being an aspergirl be like
By - argh_not_you_again
Literally had that conversation with a guy I'm seeing.
"You don't give a fuck about social expectations & gender norms, that's really cool."
"Thanks, it's the autism."
I use "thanks it's the autism" at work all the time haha
In fact, my hair looks exactly like Michael's lol
And I use fanny pack as well
Basically the same lmfao
I’m the inverse. I was always told I was ‘mature’, ‘well behaved’, ‘reserved’ and ‘serious’. Teachers loved me lol. But it was because I had such a hard time relating to my peers.
Teachers' definition of adult/mature: Random kid walks around not interacting with other kids. Once acquiring an interesting textbook, reads it repeatedly rather than socialise.
In the teachers' defence, they DID apparently recommend me for evaluation... 'tis more on my parents.
That’s what I did all throughout middle school (junior high) and high school. It was a great excuse to avoid anxiety-inducing interactions with my peers. The bell would ring to end class, I’d go to my locker to swap textbooks/go straight to the next class, take my seat, open my novel and pretend no one else existed until the bell rang again to start class. 😂
Needless to say, I then devoured all the LOTR books I could get my hands on. Still remember reading the cave riddle scene between Bilbo and Gollum late at night in my apartment. I had a black cat named Jonathan (sweet, laid-back little guy) that I had apparently ignored for too long while I’d been reading for hours on end, because he chose that moment to let out a very loud ‘Meowwwww!’ I must’ve jumped half a foot in the air, ha ha. If I hadn’t been so engrossed in the book, I would’ve seen him sitting right in front of me, but you know….LOTR. 😁
Yeah, I would walk with the full edition of Lord of Rings just in case lol
Still have this book, it is very worn out
Oh! That’s awesome! I sadly did not discover LOTR until Fellowship of the Ring came out in theaters, i.e. when everyone else did. My dad tried to talk me into reading his set of the trilogy when I was a teen, but I thought he was being a weird dad nerd talking about hobbits and dwarves, so I didn’t want anything to do with it at the time.
The irony. 😏
Wow, that hit hard on me. Never thought about it
I had both experiences growing up (yours and op's) depending on the demographic I was around. Was super confusing and caused years of identity crisis.
I had both too. Childhood until 12-13 years: mature / study nerd etc Teenager onwards: free spirit rebel lol
Yes, being a human female requires more strict rules. Once being able to perceive it, we are more inclined to follow them.
You just described my childhood
People: I love how you just do whatever you want and don't worry about being judged
Young me: People judge me?
I've had that kind of reaction to posts in r/aspiememes and other ASD/Aspie subs periodically. I have no problem at all establishing boundaries, so every now and then it's like "Wait, am I not supposed to politely ask for space/quiet/not to be touched/to be left alone?"
Prioritizing your own comfort over social harmony is kind of a mortal sin for women....you SHOULD do it, but people won't like it
I'm not sure if this is just one of those social norms I just never picked up on, or if I just wasn't raised that way. Politeness was always important, but I always interpreted that to mean I should communicate what I need in a way that other people will respond well to, and not that I should suffer in silence. Or maybe I'm just so bad at suffering in silence that polite but firm boundaries are the lesser evil...
My best friend in the third grade literally had to explain to me that other people could perceive me 😭
Like, I wasn't stupid, I knew I wasn't invisible, but the idea that people would look at me and then have thoughts and opinions about my appearance and behavior had literally not occurred to me
loooool I remember thinking that
Ha- this is me. "Oh, dagger, you're so funny! so a dry sense of humor" when I thought I was just stating true facts :D
This is me. Sometimes I crack people up without intending to be funny. I think it’s because I say things exactly as I see them and don’t realize that I say things out loud that most people keep to themselves.
I hated this so much! Especially when I was just asking a question. Like someone was talking about "acting normal" so I legitimately asked "Well... what *is* normal?" hoping to get some tips or *something*, but they burst our laughing, said I was really funny/clever, then left me hanging and totally confused.
“Thank you, but keep in mind that I can’t turn it off, even when it’s inconvenient for you.”
Lol my life in a nutshell.
The worst part is you don’t even realise you’re out of touch with it haha oop
I always got this as well as "you're an old soul" and "you march to your own drum beat"
literally just learned at 35 the girl is not supposed to ask the guy out 🙃
"not supposed to" Pssssh, nah. I've been the one to ask the guy out plenty of times, including when I asked out the guy I would eventually marry.
that's great that it worked for you! congrats on your bliss.
Haha, I mean, it *was* pretty blissful for a while. Currently going through a divorce after almost 8 years (figured I'd leave that part out though, didn't seem relevant)
it's very relevant. asking a man out is not the way to go!
That should not be your takeaway! Lol. I do not regret asking him out, we had an amazing life together while it lasted. And despite the way it fell apart, I will probably ask another guy out in the future. When I am ready.
Yeah, I agree with you lol. Many marriages end in divorce and has nothing to do with whether or not the female asks out the male. That's just stupid.
Awesome, I’m happy for you!
Okay but on the other side I've been with my guy almost 10 years, we're engaged, and I asked him out so I just wanted to throw that in for your refence as well.
But I'm the same as you I didn't know it was not the norm until people told me many years after I'd been in this relationship lol.
if your needs are fully met and you are totally satisfied AND you pursued him, i think you are in the minority, but i was only speaking in general terms anyways
I kissed my husband first (I had 3 beers, definitely helps to muster the courage) and I proposed to him. I think he really likes that about me, takes a lot of stress away.
You are proud to make it easier for him to be with you. Let that sink in.
I no longer fear being a burden to a man. I would rather be alone than settle for someone who is stressed out kissing me first or proposing. I want someone at least as fearless as me, maybe even more.
I think you're over thinking this. We all have flaws and qualities. If my qualities makes someone's life easier, then it's great. I'm not going out of my way to make it easier for him. It just happens that my natural approach of social codes (more power to women. Anyone should be able to propose to their partner, regardless of their gender) are better for him.
I am not invested in your life or choices at all lol if you're happy that's awesome and I celebrate it
Depends on your social circle, but I see this rule often being non verbal
That’s not really true? A lot of people including men incentivize women asking men out.
i have been following the subreddit called female dating strategy and experimenting for several months. i think yes, women can ask men out, but it's not the type of relationship i would want. to each their own!
Edit: just wanted to add: fuck any and ALL terfs.
I don't know you and maybe this is unwelcome but... keep a critical eye towards things you read in that sub. It seems very polarized. I think the best "dating strategy" is meeting nice people and if you feel a connection with someone, tell them how you feel. Then go eat a food or do an activity together. I know it's easier said than done though and maybe it feels supportive for you to be part of that community. Just ... if something feels off to you in that sub, trust your gut.
I’m definitely not a joiner (thanks, aspergers) and take it all with a grain of salt. They are definitely onto something that I heavily relate with. Some of the posts are over the top but that’s entertaining to me. Thanks for looking out, sis 🤗
Love the vibes in this subreddit! I agree with the entertainment factor. Enjoy ya day good luck with dating
>i have been following the subreddit called female dating strategy
You follow them to laugh at, or take seriously? That sub is the weirdest blend occasional valid feminist takes, and female incel-like entitlement and toxicity.
I can weed out the lower intelligence/victim mindset people and also revel at how much I’ve grown out of that myself. Some nuggets of truth in there that have opened my eyes, I am a pick up artist magnet.
That subreddit sucks and they auto ban anyone who posts on trans friendly.websites, I wouldnt lend any credence to their suggestions. Its a really hateful subreddit.
Last week at age 29 I learnt that stoically nodding as you pass one another as a greeting is, in my country, traditionally only a thing that men do at one another - I had never even CONSIDERED that it might be gendered and that that might be why sometimes people look puzzled / thrown-off by it
Fuck that! If the guy likes you, he should be flattered, and maybe even relieved that he didn't have to go through the anxiety of asking you! So many guys just get too nervous to ask, then regret it long after it's too late and they learn years later about the mutual crush when you are both in different relationships.
Might as well go for it now, rather than let opportunities slip past, right?
If people judge you, that's *their* issues and insecurities. Not because *you* did anything wrong.
As a logical person, I used to believe this exactly. Which is why I used to be more assertive. I am still assertive, but now I choose to offer green lights and let the guy come to me. It's really just everyone's personal choice. I was speaking in very general terms due to dating and love being absolutely illogical, and keeping in mind that we are all heavily socialized.
>I choose to offer green lights and let the guy come to me.
I had to actually read a book on human body language before I had *any* idea what flirting was or looked like. People would gush over how much someone *clearly* had a huge crush on me, and I'd wonder if they were lying because even as an adult I find it super hard to gauge if someone is just being nice or actually interested in me.
😂😂😂 why have I been called this so many times too
lmaoo I feel called out
Everyone: wow ur so confident and straight to the point and funny!!
Me: iz the auttism, ma'am
Whenever I try to explain a little "quirk" of mine by saying "autism", people just dismiss me. Like... Im sorry autistic ppl are cool and not what you think?
Literally me winning "most free spirited" in high school.
One of my best friends always describes me like this!