Thanks for sharing. I read a couple pages then skimmed the rest. I don’t see any egregious grammar, formatting or punctuation mistakes. Note that, for dialogue, you should write it as “Dialogue,” she says - not “Dialogue.” She says. But that’s a minor thing. I’d say my main qualm with the piece is the dialogue feels incredibly distant and robotic (if the idea is these characters are supposed to be emotionless, apathetic or borderline alien since they’re gods or what-have-you, then I guess it hits the mark, but it wasn’t engaging to read their conversations either way.) Good luck!


Thank-you very much for your feedback, the advice is super helpful. I’m going to think over what you have said.