T O P
FerDefer

[real](https://facts.net/shark-facts/)


SteveK124

> Don’t panic if you see a shark’s fin protruding in the lake because some sharks actually live in freshwater settings. I’d still panic


fistkick18

Lmao "don't panic, your panic is actually completely justified." Love the idea that the writer thinks that confusion over biomes is the most logical reason to panic.


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ScumHimself

I think they are talking about people being concerned that the shark is lost and will die swimming up into fresh water, but yeah. Ahhhhh!


BabiesOnQuack

"Shark you're drunk, go home"


EyeballBoogerMan

Nah, nah, I'm fin dude


TheMemeDream420

Shark would have to be very lost to get to a lake


ScumHimself

Happens all the time in Louisiana, where I am from.


Smaptastic

Maybe he thinks people are panicking over the shark’s safety? It explains the sentence, but I would argue that he does not understand why people panic when they see a shark.


Succmyspace

OMG THAT SHARK IS SUFFOCATING LET ME GRAB IT AND BRING IT TO SAFETY!!!


GODDESS_OF_CRINGE__

lol, that's hilarious, and so true.


TheFamousOne__

Wtf is this author man😭


GiantRetortoise

It's painfully obvious this was written by an AI


sirgamestop

It's more dangerous to walk across the street than swim in shark infested waters, you still shouldn't panic. It's perfectly safe


I_Envy_Sisyphus_

Maybe for you, but I always carry raw liver in my back pocket as a healthy snack and that did not go well the last time I swam in shark infested waters. Cars seem uninterested.


sirgamestop

You have back pockets on your swim suit?


LefroyJenkinsTTV

No, just one.


GODDESS_OF_CRINGE__

The prison pocket isn't just for prison anymore.


I_Envy_Sisyphus_

Do you not? Where do you keep your snacks?


Succmyspace

Here is one thing that i always wondered about shark statistics. Everyone always says stuff like "You are more likely to die from a vending machine than a shark." This seems to suggest they are talking about just the number of ppl that die from sharks vs vending machines, which of course humans are around vending machines way more often so of course we die to them more. What I want to know is what is my chance of dying to a shark per unit of time I am in proximity to the shark vs my chance of dying to a vending machine per unit of time I am in proximity to the vending machine (or lighting storm, or busy street, etc.)


Orca-Song

Depends on where you are and what you're doing. Scuba diving in clear water? Pretty low chance. Surfing on rough shores with a lot of stirred up sand? Well, now you might have a problem. Sharks actually don't want to just gobble up any old thing that floats in front of their faces. They have specific prey, and humans don't fit into that category because we don't live in the ocean. If they're able to recognize us as something that doesn't belong there, then they tend to leave us alone. Most bites come from mistaken identity, where they think we're a seal or sea turtle or something else they *do* like to eat. They take a bite, realize, "This isn't what I thought it was," and usually leave. Sharks sometimes also bite as a way to investigate things. Since they have no hands or feet, that's the only thing they can really interact with. Unfortunately, it's very pointy and results in injuries or death for us puny humans. And like any animal, provoking a shark can also lead to a bite. Something that's becoming a problem now is people intentionally luring sharks in. Now sharks are beginning to associate people with food, which creates an expectation. If they're not fed, they may try to bully food out of humans, which can, of course, increase injuries. But this is a problem with all wild animals, not just sharks. More info here for anyone who's interested, particularly divers: https://dive.site/blog/do-sharks-attack-divers/#:~:text=Yes%2C%20sharks%20do%20attack%20divers,pose%20more%20risks%20than%20others.


oh-snip

to my knowledge you're not supposed to wear flashy jewelry or bellysurf when swimming in shark-frequented waters to avoid being mistaken for a more appetizing prey item


Orca-Song

That also, yes. Bright colors are also a no-no.


beelzeflub

Now I got muskies AND sharks to worry about? No more trips to put-in-bay for me.


figureinplastic

If anything, this is *more* of a reason to panic!


JukeBoxDildo

"Don't worry, babe! He's *supposed* to be here!" Babe: *dies*


PoorlyLitKiwi2

Yeah, I'm confused by that wording. Shouldn't it be the opposite? Or is it "Don't panic" as in "don't worry, the shark will be ok!"


MadeByTango

That’s why I brought a towel


BlahBlahBlankSheep

* Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t even seem to be livin’… ’til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin’ and your hollerin’ those sharks come in and… they rip you to pieces.*


whoami_whereami

And given that the shark species you'd be most likely to encounter in freshwater is the bull shark, which is *the* top shark species that attacks humans (reported cases are similar to tiger and great white sharks, however it is estimated that a lot of reported attacks by the latter two are actually misattributed bull shark attacks), you'd actually be justified. True freshwater sharks (as in living their entire lives in freshwater) are very rare and only live in a handful of rivers in Asia and Australia. Bull sharks on the other hand generally only enter rivers for mating and birth, but they're numerous and can be encountered almost anywhere in the tropics.


SteveK124

You got me thinking about the game maneater now


Up_vote_McSkrote

Yeah cause it's a Bull shark and those fuckers are vicious.


Victorydale

"Don't panic if you see a fountain of blood spurting from your chest after being shot because that is what happens when you get shot in the chest."


Big_Dick_No_Brain

Bull sharks can handle going from salty to fresh water quite well. Bull sharks are also like to bite humans.


nyjets4life6

“Let’s say a kidnapper trows you in the back of a truck! DONT PANIC!!!!!”


SteveK124

While they normally use a trunk, a truck is a common occurrence as well.


Poignant_Porpoise

Is the article implying that people who panic when seeing a shark are doing so out of concern for the shark's wellbeing?


Haiku_dog

thanks for checking mommy shark 🐬😍


Sauron3106

Real and straight


WHATYEAHOK

Doo doo doo doo doo doo


JOptionPainIII

Thanks mom


FaolanG

Been telling people this for years. Usually people believe me but there is always one detractor. Tigers (sharks) really are the ultimate predator.


natsirTi

baby shark eating it’s sister.. . … . do dooo doo doo doo.. .


vhexs

That song is so annoying I wish it would get eaten


wiscowonder

... do dooo doo doo doo.. .


ManSeedCannon

I've never heard the song and I'm about to look it up. I will report back. Edit: omfg my ears


GODDESS_OF_CRINGE__

And because of it's simplicity, YOU WILL NEVER FORGET IT. It is optimized to be remembered.


ManSeedCannon

Don't you put that evil on me Ricky Bobby


vhexs

I despise how correct you are.


daveinpublic

How can you forget a song with only two words?


megabob7

It's the safety dance of children's songs


Skrooogee

Shouldn’t have done that you will remember it forever, one day your going to be an old man on their death bed and when your life is flashing before your eyes the soundtrack will now be that song.


velhelm_3d

You've just had a taste of what parenthood sounds like. Now get 3 hours or less sleep for a year and listen to it for the next level.


Nightst0ne

That song is a banger. I can’t think of any modern kids song that is an instant classic. Its the all I want for Christmas is you of kid songs. The pinnacle of seasonal pop and the pinnacle of nursery pop. I can only imagine the baby these two songs would have if they could produce offspring


nlolhere

I also find it funny how it has more views than the entire population of Earth. So there’s a bunch of kids that are just listening to that OVER and OVER. I can see why honestly


-photoshopflowey-

Nah, it's because alien kids also watch that


press_F13

All I want for Christmas is shark


5AgXMPES2fU2pTAolLAn

That song is fine


b00m

> ~~fine~~ fire


UndeadKurtCobain

Vore?


vhexs

Sure why not


cubbyfanboy

Fun shark facts for the whole family


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[deleted]

The whole family is now just one shark pup.


MilkChocolateMadness

They should’ve ended the second sentence with Womb womb womb womb womb womb


Mediocremon

If you force it a little you can definitely fit the rest to the melody anyway.


Valefor_Helel

That would've been too much. Shut up, you're not funny.


MilkChocolateMadness

Well that’s not very nice


Valefor_Helel

I feel bad now, I'm sorry, but you're still not funny. At all.


MilkChocolateMadness

Once you accept how cringe you are, you become free


tvnr

So much rage


NevGuy

Brother shar-, oh nevermind.


henrywrm

Baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo Carnivorous in the woo ooo ooo ooo ooo oomb First pup will eat its bro oh oh oh oh ohs


SockTacoz

As a parent I have PTSD flashbacks to babyshark


SignalGe

I had a haircut yesterday and there was a kid screeching at the top of her lungs the entire time while the mom just showed her baby shark on her phone and did nothing to help Is this what parenting has become?


Prielknaap

I mean there has always been and will always be that type of parenting, people just don't notice it when there is textbook parenting going on.


Rockerblocker

It’s definitely getting worse because parents can just hand their kid their tablet to shut them up for literally unlimited time. 30 years ago toys weren’t nearly as engaging for that long, and many toys involved doing things other than sitting there staring at a screen. Kids back then could be playing while still annoying everyone else around (hot wheels, toy guns, etc.)


TikiBananiki

Omg don’t ya just wanna go over and start parenting the kid yourself? I’m like “christ if you won’t meet your child’s needs, I will. Anything so they stop”. Pretty much any kid in stores having upset moments I feel a strong compulsion to just ask what’s wrong and spend 10 minutes with em. **is this mothering instincts?**


GeometryNacho

i feel that all the time, might be, i dunno


MarkAbe412

Yes


SockTacoz

For me and my family no, whever we were too tired to watch our kid we'd put babyshark on the TV for her. But as far as in public we don't encourage it. We cut our daughter off and she started begging for babyshark like it was crack.


Username_Taken46

I read this post, and it's back in my head again


rnrsr

Not just carnivorous, but cannibals.


Bups34

Somebody call the cops on this illegal abortion


derechagav

Happens with humans too. Twins in the womb but one absorbs/consumes the other. Potentially becoming a criminal before even taking its first breath


duckonar0ll

holy shit does this baby know about US law and regulations 🤬🤬


YourOneWayStreet

Yeah, and the damn libtards will claim they aren't actually sharks yet when plainly eating their siblings in utero proves that's where sharkness begins


HailHydraforce

*Hoshigaki Kisame has entered the chat


cubbyfanboy

The realest g in all the lands


JBlaze94

To sharks all the others are food to be eaten, starting today you are a member of the akatsuki and my companion, so be wary of me...


yuyu_hakusho_

I was looking for this comment lol


TheLastHeroHere

I'm tired and read it as "Shrek embryos".


Romi_Z

🗿


Temporary_Advice_847

Yep. The last one alive, wins the sea!


smokelzax

article by dee dee mega doo doo


SolTherin

Jamie Tartt doo doo doodoo doodoo


FilthyTexas

This is for sand tiger sharks not (real) tiger sharks. Different species and appearance.


__BIFF__

What does it mean that I'm 37 and have never heard this song. I know it's some sort of song. Obviously I have no friends and work too much and only spendy time consuming media I like. Is it just some song that people with kids know about?


Robotguy39

Baby shark do do do do do


Jramo926

Anyone else do the jaws version instead of baby shark. Lol


Stock_Hutz

Yummy shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo


OddSemantics

This is kinda hilarious to be fair


Dark_Lord_Jar

That's what this sub is. Comedy that's so bad, it's good


Flinnnx

Oh dear


AdmiralCrackbar11

Sharks playing the irl Battle Royale game


Please_read_sidebar

Somehow it made this gruesome fact, cute...


swisio

Oh come on, they could have at least matched the words so they fit with the tune! Infuriating


TheUruz

there's an extra "doo" in the title. that grinds my gears.


wutwutjbut

No there isn't, do you even listen to it 30x daily?


beelzeflub

It’s doublets!


adrianraf

o shit thats gawr gura


Paracausality

Why the doos?


gooberfishie

Just Google baby shark


AfolfsPetCrab

He was clean! One of the rare untouched by the baby shark. How could you doo doo doo doo doo this?


liandrin

It’s a kids song


Electrox7

You say that like kids had ever even asked for the song. They don't want that. Kids renounce all claims to that godawful song.


PlebBot69

I'll probably get banned for this, but this sub's mods allow the weirdest shit nowadays


mecahen

Yeah I was gonna say, this doesn't fit the sub at all, it's just a joke the writer put in intentionally, and it's slightly funny


SlipperyWetDogNose

So bad, it’s ascended. I’m not a regular but that tagline fits, IMO


mecahen

It's not "so bad it ascended" it's like a 6/10 joke, incredibly run of the mill and not at all "so bad it's good" so to speak I guess that's just a difference of opinion tho


SignalGe

I figured the absurdity of the juxtaposition between a children's song and shark infanticide was not the intended humour therefore, there is * attempted humour * attempted humour is terrible * new humour is thus created * this new humour was not intended by the author * new humour is so juvenile to be "so bad, it's good" So it fits perfectly :)


Gengar_49

better than adactylidium mites


Vibez27

Actually makes a lot of sense, because it has no natural enemies. A perfect way of keeping the balance in their numbers. If humans did that, there would be enough resources for everyone.


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Robotguy39

Oh hey it’s the subreddit that I’m queen of. What about it.


tvnr

…Hello, yes. I believe this post ^ belongs here, unless I misinterpret what r/comedyhell is about.


Robotguy39

Comedyhell is just comedyheaven without the mods. If a post fits comedyheaven, it fits comedyhell, but not necessarily the other way around.


tvnr

That seems a bit counterintuitive, but I guess that’s a strike against me. My mistake. Reddit isn’t my forte apparently.


jaycliche

This is why florida sharks will now be arrested at birth for abortion.


Flashy-Category-8069

I read that in the beat of the song


MisanthropeInLove

DON'T google a video of this. It's very gross.


ScarletString13

I still enjoy my morbid fascination of this all thanks to shark documentaries. Also used this a few times to traumatize others through facebook


Pahlkus

so it's a battle royale ?


Secure-Imagination11

Or as my 3yo nephew says "Baby shark doodle doodle doodle doo"


DrLove1023

First baby shark and now you lost the game


Peoplearestrang

Literally only knew this because of Naruto, Kisame tells this fact.


T-Sonus

GOP are gonna be PISSED!


therealazores

We're not so different after all


Mefarius

I don't remember that verse


azzanrev

So with all this abortion talk, if life begins at conception, what do we do when someone is pregnant with twins and one of the human embryos/baby's/things "consumes" the twin? Do we consider it murder?


azzanrev

This is something that actually happens btw.


General_Lanshu

The death penalty is the only way for justice to be served for such a heinous crime.


Baby_goat_666

Baby goat do doo do doo doo doo. Why don’t mammals do cool thunder dome shit like this? Maybe I wouldn’t be such a pussy if I had to fight off 9 siblings to the death all before my 9th month of life


Gregory_Burgundy

they born hungy


GeometryNacho

Poor guy just getting bored at job


-Novowels-

W..what are you doing step-shark?


Morningstar2126

Rules Of Nature!


W0lfPix3l

Well it's not baby sharkS for a reason


EwesDead

To stop the baby share song sing "so long and thanks for all the fish". Instant silence


Blastproof

Fuck Reddit. This is mindless bullshit.


Robotguy39

Definition: Social media. Noun. Mindless Bullshit.


HeartShapedSea

It's called ovophagy.


MarionberryLopsided7

So the survivor should be arrested and charged with the murder of all their siblings in the womb.


whosmellslikewetfeet

*already ate its siblings


redditapi_botpract

This is actually a lyric in a cal scruby song lmao https://youtu.be/vn17c274U5E?t=71


ospfpacket

F those sharks and their stupid song. Get a real song, like one with a blue dog and some clues.


MasterCrouton

Just when you think you’ve pushed the knowledge of that awful catchy song out of your memory… We used to sing it with different swear words at work: *You’re a* (insert swear word) *do do do do doo*


llcdrewtaylor

Not in the USA they can't! The supreme court has laws for that!


ChewbaccaFuzball

You call them brothers, I call them breakfast


AstridRambeau

“If my mum can’t get an abortion I’ll do it for her”


NoAct77

I read this as David Attenborough


darkkite

supreme court not going to like that


WiseBlindDragon

Some baby shark do do do do do do eat each other


bongowasd

You fools, it was never a happy doo doo. It was in fact, the Jaws doo doo!


wes741

Thank you kisame


mop-116

Aren't they passed the embryo stage when they start doing that?


Freaky_tah

Yes. The term is ovoviviparous and the eggs hatch inside the womb.


mop-116

I can't help but feel like there's a slight agenda with this post trying to make you picture a developed creature with the word embryo.


Mykeewhodat27

Breaking News: Conservatives to sue all sharks for killing embryos


md24

If it hatched, its not an embryo. Baby shark eats embryos*


GezinhaDM

But have they heard of the recent SCOUTS ruling? We must inform them!


sadhukar

Jamie Tart do-do-do-do-doo-do


Tracy_meh2117

Shouldn't the words now change to baby shark nom nom nom nom nom nom ??


WhatHappened2WinWin

On behalf of all Whale Sharks worldwide I denounce you!


Shitbag22

I can’t be the only one who read womb and went “wooomb womb womb womb womb”


balrus-balrogwalrus

Now we know why the song doesn't mention a brother shark or sister shark.


Big_Argument_2651

Don't let the religious right find out!!!


severedtesticle3

What sort of shit is that? Chilling in shark womb and your brother eats you


josabigbitch

don't humans also do this or do i misunderstand it?


Koffeekage

I wonder if they can get sued for this.


vizthex

GET OUT OF MY HEAD


oceanknit

Even sharks are giving access to abortions and we’re out here overturning Roe


Putridzzz

Spawn Keeping.


chunli99

I’m a little confused. Don’t sharks lay eggs? I’ve seen them in the water. Maybe not all sharks, but I’m confused as to which sharks do and which don’t and if there’s nefarious things that happen with the egg-laid ones.