Going on a date I'm not physically attracted to?
By - andrewditm
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There was one date where I felt meh about meeting her because I was not too impressed with the pictures but it turns out she just was not good at taking flattering photos. In person, she was really hot. In the end she rejected me and not the other way around. Lol.
Go to the date. There is a possibility you may be pleasantly surprised.
Yeah I’m still going on the date. Just don’t know how I feel about the whole looks thing. She looks really cute in her filtered photos but pretty bad in unfiltered ones…hopefully she’s better in person like your story tho
I've heard from a few dates that my profile pics were bad and that I looked way better irl. Not all girls know how to take good pics and how to pose :)
I'd go on the date, meet her in person. Then if you're still not feeling it, just say so! Alternatively maybe she'd be up for being friends?
This is good advice, she may not be very photogenic and looks great in person. I’m generally considered a handsome guy but if I was judged solely on pictures I’d die alone.
Worst case scenario you get a little date practice and make a new friend.
Yeah I’m still going on the date because she seems fun, just don’t know how I feel rn lol
Don't worry about it. Just put it out of your mind and enjoy the company.
Thanks for the help
Still go on the date! I have a friend who everyone thinks is stunning in person but looks like a completely different and less attractive person in photos.
Its okay to not be attracted to someone and its okay to cancel the date if you feel you will not have a connection be added of this
It’s not your fault, she was the one that used all those filters and that’s a bit dishonest. I hate when people use too many filters on profiles
I suppose so. I just feel really shallow because of this
Well let us know how it goes
No need to feel shallow. Everyone has preferences, it’s okay if she just isn’t one of yours.
Thanks for the comfort
I'd still go! Most of my best dates were when I had no expectations, especially looks wise. I've had bad dates too. But I've never had a good date with a goodlooking guy.
Yup, still going. Interesting you never had a good date with good looking men haha
Don’t feel bad! Using pictures with filters to get dates is false advertising !
Yeah you’re right, others have said it too.
Yeah I've felt this before. Obviously - just go on the date and enjoy the evening. If it genuinely feels like your stomach/guts are telling you "don't you do it"/churning - then its probably best to move on.
That's my personal barometer - no girl is actually ugly until I feel it in my gut/I discover her character is whack.
Thanks for the advice man. Did it work out for you when you went on the date?
The main instance I'm thinking of - went well. But I had been in the game long enough to smile through just about anything and keep it moving.
She got really close and I could see how unclean her teeth(like literal stains/plaque very noticeable) /bad her acne really was and I shifted to "I'm looking for something serious and I just didn't feel that spark"
Ah gotcha. Thanks again
After the first kiss you will change your mind
Lol if it happens I hope so
If you don’t feel attracted to her in person, HARD NO. Don’t waste her time. You’re not a douche for not being attracted to her, but if anything you’d be a douche for stringing her along, even inadvertently, after date 1. As a woman, you could be the hottest dude in the room, but I can guarantee you the majority of us with self respect would hate it if you dated us without any baseline attraction to us just because we are “sweet.” We aren’t pity projects and don’t need you to settle for us.
Thanks for the advice. I’ll make a decision after the date.
So lame for people to use filtered photos! What’s the point? As you say you are portraying a false image of yourself and guess what THEY WILL SEE WHAT YOU ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE IRL. So odd to me. I never use filtered photos. Would I like to … yes 😂 but then I’d not be showing my true self. Hopefully there is an attraction when you meet. Good on you for still going.
Haha thank you. We’re going bowling and it’s fun to me, so I’ll at least enjoy the company 😅
It sounds a bit deceptive to me, she's insecure about her appearance, and didn't want to show you the real her
Would you have arranged a date with her if you'd seen the real.photos first?
Honestly…probably not. However, she has a fun and cool personality so I’m unsure of how I feel
What's the ig?
I went out on a date a while ago with someone I wasn’t physically attracted to. She was really cool and has a really great personality. Unfortunately I couldn’t get over the attraction issue, and I told her I thought she was great but I didn’t know if we’d be compatible as a match, but that I’d be open to friendship if she was interested. She agreed, we go out and do things together maybe once or twice a month. Really glad we decided to keep the other one around. Not every match needs to end with dating.
Just go on the date, but just be wary of the reasons why she’s using filters. If people are willing to lie before dates what about during or after dates?
>I'm still going on the date because she's actually a sweet girl and I don't want to cancel just because of looks
This is counter productive though as you are not really interested in going further or even really going. Cancelled may seem like a bad move, but in context is the better option
Cancelling does seem like a better option in the long term. Guess it really comes down to looks or personality right now
It does when you havent met the person yet.
She could have changed phones over the years. There are I'm built filters in the new ones you can't adjust
Go on the date. Pictures are so skewed nowadays it doesn’t tell you anything about them. Meet in person then decide if you want to continue or move on. Everyone would hope to date someone good looking but perhaps she has one of the best personalities that mesh well with you. As you get to know this girl more, maybe you’ll even start to find her attractive.
My tinder date thought I was catfishing him because some of my pics were meh and some looked good so he also wondered if I would look bad in person since the good pics could’ve been filtered. He saw me on our first date and literally said “wow, you look so much better in person” LOL I am aware that I’m not photogenic so I was expecting that sort of comment (I’ve been told by colleagues too). I just said thanks and we started our date and now we’re in a relationship.
With my ex I wasn’t initially attracted to him but we hit it off sooo much like you did, I was hesitant to meet up but I did it anyway and in person we got along so well it was amazing, I still didn’t have that physical attraction and by the third time I did, I personally think someone’s personality can make someone attractive? I would say give it a go, meet them and if there’s no spark then there’s no spark you know? No harm done
Yeah, at worst we can just be friends
i hope it goes well for you!!
Thank you :-)
Go. This situation may actually take the edge off so your won’t feel as nervous. Consider it valuable experience for when you’re looking to impress a showstopper.
Yeah I’m still going because I need experience dating wise
If I were in this situation I'd probably just cancel. I used to feel bad about stuff like this too, but I don't anymore. People need to stop lying just to get dates on these apps. Its weird and in the worst cases, its dangerous. More people should learn to use accurate photos so their match can have an idea of what they're physically getting themselves into.
I’d consider being a bit less focused on how hot she is/isn’t. You’ll find that physically attractive people are really easy to find, but it’s much harder to find someone who’s decent looking AND has a bearable personality. :)
Very true actually, good people are hard to find these days
Cancel the date. You’re losing attraction and haven’t met her in person.
In this specific situation I think you should cancel the date. Look, you need to understand from a women's perspective, when someone ask us on a date we take for granted that the guy is physically attracted to us and if you are not, you would only lead her on.