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NoItsNotMeItsU

A lot of people really


Able-Telephone4541

Looks that way. I don’t feel so alone anymore.


VivaIlSesso

Best decision I’ve made in a long time


[deleted]

[удалено]


JustOussama

Africans breed like 6-8 children per woman It aint helping shit.


[deleted]

I'm getting there, to be honest. It's almost impossible to find a match and when I do find a match, there's always some issues that prevent things from working out.


VivaIlSesso

And if you don’t see any issues, the other person will find them for you lol


[deleted]

Yes exactly. That always happens to me.


VivaIlSesso

Have you considered dating foreign women? There are millions all over the world willing to marry a western man.


[deleted]

I have, actually. My ex wife is Indian. But I also don't want to pay for some site. I did that years ago and got scammed. But I prefer foreign women over American women.


VivaIlSesso

I also prefer foreign women. I’m a huge fan of Arab girls haha Indian girls are cute too!


CarpenAllThemDiems

Same here. Matched with a guy. Had a pretty good time with him for almost two months. Told me on Saturday, two hours before our date that he’s still in love with his ex and that she’ll always be his “primary focus”. Coooooooool… 😭


TheWhiteWalkerSpeaks

>I think I’d rather have friends to do things with at this point. You should always have some friends to do things regardless of whether you are dating someone or not. At least do those things on your own


kh7190

how do you make friends as an adult?


ceresz91

I'm trying to figure that out as well. I suppose meetups and hobbies are the usual suggestions. I've lost and drifted apart from a lot of my friends lately. I only have about 3-4 close friends. Two of them are dating and basically only spend time together. One of them lives hours away, so we only see each other about once a year, and the fourth one is currently in Poland with her boyfriend. I think I've just reached that age where everyone's partnered up, and priorities have shifted, so people don't have much time for their friends. I'd like to make some new friends, but I'm still not sure how to go about it. I enjoy my own company, but spending basically every single weekend alone is getting kind of monotonous.


[deleted]

If you have friends who work as much as you do, for what ever reason: you cant see each other often :( ​ especially since the pan, everyone I know is over worked.


iamalittlepige

Meetup is a good app, especially in bigger cities. Ask work colleagues to do activities together. Join a sports team. Otherwise I'm out of ideas!


Able-Telephone4541

Yea that’s exactly where I’m at


TerminatorReborn

What if all your friends are in relationships?


Able-Telephone4541

Doesn’t mean you can’t do things with them


swoosh892

Hyper-independence is a trauma response / coping mechanism, just sayin. Be wary of what you say vs. what your soul maybe *really feels,* deep down inside. But yeah, I do get the sentiment. There's something to be said for the mental peace of being alone. But at the same time, we can't escape our desire for deep connection and intimacy, can we...? Life's one tricky motherfucker.


hawaiianpizza4thewin

Thank you for this comment. It’s true and it’s not easily identifiable. I did the whole hyper-independence thing when I got tired of people disappointing me and abandoning me. I thought I was better off alone cus then at least no one would hurt me. But what I really wanted/needed was a true long lasting connection and prevented myself from ever getting it by distancing myself from everyone. Oh man, now I’m back to square 1 and decided to give people a chance again. Taking action instead of just sitting around avoiding everyone out of fear.


swoosh892

Yup, I feel you 100%. Life is too short for fear.


BeMySquishy123

Well this is a thought provoking comment. My last relationship was good until he got tired of me not opening up... turns out I don't know how to let people care for me. I'm used to being alone but I'd really like to find a partner someday. Trauma response... wonder which kind of trauma this time.🤔


thaughty

I think it's a good sign that OP has friends they want to do things with. It's always healthier not to have an SO as the only source of connection and intimacy in your life


[deleted]

true that. for me and some of my like minded peers, we notice a lot of people are in hyper dependent/co dependent relationships (of imitated emotional intimacy) with their pet dogs.


MindOfMirth

All.Of.This. I see so much of this "Dating sucks. Be single" rhetoric and not enough "I have deep seed relationship issues". Mind you, both can be true but we are biological designed for intimacy, romantic or otherwise. My fear is that people aren't looking at themselves enough and that's a big reason why dating sucks so much. I'm not trying to shame anyone I am just saying that it seem like there is a lack of personal accountability and responsibility posts on this and other subredits like it.


kh7190

not everyone needs or wants a partner or to get married or have kids. but people should have friends or connections with family


swoosh892

Agreed.


kohl_eyes

Call B.S on this. Over-dependent people are also reacting to trauma. Everything is trauma, trauma, trauma, please stop the armchair psychology. People, just live your lives, alone, together, whatever you feel, & stop being psychoanalyzed by people who want to be medicated & excused for every "feeling". Happy? Here's a pill for that. Sad? Here's a pill for that. Jesus!


swoosh892

I agree, everyone should just do whatever they feel. I'm just saying "what someone feels" can be a tricky thing to identify, things aren't set in stone and our feelings are constantly in flux, and sometimes we might say we're okay with being alone when we'd actually be *happier* to be with someone. If you re-read my comment, I also mentioned "/ coping mechanism" since it doesn't necessarily have to be a trauma response. I'm not trying to pathologize anyone, just mentioning an idea that may or may not be applicable to some of those who end up going "okay fuck it, I'll be alone" because they've had a handful of bad experiences or because they haven't found the right partner yet.


PrettyMuchRonSwanson

It feels so fucking hopeless. Online dating sucks. I have no idea how or where to meet people irl. Plus I'm broken and probably can't connect with anyone anyway.


NelsonMunz

Hi, while I can’t give you proper advice I just wanted to say that I feel the exact same way. I am a lost cause


GlitterSore

Good friends and partners are unicorns.


danoB003

Good friends and partners aren´t fiction, so I gotta disagree.


elixirpassionista

Not fiction but they’re all taken lol


thwgrandpigeon

Friends can't be "taken", since partners tend to be exclusive, but friendships not so much. It's just harder making friends outside of work once a careers started and family's are going. But it's not impossible.


elixirpassionista

Oh yeah sure, I speak in term of partner lol. Friends come and go anyway


danoB003

Thank you! Friendship with someone who already has friends isn´t an obstacle, in fact, it can lead to gaining even more friends!


Miss_Might

Lots of people do this. Lots of older women.


sigillum_diaboli666

🙋🏽‍♀️yep


Miss_Might

I guess the males have finally caught on to the idea. 🤷‍♀️ Nothing wrong with dating but people put it on a pedestal. Their entire self worth hangs on whether or not they're in.a relationship. It's weird. Having a strong social network should be at the top of the list imo.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Miss_Might

Then find new friends that are single. Apparently there's tons of singles around judging by the dating subreddits. Edit: haha you're in Japan too? Where at?


[deleted]

[удалено]


DapperDan1929

It’s hard in northeast USA also.


LordColbyJack

Goddamn yeah it is. Thinking of moving just to help improve my chances sometimes.


kingtj1971

I just moved back to the midwest (where I was born and raised) after spending 8 years or so in the northeast. I relocated there for a job and took our family up there with me. Not only did I see how the dating scene out there was a huge mess ... but as a married guy at the time? I'd say the life out there took a big toll on our marriage. Wound up divorced by the time I moved back. At least in the area we were in? Nothing felt really "natural" because so many people out there weren't natives of the area at all. Most people did what we did and relocated up there for work/job reasons. Lots of people doing contract work and leaving only 2-3 years after buying a house and settling in up there, etc. For it to be affordable, we had to live fairly far out from the bigger cities too. So you spent a lot more time traveling. Simple trip to the grocery store was 45 minutes used up just getting there and back home, etc. It chips away at your quality of life. But yeah, I worked around a lot of younger singles when I was there. And it always seemed like the only ones with "solid" relationships were the ones who met "the one" before graduating college and were still with them.


Miss_Might

Meetup app. There are plenty of things to do to meet people in Tokyo.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Miss_Might

Unfortunately I don't think that's really a thing in Japan. Japanese couples don't really do that. The housewives hate it when their husbands are around haha.


sigillum_diaboli666

>Their entire self worth hangs on whether or not they're in.a relationship My brother got divorced late last year, he’s already in another relationship. He says he’s ready, that there’s no set time to wait before moving on - especially if one’s unhappy for a long time in their marriage. I beg to differ though… But at the end of the day it’s his life…


Miss_Might

Yikes. People who are divorced need time to heal and be alone for awhile. They also need therapy.


EconomyIndependence2

NGL yeah. The free time is great. Sure it's nice to have a partner but damn I can do anything I want and not give a shit lol


owwo

Find a partner where you both value personal time and you can have the best of both worlds.


[deleted]

I’m bout ready to invest in cats and cat supplies. I can’t seem to find anyone within a reasonable drive from me. I don’t do long distance. Not even semi long distance. If I can’t see you in the middle of the week and on the weekend without having to stay the night because of the drive/distance, I’m not doing it.


AverageLoLAddict

If you don't have over 10 cats you're a poser


[deleted]

Lol. Idk if I want to be a true cat lady. 1. There’s the money issue, 2. There’s the issue with keeping up with scooping and cleaning litter boxes. 3. Where would I put 10 litter boxes? It seems to me you need 1 litter box per cat. 2 or 3 would probably be my max maybe 4.


Jaegernaut-

So the same rule applies as when dating. She says a max of 4 cats, you triple it. You'll end up with 12 cats after someone from the 1st thru 4th crew comes home commando preggers and you wake up at 3am to kittens yowling in your shoe closet.


[deleted]

Yeah no. I know my limits with taking care of things. I’m also one of those people that thinks if you can’t afford pet supplies and take care of them that you shouldn’t have them.


devrohitsharma

The thing with cats, they don’t _have_ to use litter boxes. They can use a garden. Easier for them and us.


[deleted]

Where I live, we have coyotes. Most of the people I know that has had indoor/outdoor or completely outdoor has had their cat go missing. Indoor is really the only option where I live. Stupid land developments pushing coyotes into the residential areas.


devrohitsharma

That’s scary. That long distance boyfriend away from coyotes not sounding so bad now.


[deleted]

No. Part of the reason I’m not doing long distance is because I’m not having sex or kissing until marriage and to prevent that, I’m not staying overnight at a man’s house (nor will he at mine) nor will I be at his house or my house with him unchaperoned. Travel accommodations are expensive. The other is because I’m not wasting time dating someone for 4 years only to find out it’s not going to work. I want that figured out in the first 6 months and engaged by the end of the 1st year with pre engagement counseling done before that over the course of several weeks and married by the end of year 2. I also want to see them regularly (at least twice a week in person) so I know how they are around other people, waitstaff, etc and how they handle going through different seasons. You don’t get that over long distance. Besides coyotes are all over the place in the states. You see them in suburbs and rural areas. Not so much in the cities but I’m not interested in the cities. They have their own issues that are worse than coyotes.


devrohitsharma

That’s quite a strict set of rules and timelines you have. Sounds like you’re waiting for Mr Right to come by and play his role without much wiggle room or improvisation in your screenplay.


[deleted]

I only want men who have the same Christian convictions that I do and are serious about marriage and kids. I’m not interested in someone who’s just down to dink around.


devrohitsharma

According to your plan, how long until it’s non-viable?


AltEffFore

I gotta agree with this guy, serious doesn’t mean marriage. It’s really such a narrow and strict requirement of what you think an ideal relationship is, but I can speak for myself and a lot of other guys that we would rather not have a relationship than be rushed into commitment in a potentially bad one. Far too many people get married right away and have their marriages crumble around them in the worst way possible a few years down the line. That doesn’t mean guys like me are “dinking” around, it means we only propose if we are sure the marriage won’t end in a nasty divorce. One year just isn’t long enough to find out that much about someone, especially if you only spend a couple hours a week with them. FWIW, this perspective is coming from someone in a relationship that is the only one I can foresee having in my life. Never dated before, and won’t afterwards, we came together because we both thought that other was the best shot we had at a successful relationship. Five years later, we aren’t married or engaged, and we are each other’s first everything. The only reason I haven’t proposed is that I am still in college. Legally, marriage is a binding of finances and debt. Not gonna marry someone while still tens of thousands in debt, lemme get that to a reasonable amount first, because that’s how seriously I take it.


devrohitsharma

You were one of the lucky ones when you found her :) You’re right, of course. But then again, we have different values and expectations of a successful relationship pre-marriage compared to the OP I was responding to.


[deleted]

I was married once before. The foundational problems in that marriage was a lack of commitment (he believed if things don’t work out we can just get divorced while I believe divorce isn’t an option) and not having all of our values and morals line up where they really matter. Don’t wait til you have everything in order to propose and get married. There’s no perfect time. I can understand waiting till you’re done with school to get married. Idk if you saw in one of my comments but I won’t except a proposal without pre engagement counseling just to make sure we’re on the same page. I would even consider doing pre marital counseling as well just to iron out as much as we can. When you take sex and kissing off the, you remain untethered and glasses cleared so you can get to know someone quicker. The further you go physically, the more clouded your judgment is and the harder it is to leave for the things you do see that are problematic.


Twistbobra

After my only relationship I've had being with a BPD girl who tried to kill herself in front of me nearly a decade ago and getting lead on by someone I was close to twice, I've lost hope


[deleted]

The thing is ending up with someone who has BPD can reveal things about yourself to work on, things that led you to ignore red flags or tolerate abuse for too long. Not victim blaming. I’m on BPDLovedOnes and it’s f***ed up. Bad relationships (all relationships actually) are opportunities to learn things about yourself. I’m curious what you mean by “led on” too. In ambiguous situations it’s best to ask for clarity outright. Being scared of the other person’s response either says something about you or them. Could be another red flag.


Twistbobra

Being constantly told how wonderful you are and then within the same hour being told that you don't care about them and that they're gonna harm themselves because of you is a lot for someone to deal with. Also I totally understand that there were things I could have done better and I've never once dismissed them but they have to want to change or acknowledge themselves as well. I was led on in that she told me she wanted to be with me despite being in a relationship and I let it go the first time since we we're friends for years and I tried to be mature about it only for her to do it the second time. It's a messy and complicated situation and Id rather spare people from a wall of text


Rich-Bowler-6518

Yeah, my sister is 23 and never dated or done anything with a guy. only kissed a guy once. She says she she’s herself being married and maybe having kids in the future but she just doesn’t feel like dealing with dating right now and doesn’t know if she will ever feel like fucking with it. She is like super attractive, smart, has a good job. She just literally doesn’t leave the house bc she doesn’t like people and “doesn’t want to fuck with it”. Oh… editing to add: and I really can’t blame her.


BeachMom2007

Yup. I was interested in someone, turned out I was just his backup plan and haven’t been interested in anyone since. I go on dates sometimes to have a drink and some conversation but that’s it. I get more excited about plans with friends lol


Pickleface32

Once in a while, I'll be like "fuck it I'll go to a bar" and "fuck it I'll talk to that girl." If I'm feeling lonely enough.


Able-Telephone4541

Yea talking and having a good conversation is fine. But any more of that can of worms needs to stay undiscovered


Pickleface32

I'm not going to mention that I'm lonely that's for sure if that's what you mean by can of worms. I'm just saying, just talk.


JenniLyneB

You may want to take a look at your “all or nothing” thinking, if by “that can of worms” you mean that you actively want to avoid a relationship if one naturally develops. Taking a break from actively seeking a relationship to work on the rest of your life and build out your support system is healthy. Shutting yourself off from all possibility of romance due to bitterness is less so.


[deleted]

Looking at stats, yeah, a lot of people. A lot of women are recognising that relationships aren’t worth it especially. Being happy and fulfilled by your own company is a great and healthy way to be tbh


ABCBA_4321

I don’t know. Some people who in my current age range have manage to find a relationship and some of them have recently got engaged and I live in a small Midwestern college town. From my experience it seems like some people in their teens, 20s and 30s are still managing to find love.


[deleted]

Of course some are, I didn’t say *nobody* is dating lol


Far-Hovercraft899

I agree with you totally, but you can't tell me that deep down you wish you could meet your Best Friend. Someone who makes you want to be a better person and someone you make better in return. A best friend to joke around with. As you can tell I used to be a guy who actually believed that Love existed. After a few relationships (especially the last one crushed me). The last one was my best friend and Common law partner. Life blows sometimes especially when your buddies are out with their GF. I definitely feel you.


ThrynWillow

I’m not dating right now and very content (49f). However my life is busy with buying a house. When that is completed I might jump back into the dating pool. To be honest I’m excited because I know there are really good, compatible people out there. The only problem is half of them are married, and 70% of them are UNhappily married. So they’re out. It reduces the dating pool significantly because another red flag is that many men are very angry and just done with everything. I can relate. Also I live in conservative central, and I’m very progressive. Anyway, we’ll see. Thanks for reading and good luck dating!


OSRS_Socks

I am about to buy a house and get 3 labs (1 of each color and all males) and name them Moe, Larry and Curly.


_pm_me_your_holes_

Wait till you get Barney, Lenny, Carl and Homer too.


LibertineDeSade

No. And probably because I'm not big on online dating, and don't spend a ton of time on SM. It seems like 99% of the posts and comments here have to do with dating and meeting people virtually. I'm sorry but it is much, much harder to make a connection with someone through a screen than it is organically. It's all so mechnical/robotic and hardly anyone is finding what they are looking for. The solution is staring you all in the face.


ABCBA_4321

Honestly, this sub seems to be in a mixed bag with r/foreveralone. I’m now starting to wonder if most of these users in this trend have tried different ways on how to meet people in real life or just never even tired.


OpportunitySure9578

Oh yes. Wasting even one hour of my time with someone I know will not be long term is very painful to me and being alone is not so bad. I refuse to just settle, would rather be alone all my life than settle.


Tacosssssssssss

Yes, every time I see a post of a guy saying: “I did an experiment, made a fake account and got x amount of matches which showed that hot guys blah blah blah” it makes me want to NOT try online dating. Okay you’re lying to make a point and ironically you’re wasting another person’s time like you don’t want yours to be wasted. I really don’t have the energy to figure out if someone is real or lying…


AVeryTracableGuy

I have to be in a relationship first and experience what can make a person feel this way, than we'll see if i get to your point or not.


Megafire777

I'm content with being alone, would love to have someone. But reality wise. I'm good


HoangSolo

We’re right there with ya man. The amount of toxic relationships or people in an unhappy relationship is pretty high. I’m always open for a relationship that is actually wholesome but I haven’t had much luck in the last 6ish years. And id rather die alone than go through something toxic again.


myoceaneyes1887

Happiness is a choice no matter who you are with or if ur alone. Try traveling. I love that i don't have to worry and wait on someone. I set goals of places to go on a budget. See new places, learn new culture. Then i come back not thinking of the overrated dating and relationships that just gives headaches and heartaches. If one day, he'll come... then I'll still be here, if not, at least i was able to do things i like already. Doesn't have to be with someone. Just be open to meeting new friends when u travel. Who knows.


laziest-coder-ever

Need a travel partner? Lol


Swimmergirl9

yup. I've struggled to keep friends my entire life due to the fact that I get seasonal depression and anxiety, and when the depression is at its worst, I retract away from life. I always knew this was my own flaw, but after making friend after friend that I bent over backwards for and would die for and realizing that not one of them bothered to check in on me once I was going through stuff, I sort of just put everything into God's hands. I believe God has a plan, and He gives us periods of solitude for us to learn. If God is growing me in my solitude, I would rather be alone than surrounded by a hundred friends.


Wonderful_Storm_2708

I'm past this point. People are cold and don't realize how they hurt others. I keep going to see this guy I've really liked for a yr, despite my gut telling me not to. He invites, falls asleep before I get there, teasing about guy slept with 20 yrs ago, says he wants to take me to breakfast, but never does. And acts put out when I ask him to take me home, which was agreed the night before, he just doesn't remember..oh, and helps himself to my phone, looking through all my text, recent calls and contacts, then questions me about them. I'm DONE!


aMillhouse

Before me and my ex split up about a year ago. I used to joke that “ she would be leaving me at a peak desirable state in my life. 28 years old, over weight, 12 cats, balding , borderline alcoholic.” Although it was sarcasm. I didn’t realize exactly how big of a red flag it is for a single man to have 12 cats. Almost all of my matches ghost me after they ask how many cats I have. Never care to ask why or how I ended up with 12 cats.


JeanneMPod

I'd assume you're doing rescue work and/or have your home configured for permanent adoption of so many. That's commendable. However, if I came to your place and was hit in the face with an ammonia smell- I would be put off because you're not keeping up with their needs and the sanitation level that goes with having that many, and possibly your senses have become numb to it. If all parts of the home are thick in cat fur, lots of oops on the carpets, dried out wet food dishes scattered everywhere, litter grit on/in the bed, just no.


rebelwildheart

I'm 26 and halfway approaching to my 30s and I think I'll already accept it if that's what the universe intended to give me. So all I do now is travelling and seeking adventures bc life is too short to think about who's your soul mate. If someone's gonna come to me then they'll come.


A7XfoREVer15

Yep. I haven’t shut out the potential of pursuing a relationship, but I’m not actively looking anymore. 1. Cost of living has gone wayyy up. I’m already stressing about finances, I don’t need any additional stress. 2. My last girlfriend cheated on me. It really stung me since I really liked her and for a while I felt like I wasn’t enough. It kinda shattered my confidence for a while. 3. Dating apps suck. I feel as though they’re designed to keep you on there instead of help you find someone. Swiping without getting matches kinda crushes your confidence. But I sorta had to realize that there’s sooooooo many other dudes on there. I might not be someone’s type, I might not be expressing myself the best in my profile or know how to, or I might just never pop up on somebody profile. Plus that stuff is like Amazon. It’s so impersonal. You’re basically “shopping” for your significant other. If you get to pick and choose, why not choose the absolute best, most looking? And that’s not me. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just not flawless. I’m an average dude. I’m not cut out for online dating.


Able-Telephone4541

I agree on all this


iDislikeSn0w

Yeah, 21M here soon-to-be 22. Dating for me has been a hellscape of getting ghosted, crazies and liars. The juice really isn't worth the squeeze in this day and age: I'm better off investing that time into college, working on my businesses, friends & family and hopefully a cat someday. Really don't feel like I don't know what I want's or playing therapist anymore.


apollo412c

We must be the same fucking person.


iDislikeSn0w

The world is a small place 🤣 I mean - sure I’m open to a partner, but I’m just no longer chasing or playing the dating game. So exhausting.


apollo412c

Me too. I’m not an ATM and people seem to only be searching for that


Immediate_Ad4579

Me... I'm at that point!..... it's like for what?.... it's not worth the trouble.. not worth putting up with anyone's shit... any of it...


Able-Telephone4541

Yes exactly I’d rather be with people I have things in common with to do those things and see ya next time


Immediate_Ad4579

For sure... and not have to deal with sensitivities... uncertainties... miscommunication... lies.. manipulation... you just do what you want.. when you want... how you want.. and somehow its all cheaper too.


TheMorningJoe

Same, not like I have a choice lol


dessert77

Yes I’m right there with you. I’m my own best partner at this point. I don’t play games with myself. I play with myself as much as I want a partner to. It’s a win win situation. I can’t stomach another stupid conversation or look at anymore ugly profiles I hangout with my friends. Many of whom are in relationships but my company seems more exciting to them


PowerTrip55

I guess I never saw the two to be mutually exclusive?


[deleted]

Been there for the last two years, but did go on a date last year. Nothing came of it, but I’m thinking I’m better off alone.


ragingbull835

Been at that point for a while.


modest-violet

I know a few people that were actually able to achieve more by not having friends. They were able to focus and achieve their own goals without the distraction of social commitments


Both_Squirrel5661

Yeah, I’m at this point. I’ve been talking to a guy and now he’s starting to ghost me. And all the other guys I’ve tried talking to only want sex and I’m just completely over it at this point.


kaitlinkardashwest

girl, same. 😩 I’m done being looked at just for sex. so much bs in the dating pool


Both_Squirrel5661

right! even if i tell them i’m looking for something serious and not just sex, they’ll go along with it for a bit before they just stop talking to me. very frustrating


kaitlinkardashwest

omgggg those are the worst. at least be upfront and don’t waste my time. I thought I was alone on literally not being able to find anyone looking for something serious and who just wants to play games like we’re in kindergarten 🙄


ZeroNightmare199

Been that way for longer than I want to admit.


papafoxtrotNOG

Yeah, here I am. After 5 years, I know that I should tell her politely to f*ck off 🤷‍♂️ rather alone than handling this shitty relationship anymore


[deleted]

Yep! Just hard deleted my dating apps this morning. Sooooo fucking over it.


JeanneMPod

I'm picky and peculiar, not winning odds of a long term match on the dating scene. Uh, no...not going to lessen what I want, because having someone at any cost isn't my goal. I'm not trying to meet a childbearing deadline (which I do respect in other women, it's a real issue) but those days are permanently behind me as I aged out of them, and frankly feel mostly relieved about that. If I come across the right person who equally enjoys my company, that's great. I'm not trying to get a ton of matches but screen to what I like and allow my qualities to be screened in or out of other people's preferences. I welcome being screened out-it saves me and the other person time. I'm not invested to have hurt feelings. Hurt feelings are a risk with someone that one has already made a mutual significant bond, but I'm not at that. People become more insular and rigid as they get older about socializing. I welcome coffee or snack dates just to see a new face and talk I may have a nice vibe with. I wish I could have made or stayed friends with some of the matches that ultimately weren't viable for a romantic/sexual relationship, but I haven't found those who wanted to do that. It's usually been all the way or nothing. Also, if I like someone as a friend, but not really sure how I feel on the boyfriend potential, I feel uncomfortable if they're putting pressure or accelerating me to declare I'm into them that way or not. I'll usually end contact if I feel I'm being pushed. I'd just like to get out more with men and women for friendship. I'd like find the right partner----if they are out there. I don't want to force someone into that box if it's not a good fit, nor shove myself into one to fit what they want. It's possible there isn't a match. I'm ok with that, but I'd like to find more friends in my area regardless.


ladnadelrey

Yeah, same!


prolific1997

For a guy, we have to send out tons of messages to get a response, then dedicate many hours days and weeks to convince a girl to like us, then plan a date with a high chance of her flaking or coming up with excuses why it won't work. Sorry don't feel like a lot of guys think this is worth it anymore. Very high effort for low roi.


Micro_Mouse_

The whole world is making its way toward fuck it I’ll be alone because the effects of OLD and social media 90% of men on OLD feel chewed up and disposable 90% of women suffer from FOMO and end up passing on guys that would have been great matches before OLD because the seemingly infinite supply of men


p_i_z_z_a_h

This is just wildly untrue.


Algok2001

At this point, a fwb is better than a relationship.


dickpicforsale

Yes but after a while i went on bumble and met an awesome girl! So never give up. Just take a pause from dating...


ThrynWillow

LOL! This from the person with “dickpicforsale” 😜


dickpicforsale

Just because I sell dick pics doesn't mean I don't want love. 🤪


ThrynWillow

Fair point 😆


Montecatini

Screaming towards it faster than I thought


Aeia21

Nah. For the first time in forever I have hope for the future.


AppointmentNo8032

I’m just waiting for one of those pleasure bots to come out I keep hearing about


beavis_v3

You can have friends and date others. Not mutually exclusive.


zhateme

I’m at the point of fuck it, I’m doing whatever I want and I don’t care what you think because people going to judge anyway. While respecting boundaries ofcourse. If it hits it hits if not there more people


xtzferocity

I have a small sliver of hope. But once I get my dog this fall it's all over that dog will become my life.


[deleted]

Relationships are better than just having friends and eventually you will get lonely. With that said its okay to take some time out for a bit.


DapperDan1929

Yes


Justpeachy1786

These things are not mutually exclusive. Once I got friends, I was really able to get picky about who I dated bc I wasn’t lonely or desperate and found someone.


adeegilnr

🖐️it's hard finding someone who's genuine and online dating sucks.


Accomplished_Ad_2569

Heavy on the “just rather have friends to do something with”, it’s just been too many encounters whether I’m either being ghosted or it just doesn’t go anywhere.


Auditorygarbage-

Yeah I've been at that point for a while.


headtotoney

Nah.


Tiggaknock

I've been on this kick for over a year now and it's great. As a guy I save money, time, energy and I think I'm all around mentally healthier. I haven't been on an app in a long time. Hearing what my friends go thru and reading posts here, I know it's been the best decision.


molokomilkmaiden

I literally say daily, I'd rather be alone than be surrounded by people I cannot trust. It gets easier with time.


JackedBrew906

If you’re starting to feel this way, you’re letting your own willpower become antagonized by someone or people who are not even worth your time, my friend. My best suggestion to you - learn to rest, but do not quit. We’ve all been there. So please keep your head up. Best Regards, “He who is sure of his victory will not start a conflict.” - Chinese Proverb And “An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet.” - Chinese Proverb


Pezzeftw

very much so. I have my family i have my friends and i'm happy. Dating nowadays is exhausting.


LeatherSmithy

100% right there with you.


[deleted]

I gave up awhile back and actually just organically met someone from a local running group. It’s only a few days old so I’m not putting that much thought into it but I do hope I never have to sign up for another dating app.


Naultmel

This is exactly where I am right now. Don't want to find someone, feeling okay with being alone.


rubyrotten

dude, me 🙋🏻‍♀️


ladnadelrey

I wish to find someone I truly click it, but finding that person seems just way too difficult. Dating is annoying and therefor it's easier to think I'd rather be alone forever.


AuremYT

I’m going to be blunt here. I went to a festival with 2 people. Came back with one person. The other person left behind was being irresponsible with drugs and not letting help come to him. From my experience, friends are important only if they are the right friends. You can be alone but intimacy wise. At the festivals I realized I could not suppress my anxiety or feelings but with a friend I could. I did not to do a hook up like other people were doing, hence I need emotional connections and sex is doesn’t replace intimacy. I could suppress my personality but not be myself. Being alone or with friends, while trying different environments with people is the only way to find yourself and your wants. I know.


LionandConnie

Yup I'm so done with it, I never really wanted to in the first place and I've never really enjoyed other people's company, I prefer to do things by myself


ghettoccult_nerd

im definitely there. but i have a cycle. i date for a few months, and if i dont find anyone worthwhile, i just work on myself. work on a skill, try a new hobby, tackle some big fuckoff project ive been putting off. sometimes you just need a breather and a reframe.


Imconfident1001

I am ,all of my life i had been co - deependent i really now want to give more energy to invest in me for a while than in other people or in date generally


sharkeylove16

Been there for the last 2yrs I don’t need a relationship of any kind. Accept my friends. I’ve been screwed over to many times.


cc30svitch

I think I’m there, just coming close to accepting it. I have become the person I wanted to be with. The mental/physical anguish that comes from being cheated on and lied to is too much to repeat. I value my mental stability more than running the risk of a relationship setting me back in my progress.


GrumpyOctopus88

Not a bad place to be. Don't lower your standards just to avoid being alone. Stick to it!


kh7190

I literally just want a friend and then if we dig each other sexually then let it go forward but I really JUST WANT a friend. if they can't be good friend material than nothing else matters


Dearly_beloved_1078

Absolutely. I'm alone and off social media (does this count?) and I've never been happier! Keep on rocking!


sweadle

Of course friends are better than going on dates. And everyone should be fine being alone. People should have full and active social lives, enjoy being alone, and also open to going on a date now and then just to see if it happens to be a good fit. Dating is not a solution to friendlessness, or loneliness.


Cryptosyde

Pretty much. Too many people wanting to just sleep around. Since many of these ""viruses are mrna modified outbreaks" are showing to be securely transmissble I'll just do me and keep my legs closed


girusatuku

Having friends is not mutually exclusive with being in a relationship. You should have them anyways. That being said, I could never suffer to live life the rest of my life romantically alone, even with friends. I'm offing myself at thirty if I am still single by then. If you are able to survive alone then good for you at least.


Scared-Move-988

Yeah when i told they guy i was dating today the things i wanted, safety someone to laugh with and be safe and secure. His response to a womans most basic needs are:; couldnt you get that from a warm blanket and a cat? 🤦🏻‍♀️ so im going to go get myself those items.


racqwithme

Yes. Yes. I also don’t wanna live with another man ever again. Lol. I like being in my own space. I like living alone.


Forward-Bicycle2895

Me!! Me! Me!!


[deleted]

I agree, Its just confusing. Started to see someone and you both want the same thing? Ghosted.


asikscofield

Thats me.. Literally no one in life.. No matter how much effort I give how much emotions I put things not working out for me.. Nothing hurts worst then being hopeless.


Longjumping-Team1960

Oh man I’m so close to it but also I don’t want to end up alone . Fuck


p_yth

My new plan is to get rich and find me a gold digger


Able-Telephone4541

Sugar daddy/mommy


Mulder_look

Yup.


RayBrightStar

I am there. Just never met anyone who wanted to be serious. So I just focusing on my crafting, some traveling, and just enjoying my life. I try to tell people in their 20's that it will happen or it wont. Just enjoy your life. I wish others would of said that to me when I was younger. I got " oh your trying too hard, you must be picky, your not trying enough, maybe show a bit more chest, you need to sleep with all of them, oh your young you have plenty of time....." So don't lie. Your not guaranteed to find someone. It is very hit or miss. That love you think is out their is very rare to find. Why so many people settle. I wont settle. I have to like him first and love him because love comes and goes but if you really like the person. At times you will feel that loving feeling for them and other times you like to slap them but you still like them...so you wont. So now I just live my life and if I meet him by accident great but I am tired of putting myself out there over and over again and getting rejected. I think I been rejected now, more than I have been doing the rejecting. I try to be pretty understanding and give other time but I do have a point where I am like this wont work and you/ I are not right for each other. I also have talked to so many men and woman over the years who have been unhappy. I find myself saying " why be in a relationship if someone makes you feel horrible about yourself every single day of the very short amount of time you have in this world?" Be around people who will help you grow as a person and bring positive stuff to your life. I have some good friends and hope to make more friends in the future. I don't have time for drama and people just being stupid.


Dawson-1999

Fuck that! I hate being alone! I need someone and want someone. I may just never have anyone.


Weekly-Pen-5835

I have given up - I reached my limit with dating and I just genuinely don’t care if I find romantic love or a relationship anymore. I don’t find value in it and I don’t believe it’s a worthwhile pursuit