Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Make the best decision for you.


I agree with this, but as someone who is 34 and literally doing the same thing as you. I think it's smart. I'm currently living in CO, but will be moving back to my parents because they offered me a deal I couldn't refuse. 3k rent for 6 months. So yea man do you. At the end of the day the only person that takes care of you is you. So make the best of it.


You might find someone doing the same thing who isn't interested in going out and blowing loads of money too though? And who'd be impressed with you. I don't think it needs to be mentioned straight away. Just ask for coffee dates and a walk to see if you like each other. There's lots of low cost options.


Yes! The perfect match could be someone who has the same values around saving and expenses that you do. Finding dates and activities that don’t cost a ton of money is possible; if you have real chemistry, simple things can lead to incredible experiences. Grocery shopping and cooking a meal together while you watch a goofy chef on YouTube, whatever. Someone being hung up on needing to create an experience by spending a lot of money, in my opinion, can be a bad sign for the future when/if times get tough. I realize a lot of women want to be swept off their feet or led/have the partner make a lot of effort initially, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be the first date. Nothing wrong with finding out if you like each other and are a good match before all that. As a woman who has been swept up, wined and dined, only later to find out the match was not good for either of us, it’s easy to get lost in that in the beginning, and maybe not see the person for who they really are (on both sides). Shared values and creativity, combined with that chemistry and spark, can go a long way! To answer the question, do what makes you happy, but maybe don’t get hung up on not dating bc of the money piece, if you do in fact still want to meet someone.


This, I dated off of OLD apps a ton in my 20s, I think I missed out because very rarely did I really get "wined and dined" Men doing this to women is way overblown on the Internet.


You don’t have to have a reason to be single. If this makes sense to you & will make you happy then stay single. You don’t need anyone else’s opinion or approval. It’s your life, you have to live it no one eise


Exactly! Also, if you do want a relationship, you can also choose to try and find someone where you aren't spending a lot of money, and just end up doing what you enjoy now without spending money. Go for walks, watch TV, cook meals together, etc. Whatever it is, even if you're dating, you can choose to not spend money and try and maybe find someone who's in a similar position or has a similar mentality.


Yeah dating is expensive. I was talking about that with 1 guy I was dating & he said to me that he excepts to spend $100 everytime he takes me out. I told him that I could pay for dates & we don’t always have to go out, like you said bc that adds up


“Once in a while” sounds like a red flag.


Omg I don’t remember if I said once in a while…Jesus christ. I edited it so I don’t get people saying that I’m a “red flag” 🙄


I also was not working at the time but still had $…not a lot of people can say or offer that but I’m responsible


You are absolutely. As a woman who loves to be wined and dined, I’m glad there are women like you who are responsible and pay for dates, so we are left with the men who can date when they have their ducks in a row. 💕


Awww thank you!! Exactly♥️


Thank you for servicing those men so we don't have to 💕


I have done the exact same thing. My parents are away travelling a lot so I feel kind of like a house sitter! Got an offer in on a house this week and couldn’t be happier.


I did the same. My last relationship ended about 1.5 years ago. Decided I wanted (I NEEDED)to work on myself and and focus on my life before dating again. One of the best decisions I have made. My mental health has vastly improved with some therepy, and I just paid in full for a practically new 2016 Corolla!! And I could NOT have afforded that going on dates all the time, or in a non-frugel relationship. Sometimes coming up in life is more important than dating. Plus now my odds of success while dating just went up, having a nice newer car! My ex wasent very good with money and tried to live a very... expensive and active life. For example we were going out to eat like 10+ times a week, even tho I prefer to cook all my own meals! Now I havent sat down somewhere to eat in over a year, saving my 1000's! That life is fine for some people, it is just not a lifestyle that I can afford with so many other important expenses. And at my income level, i cant waste money if I want to live comfortably, never be behind on bills, and save for the future/emergencies. There are also partners out there that are frugel and smart financially, just gotta find the right person!


Absolutely! Wishing you good luck on getting that house :)


I think it's a great idea. Usually people would just pass you up due to lack of finances


Now they are going to pass him up because he is 32 and living at home, "loser" is probably going to the the first word that pops into their mind. With that all said, I also agree it's a great idea. Build your self up and not someone else. Being a "loser" make a lot of people a lot of money and other stuff. Just dating might be mostly off the table for that time.


I don't know if I'd be so quick to write this person off. A lot of it has to do with the larger picture, what are they actively working towards? What evidence is there that this person has motivation in life? Is this person a non-productive couch potato (in this case, I'd say yes, their chances are dimmed severely). If a person has most of their life figured out and this is a temporary setback, I'd say they very well may be fine.


As a man who has lived at home to be able to afford to buy, all the things you mentioned most dates don't care about once they hear you live at home. It's my opinion that you have to strategically show your date that your ambition, outgoing, not lazy, financial responsibility person before telling them you live at home. And even then it's still a 50/50 they will just peace. If you just bring it out in a normal conversation then try to explain it, your basically guaranteed to be dumped. I think it has to due with people having a knee jerk reaction that when you say your living at home way to many people just assume you can't take care of your self or that your a momas boy, and then they catch the ick and lose interest in a split second. And as every guy knows that once your date has the ick, it's over because there is no coming back from that.


I dated someone for a long time that lived at home with his parents. Not ideal but it isn’t always the dealbreaker you think it is.. although to be fair, to me, he was very attractive.


Good on you for being open. However, I think most women will pass on a guy in that situation. Time and again, women survey that a guy's financial and housing situation are some of the top deal breakers. I'd be surprised if OP lands more than 2 first dates in the time they're at home. (Not sure if OP is a guy tho) Having said that, OP I hope you do it. Screw what the world thinks. Save your money and get your peace of mind you need. Spending quality time with parents is invaluable- you never know how long you have with them.


Oh ya, don't get me wrong. It's not like no one are okay with it, some are fine with it and other will probably find the financial responsibility attractive. However that doesn't mean their dating life will be unaffected. OP will feel a massive hit to their dating life.


I dated a guy who lived with his mom. He made it sound like he was building up for a future home while taking care of his mom. I thought that was great. Come to find out, it was the complete opposite. he was completely taken care of by his mom - she cooked and fed him every day. She cleaned the house AND his room, including his laundry. The most awkward moment was when she came to his bed while I was on it to say we would have a great sleep after she cleaned and changed his bed sheets. The guy was almost 30... I tried to ask about how things are going, but he seemed to think a future living with his mom and wife isn't that weird. I ran. Living with parents doesn't make you a loser. Being dependent on your parents and unwilling to change that without seeing how wrong that is, makes you a bad partner.


> Living with parents doesn't make you a loser. Being dependent on your parents and unwilling to change that without seeing how wrong that is, makes you a bad partner. This is correct. Just like how most people are more likely to assume the person living at home is that "mommas boy" you dated in the past. That assumption is what caused the problem, not then actually living at home.


True, I guess I am a bit spooked by the living at home thing after my experience... but considering our economy and how many of us are having to live with roommates, I would prob still give a guy a chance if he was in that situation.


Exactly. Living at home would be a deal breaker. I want a man who supports himself. I know things are expensive but it’s just too old to be mooching off mom and dad.


Similar experience, man was 40 😵‍💫 said he would never move in with me because he can live with his mom for free.


🤢 I don't understand how that sounds appealing to the guy and his mom.. actually, i know a friend of a friend who is in a codependent relationship with his mom. They do everything together and refer to themselves as we like a couple. He's in no rush to get a stable job either. He is actually unable to take care of himself or handle anything he legitimately loses his temper and has tantrums when things don't go his way even if it's out of someone's hands.


There’s a show about this on discovery called I love a mamas boy 🤣 its hilarious to watch but I cannot imagine being the women who date these men


Zero shame. 50% of people my age live with their parents (including me)...... I am 30. This is America


I moved home for a bit in my later 20’s to save up to buy a house. I recently sold that house and took the profits to move 1000 miles away and I’m currently living in an Airbnb while I get settled. Everyone’s life is different. As long as they’re doing something and there’s a goal I don’t judge it.


I'm south Asian and it's very common in our community. I know several high earning professionals in their 30s who live at home. Some are actual medical doctors!


Came here to say this too! Living at home as an adult is extremely normal in so many parts of the world, and is becoming more and more normal in the US. I would not find it to be a deal breaker on its own.


It's funny you used "he" and the OP didn't mention their gender.


my pronouns are he, because ill never be him :(


Lol, na is all good. I also stayed at home to be able to to buy.


Ya, that's I guess an implicit bias that I have on society. Generally speaking, I don't ever hear women asking if moving back home is a bad move in the dating world, so I probably just assumed OP was a man.


I've for sure seem women talk about moving back home and being worried about not being seen as datable.




Hi. Me! I would. Don’t discount us out there :)


>I don't know how many guys would want to date a 30 y.o woman who still lives with her parents haha. I think many guys would. Especially if they are looking for the kind of family where they go out and bring home the bread while the partner stays home and takes care of the kids.




I don’t think so. If you have 4 kids you have every way to move to a place that can handle the burden on your shoulder, you are more independent than your parents, it’s completely different than a single person who is likely not mature enough. Once you have kids, where you live don’t affect your maturity and independence. People assume you are well past the point of being independent, won’t judge you on that, they only worry about whether they want to raise another man’s child.


As a woman, I definitely don't assume guys with kids are mature or independent. 😅


1 kid could be a irresponsible mistake, but 4 kids is a completely different story, most likely a well established family had some unexpected accident happened to the other half. When you date a person has been taking care of 4 kids, the last thing you worry about is how mature that person is, she/he already learnt to be mature to be a leader of 4 people. You rejected because you just don’t want the 4 kids, 0 to do with where he lives


Absolutely, establish yourself first


Honestly, if you're saving for a house, there's almost nothing you can do that's more financially beneficial than sharing a living space with another person. Whether that's family or a room mate or a partner. A partner is a little better as you can share a room.


Only a man would post this haha. Smart move though.


To be fair though, where I live it’s accepted that woman pays for herself on dates so I am kind of in the same boat as OP.


I'm a woman and have taken myself out of the dating pool because I don't show up to dates I can't afford plus I don't want to be viewed as a financial burden to someone else.


You’re self awareness of a situation is a great quality, I, similarly, won’t initiate a relationship if I don’t believe I can offer her the lifestyle she deserves. That being said, I have a provider-like mindset and I have never accepted a woman I’m dating to pay for anything, unless she herself insisted or wanted to. But I go in with the mindset that I will always provide. Gratefully, I earn incredible money, so not many people can make me feel like they are a financial burden. But I have my limitations, if a woman has a hobby they particularly like that is a total money pit, I tend to let her sink her own wealth into it lol 😅. But I got ya covered on everything else 😇


Hello, are you single?


🫗 Damn, you left nothing. Thirsty?


I would think she knows what she wants*. If someone wrote something that summed up what I want in a person, I’d shoot my shot


If all that was needed was his financial status, then my point stands. Thirsty?


This is Reddit not Tindr. It was clearly meant as a joke. Or at least, I thought it was clear.


I am single, but not actively dating. If the right person walks into my life, organically, through work or a hobby and we connect on a spiritual, emotional level and the chemistry is good, I may show interest and try to date. But I’m not on the dating apps, and I’m just focused on growing my business and enjoying life with friends, family, and my child (from a previous marriage)


You mean, you’re not interested in finding love on Reddit!?


Nope, I know…I run the risk of growing old and lonely. Reddit, the last bastion of finding your true love


Are you me? I'm in the same boat. I've been finding myself being more interested in pursuing hobbies and travel than dating lately.


Why only a man?


Because it's widely expected that the man should pay for everything.


Thanks for asking that, I'm quite fed up with the guys should pay cliché and that was like fresh air. Unfortunately is still an expectation for us. I just dismiss any woman with that mindset and have accepted I'll be probably single forever hahahaha


No need to say thanks 😅 There are a lot of women out there who will pay their meals on date.


I'm a female and i'm in the same boat of OP. This situation make me feel very depressed.


probably good idea til your finances get better


Isn't the goal of dating from a financial aspect more or less to double your resources with a successful relationship? Dates are super expensive, yeah, but stuff like real estate is getting pretty hard to afford on your own.


What you have to think about is not setting your expectations too high. And even then you don't get in over your head that a woman wants to be showered financially, low maintenance women are out there, just stay away from gold diggers, and hoochie momma's. Find a well rounded woman who is self reliant, and who is a professional.


I recently dated someone who was staying with his parents post divorce. My biggest issue ended up being that I couldn’t see how he lived. Tho I did go to their house a couple of times it wasn’t reflective of how he as a person would live on his own. I couldn’t see what type of home he would chose for himself, how clean and organized he may be, there was an aspect of truly getting to know someone that was missing. Plus we could only hang out at my place, there was a certain burden on me. On the financial side of things you need to evaluate your budget and savings plan and decide how much, if any you’re willing to invest in dating. Only you can decide if you’re willing to spend an extra six months or whatever at your parents to leave extra money for dating. Considering you are living at home, and a lot of women will pass you up because of that, it’s probably not a wise investment.


Early 30s f and I agree entirely with all of this. Like it or not, unless you're spectacular in a lot of ways, an adult man living at home is not someone I'd want to date. Not because I thought less of them for being someone who would live with their parents (I might do it too if I had the option), but because of all of the stuff you pointed out. It's inconvenient, and unless they wowed me right away I would pick someone who lived alone over someone living with their parents. Even roommates are not ideal and being their parents makes it even weirder.


A house is a good reason to stay at home and stack chips for a bit


Date! You will find someone who has the same values! Living at home doesn’t mean you can’t still go out, treat the other to a nice date, etc. there is someone out there who wants to save $$, but a house, is on the same page as you, etc etc.


I'm amused because I'm putting in effort to *not* be single because I figure I'll only be able to buy a house with a partner and our combined incomes. I'd also, of course, love to have a partner for companionship and all that great stuff. But the desire to have our own place is a factor in my actively putting myself out there.


I am doing the same thing currently but I’m older than you. I don’t even attempt to date or get friendly with the opposite sex anymore. Since having to explain my situation is meh. It’s peaceful this way and I’ll definitely have a house of my own one day. Sometimes it gets lonely. But overall I’m content


You don’t even have to own a house. Just move around and travel. House ties you down. If you are single you have no reason have to save a house. Money saved is the most important thing, you can rent for life in a third world country and live like a king.


It's a good action to remove rent from your monthly budget. But I don't see how it has anything to do with dating. Why was dating expensive for you? Do you go to expensive dinners and take the bill? I live alone and date. But I don't find it to affect my budget. I go to eat outside almost every week anyway, either alone or with company. If you're splitting the bill it shouldn't affect you. Also you can have drinks at home.


factor #1 (time): Usually it takes countless hours of monitoring dating apps to see if you got matches and then respond to said matches, then usually about 1 to 2 weeks of messaging back and fourth to finally set up a date. factor #2 (money): I drive a truck that consumes alot of gas and i live in a very small town meaning most the women I match with on apps live about an hour away, then the date (usually a restaurant), being a man majority of the time you will be paying for everything all this is done for the mere possibility of things going past the first date, statistically majority of first dates don't go past the first date meaning majority of the time you are wasting time and money.


Why do you go to a restaurant on a first date? I Always advise going to a coffee shop. It's easier to leave early should things don't go as expected, yet it's a nice friendly budget set up. As for the time, you can dial the texting down to your rythme. I'm saying this in case you choose to get back to dating. You can also keep your options to date organically open.


I think this is an American and East Europe thing. In other parts of West a woman is typically not expecting the man to pay everything. But it's fine if you prefer this traditional way, but as you said it's money consuming. In your case I think you could be doing some prefiltering before a date. For first meetup do a coffee for example so you don't pay that much. Then do the expensive stuff when the woman has proved to be worth it. Overall do budgeting. You'll for sure save money living with your parents, but it doesn't have to mean totally cutting out dating


Weeks of texting? Yikes man. Women don't even want that. You'll even see them mention it on their profiles. I set up a date on average 2 days of talking but can do same day if I'm in a hurry. The gas part sucks. I'm in the same boat since I live in a small town, I usually have to drive 40 min or so. Time on that really adds up quick. Audio books or podcasts can help you take advantage of that at least. Gas is also no joke unfortunately. So far I've found a couple girls willing to meet me part way, so it's possible. As far as paying, I guess it comes down to the question of do you want to not meet anyone or have the uncomfortable conversation that you prefer to split the check. As much as I believe the check should be split until you two are serious about each other, its best to bring that up in chat before the date. American girls feel entitled to free meals on dates even if you haven't met them. Plus it's a great weeder question as any girl that insists on seeing me as a meal ticket is one I don't want to waste my time or money on. In short, your biggest expense is probably gas and time. Don't count yourself out if you still want to be in the game.


You can date cheaply, I actually prefer that because there’s less pressure on both people. Maybe look into free/inexpensive things you can do locally if you’re concerned about money. In my experience, most women my age don’t like the whole movie/dinner/drinks date, they want something simple and easy (especially after Covid). I’m not interested in dating right now, but those are my preferences.


There are plenty of ways to date frugally. Especially, early on: movies in, home cooked meals, hikes, road trips, walks in the park, bringing your date to friends dinner party, volunteering together for a community event, etc. Personally, I do not think it’s a dealbreaker to say, “I’m enjoying a frugal lifestyle in order to reach my long term goals” That is a desirable quality to have. Money is important, but it certainly isn’t more important than who you are, and your willingness to share your life with someone exactly as it is. You are where you are, and it’s fine. Accept yourself. Others will be more willing to accept you if they see you’re settled, and confident about who you are, and where you’re at. Life is an adventure, and you don’t need every duck in a row in order to find love and companionship - it’s about sharing the journey.


Dating is like paying for admin, no thanks.


This is very reasonable and probably more responsible than most people lol


Dating can be expensive, but from the stories I've heard from the women I've dated you can be a broke stoner and get dates so... YMMV.


I think this is a great microcosm of why us millennials are struggling romantically. We put a high price tag on just being able to even play the game.


I'm south Asian and we have much less cultural taboo about living at home. Saving up to buy our own place is actually a common reason for South Asians in their 30s to still be living with their family. Another common reason is if one's grandparents are also living in the same household and need assistance or caregiving. So, personally, I would be open to dating someone in your position (whether or not he was south Asian).


I have a totally different view of a man living at home to take care of his older family member/ (which I actually find admirable although can be logistically difficult) … versus a man living at home and being taken care of by his parents like a child.


No public transit super small beach town


You are so correct. Going on dates even if a man offers to pay, has cost me so much. Ubers, time I could be more productive, me getting a round and offering next time, me getting my drinks or food because I don’t want him to pay for me so as not to lead him on. Hundreds, and if I calculate the whole year. Thousands. And who has a nice lovely boyfriend? Not me.


I did the same as you, albeit at a slightly younger age. Started saving up for my own place at 28 while living at home and finally got my own apartment at the end of 2021 when I was 32. Although technically I was 31 when I went sale agreed, but it took about 6 months from the time I went sale agreed to actually moving in (got the keys in early September but it took 7 weeks for my bed to arrive so didn't move in until November), so I turned 32 during that time. I didn't want to date while living at home because I was embarrassed and didn't want to always have to be going to the other guy's place if I was dating, as I definitely wouldn't be bringing him home to y'know...do stuff. Started properly dating a few months after I moved into my place and am now happily in a, still relatively new, relationship with a wonderful guy.




Yes I have but again regardless of how cheap the date is ultimately money will have to be spent I would still need to spend money on gas even if we aren’t going somewhere that costs money


For a male - being single for these reasons can possibly make a difference in your finances. For a Female - Staying single might not make a big difference in your finances.


The problem with being single is that you’re alone with no companionship of a woman. Not that you need it but it is a great feeling. You feel like your other half is missing. Being isolated is also a terrible feeling. I’m single after a 7 year relationship. But I’ve been trying to get back with my ex after 3.5 years post breakup this shit is extremy difficult and weighs heavily on me. I understand people change and don’t stay the same but being single indefinitely, and the thought of it scares me to death. Yes you do have to spend money in a relationship. That’s what relationships are about and I realize how much money I too have saved by not being with somebody. But at the same time it’s difficult because you don’t have that love or bonding anymore.


In ur position i would specify it in ur bio so u may still have a shot at dating the right ones


I think it’s totally far to pull back from dating to save to buy a house. But I also wouldn’t discount the possibility of cheap date ideas - going for a walk outside, sitting in the park, a free museum, etc. can all be nice dates.


Personally I'd still be open to dates but don't necessarily seek them. Don't do apps for example but if you meet somebody in your every day life through work, friends , hobbies etc that you connect with ask them out on a date.


I'm kind of doing this too but I'm also a full time single mom. I have zero debt so I have better chances of saving. It may take awhile but it'll happen! I think what you're doing is smart imo. It's become a norm now.


Off the top of my head, I would estimate that between 1/4 and 1/3 of the women I have gone on a first date with over the past 3-4 years have lived with their parents at the time of our date. It is clearly not something that is preventing them from attempting to date. A woman I went on a date with in 2021 explicitly said she had moved back in with her parents in order to save money to buy her own place. I came across her profile a few months ago and it noted that she had bought a condo, so her plan apparently worked.


Stack your coin. Focus on your personal and financial goals. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Because when you are in a position financially to get back in the dating market, you can bring your best self to help foster a healthy relationship. Also, this is the time to learn to be comfortable being single, and I urge you to get good at identifying red flags and being comfortable with not dating someone after identifying those red flags. The worst thing you can do is date someone with red flags because you miss being in a relationship.


Being in a relationship is the best situation financially wise, divorced and dating is the worst.


You just need to find the right woman. One that's cool not having to go out and spend money all the time. Easier did than done though huh.


Honestly if you want to be in a relationship then be on one but go on dates that no involve money and someone your interested in explain your reasoning if there unable to understand then they aren’t good for you. If you want to stay single because that’s what you prefer and don’t want to put yourself out there then do that


You shouldn't have to justify staying single to anyone, no matter what your reasons are.


Make a budget for yourself if you decide to try dating again. I made budget for myself regarding dates / drinks being spent a month. I’m a female and I always offer to pay my share, general the guy takes the offer


Dating isn't really a financial decision where you can make a coldly rational decision. It's a personal one you make because you value the intangible benefit to your life of a relationship and emotional support. I'd say if you value that emotional need you can't be looking at dating through the lens of "yeah, but then I'd have to buy someone dinner..." and if you are, I'd suggest you're perhaps not emotionally invested in dating enough that you should be doing it regardless of how well your finances can absorb it. That said there's an element of personal growth you reach in this too, where you do need to be able to understand what your budget can support and express that clearly in an adult relationship. Dating can be done at any budget if you approach it thoughtfully. If you find yourself quietly spending your way into ruin because you've decided dating has to be $100 dinners and weekend getaways and you don't make the money to support that, it's not necessarily datings fault as much as your own.


Besides just intimacy issues, same for me! I am not in a stable financial situation right now (Some short-term debt to tackle, trying to get to a certain career goal, etc.). I just don't have much money (or even energy) to spend towards dating. I'm lonely too and wish for some companionship at times but I think I'm going to have to put that to the side for now.


I think that’s a good idea too. The energy we often try to put into dating is best directed to personal development.


Right there with you. Im 34 and moved home during the pandemic while working remotely to focus on family, personal growth and saving money to buy a house. Once that’s sorted (hopefully this year) I’ll start to seriously date again


Feeling this way is normal. There is nothing wrong with concentrating on yourself. Become the best version of yourself possible. If you date, keep it casual. Most men don’t reach full potential until mid 40s.


I’m in a similar situation. The last guy I dated made almost double what I did at the time we were dating. Yet he’d borrow money from me often. He had 3 children he was paying support for, and I don’t think he was in the mindset that he no longer had his loaded in-laws as help. I don’t mind if I date someone who makes less than me. Just don’t ask me for money because you can’t figure out how to live at, or below your means. I am currently in the process of moving halfway across the US. So I need to fatten my savings so I can move comfortably and affordably. Dating is in the warming tray as I feel I’d be rude to start then move far away. In conclusion, you have an amazing mindset to stay single to save. But you are just as capable to date and just be upfront that frugality is a must. Healthy boundaries.


this is not so much a reason to stay single, but rather to avoid dating people who don't share your goals and vision of the future, and who expect consistent dates that cost money.


By reading this, I can tell you are a male.


No, it’s a good idea. Build up your finances; it’ll put a strain on a relationship if you feel like said relationship is draining you. The foundation will be shaky from the start. Maybe once you’re at a point where you’ve saved up a good amount, that’ll give you the comfort to start dating. And hey, masturbation is free. (Sorry I had to)


I just broke up with someone I'd been casually dating for about 4 months. He made easily 2x as much as me but was always a split the check kind of person, which I don't think is inherently wrong, but it would have been nice if that wasn't the case. Still, after breaking up with him I've taken a hiatus from dating and I can't believe how much extra money I have, and it's honestly all of the incentive I need to not date at all. It's easily $60 a date in the city where I live, and it adds up so fast. I'm not planning to date any time soon and it's a huge reason why.


If it’s what you want to do it’s definitely fine, but if you do miss being in a relationship, is there a middle ground you’d be open to exploring? Going on dates less frequently , and choosing free or inexpensive outings? It doesn’t have to be all or nothing




Good reason. Its hard and most others expect you to always have $ to do something or go out etc.


36 and back home trying to rebuild my life after an international move. Even if I wanted it, dating is financially out of the question for me at the moment. I live 30 minutes from the nearest hamlet of civilzation, which makes anything aside from work-home-work-home a massive pain, even in a time sense. So I feel you. Do what's best for you!


It's as good a reason to do it if you want to. Now, perhaps some self-reflection is in order. Just think about why dating has to cost money, I don't have an answer, but it's something to think about.


Are you primarily talking about OLD? Because yes, that can start to add up if you get dates there frequently. Sometimes I think about getting off the OLD and just waiting for IRL encounters because those come around less often. I’m also 32M though and get the fomo feeling if I’m not always in pursue mode which I should probably work on. If you are content as you are then more power to you.


Yes this is regarding OLD if I met someone IRL I’d be a lot more open to go on a date but the turnover rate for OLD is so bad I can’t justify using it anymore


for real, it’s probably less than a 10% success rate of having a connection. I’ve thought about doing phone facetime dates first before meeting. Almost like a phone screen before a job interview lol


Situations are temporary. If you've made the call that right now, you'd rather spend your energy reaching certain personal goals for yourself than invest in a relationship, that's perfectly fine. I think sometimes people underestimate the time, effort, and energy it takes to find a suitable partner and then the additonal effort required to maintain a successful relationship. You're priortizing your wants and needs, and that's a good thing! You'll get back out there when you're ready. And who knows, on your way to reaching your goal you may meet someone. That's often how it happens, so I'm told. :)


Or just spend less on dates ..


How about your emotional needs? Do you want kids?


Honestly not really I’d rather me a homeowner than a parent


I can understand this. I agree with the other person who said you have to do what's right for you. However, there are lots of cheap date ideas, so that's an idea.


It's funny because you would only be saying this if you were a man.


OP Hinge has lots and lots of prompts.. **I wonder if you can add something like, Future homeowner, saving for a house, so I'm enjoying the simple things and trying to live frugally.** To me, it's like you want to take dates from a steak house dinner to maybe just doing chipotle, more laid back places. Instead of $30 movie night at cinema, maybe just rent off Amazon. I think you can swing that though. It would be a good experiment to see what kind of women that would bring in compared to what you normally dated. Anyone women who reads that is going to know a man is very egalitarian in their views on spending if they read something like frugal etc. I'd say experiment. You're still probably dating 20s women, in my 20s I wouldn't have thought it weird you lived back home. Especially if you had a plan, 12 months, 18 months, etc. Basically if you told me, I moved back home to save, and START looking for a house around X date.


If you want to be single because financial reasons, but find yourself craving "intimacy" look at getting an escort. Per hour it's cheaper, and less likely to catch something than random hookups. At least if you're smart about it. If you're actually looking for a relationship that changes though.


it sounds to me like you don't know how to date someone without spending money on them. I teach guys in my course how to meet a quality woman and get to know her well on the first date without spending lots of money or ruining it with sex right away. If you need help, contact me.


Same situation here. I live in Italy, where there is a strong economic crisis and job market sucks (low salaries and abuse of internships and other shitty contracts), but my economic instability made me feel insecure about me and my value as a person and in any case I don't think i can build a strong relationship without a solid financial base. I'm a 33F.


You could kill two birds with one stone and just date with the focus on finding a fiscally responsible partner. Having a partner that prioritizes money as much as you do is like a hidden truth in life. If two people independently work towards a same goal it creates an opportunity for actual synergy. To answer your actual question, i feel like sacrificing romantic relationships because of financial reasons makes a lot of sense if their is an actual goal for the finances which you have.


If that works for you, whatever. But you don't need to blow a lot of money on dates. If someone is unhappy you're not "spending enough money", then they aren't there for the right reasons, so consider yourself lucky that they are self-selecting themselves out.


I think you can suggest low-cost dates (and honestly let the guy pay for the first one!) if you want to date but don't want to spend the money. And/or be pickier / phone screen more. The "cost" of staying single should be factored in too if you're really focused on the financial aspect of things. Because unfortunately two-person households are in a much more stable financial position. So while dating might be expensive in the short run it ideally works out better in the long run. That said, you can stay single for whatever reasons you want!


Why do you only go for women that expect you to spend alot of money on them? In my 20s, I dated alot and I frequently dated men that could not pay for me all the time, and we split the cost, we also did not spend alot of money on dates, we exist. Men overlook women who arent like this. Probably because we tend to be less pretty and more boring perhaps.


I've stayed out of the dating pool for just over 5 years mainly over financial reasons. I'm almost at the point where I'm comfortable getting back out there. I expect/hope to finally date again sometime in 2023. It's a very valid reason to not date.


Ultimately you need to do what makes you comfortable and not what you THINK that other people are comfortable with. Obviously there are going to be many at our age that are not going to want to date a person who still lives with there parents, but there will also be some that are doing the same or don't really care. However - if you want to date - you must first add punctuation to your sentences or no one will ever want you.


Dating is expensive. Set a weekly budget that’s realistic and only go out with women that you see high potential in.


I'm pretty broke and I still date. I just do free or super cheap things. I'm also honest that I don't have money so if someone isn't into that, they can bounce.


I worry too about the amount of money I end up spending when dating or in a relationship, but it depends on your priorities. I would rather meet someone and end up having to figure out the financial situation if we end up really hitting it off and maybe progressing into something more, than staying single and saving more money. If you end up in a serious relationship, it may even be a benefit financially as you could possibly end up in a double-income situation and sharing finances.