T O P
biscuitboi967

Had a coworker who carried a “folio” everywhere, like he was off to a meeting to take notes. He would also use the internal staircase like he was just going up or down a few floors to a meeting. And I’m sure on occasion he did. But another coworker happened to be running out for coffee at the same time as a “meeting” and saw him walk out the side exit from the stairs (he’d obviously walked down about 15 flights of stairs so she was curious), so she just sort of…followed him. Dude walked about a mile to get a fancy muffin. Then to a coffee shop to sit and enjoy his coffee and muffin. She had to come back to the office, and he arrived back from his “meeting,” folio in hand, about an hour later. After he retired - he was preparing for retirement for like a decade - we discovered that he’d reserved a conference room on a seldom used floor once for a big project and just…never gave it back. So he’d cruise up there for hours at a time to “work”. Oh, and what put him to god status was we each got a stipend for trainings and conferences. He used his stipend for Rosetta Stone and then language immersion classes. I’m not sure how he claimed it was work related, but he has some sway with the boss (the phrase “you don’t know what he does for me” was once uttered when they asked the boss), so no one said a thing. And when he retired, he bought a second home in a country that primarily spoke that language. And you got a moving stipend after you retired (since the job often required moving around the country), and he had his heavy shit shipped overseas on the company’s dime. He was terrible to work WITH, but goddamned if we couldn’t all learn something from him.


NYSenseOfHumor

>“you don’t know what he does for me” was once uttered when they asked the boss Creative accounting


Little_Lahey_Show

Creative financing


explosivebuttfarts

Keleven is the best financing number


RahbinGraves

"A mistake plus Keleven gets you home by seven."


SemiSweetStrawberry

No one gives me enough work or even monitors what I’m doing, so I’ve decided to start learning German while I’m at work not doing anything. I use Duolingo because it’s free, but my best friend is fluent in German so it all kind of evens out


Michael_G_Bordin

> my best friend is fluent in German so it all kind of evens out That will be your greatest resource. I "learned" German in college, but because I have had 0 people to speak it with, I've largely forgotten it (except for what I catch from Rammstein lyrics).


Deavian

DU


ChickenDickJerry

HAST


MisanthropeImmortel

Du hast mich gefragt und ich hab‘ nichts gesagt


eggboiiiii

Had a coworker act similarly, really smart guy, usually got his work done in a few hours and had nothing else to do the other five. One day, another coworker was out getting a coffee from a food court down the street. Sure enough, the guy was working behind the counter at a pizza place. The coworker who saw him didn't rat him out, but he eventually got fired because he was getting paid a decent salary by the company to work somewhere else, but he got away with it for two years because he had a secluded desk job with a manager in a different state, so no physical oversight. Manager eventually caught on when he wouldn't answer emails after 12pm.


RecommendationOk2828

That's pretty reckless on his part


eggboiiiii

Yeah it was boldly insane especially making around $120k with his $15/hr, could have worked anywhere else further from the office, but not many people would have recognised him anyway. He just stopped caring.


CopprRegendt

I know a lot of people with side gigs. One woman got so good at the stock market she downgraded her profession and leaned on that. She's very comfortable now with low responsibilities and I'm very jealous.


agumonkey

> so no one said a thing the dark matter of corporate physics


Trum4n1208

What an absolute hero. I aspire to this.


Tuckertcs

Makes me wonder what he did for the boss


[deleted]

[удалено]


feed_me_moron

I've seen this kind of thing before and its usually someone with a lot of knowledge of random shit in the company. Those guys that get called on in an emergency to help put out a fire. A boss will let a lot slide for a few major fires being put out.


briansaunders

He could also be super efficient. I'm that guy at work who can do something in half a day that other people take 2 weeks on. So yes, I end up with way more time to goof off.


darkapao

This has been the hardest for me. Slowing down to a pace my manager was able to handle. Most of the time my work needed to be reviewed and approved by her. So i typically finish all the work that i need. And then send her one completed task and wait for her review while goofing off. The moment she sends the first task back. I send her another completed task.


aledba

That's exactly what I was thinking


VectorVanGoat

Oh he knows some secrets, like where the money goes or where the bodies are buried.


P4RZiV0L

When I was in service, I had two covers (hats) on me at all times. If you step outside, you have to wear your cover. I would put the second one on my desk and disappear. If people came looking for me, seeing my hat on my desk, their only presumption was that I was still somewhere in the building.


Destination_Cabbage

Fucking genius. I had three covers, but only because I'd often lose one because I had untreated adhd at the time.


P4RZiV0L

Not your fault, super easy to lose. They’re camouflaged!


Destination_Cabbage

Ba-dam-tschh!


[deleted]

Unless you’re navy, then it’s only camouflaged if you drop it in the ocean.


Admirable-Common-176

Either way should Have made it hard to find you because once you put it on you are undercover.


esab

I used the "Blue folder" method for years when active. Carry around a blue folder and everyone thinks you are working on some official doc. Bonus points if your unit requires routing slips on them. You can walk right out and leave; everyone thinks you are just driving to where ever it needs to go. It could take hours/multiple attempts to get one item signed!


Bob_Loblaw_Law_Blog1

I did this for a long time as a mechanic, some days I'd walk around with a clipboard and a sheet of paper on it and bullshit with everyone. People saw the clipboard and assumed I was doing some kind of inventory or ordering or tracking of some sort and didn't question me.


Zugnutz

I used to take an inventory scanner and walk around. Everyone assumed I was checking a discrepancy in our system.


FinnegansPants

I used to do the same with a light bulb when I worked in a lighting store. People always assumed I was doing showroom maintenance.


mk5000mk

I wish they would have just scheduled me for 5 hours and I would not have to waste the extra 3 hours. The 30hour work week is going to get the same amount of work done, or more.


surfacing_husky

Whe I worked retail I would call it "wandering with a purpose" and if management asked what I was doing I would just say"walking back to my department after taking a customer to x item" worked like a charm because they MADE us do that. In reality I was taking smoke breaks and bullshiting with my co-workers.


hdvjufd

Damn that’s good. I wish I had thought of that! I usually just hid in one of the stock rooms pretending to look for things for customers or scan things for fulfillment. Sometimes I just hid. There may or may not have been a box fort at one point.


P4RZiV0L

Ah yeah, that’s incredible. Everyone kind of feels sorry for you too for having to deal with it. Genius


Dozzi92

I was a grunt and still used a similar method. Carry papers, walk around quickly looking a little annoyed, greet people but don't use any words, just kinda shake your head, ruffle papers, continue on your way.


HoweverItHasToHappen

The autism walk


BillButtLick3r

Move with just enough purpose that nobody is going to stop you. One of my favorite moves.


haythatgirl

The handy man that works in the building I work in told me he walks around with a clip board and measuring tape when he doesn’t have a project. When members or managers are around he takes out his tape measure and starts measuring windows or something jots some numbers down and walks away. No one ever asks him what he’s doing they’ll just say something like when you’re done with that can you… I’ve noticed him doing the same thing outside with touch up paint he’ll drive around on a golf cart with green paint and a brush so if someone stops him he just clams he’s off to paint a bench or tee box. The man’s got it figured out.


Badbookitty

The golf cart. The paint. It's genius.


trebaol

I want to see this man in the Oval Office


Marshmellkill

You just made realize why everyone knows when I’m leaving… I only wear a hat when I’m coming in/leaving work


nbplaya94

Air Force?? Lmao this was common practice when I was in


Alone_Barber468

Found the warrant officer


TahoeLT

I don't think I knew any warrants who felt the need to justify what they were doing to anyone.


eveningsand

Nobody found the WO, and I'm not certain they actually exist


aitathrowaway2019

they found the warrants on a mountain side hotspring with all the hot 91W's back when i was deployed. would've gotten away with it too if those pictures didnt make the rounds LOL


andwhatarmy

Heard of a psg going a step further with an extra wallet and phone they’d leave on the desk.


P4RZiV0L

Pack of smokes should work too


j4misonriley

holy shit i’m gonna start doing this


Max_Fenig

When I worked building boats, the bosses would assume you weren't working if you weren't on a boat. Going to the washroom? Even to get something from the tool desk? They'd give you shit. But I realized that as long as you had a tool in your hand, they assumed you were doing something. This led to the ridiculous situation with people carrying tools when they went to get a tool, just so that our tool of a boss wouldn't yell at us on the way there. Work is dumb.


PartBobPartRick

A jacket on your chair also makes people think you are still at the office but in a meeting.


garaks_tailor

You do have to Occasionally be seen wearing the jacket in and out. Also make sure to have a couple different hanging spots to move it around. Also used to know a guy who had a small backpack that he would fit in his desk drawer when he actually wanted to be gone.


Geminii27

The trick is to have a method to enter and leave the office without the backpack being visible (because it implies arriving/leaving). Having a light bag which can fold down to fit in a pocket is an option. I actually spent a couple of months once using a large plastic department store shopping bag for this. It folded up enough to fit in a pocket, and I would use it to put my laptop in when walking to my car or taking public transport - less likely to have someone try to snatch a bag with a cheap department-store logo on it than try for an obvious good-quality laptop case. It had the dual advantage that if I walked out of the office carrying what looked like only the laptop, it looked like I was headed somewhere still business-related (as long as it was before about 3pm). I probably could have enhanced the effect by pretending to be talking on my phone or something.


CTeam19

So have two jackets and never enter/leave with the same one on. Or have 4 or 5 jackets so people can't find the pattern.


baconraygun

If you have ADHD, you can accomplish this easily by always forgetting your jacket at work.


DingleberryBlaster69

Fake set of keys on a lanyard splayed across your desk works great as well. That, or just take the keys you’ll need off your ring and leave your usual keys there. Done that too.


BestChickEver

I used to leave a small desk lamp turned on along with the jacket to imply I had just stepped away briefly... worked every time!


LongSunOdyssey

I'm in IT, if I am going somewhere with a laptop at speed I could be going anywhere.


Dansinnervoice

I'm a Major Incident Manager...no one EVER stops me for fear of being dragged into something nasty! They actively avoid me if I'm going at pace...I love my job. 🤣


Haydechs

Same vibe. I’ve seen my co worker just leave his computer on and walk away and everyone assumes he is just going to the bathroom or something but then he never comes back. I’ve never respected anyone more.


Intl_Duck

Did this yesterday. Also works for long lunches.


Splinter1591

Sometimes I just need an afternoon nap 😴


Lorne_Velcoro

Sometimes I come home for an afternoon nap from office and then forget to go back.


ARandomBob

I don't think I've taken a lunch shorter than an hour and a half since I've worked here. No one has ever called me on it.


xtr3mecenkh

Truth is, as long as you're doing all that's needed. What more do they want. What does being there change how much work you need to do.


ARandomBob

And that's pretty much my bosses outlook on everything. Most people work from home. I'm in charge of new asset installs so I rarely get to work from home, but I get my shit done and peace out. You're absolutely right though. It might be different if I was underperforming.


MelOdessey

Sometimes I “accidentally” leave my office light on when I go to lunch so people can’t tell. 😬😂


MrColburn

I did IT for a company that I absolutely loathed, I was the only IT persona and they refused to give me help, so towards the end of my tenure there I decided to see how much I could get away with. I lived about 10 minutes from the office, and the office was a corporate headquarters with 3 massive warehouses attached to it. If you were to walk from one end to the other, it could easily take 20 to 30 minutes. It became customary for the department heads to text when they needed something. I would just go home for the day and when someone would text I would just tell them I was on the other side of the building, finishing something for someone else and that I could head over in about an hour, or towards the end of the day when I was free. I would just schedule everything for the last hour of the day, go in for that hour take care of the issues and then leave. People would see me leaving at closing time and just assume I had been there all day. About one day a week I would go in early and make sure people saw me early in the morning and it worked until I quite about 2 months later


EnthusiasticEmpath

This right here is pure gold !!


CentralAdmin

Another good one in winter is to leave a sweater or hoodie or something similar over the back of your chair. It gives the impression you will be back soon. Meanwhile you could be wandering around a mall or something.


VTSVirus

I live 15 min away. If someone calls or asks I just say I left for lunch what’s up thenHead back in.


CaptainBeer_

I would get reprimanded for this since it is a security risk leaving ur computer on and walking away


DiabeticNovelist

Set up your screen saver to look like your desktop background


tehlemmings

And then set the unlock screen to look like your desktop, and with a bit of magic move the password box off the screen. Then laugh as your coworker can't figure it out. Or my absolute favorite, create a desktop that's just like, all password boxes. Like a full screen of randomly placed password boxes. Like the solitaire ending, but with password boxes. And then move the real one to a random spot. And laugh when they don't just, start typing or press tab to solve the problem. I like my pranks to be annoyingly technical, easily defeated, but incredibly frustrating if you don't think about it for two seconds. And that's why I'm not allowed to mess with other people's computers anymore...


1spicytunaroll

WIN+L bb Edit from Ctrl cause I don't think about it


VanillaVideo

Think you mean Win+L


Maybeadecentboss42

Really a good idea for workplaces too shortsighted to realize that trying to control when and where they works is less effective than just measuring outcomes and letting people set their own work schedules. Smarter bosses don't care if you are in the office 10-2 if outcomes are great.


eyvoom

This is absolutely true for many jobs! Many non white-collar jobs do require certain hours. That being said, there should still be flexibility! As long as there's communication both ways, coming or going early if needed should never be an issue. I see a lot of businesses that are militant about what time people clock in and out. That only leads to resentment and people looking for ways to come in late or leave early.


rose_colored_boy

People at my old job used to “joke” about “leaving early” if you left at 5:45PM. Same if you showed up at 9:15AM. “Nice of you to show up today!”


PM__me_compliments

I had a colleague who used to joke "Ah, Friday, only two working days until Monday." I made it a point not to hang out with that guy.


FaeryLynne

I used to work with a guy who made that joke every fuckin week. He was an asshole. He used to take my snacks out of my desk and claim I owed it to him because he was older and male, opposed to me being barely out of school and female. I complained several times about that and other bullshit, and it only got *me* moved to a different shift, that still slightly overlapped with his so I still saw him. He later was arrested for stalking his ex wife. They fired him for "missing work" as a no call no show. Sorry, your comment just triggered a 25 year old hatred that I'd forgotten about.


EggShenSixDemonbag

> He used to take my snacks out of my desk and claim I owed it to him because he was older and male wtf?!?!


FaeryLynne

Yup. Apparently all women were good for was to "take care of" men. And older meant he knew better, too. Fuckin asshole. I was really glad when he got arrested.


PM__me_compliments

Christ, what an asshole. Come to think of it, that "joke" is a pretty good asshole test....


Admirable-Common-176

I actually subconsciously collect sayings like that just to have something to say since I can’t relate about f*cling ball sports. Still an outsider though. As if ball sports make you actually more capable at non ball sport related work.


PM__me_compliments

You're better off saying that the designated hitter rule is an abomination unto the Lord than making jokes that normalize working on your (and your colleagues') days off.


rose_colored_boy

It’s always the same people isn’t it? They think it’s funny but it’s actually incredibly obnoxious.


GourangaPlusPlus

They're actually energy vampires the office is where they feed


DMvsPC

“I don’t live to drain, I drain to live.”


EmptySkin

God damn it, Colin.


optigon

When they’re not at the office, they’re in stores searching for dodgy UPC codes so they can make the “I guess it’s free, huh?” joke.


jhugh

I had a boss that would swap out the UPC codes with one from a cheaper product. Go into the store and get a $100 bottle of scotch and paste the UPC from a bottle of Arizona Tea over it.


Lord_Jair

I swear to god, I did that once when I was like 15 and the UPC code scanner rang up both products. I was so embarrassed that I paid for both and quickly left.


woopsifarted

Hahaha omg dude this is such a hilarious image. I would have done the exact same thing at 15


Swag92

I was underage when self checkout lines were becoming a thing, so I used to weigh a 6 pack and ring it up as bananas at Walmart in college


barcanomics

And that's why it's illegal to bring alcohol into the self checkout area in CA.


CatInAPottedPlant

These are the same people who are trying to make everyone else go back to the office instead of working from home.


porch911r

You working bankers hours?


cantadmittoposting

Bold of you to assume I do any work at all when I'm not actively in a meeting.


Sputniksteve

My people. You wouldn't know it, but I am working *right now*. My son and nephews asked me to play fortnite with them last Friday, and I agreed as I haven't gamed in years and it sounded like a fun way to hang with the kids. That lead to a 3 day binge and my son asking me yesterday if I could play today. I told him no I have to work and he said "Oh really?" in a really shitty condescending tone only a 10 year old can pull off. I laughed really hard because he is absolutely correct.


mittenminute

saw a recent post from a workplace that instead of instituting unlimited PTO (which often results in employees taking less time off and with fewer clear boundaries compared to earned time off) they instituted unlimited half days- finish your work early, GTFO. I thought it a really reasonable balance.


DarienStegosaur

>unlimited PTO (which often results in employees taking less time off Just started a job with unlimited PTO. It fucks with you psychologically. "Is this too much? I don't want to push it." Whereas when I had a PTO bank, it's like "This 40 hours is mine to use when I want, I won't be in next week."


WonderChopstix

You also do not get paid out your PTO when you leave. They didn't offer it out of goodness of heart. There could be exceptions to this by state as I know CA has strict laws. But for most this is a bad deal. Especially as the companies offering unlimited already had decent PTO.


DarienStegosaur

I honestly believe that, looking at the totality of my company's policies (such as codifying permanent remote), they did it with good intentions, but I'm sure many companies won't.


professorbc

Where I work, Fridays are optional if you have everything done for the week. You are still expected to answer your phone if a coworker needs you.


smokinbbq

Only issue I can see is that you then have that asshole worker that slacks all week, and needs to bug everyone on friday's when they busted their ass to get the job done on time.


i_will_let_you_know

Still better than having to sit there pretending to work or getting so much work you can't rest.


Buffythedjsnare

The kind of places that give that kind of freedom don't usually have those slackers you are talking about.


redeemer47

Or the slackers ruin it for everybody and the company tightens up. My company has been steadily reducing freedoms since I started due to the slackers. Rule used to be , just get your 40 hours any way you want. We were also working from home full time until the owner realized that half the boomers weren’t doing shit because they had constant computer issues and couldn’t figure out how to use the VPN to get into the servers. One of these boomers got in trouble for fucking up at work and blamed working from home as the reason. A few boomers got together and demanded that they get rid of WFH as they said they can’t do it and don’t like video calls. Everyone got called back to the office. My department at least gets to work a hybrid 3 days in office but I’m still salty.


aestival

I have a saying that if you have to call a meeting after 3:00 on a Friday you dun fucked up.


SathedIT

Yeah, my boss couldn't care less. "Hey Boss, I'm gonna be late." or "I'm gonna head out so I can beat the traffic." His response is always something like "See ya." My boss let's me do what I need to do to be productive. If that means working from home, the office, or Mars. If the work is getting done, nobody should care. Yeah, I know this doesn't apply to all jobs. But micro management in any industry is and for business.


embarrassedalien

Lol reminds me of my last retail job — retail is different of course, but the company had a policy that everyone’s bags and pockets (and sometimes pant legs) had to be searched before we left the building. Even to take out trash while we were on the clock. We’d have to flag down a manager to look through our bags and pockets every time we left the store. Sometimes you’d have to wait for them though. A lot of the time, actually. Once I was clocked out and I didn’t want to wait 15 minutes to leave the store (which had happened before). Being fed up with the policy and sick of waiting, I just walked out the front door. No one noticed.


aehii

I'd find that so degrading and insulting. I kind of had that in a job before, basically costing everyone an extra hour or two as you weren't allowed to scan parcels for delivery outside anymore, only inside, in bays. If there are bays available but the depot controller is busy...tough. In a job you only get paid per delivery so waiting is costing you money. Got to the point they're stood there watching as I loaded. At my age and where I was in life, I just thought; I'm worth more than this. Ridiculous as they trust you to deliver all day, but couldn't care less about delaying. I was getting there at 8-9am every day and only starting first delivery at 12pm... edit: well I thought this was boring but it's getting upvoted, so..basically if you scan outside all you do is drsg cage outside, open, place parcels on to the floor in road order, scan, put into vehicle. Inside, you order on floor, scan, stack into cage. Two, three cages. Then drag outside, open them, hope all the careful ordering doesn't fall on to the floor, then into vehicle. Obviously more work. 150 parcels can take 1-2 hours like this. Unpaid remember. Obviously when it's raining you need to scan inside but it's not often, even in Manchster. You're pretty knackered after just sorting, cramming everything in, making sure every parcel is in order so you can access it on your round. They thought I was a bit of an angry sort crossing the line to drag my cage over...


stumblewiggins

Pretty much this. Some jobs unfortunately do require set schedules and locations, but most office jobs do not as long as you are meeting your requirements. There will be exceptions for things like meetings and whatnot that require specific times, but otherwise let the people work when and where they want as long as their outcomes are where they need to be.


pookachu83

I used to work at a Walmart when I was 19 back in like 2002 or around that time. I was hired for housewares in a super Walmart that was huge and always had over 70 people working at a time. My first day they dropped me in my department and said "just push items to front of shelf, and check the back every now and then to see if any more backstock can go out, we will have someone train you fully soon, so just do that for now." We'll, after several days no one came to train me or even check on me. I never saw a manager or coworker. I was just standing around in this department kinda pretending to straighten stuff out. One day I got sick of it after a few weeks and just left. Nobody called me to ask where I was or anything. I had regret about walking out like that because I needed the money so I came back at the end of the shift to explain only to find Noone noticed I was gone...hmm. So I just clocked out. So for the next several months I'd come in on time for my scheduled shift, hang out 20 minutes so I'd be seen, then leave and go home. I'd come back 15 minutes before end of shift to briefly organize area and clock out. It got to the point where nothing was said for weeks, I didn't even know who my manager was, I just came In, clocked in, left, then came back later to clock out. I forget how long this went on but it was for months. I eventually got tired of not working and got a better job. But that's how I got paid for 35 hours a week at Walmart for essentially walking in and out of a store in a vest for 3 minutes a day. (Edit- to anyone thinking of doing this I wouldn't recommend it nowadays. They can get you for fraud. I was just lucky to be in a situation where they had just expanded the store, had an interim manager and there was just a lot going on so I fell through the cracks. I had to fill out weekly missed punched forms for not clocking out on meals and was constantly worried I'd get caught. It sounds fun, like a good deal but honestly at the time I just was going through a lot and wanted a better job. The chances of this working again were pretty slim. I think the last few weeks they caught on but I eventually just stopped showing up before they looked into it.)


dubsy54321

this is gold


emztheemu

I bet the extra cash piled on pretty quickly without having to do much work haha


pookachu83

I was making like 10$/hr and they only gave 20-30 hours a week because then they didn't have to pay benefits. So it wasn't much, a couple hundred a week. Good for gas and fun money at the time. I honestly wouldn't recommend it. I couldn't go very far because I always had to come back and clock out, and I was stressed for the day I'd finally get caught. I was a kid.


bears_eat_you

You should have just gotten a second job to go to after clocking in at Walmart


OfficerJody

And the next thing you know you're handing a fresh cup of coffee to your Walmart manager.


HijaDelRey

Oh I think you might be confusing me for my twin ;D


pm_me_good_usernames

Why stop there? Dude could be working for every big box store in town, just have to make sure his shifts all start and end at different times.


Competitive_Hotel652

I had a similar situation. Was attending college in FL and found an "under the table" type job where I was a "manager" of a gym inside a law school. Basically all I did was open close the gym depending on the shift, check in students with their ID, keep it clean, rent out lockers, and make sure no one killed themselves in the gym. I was probably 20 years old. I soon noticed that not many people came to lift at the law school lol. So I after a while I started checking in, opening everything up, and literally leaving 5 minutes after. The other dude who would work the other shift knew what was up and was cool with it. And every week my check would be in the drawer waiting for me on Friday. I did this for probably 2 or 3 months. Then one day I had done my routine of opening up the gym and dipped, a few hours later got a call from the boss. It was close to the end of my shift and he asked where I was, said I had to leave early for a meeting with a counselor for my classes. The boss told me he came in to work out and has been there for 2 hours with no sign of me lol. I was actually at a bar day drinking... he actually bought my bullshit story and let it slide. Ended up quitting a few weeks later. But hey, I basically got free money for a couple months during college so it was a win win.


Holistic_Assassin

I love this. When I stocked at Target, they checked on us regularly because they needed us to switch to a higher-priority department for a few hours. It happened almost every shift, due to always being short handed.


pookachu83

Yeah I'm sure nowadays that would happen. This was when super Walmart were new in my area, so this one had just opened recently and a combination of not wanting to give employees more then 20 hours a week and high turnover I barely. Saw the same workers twice. It was very unorganized.


Nebulo9

> I eventually got tired of not working and got a better job. Real life counter-example to "But under communism, why would anyone bother doing any work?"


mname

Take a spare back pack into work with old chargers and cables and coffee travel mug. Leave it out in various places around your desk. People walk by see your personal stuff still there think you’ve just wondered off to a meeting or to get coffee or something. Leave an old phone charging on the desk. In the 90s new a women who did this with a spare purse. Sunglasses old pocketbook/wallet scarve half hanging out…”oh she must be in the bathroom.” Nope she gone. Sometimes would come back and clean it up. Sometimes she’d ask a coworker. Sometimes got it in the morning.


kitjen

It's probably well known but a good tactic to avoid being hassled or stopped or questioned as you're heading somewhere is to have a piece of paper with you and be looking angrily at it. Others fear that if they stop you they might somehow become involved in whatever is causing you so much trouble.


___Art_Vandelay___

Can confirm. Always look annoyed. EDIT: Too many people not realizing who I am.


OrangeBoxUK

Username checks out, George Constanza, your secret is safe 😂👌🏽


LanceShiro

I always leave my backpack at home whenever I want to leave early. I then subtly make sure everybody knows I have an important meeting after lunch, walk off with my iPad and go home.


CarmelizedEggroll

I’ve gone as far as leaving my jacket in the car in the winter. Completely obvious when you’re leaving work with a heavy coat on. I literally just walk away from my desk and walk to my car in single degree weather (and snow), everyone assumes I have a meeting or are going to the restroom.


Daddywags42

This whole thread screams George Constanza. Look annoyed, sleep under your desk, hire an unattractive assistant. He should be this subs logo. Edit: clarity.


UltraMechaPunk

Leave your car in the parking lot and commute another way. They’ll think you’re the first one in the office and the last to leave.


Hamburderler

Just wash it every couple of days and remove all the Chinese restaurant pamphlets from the window


activelyresting

Just change it to r/SummerOfGeorge and you're golden


aznprd

https://youtu.be/Kafq7yrKAOQ I never watched Seinfeld but i just know this clip on how he always looks busy so people don't bother him


sndtrb89

i carry my backpack everywhere for the same effect. did i just go to the grocery store? a meeting? a grow site? mcborgles? the doctor? getting high? the world may never know


disisathrowaway

Fuuuuck yes. I always have my backpack and it's proven to be equally useful for getting out of situations as it is at carrying my property. "Oh man, I'd love to, but I'm just on my way..."


ZealousidealPea3199

Why not all of the above


superduperspam

But most of the time, 'getting high' is the right answer


GrannyNugs

Every post I see here makes me miss my old boss more and more. We're fully remote. He gave no fucks when you worked as long as your shit got done. For the once a quarter we agreed to go into the office, he followed it up with a happy hour. Bastard left at the beginning of the year.


Barbarossa7070

I recently took over managing a new team and was dumbfounded by all the requests to leave a half hour early for a doctor’s appointment or to pick up their car from the shop. And, telling me where they’re going to be when they request PTO. I cut that shit out right away. First, to me PTO stands for Private Time Off. I don’t care where you’re going to be but I hope it’s somewhere fun. And you’re salaried, so just get the work done and live your life.


aodhan10

Hi, can i have a job on your team


OneAdvertising9821

Same. I asked my team to put it on their calendar so I don't invite them to meetings, but it's approved. I've only had to have one conversation about abusing the policy, and even then the abuse wasn't malicious.


GrannyNugs

Back when I was a manager we had a huge team so I had a co-manager. One of his people had some attendance challenges so he instituted blanket "rules" for everyone. So I pulled him aside and said we needed to deal with the bad egg and not punish the entire team. He was a bit younger, but he got it and we did.


OneAdvertising9821

For sure. In my case it was a young employee who scheduled four weeks of PTO. We didn't have coverage for all four weeks, so we had a quick chat and agreed to three weeks. Easy conversation really, but that was the only one I've had to have.


minibeardeath

The real question is where did he go, and is he hiring for your position? I definitely know people who migrate between companies in groups to work with old bosses or colleagues


GrannyNugs

Unfortunately I lose a significant retirement benefits if I leave before 55 so unless the new employer wants to pony up a 100k signing bonus I'm stuck for another couple of years. I'm thrilled that the balance of power has shifted and my kids and all the young folks won't have to stay in toxic workplaces. I asked a coworker the other day why he's still here. Go get your $$$ son.


waffels

I used to do this, would work from home in the morning and afternoon. Then my office admin pulled my parking garage time punches and sent to my boss. Now I'm forced to be in the office from 8:30-5:00. Let me tell you, my productivity has plummeted and I refuse to do any work outside those hours!


MrNovember83

I had a manager that would come in late, dump his bag and coat around a corner, grab some blank paper out the printer and rush to his desk like he’d been off doing stuff elsewhere. Trouble is we had an all glass office, with a glass elevator that took you up to the middle of a glass sided bridge. He never got away with it, but he tried, and I respect that


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sabermagnus

Why ya’ll sharing my secrets.


9Point

Manilla folder. That was the trick when I was in the service. If you walked around like you had somewhere to be and had a folder with you, no one bothered you or said anything


Geminii27

A clipboard and an expression which says you've been voluntold to do some piddly annoying additional job that isn't the one you signed up for.


9Point

Lol true. But there is a fine line between flustered and annoyed. I swear one of the biggest lessons I learned was never look like you don't belong. It's like putting sugar water on to prevent mosquito bites... Can't even count how many times I heard "who's soldier is this?". You just knew they were about to have a bad day


unknamed

When I worked construction there was a guy who had been a boat captain for long time who took a job as a carpenter... we called him Captain Bob. Captain Bob must have lied on his application and was very much out of his element on this big construction site (giant hotel) and spent most of his day wandering around the site trying to look busy. Captain Bob's favorite tactic to look busy would be to grab a random scrap of wood that was laying around, whip out his tape measure, and carefully examine its dimensions. This almost always resulted in him shaking his head disappointedly and tossing said piece of scrap wood back onto whatever pile he had found it on. But every once in awhile, just to mix things up, he'd carry that piece of scrap wood off to another part of the job site where I'm sure he deposited it onto another pile of scrap wood. And that was probably the best work Captain Bob did.


CanuckPanda

I walk everywhere quickly and look *mildly* frustrated at something. "Anything wrong?" "Nop, just busy."


TuesdayNightMassacre

This is the office equivalent of wearing a safety vest 🦺 when doing sketchy things to appear like you belong


stt4g

In manufacturing, if you have a clipboard and wear proper gowning you can enter literally anywhere.


turriferous

They did this bit on Better Call Saul. It was awesome.


fingers

squatters say that the best thing to do is NOT sneak into an empty house in the middle of the night. Do it during the day and make it look like you are legit moving in. Put flowers in. Mow the lawn. Open the windows. Air the house out. Make it look like you belong. because you do!


Ikeddit

Being open and notorious is a requirement for Adverse Possession!


idk_whatever_69

Yeah but doesn't it also take like 25 years? Who has time for that, lol?


Sharp-Ad4389

I did this once when I had an interview. Left at like 1, came back at 4, no one noticed.


Holistic_Assassin

I had to go get my fingerprints taken for a background check for a new job, but I don't drive, so a co-worker took me. She was so non-nonchalant. We were gone for half the day. We even stopped for coffee. I was so nervous, especially because we still had the coffee when we came back. I was trying to hide mine in my bag but she didn't care. When the Karen of the office made a comment, the one who drove said we had to wait for an agent in the security office. I learned a lot from her while working there.


SkepticAquarian876

I thought about doing that today, but it has been raining...since they are nodging people to leave their homes ..sit in traffic to go sit in a musty dusty office to deal with these dinosaur chatter boxes who feel the need to see and interact unnecessarily with others who dont care too.


2HourCoffeeBreak

How do you all find jobs where no one knows if the job is actually getting done? If I’m off my job for 5 minutes, all hell would be breaking loose and every boss would be looking for me.


FattyMcBroFist

IT. I'm like a security guard. Most of the time I do nothing, just try to look busy. Until something breaks amd then I have to hustle. But most of my job is automated anyway at this point with powershell scripts and batch files. 90% of issues that come up require me to do nothing more strenuous than double click a couple times.


bossky6

I had a job where I brought a bag of clothes so I could run over lunch. My boss knew I was leaving for the day if he saw me grab my bag of clothes and at least once a week (usually more) he'd want a last word that took 15 or more minutes. One week I was on a tight schedule and needed to leave on time, so I just put the bag in my car after my run at lunch and I was able to leave on time every day. I considered always doing that, but my boss wasn't an idiot and would have figured a new method, so at least this bought me days when I really needed them. It's stupid I had to play mind games rather than just say "I gotta leave on time this week", but that's not how that boss worked and why I don't work there any more.


Kendakr

Watch out for office spies. They will catch you. We have a bad rat problem in my office.


Internal-Lifeguard-9

Same. My supervisors even put the rats office where she can see every person coming and going. They will never admit to doing it, but we all know it was not just a coincidence.


Kendakr

Office rats are the ones who don’t have any actually work to do and are scared for their job.


musclesbear

I had a supervisor ask me if my coworker was clocking out early everyday. I ain't no snitch.


Thirdcityshit

It's called cameras in the hallway and outside the building. There is no coming or going most places I've worked without it being on cam. Also this advice is worthless to employees who have to punch a clock.


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Mercury_Madulller

This is EXACTLY what I will do if I ever work in an exempt salary job. If I ever get called in it I will just say I was running to get something. If they try and pull the "well, you're supposed to be in the office from x until x" I will just ask "does that mean I am no longer exempt?" Learned a lot from this sub.


missubernie

Plz elaborate. V interested


macro_god

Exempt from getting paid overtime. Typically if you get paid a salary (set income no matter how much you work) then you don't get paid overtime. So on salary, you could work a ton, same pay. Work very little, same pay. Boss tells you to stay in the office when all work is available you could probably make a good argument for getting paid overtime since you may be over 40 hours a week. That's the dream. Reality is you're an at-will employee that they will fire at their whim. We're all fucked by the man at some point, we just don't always know when.


av-gas

They say exempt salary, but most jobs still have hourly requirements. So If you're only working 5 hours a day, you'll either get in trouble or pushed into PT. Unless you're at some sort of high level leader position, or you work some super speciality position where no one bothers you, most salary jobs, you will still have someone above you monitoring your activities. Now if you work more than 40 hours, they don't care. But they'll be pissed if they're paying you FT hours to work PT


Checktheusernombre

Yes, exempt literally means we don't care how long it takes, get the job done. That works both ways, not just when the employer wants to use it to get unpaid overtime.


Nynjafox

While I was in the Air Force we would have big mock deployment exercises every so often. Evaluators would come and, well, evaluate everything. They loved to find someone not doing anything and ask them tricky questions to stump and then right a negative review. The evaluators never bothered anyone who was busy though. So I started carrying a clipboard with a single piece of blank paper with me everywhere I went. If I noticed an evaluator looking my way I would glance at some cargo, then at my clipboard, make a scribble, and walk off like it was important. Never had anyone bother me.


YesAlwaysYess

Just make sure to get those early morning badge swipes. They do track those


northeast_fit

Clone the RFID and make little chips to drop into people's things. Now you're coming and going constantly, where the fuck is this person?!


thrice1187

Unfortunately my office makes you scan in and out of the building and if you leave early or show up late it sends an automated email to my boss. Yeah.. I’m a salaried employee too.


LawTeaDough

So much of American work culture is performative. Just appeasing stupid standards of "work ethic" by pandering and making appearances up to standard. Actual productivity is not even a priority for many companies. Optics is the primary goal of so many workplaces. Law enforcement even cares more about their image than protecting people.


No-Salt-5490

I’ve carried an empty cardboard box around before so ppl wouldn’t bother me. Nobody questions someone appearing busy.


DarthNihilus1

That's from Blind originally.


Dotaproffessional

I have a hybrid work-place. I can either work 100% in person, 100% remote, or somewhere in between, I just need to email hr with how often i'll be in the office and give a justification for it. I gave myself a 2/3 breakdown, but I usually go in everyday. but if I want to, i have the option to work from home. nobody keeps track of how often I work from home either. So any time I want to leave work early, i'm not "leaving" i'm "working from home the rest of the day"


gkoprulu

I once moved my apartment with a van and a single friend during a work day. Congratulations


DigiQuip

An old boss of mine would constantly have people who had no business taking up his time trying to meet with him. He was the director of IT so it was usually department heads trying to go over my head when I put my foot down on a policy they didn’t like. He would always be super diplomatic and maintain a good relationship with department heads but still default to what I told them. Usually saying something like, “if he told you that it’s probably because I told him that.” But they still tried to go avoid coming to me and go directly to him. Eventually, he’d just leave citing how much time was taken up by people who hated change. He’d go home or to which ever sports bar had good wings. He literally left his own office to get work done.


balsadust

Does not work too well for pilots. They frown on us leaving


macindork

I have the opposite problem; if people don't see me they assume I'm not working... working for an international company sometimes I travel for deployments... and like a loyal soldier I make sure my out of office is set and even tell leadership that "I'm out this week; doing a deployment" or integration at another site. Every time I get back... "How was your vacation?" or "Must be nice to not be in the office." I cannot roll my eyes hard enough any more.


zero0n3

Back in the day - there was a specific manager of mine who had a poster listing ten ways to look like your doing work but not be doing anything…. This sounds very similar. I’d love to find a picture of that poster because it had some good ones: - always carry a clipboard when walking in the halls, no one bothers someone with a clipboard. - bring two jackets to work, when you go to lunch people will see the one on your chair and think you are just working. And 8 others that I can’t remember but were absolutely gold.


HBRex

If you can bust ass and get a week worth of work done in 3 days. You should be allowed to take the rest of the week off. We'd see a lot less complacency at work I bet. People would hustle and be gone for 4 days.


7dayweekendgirl

Absolutely brilliant.