T O P

I guess the good lord is cracking down on Hardcore Gamers too? Lol!

I guess the good lord is cracking down on Hardcore Gamers too? Lol!

ArnildoG

Wait the pope is going to hell as well


LaughySaphie

A Lotta people got pissy about how progressive pope Francis has been


Miknarf

That has nothing to do with it. This person is not a Catholic. He is some flavor of evangelical , they have never thought that Catholics are good or went to heaven.


NecessaryZucchini69

Basically puritan, if it ain't related to breathing, eating, sleeping, working, doing church stuff; its wrong.


OutspokenHBW

Don't forget, even if you are strictly doing the approved activities, you can't enjoy them. Life is a punishment you have to endure, Heaven is your only reprieve.


HugeHans

Can you enjoy not enjoying all those things because it means you will get into heaven?


OutspokenHBW

Better not, just to be safe.


MarioToast

It's also wrong if you do any of those things while having the wrong birthplace, skin color or family.


ProfessorPetrus

Evangelicals are the worst. All the other Christians should team up and beat them up. Probably out numbered and outrednecked though.


Lazy-You4250

That's funny to me because in Germany the two major branches of Christianity are the catholics and the evangelicals, and the evangelicals are the more tolerant of the two. Their like mild salsa sauce compared to tabasco.


Ginormous_Ginosaur

Another German here, our protestants are not the same as evangelicals. Different denominations. I think Americans would call them lutherans. American evangelicals are more like the most fundamentalist „Freikirchen“ here.


Famous-Dragonfruit56

As someone who grew up American Luthern maybe I can clarify a bit. Luthern is a type of protestant that varies greatly. In my area for example two Luthern churches only 15 minutes apart believe drastically different things. One welcomes LGBT, has a women pastor, etc. The other is the exact opposite. Evangelicals are a type of protestant called Reformed Christianity, Reformed Protestant, or Calvinist. Fundamentalists were a united group coming from the Reformed Christians so they are protestant, reformed, and fundamentalists. Although some evangelicals will deny this notion and only identify with certain groups, denominations, or movements. In America, unless you grew up in one of these groups you probably would not know any of that. Many people have no idea what these terms mean even some Christians since many churches only teach about their beliefs and not other Christian beliefs (except maybe "the other Christian beliefs=wrong/bad) and Christian history after the bible. Many people don't even know the word denomination here.


Cantothulhu

Weren’t Calvinists (at least in America) the ones who got pushed aside at the advent of the industrial revolution because their belief that everything was predetermined and heaven was an end state not an end goal, in favor of replacing working toward salvation with a nine to five clock?


Famous-Dragonfruit56

It's really early in the morning for me so I'm not sure I quite understand what you mean lol but I will try to say what I know. As far as I know, Calvinists believed that work is part of God's plan and/or that it should be used to further God's plan. Calvinists were very critical of those who ignored God in business and believe that everything, including economics, is linked to God. Any business or work done by anyone should have God in mind always. This means doing what they believe is right over making the best profit. I'm not too sure on how this played into the industrial revolution besides these matters though.


Ginormous_Ginosaur

Thanks for the insight. Well our protestants are based on the teachings of Martin Luther, so I thought lutheran would be the correct word. Most Christians in Germany are either catholic or these protestants, with all other versions of Christianity being fringe groups. Funnily enough, while they’re called "Protestanten", the adjective is "evangelisch(-lutherisch)" which explains the confusion with evangelicals. And as u/Lazy-You4250 stated, they are way more progressive than catholics, with female pastors, pastors that are allowed to marry, etc. I have no idea what their stance on homosexuality is as I’m not religious but all in all they are much mellower than the catholic church.


ProfessorPetrus

That's interesting to learn. I shall try to learn more about the origins of evangelicals. Perhaps the crazy ones got forced to leave Europe. I know the puritans that left were some Sharia Law-esque motherfuckers.


Lazy-You4250

That's true, the Puritans were the extremist version of the European Christians. And they went on to be the baseline for most Christian branches in the early years of the US. Pretty wild.


ProfessorPetrus

We got a lot of other countries religious nuts they didn't want lol. I think that's why so much of the country has a stick up it's ass.


Redwolfnes

Not only you, dear usonian people, the rest of the American continent is full of religious nuts too


ProfessorPetrus

Yea Jesus christ Europe. Really fucked up the whole continent with God obsessions. You absolutely right man. I had a college roommate who used his communications degree to go trick poor people in South and Central America that he could heal them with the power of faith and being overcome with the holy spirit. The poorest least educated people in the area completely surrendering to a dude who used to go to a mediocre state school a few years ago.


zebarothdarklord

Yes you are right my dad has said this for years and he is a minster


LaughySaphie

Ah yes right them too :) ty


ArnildoG

The hell is a self-lover do you jave to hate yourself to go to heaven


luckydrzew

*Laughts in masochism*


ThaKaptin

Laughs in Catholicism


Rolls_

Gotta bring back self flagellation


IrocDewclaw

Laughing in Mario and Sega.


neutrino71

You're out too. The Pope comment covers all of Catholicism. These guys a generous with their hatreds


fatalrip

Can’t be whacking it.


StoreBrandCereal

But hardcore gamer is already on the list


First-Alert

Has to be self pleasuring heaven knows how hard it is to get knuckle baby stains out of stuff


randelung

Funny enough, since 'man is made in his image', hating yourself is therefore blasphemy. Dislinking anything is, really, since 'he made everything' and he 'is in everything'. You just can't win!


pollock89

You're telling me I can't HATE anymore!? I absolutely will never love black liquorice. Sorry, god.


ShallowBasketcase

Well black licorice is man-made, and therefor a sin. *which explains why I fucking love it*


Gyoza-shishou

Well, according to original sin...yes


Who_GNU

There's a long history of protestants (or sometimes other popes) thinking the pope is evil.


Nitsuj8507

I think 10 out of 10 people who condones fucking kids can safely be considered evil


iniciadomdp

What’s funnier is that he wasn’t very progressive before, he’s a peronist and was part of the iron guard. They were pretty far in the right in their time.


ImARetPaladinBaby

The guy is wearing a do-rag so I mean he’s not helping his case lol


drk2399

I’m so back and forth with him; he does awesome ACTUAL Jesus type stuff (like make cardinals give up cars and shit) but then he does stuff that reminds me, OOOOOOh right, religious leader….


imaloony8

Yeah, but it says no pope goes to Heaven. So apparently every pope in history is burning in hell.


Warrior_Poet_1990

Evangelicals hate Catholicism on principle


Magnon

Because catholicism is big name Christianity and they know they're walmart off brand.


CuttingEdgeRetro

At the core of the split is this: Catholics say that works (good deeds) are required for salvation. Protestants say that no human is good enough to enter heaven on their own merits. In other words, there's nothing you can do yourself to make yourself worthy to enter heaven. Instead, you have to rely on grace through faith in Jesus\* to make you worthy to enter heaven. Once you have that salvation, any works you do are evidence of your salvation. But those works aren't what's saving you. \* That is, only Jesus, not Mary or anyone else including some different Jesus or God you've manufactured because you don't like what the bible says.


McMan777

Yeah, I don't think it's very fair to have "Pope" on this list. How am I supposed to 100% this? I'd have to go pretty tryhard at the seminary at this age.


Fokker_Snek

Nothing a Crusade couldn’t fix, get those unruly Cathars under control


MilkAzedo

protestants


k3ttch

For some conservative evangelicals and Protestants, Catholicism is just one step removed from, devil worship. Many don't even consider them fellow Christians. Or it could be conservative Catholics who are against the current Pope's more progressive stances.


shaolinallan

I think we are all screwed if the pope can't even get in.


IrishUpstart

Lol @ "self-lover". You mean fapper?


Crk416

These dudes would tell you with a straight face they have never jerked off lmao


kirknay

You know his computer is filled with loli hentai and his room smells of squid. lol


DreiImWeggla

Excuse my ignorance, but squid?


kirknay

squid and chestnut flour smell like old semen.


Isabela_Grace

It’s disgusting that you know this lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


Isabela_Grace

Hahah


HabitOk6839

Lmao


[deleted]

squid game got a whole new meaning


Unwashed_villager

No. Any acts of self care counts as "self-lover". You took a bath? Go to hell!


ChipsAhoyNC

Well heaven must stink


PloppyCheesenose

With the Stench of Righteousness!


ChipsAhoyNC

Oh poor God... maybe he has a weird stink kink tho


john_doe11081

You are stealing: right to hell. You are playing music too loud: right to hell, right away. Driving too fast: hell. Slow: hell. You are charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses: you right to hell. You undercook fish? Believe it or not: hell.


BATSU-X

Lies! I checked the bible and it says nothing about hardcore gamers.


beatles910

It's in the new, new testament. The book of Mario - World 4-1, sky zone.


LTman86

We always close every book with the same thing, "I'm sorry, but the princess is in another castle."


titaniumhud

"*laughs in inconspicuous wooden crate, that somehow moves down the hall when you're not looking*" - book of snake


ShallowBasketcase

The Super New Testament 3DSi XL Advanced


Wetnoodleslap

And the Lord, God, proclaimed "it's a me, Mario!" and green pipes flourished throughout the land.


Ghuleh5811

Jesus is in another castle


101percentnotrobot

Tbf if Jesus wasn't 360 no scoping Romans after what they did to him, what right do we have?


Lostcause75

Disagree the nails were circular so that counts


Wylie28

It doesn't mention any of that. It does say only god can be the judge though. The irony is, if hell exists, the people holding these signs are heretics and are the ones hellbound


AMWJ

I like how that's the only one with a qualifier. Like, you can game, but just not too much.


rargar

Cuz he games.


Ro_dog805

are people just putting things they don’t like as something god doesn’t like?


Darksnark_The_Unwise

It's the most common mistake people make when they interpret scripture. The bible can be especially difficult with this. It's been translated many times and there are multiple versions in each language, especially English. On top of that, God in The Old Testament and Jesus in The New Testament teach lessons in very different ways. It is sadly common for certain denominations of Christians to cherry pick the "God's wrath" stuff for things they don't like and cherry pick the "forgiveness and compassion" stuff for the things they do like.


ReasonablyBadass

That's literally all of religion though. Every single faith just randomly decides what they don't like or do like. And then they go to war over it.


Over-Analyzed

Here’s the dumbest thing about this. It negates Jesus Christ. This poster basically says Jesus Christ does not exist. As his poster suggests, you get into Heaven because of what you do, your actions. **Which is exactly why Jesus died in the first place.** 🤦🏻‍♂️. You don’t go to hell because of what you do. You don’t get to Heaven because of what you do. You go to Heaven because of Jesus Christ, regardless of what you did. I mean, I only scored a 4 on the checklist. 🤷🏻‍♂️. I mean I’m not aiming for a high score but like MySpace friends, they don’t matter.


StormRider2407

Only a 4? I'm a soft 10 (hard 9, bisexual, not homosexual, so call that half a point). Rookie numbers, bruh.


materdoc

Heaven must be a really lonely place then


SaltySandSailor

Definitely a boring place.


StuperDan

Even if they have activities, the company must suuuuucckkk.


pollock89

"Family culture"


More_BRAAAINS

Church 24/7


Caffeine_Monster

That sounds like hell


jawz

Turns out they are the same place. Just depends on how you feel about spending eternity in church.


StormRider2407

Must be. By definition, you do not have free will in Heaven, so you're basically a God loving sycophant robot.


MentallyWill

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints


SmiTe1988

God'll probably have me on some real strict shit no sleepin all day, no getting my dick licked. Hangin' with the goodie goodies, loungin' in Paradise Fuck that shit, I wanna tote guns and shoot dice. -BIG


Seve7h

*They say there's a heaven for those who will wait* *Some say it's better but I say it ain't* *i’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints…* *the sinners are much more fun* -Billy Joel


marzgamingmaster

Fun fact: in heaven, you are mind-wiped of all personality and spend the rest of eternity singing the praises of God. The bible specifically notes the later bit but ignores the former is required for it to make sense. One of the biblically accurate angels is a flaming wheel with eyes that psychically screams "HOLY! HOLY! HOLY! HOLY!" for all eternity. Heaven is part silly, part boring, and part actually hell.


jetso2000

So heaven is just hell?


Alan_Scott_Davis

Heaven definitely sounds lame to me


LavitzOfBasil

I scored a 14!


Riluke

Me too! Congrats you skeevy drunk godless perv!


experbia

Me three! There's dozens of us! If you'll excuse me, I need to leave now for the anonymous, gay, group sex LAN party with a full bar that my Satanist friends invited me to before we all get high and protest the inclusion of religion in the legislative process. I really enjoyed rewatching the videos of the last one, after all. And, if I'm too late, I'll miss the Bible burning, and I have money on it taking less than 5 minutes to go. Money I intend to donate to LGBT outreach organizations, so I don't want to fuck it up! (it was surprisingly hard to incorporate all of the ones I ticked off in that.)


Manuels-Kitten

I scored a 10...


Darcress

Also 10, I am surprised he didn't mention anime, manga, vegan/vegetarian...... maybe this is an early version?


seimmuc_

It says revision 21.27


pollock89

Well done! Can someone call the Pope and see what kind of numbers he can get?


LavitzOfBasil

That was one of my 14. Bless you, child.


pollock89

LMAO


jimmy_talent

Damn, I only got a 9.


ImAOneTrackLover

Me too. We gotta pump up those sins. I think I'm going to run for Pope.


DuckingAwesomeGaming

Got a 13, so close...


slappy47

Pfft... I scored 20. GiT gUd...


0110010001110111

Your holiness.


ArtofWASD

Matthew 7:1 nuff said.


padropadro22

Why does he have a durag on lmao.


impatientpantrymoth

Unruly hair strands? Believe it or not, straight to ~~jail~~ hell.


candyman1092

Holding a sign up in the street for too long, jail. We have the best sign holders in the world because of jail.


Maleznailz

I came here for both, someone asking why he has a durag on, and a reference to that Fred Armisen bit. Reddit did not disappoint.


psnow212

Believe it or not coming here for both “someone asking why he has a durag on, and a reference to that Fred Armisen bit, straight to jail.” Viva Chavez!


jaguarbillionaire

God doing wave-checks


CaffeinatedMother

Is this a check list ?


Black-Thirteen

Yes, but I'm going to cross out pope and sports buff. No aspirations of becoming pope, and I'm not much of a sportball fan.


Botinha93

Why? Becoming a Pope is really easy, just make your application at the ULC (careful with the fake sites) and you can call yourself Pope officially! I will eventually buy a knight title and together with my position on the clergy gain the right to proclaim myself a templar.


drk2399

I’m still trying to get pope checked off


lontderfy

"says here you logged over 1200 hours on CIV VI?" ***straight to hell***


etherarcher

If I've only got 1199 hours can I get in to heaven? I swear I fell asleep one night for an hour while playing so that shouldn't count!


lontderfy

I'm sorry, the simple act of purchasing a Civ game makes you a hardcore gamer, the acceptable answers were Pac - Man, Temple Run, and Tetris.


etherarcher

Whelp... At least it looks like there will be some fun people down there with me!


CosmicCreeperz

It’s ok, it doesn’t count as long as you evangelize Christianity and promise to wipe out all of the other Civs.


adamhanson

And he got all that from: Rev 21:27 “And nothing unclean may come into it, or anyone whose works are cursed or false; but only those whose names are in the Lamb's book of life.” Add much??


Xivannn

It would really be something else if all that sign text was there in the original script, term by term, in the original language, and contemporaries not having the slightest clue what most of the mentioned terms actually refer to. That's not how things work on so many levels, of course. Considering that the book expects the reader to believe in supernatural stuff in it for real, however, I don't think mysteries at that level would be too much to ask.


jawz

That is a hilarious and interesting thought. How could one translate a language that includes discussion of technology that wont exist for thousands of years? Especially if just briefly mentioned without description.


fuckprecalc

>Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, [10] Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. ... Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.


adamhanson

So a different verse. Still doesn’t cover the gamers pope and Sports bars at least


fuckprecalc

I imagine the "hardcore gamers" and "sports buff" thing is probably about idolatry. I imagine the pope is because these guys are like westboro baptist or adjacent and hate all catholics.


adamhanson

Mayhaps


BAMdalorian

Murderers, rapists, and pedophiles are 👌


paputsza

He literally left out all of the commandments.


Emperor-Valtorei

Well, yeah, that's normalized in these religious cults.


no0bmaster-669

And racists


ensalys

Don't forget the genocidal slave owners, god thinks those people are just lovely...


AFG_bullet

Why is me “Muslim” in that list? Like how come there’s no Hindu, Jewish, Buddhist? Man I love it how people fear me when I haven’t done them wrong and have clean and good intentions towards them.


_Seij_

the anti-islam sentiment in the US is honestly despicable


CuttingEdgeRetro

There's only so much space on the sign. Maybe last week's sign included other false religions.


kadoskracker

It's because of stereotyping. Which all American parents teach their children from the moment they can learn anything at all. They may not directly say anything, but actions speak louder than words. Honestly, the few great Muslim people I know are the most caring, hard working, and greatest friends. Not just trying to toot a horn or anything, I'm sincere in this.


Leo_Stormdryke

Ikr smh. We're even part of the Abe Trio. In all seriousness I wonder why he thought sports buffs are denied heaven (not that he's right about any of them). Maybe cus he saw Footloose (2011) and was inspired by the uncle denying his nephew to watch the football game on a Sunday.


ReasonablyBadass

Why is anything on that list? Because that guy needs enemies to look down at to feel good about himself.


impatientpantrymoth

As a homosexual gamer I’m fucking doomed I guess lmao


International_Ad5296

Two negatives make a positive you’re going to heaven!!


Seco4800

A loophole has been found! Quick! Exploit! Exploit!!


tylerwillie

Quick someone let me suck their dick


Seco4800

I'll suck yours if you suck mine. Then we'll both get them golden tickets to the pearly gates!


Significant_Walk_664

Oh, well I fit multiple categories, so I better start doing some math


Unwashed_villager

Well, he said hardcore gamer. If you are a casual then it's ok.


starmartyr

Is the same thing true for homosexuality? Can you get into heaven if you only do gay stuff on the weekend?


LordBinz

Well, it doesnt say "Hardcore Homosexual", so you are shit out of luck there buddy.


ardyndidnothingwrong

On the plus side, you won’t spend afterlife without those people. We can game, gamble, and fuck in hell


Braydee7

Rev 21:27 was ahead of its time to be sure. When the early christians were putting the books of the bible together they were like - "yeah this doesn't make sense now, but it will in 2000 years or so"


Szoreny

No idle stick wiggler or gnasher of button nor one who lets a piece of silver for idol sound and light is fit to say 'I fucked your mother' before the Lord amen.


AcidStar1

How does a pothead not enter heaven when the good book clearly states that God gave mankind all seed bearing plants on earth for their use? Pot. Cannabis. A seed bearing plant. Monks used to brew beer and I bet it was better than the corporate sludge we have to drink. Smh. I am 100% at times enraged that people like this are what people think real Christians are like. But then again I don't sub to the false doctrines of church's and mainstream Christianity and I've read a few of the missing parts so...


Unwashed_villager

If I would have a dime for every contradiction in the Bible then I would be Jeff Bezos.


CuttingEdgeRetro

If cannabis is used for medicinal purposes, it's fine. If it's used to get high, it's a problem. Same for alcohol. Beer was made because stored water was often dangerous to drink. The bible is pretty clear on alcohol though. Drinking is fine. Being drunk is not. You can apply the same reasoning to cannabis. There are probably a lot of christians out there who would clutch their pearls at the thought of using cannabis for medicinal purposes though.


kurisu7885

If you're enjoying sports you're not at church filling the collection plate.


Barf_The_Mawg

Why is the sign being held by what looks like a self-loving, pot head, hardcore gamer finally leaving his mom's basement?


Dafuknboognish

\*Roommate's basement


ShallowBasketcase

Just because you live with your mom doesn’t make her your roommate.


TacoManifesto

No liars go to heaven? Guess we are all going to hell


gordo20002000

lol gamer..why? playing Tetris brings you to hell now..fml


beatles910

I'm equally confused by "sports buff."


reaganrain97

I love how im half of these things lmaooo


Keshire

Do you go to a worse hell if you check off more than one?


bboycire

You are going to Super Hell!


Zenmanc

What a total load of shit.


HabitOk6839

these people really confuse me because im christian and i play videogames all the time 🤨🤨🤨


johnny_boy757

Clarification wanted. Is the “potty mouth” one for people who swear or people who just like their mouths used like a public toilet? I mean like shit smeared all over, piss guzzling down my throat, and no toilet paper; only my tongue to clean the asses of the masses. Asking for a friend.


TheRealDealTys

What the fuck? As a Christian this is so stupid whoever made this understands legit nothing about our religion it’s about forgiveness there’s legit nothing wrong with gaming 😂


StuffinYrMuffinR

Thats an awful lot of colors for someone that's anti LGBT


ElCabronDelMundo

Why are politicians and lawyers not on that list?


2legittoquit

What does the bible say about white guys in durags?


godfucker69

This dude hates everyone. There’s not even one person on this planet that is not at least in one of these categories.


montana757

Don't rope us in with them sports buff people


bigfaturm0m

If it wasn't clear enough, the Bible doesn't exactly say that. Also, I got 7.5/20, what do I win?


TheFrogTalks

Which one is the half point?


Unusualandyman

Hashtag hellmaxxing as the youths say


juicyterminator

The pope


Milla4Prez66

Someone should tell this to all those athletes who thank god every time they win something.


ayhamwndbg

Im a liar, greedy pig, potty fucking mouth,and hardcore gamer


Wonderful-Zebra-6439

Thank god I'm a casual gamer 😇


The_Mandahooligan

I love how pothead drunkard etc are on here but not general drug addict, so can't smoke pot or drink booze, but were gonna let meth slip on by.


Unwashed_villager

What if I'm a hardcore gamer who slays demons in Doom or Diablo?


PlayTheHits

“Stop enjoying yourself.” -Jesus… apparently


twec21

I mean, if the pope ain't getting in I might as well play games


SoWokeIdontSleep

Probably shouldn't have teabagged God after we 360 no scoped them


BIPOne

With their logic, heaven would be an empty place. ​ And why does the POPE not enter heaven??????


Option-Lazy

Revelations is the dumbest book in the Bible. It's written by a freaking schizophrenic who lived and died decades after Jesus. It has no relation to most of what Jesus said and isn't much more than a fever dream.


DaddyDoesBest

Im not listening to anything a white guy with a do rag on his head has to say.


slewsley

Rev 21:27 “Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s book of life.” Hardcore gaming is as pure as gaming gets, it’s just those deceitful respawn campers and shameful ninja looters who aren’t getting in :)


Obi-Wan-Oblivious

Isn’t that like 99.9999% of the population of earth???


MaskedMan8

I used to work across the street from there lol. There’s always someone preaching some shit there


likalllabmusic

What is sports buff? and poffy mouth?


gordo20002000

It's potty mouth. American expression for foul mouth using curse words and profanity. Sports buff..is easy a guy who likes sports and is very buff meaning in great physical muscular strength. 😏


Sick_Cicada

I'm a hard-core gamer who only plays Bible Adventures on NES.. check-mate!