Yes!
Them: Are you seeing anyone?
Me: Weeellllll… this year the best I could do was a 5 month pseudo relationship that ended with both of us blocking each other
Smh lol
This is exactly what I'm going through. No more of "is he still interested??" "Am i interested?"
My awkward ass dad did bring up to my aunt to introduce me to someone, which is really embarrassing to me. Then my aunt said that she knows someone but doesn't know whether he likes strong personalities. Oy
That’s good news! Sometimes a break is just the right thing to do. I took one for two months recently and felt completely at peace. Enjoy the holidays!
I would have killed to have somewhere to go.. my situations unique because my whole family moved away from my state to 3,300 miles away. Hope you had a Merry Christmas!!
Edit: sounded sarcastic, I’m religious it’s not; I genuinely wish everyone (even my toxic ex who I still pray for) a truly happy and Merry Christmas :)
Yeah. As a guy in this dating scene I can’t find a date for the life of me. Every girl I’ve talked to on the apps just ask for money. I’m about to just give up.
Eh, the stupid weather got in my way. Freezing rain, followed by a lot of snow with high wind has left most of the roads closed around my GF. Instead of seeing her and her kid on xmas eve, and then her coming over for the 2nd half of xmas after dropping Kid off at their dad's, it's been just me.
Not too bad in the grand scheme of things; it's the weather, not that I'm alone. But it does highlight that we're still in the earlier stages of dating. And while I hope that we make it to the later stages of relationship; I also don't want to rush there with my eyes closed.
Had a very eventful night with the woman I was confused about earlier. We clarified some stuff and had a very sweet but eventful night and it honestly went better than I thought it would. Not in a relationship yet but I think we both are looking that direction so...we'll see. Guard is still up but I think there's something there.
Apparently she's been talking about me to her friends and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't doing the same...so fingers crossed.
Well despite my flight getting delayed, I was able to make it to my parents for Christmas.
Meanwhile, I've been chatting with this woman since we matched on December 5th. We should have gone on a date long ago but she got Covid & I will be gone until this Friday. But we've been keeping in touch. We probably won't meet until after New Years but I do enjoy chatting with her & can't wait to meet her.
The guy I've had mostly good vibes about seemed to ghost me mid-week just as his holiday break started. After a few days he popped back up saying he was sorry and complaining about this (kind of cute but) small problem he has going on in his life and keeping the convo short. It's always embarrassing to have your texts left on read for days, but it also stung that he just talked about himself and didn't even ask how I was doing (this is my first holiday without my mom, in a new city, and I told him I'm going to be 100% alone and feeling pretty sad). I'm not so sure about wanting to meet again anymore.
On the flip side, I accidentally made a pen pal type match on OKC. Didn't realize they weren't in my city but it's been nice to talk to someone responsive after 2 months of "busy" guys locally. I've done a lot of long distance and not sure I want to go back to that, but I guess it depends how strong the connection builds. Honestly, considering I just spent Christmas alone I could probably use a pen pal if nothing else, haha.
Not good on a deeper level but I did keep myself pretty amused on a surface level, lol. It's been weird to lose the person who was basically my built-in best friend and realize that a lot of other relationships do stay pretty surface level...
I hope your Christmas was much more social and nice!
I imagine that'd be weird. OTOH some relationships are difficult to raise over surface level though... it definitely takes two.
My Christmas was Great! But I feel my NY will be the opposite sigh 😬 we'll see. In any case here's to an excellent 2023
I’m back home for the holidays. It was really nice to see my whole family (almost) through Christmas.
I’m keeping in touch with my current guy who I’ve been on three dates with so far. We text every day and he called me on Christmas Eve as he said he would, which was lovely. He has offered to pick me up from the airport when I’m back, even though I arrive reaaally late at night and he has to work the day after (he wakes up at 5 am on workdays). It’s really sweet of him! This kind of stuff only accelerates my emotional involvement.
Things feel good so far.
Hello, it’s me again. I feel like I’m just using these threads as a diary, but oh well. The guy I’m dating doesn’t text as much as I’d like to. But I kinda get it, holidays, right? Still, I looked at our first month or so of texting and that was a good chunk and I wish it would have stayed like that.
I was thinking about this last night, bc my guy is also not texting as much as I’d like. I was trying to get to the route of why it causes me so much anxiety? Like, I would never expect any of my friends or family to text me multiple times a day, and when a friend doesn’t text me back for hours or even days I don’t care at all. Why is it so important that my partner texts me back quickly and more often? I honestly couldn’t find a logical answer to this, which somewhat eased my anxiety about the whole thing.
Same, but that type of texting cannot be maintained. Though I often wish it was like it was (we still text everyday, and he texts me every morning and night), I know that isn't reasonable. People have lives and when he texts me at times yet I'm too busy to reply, at times for hours, it's a good reminder he's just as busy if not more, too. Nothing else has changed, we see the bigger picture.
But it’s the holidays! 😭 and I like banter texting, nothing really important, just random topics. I understand, but why can’t we have - for example - an hour or two of continuous texting, even just once a week?
I’m in the same boat - texts every day but mostly just morning check ins and good nights.
I was the only single adult at the family Christmas dinner this year, which wasn't as hard as I was fearing, though I still had a few moments of feeling empty inside.
General vent: I'm tired of people saying you should "be happy being single". I'm doing all the right things: making new friends, spending time with family and close friends, investing time in hobbies, advancing my career, and yet I still feel a relationship-shaped void in my life. I'm not saying I'm miserable all the time or anything, but I think I need a healthy relationship to feel true happiness and contentment with my life as a whole, and I suspect most people are the same. Why is it considered unhealthy to admit this truth?
I discussed this with my therapist and it's not that it's bad to want a relationship, it's more about the feeling of imbalance or emptiness without one. Finding a good partner takes time and effort and lots of disappointment along the way - if you are dissatisfied with your life without another human, I think it gets hard to attract the kind of companion you need.
One of the reasons my therapist identified for why I feel imbalanced without a partner is because I was raised by a dad who showered me in constant and consistent validation—about my appearance, my talents, my intellect, and so on. He still does, to this day. It made me reliant on consistent external validation from a male figure and I'm trying to work through being more stable in my self-esteem now. I believe I will meet the right person who will want to do life with me, I just need to cultivate the patience and self-assurance to not give up. It's the lack of self-assurance that is unhealthy. Nobody wants to end up alone, just gotta hold on until the right companion comes along.
Sounds like you're doing all the right things in the mean time. Hang in there, you've got this 💕
The girl I've been seeing is pretty awesome. Things have been going way faster than I expected, and we talked about it this weekend and I feel like she had the perfect response to my concerns.
She said
I was thinking the same thing, this is a lot faster than I would normally be comfortable with, but I think as long as we recognize that whatever our relationship is as being different than how we feel it is okay. We can feel how we feel emotionally, but whatever we define as our relationship doesn't need to represent our feelings.
--
I guess I just never thought about how you can give yourself permission to have emotions that maybe are a little exaggerated as long as you level it out before making important decisions.
We've been talking since mid November, I was out of town until December and we've probably spent 1/3rd of the days together since then. Met some of each other's closest friends and I've talked to her brother. We've had like 10 dates in the span of 3 of weeks and I was sick for a whole week of that time so really like 10 dates in 2 weeks
Wait, what did he do?? This reminds me of when my ex-boss in Japan made people eat ghost peppers and just smiled while we cried and ran to the bathroom, lol. Hoping your case wasn't as intentional.
Had a decent drink date on Thursday, which was my Friday this weekend. She’s leaving on Wednesday for travel through the rest of January, so not sure if I’ll be able to see her before then. I did text her that I’d be interested in seeing her again, but the timing may drive a natural fade out. Ah well, ball is in her court.
Texted another woman who is also away for the holidays, wishing her a Merry Christmas. Radio silence.
I get it, people are busy during the holidays. Just makes it that much tougher to establish and/or maintain connections.
Overall though, I feel so relaxed after an insanely busy 3 weeks at work before now. No work until January, so I will be lazy as hell until then to recharge.
My weekend was great, had a lot of fun and was with my a friend that I mentioned here before.
My best friend is passing through a relatioship thing where he is so cute being so great with her, she likes him a lot but he seems not interested, but instead of being not interested like that, he keeps showing sighs of affection and his gift for her was so thoughtful that hurts that he is not that interested.
I worry about her but I tried my best to keep her busy, and Im going to be with her on new years eve. With all of this I forgot, that I am alone and by myself, but I am more worries about her than myself.
So I can only say that it went better that I expected
I try my best to be but sometimes I feel I could more... but I cant force anything.
She was so worried about these things that she kinda felt guilty that didnt pay any attention to me, but its fine, I just want her to be fine and seeing her smile is the best thing.
We‘ve been texting quite a lot with Museum Guy over Christmas, more so than we usually do. I know it’s totally vain and silly but knowing he still had time to text me and reply to me while he’s with his family felt very… I don’t know, affirming? He’s a bigger texter and social media user than I am but he’s been good at gently lifting me to his level of communication without it feeling overwhelming or like a chore, and if either of us is busy then there’s never any anxiety about us not texting as often. Another thing I like about him is that if he ever goes on for an unusually long time not responding to something I asked about (like 12 hours left on read by accident kind of thing), he sends a nice message to say sorry and says why he missed the message. I wouldn’t expect him to do that and know that sometimes his work makes him very busy, but I appreciate that he’s always so consistent and considerate with his texting.
I dunno, just an observation that I really like his communication style when we’re apart for longer stretches of time. I don’t think there’s ever been a time when I’ve felt nervous or anxious about anything he’s done or not done. And any time when I’m being open or vulnerable or get a bit shy with him he always hugs me and asks me if I’m ok and things like that just melt me because I’ve only ever been with guys who don’t pick up on stuff like that. Suddenly meeting someone who is securely attached and great at communicating is like… WHAT IS THIS AND WHY DOES IT FEEL GOOD??? 😂 I’ve previously been a dismissive avoidant type in my relationships with other avoidants and meeting this guy has made me learn how “healthy” people communicate. I feel like I’m actually becoming a bit better when I’m with him.
Spent Christmas Eve at my friend’s house with her family, and it was fun! She has two young sons and seeing them flip out about Santa was a hoot. Her husband climbed up on the roof and everything, it was great. I got a lava lamp in the gift exchange from her BIL, which I’m definitely putting in my new office.
I went rock hunting at my favorite beach today despite the cold and rainy weather, and I found a bunch of cool rocks and a chunk of rough amber!! I am so excited about finding amber, now I just want to find a fossil soon.
Guy friend is visiting his family in Idaho and sent me a Merry Christmas text and a super cute photo of his dog cuddling on the couch with his dad. Definitely still feeling bummed about this whole thing so texts like these are bittersweet, but happy to be friends with him and I think with time I will feel less bummed.
Oh gosh I’ve been MIA on and off from the sub for a month or so and just caught up on all your updates. I’m sad to hear it played out that way with his trip on the east coast. Texts like that can be so bittersweet
I love your art btw. So generous and thoughtful and beautiful, and to give a unique card with a poem every year, one must be so lucky to be your friend!
Gotta call the guy I have been seeing for 2 months, and probably refund his $500 plane tickets to come for NYE to my hometown, as I am really still feeling off after an incident between us 10 days ago. Dreading that chat, haven't been properly sleeping for days and feeling so fucking guilty.
Rave :) It was my first Christmas with my boyfriend and it was just so lovely. We exchanged gifts and I might have teared up a little because his was so thoughtful.
Last Christmas I was crying about some douche from Tinder and this Christmas I felt the opposite of lonely. It’s wild how much can change in a year!
I (31M) had been seeing a younger (26F) woman for about 10 weeks until today. Everything was going great… and then I accepted an invite to her family’s Christmas get together yesterday.
We arrive and the majority of her family is drinking and smoking. I’m not usually one to judge because I’ve been addicted to nicotine for ~9 years and drink occasionally… but have been clean most of this year (currently 5 months away from both altogether). Girl’s father was an alcoholic her whole childhood and was diagnosed as diabetic a few years back. Multiple members of her family asked her dad (who has been clean since his diagnosis) several times if he wanted a drink. He declined their offers. After I started receiving the same offers, I politely thanked everyone for the hospitality and left.
Now bare in mind, I did not even share how I actually felt about their behavior. Perhaps I put off a certain vibe with involuntary body language… but all I told her was that I felt uncomfortable and she said that she understood since she knows I’m recovering.
Girlfriend text messages me this morning saying that she refuses to continue seeing someone who can judge her family so harshly. She continued barraging me with texts about *my* problems and how it’s not going to work for her when I asked her to please meet me in person for a conversation. I really care about this girl and couldn’t hardly believe what I was reading. She insisted on continuing to… idk, I guess break up with me / insult me? Over several lengthy text messages.
Then there was the line that really struck me. “If something that I love makes you that uncomfortable then it’s just best it’s over”. That, coming from the person that told me if I ever started back smoking it would be a deal breaker for her, hurt. Apparently she “likes to drink but only 1 or 2 drinks on the weekends and everyone else should be able to do that too”. I finally had enough and said okay, point taken, this isn’t going to work and then blocked her contact.
I’m kind of at a loss for words for how I feel right now. This was the first person I’ve dated in 2 years and I was falling really hard, really fast. Kinda bummed and don’t know what to do. I spent 2 extra hours in the gym today because I can’t seem to shake how fast something I thought was going so great could disappear so quickly.
I suppose I’m better off because I don’t ever want to know what it feels like to be her dad: stuck inside of a family that continues to shame him for his past. Is this kind of toxicity normal/common for families affected by alcoholism? Any words of wisdom or support are welcome 😔
Sorry that this happened, definitely sucks and I know it must hurt. But I think you dodged a huge bullet. Youve known her for just 10 weeks, and has now shown a pretty bad side of herself. Sounds like you did nothing wrong at all. For her to not only criticize you, but also insult you and break up with you over what seems like nothing — not a good sign. This is probably just who she is, so in the end way better for you to learn that now rather than later.
Thank you for the kind words of honesty Grregg. Deep down I know that you’re right and that I did myself a huge favor by cutting off contact, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Either way after a lot of reflecting on it, my sobriety is more important to me than someone who would look down on me for my past. I’ll shake back… just gonna spend a lot of time at the gym and make it a goal to get out more after the new year and not give up on finding my someone!
As a recovering alcoholic with a dad who didn't make it through his (died when I was 20), I just wanted to send hugs your way. Every family is different, of course. I'm lucky that mine saw what I was going through and tried to learn about it, and have been super supportive (along with the close friends that know my back story). I believe you absolutely made the right decision- anyone who thinks that 'everyone should be able to limit themselves' when it comes to drinking is absolutely ignorant or (likely) in some amount of denial as well. They might be able to, but alcoholism is and has been a huge societal problem for ages. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're alone - you're not. I can imagine how that stings, so sending love to you, friend.
So it wasn't this weekend but last weekend that my friend flew into town for my birthday. Lots of fun, went out like five nights in a row. I've got to say the whole "if you're having a good time and put out good energy you'll attract people" advice is kinda bs. Thought there might be some cool positives from an extravert dragging me out and having such a blast, like you know meeting people...
I guess i need to recalibrate the how to meet and attract people advice.
Survived gf’s mother’s birthday dinner on the 21st, then a gauntlet of three Christmases starting on the 23rd with my mom, step dad, step bro, step sis, and step sis’ fiancée, the 24th with my dad, step mom, great uncle, other step bro, other step bro’s wife, other step bro’s friend, step mom’s random friend couple, and a dad’s random friend, the 25th with my gf, gf’s mom, gf’s best friend, and gf’s best friend’s bf. Great food, decent booze, minimal blowouts, completely drained.
Going to life face down in a dark room for the next couple of days.
I hit a record - 6 houses in two days. Next year, I hope to keep it to three max. It’s hard when we both have parents who’ve split up. However, it was all good fun! Happy to be home now.
Bf was buying something off Amazon next to me and I saw his list of saved addresses as he was scrolling. One was an ex’s name and he had typed “my love” as her middle name. It was sweet. He’s a sweet guy. They dated 3-4 months. We’ve been dating 16 months and he has yet to say my love or I love you to me. His actions signal that he does all the time but would be nice to hear those words too.
Have you said it to him? I think I'm ready to say it to the guy I've been dating 5 months, just looking for the right moment. I figure I can't get a poo poo attitude over him not saying it unless I start saying it and he doesn't reciprocate.
I had a very rough year, both profesionally and personally. The moment I crawled out from some puddle of shit, I got a kick back down. Last straw being cut off by a girl who seemed to be genuinly interested in me. And in that state I came to my hometown for Christmas, where I was sitting at the table where I am the youngest, I see my parents and both gradmas (my grandpa passed away in February) getting older and older and I just felt I am barely able to take it. And most of my friends are busy with their families, so I'm basically stuck in my parents' house.
Will go to psychiatrist early in January, so I will hopefully get something to feel better. Thanks for talking interest in me and my problems.
Yeah, I’m sorry to hear that, man. :’-( That sounds like a ton to have to deal with.
Hang in there! Things will get better with time! However, if you ever want to vent or talk, feel free to shoot me a DM.
On Friday I had a second date with someone who is really great and I can see something developing with. We chatted 4 hours over drinks, I didn't even check the time before I'd missed my train home! Got a taxi which arrived far too quickly and shortened the goodbye a little.
But we've been keeping in touch by text since and exchanged voice messages last night. Not got a third date arranged yet but I'm thinking when we're both back from the holidays we'll do something. Taking things slow and steady because I had a breakup earlier this year, but signs are promising.
It's just really nice to be excited about someone again and I wanted to share that!
Rave (ish): A guy I’m seeing and I waited until it was -1F and got naked and ran around outside (quickly). Then came in and went straight to his bed. I like him more and more. I feel kind of blindsided, because I went into this with a very casual/short term mindset due to dating fatigue and a few real incompatibilities. I’m comfortable around him, I think he’s the most handsome man ever, and I feel excited when I think about seeing him again. I have no idea what comes next, but I’m enjoying every minute. Gonna have to be content with that for now. He makes Roy Kent growl sounds during sex and it’s such a turn-on.
Rant: The other man I’ve been seeing pulled some really aggro moves regarding exclusivity (we are not exclusive and I thought that was clear). He also was driving really fast and laughed at me for getting nervous. Just giving off some “I’m in control, you’re not” vibes all night. It made me really uncomfortable. We haven’t slept together in a while, and after my weekend with Roy Kent guy, I’m ready to call it. I will text him tonight.
omg the speeding in a car is something my mother used to do to me when I was a kid to scare me and lut me in my place. It is a HUGE red flag, somewhone who values their power over you more than your feelings and concerns. Please run from that guy.
Thanks- it was really scary, and it helps to hear someone confirm that it’s a legit reason to leave. He’s always made me a bit uncomfortable, but I was sort of waiting to see if his actions would match up with the way I was feeling. Another lesson in trusting my gut, I guess.
Sorry you had to experience that as a kid.
My boyfriend had me and my son over to his parents for dinner with his 2 girls. I was so nervous but it was so nice. They were lovely and surprised me and my son with a gift each. First time meeting his parents for more then 60 seconds. They were so kind to my son too and talking about “next time you come over we can do x” my son was so happy to get to see my boyfriends daughters and it definitely made his Christmas. He out of nowhere gave his youngest daughter (6) a huge smooch and hug when we left lol
Dropped my son with his dad for the night and his girls went to their mom so I went to his place for the night and to exchange gifts.
I was floored. He got me the most thoughtful gift. Like a month or two ago in passing I mentioned this trilogy of books I loved growing up and tried finding copies that weren’t pricey. I open one of my gifts and he had remembered and bought me all 3.
He had made me a little rainbow bracelet with his daughters rainbow loom the first month we dated and I wear it all the time still and it had already broken once and he fixed it. Another present was an actual bracelet to replace it and it had both out birthstones in it. He also got me a super cozy shark throw blanket I love. I still can’t get over the thought he put into it. Hands down the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever gotten I almost cried. I’m still used to my ex husband who couldn’t remember anything important or otherwise I would tell him and this man just picks up everything like a sponge. I’m so lucky and I just love him so much
Matched with a man last week and he made a reservation for a really nice restaurant tomorrow night as our first meeting. It’s a really strange thing to do IMO so I suggested we grab a quick drink before to gauge sanity and interest (he had made a comment about assuming I wasn’t insane after booking the restaurant). So we’re meeting tonight for a late beer. I have an early morning so I know I can only have one but I hope it goes well 🤞🏻
I'm tired. soooo tired. Can't find a man who's interested, interesting and available. Truly feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. I am more and more inclined to believe that I won't have a family and will remain childless for the rest of my life. I have never been loved, ever, by anyone. I have no words to express how sad I am increasingly feeling over being single.
I feel your pain Lion Queen. We are over 30 and it truly seems like the older we get, the less options we have. My optimistic side believes that there is hope for you but my inexperienced side cannot rationalize it. Best wishes to you in 2023!
100%. I multidate, but if I’m sleeping with someone then I’m not sleeping with others without open communication. If it does lead down that path, I let the other person know for their own sexual safety and decisions about whether to continue sleeping together or stop, which I also expect in the return. It’s all about communication!
That’s completely reasonable. I would ask the person for sexual exclusivity if that’s what you want.
If they say yes, great. If they say no, I would probably move on.
My apologies if I’m misremembering and confusing you for someone else, but is this the same woman you were talking about 2 or 3 months ago with this same question?
This weekend was really okay on my own, maybe next year I’ll be ready to meet someone again. I’m not ready to date just yet but I’m keen to have a bit of hope that he’s out there.
I’ve been single for 18 months & it’s the first time I’ve really taken the time to get to know myself. I’ve restarted my career & I’m doing a degree, I bought a house, I finally learned to drive & love this new freedom, my time is my own right now. I’m having so many adventures hiking, swimming, gigs & random coffee places.
I’m not quite ready to share my time with anyone just yet but I am starting to think about it. Sometimes I miss guy company. I miss flirting & daft innuendos. I miss a guy making fun of me & making me laugh with daft messages. I miss hearing about his life & what makes him happy. I miss feeling protected & cherished. When the times right, I’m sure he’ll be there but not quite yet.
If you’re a guy over 38, single, don’t want children, early riser & love the outdoors, I exist, I’m just not quite ready yet. Speak soon!
I learned to drive after my divorce and it's one of my favorite things ever. I also did my degree, bought my own home and car, and started my career. It really does feel wonderful. I would be open to sharing it with someone, but I definitely don't feel like I have to, and that's also very freeing.
Long story short… Divorced 12 years no dating. Single dad. Started when son went off to college. Enjoyed the online dating, did not think I would. Met and dated a handful of nice woman. Had to make a decision. Friends was just not working out. Going with this woman 8 months now 4-5 exclusively seeing almost daily. First real separation traveling over holidays. We both have kids and families in different states. Received a well written note in a card showing our mutual feelings and amazement at the current situation. Happy endings might occur. Looking forward to what is to come.
If they don't really ask questions back do you really put any effort in? also if your sort of starting to date someone ( you haven't kissed them yet) do you set up a date with someone else in case it doesn't work out?
For the first question… I think it depends on the person, but I typically will lose interest in someone who doesn’t ask questions back. I feel like good conversations are like tennis matches, where the ball is being served and returned and then volleyed back and forth. If someone doesn’t ask questions about me, I take it as a lack of interest in who I am outside of my looks, or perhaps a lack of communication skills, and typically move on.
For the second question, I think it depends on the person. Some people multi-date and have multiple dates at varying levels of progression and choose one person who they feel most compatible with. Others date feel comfortable only dating one person at a time and if the situation doesn’t work out, then set up another date with someone else. I think you just need to do whatever you’re comfortable with in this situation.
Currently traveling in Europe. I matched on Bumble with this local lady (R) at the start of my trip at the end of November in Holland. Only in Europe can I use a Bumble prompt to quip about a wealth tax and get a match 🤣.
Anyhow, left Holland, and spent the last month backpacking Europe. Get back to Holland Dec 20 to fly home Dec 22. Note, me and R hadn't conversed at all for the past month aside from not letting the match expire.
So I send a message to R to see if she would like to get a drink. She's up for it, Dec 21.
Dec 21, and she cancels on me, she's sick, apologizes. Says she thought I'd be fun since our profiles have some similar vibes. I felt the same, oh well 😔.
Dec 22 rolls around, due to inbound flight issues resulting in conflicting departure times, I miss my flight. Rebooked for 1 week later.
I message R and let her know I got another week, and she suggests something "Christmassy" to give me a little comfort now that I'll be away from family for Christmas.
Meet up on Dec 24 at a Christmas market. Had some gluhwein, a Bailey's and hot chocolate, then onto a couple bars for drinks and a bite to eat.
I've never vibed with someone as I did with R, we talked politics, religion, society, relationships, family, mental health, just a free flowing convo. Unfortunately, I'm generally shy, reserved and somewhat clueless, so I didn't initiate any physical contact although I feel like opportunities existed.
Anyhow, I'm really hoping to see her again before I leave and she was open to it. Plus she picked up the last bill, which wasn't cheap, and I agreed to split half, but when we parted, we both forgot. So I texted saying we have to meet up now 😉.
I know I'm likely cloud-nining this whole thing, but will see how this plays out.
Spent a good hour in another room alone from my family staring at a fireplace/fire by myself with rum, missing my ex and having a brief existential crisis. Commenced to go on Tinder, get no matches/activity (in hindsight who'd be using it on Christmas day?) and overall just felt romantically alone and missing the old life I used to have. Need to walk through the fire in 2023 and sort myself out before I even have a shot at meeting someone again.
I’m sorry, it’s rough out there but I commend you for even trying on Christmas Day. However, don’t forget that family is important too, imagine if it was just you alone with your rum and no family there with you? That’s truly lonely. Enjoy them while you have them, then you can let the right person enjoy them too.
I (37F) went on a date with a guy (44M) for the first time after taking a year off from dating. It was a long year. I’m glad I went on the date, but it ended up being a total bust. We talked easily over dinner for two hours and traded stories, but the attraction wasn’t there and he was kind of disrespectful towards women in general despite being nice to me, if that makes any sense.
It did end with an awkward him-trying-to-kiss-me-as-I-gave-him-a-side-hug-to-avoid-it kind of exchange. Welcome back to me, I guess.
Both rant and a rave. Rave: A friend of a friend ended up hanging out at mine on Christmas Eve. Very unexpected and impromptu. My family isn’t close so I was just going to be alone which was fine. Then we texted and he came over. I had met him the night before with a mutual friend for cocktails. At mine, I realized how cute and smart he is and we talked for 4 hours. I’m very thankful for these out of nowhere connections on a holiday that can feel very sad.
Rant: He left that night without any kiss or touch and then little engagement since. I sent a text about something we talked about the next day and he responded saying he’d take a look at it. That was all. I stupidly got excited about this unfortunately. I didn’t make a move and he didn’t either…so it must just have been a friendly hang thing. I’m a little down about it just that it was nice talking to him and he must not be reciprocal for more. That’s my read- “if a man is interested you’ll know” assessment. It happens, of course. I’m just kind of deflated but trying not to overdramatize and just be happy with the gift of a small interaction like that. It’s a special thing when you have a connection. I’d like to spend more time with him now I think.
Rant: Unfortunately once the ick comes...it stays.
Been dating this bloke for 5 weeks and was low key obsessed with him. We got along well and the sex was great. I was comfortable with him meeting my friends and they all liked him. Two weeks in we agreed to be exclusive - as in, just dating each other but no gf/bf label - and that's when things started to change.
I noticed he needed constant reassurance from me for things I felt were unnecessary. For example, I invited him out for drinks with my co-workers and I told him he had to make his way there himself as I was carpooling. He asked if it was weird if he came by himself which I thought was a bit odd but I said it was fine. Then he asked me three separate times if I wanted him to be there and I had to constantly tell him yes.
When we were organising another date he kept on changing our plans which annoyed me. We had a chat about it and he admitted he is a massive overthinker and sometimes he thinks I am not happy which is why he wants to give different options. I told him I am a blunt person/straight shooter (which he knew) so he didn't have to second guess where I stood.
We went out with my co-workers last Friday and as soon he arrived I could tell I was not feeling it anymore. When we went back to mine we had a long talk about his need for reassurance and while I left like the conversation was good I just felt exhausted. I let him sleep at mine and when I was half asleep I felt him kiss my temple and I felt the fucking ick - so I ended things that morning.
He offered us to take a break and to try dating next year or if we could take a step back and just casually date - I said no to both. Either way, I'm glad I put myself out there!
I’m terrified of both getting the ick and being the recipient of the ick… sigh. All the best for you and it’s amazing that you were able to identify how you felt and acted on it immediately.
I didn’t get a single merry christmas message, it’s not a big thing among our friends and everyone knows I’m a grinch about christmas and have the worst time with my toxic family, it still hurt.
Vent and I feel like a moron
So my ex has been intermittently reaching out even though she confirmed she's dating someone as of December 1st (really bothers me because our relationship just ended on October 25). She continues to regularly comment and react to my Facebook posts. She sent me a message replying to a story of mine last week and just told me she loves my haircut.
I reached out on Christmas Eve and wished her well. Also told her I was reconnecting with my sister because the estrangement is something we talked about when together and she seemed to genuinely care.
I woke up in the middle of the night on Christmas and had to fight the urge to message her again. We used Facebook messenger to always communicate. I changed her nickname in the chat to "DONT" not realizing she would see it. I did it for myself to encourage myself not to message her. She asked what it meant and I told her the truth.
I just hate that I was still so passive aggressive vs actively communicating.
I think you should give yourself the gift of no longer contacting her at all. You clearly have feelings still and she’s using it for attention. No contact will help you move on to be in a place to find someone who wants to be with you!
I thought there was a way to group contacts in my phone for my own purposes, so I created one called "Tinder Rejects," because I wanted to remember not to answer in case they texted me again once I deleted the number. *turns out i was adding a guy TO A CHAT with that title* 🤐🤦♀️ I was MORTIFIED. So... I feel your pain. It's been long enough for me now that I can laugh at myself for it and I hope you get there someday too!
I think its good that you're taking care of yourself and reminding yourself not to reach out. Breakups are so hard to navigate. It always feels cliche to say, but the shitty feelings will get better with time. Hang in there!
Hahaha this made me cackle. I feel like if I were on the receiving end of this I might actually find it funny, especially if it was just like one date that didn’t go anywhere.
I live in a (medium sized) small, conservative town. Dating is hard enough locally, because the general values of people don’t often align with my own. Think: big trucks with trump flags flying, still.
I most often match with people in the bigger cities, which are 2 hours away. My life is not conducive to traveling, as I am a full time live in caregiver. I make this pretty clear up front.
It’s frustrating and it’s hard. Dating is hard enough as it is.
I feel better. I let him go and he sent me a message at xmas which was very sweet. I sent a message back thanking him and feel better about not burning bridges.
I had an epiphany over the past few days and decided to take a break for the next few months. Dating really takes it out of me and right now my career demands alot more from me. The emotional toll on me was something I did not expect (like wow how invested I get is kinda insane) and I have now learnt I need to really be commitment free to date. My personality is unfortunately like that.
Had a Christmas Eve date (second date) at my house with a cute guy from Hinge, who mostly wanted to get very high and play board games. We did have sex, and he finished pretty quickly and didn’t do oral and danced around the subject a bit when I asked. I’m not sure how to bring it up a second time, but after a long marriage where my sexual needs weren’t met, orgasms for me are kinda important in my relationships!
Then, on Xmas, got a dick pic with a bow photoshopped on it from a past FWB whom I’d asked if he’d consider being sexually exclusive. I got the sense he’d sent it to more than one person. So I guess that answer is no. And I exchanged some warm, friendly holiday messages from nice men who unfortunately work better as friends.
So… the board games on Xmas Eve were fun ! 🤷♀️😐
> Then, on Xmas, got a dick pic with a bow photoshopped on it from a past FWB whom I’d asked if he’d consider being sexually exclusive. I got the sense he’d sent it to more than one person.
First two unwrap the package wins? 🤔😶🫠
Decided to let go of a few matches I was feeling meh about. We had been chatting for 1-3 weeks with no date set. The conversations were all going OK, and a couple I was excited about (at one point in the past) but they had all fizzled.
At first I thought I was just not interested enough to reply over Christmas, but honestly now I’m realizing I’m just not interested enough to keep chatting at all.
Is it normal to not hear from someone you’ve been dating for two months every day? Just new to me. Typically, significantly delayed response times with short, curt answers have told me someone is uninterested and trying to get you to end things so they don’t have to.
However, she’s explained that she has all notifications on her phone turned off because they give her anxiety so she only responds to calls and messages once a day or so when she has time to dedicate to it. I relate to that and love a person not tethered to their phone, but it does get a bit frustrating at times. However, she’s sweet when we are together, more responsive when making plans, got me a thoughtful gift for Christmas, opened up to me about a few personal things going on in her life, and has invited me to parties and dinner with her friends on more than one occasion. Those things don’t usually happen with someone who is uninterested.
Any thoughts?
I’ve seen a lot of people say texting really isn’t the best indicator of interest and active date planning is the most important thing. However, I’d give some thought to your compatibility as well. If the lack of texting is going to bother you in the long run or if you don’t actually mind as long as she’s interested in you.
I don’t think it would bother me as long as we are communicating semi-regularly otherwise. It’s still early, but I don’t see how we can move past the early stage and see if we are a good match if the only time we are chatting is when we are together in person once a week.
I'm similar to your date in that I often don't enjoy texting throughout the day (I find it hard to focus on what I'm doing when texting all the time). What about going on dates more than once a week, even if some of them are just quick 45 minute coffee dates? Or you could schedule FaceTime calls between in person dates.
Personally, at two months I'd expect to start seeing one another 2-3 times a week, and daily check-in phone calls/FaceTimes wouldn't be unreasonable either.
It’s been a fun holiday season. I baked a cheesecake and put whipped cream and blueberries on top. My family friend guests enjoyed it, which made me relieved because I haven’t baked a cheesecake in years. My mom and I exchanged gifts, and we were both very happy with them. I’m pleased with my books. I’m a hundred pages into one already!
Rave: I’m in Europe for the first time and I am obsessed and so happy to be here. My boyfriend got a gate pass to send me off at the airport gate which was lovely and sweet.
Neutral: I miss my bf and our communication has been lacking due to the time difference. I can’t wait to see him as it’s the longest we haven’t seen each other. Our communication is way better in person than when we’re apart in general so it’s causing me to overthink.
Happy holidays! Garden guy asked me out 🥳
We’ve got a lot in common, good intellectual chemistry and similar senses of humor. We’re even moving at the same pace, and he asked me out right when I was the most interested. The only thing that concerns me is we matched a month ago on another app and he stopped replying after a day of similarly good chatting.
Christmas was a good this year, last few were emotionally draining situations for me, because in the lead up to Christmas a few years back asked for divorce. So I'll take that as a positive.
Bit bummed out that new years eve may just involve me, my couch and sleeping before midnight as everyone in my social circle either has young kids or doing couples things. I have no desire to go out to a NYE event at any of the local pubs/bars solo, I don't have the extroverted nature for it haha.
Looking forward to 2023, will restart the dating apps and be a bit more invested I hope.
100%, plus NYE, although fun is just like any other night in reality, plus I'm going out with friends tomorrow so either way get to have some fun before work starts again.
I worked overnight shifts on Christmas Eve and Christmas 🥲. I also officially decided to take an 8 month break from dating, and that I want to move to a different state in August. Exciting, but also kind of depressing.
Hey new opportunities in a new location are exciting indeed. Think of all the people you’ll meet, the dates you’ll go on and places you’ll discover!!! Are you able to get a job that doesn’t involve overnights? I did them for 14 years and it was literal night/day when I went to a permanent day position two years ago, your mental and physical health will thank you.
Christmas with my mother is insanely exhausting, we have a very toxic dynamic but she expects me to pretend we’re all good, this morning it escalated... At least I’m going home in two hours.
I have a dating related question. I know jealousy is a) mostly considered a turn off and b) oftentimes hi ts at some trust or self worth issues. But in the following situation I think it is legitimate?
My bf has a co-worker who has some issues and they aren’t really friends but friendly. He went out for drinks with her a few weeks ago and later told me, that it was exhausting and she was flirting pretty hard and at the same time put herself down a lot. He is a super nice person and I do trust him a lot. But I am feeling uncomfortable with them spending time together. We haven’t been together very long (2 months official) and it makes me so insecure.
In this particular instance, I feel it would be fine to communicate my feelings of jealousy in a calm way, without pressuring him or anything, what do you think? How shoyld I approach this?
I’m terribly insecure (working on it) so I don’t think I’d be able to go by without saying anything. I wish I could say “Oh, the way she’s flirting with you makes me uncomfortable…” and see how he picks up the conversation from there, but in reality I’d probably bottle everything up and cry about it 😅
I think that’s a solid plan as long as everyone is respectful and calm during the talk. In fact if you didn’t bring it up, it would be detrimental to the relationship
On Saturday and Sunday I hung out with my parents and two single aunts and it was so nice that nobody expects me to be in a relationship (I left my ex in July).
I’ve been texting a super sweet guy who lives far away and I think when he visits me in January he’ll meet my friends. I have a really good feeling about him.
This was my first Christmas post divorce. I told the guy I’m seeing I wanted alone time Christmas Eve and the day of. He didn’t get it but respected it. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you and respect the others’ boundaries. It sounds like you did, so good on you.
Had a great Xmas with my (38m) family and new partner (33f). Then after everyone leaves she tells me I did a great job hosting and that she loved her presents. Asks me if I need help cleaning up and the proceeds to tell me that I don't seem interested in her because I sometimes send messages like "I hope you have a good day" and did not send an actual question instead. For this case she would say I do not care about her day, and she compared it to a greeting card. She would have preferred I send "How is your day going?" With punctuation included. To me it seems about the same and a little nitpicky, and she goes text cold when I send messages like that. She does not text much, and I am a texter. Since it bothers her I will adjust my texting style but am looking to see if others have run into this and for feed back from women.
Edit: I do want to add that she mentioned this a month ago as well, and we discussed having different communication styles. I've tried to match her style but I'm human and don't do it all the time
I had a great holiday weekend. We did the whole family thing for Christmas Day and we both seem to get along really well with each others families. We’ve been together 9 months now and I’m at the point where I’d like to ask him if he has any future thoughts about us living together one day. I’m planning to put my house on the market this spring and have started talking to some realtors.
Been an interesting but really good week with my folks! Sevika has (mostly) mostly behaved herself. The tree still stands and not a single ornament has been batted off the branches lol. I’m proud of her. She’s also gotten lots of new toys.
Keeping this dating orientated, there’s a guy at the church down here that seems interested in me. We’ve gone out twice this week and had some fun conversations. Problem is he lives pretty far from where I live (I live in a major city with awesome public transportation so I don’t have a car). I can take a train and meet him halfway, but we’ll see.
He’s attractive and seems normal so far. A little more conservative than I take ‘em but not anything that can’t be respected and spoken about openly. It also seems kind of inevitable given my dating pool. As long as opinions and views can be respected I don’t see it being a deal breaker unless he has extreme views that he hasn’t told me.
I dunno. We’ll see I guess. I plan on keeping my expectations (but not my standards) low. He owns a house with property so he’s got at least some of his ish together and seems to have moved on from the initial cringey convert stage almost every new Orthodox convert goes through (yes myself included lol).
Would be great if it worked out and I didn’t have to resort to apps haha.
Christmas ended up being incredibly intense, in the most effortless and carefree way I’ve ever experienced it. I don’t understand what’s going on. Seriously.
I’ve posted a few times on here how everything with my new partner feels easy and simple, no conflict, no issues, no drama, it’s just easy to be together and easy to be around him. Zero red flags of any kind, we’ve just been compatible and more compatible the more we see each other and the more we talk.
It doesn’t matter what happens, to us to around us, it feels easy to navigate. I think it’s the level of support and appreciation I feel form him, and I think he feels similarly. I consider what he’s saying and I remember things, am grateful for him and his actions and everything we do feels to have had the other person in mind.
Here’s a quick recap of everything that happened, and it just felt easy. All of it. Simple and easy. He went out with friends on Friday and drank a lot more than he’s used to, stayed at mine after and came home at 2:30am (I gave him a key to be able to do it) and I woke up to sit with him when he needed to throw up before going to bed. On the Saturday we walked my dog, met my ex who’s also my best friend, all while he’s dealing with a hangover and feeling a bit rough, I then met met his parents briefly, and we walked his dog. Went back to mine, had dinner, went to sleep.
Christmas Day we walked my doggo, went to his parent’s place again, walked his dog, then spent half the day with his mum, who’s super chatty and welcoming, had food, then went to pick up his kid from his ex (I stayed in the car) and got back to his parent’s place to let his kid open presents and played with him until he was tired and went to sleep. My sister texts me out of the blue from my mum’s phone (they’re in another country, she is visiting my mum) saying I have to call them, as they’re all together and visiting another family member I never speak to that wants to see me - so we video call for a bit, and I chat to them in two languages my partner doesn’t know since only my sister speaks English.
He then dropped me off and we were chatting in his car and reflected a bit on the day. It was really good. Although a lot happened, it was so comfortable and easy. I felt relaxed and welcomed, we checked in with each other constantly, he made sure I was ok the whole time, I made sure he was ok, it all felt - effortless. Being around him feels like he lifted a weight I didn’t know I was carrying, and I stand behind that so much. I keep trying to poke holes at this, but it feels like there aren’t any. Am cautious and careful and it’s been so easy. He said his parents really liked me, and so did his kid (we met once before). Today I’m meeting his sister and her kids, and I’ll bring my professional camera to snap some proper portraits of his kid and him together since he doesn’t have any nice photos of them two.
I’ve had Christmas meals with my ex’s family where even though nothing ‘happened’ the atmosphere was so tense and heavy. Everything was an issue. The energy was always down and just being there felt like an effort. It’s something we ‘needed to do’ rather than ‘wanted’ to. I know that I’m still very much in the bliss and glitter of the ‘new relationship energy’ now and we don’t know each other THAT well, but honestly? It’s not like I’m some inexperienced and very impressionable young girl with no idea of the world. I’ve grown up around an alcoholic father, I grew up in a country that was in constant conflict with raging war, I moved to new countries several times as an adult and each time I had to be so acutely aware of my environment. I am always ‘turned on’. Aware. I think I’ve never felt so at ease anywhere within so little time. It felt like I could switch off. Just be. It feels foreign. It feels genuine. I keep trying to poke holes at this, to rationalise the ineffable. I keep waiting for the other shoe. When he came to mine in the middle of the night on the Friday, at some point between his other drunker mumbles he said he feels I’m too good to be true. I get that. I get this feeling about him. I went and got myself so in love with this person. it feels so incredibly easy, and I am so grateful. It all feels very mutual and I love this. I just love this. It’s been a short while but I’ve grown to love and care for this man, and it’s been so healthy. Every person I know that met him likes him a lot, his family likes me, he says his son likes me. my dog is obsessed with him, my friends like him and say he’s wonderful, my ex likes him.
I don’t think there’s another shoe.
This was a gently warming read. I don't know you but I relate to being constantly "on" and I am happy for you that this relation alleviated your load. Seems like that's how it should be.
This is heartwarming and I’m happy for you. I really relate to the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop - a similar feeling is “Foreboding joy”, where you’re expecting a bad thing and it gets in the way of your current joy. I hope you continue to enjoy this great person❤️
Nothing directly related to a date but I was browsing in IKEA and it dawned on me that one of my biggest nightmares would be to find myself doing home decor shopping with some dude at IKEA. I have serious commitment issues it seems
Exchanged gifts with my bf. He did such a good job with getting both nice and thoughtful gifts. Ugh I’m so in love with him and could see myself marrying him and it terrifies me.
Reached out to the Podcaster on Friday — he was super apologetic about making me think he’d ghosted me, and we’ve been texting intermittently since despite the holiday. I assume we’ll set a new date soon.
Also ugh, shout out to the guy visiting from out of town who did not mention it (and had changed his Hinge location to be his parents’ neighbourhood!) until I asked him directly. Paragraphs and paragraphs back and forth for nothing, lol.
My parents told me that they have a wedding present waiting for me (my siblings have received theirs) and I am not sure how to process this. I am not likely to get married any time soon, but at least it is earning interest…
Great weekend. My boyfriend stayed over for the second time on Friday night. I met one of his best friends and we all went out for drinks. Saturday, he treated me to breakfast and then took me out for a short, easy hike. I ended up going to bed early around 630p since I stayed up all Friday (I work nights) so I could fall asleep Friday night with him.
Xmas was spent with my family. Always kinda awkward and meh. I haven’t told my mom that I have a boyfriend or anything about me dating. No idea how to go about that. I realized I’ve never really talked about that topic with her before. His friends and family know about me and I feel kinda bad not saying anything. I’ve just never been very open about that stuff.
I worked the whole weekend which probably was for the best as it would’ve brought me to mull over how things have lost momentum with a girl I’ve been seeing the last couple of months. She said she’d love to meet up in the new year when she’s more settled (busy work, sick pet stress), yet I can’t help but think it’ll be a slow fade out as communication had not been the same as before the holidays.
I get that people get busy with personal time and commitments over the festive period, but the hiatus feels unpleasant! Keeping myself busy and fortunately I still have work before NY so hopefully it’ll keep my mind off this
First time my family was together for Christmas since the pon de replay. Also first time playing host and having Christmas at my house. Some family met my boyfriend on Christmas Eve. My boyfriend also was a champ helping me prepare to host all week. I owe him big time.
It was exhausting and wonderful.
Had a nice holiday. Painted, had some wine, made pasta sauce using my grandmother's recipe. Had a friend gathering on xmas eve. Didn't go home since my parents were traveling and I didn't want to drive 9 hours to meet them. Maybe another time but I had so much going on that I would've only been able to stay for the weekend.
I wanted to go in part bc they want to move there, and I get the impression they *both* want me to move there and think I'd like it, and it's stressing me out a bit. I thought it was just my mom but my dad was saying something about it as well.
I don't think they understand that I feel pretty established here. Obviously I will do what is good for me but considering it's pretty far away, I'm worried this is part of them deciding to move there. And if so I'd rather visit and make it clear I'm not moving there sooner rather than later so that they make their decision fully aware they're isolated from all their kids.
Anyway.
Now to tetris different dates into the various days of the week people aren't here visiting and get stressed out when they are only free on one day and it's the same day
I had a pretty good holiday. I have a great family and genuinely enjoy spending time with them. It also helps that they all live close, so I don't need to worry about traveling.
My vacation to Costa Rica has been canceled because Spirt Airlines fucked up. I was supposed to be in warm weather right now.... but no....
I was waiting until after my tip to start up the apps again so I guess I can get started earlier.
Had an ok holiday but not sure if anyone I date would be interested in accepting my family 😅 from the house that smells like cigarettes (which I’ve begged them to knock off- it’s 2022!), to the yelling and disorder it’s a LOT to take in. Tbh part of me wanting a partner is so that I could spend time with another family who actually treats it like a celebration and is interested in taking part of traditions
situationship and I exchanged messages but Fwb I met up with twice in December didn’t reach out! Going to let the latter fizzle tbh, don’t think I gain much in that situation (hence why I didn’t reach out either)
If you’ve been seeing someone since early October, would you find it odd to not try to spend NYE together? We aren’t exclusive but I’ve been kind of waiting for things to pick up and they have not yet. I have fallen back a bit because I’m not sure where they stand but I think the fact that we see each other once a week/ sometimes every two weeks speaks for itself. How do you usually get into seeing someone more often?
Lol ok as a 37 year old who really wants a family, it’s realistic that I need to lower my standards but can he be employed, not obese, but *also* get me a Christmas present? Is that too much?
Right before Xmas, I decided to give online dating a shot. I've been single for almost 2 years and in therapy after a string of unfortunate (and abusive) relationships.
I downloaded tinder and I have like 20 matches. But only 2 of them have messaged me.
Since I'm so new to this... If I'm the one matching, should I be the one messaging first?
Lots of matches won’t message or reply - pretty much par for the course. On Tinder you can choose to message first or not, but I would recommend sending a message to any match you’re interested in.
How soon should you talk about POTENTIAL living situations?
The guy I've been dating has a living situation that is a dealbreaker for me. We have been seeing each other for a couple of months and so far everything else is lining up, but this was really bothering me, so I asked him if and when the time came if he would be open to moving. He said no. When I explained my point of view and possible compromises he said I was moving too fast and this was too much. I was very clear with him from the beginning that I am only dating for a serious relationship and not interested in anything casual, so I feel this conversation is necessary even though it's early on. I'm not asking him to do anything right now, but I feel it is only fair that I know where he stands before I invest any more time into this.
So was it too soon to ask about this or was it a good idea to bring it?
I was very into this guy spring/summer time, it didn’t work. We kinda stayed in speaking terms but hadn’t seen each other for 5 months. He texted me around the festivities and spent Xmas eve with me (Muslim background and his family doesn’t celebrate so it was an usual day for him). We talked and had lots of sex. Then decided we could maybe try fwb.
I’m not into him like before and can’t even understand why I was in the first place…that made me question a lot of my relationships and how I want to belong that maybe I’m just falling in and out of love for the wrong reasons :(
This time last year, I was so in love with a man who didn’t give me anything back. No text, blah attitude, lame answers. This Christmas, that same man is with me, spending all of his day and time with me, and we’re looking at buying a home together soon. I’m very lucky.
No I was just sooo tired, had a terrible week at work, hate taking selfies and that happened, I re read the messages in the morning and didn't even recognise myself!
I did apologize in the morning when I realised how stupid I had been, he accepted my apology and said it was a real shame but he doesn't want to be with someone who is paranoid...there is nothing more I can say, but I definitely won't be doing that again!
Trains were cancelled, so I did not visit my parents for Christmas. They spent it alone. I went to a board games café in the afternoon, and cooked myself a feast to eat alone in the evening in front of youtube videos I curated for the occasion. I chose a terrible wine though.
Feeling very lonely, my two previous were also alone, it's become a habit now. Also working through a lot of stuff mentally. I've read "Attached", a lot of things make sense. Started journaling. Went all out on a woman I'm seeing casually, telling her I don't see something serious with her. And she gave me full emotional support in return. She had to hear me vent about that other woman that rejected me, triggered my anxious attachment and codependency, and turned my life upside down in just a month.
I'm still swiping on apps and have a date set up on Friday, to try to move on, but I can't help but think no one compares to the woman who rejected me. Still very few matches, and when I do, looking back at the profiles, I'm not attracted at all.
I both want to do nothing at home, and feel guilty like I need to force myself to work on some of the personnal projects I had planned to start this week. And I keep hating myself for the things I did wrong with the woman that rejected me. The anxiety had kicked in and my insecurities regarding sex also turned me crazy. All the success I had on the first date, got washed away on the second. All because I got excited and really interested in her after our first date.
Oh, and I had a first session with a relationship coach, I don't know if it's worth it, but might as well try everything because I can't keep going like this or I won't find my life partner.
Why do you hate yourself? Would you hate a friend who did something similar? We all make mistakes and it looks like you’re on the path of self-correcting and that’s something to celebrate!
Over the weekend I turned my dating profiles into an outlet to find friends to golf with. I love to golf but it’s hard connecting with other people who are regularly free to golf as well. So far my conversations have been so much better. People who are connecting are way more engaged in conversations. Who knows where these connections could lead but I’m super pumped to get to use my new driver soon!!
37m Tinder rant: I’m out of town visiting family. Figured I’d use tinder to try and setup a hookup before I leave. I changed my bio and made a good amount of matches. Sent messages that are funny and clear about what my plan is. Got responses from almost all of them but good god there’s no personality or humor from these women. I don’t want it to feel like a transaction. I want to have some laughs and actually like the person even though I know it’s a hookup. I like sex to be fun. Have some personality. Ok rant over. Hope everyone had a great Christmas and you got all the gifts you asked for.
My ex-bf texted me “Merry Christmas” on Christmas Day and I don’t understand why he continues to keep in touch with me or whether he has made up his mind on whether he wants to reconcile with me.
Today, I am going on my second date with this new man who seems really great overall. Having moved on from my ex-bf breaking up with me around 3 weeks ago, my feelings for my ex has kinda dissolved a bit and I am so confused as to what I want right now.
If you aren't interested, you don't even have to answer him. Lots of exes come out of the woodwork on the holidays to spark up conversation with people they've not spoken to the rest of the year. It may mean nothing.
I keep meaning to update in these weekly threads, but I’ve been so busy the last few weeks, with work, travel, New Guy and getting ready for Christmas. It was a good holiday with my family - I think it really helped that at the end of each evening, I leave and go to my sister’s house, so I can decompress and just get some alone time, without everyone all over each other at my parents house. A few months ago, I posted about having a conversation with my Dad, after he’d been treating me weirdly for over a year. I didn’t spend much time with my parents for Thanksgiving, but things seemed to be better then, and I feel like things are finally back on track with us after the last couple of days. They definitely don’t feel the *same*, but they feel like they’re improving and it makes me happy.
I’m off all of this week and am going to try to take things easy - I don’t have any real plans, other than seeing New Guy tomorrow & exchanging our Christmas gifts together. His birthday was a few days before Christmas & he loved his gift; I really hope he likes his Christmas gifts.
Partly bored and partly curious about swiping in my home town I hopped back on Tinder.
Got a match and didn't even remember that I swiped right on her, but turned out to be more or less exactly the profile I'm looking for: toned down but upfront, wanted long term, kids and pets, no bio but letting the pictures and labels speak for themselves, for example.
Started talking and it felt good, but after a day's messages back and forth it just stopped. So just a good old rejection you might think, but somehow I was mortified. I like very few profiles and could be described as picky, so when something promising turns up and it clicks even the slightest, I get my hopes waaay up.
This is a pattern I thought I'd gotten past and was surprised how it affected me, I've been in therapy this year talking about my attachment styles (among other things) and how I struggle at forming romantic relationships. I just can't understand how a person can start to completely ignore another, but I guess that's just how it is sometimes.
Don't have a point with all this, it just sucks being sensitive. OLD feels like a mine field.
The guy I'm seeing told me he isn't ready for a committed relationship and I've posted about this before. But we're acting very couple-y. And honestly.. I don't mind it. We're spending the next week together - today through new year's Day - and I'm pretty excited. He's then going to Puerto Rico and I'll be there for a bit while he's there. I'm just taking it day by day and enjoying the time we have together because it's everything I want right now - I'm avoiding the DTR talk for the moment for fear of fucking this up. Just gonna go with the flow until I can't take it anymore and need some definition. I'm getting better at tolerating ambiguity which is an achievement for me.
Realising that all relationships are a risk anyway and even if he said he wanted a relationship and to commit - actions speak louder than words. Rn I'm just listening to his actions. Enjoying the time. Hoping things go okay.
In other news, I spent some time hanging out with one of his best friends and that dude told me he was attracted to me... Ugh. I mean it's fine and I'm flattered and I talked to the guy I'm seeing about it and it was all chill but I detest this sort of drama and hoping it doesn't turn into anything difficult down the road.
How much time are you willing to give up to this person? I guess it's okay to enjoy it for what it is, but eventually you'll have to move on and try to find someone who does want a relationship.
I mean. It sounds like you already had a talk about the defining the relationship and he told you he's not ready. Not sure I would want to stick around and try again!
My boyfriend has an ex that he co-parent their kid with. I am the first actual gf he has entered a serious relationship with and finally he told his ex about it. Ever since he told her about me, she started buying him birthday presents and xmas presents ( apparently she hasn't really do anything like that the past few years) , not just general gifts, but things like his fav brand of clothing and shoes etc.
I am pissed.
I’m in my first slow burn relationship and it feels so good. Slowly falling for him every day instead of the huge, instant, drug-like trance of NRE that I usually get. The feelings aren’t overwhelming, but warm and comforting. I’m just feeling really happy :)
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Yes! Them: Are you seeing anyone? Me: Weeellllll… this year the best I could do was a 5 month pseudo relationship that ended with both of us blocking each other Smh lol
I know what you mean! Being fully single without a guy you like to worry about if he’s texting you or still interested is truly peaceful!
This is exactly what I'm going through. No more of "is he still interested??" "Am i interested?" My awkward ass dad did bring up to my aunt to introduce me to someone, which is really embarrassing to me. Then my aunt said that she knows someone but doesn't know whether he likes strong personalities. Oy
I think Bridgerton has more modern dialogue than this. Good God.
I’m glad you had peace this year. Go you x
That’s good news! Sometimes a break is just the right thing to do. I took one for two months recently and felt completely at peace. Enjoy the holidays!
At this point my family gave up on me to get a gf
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Both are bad, one because someone annoys you about it, then its the realization you are a lost cause. It sucks
I would have killed to have somewhere to go.. my situations unique because my whole family moved away from my state to 3,300 miles away. Hope you had a Merry Christmas!! Edit: sounded sarcastic, I’m religious it’s not; I genuinely wish everyone (even my toxic ex who I still pray for) a truly happy and Merry Christmas :)
Yeah. As a guy in this dating scene I can’t find a date for the life of me. Every girl I’ve talked to on the apps just ask for money. I’m about to just give up.
Eh, the stupid weather got in my way. Freezing rain, followed by a lot of snow with high wind has left most of the roads closed around my GF. Instead of seeing her and her kid on xmas eve, and then her coming over for the 2nd half of xmas after dropping Kid off at their dad's, it's been just me. Not too bad in the grand scheme of things; it's the weather, not that I'm alone. But it does highlight that we're still in the earlier stages of dating. And while I hope that we make it to the later stages of relationship; I also don't want to rush there with my eyes closed.
My mother was trying to ask the children question and reacted very badly when I told her this isn’t up for discussion… ugh
Had a very eventful night with the woman I was confused about earlier. We clarified some stuff and had a very sweet but eventful night and it honestly went better than I thought it would. Not in a relationship yet but I think we both are looking that direction so...we'll see. Guard is still up but I think there's something there. Apparently she's been talking about me to her friends and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't doing the same...so fingers crossed.
Aww I wish you the vest of luck, it sounds like bith of you are excited about each other
Can I borrow this guy's vest of luck?
That is so cute!
Well despite my flight getting delayed, I was able to make it to my parents for Christmas. Meanwhile, I've been chatting with this woman since we matched on December 5th. We should have gone on a date long ago but she got Covid & I will be gone until this Friday. But we've been keeping in touch. We probably won't meet until after New Years but I do enjoy chatting with her & can't wait to meet her.
This is a weird time to date and make plans as it is so busy, but it sounds like you have something to look forward to in the new year then
The guy I've had mostly good vibes about seemed to ghost me mid-week just as his holiday break started. After a few days he popped back up saying he was sorry and complaining about this (kind of cute but) small problem he has going on in his life and keeping the convo short. It's always embarrassing to have your texts left on read for days, but it also stung that he just talked about himself and didn't even ask how I was doing (this is my first holiday without my mom, in a new city, and I told him I'm going to be 100% alone and feeling pretty sad). I'm not so sure about wanting to meet again anymore. On the flip side, I accidentally made a pen pal type match on OKC. Didn't realize they weren't in my city but it's been nice to talk to someone responsive after 2 months of "busy" guys locally. I've done a lot of long distance and not sure I want to go back to that, but I guess it depends how strong the connection builds. Honestly, considering I just spent Christmas alone I could probably use a pen pal if nothing else, haha.
So how *are* you doing?
Not good on a deeper level but I did keep myself pretty amused on a surface level, lol. It's been weird to lose the person who was basically my built-in best friend and realize that a lot of other relationships do stay pretty surface level... I hope your Christmas was much more social and nice!
I imagine that'd be weird. OTOH some relationships are difficult to raise over surface level though... it definitely takes two. My Christmas was Great! But I feel my NY will be the opposite sigh 😬 we'll see. In any case here's to an excellent 2023
I’m back home for the holidays. It was really nice to see my whole family (almost) through Christmas. I’m keeping in touch with my current guy who I’ve been on three dates with so far. We text every day and he called me on Christmas Eve as he said he would, which was lovely. He has offered to pick me up from the airport when I’m back, even though I arrive reaaally late at night and he has to work the day after (he wakes up at 5 am on workdays). It’s really sweet of him! This kind of stuff only accelerates my emotional involvement. Things feel good so far.
These actions are so important for forming trust, I’m so glad he’s being a keeper!! Goodluck you two!
Hello, it’s me again. I feel like I’m just using these threads as a diary, but oh well. The guy I’m dating doesn’t text as much as I’d like to. But I kinda get it, holidays, right? Still, I looked at our first month or so of texting and that was a good chunk and I wish it would have stayed like that.
I was thinking about this last night, bc my guy is also not texting as much as I’d like. I was trying to get to the route of why it causes me so much anxiety? Like, I would never expect any of my friends or family to text me multiple times a day, and when a friend doesn’t text me back for hours or even days I don’t care at all. Why is it so important that my partner texts me back quickly and more often? I honestly couldn’t find a logical answer to this, which somewhat eased my anxiety about the whole thing.
Same, but that type of texting cannot be maintained. Though I often wish it was like it was (we still text everyday, and he texts me every morning and night), I know that isn't reasonable. People have lives and when he texts me at times yet I'm too busy to reply, at times for hours, it's a good reminder he's just as busy if not more, too. Nothing else has changed, we see the bigger picture.
But it’s the holidays! 😭 and I like banter texting, nothing really important, just random topics. I understand, but why can’t we have - for example - an hour or two of continuous texting, even just once a week? I’m in the same boat - texts every day but mostly just morning check ins and good nights.
Trust me, I SO get it. I miss all those all throughout the day witty banter, Q & A, feel good texts. ((SIGH)).
I was the only single adult at the family Christmas dinner this year, which wasn't as hard as I was fearing, though I still had a few moments of feeling empty inside. General vent: I'm tired of people saying you should "be happy being single". I'm doing all the right things: making new friends, spending time with family and close friends, investing time in hobbies, advancing my career, and yet I still feel a relationship-shaped void in my life. I'm not saying I'm miserable all the time or anything, but I think I need a healthy relationship to feel true happiness and contentment with my life as a whole, and I suspect most people are the same. Why is it considered unhealthy to admit this truth?
I discussed this with my therapist and it's not that it's bad to want a relationship, it's more about the feeling of imbalance or emptiness without one. Finding a good partner takes time and effort and lots of disappointment along the way - if you are dissatisfied with your life without another human, I think it gets hard to attract the kind of companion you need. One of the reasons my therapist identified for why I feel imbalanced without a partner is because I was raised by a dad who showered me in constant and consistent validation—about my appearance, my talents, my intellect, and so on. He still does, to this day. It made me reliant on consistent external validation from a male figure and I'm trying to work through being more stable in my self-esteem now. I believe I will meet the right person who will want to do life with me, I just need to cultivate the patience and self-assurance to not give up. It's the lack of self-assurance that is unhealthy. Nobody wants to end up alone, just gotta hold on until the right companion comes along. Sounds like you're doing all the right things in the mean time. Hang in there, you've got this 💕
The girl I've been seeing is pretty awesome. Things have been going way faster than I expected, and we talked about it this weekend and I feel like she had the perfect response to my concerns. She said I was thinking the same thing, this is a lot faster than I would normally be comfortable with, but I think as long as we recognize that whatever our relationship is as being different than how we feel it is okay. We can feel how we feel emotionally, but whatever we define as our relationship doesn't need to represent our feelings. -- I guess I just never thought about how you can give yourself permission to have emotions that maybe are a little exaggerated as long as you level it out before making important decisions.
How fast are you guys moving?
We've been talking since mid November, I was out of town until December and we've probably spent 1/3rd of the days together since then. Met some of each other's closest friends and I've talked to her brother. We've had like 10 dates in the span of 3 of weeks and I was sick for a whole week of that time so really like 10 dates in 2 weeks
Honestly? My boss got me sick and I’ve had diarrhea every 2 hours. This made me look for another job.
Yikes
Wait, what did he do?? This reminds me of when my ex-boss in Japan made people eat ghost peppers and just smiled while we cried and ran to the bathroom, lol. Hoping your case wasn't as intentional.
Let another sick employee to work in the department. The other sick employee had a stomach virus.
Ugh, ew. Get well soon 🛌
Had a decent drink date on Thursday, which was my Friday this weekend. She’s leaving on Wednesday for travel through the rest of January, so not sure if I’ll be able to see her before then. I did text her that I’d be interested in seeing her again, but the timing may drive a natural fade out. Ah well, ball is in her court. Texted another woman who is also away for the holidays, wishing her a Merry Christmas. Radio silence. I get it, people are busy during the holidays. Just makes it that much tougher to establish and/or maintain connections. Overall though, I feel so relaxed after an insanely busy 3 weeks at work before now. No work until January, so I will be lazy as hell until then to recharge.
My weekend was great, had a lot of fun and was with my a friend that I mentioned here before. My best friend is passing through a relatioship thing where he is so cute being so great with her, she likes him a lot but he seems not interested, but instead of being not interested like that, he keeps showing sighs of affection and his gift for her was so thoughtful that hurts that he is not that interested. I worry about her but I tried my best to keep her busy, and Im going to be with her on new years eve. With all of this I forgot, that I am alone and by myself, but I am more worries about her than myself. So I can only say that it went better that I expected
You’re a really good friend.
I try my best to be but sometimes I feel I could more... but I cant force anything. She was so worried about these things that she kinda felt guilty that didnt pay any attention to me, but its fine, I just want her to be fine and seeing her smile is the best thing.
We‘ve been texting quite a lot with Museum Guy over Christmas, more so than we usually do. I know it’s totally vain and silly but knowing he still had time to text me and reply to me while he’s with his family felt very… I don’t know, affirming? He’s a bigger texter and social media user than I am but he’s been good at gently lifting me to his level of communication without it feeling overwhelming or like a chore, and if either of us is busy then there’s never any anxiety about us not texting as often. Another thing I like about him is that if he ever goes on for an unusually long time not responding to something I asked about (like 12 hours left on read by accident kind of thing), he sends a nice message to say sorry and says why he missed the message. I wouldn’t expect him to do that and know that sometimes his work makes him very busy, but I appreciate that he’s always so consistent and considerate with his texting. I dunno, just an observation that I really like his communication style when we’re apart for longer stretches of time. I don’t think there’s ever been a time when I’ve felt nervous or anxious about anything he’s done or not done. And any time when I’m being open or vulnerable or get a bit shy with him he always hugs me and asks me if I’m ok and things like that just melt me because I’ve only ever been with guys who don’t pick up on stuff like that. Suddenly meeting someone who is securely attached and great at communicating is like… WHAT IS THIS AND WHY DOES IT FEEL GOOD??? 😂 I’ve previously been a dismissive avoidant type in my relationships with other avoidants and meeting this guy has made me learn how “healthy” people communicate. I feel like I’m actually becoming a bit better when I’m with him.
Spent Christmas Eve at my friend’s house with her family, and it was fun! She has two young sons and seeing them flip out about Santa was a hoot. Her husband climbed up on the roof and everything, it was great. I got a lava lamp in the gift exchange from her BIL, which I’m definitely putting in my new office. I went rock hunting at my favorite beach today despite the cold and rainy weather, and I found a bunch of cool rocks and a chunk of rough amber!! I am so excited about finding amber, now I just want to find a fossil soon. Guy friend is visiting his family in Idaho and sent me a Merry Christmas text and a super cute photo of his dog cuddling on the couch with his dad. Definitely still feeling bummed about this whole thing so texts like these are bittersweet, but happy to be friends with him and I think with time I will feel less bummed.
Oh gosh I’ve been MIA on and off from the sub for a month or so and just caught up on all your updates. I’m sad to hear it played out that way with his trip on the east coast. Texts like that can be so bittersweet I love your art btw. So generous and thoughtful and beautiful, and to give a unique card with a poem every year, one must be so lucky to be your friend!
Rock hunting on the beach sounds so cool! Why were you bummed about your guy friend?
You had a wonderful Christmas, cool 😍
Gotta call the guy I have been seeing for 2 months, and probably refund his $500 plane tickets to come for NYE to my hometown, as I am really still feeling off after an incident between us 10 days ago. Dreading that chat, haven't been properly sleeping for days and feeling so fucking guilty.
What happened? I’m sorry, that sucks regardless of the outcome :( hope you’re able to get some sleep soon.
Rave :) It was my first Christmas with my boyfriend and it was just so lovely. We exchanged gifts and I might have teared up a little because his was so thoughtful. Last Christmas I was crying about some douche from Tinder and this Christmas I felt the opposite of lonely. It’s wild how much can change in a year!
I (31M) had been seeing a younger (26F) woman for about 10 weeks until today. Everything was going great… and then I accepted an invite to her family’s Christmas get together yesterday. We arrive and the majority of her family is drinking and smoking. I’m not usually one to judge because I’ve been addicted to nicotine for ~9 years and drink occasionally… but have been clean most of this year (currently 5 months away from both altogether). Girl’s father was an alcoholic her whole childhood and was diagnosed as diabetic a few years back. Multiple members of her family asked her dad (who has been clean since his diagnosis) several times if he wanted a drink. He declined their offers. After I started receiving the same offers, I politely thanked everyone for the hospitality and left. Now bare in mind, I did not even share how I actually felt about their behavior. Perhaps I put off a certain vibe with involuntary body language… but all I told her was that I felt uncomfortable and she said that she understood since she knows I’m recovering. Girlfriend text messages me this morning saying that she refuses to continue seeing someone who can judge her family so harshly. She continued barraging me with texts about *my* problems and how it’s not going to work for her when I asked her to please meet me in person for a conversation. I really care about this girl and couldn’t hardly believe what I was reading. She insisted on continuing to… idk, I guess break up with me / insult me? Over several lengthy text messages. Then there was the line that really struck me. “If something that I love makes you that uncomfortable then it’s just best it’s over”. That, coming from the person that told me if I ever started back smoking it would be a deal breaker for her, hurt. Apparently she “likes to drink but only 1 or 2 drinks on the weekends and everyone else should be able to do that too”. I finally had enough and said okay, point taken, this isn’t going to work and then blocked her contact. I’m kind of at a loss for words for how I feel right now. This was the first person I’ve dated in 2 years and I was falling really hard, really fast. Kinda bummed and don’t know what to do. I spent 2 extra hours in the gym today because I can’t seem to shake how fast something I thought was going so great could disappear so quickly. I suppose I’m better off because I don’t ever want to know what it feels like to be her dad: stuck inside of a family that continues to shame him for his past. Is this kind of toxicity normal/common for families affected by alcoholism? Any words of wisdom or support are welcome 😔
Sorry that this happened, definitely sucks and I know it must hurt. But I think you dodged a huge bullet. Youve known her for just 10 weeks, and has now shown a pretty bad side of herself. Sounds like you did nothing wrong at all. For her to not only criticize you, but also insult you and break up with you over what seems like nothing — not a good sign. This is probably just who she is, so in the end way better for you to learn that now rather than later.
Thank you for the kind words of honesty Grregg. Deep down I know that you’re right and that I did myself a huge favor by cutting off contact, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Either way after a lot of reflecting on it, my sobriety is more important to me than someone who would look down on me for my past. I’ll shake back… just gonna spend a lot of time at the gym and make it a goal to get out more after the new year and not give up on finding my someone!
As a recovering alcoholic with a dad who didn't make it through his (died when I was 20), I just wanted to send hugs your way. Every family is different, of course. I'm lucky that mine saw what I was going through and tried to learn about it, and have been super supportive (along with the close friends that know my back story). I believe you absolutely made the right decision- anyone who thinks that 'everyone should be able to limit themselves' when it comes to drinking is absolutely ignorant or (likely) in some amount of denial as well. They might be able to, but alcoholism is and has been a huge societal problem for ages. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're alone - you're not. I can imagine how that stings, so sending love to you, friend.
So it wasn't this weekend but last weekend that my friend flew into town for my birthday. Lots of fun, went out like five nights in a row. I've got to say the whole "if you're having a good time and put out good energy you'll attract people" advice is kinda bs. Thought there might be some cool positives from an extravert dragging me out and having such a blast, like you know meeting people... I guess i need to recalibrate the how to meet and attract people advice.
Happy birthday and keep trying😁
Yeah, you have to strike up concersations at bars and invite people to sit with you.
Survived gf’s mother’s birthday dinner on the 21st, then a gauntlet of three Christmases starting on the 23rd with my mom, step dad, step bro, step sis, and step sis’ fiancée, the 24th with my dad, step mom, great uncle, other step bro, other step bro’s wife, other step bro’s friend, step mom’s random friend couple, and a dad’s random friend, the 25th with my gf, gf’s mom, gf’s best friend, and gf’s best friend’s bf. Great food, decent booze, minimal blowouts, completely drained. Going to life face down in a dark room for the next couple of days.
omg this sounds like so mich socializing that I am getting exhausted just by thinking about it. You’re a champ for maling it through!
I hit a record - 6 houses in two days. Next year, I hope to keep it to three max. It’s hard when we both have parents who’ve split up. However, it was all good fun! Happy to be home now.
Like many others I’m stuck at the airport unable to get home :(
I’m so sorry, this has been such a brutal time to travel. I hope you get where you need to go soon!
Hope you get home ✈️ safely!
Bf was buying something off Amazon next to me and I saw his list of saved addresses as he was scrolling. One was an ex’s name and he had typed “my love” as her middle name. It was sweet. He’s a sweet guy. They dated 3-4 months. We’ve been dating 16 months and he has yet to say my love or I love you to me. His actions signal that he does all the time but would be nice to hear those words too.
Aw, that stings
Have you said it to him? I think I'm ready to say it to the guy I've been dating 5 months, just looking for the right moment. I figure I can't get a poo poo attitude over him not saying it unless I start saying it and he doesn't reciprocate.
I seriously was at the verge of mental breakdown. PS. It's Tuesday and I feel much better now. Thank you all for your care and support.
What’s going on?
I had a very rough year, both profesionally and personally. The moment I crawled out from some puddle of shit, I got a kick back down. Last straw being cut off by a girl who seemed to be genuinly interested in me. And in that state I came to my hometown for Christmas, where I was sitting at the table where I am the youngest, I see my parents and both gradmas (my grandpa passed away in February) getting older and older and I just felt I am barely able to take it. And most of my friends are busy with their families, so I'm basically stuck in my parents' house. Will go to psychiatrist early in January, so I will hopefully get something to feel better. Thanks for talking interest in me and my problems.
Yeah, I’m sorry to hear that, man. :’-( That sounds like a ton to have to deal with. Hang in there! Things will get better with time! However, if you ever want to vent or talk, feel free to shoot me a DM.
On Friday I had a second date with someone who is really great and I can see something developing with. We chatted 4 hours over drinks, I didn't even check the time before I'd missed my train home! Got a taxi which arrived far too quickly and shortened the goodbye a little. But we've been keeping in touch by text since and exchanged voice messages last night. Not got a third date arranged yet but I'm thinking when we're both back from the holidays we'll do something. Taking things slow and steady because I had a breakup earlier this year, but signs are promising. It's just really nice to be excited about someone again and I wanted to share that!
Rave (ish): A guy I’m seeing and I waited until it was -1F and got naked and ran around outside (quickly). Then came in and went straight to his bed. I like him more and more. I feel kind of blindsided, because I went into this with a very casual/short term mindset due to dating fatigue and a few real incompatibilities. I’m comfortable around him, I think he’s the most handsome man ever, and I feel excited when I think about seeing him again. I have no idea what comes next, but I’m enjoying every minute. Gonna have to be content with that for now. He makes Roy Kent growl sounds during sex and it’s such a turn-on. Rant: The other man I’ve been seeing pulled some really aggro moves regarding exclusivity (we are not exclusive and I thought that was clear). He also was driving really fast and laughed at me for getting nervous. Just giving off some “I’m in control, you’re not” vibes all night. It made me really uncomfortable. We haven’t slept together in a while, and after my weekend with Roy Kent guy, I’m ready to call it. I will text him tonight.
omg the speeding in a car is something my mother used to do to me when I was a kid to scare me and lut me in my place. It is a HUGE red flag, somewhone who values their power over you more than your feelings and concerns. Please run from that guy.
Thanks- it was really scary, and it helps to hear someone confirm that it’s a legit reason to leave. He’s always made me a bit uncomfortable, but I was sort of waiting to see if his actions would match up with the way I was feeling. Another lesson in trusting my gut, I guess. Sorry you had to experience that as a kid.
Ewww. The speeding comment made my stomach do flips. My ex husband used to do stuff like that. RUN.
My boyfriend had me and my son over to his parents for dinner with his 2 girls. I was so nervous but it was so nice. They were lovely and surprised me and my son with a gift each. First time meeting his parents for more then 60 seconds. They were so kind to my son too and talking about “next time you come over we can do x” my son was so happy to get to see my boyfriends daughters and it definitely made his Christmas. He out of nowhere gave his youngest daughter (6) a huge smooch and hug when we left lol Dropped my son with his dad for the night and his girls went to their mom so I went to his place for the night and to exchange gifts. I was floored. He got me the most thoughtful gift. Like a month or two ago in passing I mentioned this trilogy of books I loved growing up and tried finding copies that weren’t pricey. I open one of my gifts and he had remembered and bought me all 3. He had made me a little rainbow bracelet with his daughters rainbow loom the first month we dated and I wear it all the time still and it had already broken once and he fixed it. Another present was an actual bracelet to replace it and it had both out birthstones in it. He also got me a super cozy shark throw blanket I love. I still can’t get over the thought he put into it. Hands down the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever gotten I almost cried. I’m still used to my ex husband who couldn’t remember anything important or otherwise I would tell him and this man just picks up everything like a sponge. I’m so lucky and I just love him so much
Matched with a man last week and he made a reservation for a really nice restaurant tomorrow night as our first meeting. It’s a really strange thing to do IMO so I suggested we grab a quick drink before to gauge sanity and interest (he had made a comment about assuming I wasn’t insane after booking the restaurant). So we’re meeting tonight for a late beer. I have an early morning so I know I can only have one but I hope it goes well 🤞🏻
I'm tired. soooo tired. Can't find a man who's interested, interesting and available. Truly feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. I am more and more inclined to believe that I won't have a family and will remain childless for the rest of my life. I have never been loved, ever, by anyone. I have no words to express how sad I am increasingly feeling over being single.
I feel your pain Lion Queen. We are over 30 and it truly seems like the older we get, the less options we have. My optimistic side believes that there is hope for you but my inexperienced side cannot rationalize it. Best wishes to you in 2023!
Thank you, warm wishes to you too. I appreciate your empathy.
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100%. I multidate, but if I’m sleeping with someone then I’m not sleeping with others without open communication. If it does lead down that path, I let the other person know for their own sexual safety and decisions about whether to continue sleeping together or stop, which I also expect in the return. It’s all about communication!
That’s completely reasonable. I would ask the person for sexual exclusivity if that’s what you want. If they say yes, great. If they say no, I would probably move on.
No harm in asking. They can say no if they’re not comfortable with that boundary.
My apologies if I’m misremembering and confusing you for someone else, but is this the same woman you were talking about 2 or 3 months ago with this same question?
This weekend was really okay on my own, maybe next year I’ll be ready to meet someone again. I’m not ready to date just yet but I’m keen to have a bit of hope that he’s out there. I’ve been single for 18 months & it’s the first time I’ve really taken the time to get to know myself. I’ve restarted my career & I’m doing a degree, I bought a house, I finally learned to drive & love this new freedom, my time is my own right now. I’m having so many adventures hiking, swimming, gigs & random coffee places. I’m not quite ready to share my time with anyone just yet but I am starting to think about it. Sometimes I miss guy company. I miss flirting & daft innuendos. I miss a guy making fun of me & making me laugh with daft messages. I miss hearing about his life & what makes him happy. I miss feeling protected & cherished. When the times right, I’m sure he’ll be there but not quite yet. If you’re a guy over 38, single, don’t want children, early riser & love the outdoors, I exist, I’m just not quite ready yet. Speak soon!
I learned to drive after my divorce and it's one of my favorite things ever. I also did my degree, bought my own home and car, and started my career. It really does feel wonderful. I would be open to sharing it with someone, but I definitely don't feel like I have to, and that's also very freeing.
Long story short… Divorced 12 years no dating. Single dad. Started when son went off to college. Enjoyed the online dating, did not think I would. Met and dated a handful of nice woman. Had to make a decision. Friends was just not working out. Going with this woman 8 months now 4-5 exclusively seeing almost daily. First real separation traveling over holidays. We both have kids and families in different states. Received a well written note in a card showing our mutual feelings and amazement at the current situation. Happy endings might occur. Looking forward to what is to come.
If they don't really ask questions back do you really put any effort in? also if your sort of starting to date someone ( you haven't kissed them yet) do you set up a date with someone else in case it doesn't work out?
For the first question… I think it depends on the person, but I typically will lose interest in someone who doesn’t ask questions back. I feel like good conversations are like tennis matches, where the ball is being served and returned and then volleyed back and forth. If someone doesn’t ask questions about me, I take it as a lack of interest in who I am outside of my looks, or perhaps a lack of communication skills, and typically move on. For the second question, I think it depends on the person. Some people multi-date and have multiple dates at varying levels of progression and choose one person who they feel most compatible with. Others date feel comfortable only dating one person at a time and if the situation doesn’t work out, then set up another date with someone else. I think you just need to do whatever you’re comfortable with in this situation.
1. No. 2. Yes.
Currently traveling in Europe. I matched on Bumble with this local lady (R) at the start of my trip at the end of November in Holland. Only in Europe can I use a Bumble prompt to quip about a wealth tax and get a match 🤣. Anyhow, left Holland, and spent the last month backpacking Europe. Get back to Holland Dec 20 to fly home Dec 22. Note, me and R hadn't conversed at all for the past month aside from not letting the match expire. So I send a message to R to see if she would like to get a drink. She's up for it, Dec 21. Dec 21, and she cancels on me, she's sick, apologizes. Says she thought I'd be fun since our profiles have some similar vibes. I felt the same, oh well 😔. Dec 22 rolls around, due to inbound flight issues resulting in conflicting departure times, I miss my flight. Rebooked for 1 week later. I message R and let her know I got another week, and she suggests something "Christmassy" to give me a little comfort now that I'll be away from family for Christmas. Meet up on Dec 24 at a Christmas market. Had some gluhwein, a Bailey's and hot chocolate, then onto a couple bars for drinks and a bite to eat. I've never vibed with someone as I did with R, we talked politics, religion, society, relationships, family, mental health, just a free flowing convo. Unfortunately, I'm generally shy, reserved and somewhat clueless, so I didn't initiate any physical contact although I feel like opportunities existed. Anyhow, I'm really hoping to see her again before I leave and she was open to it. Plus she picked up the last bill, which wasn't cheap, and I agreed to split half, but when we parted, we both forgot. So I texted saying we have to meet up now 😉. I know I'm likely cloud-nining this whole thing, but will see how this plays out.
That sounds so organic and lovely. Ride that cloud baby!
Spent a good hour in another room alone from my family staring at a fireplace/fire by myself with rum, missing my ex and having a brief existential crisis. Commenced to go on Tinder, get no matches/activity (in hindsight who'd be using it on Christmas day?) and overall just felt romantically alone and missing the old life I used to have. Need to walk through the fire in 2023 and sort myself out before I even have a shot at meeting someone again.
I’m sorry, it’s rough out there but I commend you for even trying on Christmas Day. However, don’t forget that family is important too, imagine if it was just you alone with your rum and no family there with you? That’s truly lonely. Enjoy them while you have them, then you can let the right person enjoy them too.
I (37F) went on a date with a guy (44M) for the first time after taking a year off from dating. It was a long year. I’m glad I went on the date, but it ended up being a total bust. We talked easily over dinner for two hours and traded stories, but the attraction wasn’t there and he was kind of disrespectful towards women in general despite being nice to me, if that makes any sense. It did end with an awkward him-trying-to-kiss-me-as-I-gave-him-a-side-hug-to-avoid-it kind of exchange. Welcome back to me, I guess.
Both rant and a rave. Rave: A friend of a friend ended up hanging out at mine on Christmas Eve. Very unexpected and impromptu. My family isn’t close so I was just going to be alone which was fine. Then we texted and he came over. I had met him the night before with a mutual friend for cocktails. At mine, I realized how cute and smart he is and we talked for 4 hours. I’m very thankful for these out of nowhere connections on a holiday that can feel very sad. Rant: He left that night without any kiss or touch and then little engagement since. I sent a text about something we talked about the next day and he responded saying he’d take a look at it. That was all. I stupidly got excited about this unfortunately. I didn’t make a move and he didn’t either…so it must just have been a friendly hang thing. I’m a little down about it just that it was nice talking to him and he must not be reciprocal for more. That’s my read- “if a man is interested you’ll know” assessment. It happens, of course. I’m just kind of deflated but trying not to overdramatize and just be happy with the gift of a small interaction like that. It’s a special thing when you have a connection. I’d like to spend more time with him now I think.
Rant: Unfortunately once the ick comes...it stays. Been dating this bloke for 5 weeks and was low key obsessed with him. We got along well and the sex was great. I was comfortable with him meeting my friends and they all liked him. Two weeks in we agreed to be exclusive - as in, just dating each other but no gf/bf label - and that's when things started to change. I noticed he needed constant reassurance from me for things I felt were unnecessary. For example, I invited him out for drinks with my co-workers and I told him he had to make his way there himself as I was carpooling. He asked if it was weird if he came by himself which I thought was a bit odd but I said it was fine. Then he asked me three separate times if I wanted him to be there and I had to constantly tell him yes. When we were organising another date he kept on changing our plans which annoyed me. We had a chat about it and he admitted he is a massive overthinker and sometimes he thinks I am not happy which is why he wants to give different options. I told him I am a blunt person/straight shooter (which he knew) so he didn't have to second guess where I stood. We went out with my co-workers last Friday and as soon he arrived I could tell I was not feeling it anymore. When we went back to mine we had a long talk about his need for reassurance and while I left like the conversation was good I just felt exhausted. I let him sleep at mine and when I was half asleep I felt him kiss my temple and I felt the fucking ick - so I ended things that morning. He offered us to take a break and to try dating next year or if we could take a step back and just casually date - I said no to both. Either way, I'm glad I put myself out there!
I’m terrified of both getting the ick and being the recipient of the ick… sigh. All the best for you and it’s amazing that you were able to identify how you felt and acted on it immediately.
I worked pretty much the entire week and weekend. Just one more night until freedom. Then will enjoy the week off.
Hang in there!! 💕
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I didn’t get a single merry christmas message, it’s not a big thing among our friends and everyone knows I’m a grinch about christmas and have the worst time with my toxic family, it still hurt.
What I want to say is: I feel you and I wish you a very happy belated christmas.
Vent and I feel like a moron So my ex has been intermittently reaching out even though she confirmed she's dating someone as of December 1st (really bothers me because our relationship just ended on October 25). She continues to regularly comment and react to my Facebook posts. She sent me a message replying to a story of mine last week and just told me she loves my haircut. I reached out on Christmas Eve and wished her well. Also told her I was reconnecting with my sister because the estrangement is something we talked about when together and she seemed to genuinely care. I woke up in the middle of the night on Christmas and had to fight the urge to message her again. We used Facebook messenger to always communicate. I changed her nickname in the chat to "DONT" not realizing she would see it. I did it for myself to encourage myself not to message her. She asked what it meant and I told her the truth. I just hate that I was still so passive aggressive vs actively communicating.
I think you should give yourself the gift of no longer contacting her at all. You clearly have feelings still and she’s using it for attention. No contact will help you move on to be in a place to find someone who wants to be with you!
I thought there was a way to group contacts in my phone for my own purposes, so I created one called "Tinder Rejects," because I wanted to remember not to answer in case they texted me again once I deleted the number. *turns out i was adding a guy TO A CHAT with that title* 🤐🤦♀️ I was MORTIFIED. So... I feel your pain. It's been long enough for me now that I can laugh at myself for it and I hope you get there someday too! I think its good that you're taking care of yourself and reminding yourself not to reach out. Breakups are so hard to navigate. It always feels cliche to say, but the shitty feelings will get better with time. Hang in there!
Hahaha this made me cackle. I feel like if I were on the receiving end of this I might actually find it funny, especially if it was just like one date that didn’t go anywhere.
I live in a (medium sized) small, conservative town. Dating is hard enough locally, because the general values of people don’t often align with my own. Think: big trucks with trump flags flying, still. I most often match with people in the bigger cities, which are 2 hours away. My life is not conducive to traveling, as I am a full time live in caregiver. I make this pretty clear up front. It’s frustrating and it’s hard. Dating is hard enough as it is.
I feel better. I let him go and he sent me a message at xmas which was very sweet. I sent a message back thanking him and feel better about not burning bridges. I had an epiphany over the past few days and decided to take a break for the next few months. Dating really takes it out of me and right now my career demands alot more from me. The emotional toll on me was something I did not expect (like wow how invested I get is kinda insane) and I have now learnt I need to really be commitment free to date. My personality is unfortunately like that.
Had a Christmas Eve date (second date) at my house with a cute guy from Hinge, who mostly wanted to get very high and play board games. We did have sex, and he finished pretty quickly and didn’t do oral and danced around the subject a bit when I asked. I’m not sure how to bring it up a second time, but after a long marriage where my sexual needs weren’t met, orgasms for me are kinda important in my relationships! Then, on Xmas, got a dick pic with a bow photoshopped on it from a past FWB whom I’d asked if he’d consider being sexually exclusive. I got the sense he’d sent it to more than one person. So I guess that answer is no. And I exchanged some warm, friendly holiday messages from nice men who unfortunately work better as friends. So… the board games on Xmas Eve were fun ! 🤷♀️😐
> Then, on Xmas, got a dick pic with a bow photoshopped on it from a past FWB whom I’d asked if he’d consider being sexually exclusive. I got the sense he’d sent it to more than one person. First two unwrap the package wins? 🤔😶🫠
Decided to let go of a few matches I was feeling meh about. We had been chatting for 1-3 weeks with no date set. The conversations were all going OK, and a couple I was excited about (at one point in the past) but they had all fizzled. At first I thought I was just not interested enough to reply over Christmas, but honestly now I’m realizing I’m just not interested enough to keep chatting at all.
Better to chase a solid spark rather than set yourself up for a lukewarm date after lukewarm texting.
Is it normal to not hear from someone you’ve been dating for two months every day? Just new to me. Typically, significantly delayed response times with short, curt answers have told me someone is uninterested and trying to get you to end things so they don’t have to. However, she’s explained that she has all notifications on her phone turned off because they give her anxiety so she only responds to calls and messages once a day or so when she has time to dedicate to it. I relate to that and love a person not tethered to their phone, but it does get a bit frustrating at times. However, she’s sweet when we are together, more responsive when making plans, got me a thoughtful gift for Christmas, opened up to me about a few personal things going on in her life, and has invited me to parties and dinner with her friends on more than one occasion. Those things don’t usually happen with someone who is uninterested. Any thoughts?
I’ve seen a lot of people say texting really isn’t the best indicator of interest and active date planning is the most important thing. However, I’d give some thought to your compatibility as well. If the lack of texting is going to bother you in the long run or if you don’t actually mind as long as she’s interested in you.
I don’t think it would bother me as long as we are communicating semi-regularly otherwise. It’s still early, but I don’t see how we can move past the early stage and see if we are a good match if the only time we are chatting is when we are together in person once a week.
I'm similar to your date in that I often don't enjoy texting throughout the day (I find it hard to focus on what I'm doing when texting all the time). What about going on dates more than once a week, even if some of them are just quick 45 minute coffee dates? Or you could schedule FaceTime calls between in person dates. Personally, at two months I'd expect to start seeing one another 2-3 times a week, and daily check-in phone calls/FaceTimes wouldn't be unreasonable either.
It’s been a fun holiday season. I baked a cheesecake and put whipped cream and blueberries on top. My family friend guests enjoyed it, which made me relieved because I haven’t baked a cheesecake in years. My mom and I exchanged gifts, and we were both very happy with them. I’m pleased with my books. I’m a hundred pages into one already!
Rave: I’m in Europe for the first time and I am obsessed and so happy to be here. My boyfriend got a gate pass to send me off at the airport gate which was lovely and sweet. Neutral: I miss my bf and our communication has been lacking due to the time difference. I can’t wait to see him as it’s the longest we haven’t seen each other. Our communication is way better in person than when we’re apart in general so it’s causing me to overthink.
Happy holidays! Garden guy asked me out 🥳 We’ve got a lot in common, good intellectual chemistry and similar senses of humor. We’re even moving at the same pace, and he asked me out right when I was the most interested. The only thing that concerns me is we matched a month ago on another app and he stopped replying after a day of similarly good chatting.
Christmas was a good this year, last few were emotionally draining situations for me, because in the lead up to Christmas a few years back asked for divorce. So I'll take that as a positive. Bit bummed out that new years eve may just involve me, my couch and sleeping before midnight as everyone in my social circle either has young kids or doing couples things. I have no desire to go out to a NYE event at any of the local pubs/bars solo, I don't have the extroverted nature for it haha. Looking forward to 2023, will restart the dating apps and be a bit more invested I hope.
Better to have the company of yourself than someone shitty.
100%, plus NYE, although fun is just like any other night in reality, plus I'm going out with friends tomorrow so either way get to have some fun before work starts again.
While my younger brother got engaged, I was having phone sex with my long-distance FWB. My love life in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen.
I worked overnight shifts on Christmas Eve and Christmas 🥲. I also officially decided to take an 8 month break from dating, and that I want to move to a different state in August. Exciting, but also kind of depressing.
Hey new opportunities in a new location are exciting indeed. Think of all the people you’ll meet, the dates you’ll go on and places you’ll discover!!! Are you able to get a job that doesn’t involve overnights? I did them for 14 years and it was literal night/day when I went to a permanent day position two years ago, your mental and physical health will thank you.
Christmas with my mother is insanely exhausting, we have a very toxic dynamic but she expects me to pretend we’re all good, this morning it escalated... At least I’m going home in two hours. I have a dating related question. I know jealousy is a) mostly considered a turn off and b) oftentimes hi ts at some trust or self worth issues. But in the following situation I think it is legitimate? My bf has a co-worker who has some issues and they aren’t really friends but friendly. He went out for drinks with her a few weeks ago and later told me, that it was exhausting and she was flirting pretty hard and at the same time put herself down a lot. He is a super nice person and I do trust him a lot. But I am feeling uncomfortable with them spending time together. We haven’t been together very long (2 months official) and it makes me so insecure. In this particular instance, I feel it would be fine to communicate my feelings of jealousy in a calm way, without pressuring him or anything, what do you think? How shoyld I approach this?
I’m terribly insecure (working on it) so I don’t think I’d be able to go by without saying anything. I wish I could say “Oh, the way she’s flirting with you makes me uncomfortable…” and see how he picks up the conversation from there, but in reality I’d probably bottle everything up and cry about it 😅
I think that’s a solid plan as long as everyone is respectful and calm during the talk. In fact if you didn’t bring it up, it would be detrimental to the relationship
On Saturday and Sunday I hung out with my parents and two single aunts and it was so nice that nobody expects me to be in a relationship (I left my ex in July). I’ve been texting a super sweet guy who lives far away and I think when he visits me in January he’ll meet my friends. I have a really good feeling about him.
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This was my first Christmas post divorce. I told the guy I’m seeing I wanted alone time Christmas Eve and the day of. He didn’t get it but respected it. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you and respect the others’ boundaries. It sounds like you did, so good on you.
My guy did that too. I cried about it for a while. I’m an introvert and I get needing alone time, but it felt like a major rejection.
Had a great Xmas with my (38m) family and new partner (33f). Then after everyone leaves she tells me I did a great job hosting and that she loved her presents. Asks me if I need help cleaning up and the proceeds to tell me that I don't seem interested in her because I sometimes send messages like "I hope you have a good day" and did not send an actual question instead. For this case she would say I do not care about her day, and she compared it to a greeting card. She would have preferred I send "How is your day going?" With punctuation included. To me it seems about the same and a little nitpicky, and she goes text cold when I send messages like that. She does not text much, and I am a texter. Since it bothers her I will adjust my texting style but am looking to see if others have run into this and for feed back from women. Edit: I do want to add that she mentioned this a month ago as well, and we discussed having different communication styles. I've tried to match her style but I'm human and don't do it all the time
I had a great holiday weekend. We did the whole family thing for Christmas Day and we both seem to get along really well with each others families. We’ve been together 9 months now and I’m at the point where I’d like to ask him if he has any future thoughts about us living together one day. I’m planning to put my house on the market this spring and have started talking to some realtors.
Been an interesting but really good week with my folks! Sevika has (mostly) mostly behaved herself. The tree still stands and not a single ornament has been batted off the branches lol. I’m proud of her. She’s also gotten lots of new toys. Keeping this dating orientated, there’s a guy at the church down here that seems interested in me. We’ve gone out twice this week and had some fun conversations. Problem is he lives pretty far from where I live (I live in a major city with awesome public transportation so I don’t have a car). I can take a train and meet him halfway, but we’ll see. He’s attractive and seems normal so far. A little more conservative than I take ‘em but not anything that can’t be respected and spoken about openly. It also seems kind of inevitable given my dating pool. As long as opinions and views can be respected I don’t see it being a deal breaker unless he has extreme views that he hasn’t told me. I dunno. We’ll see I guess. I plan on keeping my expectations (but not my standards) low. He owns a house with property so he’s got at least some of his ish together and seems to have moved on from the initial cringey convert stage almost every new Orthodox convert goes through (yes myself included lol). Would be great if it worked out and I didn’t have to resort to apps haha.
Rave: he survived all my family events including a 50 person Christmas Eve party Rant: our family events were in a state impacted by the blizzard
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Certainly wouldn’t show if he doesn’t respond
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Christmas ended up being incredibly intense, in the most effortless and carefree way I’ve ever experienced it. I don’t understand what’s going on. Seriously. I’ve posted a few times on here how everything with my new partner feels easy and simple, no conflict, no issues, no drama, it’s just easy to be together and easy to be around him. Zero red flags of any kind, we’ve just been compatible and more compatible the more we see each other and the more we talk. It doesn’t matter what happens, to us to around us, it feels easy to navigate. I think it’s the level of support and appreciation I feel form him, and I think he feels similarly. I consider what he’s saying and I remember things, am grateful for him and his actions and everything we do feels to have had the other person in mind. Here’s a quick recap of everything that happened, and it just felt easy. All of it. Simple and easy. He went out with friends on Friday and drank a lot more than he’s used to, stayed at mine after and came home at 2:30am (I gave him a key to be able to do it) and I woke up to sit with him when he needed to throw up before going to bed. On the Saturday we walked my dog, met my ex who’s also my best friend, all while he’s dealing with a hangover and feeling a bit rough, I then met met his parents briefly, and we walked his dog. Went back to mine, had dinner, went to sleep. Christmas Day we walked my doggo, went to his parent’s place again, walked his dog, then spent half the day with his mum, who’s super chatty and welcoming, had food, then went to pick up his kid from his ex (I stayed in the car) and got back to his parent’s place to let his kid open presents and played with him until he was tired and went to sleep. My sister texts me out of the blue from my mum’s phone (they’re in another country, she is visiting my mum) saying I have to call them, as they’re all together and visiting another family member I never speak to that wants to see me - so we video call for a bit, and I chat to them in two languages my partner doesn’t know since only my sister speaks English. He then dropped me off and we were chatting in his car and reflected a bit on the day. It was really good. Although a lot happened, it was so comfortable and easy. I felt relaxed and welcomed, we checked in with each other constantly, he made sure I was ok the whole time, I made sure he was ok, it all felt - effortless. Being around him feels like he lifted a weight I didn’t know I was carrying, and I stand behind that so much. I keep trying to poke holes at this, but it feels like there aren’t any. Am cautious and careful and it’s been so easy. He said his parents really liked me, and so did his kid (we met once before). Today I’m meeting his sister and her kids, and I’ll bring my professional camera to snap some proper portraits of his kid and him together since he doesn’t have any nice photos of them two. I’ve had Christmas meals with my ex’s family where even though nothing ‘happened’ the atmosphere was so tense and heavy. Everything was an issue. The energy was always down and just being there felt like an effort. It’s something we ‘needed to do’ rather than ‘wanted’ to. I know that I’m still very much in the bliss and glitter of the ‘new relationship energy’ now and we don’t know each other THAT well, but honestly? It’s not like I’m some inexperienced and very impressionable young girl with no idea of the world. I’ve grown up around an alcoholic father, I grew up in a country that was in constant conflict with raging war, I moved to new countries several times as an adult and each time I had to be so acutely aware of my environment. I am always ‘turned on’. Aware. I think I’ve never felt so at ease anywhere within so little time. It felt like I could switch off. Just be. It feels foreign. It feels genuine. I keep trying to poke holes at this, to rationalise the ineffable. I keep waiting for the other shoe. When he came to mine in the middle of the night on the Friday, at some point between his other drunker mumbles he said he feels I’m too good to be true. I get that. I get this feeling about him. I went and got myself so in love with this person. it feels so incredibly easy, and I am so grateful. It all feels very mutual and I love this. I just love this. It’s been a short while but I’ve grown to love and care for this man, and it’s been so healthy. Every person I know that met him likes him a lot, his family likes me, he says his son likes me. my dog is obsessed with him, my friends like him and say he’s wonderful, my ex likes him. I don’t think there’s another shoe.
This was a gently warming read. I don't know you but I relate to being constantly "on" and I am happy for you that this relation alleviated your load. Seems like that's how it should be.
This is heartwarming and I’m happy for you. I really relate to the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop - a similar feeling is “Foreboding joy”, where you’re expecting a bad thing and it gets in the way of your current joy. I hope you continue to enjoy this great person❤️
Nothing directly related to a date but I was browsing in IKEA and it dawned on me that one of my biggest nightmares would be to find myself doing home decor shopping with some dude at IKEA. I have serious commitment issues it seems
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Exchanged gifts with my bf. He did such a good job with getting both nice and thoughtful gifts. Ugh I’m so in love with him and could see myself marrying him and it terrifies me.
Reached out to the Podcaster on Friday — he was super apologetic about making me think he’d ghosted me, and we’ve been texting intermittently since despite the holiday. I assume we’ll set a new date soon. Also ugh, shout out to the guy visiting from out of town who did not mention it (and had changed his Hinge location to be his parents’ neighbourhood!) until I asked him directly. Paragraphs and paragraphs back and forth for nothing, lol.
My parents told me that they have a wedding present waiting for me (my siblings have received theirs) and I am not sure how to process this. I am not likely to get married any time soon, but at least it is earning interest…
Great weekend. My boyfriend stayed over for the second time on Friday night. I met one of his best friends and we all went out for drinks. Saturday, he treated me to breakfast and then took me out for a short, easy hike. I ended up going to bed early around 630p since I stayed up all Friday (I work nights) so I could fall asleep Friday night with him. Xmas was spent with my family. Always kinda awkward and meh. I haven’t told my mom that I have a boyfriend or anything about me dating. No idea how to go about that. I realized I’ve never really talked about that topic with her before. His friends and family know about me and I feel kinda bad not saying anything. I’ve just never been very open about that stuff.
I worked the whole weekend which probably was for the best as it would’ve brought me to mull over how things have lost momentum with a girl I’ve been seeing the last couple of months. She said she’d love to meet up in the new year when she’s more settled (busy work, sick pet stress), yet I can’t help but think it’ll be a slow fade out as communication had not been the same as before the holidays. I get that people get busy with personal time and commitments over the festive period, but the hiatus feels unpleasant! Keeping myself busy and fortunately I still have work before NY so hopefully it’ll keep my mind off this
First time my family was together for Christmas since the pon de replay. Also first time playing host and having Christmas at my house. Some family met my boyfriend on Christmas Eve. My boyfriend also was a champ helping me prepare to host all week. I owe him big time. It was exhausting and wonderful.
Had a nice holiday. Painted, had some wine, made pasta sauce using my grandmother's recipe. Had a friend gathering on xmas eve. Didn't go home since my parents were traveling and I didn't want to drive 9 hours to meet them. Maybe another time but I had so much going on that I would've only been able to stay for the weekend. I wanted to go in part bc they want to move there, and I get the impression they *both* want me to move there and think I'd like it, and it's stressing me out a bit. I thought it was just my mom but my dad was saying something about it as well. I don't think they understand that I feel pretty established here. Obviously I will do what is good for me but considering it's pretty far away, I'm worried this is part of them deciding to move there. And if so I'd rather visit and make it clear I'm not moving there sooner rather than later so that they make their decision fully aware they're isolated from all their kids. Anyway. Now to tetris different dates into the various days of the week people aren't here visiting and get stressed out when they are only free on one day and it's the same day
I had a pretty good holiday. I have a great family and genuinely enjoy spending time with them. It also helps that they all live close, so I don't need to worry about traveling.
My vacation to Costa Rica has been canceled because Spirt Airlines fucked up. I was supposed to be in warm weather right now.... but no.... I was waiting until after my tip to start up the apps again so I guess I can get started earlier.
Had an ok holiday but not sure if anyone I date would be interested in accepting my family 😅 from the house that smells like cigarettes (which I’ve begged them to knock off- it’s 2022!), to the yelling and disorder it’s a LOT to take in. Tbh part of me wanting a partner is so that I could spend time with another family who actually treats it like a celebration and is interested in taking part of traditions situationship and I exchanged messages but Fwb I met up with twice in December didn’t reach out! Going to let the latter fizzle tbh, don’t think I gain much in that situation (hence why I didn’t reach out either) If you’ve been seeing someone since early October, would you find it odd to not try to spend NYE together? We aren’t exclusive but I’ve been kind of waiting for things to pick up and they have not yet. I have fallen back a bit because I’m not sure where they stand but I think the fact that we see each other once a week/ sometimes every two weeks speaks for itself. How do you usually get into seeing someone more often?
Lol ok as a 37 year old who really wants a family, it’s realistic that I need to lower my standards but can he be employed, not obese, but *also* get me a Christmas present? Is that too much?
Right before Xmas, I decided to give online dating a shot. I've been single for almost 2 years and in therapy after a string of unfortunate (and abusive) relationships. I downloaded tinder and I have like 20 matches. But only 2 of them have messaged me. Since I'm so new to this... If I'm the one matching, should I be the one messaging first?
Lots of matches won’t message or reply - pretty much par for the course. On Tinder you can choose to message first or not, but I would recommend sending a message to any match you’re interested in.
Rave: it was so chill and as a bonus, I got today off work (paid) and went shopping for after-Christmas deals 😃 yeeee
How soon should you talk about POTENTIAL living situations? The guy I've been dating has a living situation that is a dealbreaker for me. We have been seeing each other for a couple of months and so far everything else is lining up, but this was really bothering me, so I asked him if and when the time came if he would be open to moving. He said no. When I explained my point of view and possible compromises he said I was moving too fast and this was too much. I was very clear with him from the beginning that I am only dating for a serious relationship and not interested in anything casual, so I feel this conversation is necessary even though it's early on. I'm not asking him to do anything right now, but I feel it is only fair that I know where he stands before I invest any more time into this. So was it too soon to ask about this or was it a good idea to bring it?
Sounds like you did the right thing. Living situations are a big deal when it’s time to take it up a notch.
I was very into this guy spring/summer time, it didn’t work. We kinda stayed in speaking terms but hadn’t seen each other for 5 months. He texted me around the festivities and spent Xmas eve with me (Muslim background and his family doesn’t celebrate so it was an usual day for him). We talked and had lots of sex. Then decided we could maybe try fwb. I’m not into him like before and can’t even understand why I was in the first place…that made me question a lot of my relationships and how I want to belong that maybe I’m just falling in and out of love for the wrong reasons :(
i know that seems to suck but this is such important self data that you have now
This time last year, I was so in love with a man who didn’t give me anything back. No text, blah attitude, lame answers. This Christmas, that same man is with me, spending all of his day and time with me, and we’re looking at buying a home together soon. I’m very lucky.
Ruined it with a guy I really really liked because he asked for a selfie and I accused him of trying to steal my identity, he noped out 🥺
That does seem like an overreaction on your part. Was there other context on him asking weird questions about personal details?
No I was just sooo tired, had a terrible week at work, hate taking selfies and that happened, I re read the messages in the morning and didn't even recognise myself!
Didn’t recognize yourself, maybe he DID steal your identity 🙀😄
Hahahaha touche 😂
Could you try to apologize / make amends?
I did apologize in the morning when I realised how stupid I had been, he accepted my apology and said it was a real shame but he doesn't want to be with someone who is paranoid...there is nothing more I can say, but I definitely won't be doing that again!
Trains were cancelled, so I did not visit my parents for Christmas. They spent it alone. I went to a board games café in the afternoon, and cooked myself a feast to eat alone in the evening in front of youtube videos I curated for the occasion. I chose a terrible wine though. Feeling very lonely, my two previous were also alone, it's become a habit now. Also working through a lot of stuff mentally. I've read "Attached", a lot of things make sense. Started journaling. Went all out on a woman I'm seeing casually, telling her I don't see something serious with her. And she gave me full emotional support in return. She had to hear me vent about that other woman that rejected me, triggered my anxious attachment and codependency, and turned my life upside down in just a month. I'm still swiping on apps and have a date set up on Friday, to try to move on, but I can't help but think no one compares to the woman who rejected me. Still very few matches, and when I do, looking back at the profiles, I'm not attracted at all. I both want to do nothing at home, and feel guilty like I need to force myself to work on some of the personnal projects I had planned to start this week. And I keep hating myself for the things I did wrong with the woman that rejected me. The anxiety had kicked in and my insecurities regarding sex also turned me crazy. All the success I had on the first date, got washed away on the second. All because I got excited and really interested in her after our first date. Oh, and I had a first session with a relationship coach, I don't know if it's worth it, but might as well try everything because I can't keep going like this or I won't find my life partner.
Why do you hate yourself? Would you hate a friend who did something similar? We all make mistakes and it looks like you’re on the path of self-correcting and that’s something to celebrate!
This holiday has been hard enough- do I have to see couples being lovey dovey at the GYM?!?! We’re here to burn calories solo, not together. 🙅🏻♀️😤
Over the weekend I turned my dating profiles into an outlet to find friends to golf with. I love to golf but it’s hard connecting with other people who are regularly free to golf as well. So far my conversations have been so much better. People who are connecting are way more engaged in conversations. Who knows where these connections could lead but I’m super pumped to get to use my new driver soon!!
Oh my gosh I love this! Sounds like a fun community
37m Tinder rant: I’m out of town visiting family. Figured I’d use tinder to try and setup a hookup before I leave. I changed my bio and made a good amount of matches. Sent messages that are funny and clear about what my plan is. Got responses from almost all of them but good god there’s no personality or humor from these women. I don’t want it to feel like a transaction. I want to have some laughs and actually like the person even though I know it’s a hookup. I like sex to be fun. Have some personality. Ok rant over. Hope everyone had a great Christmas and you got all the gifts you asked for.
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That sounds like a really nice weekend! I want one of those Monstera mats.
#
The House in the Cerulean Sea is so lovely and wholesome and sweet. One of the best reads of 2021 for me. I hope you enjoy it!
My ex-bf texted me “Merry Christmas” on Christmas Day and I don’t understand why he continues to keep in touch with me or whether he has made up his mind on whether he wants to reconcile with me. Today, I am going on my second date with this new man who seems really great overall. Having moved on from my ex-bf breaking up with me around 3 weeks ago, my feelings for my ex has kinda dissolved a bit and I am so confused as to what I want right now.
If you aren't interested, you don't even have to answer him. Lots of exes come out of the woodwork on the holidays to spark up conversation with people they've not spoken to the rest of the year. It may mean nothing.
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I keep meaning to update in these weekly threads, but I’ve been so busy the last few weeks, with work, travel, New Guy and getting ready for Christmas. It was a good holiday with my family - I think it really helped that at the end of each evening, I leave and go to my sister’s house, so I can decompress and just get some alone time, without everyone all over each other at my parents house. A few months ago, I posted about having a conversation with my Dad, after he’d been treating me weirdly for over a year. I didn’t spend much time with my parents for Thanksgiving, but things seemed to be better then, and I feel like things are finally back on track with us after the last couple of days. They definitely don’t feel the *same*, but they feel like they’re improving and it makes me happy. I’m off all of this week and am going to try to take things easy - I don’t have any real plans, other than seeing New Guy tomorrow & exchanging our Christmas gifts together. His birthday was a few days before Christmas & he loved his gift; I really hope he likes his Christmas gifts.
Partly bored and partly curious about swiping in my home town I hopped back on Tinder. Got a match and didn't even remember that I swiped right on her, but turned out to be more or less exactly the profile I'm looking for: toned down but upfront, wanted long term, kids and pets, no bio but letting the pictures and labels speak for themselves, for example. Started talking and it felt good, but after a day's messages back and forth it just stopped. So just a good old rejection you might think, but somehow I was mortified. I like very few profiles and could be described as picky, so when something promising turns up and it clicks even the slightest, I get my hopes waaay up. This is a pattern I thought I'd gotten past and was surprised how it affected me, I've been in therapy this year talking about my attachment styles (among other things) and how I struggle at forming romantic relationships. I just can't understand how a person can start to completely ignore another, but I guess that's just how it is sometimes. Don't have a point with all this, it just sucks being sensitive. OLD feels like a mine field.
The guy I'm seeing told me he isn't ready for a committed relationship and I've posted about this before. But we're acting very couple-y. And honestly.. I don't mind it. We're spending the next week together - today through new year's Day - and I'm pretty excited. He's then going to Puerto Rico and I'll be there for a bit while he's there. I'm just taking it day by day and enjoying the time we have together because it's everything I want right now - I'm avoiding the DTR talk for the moment for fear of fucking this up. Just gonna go with the flow until I can't take it anymore and need some definition. I'm getting better at tolerating ambiguity which is an achievement for me. Realising that all relationships are a risk anyway and even if he said he wanted a relationship and to commit - actions speak louder than words. Rn I'm just listening to his actions. Enjoying the time. Hoping things go okay. In other news, I spent some time hanging out with one of his best friends and that dude told me he was attracted to me... Ugh. I mean it's fine and I'm flattered and I talked to the guy I'm seeing about it and it was all chill but I detest this sort of drama and hoping it doesn't turn into anything difficult down the road.
How much time are you willing to give up to this person? I guess it's okay to enjoy it for what it is, but eventually you'll have to move on and try to find someone who does want a relationship.
I mean. It sounds like you already had a talk about the defining the relationship and he told you he's not ready. Not sure I would want to stick around and try again!
I’m 30 and feel like I wasted too much time on the wrong person and I’m not going to find anyone now lol
My boyfriend has an ex that he co-parent their kid with. I am the first actual gf he has entered a serious relationship with and finally he told his ex about it. Ever since he told her about me, she started buying him birthday presents and xmas presents ( apparently she hasn't really do anything like that the past few years) , not just general gifts, but things like his fav brand of clothing and shoes etc. I am pissed.
I’m in my first slow burn relationship and it feels so good. Slowly falling for him every day instead of the huge, instant, drug-like trance of NRE that I usually get. The feelings aren’t overwhelming, but warm and comforting. I’m just feeling really happy :)