This is so so useful thank you so much ❤ the only difference is it's a little harder for me to just dip in and out because I live quite a few hours away, so I only go home for special events. Changing boundaries with family is genuinely so hard when you feel bad for your parents! I want to be able to respect my love and care for them while also respecting my own boundaries and needs. Very difficult and I'm grateful my therapist caters to immigrants from collectivist cultures navigating what we want to keep and what we want to discard from that heritage.


I would whole heartily advice you to not go if your dad is going to be there🥺


Your gut is telling you not to go so listen to your judgement


I’d say don’t go until they make it into a big deal and bargain with you to come home by coming up with a deal that works for you guys


I agree with some of the other comments, please be cautious. You should be on more stable grounds with your dad where he has come to accept your liberalism, before you visit Africa. Somalis don’t do honor killings but you never know. Especially your dad being an imam this is a huge part of his life, I would try to show yourself as a liberal Muslim and not an apostate. Sorry I know that all the lies get unbearable... I won’t let my parents ever know I am not Muslim


Edited my post to clarify I'm not going to Africa, just traveling within the west to visit family.


Never mind! Hope all goes well whatever you end up doing 🤍


I realised if people are indoctrinated it’s best to keep conversations short and sweet, hope this helps.


Boundaries boundaries boundaries. That is all I am going to say. Their pain is caused by them refusing to accept you. You have not done anything wrong.


Don’t go this is legitimately how people end up dead.


I'm not going abroad and my family aren't like that, I have zero fear of physical violence from them.


You only live once. Put them on a nice three-month block on your phone and fly off to Thailand for a vacation. "I didn't go home to my toxic parents that one time" is unlikely to be a death bed regret.


I know its a hard decision, but I think it will go better if they are with you in a more neutral setting rather than home. I am not sure what country you are from (and please don't reveal here), but there is also a risk that someone else takes offence and harms you. Just be careful.


Good to know seeing a counselor and suggest loooking into r/stoicism , setting boundaries and mindful meditation so you don't get triggered or anxious. Hugs!