T O P

Leaked image of Germany's strategy plan for today's football match

Leaked image of Germany's strategy plan for today's football match

NTyp

Damn, I don't even want to know what advanced tactics they used against Brazil...


RedKrypton

Brasil would actually be relatively easy to showcase. Just take a football field and drop a nuke on it representing the shattering of Brasilian national pride by German ingenuity.


dolphone

Add the dude hugging the world cup replica with that broken look on his face for extra points.


holuuup

Rip to him


bbcversus

He was one of a kind!


TohaHeavyIndustries_

Now he's none of a kind


HentaiInTheCloset

I swear I've seen that 1-7 is like 9/11 for some Brazilians


implicitumbrella

I love that pornhub had to request people stop uploading the game to the humiliation category


YouKnowTheRules123

Wait what


ModsRDingleberries

Indeed


NooaJ

it took every fiber of my being to not spit my toothpaste all over when reading this


dieinafirenazi

I watched the first half of that game in a pizza shop/sports bar. This big Brazilian family had got big table with the best view of their giant TV, got pitchers of beer and soda and a bunch of pizzas, just ready for the best day. The dad was in tears at halftime. Just crying quietly in his seat as they all sat in stunned silence. I had to leave, I just couldn't witness it anymore. The game was even interesting.


bethedge

That’s so sad and I didn’t even know that game happened


yopladas

It's the recent world cup in Brazil. Germany just steamrolled the Brazilian national team. The game was unique in that I think the Germans relented after a bit. I'm a Germany fan and it was confusing and a little bit hard to watch.


Thearcticfox39

I am British, was hard to watch for everyone. Never have I seen the Brazilians routed so utterly on the field. Admittedly there was some glee to be had at first.


diosexual

The Brazilian goalkeeper had a nervous breakdown or something after the game iirc.


Panzerkampfwagen-5

So did the defence center, he broke down crying. It was the hardest defeat Brazil ever suffered and it was at their own World Cup. Must have hit real hard. I personally was in Stuttgart Germany drunk screaming celebratory into the night with half the city


CoronaMcFarm

Yeah it was insane, I was in Croatia and we were looking for a free table at a place showing the match, by the time we sat down they had scored 3 times.


blahblahrandoblah

It was amazing. Don't feel sorry for them, they should be ashamed of themselves. It's not like that had 8 men on the field they were just shite.


sasemax

I'm Danish, so I didn't have any skin in the game, but man I felt bad for the Brazilians.


walter_midnight

I don't think 9/11 was nearly as devastating for Americans


NakedNecromancer

Americans have to remind themselves not to forget 9/11, Brazil can't forget 1-7


prollyjustsomeweirdo

A very humbling experience for them. I think they needed that to modernize their tactics and their football in general. They'll be back, no doubt.


mathuesgansus

It is


InBordeaux

I remember guy went to the toilets at the bar, all were in green except like 5 Germans, he came back to idk 3 or 4 goals, his brain just got stuck.


yopladas

The goals were really really fast. I thought I was seeing a replay of a previous goal, but it was actually a new one.


RoboticShiba

It quickly became a meme and a saying. "Everyday a different 7-1", when things go bad.


redlaWw

I was surprised to see it referenced in the anime [Assassination Classroom](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wov1ExFt8GI).


AnGallchobhair

Brazil tried to emulate Soviet tactics, but retreating and waiting for winter was a mistake in South America.


manebushin

Unrestricted submarine warfare


American-_-Nightmare

U-boat


catch-a-stream

Ironically enough, that's not the tactic they used against France either. It went the other way around, Germans feinted they were going to attack from Belgium, drawing most of French to Belgian border, but then advanced from Luxemburg and then turned North, cutting off French Army from Paris (and the goal post).


drb1988

Finally scrolled enough to find this. The image is inaccurate because it is a mix from WW1 and WW2. The arrow directions are the Von Schlieffen plan for World War One, but the Maginon Line was in World War Two.


phlyingP1g

That's the job of 7


X0AN

One that actually worked. Germany have no change against France. Spain battered Germany 6-0. They are nowhere near the same team that beat Brazil.


TheOneCommenter

They infiltrated them already, so it’ll be an inside job


SaltwaterOtter

They kept the appearance of friendship for a bit, then sunk our boats pretty hard.


Greedy-Sprinkles-617

Wouldn't they just clone 10 Franz Beckenbauer and one Sepp Maier?


RedTomatoSauce

Poland is safe. For today.


swaggyrogers

Poland Has been already anexed by chechoslovakia, at least by a part of it.


Stercore_

Zapadoslavia when?


asser52

Polish-Czechoslovakian commonwealth


Currywurst_Is_Life

The Lithuanians would like a word.


Kyrias

They had their chance.


Schapsouille

Czepolskavakia


danil1798

Czechoslovakia didn't exist back then already. Slovakia attacked Poland together with Germany. They did it yesterday again.


Chemiczny_Bogdan

Just without the Germans. But yeah, I got the 1939 Podhale vibes.


sergeant-grumbles

To be fair Poland was happy to take their cut of Czech lands when the opportunity presented itself at Munich.


predek97

Just like the Czechs were happy to take their cut of Polish lands when the opportunity presented itself and Soviet Army stood just outside Warsaw


BukayoMartinelli

They'd already been partitioned by this point


Destromann

Cant wait till Spain gets our asses ;DdDD


Niko2065

Were they ever at war once? Why am I getting bood? It's just a question...


Sirpotet

During the "second weltkrieg"? The spanish sent volunteers to fight on the eastern front.


sorigah

nope, germany pushed into polish territory.


Whereishumhum-

Poland cannot into safety.


Beru73

What's Germany's technique when they play Argentina? They wear Argentina's jerseys and blend on the other side?


Stelum

When they play Italy they send a few Fütball Corps over to help them win since they clearly cannot do it themselves


LewisDftw

But Italy still lose


SaltwaterOtter

Italy switches sides at half time


rottolo

You cannot lose if you are always on the side of the winner


simovenx

it literally happened one time only. 2006 best year pf my life


Prisencolinensinai

Italy has like 20 wins for each loss against Germany in the national teams, it's the most uneven relation among strong countries (that have won a world Cup of almost did)


I_r_hooman

Better than Argentina vs England where they all compete over an insignificant part of the pitch by the sideline.


C8Mixto

I mean, it kinda makes sense for England, as that part of the field near the Argentinean goal. One has to wonder why Argentina decided attacking there was a good idea, though.


Clashur

Can't wait 'til America joins the tourney in the semis and then steals some of the German players for the World ~~Paperclip~~ Cup to follow


enbeez

An accurate meme would have 1 French defender at the Maginot, the goalkeeper in Paris and the rest in Flanders while the Germans play throughballs through the Ardennes. I demand meme accuracy!


dhebebehhs

Agree. These peeps didn’t read the whole article


lupatine

Or reddit could get creative and stop with WWII.


noah_f

Not today Germany. The line holds


YannisBE

So now Belgium is in danger, right?


noah_f

The German Blitzkrieg had a slow start by then the French had time to build back their defence and had a late offensive attack of their own only to be an offside call. The 🇧🇪 will be fine in the Bugle.


melclic

Not with Kante they won't


ironwolf1

They say water covers 70% of the planet and Kante covers the rest


razvan9310

Less than 2 minutes after reading this comment, the commentator of the TV channel where I was watching the game made the same joke. I had a little wtf moment


the_silent_kebabbaro

Are you italian? Because the Italian one did the same identical joke


lasttoswim

Or danish, because the danish one did as well!


domoon

the commentators are all here lol


DrZomboo

So did the Scottish one on ours! He said he apparently heard it from Emmanuel Petit


lasttoswim

If all of these people are saying it, it must be true!


Currywurst_Is_Life

I first heard that joke about 40 years ago referring to Phillies outfielder Garry Maddox.


joyful-

I dont even know much baseball but I've heard that name, no wonder they made that joke about him


70125

Charles Woodson in the NFL too.


shakeil123

Ally McCoist?


Dowyflow

Kante = the Maginot line


MonsieurFred

Kante = the extended Maginot line including the boarder with Begium, Italy, Atlantic ocean, and the sky


dolphone

I take it Kante is a good defender?


Zeak2

A very good defensive midfielder. It is said that 70% of the world is covered by water, and the rest is covered by Kante


MnkyMcFck

Less than 2 minutes after reading this comment, the commentator of a previous comment I was reading made the same joke. I had a little wtf moment


Beavshak

Are you a Redditor? Because someone on Reddit did the same identical joke


Don_Mahoon

Very dominant midfielder whose job is more or less to shield the defense from threats oncoming from the midfield. He does his job incredibly well.


Polar_Reflection

They would still be vulnerable to subterranean attacks though


endgame00

On ne passe pas


Bonjourap

Don't say can't when it's the French that Kante!


ldn6

Am Chelsea fan. Can confirm.


_Rainer_

I doubt the current version of Germany could just breeze through Belgium.


shugh

Fuck, it failed again.


ShrekGollum

We replaced the Maginot line by the Kanté-Pogba line. It goes from the channel to the Alps now. We are extending it to the Méditerranée and to the Pyrenees just in case.


asser52

I just can't This is too funny


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Bluearctic

Instructions unclear, invaded Thuringen


Niko2065

And nothing of value was lost.


NedelC0

Oh man I can't stop laughing either


__hrga__

That means you are a French fan


Superpetros17

r/agedlikemilk


JJOne101

This Germany wouldn't make it past Belgium.


Niko2065

We bloody invaded ourselves!


abcdfghijklmnopq

r/agedlikemilk


gkarq

And somehow they will still manage to lose.


dolphone

Some would say they got stabbed in the back today.


Niko2065

Eigentorlegende.


LKeyyy

Well, historically they got ahead pretty early but still lost in the long run...


Three_Trees

That arrow is too high up, the Ardennes is in the south of Belgium. The German plan was about luring the Allies up towards the Netherlands then cutting them off. It wasn't just about avoiding Maginot. I realize that's nothing to do with this joke though, so sorry to be a pedant.


jeffp12

Maginot line was built after ww1, to allow french army to be stationed on the belgian border. Then blitzkrieg was to go through ardennes and cut them off. The wide swing through Belgium is ww1 schlieffen plan, but Maginot line is ww2, and maginot enabled them to move troops to block the wide swing, not bottled up behind Maginot. This meme cant decide which world war its shooting for


goforajog

Just what I was coming here to say. If you take away the words Maginot Line and just replaced them with "French defensive first" then it would be a great WW1 meme. I feel like we might have killed the joke...


icomment65

Are the referees waiting in nuremburg?


spongemongler

r/soccercirclejerk calling for their post back Edit: even the title is the same. At least be a little original my man lol


TheRufmeisterGeneral

What is soccer? This is about football.


Brabant-ball

Football was unfortunately already claimed by the Americans who were too lazy to call the subreddit amerficanfootball


elvagabundotonto

Even though their FOOTball is mostly played by hand... American Rugby would have made more sense.


thoseduckingangels

The Brits are so used to invading first they don’t even know what to do when they get beat


navetzz

I like how Elsass is on the German half of the field.


Sven806

And the Saarland is on the French side. They can have it.


andy18cruz

Did Saarland jokes started because it was only incorporated into western Germany a few years after the rest of the regions or its a joke from even before ww2?


Sven806

Nothing to do with ww2, it's mainly incest jokes.


andy18cruz

Yes, but is Saarland single out because it only joined in 1957? And before that was a special region with some control by the French army after ww1 (and until the Nazis reincorparated fully in to Germany in the 30's)


jdmachogg

It’s not singled out, all of Germany has jokes about other regions


Pflaumenmus101

Saarland and Alsace were on-off regions between France and Germany(s) for a long time. But the average Saarland jokes are usually about incest.


2M4D

Alsace* Non mais oh !


H0agh

/r/Agedlikemilk EDIT: OP, you totally stole this from https://old.reddit.com/r/soccercirclejerk/comments/o0ck60/leaked_image_of_germanys_startegy_against_france/ Shame on you OP for not crediting the actual OP.


Gilalad

On ne passe pas


simsimsim3000

This aged well lol


LeoMarius

Vive les bleus! 🇫🇷


Sourdcrew94

Well done


Riseofthesalt

One of them pointed his gun the wrong way


Murderwithkindness

Somehow this manages to insult both the French and the Germans at the same time.


mdewals

I see why this tactic failed. Belgium is in different group than France and Germany


DCer0

Going through Belgium was a mistake


xyannick3

Once not twice


jerrylovesbacon

France won. History repeats itself.


Donats00

Surely the German can’t pass trough that part, the grass is too thick


Bricalgon

We have Kimpembe and Varane along Alsace Lorraine as Maginot line. But this time, we had Kante along Belgium, and Pogba IN Belgium to kick them in the nuts


NormalPersonE

France has completed the focus *Extend the Maginot Line*


D1WithTheFluffyHair

But in the end, Germany was done in by a collaborationist


frawwguette

As a French it feels wrong to laugh at this


Aelig_

It's okay just blame Belgium and our honour is safe


lupatine

Oui enfin c'est pas drôle. Encore un énième même sur la seconde guerre mondiale et le french surrender monkey. Woah quelle créativité ! 👏


2inchtip1inchshaft

It’s gonna be a blitzkrieg of a match


GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B

Felt more like trench warfare for the first half of the game


JussiCook

Tactics!!


Baracca0o

It seems that this time the plan didn't work out, as always the german shoot themselves in the foot.


the-ATM-machine

Or shoots themselves in the bunker.


DudAcco

If it will not succeed the Germans will be Füherious.


jepnet72

SPOILER! Wait


raneb

I didnazi that coming. 😱


comrade_comrade_

*sad german noises*


SmileYouSonOfA

Haha, World Wars 😀


agentgingerman

How the fuck did they manage to do so well... AND STILL SCORE AN OWN FUCKING GOAL


Sigmatics

Given recent developments, I believe the arrow should point in the opposite direction


Bicentennial_Douche

That map actually looks more like German line of advance from WW1, not WW2.


Solignox

Well that aged poorly.


Beat_Saber_Music

Historical fact of the day: France knew Germany would come through the Ardennes and they had a plan for it with them defending the Maginot line to force the Germans into going through Belgium, where they would have their forces ready in advance. However the plan was messed upquite early by the new Belgian king kicking out the French troops in the name of "neutrality", and as such the whole plan was ruined as the French troops would have to first walk into Belgium before being able to dig in, instead of being dug in beforehand. Also the German tank rush through the Ardennes was a really risky move by the Germans as it was a desperate gamble to avoid a long battle in France. The French could've had aufficient forces in this part of the line, the Allies could have bombed the tanks stuck in a traffic jam from the air or any other thing could have lead to an easy disaster, but ridiculous amounts of problems caused by the convoluted and partially incapable leadership led to a siyuation where the Germans had enough luck to outmanouvre the French absolutley


zizou_president

on the French side, it could be the [Austerlitz](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Austerlitz) or the [Jena](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Jena%E2%80%93Auerstedt) strategy: so many to chose from !


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dantedidi

the "maginot line" words kinda ruins it, like that conservative cartoonist from the US. Good effort regardless.


Well1164

Belgium does not play today


alphabet_order_bot

Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 2,170,167 comments, and only 534 of them were in alphabetical order.


Kingfisher_ybw

Good bot


etothepi

A bot can do good, I like this.


alphabet_order_bot

Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 2,383,747 comments, and only 613 of them were in alphabetical order.


Il_Mazzo

I didn't know I wanted this bot until now


[deleted]

Good bot


SandInTheGears

That's what Belgium thinks


HT8674

They didn't wanna play in 1940 either


EdGeinIsMySugarDaddy

Coach Schlieffen helped put this one together.


Francafrique

We had our entire army in belgium, very inaccurate map.


Awesome_Romanian

Didn’t work that well did it lmao


Poglosaurus

Is that German humour?


Important_Morning271

This is much less funny with the map and the words drawn on. Subtlety is key.


DexMexGillarKex

This time France actually could defend themselves though


Netien

Aged like milk.


Thanos796

Laughed way too hard at this


Raider440

Seems more like the battle of the bulge to me now


medhok

Spoiler: they lost x) just sad they scored against .. themself, Kylian was ready to take the goal.


_Guven_

This tactic didn't work. We need new one :D


sober_disposition

Be careful though! Belgium might put up more of a fight than expected.


cutotor

Unfortunatly this doesn't work, cause we don't trust belgian to protect us anymore 😋


skippermonkey

Also Germany couldn’t beat Belgium anymore.


ratpoison987

Yikes lol


feelingnether

Napoleon is back tho ! We destroy the Holy Roman Empire.


Toadsted

"Left Fullback surrenders"


TheBestAtWriting

boring ass jokes for 13 year olds


-_-SHAZAM-_-

Blitzkrieg worked once why not again?


SpacecraftX

Schlieffen Plan 2: Blitzkrieg Boogaloo.


VaultBoyFrosty

The Ardennes? And who's the desert fox? I don't get this metaphor at all? SPAH-KEH-TEE


JohnNapalm

Danke schön Herr Hummels 😅


zemmerich

...And it failed like during ww1 10/10