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Very similar, the physical part is... ok, it's not really the issue. The mental part is where I just don't get into it, and if I SOMEHOW manage to then it lasts like 10 seconds and then my brain is bored again. It creates a lot of pressure for me to get to that place mentally, but I'm just not wired that way, so it doesn't work. Personally, I think the physical aspect of sex is a VERY small part of what makes it enjoyable, if you aren't there mentally, it's kinda sh\*t.


I always describe it as mental gymnastics. For me, the physical pleasure goes with the mental stuff. If I’m not feeling it in my head, then it doesn’t feel good at all physically. It just feels uncomfortable or like a really bad massage- so it’s always a fight for me to get to that place mentally for a long enough time to feel good.


Exactly. There are moment when I can engage, but they are short, na dmy head just go away to thinking any other thing except what is happening. Also, it gets boring really really easy.


My thoughts exactly!


It’s the opposite for me. I get really into it psychologically, especially because I empathize with the pleasure my partner’s feeling and start to feel it with them, but my crotch doesn’t get sensitive. I know what sexual arousal feels like, I can go there by myself, and all the structures get aroused — but when another person reaches for my crotch, it feels as awkward as a cat stepping there. Not sensitive, just weird. I don’t do a lot of PiV intercourse for that reason. I get more enjoyment out of my partner going anywhere EXCEPT below the belt. Making out, etc. If anything, all my sensitivity goes to my heart. When someone kisses me right, I literally feel like I’m having an orgasm inside my chest.


Pretty inexperienced here but I feel similarly. I try not to think about the act itself on either side of oral sex because I’ll feel weird about it and truly I don’t really enjoy it but I want my partner to feel good. However, a good kiss with someone who has feelings for me is waaaaay more arousing, enjoyable, and meaningful then any type of sex I’ve ever had.




The one time I did I was thinking “damn cake really is better than this”


I get distracted easilly and worried of what I'm supposed to do and feel, how to do it, and if they realize I'm not really into it. At first I just thought I wasn't doing something right or wasn't with right people, but eventually I just gave up trying as it brings nothing good at all. Still not sure if it's an ace thing though or something else


The first and probably only time, I was just trying to suppress my fucking shaking. I realized I was sex repulsed after that, which didnt get very far anyway because I just couldnt get into it despite months of sexting and thinking I would enjoy it. I dont even like sexting anymore. Any hint of it also repulses me.


This is why I can't handle dating apps. It'll be a nice conversation and then I'll see a hint of the beginning of sexting and just shut down. I don't say anything. If I do say something to someone trying, I won't be nice so I generally say nothing.


as a cis woman, i tie my sexuality in with my femininity. i feel like having sex makes me feel like a true woman, and being desired makes me feel really good. other than that, i mostly feel like im an actress, like im just morphing into whatever i think my partner would find hot. i sometimes get really into my role, but it never feels natural. just secretly excited to get it over with really.


My mind constantly wanders during sex. I think about what I'm going to have for dinner or I get distracted by the TV or I wish I was doing something useful.


The couple of times I’ve done anything… intercourse-y, I’ve just wanted it to be over? Like I was doing it for my partner, not for myself, and I very much wanted to just get it over with already so we could move on. I was kinda bored and not into it mentally at all.


Tralalala, I wonder what ever happened to Carrot-top? I wonder how he feels about himself. Tralalala.


My mind just loops some silly songs over and over again


I guess it would depend of the person i'm with, but with my ex, my head was pretty much the void. There was nothing special, i was just trying to not go full ADHD while doing it, and it wasn't fun at all honestly.


I have to concentrate on getting off. It took until I was in my mid 20’s to figure it out. As a guy, that’s not normal.


I could orgasm if I focused on my body. But it was a chore.


Uh. Just kind of wait until it’s over. Sometimes I like it for a little bit.


Omg same! In addition, my ADHD has my mind wandering often. My autism gives me so many sensory sensitivities that make the whole experience gross. And I experience such a strong disconnect like you say. I really dislike it and could do without it


Yeah literally same here, if anything i actually feel even more sober and aware of myself, not "sex drunk" like allo ppl apparently. I'm also aegosexual so I get more "mentally aroused" when I read stuff than if I was doing something physically sexual .


The sober vs sex drunk is exactly how I feel but I thought no one would understand the metaphor!


That's not how sex works. The head goes in, nothing goes in the head.


I'm a sensory seeking autistic, so sex is like a stim for me. I have a hard time 'getting there', but it is a pleasant enough sensory experience to me that I enjoy it quite a bit as a bonding experience.


For the mental aspect, I need some level of kink to be involved, or else I don’t really like it enough to feel it is worth it. I think being ace is part of why I don't like vanilla sex. There has to be a bit of spice, or I'm not motivated to do it at all.