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IndianaNetworkAdmin

If he feels she's not a kid, he could have easily said "I have a 15 year old daughter. She is almost out of the house and very independent. Would you be willing to consider a relationship - If not now, when she's at a level of independence that you would accept? I absolutely do not want more children." Instead, he lied to you and then tried to justify it in a way to gaslight you into thinking it's your fault for not being more clear, in spite of you having a very specific line in the sand. In the future, I guess you have to ask "Do you have any biological offspring or humans for whom you share any responsibility, financial or otherwise?"


WholeBeefOxtail

Exactly. He held back the information because he knows it's a deal breaker. The thought of him not thinking to tell you because she's a teen would be laughable if he wasn't wasting CF people's lives like this.


Obvious_Explorer90

>If he feels she's not a kid, he could have easily said "I have a 15 year old daughter. She is almost out of the house and very independent. Would you be willing to consider a relationship - If not now, when she's at a level of independence that you would accept? I absolutely do not want more children." How do y'all have this figured out, but he doesn't?! Your entire comment is perfect.


RareKazDewMelon

>How do y'all have this figured out, but he doesn't?! Because he **does** have it figured out. Dudes like this lie, lie, and lie some more. Having a whole kid with him wasn't a good enough reason to stay for the last woman. You played it smart, good save.


Obvious_Explorer90

You're correct about that one. He knew what he was doing.


HoursOfCuddles

exactly, at this point just be an asshole back lol!


Jy_sunny

Jesus, and he plans to kick her out at 18 in this economy.


ksarahsarah27

He could be naïve to think she’ll be gone at 18 or figures the old- *Once she meets her and they get along it will be a non issue.* ie: she’ll change her mind


Turn_The_Pages

What an absolute douche wasting your time like that. It's super shitty to lie about that, for you and also for his daughter. Imagine growing up with a father who lies about your existence so he can get laid. You dodged a bullet there


Obvious_Explorer90

But he didn't lie....she's not a child....she's a teenager 🙄


Turn_The_Pages

Master of Loopholes, that one. A real fox


anniebarlow

Imagine the amount of lies hidden behind loopholes this guy does? While I agree she's not a child anymore, she's still his child, she'll be 50 and she'll still be his child. He just may be too dense anyway, good thing you got out.


lirannl

And he could've said "no, but I have a teenage daughter", that would both cover her not being a child, and still being his descendant.


schlongtheta

If he had an actual adult child he could have said, for example: "I have one and only one child, a daughter, she is 26, happily married and living on her own. She visits every now and then but she is entirely her own person. I hope that's ok." But a 15 year old. That's a *child*.


Drunk_Sorting_Hat

He didn't do that because he was trying to avoid telling the truth... i.e. he was lying


RedditUser123234

“I didn’t sleep with my coworker, I swear… yes I had sex with her, but I didn’t lie since I never slept with her. I left right after and didn’t fall asleep”


Shufflebuzz

"And I was wearing a condom, so technically I didn't even touch her."


lirannl

I'm just imagining straight people having sex like starfish arched backwards, ensuring THE ONLY CONTACT is between penis and vagina


kira_earthling

Hold on... There are other ways to do it?!


lirannl

Yes, don't involve penises 🥰 Fingering, anyone?


CrazyIrishWitch

No. I like better the one that says:. "it was an accident!"


pinkyhc

Ah yes, we love a lie by omission. So attractive when they double down and tell you they didn't lie they just didn't tell you the truth. You dodged a whole idiot here.


mischiffmaker

As my mother explained to me over and over: You will always be my child. I will always be your mother. Age does not define the parent-child relationship. Based on his weaseling, I'd bet he's not a particularly great father, either.


GirlGamer7

yep my parents say the same thing.


DiversMum

My grandparents have a 69 year old son, and 65 and 62 year old daughters and still say they have three kids. This guy is such an ass


omxnn

Especially since he considers a 15yo to be "out of his hair soon"


orangecookiez

I'm in my early 50's and my 70-something mom still sends gift cards and care packages for no reason at all. I'll still be her baby until the day she dies.


ZiyalAthena2007

I am an adult, but I am still my parent’s child. (Insert eye roll)


MerryJanne

By his reasoning, "so I should have asked if you have any adults?" How... strange. Or maybe, "do you have any offspring?" Breaking the spirit of the question over piddling over exact language is a huge red flag.


MerryJanne

>he reveals he has a 15 year old daughter full-time. Also this! She isn't a weekend visit kid, he is her **FULL-TIME** parent. The cognitive dissidence this dude went through to fool you into dating him. Wow.


CasualDefiance

In case you're interested, it's "dissonance." And seriously. That poor kid, too.


lirannl

Even if she was though, when asking this clearly, that's no excuse. If you ever have any custody over a child, including in the past, you mention it. She didn't ask right away, and didn't ask too early.


MoonShine711

Right? Like dude i asked if u had kids. U knew EXACTLY what i meant. Dont play dumb.


PristinePrinciple752

Has your sperm ever merged with an egg and resulted in a living being?


curious011

OMG I coughing I'm laughing so hard at this one 🤣🤣🤣


LookingforDay

I mean, maybe he thought you meant kids as in baby goats? That would follow the same stupid fucking logic.


Obvious_Explorer90

Let me be clear, if by kids you mean goats, HELL YES WE'RE DATING. Goat parkour is adorable. Human children? Oh God, no thanks. 🤣


NoodleFigure

"Yes, I'll be up front and say I do have several kids. But they live in their own barn and fenced-in area, and they spend most of their time doing parkour, so they shouldn't interfere with us too much." "WHEN CAN I MEET THEM"


Obvious_Explorer90

![gif](giphy|1GwQCU36RRMQ0) Toats McGoats we're a couple now! 🤣


GifsNotJifs

​ ![gif](giphy|9IP83rcBmAYWZrO2JP)


LookingforDay

Oh fuck yes me too. Come over and meet my kids- and he has goats! It’s ON! Seriously though. What a douche.


megallday

The "out of my house soon" part bugs me, too. Is he that delusional that parental responsibility evaporates at 18? She's just going to pack her things and vanish, eh?


Yourstruly0

In THIS economy? You can’t even use college as a reliable way to ship the kids out at 18 anymore in the age of COVID.


MoonChaser22

Even then, the amount of my friend who went back to parents place/home town upon finishing uni. My housemate and I decided to keep living together because that wasn't an option for both of us so equally reliant on each other for housing


Obvious_Explorer90

Apparently so. I don't understand that mentality.


ZaraMikazuki

The worst part is that there are lot of women out there who don't want to have kids or take care of young kids, but are fine with a mostly-grown teenager that they don't have to mind after. To be honest, those types are probably easier to find than total CF people. So how hard is it to find one of them and leave total CF people alone?


countzeroinc

The thing they fail to consider is how expensive grown children can be, many teens don't leave home at 18, and a teenager is going to have a strong and sometimes hostile opinion on their parents dating life. Even if the kid is a cool buddy type I have to admit I am selfish and don't want anything draining our financial resources as a couple if I decide to get serious with someone. And that's ok.


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Naixee

i love your flair


shamelessNnameless

This right here. I don't want anyone else's drama or needs coming before my partner's needs and mine. "She's going to be driving soon". Translates to: "I'll be financially drained paying for 2 vehicles so paying for dates and groceries will be on YOU for awhile!" "I have an adult daughter" Translates to "I'll be having expensive ass grandkids sooner than later I'll be expected to watch and spoil and financially break myself over. "I have a son in college. He doesn't need me anymore" Translates to "My son dropped out of college and has to move back in with me for awhile. It won't be for a long time" *Turns into 4 years*..."My kids live 2 thousand miles away in California with their mother they're a non-issue." Translates into: "My children's mother passed away suddenly and now they have to come live with me." These people just don't get it. May sound morbid but the only way I'd ever date a dad is if he had a child that died in the past because having a living breathing offspring can and will ALWAYS come back to bite you in the ass.


countzeroinc

Ugh I'm embarrassed to admit how much money my dad had to shell out between me and my 3 sisters. College, cars, jails and drug rehabs (that was me lol), weddings, my sisters kids, bad boyfriend situations, you name it. Parenting. Never. Ends.


CallidoraBlack

Sounds like the guys who say they're not pedophiles because they're screwing high school freshmen. 🤦‍♀️ You're still a pervert and a criminal, bud.


Obvious_Explorer90

Precisely. *Shudder*


lirannl

Do they not understand that the problem with pedophilia is the inability to clearly consent rather than the puberty? Like, if you wanted to have sex with a 20 year old that somehow hasn't gone through puberty (intersex variation or something?), and they earnestly consent, knock yourself out. If you want to *roleplay as* a parent and child/baby WITH AN ADULT, have fun. Not my thing but it's all consentual no matter how far you take the roleplay.


AXXII_wreckless

Sounds like us CF a folk will have to ask “Are you a (father/mother/parent)?” instead if they want to get around on loopholes knowing damn well you omitted the truth.


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Obvious_Explorer90

You're right. I liars are my kink, and refusing to date them gets me so hot. I'd rather it come to head now than in a year or two. A reminder to date slow, and always be willing to leave.


LadyGreyIcedTea

My brothers and I are 33, 36 and 37 and I'm pretty sure my mother would still answer "yes" if someone asked her "do you have children?" Actually when she had a party with her cousins earlier this year at her house none of us were invited because "no kids." Seriously. 🙄


the_agent_of_blight

The Obi-Wan defense


TheDarklingThrush

Ok, he doesn’t have a ‘child’, but he has a daughter…teenager or not, she’s still his! Same difference, and he knew what you meant. It’s a loophole that doesn’t even make sense. I wonder what other things he’d of tried to sneak by you as a loophole if you’d stuck around to find out. He’s just shown himself as fundamentally sneaky and dishonest. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t let women meet the daughter right away, you should have known about her existence from the get-go. And even once she’s out of the house, it’s not like she’ll cease to exist. Young adults still require lots of time, attention, and money.


Obvious_Explorer90

Right. That was my thinking too. Like, if you're actually looking for an honest, loving relationship WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT STUFF LIKE THIS?!


AquaScope

I’m not cheating….right now, but I have cheated on you in the past 😂


Aperture0Science

She must love that her dad goes to gymnastics with her...unless he's only into the mental kind.


Drunk_Sorting_Hat

"I didn't lie, I don't have AIDS, I have HIV"


BikingAimz

Might edit the framing of your question in the future: Do you have any offspring, fruit of your loins, of any age, acknowledged or unacknowledged, wandering the earth currently, and/or do you have any desire to have kids in the future? Leave out the bit about not dating anyone with said offspring or desires. Men will pull amazing bullshit lies if they know your actual stance on kids, and are more likely to let it slip if they’re not actively trying to hide them. But the fact he hid his daughter from you *from the start* shows what a slippery lying asshole he is! Block and move on!


Obvious_Explorer90

Ohhhhh. I like how you worded that question. I'm gonna save that one. Also good advice, I really need to stop being so openly CF. 😅


BikingAimz

I’m a big fan of open-ended questions. After college (a few decades ago), I picked up a second job as a way to make extra money for traveling (the job I had had 4 1/2 weeks of paid vacation but the wages sucked). It was assembling bikes for a bike shop. The last interview question my future boss asked, was “How do you feel about a drug test? Could you pass one?” I was like, I could maybe pass, but it’s a *bike shop*, doesn’t smoking weed come with the territory? Turns out he asked every potential employee the question to find out who he could light up with.


tashibum

That's awesome haha


No_Bear_No

Maybe more like "have you ever intentionally or accidentally created another human that is currently breathing oxygen on this planet?"


BeastKingSnowLion

Wouldn't that also filter out mad scientists that successfully performed human cloning experiments or created Frankenstein-type creatures?


TotalCuntrol

>My response: But you told me you didn't have children. He says: I don't. She's not a child anymore. She's a teenager who will be out of my house soon I find it funny how people try to find all sorts of loopholes when it comes to saying whether or not they have children. Also, 15 years old is way too young to consider someone as 'almost an adult' IMO


Stamen_Pics

Too bad we have a to of humans who think that's not true. It's gross and no surprise why pedophilia is so fucking common.


RearEchelon

"Have you ever procreated?"


schecter_

>Do you have any offspring, fruit of your loins, of any age, acknowledged or unacknowledged, wandering the earth currently, and/or do you have any desire to have kids in the future? I couldn't say that with a straight face.


blehe38

"Have you ever caused someone to give birth? Do you want to?"


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BikingAimz

I’ve talked with guys who don’t consider themselves a parent because they have a child they pay child support for but have no contact with.


Own-Emergency2166

Being a shitty parent is still a parent tho


HufflepuffDaddy

I don't know about that one. There are a lot of people with kids who could truthfully answer no to that question haha


countzeroinc

Deadbeat dads have a tendency not to assign that label to themselves. God I hate the whole "baby mama/daddy " culture where people kind of dehumanize their ex using language that conveys they had nothing to do with the situation.


KatMagus

They’re going to lie regardless. It’s all about getting another bangmaid/replacement mom for their kid.


tiny222

"Fruit of your loins" I can't- XD


painsomnia

"Relationships are built on trust. I'm not interested in building a relationship with someone who thinks it's okay to lie to me about his offspring in order to manipulate me into said relationship. You've shown me who you are and I want nothing more to do with you."


niceanddizzy

Seconding this. The kid is no longer the dealbreaker. This person has revealed they're dishonest (and seemingly have no qualms with that), and doesn't respect others' boundaries/right to choose how they live their life. He's basically like "Oh, you don't want to date someone with children? Well, I think that's unreasonable. So I'm going to ignore it until you find out I have a kid, and then I think *you* should change your mind to allow *me* to date you (because what matters here is that I get what I want)." OP, run. These are the kinds of people who covertly remove the condom in the middle of sex. You can't even trust now that he won't want more kids in the future.


Obvious_Explorer90

Oh I ran like Usain Bolt. He doesn't know where I live or work either.


tacosRpeople2

You do you. If he lied about that huge detail of his life. Just imagine what else he lied about.


Obvious_Explorer90

My thoughts exactly.


EskimoB9

If its the kid he lied about now, how do you know his "ex wife" isn't actually still married to her, and he just "works out of town" during the week type of thing. I know it sounds like a TV story but it could have happened at one point like, people are bastards sometimes


Obvious_Explorer90

Also a fantastic point. And a year later, we're on the Maury show trying to figure out if all 12 of these kids are really his. 🤣


EskimoB9

You sir, are the parent to all of these kids, what do you say? "ehhhhhh, they're all over 15, so they're actually nearly adults, and some are adults" nah fuck that for a game of soldiers like 😂


aubreypizza

It’s def happened. I actually know a woman whose dad had a 2nd whole family. Fucked up AF!


[deleted]

Exactly. He knew perfectly well what OP meant when she asked if he had kids. He deliberately deceived her. And yes, I get single parents not wanting their new flames to meet the kids until they know each other better, but that doesn't mean you don't tell new flame about existing kid(s). Lie=bye-bye in my book.


JoeyJoeJoeJrShab

This exactly. If I were in OP's place, I'd say the fact he has a kid is no longer the most important detail. The most important detail is that he told a very large lie to a potential partner, AND that he is refusing to own up to it. Maybe he meant well. Maybe he really is a nice guy. But then again, maybe not. All we know for sure is that he is a liar. And since he clearly has no problem with this lie, it's quite possible he has others.


ChristieFox

How can you mean this well tho? Not wanting her to meet his new potential girlfriend is one thing I can absolutely understand. That's a good decision. But not even telling he has a person he is directly or indirectly caring for? Because let's not kid ourselves, people *know* that's what you mean when you say kids. People don't say "Oh no, I have a teenager, that's something completely different than having a child" because while it is different, what people ask when they ask whether you have a kid is "Did you accept responsibility over another person by pregnancy or adoption?". Come on, he knows he "didn't mean well".


JoeyJoeJoeJrShab

I was speaking *very* hypothetically. The point I'm making is, even if he *somehow* had good reason for saying what he did (even though I can't think of any), the fact that he most definitely told a lie makes me *even more* doubtful.


iDuskk

"Im great with money, I owe 20,000 in credit card debt but I ALWAYS make that minimum payment so im really responsible!"


papabear570

“I don’t think my lying should stop what we have going”. I’m sure you don’t douche bag.


Obvious_Explorer90

Next thing he'll reveal: He's actually a body snatcher from Mars. But I should accept that, right? 🤣


KnightofForestsWild

In the spirit of open-mindedness and all that... I might go for a Martian body snatcher over a liar. At least you know, right?


Obvious_Explorer90

Or a Xenomorph. At least you know what you're getting into.


BeastKingSnowLion

Xenomorphs tend to be breeders though. Rather vicious ones.


Obvious_Explorer90

Still more honest than this guy 🤣


limbodog

"You're not even gonna give us a chance?" Motherfucker, you \*had\* a chance and you blew it by deciding to lie!


SprinkledMuffin

What could he explain in person that he didn’t already say? 😒


Obvious_Explorer90

My exact question. What more do you need to say? We're done here.


SprinkledMuffin

And then the dude has the AUDACITY to say you’re being unreasonable??? Even tho he’s the unreasonable because HE LIED FROM DAY ONE???? Thinking he’s slick being like oh well she’s not a child???? Get the fuck outta here dude


nonacrina

My guess would be he wants to manipulate and/or gaslight you; easier to do in person. I’ve read stories here multiple times of romantic interests lying about having kids, then trying to put it on the CF person, saying they “hate kids” and “are terrible people”. Hella gross


ThrowRAmovingguitars

"You hate kids and are a terrible person" "Yes, I am. I'm sure you don't want to date a terrible person like me" "That's not the response I wanted"


lafilledelaforet

"But I wanted to tell you in person that you are unreasonable and that you having standards is clearly unfair"


Lord_of_Allusions

Well, it's so much harder to badger someone into submission when they can just block your number and never hear from you again. It's way easier to wear someone's defenses down face-to-face because it's harder to just leave without them following you or yelling or whatever. That's why whenever you see or hear the phrase, "we need to meet in person so I can explain", you RUN. The only thing that person plans on doing is some amateur psychological torture. You hear someone repeat some inanity with complete confidence over and over, you are going to start doubting your own thoughts and think "Well...maybe I am being unreasonable." It's basically the timeshare sales tactic.


Obvious_Explorer90

Great point. Yeah, it's a No from me dawg. Unless we've been in a relationship and are ending it, there's no reason to meet F2F to dump a guy I wasn't even with. He's still basically a stranger.


shawnwright663

He flat out lied to you and you’re being “unreasonable“?!? What a jack\*ss. There is no explanation - in person or otherwise - that can explain this away. I’m sorry he did that to you - there’s no excuse.


nytropy

That mental gymnastics would get him into the Olympics if that were a sport. Sheesh


Obvious_Explorer90

He gets the Silver Medal 🥈 for that performance. His dismount and stick was spectacular!


EmilyKaldwins

Well it's not just all the fantastic points everyone else brought up, but the implications too that he's a shitty dad! 'Oh so once your kid is out of the house you're no longer going to be in their life?' is what he's saying here. That the kid doesn't matter/grandkids/etc etc. It's not just about a living situation. The only reason I'd even let him talk would be just to understand the logic behind this whole thing. Like, being previously married with a custody agreement IS something you should tell. You can be honest and still not have the person meet the kid.


Obvious_Explorer90

>The only reason I'd even let him talk would be just to understand the logic behind this whole thing. Like, being previously married with a custody agreement IS something you should tell. You can be honest and still not have the person meet the kid. This is the only reason I let people "justify" themselves. Doesn't mean my mind is gonna change. 🤷🏽‍♀️


EmilyKaldwins

💯


MetalCymru

You did exactly what I would do, and got the fuck out of there!


BanjaxedMini

A teenager is a child. You're either legally an adult, or legally a child. And even then, they are still someone's child. What a stupid loophole for him to try and invent. I would not meet with him in person, he seems dishonest at best and violently entitled at worst.


nonacrina

Agreed, and 15 yo isn’t even a “gray area” on whether or not someone is a child. Imo, if for example my dad said he didn’t have children, it would be believable he misunderstood the question, as his kids are 22 and 18, and don’t live with him. A 15 year old that lives under your roof DEFINITELY falls under the “do you have children” question.


Obvious_Explorer90

Oh yeah, there's no way we're meeting again. I also thought the weird way he insinuated I'd be at his house all weekend was a major red flag for me. If that was his way of saying "We're gonna sleep together this weekend," yikes, I dodged a huge bullet.


dethmaul

Eh, to me that reads 'we have the freedom to do whatever we want and won't be interrupted. Stay over, or come back tomorrow, or go out, whatever.'


Obvious_Explorer90

You could be right about that as well. His wording was a bit off to me 🤷🏽‍♀️


Phaisandii

god, what a liar and an idiot. You were very gracious about it - I'd've just cut off all contact after he mentioned the words 'daughter'.


Obvious_Explorer90

Part of that was me trying to understand the "logic" behind why they do this shit so I can pick up on it easier in the future. But oh, we were done the minute he said it. Same goes if a guy lies about similar things that I consider dealbreakers. It's an automatic Done.


Phaisandii

Ahhh I see why you did it, that's very clever! Thank you for posting your experience here, because it's definitely helped me!


VaginaGoblin

"The fact that you pretended your daughter didn't exist just so you could get some sex speaks volumes about your character, and how much you actually care about her." is what I would text back to him after he asked you to reconsider.


reylomeansbalance

>He's already texted me asking to reconsider because I'm being unreasonable and wants to explain himself to me in person. Block and delete. He doesnt get to be in your life.


Obvious_Explorer90

Yep. There's no way to "explain" that away. I don't even maintain friendships with people who I know that lie like that (my own sister does it).


Lenithriel

Honestly there's nothing you can really do to avoid a situation in which you ask straight up if someone has kids and they lie to your face about it for months. Unless you wanna go through life never believing people when they answer your questions. This guy is a piece of shit, and I'm glad you didn't waste another second on him.


[deleted]

“She’s 15, she’s not a child” Bruh... she’s still a child. How tf can he go around saying that? I bet you that will be his excuse if he finds out his daughter was sexually assaulted. Props to you for dumping this dude.


MysticalOversoul

Bruh block that liar immediately!! I’m so sorry he wasted your time. I’ve never encountered a guy who lied about having kids thankfully


Obvious_Explorer90

Not a huge deal. Other men exist, and I have a few of their numbers 🤣


sushi_sunflowers

Him trying to get around using “she’s not a child” is so incredibly disrespectful that even if you did want kids, the way he lied and hid that information is still disrespectful and a red flag.


Obvious_Explorer90

Exactly. Even if I wanted kids, or to be a stepparent, I'd still run screaming.


bunnyrut

Not only does he lie to you, but he disrespects and insults his child by denying her existence. If I found out one of my divorced parents lied about me I would be *pissed.* That just tells me that my parents are willing to cast me aside when a new fling comes along.


BornOnFeb2nd

>She's a teenager who will be out of my house soon. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! [gasp] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!


TheOldPug

In this economy? Riiiiiight.


tinybluebutterfly

Yeah this guy is in for a rude awakening! Lmao!


Obvious_Explorer90

That's what I thought too.


DonDove

Was he in a coma for 30 years? Is that why he said that? (Geniune question)


NeemaMlozi

I absolutely understand not wanting the person you've just started dating to meet your child before you know if it could be more serious. But lying to the person you're dating about your child's very existence is completely unacceptable. Also, it kinda sounds like he's written his daughter off at 15 years old. Wonder how she'd feel about hearing that.


Obvious_Explorer90

Precisely my point through all of this. I completely understand and support not allowing just any potential partner to meet your kids, but lying about their existence? That's just garbage.


KatFennec

If she's fifteen, she could end up having children herself, within a decade. If you chose to keep seeing the man, perhaps even got serious enough to move in with him, what would you do when his grandkids visit?


littlemissmoxie

Must have been nice for him to pretend he was an unattached bachelor for 3 months. At the expense of wasting your time and energy.


Obvious_Explorer90

Oh I bet. I can only imagine the lies he has told to other women.


amalthea5

It also sounds pretty sus that he is basically trying to write off his kid and like she will be nothing to him once she hits 18. That's a big red flag for me too.


harbinger06

“You’re not even going to give us a chance?” Uh, she DID give you a chance and you blew it. Why is it when we break things off they always say this? Give you *another* chance you mean.


Eiraxy

Ew, he's one of those "parenthood lasts 18 yrs" bunch


TigerDLX

Similar situation actually. I was dating this beautiful woman, both of us were recently divorced. I asked about her having kids, said she had none. About 2 months later I met her out somewhere for some reason that was the first time I had seen her car. Her car had handicapped plates on it. She obviously wasn’t disabled so I asked her about them. Answer I need them for my son who is impaired, I would like you to meet him soon. Noped out of there blocked her number and email last time we spoke


Obvious_Explorer90

Oh wow. Dick move on her part. Sorry you had to deal with this too.


TigerDLX

Thank you. I’ll understand how people think dropping a bomb like that is ok


Obvious_Explorer90

I will never understand it. If you want a loving, long-term relationship with someone, why lie about stuff like this?! Lots of people have kids of varying ages, it's not uncommon to be divorced either. Why lie about it? You know what's attractive? Honesty and integrity.


ZoiSarah

Same thing happened to me!! We went on a few dates and he said he didn't have kids. He had been married before and raised his now ex wife's kid from a young age who considered him dad. But she wasn't technically his on paper and "wasn't looking for a mom". It's some shady shit parents try to pull over CFs Byeeeee


Homeless_Joe111

That logic hurts my brain, like when people turn 18 do they no longer have parents too?


theambears

I feel so bad for child free people dating. :( I’m lucky and my partner and I are 100% on the same page. One thing that really irks me with these stories is how the lying date is so short sighted. “Oh well she’s not a “kid” technically” So? They’re likely still going to be a part of their life? Are they helping pay for college? Finding a house? There’s a lot more to someone’s request to date child-free than just being around a child. There’s a lot of social, emotional, and financial responsibility with children.


doesntmatter_much

"I don't date fathers." Would he try to lie through that one.


Keaoa

I really hate the “but I don’t have full custody”, “they’re barely in my house”, “they’re already grown” excuses. It’s never just “well you’ll never see them/have to do anything”. There’s always something that pops up. They have to go to dance recitals/sporting events, they need a ride/money, “can’t you just watch them this one time” and it’s never just that one time. Then having to deal with the ex or even worse- the ex’s parents. So much drama. Then of course down the line, what if his kid has their own kids? Then you have to worry about being roped into watching those children, giving them money, and before you know it, your retirement consists of changing diapers, cleaning up puke, and not having enough money to do what you want. What if his kid dies? Are you gonna be stuck with custody of the grandkids? I would rather be alone than chance having to deal with any of that bullshit.


Obvious_Explorer90

Exactly. The mentality of "parenting ends at 18" is just weird. My parents are now grandparents and are still actively involved in our lives, just in a different context than when we were young.


is76

Dear god 🙄


[deleted]

trauma unlocked for the kid too lol. imagine ur dad talks so little about u like that


Obvious_Explorer90

I would be devastated, even as an adult, to find out my parents don't even acknowledge that I exist in their lives to the outside world. We have great relationships, so it would hurt that much more.


Downtown-Command-295

Semantics don't help in a situation like this (or in most situations). "TEEEEECHnically, she's not a child," isn't going to fly because there's no telling what else he's going to 'technically' about. The only thing I can think of is to clarify your question by saying 'offspring', seems to close the loophole.


peachy_breathy

LOL. "She's in driver's ed right now." HAHAHAHHAHA. (Sorry, OP, I truly am outraged and feel for you...but OMFG. Is this POS for real????)


Snoo33903

Been there. Had a guy hide his three kids from me for six months. You pretty much have to do a background check these days to know for sure whether or not someone has kids.


Roux_Harbour

I feel bad for his daughter for having a father who a) pretends she doesn't exist to get laid and b) is walking around just waiting for her to leave at 18 like she's a bad rash to him O.O


throw_whey_protein

You couldn't have avoided this situation save for hiring a private investigator or Googling him extensively online. That was half serious, half sarcasm. You shouldn't need to do a formal background check on your significant other. He lied. So you walked. I'm glad you didn't give into his BS and "technicalities" of her being a teenager, not a child. If he continues to pester you, tell him that you didn't consider that you two were in a relationship. You were only friends. Make up your own definitions since that's what he's doing. Or better yet, block him 'please'.


Obvious_Explorer90

He's blocked already. I don't maintain friendships with anyone who lies like that. Considering my own dad wouldn't do that and never did with the women he dated/married, why would I date someone who will? Integrity matters.


Seldarin

To me that's even worse. Probably the biggest reason I'd never date someone with a kid or kids is because I don't want to deal with a teenager. From about 5-13 I can deal with most kids. From 0-5 and 13-18 is more than I can handle. Pre-5 they're basically uncontrollable without a massive amount of effort. 5-13 they're a person you can actually talk to and reason with. 13-18 that goes out the window you can't reason with them at all anymore.


Skrungebob

God help that girl with a father like that. It's like he doesn't consider her HIS child when she IS.


callabondulence

I’d say to him “You knew exactly what I meant when I asked if you had kids/children, and you decided to lie about it. If you can’t even be truthful about having your own flesh and blood I don’t want anything to do with you. Goodbye.”


T_Rash

You avoid the situation by telling him you gave him a chance and has been lying to you for months. You don't trust him and will never trust him. He lied to you from the beginning. He lied intentionally to manipulate you. He waited until he felt like you had feelings for him and would look past his lie.


experts_never_lie

Even if your offspring is 48 years old and living thousands of miles away as a tenured professor, yeah, you "have kids".


justanothereditor564

15 year olds are still children. They can be just as bad if not worse than toddlers. What a fucking dumbass.


[deleted]

What a dick.


PrincessDie123

“I was Open and honest with you from the get go and you lied to me from the get-go you have broken my trust and it’s not unreasonable for me to remove myself from the relationship”


nickyfox13

I don't understand the point of lying about something like this. It's a waste of both of your times, especially since you were very clear about your childfree status. There are bound to be women who are okay and even agreeable to wanting kids or being a stepparent.


bookaddict1991

Just because she’s a teen doesn’t make her not his child anymore. Like… I’m still my mom’s child even though I’m 30! Like seriously! I don’t understand his reasoning/logic with that one. 🤦🏻‍♀️


lions19809

Yes, exactly!


lovelyeufemia

He obviously will never respect or understand your CF status, but the fact that he lied to you about something so huge is the biggest deal-breaker of all, and it's wild that he can't see that. He knew *exactly* what you meant when you said you don't want to date someone with kids, make no mistake. He deliberately hid this from you, so how could you ever trust him? I'm sorry that he wasted a few months of your time!


w3llth1sbl0ws

ask him if he'd be okay if a twenty something tried to date her, if he thinks she's too young, then she's a kid, a child, his child and he has no right to act like he's protective of her when he doesnt even admit to having her apart of his life, as if he's ashamed of her, disowning her. his actions are disgusting ​ ​ for clarification, the point is she is too young to be dating a twenty something and he should be disgusted with the idea because she's still a kid/child, a child who's gone through puberty is still a child


dnungesser

No I would have been upset about the same thing. My girl friend dated a guy who had a 20 year old daughter and she didn’t work, didn’t clean, smoked pot all day and all night, and he would make excuses on her behalf. Plus she had to clean up after the daughter constantly. So she (the 20yo) was still mentally a child (and probably will be for the rest of her life)… no kids=NO KIDS! Sorry that he lied to you.


LadyGreyIcedTea

The question "do you have children?" clearly doesn't mean "do you have offspring under the age of 13?" It means "are you a parent?" He was intentionally being deceptive and fuck him.


Obvious_Explorer90

Yep. He has since been blocked. We did not meet up, and there was no chance he'd have changed my mind anyway.


BambooFatass

PROUD OF YOU! Stand your ground! That was problematic for a multitude of reasons. Lying is a huge red flag. BYE FELICIA! Sorry you have to look elsewhere after all that time and effort on your part, OP. Remember to never settle and keep your head held high :)


Interneth0e

Unrelated but Also why would anyone want to have more kids with someone else they meet when they already have a child themselves? That’s just gross. I’m sorry.


Personal-Dot-1289

15? Amost an adult? FUCK YOU!


atxcats

I might have considered dating someone with a child that was an adult or "almost an adult and they don't have primary custody" but his withholding that information from the beginning is an absolute nope. Being lied to is a dealbreaker - especially when he actually thinks that wasn't a lie.


Obvious_Explorer90

Exactly. He never gave me the options to consider, he just lied. Imagine what else he's willing to lie about.


imjustbrowsing96

He specifically used semantics to "not lie".


Obvious_Explorer90

And I specifically used my feet to "run away." ![gif](giphy|e1Lv6Gvd8bFFC)


Particular_Minute_67

Woo im glad im aromantic. Sorry to hear


majin_melmo

This is exactly what pedophiles would love to hear 🙄


Crabbacious

Many, many men will tell *whatever lie is necessary* to get a woman to have sex with them. This is, always has been and always will be the case. I'm glad he mentioned his daughter before you were alone w/him in his apartment. Some men don't handle rejection well at all and it could have been...dangerous for you.


Obvious_Explorer90

This is exactly why I date slowly. Until we've established some kind of exclusivity and trust, there will be no non-public outings at anyone's home. And even then, at the first deal-breaker I leave.


BobbyFan54

OMG. Honey you dodged a massive bullet In addition to him being a massive f’ing liar, you caught a glimpse as to what kind of father he is. He doesn’t consider himself a PARENT. “She’s almost an adult.” I can assure you, when I was 15, my dad was NOT thinking I was almost an adult lmao. Sorry he wasted your time, but I guess..I dunno, there’s a lesson there somewhere. But for him, not you. You’re not a got damn liar.


HR_Here_to_Help

Hell no. Hellll no.