an edge I had to get the paste under.


skepticalDragon

That's a fuckin awesome screen protector


GlobsofKnobSlob

Absolutely! Idk how much it would cost to get a new one that good, and I'd never be able to put one on that well. I'd end u with one loose edge and end up picking it back off within a week.


kakka_rot

Dude, how do you get the fucker off? Mine is cracked to shit, and when I get my fingernail under it, it just chips off. I spent ages trying to get it off. Google told me to use a hair dryer, and that helped a little bit? It's really stuck on there (I bought the phone referbished from Virgin and it came with it). I don't care if I have to buy some product on Amazon. If you could help me I would really appreciate it.


Zahai

Cover the screen protector in duct tape to prevent it from scattering shards everywhere while you remove it. Pick a corner and just very carefully peel it up and off.


Duel_Juuls77

Maybe use a debit card and keep trying to get under it… or flathead screw driver


upsidedownbackwards

An old debit card. My stupid self did something like this and it ended up separating the layers of the card. Still gotta get that replaced.


Duel_Juuls77

Oh didn’t know that was possible! You could also use a knife


Antovide_VR

Wouldn't there be the huge chance of scratching the screen?


CharlyXero

When I buy a new phone, I buy also 3 screen protectors. When the 1st one breaks, I use the 2nd, and also buy another one. With this, I have always a replacement, and also have one extra in case that I put it bad (position, dirt in the screen or whatever).


King_Beardy

Are you also a Scout?


on-the-job

Bruh no matter what there is always 1 tiny spec of dust or hair on my screen whenever I try to put screen protectors on. I refuse to use them anymore lol


donutpuncher3

As I read this thru a smashed glass protector.


YOOOOOOOOOOT

Remove it now.


PhallusGreen

Only remove it if you have a replacement


phome83

If even a small piece of dust is under mine I have to replace it. I don't know how people walk around with shattered screen protectors like that.


ricefriskies

I just replaced mine after a year of being on my phone and holy crap it looks brand new now!


doomsword6_V2

Like fr, the company I buy mine from does free replacements lmao


TheWalkingDead91

I get those. They cost only like 2-3$ when purchased in packs of 2-5…….they work to the best of my knowledge, but the most I’ve had on them is maybe two or three cracks. So I’m in no particular hurry to replace them when one breaks. If this is indeed a glass protector, that person is clumsy as all hell, and that’s coming from a clumsy person.


NRMusicProject

Love that the bottom comment says that it's a "clearer version." I wonder what the worse version looked like on this phone?


wonkywilla

The fact that someone took a picture of it, instead of just taking a screen shot baffles me.


Sararizuzufaust

This is exactly what happens when you accidentally leave your phone in your coat pocket and then accidentally run over your coat with a lawnmower. Has happened to me a number of times.


Nincadalop

Just another Tuesday, huh?


Asangkt358

You've run over your coat with a lawn mower "a number of times"? Perhaps you should just hire someone because you clearly aren't cut out for operating lawn mowers. edit to fix typo


ChubbyGhost3

>law mowers


willurollmyweed

Sounds like someone’s got a heavy southern accent lol


PinBot1138

I AM THE LAW ^MOWER !


communist_anglerfish

He mistook it for a 'whore' and raped and beat it.


frosty95

High schoolers


Sharpie61115

Idk how people break their phones all the time. I've had a touchscreen smart phone for over 10 years, even back when the glass wasn't nearly as strong as newer smart phones, and have never once broken a phone screen.


Shawnzilla85

I broke one iPhone 4 many years ago. That was a very expensive learning experience.


AlfieHitchcock

You don't have teens do you? Every fucking phone looks like it's been backed over by a mack truck by the time mine are done with one. I don't really even want to know what they do to them to get them that way, so I don't ask questions.


Shawnzilla85

I have 2 actually. And to be honest, my wife breaks hers constantly. Not my kids. Screen protectors are like 3 for $10 so I don’t see why it haven’t been replaced yet. It was more of a rhetorical question, my bad.


TaleMendon

I think his phone was beat and raped.


nothanksihaveasthma

It’s what happens when you give a child a phone


blue_kush1

Til I am a 28 yr old child


Constant-Pay8406

and you're adopted


silick_roth

We weren't supposed to tell them that, yet.


Vixen7-9

Someone needs to stop watching so much porn and start taking anger management classes.


fuckthisplanetup

Honestly seems like that kind of wild copypasta doesn't it?


Fat_Man_in_a_B29

To tell you the truth, it probably is. Either way it’s fucking sickening


Husain108

this was posted in a chan forum and someone commented and said the dude was hacked cuz he wasn’t like that irl


Mikebyrneyadigg

We all know the chans are very reliable sources of information.


Husain108

that’s why i specified it’s a chan


Mikebyrneyadigg

True. But honestly unless someone is having a mental breakdown I can't see how they would willfully torch their reputation/incite potential criminal charges. This is extremely on the nose, and I honestly would believe that they were hacked by someone bent on ruining their life should evidence be presented supporting those circumstances.


Newkie162

The op said that the person that sent the message also touched 11 year old girls


Mikebyrneyadigg

Ah. Well. Into the volcano he goes.


Bleys087

I’ve scoured hundreds of replies and haven’t seen a single one from OP. I give up. Can you point me in the direction of that comment pretty please? My eyes are now burning and my curiosity is making me bisexual.


alephthirteen

"my curiosity is making me bisexual." ​ Kittycat's Third Law of Curiosity states that in a closed system, curiosity not converted into kinetic or thermal energy shall be converted into bi-curious energy.


highestRUSSIAN

What about Chris?


Mikebyrneyadigg

The most degenerate of the chans by far.


silick_roth

They always say that.


Baconator-Junior

Oh hey, look at that, free evidence for the police. I hear juvie is great this time of year!


Nails_on-chalk-board

They’re probably a teenager so you’re looking to be tried as an adult.


ToBeReadOutLoud

Depends on his age and the crime they decide to charge him with.


ZoBamba321

This kid needs therapy and a mom. I know teenagers are edgy and I’ve sent some cringey shit when I was a kid but man this is another level.


baiqibeendeleted17x

Yea, as much of an POS as he is, the kid definitely needs some help first. Hell, he might even turn out an alright adult, teenagers do stupid shit (some more than others evidently).


vruv

There’s a line, and this crosses it. I hope he gets the harshest sentence possible for this type of crime, because he sure as hell can’t be trusted to operate as a functioning member of society


petrykhor

hope they found this piece of shit. it’s most likely a stupid kid, but play stupid games, win stupid prizes.


Grannywine

It is very well known whom sent this mass message out.


MannyPoPo

I think it’s Jason


marlinmarlin99

I think it's Andrew. Jason f Andrew girl and he said it during recess , he will pull this.


NeedzRehab

>during recess 0.o


UncaringNonchalance

I just hope the “99” isn’t a reference to his birth year, because that would make it even more confusing.


johnnyboy777

What you talking about? People born in 99 are still kids....wait...oh god I'm getting old....


UncaringNonchalance

Zoomer Billy Madison. Goes back to school and gets fucking canceled into oblivion three seconds after walking in.


marlinmarlin99

Yes, right after our naps


Grannywine

I honestly wish this was just some high school hijinx, but it's not. If you look up AZ high-school protest you will see this is not a joke.


theoriginal6pack

Can you link a source, I looked it up all I was finding was prtests over a student being raped, but nothing that verifies its related to this text. I was just curious :), thanks


Living-Complex-1368

Hopefully they get the help they need in the psych ward.


oh_no_my_fee_fees

>whom Why would you use this word.. *Whom* is a direct object. A person *to whom* something *is done*.


Constant-Pay8406

Who says whom? Who says it to whom?


Grannywine

Someone who consistently hits the damned m key and the space bar when in a hurry typing.


Thatek214

To whom are you referring?


Roheez

Yeah, whom's that?


Constant-Pay8406

'To whom are you referring' works!


Constant-Pay8406

Fucking Ronny. It was Ronny


Lupine_Outcast

Truly surprised no female has taken him aside to show him the error of his ways... ...


Shower-karaoke-star

How do you know?


Schweddy_Bewbs

Once they find out who, that is 100% grounds for expulsion. And immediately suspended and get a psych evaluation started.


darkthrive

Probably doesn’t get enough attention at home


No_Trouble_No_Fuss

It's gonna be some scrawny little shit who has a hard time making eye contact with anyone.


Fat_Man_in_a_B29

He actually got arrested towards the end of school today.


Jaksmack

He needs his ass beat at the very least.


Manoso1

Send it to his familia and work, see how they feel about that!


TerryAwhile

No, it needs to go to the police.


Drippinice

What do you people think the police are gonna do?


oAkimboTimbo

I mean he’s straight up saying he’s going to commit a heinous crime. That’s grounds for police to investigate


XxpillowprincessxX

Bold of you to assume this kid is old enough to have a job lol. Sounds like some “edgy” crotch goblin


Acrobatic-Ad1506

Can almost guarantee they’re not using their real name for this. I’m sure the police can somehow trace it back to a phone though.


TheGau-8Avenger

That person needs to get their phone screen fixed.


weavebot

And learn how to take a screenshot


Azudekai

I think they're getting around Snapchat's screenshot detection


Callahan-Auto-brakes

But why? Who cares if this guy knows you ss it


mememaster8427

Bc if he’s serious about all that he might assault this person in retaliation for taking a screenshot of it. You never know with these types of people.


aralim4311

Fair point


Hour-Example1920

That thing definitely got run over by a car. Happened to me and my phone looked identical.


XxpillowprincessxX

It looks like a screen protector is on it and cracked tho?


Dinglederple

9 inches of screen protection


MateoPKeo

That's exactly what it is. It's a tempered glass screen protector that has been completely destroyed. You can see where the edges of the screen protector end and meet the screen.


TheGau-8Avenger

They need to get a new screen protector then.


Chance-Every

Who wants to bet this creep has a three inch Grinch? Il put a 50 on it!


nothingmatters2me

3 is generous.


Chance-Every

Yeah but I mean while erect!


nothingmatters2me

So do i.


HairyNutsackNumber9

Til a new way to refer to my noodle


Mr_Fignutz

I think I'd only call it a grinch if I had an infection.


_OhNo_PistolMeat

Stopped reading after the first two sentences, what’s wrong with that person?


Thorhees

You didn't miss much, he literally says the same thing like eight times with the same phrasing and everything.


DLX_Beast57

Humanity be like


LoadedGull

Jesus Christ… that screen protector has been through some shit. Also, the psycho who is sending that is disgraceful.


EinjeruOritzu

And THATS the clear version?


FDEBuff

That's just calling yourself an incel with extra steps.


Own-Researcher-5507

this person needs psychiatric help


Dweebs_Return

The "it's 9 inches" got me


Representative_Dark5

Women, remember that barbed condoms are a thing. You insert it before you leave the house. If a rapist puts his dick in you it's gonna get the the tipped sliced of it.


Constant_Tribulation

Women should not have to be so afraid of being raped that they need to wear a dick slicing condom every time they leave the house.


rolfie13

Yes but it's a temporary solution to anyone genuinely scared of being raped


nothanksihaveasthma

I’ve always wanted one of those but I think they’ve been banned/outlawed?


TL_games

Can't take fetus's out, can't stick razor condoms in - what is the governments big concern for women's vaginas


169floz

Because a woman just as psychotic as this guy can put it inside their vagina and have consensual sex with someone and permanently mutilate the man's gentials.


169floz

And if a woman *is* raped with one of these in, it greatly increases the likelyhood that the rapist will viciously beat/murder the woman in retaliation.


oh_oh_spaghettios

Yeah getting raped is very bad, but so is death


169floz

It's one of those ideas that sounds good and clever when heard in passing, but as soon as it's held to any sort of scrutiny just falls to pieces. The inventor obviously had good intentions, but this should never have gotten past the idea phase.


Tinrooftust

This part is true. But I think some women would make the trade.


Tinrooftust

She could also just use scissors. What you describe is already a crime.


SheBettin

Doesn't foreplay let you see if your crazy botch radar is wrong. Foreplay is important. It gets the engine running, shows you what she likes, and checks for lady pintel razors.


Tinrooftust

No way any law would hold up to a jury. One woman on the jury and they guy prosecuting cause his dick got shred is out of luck. That said, this shouldn’t have to exist.


Transpatials

How does some asshat have the numbers of every person in school?


chrisat420

It appears to be through Snapchat, so they probably found the account through “mutual friends” of one person


gingerbread_slutbarn

Or “campus story”. I live near a university and am well past 30, have 0 interest in knowing the goings-on there. They puke near my apartment on weekends.


doctorpolitik

It looks like someone screen shotted the private message, then it’s the screenshot that’s been sent around the school to socially shame the “Jason” dude. I’m sure they have, but this kind of message should instantly go to authorities and the guy should get serious serious help.


wonkywilla

Could be a public Snapchat via the map location.


Jessica_Messica_

Call the cops


Franican

And this is how to destroy your own life before you have one. As a licensed teacher I don't want my students' mistakes to impact their entire future, but I also won't feel an ounce of pity preventing them from hurting others if I can stop it. Through the legal and proper channels of course.


JenniLynn82

I mean did they get mad at what they saw and decided to hit the phone? That screen is fucked


theoriginal6pack

If you gotta say that its nine inches. It aint nine inches


salvulcanoloser

Most fucked up incel ive seen


boopdeed00

To the people who tried to defend this, you’re probably the same people who wonder why women say they’re afraid of “all men”. If you try to pass this off as “Freedom of speech” to “boys just being boys”, you are a part of the problem. This kid clearly is a threat to his peers, more specifically to his female classmates and action needs to be taken immediately. Even if he’s just trying to be “edgy” or “funny” you don’t know how triggering it could be to some of not, majority of the students especially if they’ve grown up in an abusive household or was sexually abused as an adolescent.


VinnySmallsz

People defended *this?*


VictoryRaptor

Calling them people might be a bit generous. Anyone who defends this kind of stuff is an insult to the genome.


heqra

honestly I dont feel like a message to all those defending this is gonna do anything, the type of person who defends this isnt the type of person who would listen to your comment anyway but like in a less constructive comment, if you do defend that absolutely disgusting manifesto then for real just dont go outside anymore it isnt worth it for you or others


HumaDracobane

Who the fuck would defend this...?


Axiom06

The garbage that takes human form known as an incel.


Rickrickrickrickrick

It most likely is an edgy joke but it needs to be taken seriously just in case it isn't. Some people are seriously fucked up.


ShotApplication7568

The fact that he actually wrote “(it’s 9 inches)” leaves me full of doubt


Kim_Jong_Unsen

I think I found the stupidest way to get expelled


Counselorgarry

How the fuck you gonna get off to them screaming if you drug them? This dudes pretty fucking stupid


SirTrentHowell

This is why I support very very very late term abortion.


_Fisty

(It's 9 inches btw)


mynameseugene

Holy shit, that screen.


MrHippieJoe

That’s disgusting but like what happened to your phone


Ok-Source-3313

Anyone knows if this is related to the protests happening at Marana high school?


waveslikemoses

Yeah I’m willing to bet my life savings that this guy is very much an involuntarily celibate person


feircedeitylank

Copy pastas are supposed to be funny. This is just dumb.


MC273

I’m 90% sure that what they’re sending is a copypasta. Still though, this idiot is playing with fire.


minecraft_min604

As an incel leader, I would really appreciate it if you refrain from calling him an incel as it insults the group


2_4_5_brother

This seems like someone took a phone and sent it out to get another kid in trouble.