By - cbl8448
Very true. Once you can overcome a Somali mums emotional blackmail, not one person on the planet will be able to manipulate you.
Yes man, you have learnt the lessons of true manipulation. Everything else is a level below.
You see the red flags immediately on people
Getting there 😭
It’s okay you’ll get there. I used to see them red flags and run towards them because it was familiar shit instead of running away 😂
It’s hard not to, I idolised my mum especially due to her being a single mum which made me value her twice as much
I still love her, but now I see her as just another human being with their own faults and shortcomings rather than having her on a pedestal and thinking she’s perfect
Same with my mum! Over the years I’ve learned to see her in the same way you do yours
It's so hard not to fall for it 😭 but am trying to put my distance! I'll get there thanks
Same lol. Our mothers prepared us for life!
Don’t worry, it’s a process 😭
I believe in you x
Thank you 🤍🤍
Once I realized my parents are/would still be miserable with or without me- is when I dipped. They aren’t happy now so what makes you think you’re responsible for their happiness long term? Save yourself and set boundaries. Otherwise, you’ll end up miserable too.
I’m especially frustrated with my mom because she doesn’t take action or own her life. She’s been in the passenger seat of her own life since she got married. It’s her inability to take action that’s destroying her. I’m over it!
Yes, boundaries have been set, now the next step for me is to move out for my sanity. My mother also is a passenger in life adding that my dad is toxic making it a recipe of disaster. I'm grateful for having both parents alive, but why does it have to be this way? WHY.
I think a lot of Somali women just put up with all the bullshit and abuse due to family pressure and “what will other people think.” I think if our moms were financially empowered & received education our communities would be better off. Somali women are strong already but they need the resources & mental health support.
I long for a Somali woman Leader. We men need to step aside, we had our chance. More power to you women , less power for us men.
Look at the somali women in somalias parliament and gov, they are as corrupt, self serving and qabilist as the men, its literally only one women i know of that isnt and its maryam qassim, the rest of them are extacly like the men and have bought their way in
“You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. That is the somali women favourite quote who dug in the dirt of politics.
Living away from the family home is honestly the best. I’m never living with a parent again.
Good on you, i also need to join that club :)
Holy shit the way this exact realization has been on my mind lately...I can’t fix them
I'm a big fan of stoicism and NGL, learned it primarily from the stressors in my community. Am lucky my parents are pretty laid back, though they still wish I remained Muslim.
Somali children, even through adulthood, live a life with limited agency and ceeb culture makes it exceedingly hard to live their own lives ans do their own thangs.
That's cool you parents are laid back and they also know you are not a Moslem that's just the cherry on top.
A culture that restricts creativity and individuality is not for me. I'm glad this community exists while also knowing people like me do exists which don't believe in a cult called IsLaM.
Laakiin, where do the learn this from? They all use the same tricks 😳
I think in the past they shared a dugsi even though you know they hated it the traumatizing stuff have still stuck in the minds. You think since they immigrated these ideas will fly out of the window but no it has been reinforced by Somali parents watching these imams on YouTube , TV wherever they can get it. You think if they took a different approach by pausing religion stuff and educating themselves things then could've been better( especially Somali mothers). As for somali parents who didn't go to the dugsi those are the cool ones and are more likely to be more liberal than the counterparts but the beaming rays of ceeb culture from forever has put these people down so they either join the club or forever be an outcast. This is My theory.
I moved from the Netherlands to the U.K years ago and the U.K. Somali mums are heavy on the shaming culture compared to the Dutch Somali ones. So much so they told my mum that all her kids were too “free spirited “ and she tried to get extra religious on us to appease them
Excuse the somali mothers; it's the weather, the council estates and being surrounded by other somali people who think like that which reinforces is it. You can tell from the eyes they say stuff without fully perceiving it. It's like they are on auto-pilot mode. Other somali people having fun; NO can't have that let me drop my comment and give them some guilt. Sad stuff.