People who text a lot in online dating
By - signupinsecondsornot
Here are 2 threads on opposite sides of this story:
- [Please create some mutual interest before asking me out.](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/o8xowv/please_create_some_mutual_interest_before_asking/)
This sub changed my mind about meeting up with people sooner rather than later](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/n8mhpr/this_sub_changed_my_mind_about_meeting_up_with/)
I feel a lot about what you’re saying. I seriously ebb and flow between how much I want to engage in this. However, it’s what I prefer more than surface level/shorter communications.
What I’d say (and have said, and might today to someone!) is: “I love your engaging questions! But I bet could really answer them a lot better in person. ;) how about drinks this week?”
This way you’re acknowledging that you appreciate them and their investment in you but that you’d also prefer to move forward into a date.
If you’re not ready to move forward into a date you need to answer but keep things light.
This approach would definitely work on me after like a day or two of messaging because it tells me you are interested in getting to know me, you’re interested in meeting in person (which I prefer) and that we’ll meet some time within the next few days. At this point if you’d ask me if I’m comfortable giving you my number so that we can text and set something up then I’d definitely give it to you. My Google number of course! lol I don’t like it when guys suggest meeting up that very night though. It comes off as creepy and desperate and it makes me think that the guy is a serial dater, is just looking for something casual and doesn’t have a life.
This will not work on people who like to text for weeks and weeks. However, that may not be such a bad thing, it might be an initial indicator of how compatible the two of you may be. Based on their response you can decide whether to keep pursuing them or not.
> “I love your engaging questions! But I bet could really answer them a lot better in person. ;) how about drinks this week?”
“Well I’m at my grandma’s funeral this week, and I don’t drink alcohol…two things you’d know if you’d bother to talk to me for 5 freaking minutes”
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Hopefully she wasn't as rude as you are."
“Oh grannie had plenty of sass, that’s what makes grannies great”
"Sass is between people who have already built a rapport. Does she happen to have any other grandchildren that can differentiate??"
"oh now you're interested in building rapport? Funny, a couple of messages ago you wanted me to go to a bar and make sure I was filled with alcohol so I lowered my inhibitions without knowing anything about me other than my photos on OLD."
"Well, I was interested in building a rapport, which is why I asked you out for drinks. Drinks can be tea, coffee, Coke or alcohol. You could have easily said 'I don't drink alcohol, but I'm OK with having a water while you have a cocktail'.
Instead, it seems you're intent on being argumentative, so looks like we're not a great match. Good luck out there!"
I am the over texter in most of my relationships and I’ve had to learn that this does not work for everyone. I usually will tone it down depending on who I’m talking to but I also let people know that just because I’m texting you something, doesn’t necessarily mean I want a reply quickly or even at all. I’m a very “stream of consciousness” texter and usually when the pressure is off, they don’t mind.
This is interesting. I'm (F) and I'm all about the texting for a while.
I'm a fulltime shiftworker so my time is precious to me. I have hobbies and pets and friends. I will make time though for the right people.
I don't know about anyone else but if I responded to every " hey wanna meet up for coffee I don't like texting" then I would have no time.
It's effort to get ready for even a coffee catch up. Wash the hair/makeup/clothes. It's definitely less casual than it seems.
From a female standpoint how do I know I'm not catching up with an incel or a mansplainer from a single line of text from a man that says " don't like texting wanna meet up?".
Screams unsafe to me -( you know that whole don't meet up with strangers from the internet thing).
Especially as most men have no bio. Do we have common interests, is there banter, is there anything at all..?
So I'm team #notmeetquickly.
2 days, maybe three. Pending work scheduals and such.
Same. I find that if you engage a dude in texting for at least a couple days, he will drop a few red flags that save me Uber fare and a few swipes of mascara.
The point being made is not against texting a few days. Using a few days to screen someone is totally cool, and realistically, its just basic courtesy to give someone a few days notice before a meet up.
The criticism is about people that text *too much* and use it as a substitute for actual in person interaction, which drags things out and kinda ruins any chance of building chemistry when key relationship building conversation topics are being wasted in texting instead of actual in person bonding. The types of people that get stuck at the texting stage are who this argument is about.
I didn’t realize this was an argument, but rather a discussion about preference.
What is *too much*? I think that’s a personal line you have to draw. Myself and the commenter I replied to would like to converse a bit longer for various reasons. Mine are:
1. I don’t want to die. And given ample time, a dude will reveal himself to be a total fucking creep if he is one. Plus, drawing a boundary early on is a great way to weed out controlling guys.
2. Many dealbreakers will be revealed without having to spend our valuable time getting gussied up and staying up past our bed time.
3. I don’t text a lot, but I need someone who can banter with the best of them. Anyone can be funny for a few lines a day for a weekend. But can they riff? Are they quick on their feet? Do they get my weirdo sense of humor?
Maybe it’s too long for some. Maybe it’s just long enough. But there’s no universal sweet spot, so no one is going to win this “argument”.
Let me preface this by saying there's no real objectively correct way to date or interact with people. Everyone is different of course. But the argument surrounding too much texting is primarily based around common sentiments people have in regards the efficacy of these methods in dating. So while they may not apply to everyone, it's still a good idea to acknowledge where people are coming from with this "argument".
With that being said, so lets address your points.
>What is too much?
Too much is when you spend more time "bonding" over online/texts instead of bonding in person and building actual connections. "Text-bonding" is creating a pseudo-connection with a stranger you've never met and honestly have no real idea of as to who they are. The tone and minute behavioural nuances of in person interactions are completely lost through texting.
Texting is an excellent tool to screen out people you don't like and sort out logistics. But it will never be an accurate substitute for actual face-to-face interaction.
>1 - I don’t want to die. And given ample time, a dude will reveal himself to be a total fucking creep if he is one. Plus, drawing a boundary early on is a great way to weed out controlling guys.
Then you be smart and only meet people in public spaces during the day. Like a cafe. You don't agree to meet anywhere alone or share personal details until you're more comfortable and have built *real* trust.
>2 - Many dealbreakers will be revealed without having to spend our valuable time getting gussied up and staying up past our bed time.
Deal breakers are revealed a lot faster in person. I've gone on like 1 or 2 bad 1st dates that lasted 1 hour at most and went home. Didn't get super dressed up or overly invested. All I lost was an hour of my time. That's it.
Whereas if you spend days or weeks trying to "get to know" someone only to then be disappointed in the end anyway when you finally meet and then failed to meet your expectations. You'll have wasted significantly more of your own time investing in the "fantasy" of this person you created in your head.
>3 - I don’t text a lot, but I need someone who can banter with the best of them. Anyone can be funny for a few lines a day for a weekend. But can they riff? Are they quick on their feet? Do they get my weirdo sense of humor?
You can find out if a person is witty or not within a few hours of texting them, which should naturally lead to you wanting to meet them. Prolonged texting will only drag out conversations that should be in person, which will kill any chemistry you hope to have with people.
>Maybe it’s too long for some. Maybe it’s just long enough. But there’s no universal sweet spot, so no one is going to win this “argument”.
You're right. There is no universal sweet spot. But its also virtually impossible for 2 people to build real genuine mutual *interest* until they actually meet. By actively avoiding in person interactions, it only severely limits ones chances of building real connections with people.
I remember years ago when my best friend started texting this random guy, she thought he was incredibly boring and unresponsive while texting and was going to ghost him. Until the guy basically just asked her out, so she took a chance and just met him in a bar in person, where she found out that he was full of life and energy and incredibly charming in person which caught her off guard. 3 years later, they're now engaged and have a house and child together.
Moral of the story. If you want a real relationship. You're gonna have to actually put yourself out there for it to happen. If you only approach people defensively at arms length, sure you'll be protecting yourself, but it also makes it very hard to build real connections.
Anyway, sorry I wrote so much. That's the general gist of why people believe that too much texting can in fact be a major hindrance.
On the other hand, I’ve built long lasting friendships (and relationships) with humans to which I had only spoken on message boards or AIM for months or years before meeting.
Yeah, all of that is important. But if you’re so wrapped up in the idea of a person after 12 days of texting that you can’t reconcile it with their actual personality, that’s a much larger issue.
And please with the “so meet in public” warning. There’s major toxicity in the way you just assume that a woman can make one simple choice and avoid getting into a violent or abusive situation. A lot of controlling behavior isn’t revealed until they’ve already charmed and love bombed the shit out of you. A good way to suss out abusive assholes is to deprive them of their ability to do so early on. Again. Setting that boundary can show a lot about a person and their respect for a person’s comfort and autonomy.
I’ve started adopting the texting then moving to FaceTime for a couple nights, *then* meet up for a date. FT is like a preliminary date that you can get out of easily (phone died, parents calling, etc.) and it’s such a great way to identify a lot of their red flags before you meet in person if you even decide to meet after the calls lol.
Ooof, now that things are open again, there’s no way I’d want to FaceTime first. I’m so over zoom work meetings by the end of the day. I don’t even want to FT friends in the evening any more.
That’s crazy! I’ve always worked from home and now I prefer FT specifically because I can see faces. I see so few of them every day and love connecting! Think it depends on personal preference but can totally understand why it would burn someone out!
Jeez, there's no way I'd Facetime a woman before we've even been on a date. That's a ton of time and energy to put into something that hasn't even started yet. Please tell me this has not become a common thing.
I don’t think it’s super common, but could be wrong. I work from home so it’s a really normal occurrence for me to talk to people I don’t know with the camera on. Just don’t have the patience to text all evening when we could FaceTime instead.
Oh I definitely don't want to text all evening either. I want to meet up and talk in person.
I’m more of a “see how they are on FaceTime and identify any red flags before getting all dolled up to meet someone in person who ends up being not a good match” kind of person haha
For me I have trouble bridging the awkwardness during it and also the fear of running out of topics for the time we meet
FT conversations don’t have to be so extensive you run out of topics. It can be easy stuff like “what are you doing this week, what did you do today, etc.” I think maybe if you’re worried this will happen, which is a valid concern, then set boundaries before the call so you don’t feel compelled to stay on for hours and hours. Could say something like, “Hey, I have to go do [task, errand] in an hour,” that way you have enough time to get to know them (see their reactions,
Facial expressions, identify potential red flags if applicable), but you don’t go so far into conversation that y’all have already covered the interesting stuff before the first date.
However, I’d take it as a sign that if you’re already running out of topics by the first date and there are already awkward pauses, the future with that person does not bode well lol.
>However, I’d take it as a sign that if you’re already running out of topics by the first date and there are already awkward pauses, the future with that person does not bode well lol.
I think it depends... It's hard to conversate with anyone when we haven't established enough common ground and have no shared experiences
That's why I really like meeting up outside. You're going for a walk, random things happen, it sprouts another random topic, etc etc
Ah, you’re right. It appears that I misunderstood where you were coming from. I understood your comment to mean you didn’t want to run out of topics before seeing them in person, but your follow up comment suggests it’s more like.. having shared experiences allows for more topics to be brought up; less likely to have a lull when there’s unlimited topics around you.
That makes sense. I think it depends on comfort level and past experiences with these things. It’s good that you recognize your needs though!
Yep, precisely. Humans are best face to face ultimately
Very happy to read that another woman feels this way/does this. (& so well said)
Seems like every time a question like this is posted here the majority of replies are #TeamMeetQuickly.
Agree. I need to have at least a bit of an idea that we'll get along. That can happen after just a few hours or a few days, also depending on my schedule at the time. But people who flat out refuse to have a conversation with me will definitely not get to meet me.
I dunno, I feel it between their profile and a few messages it’s pretty easy to spot who’s potentially an incel or such. But I also work in an intimidating, specialized STEM field and having that on my profile instantly screens out a lot of those guys or they expose themselves in about two sentences when asking about my work.
I also hate coffee dates and think they’re too low effort. The two I went on were awful. I probably could have weeded those guys out by sticking to something only minimally more effort, like drinks at a nice-ish bar. Having to put in a small amount of effort planning a date also drastically cut the amount of guys wanting to go out. Heaven forbid they might have to put on a clean shirt…
>So, what's the norm these days on how long to text for, before meeting up/suggesting a date?
You can't win them all; you need to do what is comfortable for you.
I am #TeamMeetQuickly because I learn 1,000% more about a person being face-to-face than I ever would texting, messaging, calling, FaceTiming, SnapCraping, etc.
Also on this team. If they can coherently respond without trying to sex me up in the first 10 messages (and maybe ask me a question about myself -low bar, but it's nice to not be doing all the question-asking), I've usually decided by then whether they seem safe/interesting enough to meet up for a coffee. Ask them out. Boom.
15 minutes of chatting over coffee is *so much* more meaningful to gauge chemistry and personality vs. weeks of texting.
Completely agree! I don’t understand how others feel it’s so hard to screen for creepy men. After a ten or so messages (so maybe a day or two tops?) it’s pretty easy to spot 90% of the weirdos. And like you said, they’ll usually try to switch the topic to something sexual or weird.
Totally agree with you. I feel it's a lot to invest in trying to get to know somebody via text and then meeting in person and not clicking. Lmao snapcraping what a name.
I lost it for a good 5 seconds or so. I need to quote "Snapcrapping" at some point XD
I was dying laughing. Always one of those great things when youre looking at your phone and busting out laughing. Then you look at your friends and you can see it in their eyes judging you, LOL.
LOL asif he was a broken rat lol
Yes I agree. Anything more than a day of messaging is boring, and I want to meet soon.
OP sounds like they’re leaning #TeamMeetQuickly and they should embrace it - the people who want to text forever will self select out when you propose meeting IRL sooner rather than later (which you should do!). I’d love to see some kind of poll on which approach yields more/better matches, because I’ve been quite surprised by the number of people on this sub who are #TeamTextForever, because I don’t know anyone who approaches it this way. It’s obviously a question of comfort and everyone should do what works for them, but it seems like a giant waste of time to me to invest in someone who I’m judging off a handful of pictures that could be out of date/misleading and whether or not they can message me in an engaging way - it really isn’t indicative of their conversational skills IRL.
Totally same team as you. Texting and calling don't give you the full picture of connection and chemistry. People say all kinds of things from the safety of being behind their phones. When you meet in person that's when you can see if they put their money where their mouth is.
Same. Things seem to fizzle out quickly through text in my experience.
>I have a couple of matches right now who are very avid texters. They write paragraphs up and down, ask questions, share interests.
>So, what's the norm these days on how long to text for, before meeting up/suggesting a date? And what do the people of this sub think about matches who text very long messages?
I tell people that head's up, but I'm not a huge texter and prefer to only text about information/details, so not to take it personally. If they dump paragraphs throughout the day despite my warning, I just move on. Method of communication incompatibility and I just don't have the time or energy to keep up text conversations throughout the day while we have things to do.
I would say setting a meeting date/time within 3 days is completely reasonable (although I’ve often agreed to meet within one day).
If they still aren’t comfortable meeting after 3 days but are flooding you with text messages, I’d seriously consider moving on. Totally anecdotal of course, but in my experience almost every time the person delayed meeting, the reason for the delay was obvious once we met. One person had gained 100+ lbs. since their profile photos were taken, as one example.
I know there are totally legit reasons to be wary of meeting strangers online, but really it’s just about finding someone who is on the same page as you. As you can see by reading these comments, many of us are! 😊
Everyone's texting styles are so different.
Personally, I haaaaaaaate texting. It's the worst. I try to just use it to get some kind of phone, video, or IRL interaction which will tell me more in five minutes than spending an hour having a two-minute conversation. I hate looking at my phone. I hate waiting to respond. I hate having to stop what I was doing every three minutes to respond to the, "ding." I hate overthinking my responses. I hate overthinking which emoji to use. Ten minutes later, I'll send the text and think I didn't send it fast enough. If I send a text too soon, maybe I'll seem too needy. If I send it too late, I'll be flaky. If I miss a text, that could be me coming across as disinterested. Maybe if I type a quick and terse response that makes sense to me but after rereading sounds like gibberish, maybe it won't make sense to her, she'll brush it off, and the conversation is dead from there. If I type too much, I look like I'm desperate. If I type too little, it looks like I don't care. It's too exhausting, too much pressure to be perfect, and ultimately only interesting if it's something active like sexting or making plans.
So for me, I might flirt a little on text, but I flat out say that I'm great in person but terrible over text right away. And that I value phone/video calls or IRL, but I don't like to stare at my phone or respond immediately when I hear that buzz buzz. And I get right to the point on just trying to set up a date.
Just straight up say you'd like to meet. I did that with the last match I pursued and it was the best decision I could have made. The chemistry is off the charts...but even if it weren't you'll know.
I mean isn't the whole point to actually meet someone? If they don't want to meet anyone in person they should join a penpal site.
Meeting sooner rather than later is my preference. I had several experiences where the texting chemistry was really great, but the date chemistry was non existent. Texting for a prolonged period before having an ultimately disappointing meet up really made it harder for the other person to understand things just lacked chemistry for me.
Most of the issues people bring up here are solved by picking up the phone and having a conversation where you can hear the person's voice. No need for endless texting while still checking if an in-person meeting will be worthwhile.
Text the amount you want to and if they have a problem with it they can go fuck themselves?
Why not ask? “I’m enjoying our conversation and I’m excited to see how we connect in person. What kind of timeframe do you like for meeting up with charming strangers?” Express your interest, leave room for them to state their preferences without it being a rejection, and decide whether it’s worth pursuing from there.
First of all, I get a lot of this is OLD too and I dislike it for the same reasons. It’s unhealthy to build expectations around someone you have not yet met. I cut right to the chase and when I give out my number it is only after they have asked me out or I have suggested we meet, so once we text, plans are the very first thing we discuss. If it’s possible to schedule a date within that same week, that’s what I do.
Are people asking for/giving out digits without any mention of getting together? I think trading numbers means you want to meet, so you shouldn’t consider asking to get together right away “putting pressure” on them. I would actually right off 2 days of texting with no mention of plans as a loss on move on.
Say something like “seems like we have a lot to chat about - want to grab [drinks/coffee/dinner]?
I have said before that I'd like to save some of the stories for the in person meet-up. Not in those words but that's the sentiment. It's normal for it to peter out a bit right before meeting I reckon, if you've talked for a bit. Then you meet and either it's great or it's not.
I guess I'm kinda 3-4 days-ish. Depending on how much I guess. I ask about stuff in the profile. Make sure there's no deal breakers on either side. I also have a decently filled plate so sometimes you need a few days to get some free time to meet.
All that being said, being a guy, I also wait for a signal on their end that they actually want to meet. I assume they are way more cautious than I am and for good reason from texting screen shots I've seen.
What kind of signals do you look for?
Cues in what they say. "I'd like to meet" is always a good one, or if they name drop a place they like. I mean I think once they show a modicum of trust that's a good sign.
I make sure they have my number if we've not moved to text and point out which me it is in Google (my name is not uncommon) so they can do further research and have their best girlfriend have my bio ready to speed dial the cops. :). I know I'm top 1% of the guys dating pool when it comes to morals and behavior but they don't and I try to be considerate of that.
"Hey I'm really liking the conversation we have going. Can we do facetime at 6 when I'm not so busy?"
I used to text so much, months worth. And then I realized it’s kinda pointless. Meeting quickly after establishing the basics works out much much better.
I'm the same as OP in that texting does not do much for me. But I don't want to go out with all of my matches, as it's too much volume. The solution is screener video/phone calls. You get most of the benefits of live communication while still being free, flexible, and fast. I started doing this during covid for safety and I'm not going to switch back (for online dating).
Why not find a middle ground and call first? If the call goes well you can meet. Bumble has an in-app call option now so you don’t even need to exchange numbers.
The women you’re talking to also have “work and hobbies”, but they’re putting an effort in to get to know you before meeting or assessing if they even want to meet. You don’t have to do it on end for days but get to know each other a little before meeting.
I've had people I've talked to for days and meet, and I've had people I've not met until after weeks of chat... Every person and circumstance is different. I prefer talking for a while, because while you may lose a little spark, knowing the person better, and getting a feel for how you fit in to their life and schedule when not face to face, more than make up for it, and tend to be a better indication for long term compatability.
That being said, I'd never be unhappy with someone asking to meet soon, as long as it wasn't done in a weird way.
I used to do that and got ghosted every time, now I don't do OLD at all and life is much better. I'm more attractive IRL from what I gather.
Meh, I’m meeting up with a woman after one day of texts since she’s travelling through. A meet and greet isn’t a huge deal. Like “date 0”.
I'm the same. Here's the deal, though, even when you ask 2 days after matching, by the time you actually meet up, it's going to be 4-6 days total. So you'll still be communicating and interacting for a few more days before the date. So, just ask them out when you feel it. If they're not into it, they'll tell you. I've had a few women say they want to get to know me a bit better. So I tell them to let me know when they're ready and keep texting for a few more days.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills reading this sub. If a woman seems interested I ask her out that same day. Otherwise chances are pretty good she won't reply when I try to pick up the conversation the next day.
Once the date is set, I don't like to spend a bunch of time texting because there's like a 50% chance she'll ghost or flake before the date happens anyway.
Women here seem to want a man to invest an awful lot of time into getting to know you before you've even proven yourself to be serious about meeting up.
Trust me…less is more. Any conversation is more valuable in person…txting is for scheduling the meet up.
Edit: You have to look at it like this….where’s the fun in going out on a date when you already have everything they’re going to say on your phone? Women love mystery…they love trying to figure me out and why I’m not always worshipping them like the 100’s of men in their phones/DM or too busy to lock down on a phone call “what can be more important than talking with me?” They think in a lot of cases 😂😂😂Women are just as competitive as men but they specialize in a psychological way over physical.
I've had this problem before and hate it when people flood me with texts - it's a flag to me that they don't have enough going on in their lives.
I usually say: "Hey, I'm pretty active with \[outdoor activity/hobby/mindfulness/whatever\] and would like to get to know you better, but hate living on my phone." or "I'm old and my thumbs can't keep up with everything I want to talk about." or similar. You can pivot to having a regular phone call, which is a nice chemistry sampler before a real date, or just push for a real date.
Call them out on high volume texting if you're not comfortable with it, 99% of people out there want to spend less time on their phones anyways so I'm sure the nudge would be well received, or at least neutrally received.
I don’t have a wealth of experience to offer, but I’ll share what I have. I have done the extensive texting before meeting and what happened more often not was the physical chemistry was not there. With the girl I’m seeing now, I think we texted for 3-4 days for many hours and met twice within the first week. Once for a quick walk on the beach just to vet each other and the second time was the day things closed down, so we ended up at my place and got to know each other instead.
Based on my experience, I prefer to text over the course of 2 - 3 days max and then either one of us suggests meeting in person. As I'm getting older, working full time, have hobbies, etc, constant long texts is not ideal for me to get to know someone and looking for something long term. If I have a couple of matches, I would hope the initial texts are light hearted, fun and I do ask what are their intentions for being on the dating apps.
I can't waste my time anymore with anyone who only sends long winded texts. I would prefer to schedule and spend my time dating someone, in person, as quickly as possible because I can determine their sense of character and see if they are a good match for me. With too much texting in the beginning, I find meeting the actually person doesn't match who I'm texting. I texted a guy for two weeks and then when we met in person, he was dry, boring and definitely not interested in me and I pretty much forgot what he said on that first date lol.
I did have another experience with one match who I texted over a month and it was the worst decision of my life. He was cute and intelligent. The conversations were sometimes okay or lacked depth. I started to lose interest and then he would start to put in more effort in talking to me which made me a little hopeful. Then when we finally scheduled a coffee date after a month, I showed up and he stood me up. He said he forgot about the date and apologized but never rescheduled. That was the final straw for me and I unmatched him. I thought to myself this guy has no dating experience to be treating me like this lol.
So lesson learned, keep texts light hearted and flirty then schedule that first date when you can because your time is precious and dating in person is more ideal and to determine if they are worth spending time with!
I text for a couple of days, suggest a meet up if they haven't already, then let it go. If they want to meet up they will respond in kind, and match my energy. If they don't, they'll avoid the question, and I just leave them alone.
I have a bad habit of over sharing and writing long paragraphs in texts. I just enjoy story telling lol. From my experience it's best to set up a date ASAP so that you waste less time. I've texted with people for months before only to meet up in person and have 0 chemistry.
Some people will want to move on to real life relatively quickly and some won't. Personally, I prefer to get to know guys via text in order to gauge whether I want to meet them. So it just depends. Maybe put on your profile that you prefer to meet sooner rather than later, to weed out the more hesitant ones?
Suggest a video call through the app(I never give out my number before meeting in person)
If they’re down to text that much then it seems like they would be down for an actual conversation. Video chats are more efficient for communicating and they offer a glimpse into what an actual conversation with that person would be like. You can kind of vet them before deciding to meet up, it can either reinforce meeting up or make you decide that you don’t want to.
I keep things in the app until we've met once and then I'll share a phone number. I prefer to meet asap in a public place for a set time.
Your desire is to have something on the books within 2 days of chatting. You are incompatible with people that want to draw this shit out. I would try to be talking about meeting within a few hours of texting. Like what do you REALLY know about a person from this kind of interaction. All you need is chemistry to meet up in a safe place. People who put up barriers to this are sus as fuck.
I believe it totally depends on the person. I usually text for a week or so before I meet them in person.