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WOW. That's the strangest sexy therapy I've heard of, but if you can get back on the same page and move forward together then it good for yall Edit: Thanks for the award. I was just trying to be supportive and a little bit funny.


Yeah I know its kind of an odd response from my side but it really has changed things for the better and our marriage needed it. Still wish it didn't go like this but all we can do in life is move forward with what we are given


I think to be safe you need check for std


I would once you are more comfortable be real with him on what brought the change so he can acknowledge and grow too


I want that to come naturally from him not me forcing him to admit it. But if he doesn't come clean in a reasonable time I will find a way to address it with him


You seem like well articulated, critically thinking, understanding and forgiving person. Very few like that still exist it seems like. I hope your husband can see that and is grateful/doesnt take it for granted. Thank you.


Unlike [Billy Madison](https://youtu.be/5hfYJsQAhl0)?


I think the relevance of this clip to the thread is a huge stretch, but I love it so much that I have upvoted you anyway.


You have it right. I would suggest the same approach. It sounds like he loves you and felt very conflicted. I am a husband in a similar situation. I could never initiate an affair but if I was approached aggressively I don't know how I would respond. It would be tough bc it's been years and I am still under 50 and yeah. I am not saying he was right. Just that I understand if he gave in to temptation.


I understand that though process, but very few people are going to be honest about stepping out on their marriage. I'd confront him in a "You fucked up and got caught, BUT we were able to solve OUR problems and I understand you rectified your adultery... However, you still fucked up. So what do you think the punishment should be?" sort of way. And I'd have a list of 4-6 possible punishments ready, on your end, and find a compromise if you can't agree on what he suggests or what you have ready. But the marriage is back to a happy place, that's the goal. That's where you should try to keep it... while still finding a punishment so that it doesn't feel is if he's gotten on scott-free. Best of luck!


In contrast to the first reply saying it's odd, I think that's one of the most adult ways to deal with cheating I've seen on reddit. Acknowledge all of the emotional turmoil, package it, decide what to do with it, decide to work on it, decide to start with yourself and acknowledge all sides of things. Not self victimized, not blaming everything on others and taking action. Make sure you take care of yourself as well, but life is a really fucky thing. I feel that the older I get the more I understand so many things that when younger I "never thought it would be possible".


Wow you def have a lot of understanding and empathy. I think of you really love him and he's saying it there blatantly about why then it seems forgivable esp since he's not talking to her anymore. I think that hurt will always be there, but it seems like you guys just forgot about love with everyday life and things to get done. I think it's great that you posted this out could actually help a lot of marriages out! Esp being married for a long time, things do get pushed to the side. You just have to make certain things a priority. X


I want to upvote you but you’re at 666 and I can’t do it lol


I read this and can't hell but think it reads like a weird fantasy of a man. No offense op and hope if it is real it all works out.


100% reads like a fantasy written by a man over at the Dead bedrooms subreddit.


I thought the same


Yeah but a *good wife* is supposed to be submissive and demure, tradition demands it!


Yeah it's super uncomfy


this is a cheating man’s fantasy


Yeah I think this is a creative writing project from a cheater


i give it a C-


Yep, be unfaithful and still get to keep your wife. No consequences


Must be no consequences for not having sex. The difference between a friend and a partner is the sex. If men were told that they will never get sex after marriage, almost no man will get married. Incentives exist for a reason. Edit: getting downvotes from people who hate the institution of marriage, and the duties that a wife must carry to keep her man faithful.


Not every man thinks like that. There are plenty of low libido men as well, and asexual men exist, too. The myth that all men want sex all the time is harmful to everyone.


Who here is a man, and would get married knowing he will never have sex after marriage. Anyone? Any takers? Comment here if you are a man and willing to take the risk of divorce, all for never having sex after marriage. Im waiting. Lets prove me wrong right now. If you are a man willing to lose 50% of your assets in a marriage that is guaranteed to give you zero sex for the rest of your life, comment below this.


I most certainly wouldn’t but I also wouldn’t cheat. I’d talk to my fucking wife. If it can’t be fixed then you move on. Cheating is a cowards way of dealing with that issue


Defo not me.


Are you serious rn? That proves nothing. How many people are even going to see your comment? A few hundred, tops. And if none of those answer, that’s indicative of the entire male population? If you have trouble believing me, you can always find a sub for asexuality and ask there.


I'm a man and there is zero chance I would continue with someone who only wanted sex once a month.


Exactly. Each partner has needs that need to be met. Even a friends with benefits, or even staying single will have more sex than what OP was putting out for her husband that caused him to step out. Marriage has always been about giving a woman loyalty, protection, and provisioning, in exchange for consistent sex and a legacy for men. If you take out the sex, suddenly your marriage will fall apart, piece by piece until you fix it, or you divorce


Idk if I agree with that completely, but I do think monogamy works both ways. Cheaters are shitty, but cutting off sex and expecting another person to be ok with it is too.


Went to your profile to see if you were single and your post history definitely confirms you are. Don't talk about what marriage is until you've at least had a relationship my guy


Incel alert


>The difference between a friend and a partner is the sex. Are you really this simple-minded?


So you saw he was cheating, didn't confront him, but instead put in more effort? I'm sorry but you need a wakeup call. Him cheating is on him. He could have communicated with you, but decided to cheat instead. You need some self respect. He probably knew you wouldn't do anything and thats why he was so comfortable leaving that tablet at home where you could find it.


LOL WHAT THE F LOOOOL LOOOLL NOW SIS this could never be me. would rather eat rocks. stay safe tho


Yeah, fuck everything about that. I'd be done.


Its better to fix something that is almost perfect, than it is to start from 0 and hope you even come close. The grass isn’t always greener.


You don't get to see the guage of how "well" something is going though. He fucked up and there will always be a cheating stain on their relationship that will come up again and again. Too many people stay because they're afraid to leave.


Thats so sad


I love that this has been an eye opening experience for you. However I urge you not to forget that he still did choose to step out on the marriage. Who is to say when times get tough again (and they will…whether it’s hormonal changes, pregnancy, illness, etc) if he doesn’t resort to the same actions? Just be careful. I thought this happened to me too with my partner and I remember feeling just like this- initially re energized by the amazing newfound intimacy and communication. Once that mini honeymoon wore off, I realized we really couldn’t return to life before infidelity. Wishing you lots of luck


I agree with what you have to say, and your message for OP, but an important thing here seems to be communication. If things, as you say, get tough again or some such then it's important that *both* parties communicate and are open with one another. This story definitely didn't go the way I thought it did but it was very interesting that it did, though.


It’s really unsettling for me how she minimizes his actions and maximizes her “faults” in the relationship. True that she says she retreated, but he bounced completely out. Right now her ego is being stroked because she thinks he picked her over the other woman. What she forgets is that when times get tough, he will pick any other woman over her. If she gets sick or goes through menopause, he will again bounce out of there.


>What she forgets is that when times get tough, he will pick any other woman over her. >If she gets sick or goes through menopause, he will again bounce out of there. This is presumptive as hell and can't possibly be discerned strictly from OP's post. Reading a confession on Reddit doesn't equate to matter of factly understanding the people involved. This should be obvious.


That's enough of this sub I think


*Sorts comments by controversial* Jesus a lot of people love cheating and are pleased with OP or saying the guy was lucky, one guy even suggesting sexual roleplay for OP. Fuck all of that




I couldn't physically be with someone who already had sex with God knows who. I would get checked. Idk what to tell you since I would have divorce him already. But get checked thats my advice


Probably fake but at least the post was entertaining


This is absolutely pathetic and fake.


If this was a man writing this story about his cheating wife everyone would be calling him a cuckold, people are congratulating her for being stepped on lmao what the hell is this.


People will do anything to justify their partner’s behavior. You. Were. Cheated. On. Don’t be fuckin stupid.


Congrats! I hope this works out for you two. Just want to gently remind you that you may want to get tested for STIs if he and the AP were physical together, and it sounds like they were if you saw videos of them together.


I did get tested and I'm all clean. He had a condom on in the pictures so I wasn't too worried about that.


That’s a relief! Good luck moving forward & past the betrayal, friend. Wishing you the best.




I’m sorry, but I feel like this is a husband who has cheated, feels guilty about it, and is writing here to try and justify his actions. (Apologies if that’s not the case)




Seems to be a lot of LARPing by reactionaries lately. Nice attempt to blame infidelity on women here.


Better than the weekly "I rejected a dirty trans person who tried to trick me" post


hahaha this reads like a cheater's fantasy, nice try but noo.


This post reminds me of those gross Facebook memes “ if my guy cheated than it’s my responsibility as a good woman to find out where I am deficient and fix it so he doesn’t have to look elsewhere” Respectfully wondering how anyone could repeatedly comment about her husbands mid sex dick in a condom without vomiting on her keyboard or screaming in rage. Perhaps I am just dramatic.


If I saw a video of my dude cheating on me, with pictures of them cute together, and also a bunch of messages, I would nope tf out on his next "business trip". He would come back to an empty house.


You are dramatic, but this situation is dramatic too lmao.


Happy for you, happier for him since he basically got away with cheating PLUS extra since his marriage is even better now. He didn't even need to justify or explain his behavior, you did it for him. A lot of cheaters fantasize about this exact situation (which also makes me wonder if this is fake). Could never be me tho. If the issue is big enough to cheat, it's big enough to divorce. Even if i were you and i indulged him "to make things right", i can only pray to God it's not _me_ who's going through a depressive episode and not wanting to have sex again because by the looks of it he would definitely cheat again if i stop having sex with him on the regular again.


I keep seeing comments like this saying I'm rewarding his behavior, and I understand that completely. But I am not letting him off the hook for what he did, that just still needs to be addressed and dealt with. What I was trying to explain here is that this opened my eyes to a problem in my marriage that I really needed to address on my side.


I would still say that the solution should have come AFTER the confrontation and not before. And regardless of what you believe, cheating far outweighs whatever issues you had on your side in this marriage. I also wanna ask, what if YOU are going through something and aren't able to keep up with his libido yet again? Do you think he'd stop himself from going back to cheating? I doubt it


I agree, in an ideal world thats how things would have gone. We need to have that conversation about him cheating and he needs to come clean. This affair didnt happen because I turned him down a couple times, it had been years since our sex life was in a good place and to his credit he put in a lot of effort to understand what was happening and trying to fix it. I want to believe if I go though something that causes my libido to drop again we will be able to have a conversation about it and fix things before they get this far. He's a lot more understanding than my post might make him out to be I guess.


>He's a lot more understanding than my post might make him out to be I guess. the dude cheated, people not seeing him as the mature/understanding one is a fair assumption regardless of the context Although i do hope he comes clean without any provocation, that is the only way i could see him redeeming himself. You sound like a really mature person and very much in love with him. Coming clean on his own is the least he can do here.


>if I stop having sex with him on the regular then I mean, a big part of this story wasn't the sex or the intimacy; it was the lack of communication on both parties. So in that case that you mention, it would be important to actually communicate and talk to your SO about it, why that's happening, what's going on, and also hear them out and see their side of things, too.


OP has a cuckold fetish


You never confronted him about his infidelity or got tested? Stupid. This is going to come back to haunt you. Good job with the Stockholm syndrome. You will be left behind once you get older and he finds you less attractive. Believe it or not, men exist that will communicate and fix problems before they break vows and cheat on you. You think you are the cool girl here, but you are coming off as a foolish one.


I hope I’m not wrong, because if this is real, your feelings are valid, your experience is your own and you deserve to own it, but this seems like something a man would write as a fantasy. There isn’t anything sexy to me (mind you I don’t have any sort of fetish around it) about a person being unfaithful. If it’s real, you seem to have an ability with self awareness that most people don’t have, and I hope that you’ll see the value in yourself and that you deserve to trust your significant other. I’ve been in an open relationship, so the sex outside of your marriage isn’t what bothers me. The fact that he was dishonest rather than directly addressing the problem is. “I feel sad because my wife doesn’t want to have sex right now” isn’t a good reason for his behavior. I hope, if this is real, that you open up to him about what you know. He deserves to be held accountable. This isn’t a call to end the relationship, just to be honest. If communication was the problem before, there’s no better time than now to fix it.


“I feel sad because my wife doesn’t want to have sex right now” isn't the cause of his cheating. OP said that their sex life has been in the decline for years, and whenever he made the effort to communicate and rectify the situation, she would be dismissive. Her husband's cheating is not as simple as getting denied sex a few times and now he's stepping out.


I agree, I probably oversimplified. Ultimately he had a chance to make a healthy choice, and he didn’t. He could hold her accountable honestly and say “this doesn’t feel right to me. I’m not being heard, I feel like you don’t really care about me, and I’m really struggling. I can’t go on like this without communication,” or to go behind her back. Integrity would say to address the problem head-on.


Hey at least you realized what the problem was and dealt with it.


Thanks. My initial reaction was anger and feeling as though my marriage was over. But at some point I realized that was somewhat in my control and things could still be fixed


Yo! Good for you! I went through something similar but I'm divorced now. It's so cool to see that relationships can be mended! You're doing great! Don't even mention anything to him, he clearly loves you. If I were you I'd use this momentum to figure out your long term plans or whatever else YOU feel like needs addressing. Low sex drive doesn't just happen, there's always a sublayer.


lol whats with the downvotes


Most likely my last paragraph LOL


Yeah, instead of talking to you about it he chose to chest on you straight away. What a mature, brilliant way of dealing with things.


I never believe these stories where a spouse catches the other one cheating by looking at a device and finding messages, pictures, etc. What dumbass is leaving such incriminating evidence just laying around?


Deep down cheaters who do it because of lack of attention want to get caught. It's like a child rebelling. Oh you don't have my time? How bout now?


I mean, yes that partially, but also sometimes people are just crappy at covering things up lol


Exactly. My gf is keeping our relationship a secret from her parents and has taken a million steps to ensure they’ll never find out. Passcode on her phone, text notifications hidden until you click on them, requiring a passcode for WhatsApp, saving any pictures of me in a password locked album, saving my contact as my full name with a label implying I’m a coworker, etc. You have to be a real moron to not take even basic precautions on your phone.


Weird how many people support you just accepting the cheating and then just sleeping with your husband as a reward almost. I don't understand justifying it because lack of communication and not confronting him. You should respect yourself enough to not let someone treat you like that then blame yourself. I can understand him needing a sexual life but he should have said rather than just cheat in my opinion just kinda proves he can do that to you.


Excuse me what


Either real or fake, op is a dumbass


He is still a dick for a) never mentioning the issue to you to address and b) for not ending the relationship before perusing another woman. The man likes to have his cake and eat it too.


She did mention that SHE NEVER GAVE HIM A CHANCE to voice his concerns and was dismissive towards him whenever he wanted to talk.


If something is a problem its up to whoever has the problem to lay it out, or leave. Don't cheat.


You really shouldn't just sweep it under the rug. That's not healthy. Regardless of anything you did or didn't do, he chose to cheat on you. That requires at least a conversation, if you want your marriage to be based on trust and honesty. Marital counseling would be ideal, but it's a time bomb just waiting to go off if you rug sweep.


nothing justifies cheating, not even a dead bedroom and someone who doesn't want to talk about it. he should have broken up with you instead of cheating. but i mean, whatever makes you happy i guess


Honestly the people congratulating you are insane. This is a terrible betrayal and I'm sorry for you


That sounds like the start of trauma bonding or hysterical bonding (as my therapist called it). Which takes place after the discovery of an affair. I went through it. It lasts for a little while and passes if you don’t address the underlying problems.


Tell me this was written by a man without telling me this was written by a man lol “he cheated and now things are awesome!” 😂


Extremely fake.


This is fucking gross. If this is real, I feel really bad for you..want happens if you get sick or something happens where you can't be as sexual with him anymore. Now you know he will just run around on you again. Have you even told him you know? This has to be fake...


Hm. Not sure how to feel about this. It seems really concerning that he would resort to cheating before communicating his dissatisfaction. Communication is really important in any relationship and it seems like he didn’t even try? And then on your end, you haven’t even told him what you found out even though you feel betrayed? I’m not sure a relationship can work when both sides are unable to communicate their feelings… I really think you need couples therapy before something like this happens again. Good luck though


Communication is a two way street. OP writes she was dismissive of his comments and needs, and attributed the lowering sex drive as normal. From what I read she made the mistake of settling and pushing blame elsewhere Cheating is indefensible, and he should’ve either left or moved to counseling.


Op admitted that he did try to talk with her, she was dismissive, she never gave him the chance to speak with her the way he did with the ow.


True but it doesn’t seem like he tried hard enough. There are so many other options before cheating. He could have suggested couple’s counseling. I don’t think he communicated the gravity of the situation, it’s obvious from the post OP would not have been so dismissive if they knew how serious the issue was. Either way cheating is inexcusable and it makes me sad that OP is basically giving him a free pass.


Why are you assuming he hasn’t tried hard enough if even the OP is saying he has tried telling her this for years. You’re choosing to focus on what he has done only instead of acknowledging why he may have done that.


Because he cheated and lied? Do you really think that was the only option?


I agree with cg420 as I am also with mixed feelings to the situation. I’m happy that things are going well for you now, but now passes. It doesn’t sound like he knows you know, and that seems like a powder keg just waiting to explode. Like the next time he fucks up, you’ll just be looking at him and saying to yourself “I know you had sex with that woman”, even though it has nothing to do with what you’re mad at. All the bad feelings live together. They just become one huge bad feeling. This is a shitty situation. I know you feel like it’s better, and that’s awesome that it is, I dunno. He was lying to you, now you’re keeping truth from him. Not the same, but honesty is a huge part of a relationship.


Yeah, exactly. So much dishonesty on both sides. Kinda just makes me sad.


But he did try to communicate multiple times, and she was not hearing any of it. She even said so herself.


Read the post before you comment.


He has been trying for years to be honest and communicate and I haven't been willing to listen or really accept what he has been saying. That's why I am willing to give him a break here and give him a second chance, I am listening and working with him now so if anything further happens its on him completely.


Says a lot about your character. I hate to admit it, but I would have started a fight


Well, if he was unhappy with the sex-life… why didn’t he consult in you? Why didn’t he try and talk to you about it? Discuss his worries and feelings? Why didn’t he seek therapy to get proper advice and help? Why didn’t he do any of that *before* resorting to cheating? This is Reddit, and I know people will get upset at my comment.






I’m a little curious why you guys only do it once or twice a month? Why rejecting or not want to have more sex before?


i understand you but also he couldve easily said all the things he said to her - to YOU. why complain to a stranger when you can discuss these things with your partner? hes still a massive asshole for that.


loll gotta fk someone else so you could really let it go lol "jk" . do you feel he still loves / provides for you


Lol you “think”?!


I still think you should address the elephant in the room. Anyway, good luck on your marriage! 💟


I love your willingness and perseverance to! Unfortunately, he’s not coming clean so your screwed everyday he’s lying to you while looking you straight in the eye!


I would have set his ass on fire, literally


I don’t know to applaud you or feel sorry for you. He betrayed your trust and it doesn’t sound like he was very communicative. Did he do anything to peak your sexual interest? Women and men become aroused differently. Sometimes women need more emotional connection or to know that other needs are being met. The fact you forgave him so easily is very interesting. Hope y’all go to therapy.


I mean you've obviously gained perspective here. Now that the train is back on the track so to speak. Sit down and tell him what you found, how it made you feel and also that it made you realize your part in all this. Do not escalate. If you want to punish him for his betrayal then go to therapy. If you can clearly say I never want it to happen again no matter that I understand the motivations and it is the greatest betrayal BUT you can expect me to be much more responsive to an equal sex life to heal ourselves then so be it.


Hahah. Wtf? I thought maybe she had two husbands. Come to find out her husband has a free pass.


@Op..... Sex is vital to most relationships. One of the most hurtful things partners can do to each other is to refuse sexual advances from their partner. I am not excusing infedility...let me be clear on that!! I'm no expert. Only going on 22 years married. It's like a dagger in the heart when your spouse shoots you down....every single time... I took a marriage and family course in college (non denomination at a state college), and some of the studies were eye opening. If my partner even hints at it...I'll do it... even sick....or if I have a migraine or am sore or tired, or stressed out. I try not to ever say no. (I have in the past..and always see how much it hurts my spouse's feelings...even if I'm just finished doing 36 hours without sleep etc)... For years I did 12 hour graveyard shifts and full time university (nearly 5 years) so that messed with our schedules and sleep... My spouse has had medical reasons for periods of no sex for a month or more(surgeries, etc, etc). I can't imagine being cheated on, or cheating on my spouse. I don't envy you the heartache of your situation, and hope whatever ever the solution is, you can figure out what is right for you.




It's difficult to believe this wasn't written by a man


This reads like a dude wrote it to say “Do the sex I want and I won’t cheat.” While I agree that two people together, married or not, should want the same awesome sexy things, I do not feel that any single person would actually react this way to finding what is said to be found.


Can't say everyone would take this approach, but kudos to you. I never cheated on my SO, but left recently after 4 years together majorly as a result of dead bedroom. Glad you two were able to work things out together. I think men should be scrutinized for it, but sex really is something we need, and without it, it can seriously corrupt our happiness, our sense of being a man, and eventually our marriages.


you're that oblivious to your partner's needs? k


bruh, deadass your only fucking him cause you felt your position of power was being compromised. almost as if you dont love him, but you like having a man as a doormat to feed your ego. and when he was looking for an escape you dragged him back down instead of leaving him. kinda like when a girl friendzones a guy, and then kisses him or romances him just when hes about to move on with a new girl only to just keep him in the frienzone again. i wouldnt be surprised if youve been cheating on him this whole time.


Idk to upvote or downvote. I guess upvote for the happy ending? Or downvote because once an argument breaks this whole story is going to get thrown at hubbys face? Any one else?


I have no intention of throwing this in his face during an argument. I am waiting for a good time for it to all be addressed but its not something I plan on using as leverage


As much as I want to believe that. It’s just not realistic. You yourself said you don’t know how to deal with the feelings of betrayal. I think if an argument breaks you’re definitely going to have those feelings comeback stronger. You know you’re never going to forget that affair.


We've been together for almost 8 years. We've gone through a lot together and when we argue it has never gone that way.




I never said what he did was ok, I'm still hurt by what he did and I wish it went a different way. Sometimes I want him to be punished in some way for what he did but the reality is that I love him and care about him and I know he feels guilty about it. I'm not going to let my marriage fall apart because of a mistake. But I completely felt the way you're describing.


While you know what happened you should still ask him about it and let him explain himself. Obviously its getting better but he still betrayed your trust. Don't just throw him away though, give him a second(last and only)Chance. He should apologize and learn from it, you should tell him that you didn't mean to cut out the sex from your marriage and take his needs together with yours into account from now on. After all he didn't just leave you and probably still loves you the same as before.


I am hoping with time he will feel comfortable telling me himself, I want that to be genuine and not a forced thing because I found out. That will take time. And if he doesn't tell me I am ok giving him his second chance. People make mistakes


People really can find a way to justify anything they need to. This person cheated on you. On of the most ultimate betrayals. He mad a conscious decision to cheat on you, it's In no way shape or form an accident. He continuously messaged this woman (everytime having to confront the fact that he has a wife that he is betraying). Who cares if he cut things off? What's to stop it from happening again? I'm not going to tell you how to respond but I'm going to say you clearly haven't thoroughly processed this (as you've admitted) I think you need to take a few days away maybe a weekend by yourself and process what you're really feeling about this betrayal. Please have some respect for yourself. You learned a lesson and that's a great thing but don't let your mind show him as victim. He stuck his dick in another woman.


So you’re just gonna let him carry on with the other one?


She clearly stated in the post, that he sent the OW a message saying he has to stop seeing her.


I’m blind then. 🤷🏻‍♀️


I know he stopped things with her. And they way I am looking at things now is that anything further that happens like that is 100% on him, I have been making the effort and trying to fix things so if he does it again I will not let it go another time


Good ❤️ best wishes to you!


Why does no one read the full post before commenting…? You look dumb


The edit wasn’t there when I commented. Not that I could see anyway.




Being human is not all black and white. There are many grey areas. What works for you doesn't work for others.




You people? That's quite a grand assumption based on literally zero information. But sure you go on living your life telling other who they are and how they're feeling. I'm sure that'll get you far in life, and in love 👍


I know he does love me that is not in question. He made a mistake that hurt me and I am still figuring out how to deal with that part. But I also know I shut him out when he tried to fix the problem the "correct" way in the past.


You haven’t read the post clearly




Well I would love an update once the betrayal get acknowledged. I would really want to know how that plays out. I hope for the best for you.


That’s what I tell my hoes.


I don't know how to feel about this. Yes, he did cheat and this is a fact. However, I kinda understand his perspective. Don't get me wrong - he's still a POS for doing this but you are equily guilty because you refused to listen to him trying to have a conversation with you. It's good that you somehow managed to fix this for now. Just don't let this become a habit of his.


Congrats on working through this and the fact that you had all the information at hand to make a rational decision, likely saved your marriage.


You did a good job with the emotional maturity. Just remember that it takes two to tango, and open and frequent communication from both sides keeps marriages alive. You’re together flaws and alls. Keep talking about the things you love and don’t. Make sure you’re on the same page or Atleast both feel comfortable expressing yourselves. Communication is key, and you’re a team!


I'm sorry that's what it took for you to see his side and I'm so glad he called things off immediately with the other girl! Yes, you do still need to talk about his cheating or the resentment will just fester but damn, how amazing that you took the time to try to understand his side and you're working through it together. I wish you both the very best for the future and I hope you have many more happy years together.


Reading some of these comments, I doubt you people ever were in a serious relationship. Loosing a marriage that you can actually work on because you know the problem and solution is silly and such a stupid idea! The effort, the pain, the disruption of going through a divorce cannot be justified so easy, especially when it seems the relationship could be saved. Is like you people imagine there is a best husband shop, that you can go to when you don't like the current model.


I've been in a position similar to your husband due to my wife's sex drive going way down due to medication she had to start taking and honestly I can see these types of issues killing a relationship. It took us a lot of talks and working through the issue that sexually we were no longer on the same page to get things to a better place. I don't condone your husband cheating and in my opinion it's inexcusable but as another man who's been in that place I can say that I understand the temptation and how being in that place could lead to infidelity.


I hope this ends well for you OP


I am a guy and I am in need of some advice... For context, I (25m) and my fiance (22f) have been dating and together for 4 years now. We just had our anniversary a couple weeks ago and since I have been battling depression and anger as my fiance has been talking to a 30 some year old guy she works with... Everything was good because I was told he was a friend and she only talked to him because he had a sweet daughter. It was fine until one night she turned off her phone to go meet him in the middle of the night. She was mia for 45 minutes and I thought she got kidnapped from work. We have had a few fights about this and of course I'm upset, but I still love her... The problem is she has been distancing herself for so long and it was only after all this happened that she finally told me she did it because she was bored and unhappy. How do I get her back.... I try so hard and it never seems like enough. I just want for our relationship to get stronger, and I need more intamicy and for her to try harder....


No fucking way would I stay with a cheater wtf lol you're way stronger than I could ever be


That's what happens, when people can't communicate with each other. That's the root of all problems couple could have. Don't be dismissive. Hear your partner and insist to be heard. He was wrong, because he decided to cheat on you, instead of insisting to talk about things. You were wrong because you didn't want to listen. That's good you making effort to sort it all out, but he still needs to answer for his affair with another woman. Good luck to you both and do not forget this life lesson.


You are a way better person than me for, even in a situation as hurtful as that, we’re able to find a way to feel sympathy for your husband.


What a lovely, positive outcome! The betrayal notwithstanding, you've managed to turn a negative into a positive and cured the problem simultaneously. I imagine your husband is beside himself with glee, having married and wanted *you*.


He is definitely much happier now and so am I


Op if he doesn't confess on his own and apologize for his part in all of this would you still be with him? Because I think him confessing it on his own account is the most important part.


The most important thing is that he doesn't do it again. Him coming clean to me would be ideal and would help me a lot but if he doesn't I think I will have to address it with him, but I don't want it to feel like an attack from me


But you did your part in fixing it , him not coming cleaning about this would say alot about his character. Everybody makes mistakes but whether they try to fix the mistake is what counts. Confessing his infidelity on his own account would be the right thing to do on his part. If he's capable of waking up every single day telling you that he loves you without any guilt and sense of accountability for what he has done then that is a huge red flag Because the only thing worse than cheaters are cheaters who don't confess I personally think him confessing is one of the most important things along with him not doing it again.Don't bring it up yourself under any circumstance let him do that as that is the right thing to do on his part. And that would tell you whether it was the right decision to stay or not but if you think differently than that's fine but I suggest you atleast think about it.


Did he even try communicating with you? If not I don't think he deserves this kindness coming from you


He did communicate with me but I wasn't really hearing what he was saying, I didn't realize how bad I had let things get


Yep there it is, you're blaming yourself for getting cheated on


I am so happy for you. I know he is still guilty for cheating and not confiding in you about his feelings. But I am glad that this was an eye opener for you and a window to restoring your marriage. God bless. Sending love on your way.


Wow, congratulations for being so mature. Most people will act like children and through things and make a big scene about their hurt feelings but you, you wanted to understand and actually managed to use this unfortunate event to work on your relationship, while also acknowledging your own needs and hurt. Is amazing, I wish more people were like you, willing to work on problems not act on hurt feelings. You are very strong


So did my husband and I never knew just how much value or marriage had. We fought like hell through it and it did make out better. That was about seven years ago and we celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary on the 30th!


Great that is worked out for you. It would be hard for me not to bring it up to him.


Relationships tend to fail because of either sex or money!


> we do still have to address his betrayal, he hurt me and that needs to be acknowledged by him but that still needs to happen Does it? I'm just an Internet idiot, no need to listen to me, but I'll give you a piece of advice that someone once gave me: if you're going to have a difficult conversation with someone, make sure that you know what outcome you want and work towards that outcome. What would you have him do, or change, as a result of that conversation, that will make both your lives better? If you know what you want changed, and you believe that talking to him will put you on the road to achieving that outcome, then do it. Otherwise, it might not be worth undertaking. I get that it's popular in modern relationships to "want my feelings validated" or "want to be acknowledged", etc. But at the end of the day, that and $5 will buy you a fancy coffee. Emotional turmoil with no positive outcome in sight accomplishes nothing.


It's always better to discuss problems when things are good than when they are bad. When things are bad, we say things with a hot head and hurt each other. I'm glad you could put it past you just enough to be able to fix things. Now is the time to explain that you learned about the betrayal and want to talk about it.