So you say you had a job making 6 figures but he wants you to go back to school? Weird


I don't think he wants her to be too independent and 'less able to be controlled'.


Right, so she was making 6 figures, and he works too, but they got together and everything is worse? Something don’t add up


No....this is literally what happens in abusive relationships. This sounds identical to my experience too. Successful until he is in my life and then everything spirals to his level.


>Right, so she was making 6 figures, ... at age 22. Hmm.


I'm 35 - I'm not sure how old you are but that gen of young adults make way more than we did. I believe the six figures esp bc many more women now go into tech and science or medical fields. Almost every woman I know who went into pharma sales doubles their pay with each promotion and by 30 make more than Dr salaries if they're dedicated. It happens.


>and by 30 make more than Dr salaries So if she would have gotten, roughly, two promotions between 22 and 30, she'd be earning six figures with at least a 4 as the first figure at 30? Hmm.


I'm not trying to argue at all just want to point out it does happen. Again, not typical but w pharma sales you can make an insane amount of money if you bust your ass. I asked her to give a general idea of her field so this factor can be settled lol


Doctor salaries at 30 don't start at 400k. My entire family are in the med field. My dad is a world renowned thoracic surgeon for 30 years and makes 500k as a surgeon... his income mostly comes from speaking worldwide and his inventions that are all funded by the hospital as part of his contract.


My point exactly.


Wait yes ok I see what you mean. She wouldn't be making at 22 the amount she'd possibly make ten years into it you're right my bad sorry hahahah


Ok, I hear you. On the same page now, so w all that factored in yes they wouldn't be making more than drs ever lol


Exactly, was she on only fans or something because you’re not getting a manager spot making 6 figures at 22, those spots are usually for people in their mid 30’s maybe late 20’s if it’s a family business


i made 6 figures at 17, its pure entrepreneurship. dont success shame


It's not shaming. It's doubt.


This was my honest initial thought too but onlyfans can be done at home. She'd still be making six figures and secretly if that were the case. I'm thinking she worked in tech or something w engineering. At 22, you can also be an NP or something in medical or pharma that pays that much. I know many women who make six figures in these fields at young ages.


You were making six figures at 22 and quit? Why wouldn’t he stay home with the kids?


Great question


Yes it is. My wife started making that and I resigned to home life.


This is my situation too. It's a control thing. My husband works a min wage job 45 hours a week and the idea was I stay home w the kids but his job doesn't cut it financially. My job pays 4x as much but because he's full time I'm limited in the hours I can offer of myself. You can't apply to any position offering a valuable schedule to be hired when the hours aren't there and even if you do work some it doesn't allow you enough time to work enough to save enough to be financially able to leave ...partner refuses to lessen their hours because they want to appear as provider or hard worker to others and it'd also hurt his ego to know I provide easily in half the hours he works a week. If I were to say fuck this I'm working you stay home, he'd not show up for my shifts and I'd be able to work zero hours Instead of the 12 a week I do get to work.


Exactly this 💯


It's brutal. It's always the bums that have these control issues. They want you to live under their ceiling - anything you are or do or make over their ceiling is a threat.


Please tell me that you are back to working and aren’t continuing on like this? I don’t mean to judge but holy shit that would make me livid lol


I don't feel judged, thank you. I am working full time and making more than ever since 3 months ago. He still works full time but 7-3 so I work 4-10 and one day on the weekends. That way we need no childcare and our kids are always w one of us but I can save to do what I need to do.


Good for you 💜


I’m thinking it was his ego. Maybe he couldn’t accept her being the breadwinner (which is incredibly stupid).


This. 100% this.


Personally id love to stay home. Would be a dream come true.


I think that the one who makes less should be staying at home, at least until the kid starts in school


I hope you get to one day. I’ve been a SAHM for almost sixteen years, great in the beginning. Now it’s just loneliness.


Kids grew up?


It does get lonely but those years are so valuable to the kids and you. My dad worked his ass off and still does to provide but said his biggest regret is all the time missed w us to go to work. Long term you've sacrificed so much to give them much more. Pick up some part time work even one or two shifts a week - it's such a nice mental break and how quickly you find yourself again is shocking. Thank you for sacrificing so much for your babies!


Parents who have no choice but to work tend to share so many special moments in the time they do get with their kids and appreciate every second even more and usually with more patience and presence. You are doing great!


I think counseling and working again would be the first steps. Having someone you can talk to regularly would help to give you guidance and support with any decisions you need to make. It sounds like you were doing great at your previous job so you could probably start that again or something similar. That would help your financial situation whether you stay together or end up splitting. Good luck OP!


You were making 6 figures while also being a single mom yet you're struggling now that youre with someone. You always loved him even when he left you but you have a kid already that's not his. Is this a writing exercise?


Already on 6 figures at age 22 after just a few years working... smells like bull, definitely a writing exercise.


Honestly, if u want it to work get counseling bc every relationship “falls out of love” but if u don’t then get a serious therapist who can help


You know what you should do. Break up.


Coming from someone who has been married on my third marriage but this one is on 20 years. You need to both seek counseling not just for you but the kids but if you're not in love with him it's not fair to your kids, him or yourself so sit down and talk to him and I mean talk no yelling arguing or fighting express concerbs on both sides. Now if counseling doesn't do anything then seek divorce or seperation, life is too short not to be Happy I will pray for you all. Go back to that job please!! Never ever let a man tell you that you can't work or you need to stay home unless it's what you want also..


So the 6 figures part sounds fake to me, because no one quits a 6 figure job for someone they just getting back with, and I doubt someone would ask that, no one wants to struggle, but everything else besides that, I think you are just over the relationship, you initially were feeling nostalgia for what y’all had and now that’s gone and reality is settling in


This is a nobrainer. Come on woman, you know what you have to do. The sooner the better.


Literally this always happens. The answer is clear as day but they still ask for advice 💀


Love this directness!


Firstly, I would say this is a serious life decision. Please don't make it based on what Reddit, no matter how sensible, tells you. Seek professional help, a counselor of some sort. Even if you want nothing to do with him romantically going forward, it would be good to be able to salvage some sort of relationship, for the sake of your children.


You need to go see a therapist, and maybe also do couples counseling if you want to continue in this relationship. Why did you quit your job for him if you were the breadwinner? If I were you, I would make sure your finances are separate, and get your old job back. Then you can hire daycare/nannies for your kids so you won't have to stay home. Though if he made you quit your job and is making your family struggle, I don't see why you would want to be with him. He's just bringing you down. It seems like you resent him for cheating on you and making you quit your job. You'll have to decide if you can move past those things or not.


Married 13years here. I haven’t always been in love with my husband but he was worth the effort to make it work. We fall in and out of love with each other from time to time. You need to ask yourself, is this person worth it? Do you want to be together? If not, leave.


This is a great point. Marriage isn't a constant flow of love, sometimes it's absent. If this isn't an abuse or control situation try to stay through it. Biggest red flag I read in it not working was her being repelled by his scent during pregnancy and it sticking out to her. That to me says biologically and chemically they aren't meant to be.


The way you fell so hard for him and then turned to drugs after you broke up points to larger underlying issues of emotional disorder or dysfunctional upbringing that have not fully healed. It is not normal to have this all-or-nothing attitude, and then go on to hurt your own life because of it. It sounds like you fell out of love when money started becoming an issue. Are you looking for a mate, or for a provider? Not all men are both. The fact that you made 6 figures at 22 suggests that you came from money. If you're used to that kind of lifestyle, it's going to be very hard to adjust to anything less. What did yo see in him, when you were younger? Was he a good student? Was he wealthy? Was he attractive?




Op 1st tell your so how you feel and then go from there 2 go back to your job


You should try getting a good, stable job and expressing how you feel towards him and seeing if he accepts how you feel about him, like some sort of marriage counseling or try to get him a job that has good pay if he did well in school.


You’ve figured it out already. You’re done. It’s time to move on. Sit down and see if you can both leave the situation amicably (especially for the kids sake) or look into getting a lawyer. Hopefully you’ll be able to get a job similar to the one you had before he came back into your life.


I would leave him, I understand he’s your high school sweetheart but it seems like mentally your health has declined and you said you were making more money before you got back with him.


Honestly, I feel like your body has maybe caught up with some underlying feelings towards him that you aren’t okay with previous behaviour and that maybe he isn’t the right person for you. Please don’t force yourself to be with anyone because you think it’s right for your kids, cause kids see that and they may not be able to verbally say they understand but they understand on some level. I think that maybe you should try speak with your own psychologist to work through some of your feelings and see if you can get to the bottom of them. Be kind to yourself 🤍


You are not in love with him cause he doesn't earn much. you did not or do not care about his loyalty or bad past. you just care about him not being the man you expected him to be. I guess He is attractive that why you ignored his cheating past.


It might not be that he is attractive. It honestly sounds like she has had trauma in her upbringing and it has cause her to have an unhealthy attachment style.


Agree. My staying in a situation like this was linked to my lack of self worth and not at all appearance....if you saw a pic of the two of us side by side itd be evident to anyone looks were not at all a factor in staying lol


This all sounds absolutely awful. Leave him immediately.




I don’t get how this post is a reflection of millennials being dumber than boomers. Shitty relationships aren’t new; for every thousand millennial relationships like this, there were probably a thousand boomer relationships like this back in the day.


What a ridiculous comment. What does when she was born have to do with her relationship??


Dumb his ass


He was your high school sweetheart. While you may always have a soft spot for him, you were a different person in high school than you are now. And he’s a different person too. You guys have grown up and changed, so it would make sense that your feelings towards him did too. If your heart isn’t in the relationship, you should leave. You deserve to be happy and in love with your partner. However, I can understand it being really difficult to do when you have a child together. Maybe you should try talking to a counselor or therapist about what’s been going on. They’ll help you navigate through this difficult situation!


It shows that you still hold a grunge with him, something about him just piss you off it can be your body hasn't forgave him some time when they say bury the pass, it's for a good reason.. but you're in this situation now where you have one kid with him. And now he's gunna be in your life forever no matter what. I say, in my opinion, get self-healing, find peace, get yourself a small job, and start to detach yourself (fanatically)from him. Then go from there.. just remember a relationship can only with hold if both people are doing their part.


You knew that he treated you like shit, you knew he had made no changes to his behavior, and yet you somehow thought he'd magically be different after he had yet another failed relationship and came right back to you? Really? You sacrificed a good career early in life just for yet another child you knew he wouldn't care for


Married 13years here. I haven’t always been in love with my husband but he was worth the effort to make it work. We fall in and out of love with each other from time to time. You need to ask yourself, is this person worth it? Do you want to be together? If not, leave.


Girl, i dont see anything wrong. My ex made me stop working and he didnt provide as needed. I struggled too. Worst mistake ever!! I wish i never allowed him to control my income. I made way more than him. He wanted me to ask n depend on him. It was a nightmare. Dont do what you dont want to, do what makes you happy. Maybe your guys times have past. Lusten to the gutt


He sounds like a loser. Save yourself and your daughter. I mean ever your own body is telling you you should leave


Loves a choice. Loyalty is a choice. You have to fight your demons, his demons, the world for the person you choose to be with. You have to make a choice. If you need counseling you can try it. He has to fight to. If he can’t fight and doesn’t have it in him then don’t waste your time.


You will be miserable as long as you’re with him. He deserves to be with someone who who doesn’t struggle to tolerate him.


Aye carrumba. Providing is important imo. Most couples don’t make it due to money. You already can see that.


Do you have to ask that? Girl, if you don't love him, it's over!


I had a friend who met someone. She got pregnant and they shacked up. She had a promising career, he had 2 ex wives, 2 older kids, and over 100k debt. She was crazy about him. Once the baby was born her sex drive crumbled. Just couldn't bear the thought of being intimate with him. Other people yes, him no. She tried everything to rekindle the spark but it was gone. So she married him, trying so hard to build that happy family. I and another friend didn't know what to do, one hundred percent sure she was making a mistake but not knowing how to talk her out of it. Then one night, he decided he was done being patient and raped her. They are now divorcing. She realises how much happier she is without him, and more secure. She now has the rest of her life to make better choices. What I mean by all this is, if you know something in your gut, don't wait. Start making better choices today.


Breeders just love kids more then the people they had them with, really sad. Should be able to communicate with the person that solves everything, but communication appears to be a lost art to so many people


Basically this girls type is a bad guy who emotionally absuses her probably after having a child he calmed down and changed his behavior and now she finds him “boring” because she is addicted to toxicity clearly why did she stick around through all the crap he was doing to her over the years? It’s absolutely clear what happened he is no longer toxic and she doesn’t like it because she likes toxic men


Unpopular opinion but most couples that decided to get married and start a family in their 20s often times regret it when they're in their 30s and 40s


OP - can you share just the field of work you're in and that he is in so we can get a better idea of what is realistic for yourself and the kids and bounce some ideas around on how to help?


Why are you doing this to yourself and your kids


Sounds like you grew up and maybe realised you deserve better


You got back together with someone who broke your trust in the past. That is your first mistake. I'll leave it at that.


>fell in love with a math teacher while he was in school Why is everyone ignoring this!!