T O P

If this doesn’t convert you on the spot, nothing will

If this doesn’t convert you on the spot, nothing will

Kaduu01

The way it just kind of blatantly states *"admit you deserve punishment"* is disgusting. No, *I don't.* For what? For loving someone? For being true to who I am? For being kind to the wrong kind of people? For doubting Bronze Age fairytales? For enjoying my life? For breing curious and inquisitive? For wanting freedom and joy? The only punishment I might accept is the one for any *actual* crimes as agreed by real law, not eternal torment for silly little *"sins"* because some rotten fantasy book said so. Oh, and the one I consent to, haha, but that's between my special friends and I. ✨


DoubtingCastle

I find it useful in conversation with apologists for them to emphatically confirm their own depravity before letting them start their script. Note that there is no pressure from my position at all, they will freely condemn themselves on those charges. Of course, my obvious follow up to their self-indictment is, "So why should I listen to you?"


Kaduu01

That's very good! I really like that, I'll actually use that myself if the situation comes up. Then again, I can probably expect some pretty annoying reply like *"you're not listening to me, you're listening to Jesus"* or whatever.


DoubtingCastle

I'll see that and raise them this: If Paul did not believe Jesus was God before his personal miraculous revelation, why should I believe Jesus is God without a personal miraculous revelation of my own?


young_olufa

That’s great. I commonly hear Christians say that even if god revealed himself in an obvious way to people, they wouldn’t believe anyway, so there’s no point. I’ll have to remember to use Paul as a rebuttal


StStoner

I've just been agreeing and saying this "alright you converted me. It just makes me sad that billions will burn forever. At least its them and not us right?


iioe

Yep, a proselytizer tried to tell me “you need to repent!” And I responded “for what?”


Emily_Gurl7

I might get one of these and goto church one last time and put it in the offering plate


Appropriate_Topic_16

This is fucking genius


Sy4r42

Super funny, but not worth going to church for.


iioe

Mail it to a church. Tell them to use it “for the kids”


TxCoastal

mail it.


greenmachine8885

You could start a profitable business mailing these to atheists for exactly that purpose


Ashamed-Ad-497

Haha and make a bunch of copies and put it in the plate every single sunday...when they ask for donations on t.v. mail in the fake check with an I.O.U. written on the back 😂😂😭😭😭


Emily_Gurl7

Lol we should all copy them and flood Kenneth Copeland Ministries with them. All in different types envelopes so they don't know which ones they are.


Ashamed-Ad-497

Hahaha omg that would be epic!!


third_declension

Expect Christians to use it as a tip in a restaurant.


ImDoneForToday2019

I hate how much that's accurate. Damn.


BrucieThePerturbed

I figured that was where it already came from.


donkeykickdickslap

C'mon though, what's more valuable than eternal life???


captainmcfuckface

death?


justAHeardOfLlamas

I thought Jeebus used PrayPal


HarshCritic5995

Eternal life is great but is it gonna pay my fucking bills? Rents due in 3 days Larry!


wombelero

I like how the first 2 endorsement are from parts in the gospels that have been added later in the manuscripts and are not from the original authors (whoever that might have been).


gorrwasright

Came here to say this! Gotta love it


chain_shift

Wow, do they not have a proofreader? >*To deepen this relationship you must:* > >*....* > >*7. God has blessed America's heritage* \--> Grammatically, number 7 is not even in the imperative. At least the other 8 points were syntactically consistent ("read" "talk" "start" etc.). \--> They also mix the spelling "Savior" *and* "Saviour"...on the same page! What's with the random British spelling on this GOD LOVES MURCA sheet?! Speaking of, pretty weird to twist a millennia-old religion into being all about a country that hasn't even existed for 3 centuries. The fact that it ends in big letters with "America... God shed his grace on thee"--a statement definitely *not* from the Bible--says it all. Like, do they make a different version for every country? Does the version distributed in Canada say "[God bless you, Canada](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbG8aFougOc)" at the end? I mean, they're already using half British spellings anyway...


iioe

> The fact that it ends in big letters with "America... God shed his grace on thee"--a statement definitely not from the Bible--says it all. I think this line is from "America the Beautiful"? Anyway I don't want that guy's grace. Did you see what he did to his own kid? Or that city he carpet bombed?


what-29a

> How to cash this check... No thanks, i'll just burn/recycle it


Aquareon

Staple this to the back: >Suppose there’s a group traveling about your area, led by a charismatic speaker who claims the world is ending soon. He promises he alone can save you, but you must sell your belongings, devote your life to him, and cut off family members who try to stop you. > >He may also assign you a new name / identity, advise you to leave your home and job in order to follow him, and says that if you don’t love him more than your own family then you’re not worthy of him. His followers wrote a book about him in which he performs many miraculous feats, but no contemporaneous outside source corroborates these claims. > >What sort of group is that?


iioe

F that Hell Banknotes are like only $3 for 800 million hellbucks and there are no conditions applied


SectionXP12

The Get out of Hell free card lol


ImDoneForToday2019

I used to be Baptist, so I'm good. Once saved, always saved, right??? /s


donkeykickdickslap

They'd just tell you that you never were saved. Cause that's definitely how that works


ImDoneForToday2019

Surprisingly, they would be accurate. What they don't realize is that they aren't "saved" either. They just don't know it.


acp1284

I always find it interesting when believers bombard you with bible verse references. Like it’s some sort of magical incantation, and poof, now you are a Christian.


SectionXP12

Oh good, Money and Christianity are two things that need each other like a mosquitoe is to blood.


RailfanAZ

Man, my check bounced. Stupid nonsufficient funds.


Colorado_Girrl

Just a friendly reminder to please flair posts correctly :) I got it for you this time!


DogSRoOL

Cringe to the point of gagging.


Eternity_Incarnate

Ooh! More scrap paper for me to write magick words on before I burn it!


Ashamed-Ad-497

I wonder if my landlord would take this as pymt?


xwrecker

I prefer the get outta jail free cards


cndrow

Personally, those are my favorite. They get me every time 🤦🏻


generalkenobi2304

I'm convinced. I've now joined the Christianity sub.


virgilreality

Mine came back stamped with "Insufficient Funds".


aliaenorr

I don’t wanna live forever lol that sounds like hell itself.


captainmcfuckface

this shit. The “…eth” crap.