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Hyper_submissions

NTA your mom's fault for not conducting a thorough cock check


perfect_-pitch

Time for durability test *pulls out chainsaw*


Zhouston63

*Hands it back* "your cock will cut"


youaregoingoffline

dude one time I was having sex with my girlfriend and then in the middle she pulled off a skin face mask and it was actually the guy from the forge show and she said “your cock will kill” shit was crazy


Ball_McDonahue

Because American tv, I think the dude says “k.e.a.l” which stands for keep everyone alive, to my next point if my penis were given that title I would be honored.


johnjax90

Forged in Fire!


Hyper_submissions

r/penectomy moment


GiveHerDPS

Yeah I'm not clicking that


slattlife

Good idea, I did and regret it what the fuck


GiveHerDPS

I'm tempted but I'll remain strong


Heyitsj1337

If it helps quell any curiosity, when I checked it out about a week ago the first image I saw was an effeminate looking man holding his own severed cock next to the nub it used to be attached to.


d3f_not_an_alt

oh hell no


n0rdi_

he kinda looked like michael cerda to me


Isbo2000

Don't, just dont


ObanKenobi

No balls


Yellowcarrot3

r/eyebleach moment


VainJokester

Why why why why whyw hey why whywhyehye ahhhhhhhhhhh


ratmaddi3

but will it kieel


Stay-Toasty

But will it keal?


xstormaggedonx

Underrated


Salohacin

Next up on 'the hydraulic press channel'


AzafTazarden

Aren't those done in PE class?


GiveHerDPS

My are done at Sunday school.


-CorrectOpinion-

Have had sex with OP's mom and can confirm she is a cock expert 👍


anti-apostle

It's a decent recomendation to boot. Mom knows what's up. OP: don't waste a good box of condoms. It's not like she offered to show you how to put it on.


postoperativepain

His arms weren't broken


Calamity_Hawk

Fuck off.


Father_Guacamole

Hit close to home or somethin?


Calamity_Hawk

I hate that fuckin story and I hate being reminded of it.


Father_Guacamole

Remember this for when you break your arms and can't get off


Calamity_Hawk

No.


Father_Guacamole

Your loss


CucumberAbject583

before i even read, mine is bigger


MothFucker_69

Based


smoothtaste

Blessed.


BoltaHuaTota

can i have it


Umm_what7754

Hey r/teenagers did you know I have sex with my very really girlfriend and I use condoms because I love the sexy sex very much.


Efecto_Vogel

Is your girlfriend a woman? Do you have lots of sex? Do you have sex with her frequently? Please elaborate so I can beat my meat to this. Thanks in advance.


Umm_what7754

Yes my girlfriend which is not my pillow (I swear she is real not like last time) love to have seggsy seccs all the time .


TablePrinterDoor

No my girlfriend is a man


WarlockJock

Based


Morgan-Meme-Machine

Beating your meat to teens having the seggs?


PECELEBET

Women or r/teenagers, what was the nastiest, sexiest sexy sex sax sexy sex sex you ever did when having sexy sex?


Praise_TheSun2

bro really u should go on there right now and make a really cool and long post detailing every sexual interaction you have ever had, and with precise shot-for-shot detail. Make sure to also include how your a struggling bi, have crippling depression and worst of all your cat died the other day. that would be really funny to me


sancta_lux1

make sure to include a selfie on how you're finally recovering from stage 3 cancer


the_anarchyy

stage infinity cancer


Micronex

diagnosed with DN and it's terminal :(


TinySpeedwagon

What's DN?


jnmtx

deez nutz lmao got em


LordFartSquad9

Lmao imagine if you say that and when people call you a troll, instead of saying deez nuts you say something legitimately serious.


beastmaster64ass

sexy sexy ploc ploc ploc


simpleguynamedpapa

Hey r/teenagers one time me and my girlfriend (we are sexually active and we are sex sometimes) and she was horny and I licked her prostate?


awkarin

wow pure sex


GrandGhostGamer

Please have sex with me also


Ploffers

they dont tell the size because the average r/teenagers user has a shrimp cock


GrunkleCoffee

I mean, they *are* mostly children. Except the ones who aren't and just like to groom them. :|


FabiusPetronius

I’m the second one :)


Real-Soraith

Based


Cobra01_boi

on a tiny dick


Tau_wannabe

Why reddit uses based when seeing clearly bad comments, also based on what? On your tiny little Dick learn how to use words properly you under developed manatee troglodyte.


Real-Soraith

Based? Based on what? In your dick? Please shut the fuck up and use words properly you fuckin troglodyte, do you think God gave us a freedom of speech just to spew random words that have no meaning that doesn't even correllate to the topic of the conversation? Like please you always complain about why no one talks to you or no one expresses their opinions on you because you're always spewing random shit like poggers based cringe and when you try to explain what it is and you just say that it's funny like what? What the fuck is funny about that do you think you'll just become a stand-up comedian that will get a standing ovation just because you said "cum" in the stage? HELL NO YOU FUCKIN IDIOT, so please shut the fuck up and use words properly you dumb bitch


Tau_wannabe

Thanks inforgor 💀


GrunkleCoffee

"OI, IMAGINE WANTIN' TA BE WUNNA THOSE CRINGE BLUE BOIZ!" \- This post made by Da Boiz


Generic_Username_297

>Why reddit uses based when seeing clearly bad comments, Because apparently "random and quirky irony" is funny or something....


[deleted]

[удалено]


NibblingOnHam

Don’t worry, I identify as nor/mal and mentally/stable


Real-Soraith

I identify as your/mom 😎😎😎


NibblingOnHam

In my/bed


the_anarchyy

my went to fuck bedself


NibblingOnHam

Im about to shit yourself


White_carson

sigma


LordVortekan

r/mademesmile


Bl8l

r/mademesmile


veseliigrac111

So 60% of the sub?


Just_Games04

and people who just are there, like me lol


attemptnumber58

What if most of them are pedos in disguise to jerk off to teens?


GrunkleCoffee

That's what the second line was addressing.


infinitude

You mean the ex-mod that was married to a pedophile? Children should **not** be allowed on reddit.


GrunkleCoffee

As an ex-child who registered for everything with a fake DoB, it doesn't matter, they'd be on here whether it was allowed or not lmao.


[deleted]

Ex user here can confirm. Was once a fat tic tac but the moment I left it grew. Still slightly under average due to lingering effects. Don’t try r/teenagers.


Rexamini

LMAO


awkarin

that's insulting to shrimps


toffiie

not true! I don't even have a cock


BigDickEnterprise

They are literal children lol cmon


Spiritual-Fish-9323

Kinda weird to talk about the dick size of children ngl


LiveFkingPool

Why do you know so much about teenagers' cock sizes? *Dials emergency services*


escape_of_da_keets

"This is my favorite brand, too bad it didn't work"


mister_mouse

Underrated comment


ComprehensiveSock

I wish my parents were this understanding and supportive. My mom went though my trash, found a used condom and kicked me out, like wtf? Why were you digging though my trash (that I had already brought out to the bin) Edit: this happened a few years ago me and my mom are on good terms now.


MothFucker_69

That's fucked up. Why would she even be mad about you having a condom. Did she even give you a chance to talk and something? If you need to talk about anything hmu


Default1355

She's probably pissed you didn't use it on her


Sheyren

Time and a place my guy


Bonus_Person

shut up oak


killerz7770

Yeah go be an Oak and split


holnrew

What if you were just trying it to see if you were normal down there Totally not something I ever did


ComprehensiveSock

Well it was most definitely used. And she knew I had a girlfriend at the time. And that we would spend a lot of time in my room "watching movies"


holnrew

Cum


ComprehensiveSock

( ͡ಠ_ಠ)


Hulkhagan

Ya that’s messed up. But I think there’s a balance between digging through your trash for evidence against you, and the fucked up relationship OP has.


santahat2002

The fucked up part is one parent is supporting their child in a healthy way, the other is breaking trust boundaries to shame and neglect theirs for being a human.


justunga

Don't know for you but "this is my favorite brand, it works so great for me" is a little tinny bit way too supportive for me. I don't need to know how you like to get fucked mom.


mattakuu

based


EyemMateo

Saw this in the wild and OMG couldn't imagine that


Lopsided_Panda_8870

Beceause it didnt happend


MuGenn36

I hope


Mranalrape

of course it didnt happen, nothing ever happens ever.


thrwy2234

Condoms aren’t even sorted by size, so that entire part of the story doesn’t check out.


historicc_laundromat

Idk this story is pretty believable by internet standards.


mavric1298

Minus the fact they don’t come in “sizes” (sure there is one box that is “extra large” but it’s a one off variety box), skyn condoms are all non-latex, and the are all lubricated.


WanderingKitten_

lmao and so many people believe it ive viewed the sub once and it was a hell hole


69naruto

So you browsed r/teenagers?


EyemMateo

It showed up in my feed because I am in the sub bc I'm a teenager


holnrew

Why are you teenager that's cringe stop being a teenager


EyemMateo

I'm sorry that I'm so sus amogus I can't help my age :(


69naruto

How does reddit know you're a teenager?


Pasta-propaganda

4chan 2


Jasper_Rose_808

r/teenagers please never change. My favorite mine of sweet, god tier cringe.


CSsharpGO

Teenagers: producing high quality cringe since the 2000s. (Not child labor I swear)


DiaH0nkers

“I wonder what’s on there” *Clicks on the subreddit* *Literally the first post*: “I got to feel tits on my face today”


ddespot_697

this post showed up right below the og


Culteredpman25

good pasta but unitonically feel for the guy.


Default1355

Unionically


RunkDolt

Ionic compounds?


breezyxkillerx

As someone that does the sexy sex I can relate to the sex problem of this guy.


Camdaddy143

My Parents definitely bought me some, and it was unannounced. I didn't have the heart to tell them I was still a virgin.


c_c_combobreak

omg I'm so sorry for you


Camdaddy143

Oh, that was almost 20 years ago. All good in that department now.


JacobLuck

Skyn makes great condoms tho 👍


Quetzalteka

She made a fine choice for him!


jcdoe

They sure do. I have had condoms break on me, but never Skyn brand. Also, they’re non-latex, so if it turns out your date has a latex allergy, you don’t need to interrupt the activities to run to a drug store.


JacobLuck

Yes and I feel like the male part feels a lot more than with regular condoms, also they have a great size


Cat_fucker420

What a good mom


adis11112002

How to render your kid asexual in 10 minutes TUTORIAL 2021


cw826

r/teenagers will make you regrow your virginity if you linger too long


CSsharpGO

I mean, it *is* a subreddit.


kingofthelol

Just by being on reddit, you can quadruple your virginity in just a month.


Default1355

So that explains the top comments on this thread


GoldenJumper_04

wdym regrow


cw826

Getting a second virginity is also a possibility


Lessedrone

I mean if it’s true it’s pretty wholesome, i get that it’s can be cringe on the moment but it shows he has good relationships with his mom and that he can openly talks about these kind of things, a lot of people would wish to have these kinds of relationship with their parents


sneradicus

Well if you won’t fuck your mom, I will


MN_Hotdish

I just left an open box in the medicine cabinet so my son could "steal" them. I replenished it regularly.


hentai-senpa1

The real hero among us


Ishmaelbarajas

Hahah the comment mine is bigger


Horror-Astronomer482

Ok unironically tho, skyn are best condoms you can find in most stores. There are better but skyn are fucking great.


Bright-vines

Yes, this is embarrassing. But please be Glad that your mother is sex positive and doesn't shame or guilt you or try to enforce abstinence. My bf told me a story of his first time having sex, and the condom broke. He was able (while embarrassed) to go as his mom for advice, they got the morning after pill, it was fine.. but my father didn't attend my sister's wedding because she wasn't marrying a Christian and they had sex before marage.. My point being, while being embarrassing, please appreciate your support.


Hulkhagan

What a disturbing relationship you have with your mother. Also, how old are you that you thought she wouldn’t notice a box of condoms in her shopping cart?? You learn at like 5 years old that that trick never works. Weird as shit on so many levels.


AnnaTheBabe

Comedy gold


RealOzome

r/thathappened


mavric1298

Anyone who thinks you have to select your size condom…clearly has never bought condoms.


xSiNNx

*WHAT BRO?! I CAN ONLY BUY MAGNUMS BECAUSE NOTHING ELSE FITS MY MASSIVE DONG PIECE!*


DyerOfSouls

Tell me you don't like my girlfriend without telling me that you don't like my girlfriend?


nanowyvern

YTA. You didn't show us you having sex with your girlfriend


BurtonRider77

Your mom bought condoms for you to have sex with your girlfriend in her house and you complained. If Mom wants to make it awkward with the “at least they are being safe” turn the tables on her. If you need help thinking of uncomfortable questions to ask her, just say the word.


lnfIation

r/teenagers is a mess


KingofSlice

"it works so great for me" says the mom describing a condom brand to her son


xx_necromancer_xx

NTA her child her rules


TheRealBrady69

Conservative parents should really start adopting this strategy if they don't want their kids having sex.


shrimp-and-potatoes

It's her favorite brand because it is the cause of your birth


SHIT_POSTING_LOL

Why would your "gf" have to remind you you need condoms? She goes to a different school right? Probably wouldn't know her?


Lithium43

OP's mom is based


laughingfuzz1138

That kind works for her? Sounds like mom's just being a bro. Taking care of her son's girlfriend, making her son look like a stud in the process. That's a good mom.


vanilla1266_2

if this is true I applaud the open relationship. many kids I know have parents who would kick them out for even knowing what a sex is.


CummyBot9999

[nut nut shit fuck](https://paste.ee/p/ffk3E)


secretanoyomous

**(Verse 1)** He was at the top but you are at the bottom, All the bots were good until you went and shot 'em, Everybody liked the modified pastas, But then you fucking ruined it, you fake cummy bastard. ​ **(Verse 2)** Cum shit nut sex fuck fuck nut nut, Try saying something else you stupid fucking nut, You leave a link under every single god damn post, But you are a liar, an impostor at the very god damn most. ​ **(bridge)** Oh cummy, where art thou? We all need you right now, Your banishment was an attack; it left us all hobblin', And now all we have is this fake cummy goblin. ​ **(verse 3)** Cummy 9999 is a malicious harmer, Commenting everywhere for some arbitrary karma, This fake cummy is an enemy without a face, The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. ​ **(bridge x2)** **(End)**


NicknameSuggestion

I am cry


NukaCooler

I shidded and farded a d cummed all ober


gigolo_beast

Where were you when cummy was kil


Chispy_Whips

Shut it


TheUnwritenMyth

Hopefully he can use them to cover up his casts in the shower


ostentatiousshroad_

That subreddit is an absolute goldmine for finding 1 inch cockholders


Loud69ing

Skyn fucking blows, wayyy to small. Good for children i guess.


typicalcitrus

dude just get a smaller dick


AudiHoFile

Oh that's a good brand though.


ramza5850

So the point of the story is dads not in the house huh


Crookwell

Is condom sizes a US thing? I'm fairly well endowed (not huge) and I get by fine with regular condoms, I can't see it being an issue if it was bigger either. I guess on the extreme ends of the spectrum like sub 3 inch or bigger than 9inch night need something special but that can't be too many people..


DemonKiller47

The main issue is really girth rather than length.


KoopaTrooper5011

Okay then...


htbav

At one point in every males life, unless they were born by C-section, their penis was in their moms vagina.


-916Tips-

“Favorite brand. Works best for me.” Uncalled for mom. Too far.


TheRealMcDuck

Your mom did nothing wrong here. Her behavior could be considered a cool move, even.


Environmental-Gate32

It sucks when your mom buys xl condoms but you're to scared to tell her they don't make them small enough for you


drewster871

Your mom's just looking out, those are probably the best kind.


I-Fucked-YourMom

I mean, that’s a good condom. It’s my favorite too


RAGEEEEE

Sounds like your mom wanted condoms for you and her...


Qwerds7

How to understand without gender and age numbers?


ProdigyRed__

not hitting it raw is your first mistake


sine00

"Stepmother! What are you doing?!"


Lanky_Aardvark

skyn is a great brand tbh, me and my partner use it and it’s my favorite


johnnym1965

your mum is cool


LittleGhozt

Deadass though. That'd be a pretty cool mom 😂 Most parents dont want to accept that their teenage child is sexually active, so they grow up without proper sex knowledge and the right preparations. (EX; condoms, birth control.) A lot more kids would be better off if more parents did this. And Im not saying I think all these teenagers out here should be having sex at such a young age. Its just a fact that teens are having intercourse a lot younger then per say forty years ago. I just think that, if they're gonna do it anyway, they should at least be prepared.


Ulfheooin

OOF