T O P

This gif hurts me

This gif hurts me

MedicatedAxeBot

Dank[.](https://i.imgur.com/3bQtuMO.png)


sleeplessgrimli

4cm in, sided towards the belly and size and shaped a bit like a walnut. Gl boys


Zealousideal_Ad8934

I don’t know metric. How many football fields is that?


ShaKeyJ101

0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001


Raks_12

×10^-68.89


killmebby-92

thats what she likes


i_simp4U

Oof


handheair

It's like 69 but you owe her .11


hot-streak24

Good bot


Silver_kitty

0.00036 1 football field = 120 yd (including end zones) = 109.728 m = 10972.8 cm, 4 cm / 10972.8 cm = 3.6E-4


Melissa_Ford

I think that’s a few 0s too much


Timestatic

How much is that in Burger lengths


sleeplessgrimli

One asian dick, if that helps /s


spideybiggestfan

bold of you to assume that I can reach it with mine


Pwnxor

Just go find an asian one and use that.


keefeitup

bold of you to assume he can reach it with mine.


ahsanashfaq2809

That's why I always use the morgue, more variety


Vieg

Less than half a yard


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Nesfan888

Ah shit we have the CEO of Sex here in the comments


Chispy

Everyone act normal


ahsanashfaq2809

\*Doesn't act normal


ControversiallySorte

But that's normal for you.


LancerTheGrand

yikes


cis-het-mail

*ziiiiiiiiip*


sleeplessgrimli

Nah just asked a friend.... cuz im a true redditor


chrisl182

Ok, I've found it, now what do I do with it? Quick response please I think she is waking up.


Kroxitrock

Try to tear it open for the walnut


sjarvis21

slap it like a howtobasic video


gregthegamer4646

Add eggs


Terrible_Truth

Click it and the b-hole to take a screenshot.


Dacia1320S

Violently shake like you have a seizure. If lucky she orgasms and maybe forgives you, if not you have an excuse for the police.


ahsanashfaq2809

But... they're not supposed to wake up at the morgue


chrisl182

And it's my first day.


[deleted]

It's not in the same place for every woman, though. The G-spot is where the clitoris connects to the vagina. [This article ](https://www.healthline.com/health/g-spot-in-women#What-is-the-G-spot?) Has good information; >Known as the Gräfenberg spot, the G spot was introduced by Dr. Beverly Whipple after she discovered that using a “come here” motion along the inside of the vagina produced a physical response in women. She believed that this region could be the key to women achieving orgasm during sex. However, it’s important to clarify that the G spot isn’t actually a distinct part of your anatomy. In fact, in a 2017 study, researchers attempted to find the G spot only to come up empty-handed. > >Instead of being its own separate spot in your vagina, the G spot is part of your clitoral network. This means that when you’re stimulating the G spot, you’re actually stimulating part of the clitoris, which is much larger than we’re led to believe. Turns out, the pea-sized nub where the inner labia meet is actually only the tip of the clitoris and divides into two “roots” that can be about four inches long. > >Plus, this region can vary from woman to woman which explains why it can often be difficult to locate. However, once it’s stimulated, the G spot can cause female ejaculation (yes, it’s real) and help women reach vaginal orgasm. The easiest way of finding a woman's G spot is to insert two fingers into her vagina and then slowly make a "come hither" motion, curling your fingers so they run along the upper wall of her vagina. Don't go digging around for a walnut. Edit: Let me also take this opportunity to address the other issue in this post. Ladies, gripping his penis tighter doesn't improve things for him in any way. You only need a light grip. You also don't need to stroke from base to tip; that's almost certainly not how he does it when he's masturbating. If he has foreskin and you try to stroke the entire length, retracting the foreskin all the way, when you go back up, it will kind of bunch up instead of smoothly sliding back into place. If this happens, STOP and let him adjust it. If in doubt, just ask him to put his hand over yours and show you exactly what he likes. According to my boyfriend, handjobs are actually fun to receive but 90% lf women just suck at them. Playing with his penis should be fun for both of you. My work here is done.


VictarionReaver

I dont consider myself a bastion of sexual capability but I've never had trouble finding the g spot, nor that it's in a different place on each women. Just go in, feel up like making a 'come over here' motion with the finger and its the rough bit that feels different


rilloroc

If you got these ridiculous manual labor hands like I got, you're gonna wanna use 1 finger.


ImmutableInscrutable

File those calluses, sausage boy


rilloroc

My hands are soft, I take care of them. But they are big


Nappasapa

My pp is only 3cm


Coogibwee

1 out of 3 men are big pp


Sygmus1897

so how is your life with big pp


Coogibwee

Sadly I am other 2 men :(


Coogibwee

Wait a minute, their are 3 men right here.... What if... Maybe.....


LancerTheGrand

😏😏😏


dedasdude

Shaped like a walnut? Lmao The texture change is easiy to tell tho


DrMobius0

> Shaped like a walnut? Lmao This works as valid instructions for finding the g spot, just not on women.


Powerrrrrrrrr

To me it just feels like a rough patch of inner vagina rather than a 3D walnut


CheeseBending

It's what every google answer has said since I first started looking in middle school.


BluePrintsWorkshop

I don't know why it would say walnut. It's just a bumpy patch about 2 inches in on top.


WinderTP

Jokes on you thinking I'll ever have a chance of using this knowledge


iamadi656565

Which google site did you refer?


sleeplessgrimli

None. I asked a friend


LoBsTeRfOrK

None. ~~I asked a friend~~ **Your mom showed me**


DrDisastor

Thats your prostate and my dad silly.


Ori-spirit

bitch what


sleeplessgrimli

Finding the gspot, a quick guide


jesuswantsahug666

How many Roman legions is this?


dee_tee_

0.13 feet for the Americans out there


long-dong-silvers-

But what if you can fit your whole foot in there?


MysticalNarbwhal

Then she's probably experienced enough to tell you where it is, like all vagina-wearers should do. People would have a lot more fun having sex if everyone was immediately transparent about what they like. Ofc that doesn't apply to inexperienced people or people who don't know what they want. And this goes for you penis-wielders too. Tell your bangpal what you like and then ask them.


robowrongcock

For reference, not all women get off to having it stimulated. So don't go jackhammering at it expecting results. As ever, the best way to find out how to please a woman is to ask.


Killian_Gillick

4cm? i was told it was between 5 and 8cm


Forlorn_Cyborg

Ymmv


Popetown

Bitch, mileage? We’re talkin centimeters here.


AshKiama

Bitch mileage? Is that what vaginas are measured in these days?


Levitz

I just realized, isn't this like the exact same as finding a man's prostate through anal?


DeadDream-002

I'm saving your comment


Guardiancomplex

Anyone who can't find the g-spot or clitoris in the age of smartphones has no one to blame but themselves.


Ethicsgradien7

Exactly! what do people think the Torch feature is for!


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Timestatic

_Honey the Augmented Reality Headset stays on during Sex_


LargeMosquito

It makes the person you're having sex with look like Ricardo Milos


Timestatic

Oh damn yeah that’s what I’m talking about


boobers3

Wait... that might actually be a good idea.


dztruthseek

I wish my phone could light a fire (。•́︿•̀。)


BloodRedCobra

Bend the lithium battery. It'll start one. It'll also destroy your phone, but fire will be granted


Special_Even

modern problems require modern solutions


Brannagain

Ah, flashlight for us Yanks 🔦


Ethicsgradien7

This is Reddit... flashlight is to close to fleshlight for comfortable typing.


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DrewSmoothington

"torch" means "flashlight" in the UK


Stimonk

Spelunking has a very different meaning in the 2020s.


lolschrauber

Exactly, just put it in and snap a pic


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AragogTehSpidah

Eeeh... Something to snap a picture with and a picture itself? Why would anyone want to tore apart a picture inside there though, weird...


solvent_causis04

R34 Sam has entered this chat


lambofgun

anyone who cant find the g spot doesnt have functioning nerve endings in their fingers.


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Kill_Frosty

Yes it feels like a small spot of sandpaper


Sea_Criticism_2685

Sandpaper? I always thought of it like the ridges on the roof of your mouth


[deleted]

Do you need to stroke it in a specific way?


Kill_Frosty

Each girl is different but what works for me is envision you have your palm up and are making a sexy “come here” motion by wiggling your index finger slowly towards your palm and then reextend. Works well to use both your hands and tongue. Gently lick her clit and slowly increase in pressure and usually she will indicate where she wants you to be in there (all are different). While making circles with your tongue, you are also rubbing that spot. You can use more than 1 finger depending on what she likes. My current partner like 2 fingers, and I rub that spot while liking the clit. And when she says that feels amazing or I am going to cum, keep the same speed and pressure even if your jaw or arm is about to fall off lol


Kingmudsy

Cannot stress that last part enough: If you don’t have much practical experience in the field, you’re going to be physically and mentally falling to pieces coordinating all those limbs and consistent movements in such a small space. But if you put the petty concerns of your frail, mortal body aside for a moment you’ll be doing her a real solid AND (assuming she’s a reciprocative lover) doing your sex life a real solid. For me, it always feels like the pressure’s off once I’ve gotten her off. It’s not a chore to do it (it’s really just a basic kindness tbh), but once she’s good I feel like I can really start enjoying myself without worrying whether she’s had a good time


FreshCupOfDespresso

>But if you put the petty concerns of your frail, mortal body aside for a moment I'll be using this sentence from now on


Kingmudsy

Works best when used in reference to mundane tasks tbh, the monumental tone really helps me get over the hump of procrastination “Although my mind creaks and my body is more deeply fractured moment by moment, I *will* fold this laundry instead of letting it sit in the hamper for three days!”


Only_Santiago

Yes, you have to wax off wax on daniel-san.


SlumberingParrot

Fuckin hell man.


MakeYouAGif

It feels like the roof of your mouth, no joke


PhoenixQueen_Azula

Now if only my dick could reach the roof of my mouth...


InsignificantIbex

Honestly, even before that: the clitoris you can *see*, or at least the clitoral hood. And it's not as if the vulva were smooth and flat, either, the clitoris protrudes. I don't see how you can *not* find it. Follow the labia minora upwards or go from above the labia majora exactly in the centre downwards along the clitoral hood until in both cases you reach a bump. There you go.


Shivram06

Didn’t understand shit. But sounds cool!


synthetic-dream

But not all vaginas are the same…


Energy_Turtle

They're mostly similar and you can judge how you're doing by the response. Lots of times women will shimmy themselves to where it feels good for them. Read the clues and do what gets the best response. Don't be stubborn in what you're doing and you'll be fine. If it just ain't working out, ask. It sucks to have to ask but it's better than her just thinking you suck at sex and don't care about her feeling good.


quaybored

Srsly. My girls iphone has the biggest clit, e z p z


TheKobraSnake

And then they say "but you still came" like bitch, of course the dog dies if you kick it enough times


McDeeeee27

A thing I remember hearing. You can be completely straight and have another dude jack you off and you WILL cum because the brain and dick aren't connected in that way. This is the main reason for women getting away with raping men, because "they obviously liked it if they were hard". Bro I've gotten hard eating a salad, like that shit is so random Edit: sorry to everyone for taking a while to respond, I made this comment on break and had the finish the last 4 hours of my shift


TheKobraSnake

You don't have to be aroused to get hard, but you can get hard when you're aroused. But, obviously, dudes can't be raped!1!1!


McDeeeee27

Idk man that salad was looking FINE


TheKobraSnake

Some salads just hit different bro, I gotchu


McDeeeee27

I would stab that Caesar salad, if ya know what I mean


TheKobraSnake

oh shit ◉\_◉


AuggieKC

I make my own creamy Italian dressing, if you know what I'm talking about.


TheClinicallyInsane

Mmm hit me with some extra croutons and a get them shitty little olives outta here and we gonna have a good time


[deleted]

Oh god that's terrifying. I'm honestly more scared of being raped by a dude because I'm straight, especially because people always think I'm gay so "nah you obviously liked it" could sound like a believable excuse. ​ Hope this didn't sound homophobic. I'm rape-phobic if anything.


McDeeeee27

Rape is a fucked up thing for anyone. It literally takes the most natural pleasure and makes it traumatic


SeanCautionMurphy

A phobia is an irrational fear of something. Being worried about getting raped is not irrational


Severan500

I guess it depends on how they fear it though. Like yeah, I don't wanna be raped, but I'm a 30yo, well built dude. I don't actively fear it happening. A situation where a woman may fear being attacked, I would be thinking about being attacked just in a purely violent way. Like someone picking a fight or robbing me. But if someone has this crippling fear of it, like it affects their decision making and they find themselves fearing it in irrational contexts, then it's not just a normal fear imo.


giraffeekuku

I don't want to come across as dismissing male victims because I never want to do that. They do the same thing with women rape victims though as well. I was told I must have wanted it..because of the bodies natural system and I was 14. It's just a stupid argument all together because it's what your body naturally does. You don't have a say in it either way.


propofolus

Stealing this phrase


Arturiki

This is funny because in Spanish you can call masturbation "to strangle the goose's neck".


Midgetman96

We say “choke the chicken” in english, cracks me up that there’s pretty much the same saying in Spanish


MambaOut8

In Spanish some people also say "chocarle los 5 al calvo" which would translate as "high fiving the bald guy" Lmao


any_other

What's the difference between pelato and calvo?


MambaOut8

"Pelado" is basically the same thing but with a negative connotation


Levitz

If we want to get technical, "calvo" means bald as in there is no hair at all, "pelado" (which is what I assume you meant) would refer to someone shaved, "Pelar" means "to peel" and it's a parallelism between peeling a fruit or some other vegetable, exposing what is below, and removing one's hair.


any_other

Yeah the t is the Italian spelling.


grendus

In English, some call it "shaking hands with the Pope". It wasn't until I heard that that I realized... yeah, his hat does look kind of like a penis. Not unduly so, not more than anything kinda long and dome shaped, but... yeah, kinda dick-like.


Gnostromo

I just say "lonesome time in the never region"


McCrizzle2207

In Russia we say “strangle the snake” and “kick around the bald one”


ToiletStallStalker

Of course russian sounds the most badass


Phantafan

In German we can say "den Jürgen würgen", meaning to choke the Jürgen (Jürgen being an old fashioned boy name).


[deleted]

I too have a feathered penis


UnionizeYunyun

This video was brought to you by Manscape. Trim your feathery amazon nether jungle with the new Manscaping tool


FirestormCold

Actually made me lol thank you


quaybored

Aw. Don't be sad


cocokoookie

why don’t yall iust fucking communicate


keegenth

We do, but I’ll out right refuse a handjob from my girlfriend because it’s just unpleasant. As a wise man once said You may be a good student, but the grandmaster will always have more knowledge than you


cocokoookie

right, if it doesn’t feel good you just gotta tell her it doesn’t and give some tips to make it work


KakkaKarrot

Realistically, a handjob will always be worse than what a dude can do himself Really nobody wins


Jerking4jesus

This is true but there is always the part where someone else is touching my schlong that definitely adds something to it regardless of their talent level.


harsamya

the same applies to girls honestly


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cocokoookie

i understand , if she can’t take constructive criticism for the sake of both of your pleasure, she’s an asshole


curved_D

That’s why I like this meme. Let’s give them the equal responsibility that they’ve been asking for.


boringcarpets

Hahaha, do you really think there's an open honest discussion where she doesn't take offence? LOL "be honest I promise I won't get mad" 😂🤣 Many men have been there, it's just better to decline/avoid the handy. "My job's the handjob, your job’s the blowjob".


cocokoookie

then she ain’t the one, it’s important that we take criticism and work on it in a relationship, otherwise it will be a pile of toxicity hidden with lies


LokiStang18

Holy fuck this had me in stitches. Thanks OP have a shit life and needed the laugh


Equivalent_Drawing32

For a moment I thought you were telling OP to have a shit life.


LokiStang18

I'm crying from laughter, OP if you're reading this I don't wish you a shit life


ArguTobi

Wish you all the best buddy.


Zistigy

Omg I hope your stitches r ok


idksomethinamazingig

Every dude I’ve given a handjob to has told me to grip harder…


SeeYou_Cowboy

I hate to tell you this, but nobody knows how to give a hand job to the degree that a man can do to himself. IDGAF if you're Sasha Gray, you're batting for 2nd place.


bandito210

Nobody loves me like me


DeadDream-002

Sometimes it takes a man to be the best girl


MateuszCh

GiggUK Arizona?


CelticKnot03

Also, as a gay dude, there really is variety in what men like. I feel like men get thrown into this stereotypical pile that their equipment is simple. There’s still some nuance there. Some guys like it wet or dry, more attention on the shaft or head, tight grip where it’s essentially the skin moving up and down the shaft, others prefer the hand to slide. So take suggestions with a grain of salt. Unless these guys have been giving their bros a hand they don’t know that much more than you. But if they all say you’re too loose than that’s definitely a start.


[deleted]

Actually my ex gave a better handjob than me. The trick is soft hands and a lot of lube.


Infira-Uchiha

Just sounds like you need moisturiser… two birds with one stone and you’ll be as good as your ex


mynameiszack

Well I dont think she's known for her hj's...


TheClinicallyInsane

It's the apology sex for the lame ass hj's she's known for lol


SuperDementio

Then it sounds like you should grip harder. Not sure what to tell you.


idksomethinamazingig

It’s strange, even when I think I’m gripping hard, the dude is still like “grip harder” so I usually at that point just go down on him because I have carpel tunnel


jojivlogs_

only reason he wants you to grip to the point where it hurts you is because he’s masturbating with a deathgrip aka he’s doing it wrong edit: small psa but if youre a woman who “can only cum with a vibrator” you are also doing it wrong


mmmmmmmmmmxmmmmmmmmm

I wonder if there are 2 types of dicks, because I've literally never gotten a handjob by a girl and her not gripping it too hard. I also hate wearing condoms for the same reason, the pressure of the bottom part just hurts. I wonder if it's an evolutionary mechanic, like your brain telling you "pussy doesn't feel this way, I'm being tricked."


Nothing_here_bro

I have only had sex once and I agree, condoms suck but they keep you safe. Honestly I prefer a bj than having sex with a condom


StatisticianLivid555

This is like saying "I tried pants once and they were tight so I just don't use them". You just need to measure your meat and get the right condom size for you.


IllicitBehavior

It's hard to explain. you kinda grip harder on the shaft, but soft on the helmet, but not too much of either. it's like a combo with your hand, but it's ultimately difficult as hell to explain to someone when you've been doing it on your own on auto-pilot for decades. similarly, I don't think my wife or I really enjoys it when I get her off with my hand. It's just better for everyone involved to use your face.


HexanaRegard

I’ve never enjoyed a guy using his fingers either, the pressure is just off. His tongue seems to understand what to do much better


proerafortyseven

It’s a lot easier to apply the right pressure with a tongue


Visible-Dark383

Yeah, its very bad when she is going to give you a handjob but accidentally kill a duck


MetalJohn85

Don't kink shame me


Gilgameshbrah

It ain't called "strangling the goose" for nothing.


stinx2001

She's mashing it


WoTMeme

Yeah, she does that


ninjadog7

I am very aroused. Very good


MALON

Gail the Snail!


definitivelydevilish

Handjob LPT: *use ur mouth*


KellyTheBroker

Guys. Middle finger, go two knuckles deeps, point your finger to the sky. You'll feel ribbed/non smooth skin. Congrats, you've found it. For bonus tips, cut your nails short, actually ask the girl if your on the spot, and listen to her responses to what your doing. The only way you wouldn't find it is through sheer selfishness or laziness, and no one wants a lazy or selfish lover.


shadowmoon001

That's one choked chicken


Nesfan888

If it doesnt make your penis scream, it aint even a handjob


SoggyFlake

Can't find g-spot? Use google maps


Mk4c1627

For anyone wondering, here is how you find the G-spot: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19536271/find-g-spot/ You're welcome.


chandranshu_7

This will never be in use duh!


Summerclaw

"anecdotal evidence and "reliable reports" say that there is indeed a specific area inside the vagina that, when stimulated, may help some vulva-owners reach orgasm." We live in the strangest timeline.


FinaleForge

I first thought this was Crowsworn death screen and then I was confused how a handjob done poorly can kill a man Of course, I wouldn’t know this since I am single


Talinoth

Penises can break. Do with this information what you will.


FinaleForge

i will now make every penis looks like a bent elbow


SandwhichofRage

“Dry half-hearted strokes of the first 1-2 inches of my penis for 30 minutes?” Gosh…sounds tempting…but I think I’ll just go in the bathroom for 30 seconds then binge watch Old TV before I pass out.


painusmcanus

Please stop, you’re mostly just punching my balls.


OneSexyDoge

If a robber broke into my house put a gun to my wife and I's head and said I'll let you live if somebody can give me a tolerable hand job I'd have to do it.


[deleted]

At least she was not squeezing your balls.


TheClinicallyInsane

God and she grabs them with the all the might of Thor and pulls like she's starting a mower for the first time after winter. No thanks


chandranshu_7

The gif is an anime or what?


quaybored

Doesn't bother me, just happy sum1 touchin tha pp


subbie2002

It’s a learning experience


CYBERSson

Looks okay to me