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Add these ones i found: 4: Flareon Actually guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the hottest Pokemon? Flareon is the definition of smoking, and with the highest attack stat among eeveelutions, passionate is an understatement! She'll be 'in heat' until her flames are thoroughly doused. If her insides are a furnace, her womb is a crucible just waiting to get filled. With low HP, defence, and a x2 weakness to ground, rock, and water, you'll finish her with no problem. But what she lacks in stamina, she makes for with persistence. With her abilities Flash Fire and Guts to raise her attack, she'll want even more. Don't be afraid, this loyal Pokemon won't burn you, she can control her internal temperature so she'll always be just right. And if you still can't stand the heat, try spending time together in the water, I guarantee things will get steamy. She will melt your mind, and your dick! With this one, you'll never have a cold night. Her fluff was made for cuddling, and as a bonus, you'll never pay for heating or hot water again. She'll even cook your food. And pyrokinesis? You could play around in the Himalayas for hours! 5A: Sylveon Hey, fella's, I'm sure you're aware of the debate between Vaporeon and Umbreon and which is better for being compatible between humans but I've got news for you, There's a pokemon that's even better. as funny as this may sound it's ANOTHER Eeveelution, it's Sylveon to be exact. Sylveon weighs 51.8 Pounds or roughly 23.5 kilograms and is 3'03 tall, so they are most defiantly the right size for a person. Even better is that those ribbon-like feelers it has are actually part of its skin! this means they would feel fantastic for cuddling, foreplay, and even handjobs! (RibbonJobs?) even better is that they also emit a soothing aura. it can even wrap them around your arms and read your feelings so it knows when you're horny! it also has access to moves like attract, charm, and of course baby doll eyes! as well as draining kiss. I'm sure you know what that would be great for. and most importantly. you can ONLY get a Sylveon by having an Eevee that's already got a high affection for you. this means it would already be quite into you. so it would make the PERFECT mate! I believe I've made my case for why it's the best pokemon for humans. 5B: Sylveon Hey guys, I've seen this copypasta going around about how vaporeon would be the best pokemon for male human female pokemon breeding and I just have to laugh at how wrong that is. Vaporeon definetly isnt the best pokemon, because Vaporeon isnt even the best eeveelution for that. The best eeveelution would be Sylveon, no contest. Lets take a look at abilities to start with, vaporeon has the abilities water absorb and hydration, which both are useless in this context. Water Absorb even specifies that is takes away moisture! Terrible! Terrible choice! Now let's look at the correct option, sylveon's abilities. Sylveons main ability is cute charm, which can infatuate you with a single touch, much better than moisture sapping vaporeon. As for stats, vaporeon does have a higher physical defense than sylveon however sylveon has a much higher special defense and comparable hp, meaning that sylveon would be much more emotionally available for you than stupid vaporeon. Now onto moves, I cant believe that one of the moves used as a positive for vaporeon is ACID armor a POISON type move, that would actively harm you if used. However sylveon has an excellent move pool of play rough, heal bell, reflect, wish, attract, baby-doll eyes, charm, draining kiss, sing and work up. Sylveon has the move misty terrain which can create atmosphere and removes any sleepiness. Sylveon also has to evolve via friendship, meaning that no abusive trainers would be able to get one, they fall under the field egg group, which is mostly mammals, they're around the same size as pathetic vaporeon and they have access to ribbons that can extend and do all sorts of things. Overall, sylveon is a far better pick than vaporeon could ever hope to be.


I'll edit them in


Who did this, I feel like I need a whole glass of bleach after reading this.


Here's a link to the thread I sourced these from: https://reddit.com/r/explainitpeter/comments/op6t7u/_/h63cnjj/?context=1. I edited the Umbreon one a tiny bit to remove reference to a username so anyone would be able to use it


This man is a professional virgin oh my lord


Thank you lol :D Surfing the internet right now to get all of them, but you made my work a bit easier with Sylveon one! You need more upvotes definitely...




Give OP more upvotes. And I need bleach for my eyes