T O P
Suspicious_Student_6

Straight to jail


Ietsmetdingen

Damnit. Can I glue it?


BillbertBuzzums

Only of you use pine pitch mixed with corn starch as the glue


Suspicious_Student_6

I was going to suggest super glue mixed with neem oil


BillbertBuzzums

No, but if you put neem oil on the pitch mix it will help it heal faster


Terrible_Biscotti_14

I’m phoning the police on you because your first thought wasn’t neem. It’s ALWAYS neem.


VermicelliOk8288

Who’s gonna know? ;)


Particular-Zone-7321

only if you use instant noodles


_icaruslives

Rip the leaf hole? Jail. Glue the leaf hole back together? Believe it or not, jail.


Suspicious_Student_6

Right away jail


InstantMartian84

And no stopping to collect $200.


CrunchyUnicorn

Believe it or not, jail.


Plantkiller42069lol

You’re supposed to rip them so the turtles don’t get their heads stuck


Manic-Mama

You just made me cackle and wake up all the kiddos. Four legged and two. Damn you and here’s your upvote and award.


amberlytheagent

This 😂 this is the one


enchantedchair

The comment made me laugh then noticing your username was the cherry on top


SomeSlav

Jail for mother, JAIL FOR MOTHER FOR 1000 YEARS


zanier_sola

You gotta pay the troll toll to get into this plant’s hole.


GimJordan

Unexpected and I am HERE FOR IT.


purple_mountain_105

Idk man. Last night I accidentally ripped a vine off my philodendron and I feel like I’ve committed a crime


LilithsLilac

I was cutting off a dead air root from my vanilla orchid yesterday and made a kinda sorta cut on the stem. I feel like a plant abuser too. 😭🥺 Editing to add that we should perhaps form a support group to cry together.


purple_mountain_105

Yes! A gc where we host plant confession


stereotypicalweirdo

r/plantabuse


sneakpeekbot

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LilithsLilac

I forgot about that sub! Thanks! 🌿


VisualOk7560

Just stick it back in soil it wil be fiiiinneeeee


purple_mountain_105

Will it? I’m trying to propagate it in water, but I didn’t know that putting it directly in soil could work


VisualOk7560

I said it half jokingly but it might work. What type of philodendron? How is the soil mix? Is it drying out really fast or does it get reaaally soggy when you water for a long time? Anyhow its probably safer to water/perlite/moss propagate but you could experiment if you want 😅


Teensiesama

25 to life with possibility of parole after 10 years


justapotatie

You might go to jail for all the dirt under those nails. Hot dang


Ietsmetdingen

Bitch please. You don’t have dirt under your nails? What kind of plant enthusiast are you? Amateur. I bathe in dirt. I eat neem for breakfast lunch and dinner. I tattooed the inside of my fingernails to always make it look like they’re dirty. IM PASSIONATE


Mrjocrooms

NGL, I came here to mention your nails too but I subside my teasing due to your passionate reply. Keep dirty and carry on.


corinne9

I love you


GimJordan

>tattooed the inside of my fingernails I'm fucking DYING. Cheers, fellow plant fiend!!


_icaruslives

I always get dirt under my nails because I raw dog the repot. You just can't tease the roots out with gloves on 😭


ran_bu_tan

If you don’t have dirt under your nails you can’t be really be at one with Mother Earth


Ietsmetdingen

This.


Ietsmetdingen

Im raw dogging it all. Repotting plants, gardening, ripping out weeds, all of it. I feel so FUCKING ALIVE 🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱


Terrible_Biscotti_14

Not me but I work in a garden centre, the dirt is now a part of me, nail brush be damned.


veggievandam

Oof, yes. It makes me self conscious. I can scrub, scrub, scrub, when I shower after work but it almost never completely goes away. Not even my gloves can save me.


Ietsmetdingen

Only thing that helps for me is to clip my nails really short. But I honestly don’t care. I spent my morning today cleaning out rabbit poop and shoveling manure. Can’t be bothered with a bit of dirt under my nails. I’ve experienced more disgusting things.


VisualOk7560

You know she was raw dogging that moisture retentive peat of death with her bare hands


MojoLava

192.435.1.27 watch your back


Ietsmetdingen

I definitely hope you didn’t actually take the time to check my IP address bc you could give me any combination of numbers and I’d still believe it if you said it was my IP. As if I know my own IP. Or where to find it.


MojoLava

Lol just random numbers! Just a joke. I wouldn't even know what to do with an ip


Ietsmetdingen

Thank god. I wouldn’t want you wasting your precious time on that. You need to spend that time kissing puppies.


VisualOk7560

It changes multiple times a day anyway, dont worry


stinkysmellytofu

That’s your real IP address


Ietsmetdingen

Thank you.


stinkysmellytofu

Jk


twomanyc00ks

we await The Council's final decision


dustTBunz

Simple fix with WNEEM 40


yousmeg

Maybe gorilla glue


Interloper_aesthetic

NEEM!!


Rezolithe

Looking into how to do a citizens arrest right now!


Moistfrogs

what were you doing to it to cause a tear like that 🤨


Ietsmetdingen

😉😏


PlantAddict372

You'll only go to jail if they find you. Step 1: Wash with neem Step 2: Go to med school and learn how to stuture. Or take the shortcut and go to sewing class. Step 3: Clean materials with neem Step 4: Stuture. Step 5: Clean with neem. Step 6: Soak your phone in neem for 5282682 days while making sure to clean all plants with neem daily. Step 7: Water all plants with neem, followed by bleach to blind them and remove all memory of this situation. Step 8: Put leaf in a humidity chamber to help heal. Spray chamber sides with neem daily, and make sure ONLY that leaf is in the chamber or you'll kill the whole thing. Step 9: Take plant to therapy. Step 10: Put plant in complete darkness for 3 weeks to speed up the healing process. Step 11: Throw plant out, despite all efforts it has not changed and will kill all other forms of life if it isn't executed immediately.


Ietsmetdingen

I have a sewing machine, can I use that?


PlantAddict372

Maybe... Have you put anything other than neem on it to clean it in the time you've had it?


Secure-Solution4312

This is it.


clarkthegiraffe

This is actually natural it’s called penetration


tracyf600

You'll get life in jail. Then you'll have many many years of prostitution in hell, or Alabama . Your choice. Choose wisely , it's very red and very hot her in Alabama. Or is this hell 🤔🤔🤔 I forget


Operationdogmom

That would be sexual assault at its finest.


BoxBird

You monster 😮


silver_moon134

FBI is raiding your house in 5...4...3...2...


Ietsmetdingen

I’ll put the kettle on


ava_pink

Straight to hell, where u belong


Ietsmetdingen

Nice and toasty 🔥🌝


BeautifulGiftOfSin

With those nails, it looks like you’re already in jail.


Ietsmetdingen

YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE


lukewarmcaprisun

Neem oil should fix


iah_c

I'm calling the PPS (plant protective services). see you in court


HuckleberryPlane8924

How do I go about getting my own leaf hole ripped?


Ietsmetdingen

Come on over. My IP address is in another comment. It’s probably easy enough to find my address now.


PunaTic_4_EvA

As bad as putting a bunch of peas around an ICE HOLE


2_wild

Eat it?


SpaceCadetTooFarGone

#Eat it. Just eat it.


Ietsmetdingen

#EAT ITTTTT


Secure-Solution4312

Where is don’t eat the plant bot?


SpaceCadetTooFarGone

... Must you rely on a bot when humans have the answers?


Secure-Solution4312

I just miss him is all.


SpaceCadetTooFarGone

I think the bot learned no one will listen to it here 🤣


SpaceCadetTooFarGone

*No one wants to eat it, eat it!!!*


lucyfairy69

yep


GimJordan

This is worse than overcooked chicken!! STRAIGHT TO JAIL.


grids

###😍🙏🏿 that's the ultra-rare vagination episiotomy. it means you're about to have plant babies. 😍🙏🏿🙏🏿 ##I recommend submerging your plant-mama in a bathtub filled with neem for ***no less than 48 hours***. 🙌🏻


RecycledPopcorn

No. Now you can sell it for $2000 as an extra-fenestrated special variegated monstera 🔥