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RepresentativeCat196

> He told me he never has been with any ajnabi other then eritrean and wouldnt marry someone that has been with people outside of this group. All somali men are like this for some reason it seems So many red flags. Also desperation isn’t a good look. So what you are 30? Does that mean you don’t have standards ? I am 30. I think you two are incompatible.


sithsidefarax

You seem mad judgemental and overly critical for him ngl, leave the brudda alone, you really irk me as an individual from the way you talk about your supposed man, I don't fuck with that energy


DauntlessCorvidae

What did she even say? She literally called him "her dream guy". She should be critical when looking for a life partner. Whats the problem?


freelancefikr

forreal, this whole post and this comment section is cringe. practically insults the guy the entire time then wonders if they’ll be able to change them OP that is not love and frankly it sounds like you need some more internal work—while you’re out here judging someone who sounds like has done the work and knows what they want out of life. leave him alone


sithsidefarax

Yh the subreddit pisses me off sometimes 🤣


Throwaway546som

Yeah she does, I get the vibe shes a social climber who focuses on getting money. It may be nice for her but at the same time hes life seems much more fullfilling then hers. Working is not the meaning of life


Citylights58

Why would you want to marry someone who would dump you for dating a white guy? He sounds like a POS. If "all Somali guys are like that" then those guys are all POS, right? You should look for the right man, not right ethnicity. You won't be able to change him, thats who he is.... Love is actually really easy. When you find the right one, you won't be unhappy, worried or dislike parts of them, hoping they will change. Age only matters if you want children and if thats the case, you can try dating more. Focus on the right guy and not ethnicity and you have a better chance of finding him.


Advicemecorrectyle

I dont understand it, Its a weird somali thing, I know some of my female friends who only date somali people who wont accept a somali men who has dateed ajnabi, I asked them why? and they told me its because they would feel like a second choice if someone spent all their young years dating ajnabi and then when they get older marry a somali women to please their mom Im looking for the right man, but the right man for me is somali xmuslim


Citylights58

I agree if she always knew him and he showed no interest but then would it be OK if he only dated Somalis? Maybe they think people who date ajnabi are not serious about marriage bc of Islam. The concept of dating outside of marriage is haram anyways, doesn't make it better if they were with a Somali. Somali xmuslim men are few and far between. Don't compromise all of your values for one of them. That one thing (ethnicity) will not do much of anything in helping sustain a relationship when your personalities clash, or you have different goals etc. That's how you end up unhappy. Finding a great guy you are compatible with and share the same goals with is of the highest importance.


sunsetmemories1

I don’t think he’s the one. And lying like you said is not a good way to a start a long-term relationship. So either be straightforward with him & or go your separate ways. I think a lot of women end up getting married because they’re “30” and feel like time is running out. I think you need to diversify your dating pool. I know it’s difficult finding liberal & xmuslim Somali men but that shouldn’t be the reason you settle. Being Xmuslim is only a small part compared to the rest of things he’s bringing to the table.


anonymous-somali

You don't go until a relationship to mould someone into your perfect partner. You do so because they, as they already are, work with you as you are. If he considers a trait, hobby, or belief of his to be a shortcoming, an important part of growth is working on himself healthily, until he can accept who he is as he is. If he already accepts and loves these parts of him, then it would be wrong to try and manipulate them away. You shouldn't lie. Be honest with yourself, move on, so that you both find peace.


Resom574

Why do you think getting with a foreign guy who you could be much more compatible with is "settling"? Are you really looking for a solution or just trying to keep him at all cost? Is someone who doesn't want to be with someone cause they've been with someone of another race really someone you want anything to be with? Ew, this whole situation seems a terrible idea to me. You are going at this for the wrong reasons by being in such scarcity mindset and trying to change him. While he's also trying to change you.


Advicemecorrectyle

I can understand him since some of my female friends have told me they feel the same, and that no one wants to be someones second choice. And i want a somali family, with somali culture and somali kids, anything else then that is settling


Resom574

Who is to say that it is really a "second choice" though? Actually people are said to tend to prefer their own race so if someone compatible of the same race was available the person would be with that someone generally speaking. So one's own race is generally the first choice. Also not everyone walks around looking for their own race or ethnicity, some people are simply looking for love no matter the person's race. So why be so judgemental and think that if someone was with someone of a different race it couldn't simply be that they met someone who they fall in love with. That idea is toxic and I'd suggest letting it go. Just look for qualities that actually really matter and that make a good partner. Rather than being stuck on trying to find a unicorn or the "perfect" partner.


Resom574

Also going by that reasoning you can think that you are what the third choice for him or the fifth choice depending on how many other women he's been with.


Throwaway546som

Wallahi, i dont know why but the thought of a somali man being vegan is so hilarious for me, Like literally never thought they would exist


ordeath

Vegan but eats bacon 🤡


Advicemecorrectyle

Part time vegan


urannoyingmee

You need to meet more Somali guys in that case bc Somali guys exist as everything


DauntlessCorvidae

It definetly sounds like it wont end well. Your value systems dont line up, his hang-up about who u might have dated in the past seems bizarre. Definetly tell him the truth, he might just be saying it but not really have thought it through. The hippie stuff is gonna be a problem if you cant accept it, dont assume you'll change anything. He might, with time, lose interest in "Dr" Sebi but will probably continue to be interested in other esoteric stuff. Also, he's vegan but eats bacon? Dont limit yourself to Somali guys, given what you're looking for, the pool is just too small. Best of luck!


Advicemecorrectyle

Yeah you right, Might be bizarre but seems normal to most somalis. And that hippie stuff is definetly deal breaker, Its seems more retarded then the muslim stuff. Hes a part time vegan. Hes gonna try to convert to full time vegan in the near future. We were once eating a sandwhich from subway and he could not shut up about the chicken and how it must have felt when it was "murdered" according to him. Not even slaughtered, The nigga really said murdered Thats not possible for me, I wont be able to live with or procreate with ajnabi, Its just my preference


DauntlessCorvidae

>hats not possible for me, I wont be able to live with or procreate with ajnabi, Its just my preference Fair enough, my point is that you have an extremely small pool of men left, if they need to be ex-muslim Somali, have a reasonably developed career and be compatible with you personality wise. It'll be hard enough, just as an educated Somali woman to find a Somali partner who can match your achievements, the added criteria make it a unicorn hunt. Not trying to be negative but you might have to be less discerning with such a small pool of potential partners.


ordeath

When some people come up with ridiculous deal-breakers it's another way of telling you they don't want to settle down with you... And with men I have also noticed they float absurd plans like quitting their jobs and driving around Germany in a minibus to also discourage their girlfriends from asking them to commit.


urannoyingmee

That part. When men REALLY WANT YOU and are certain of you, they’ll do absolutely anything and everything to keep you. No such thing as letting things go over mini dealbreakers like ‘you dated cadaan back in the day’ I always took it as a red flag if a man’s energy didn’t feel (positively) intense for me. No way I could date a man that didn’t borderline worship me 🤣🤣 lol jk but you know what I mean


mastermanifestorsss

No sis, you weren’t joking you were being serious & that’s ok 😂 if he ain’t obsessed, he ain’t the one


urannoyingmee

Lmao okay you caught me and facts 💀🤣


Advicemecorrectyle

>Wallahi i genuinely believe he would do that. He went to work in a farm in australia when he was 17 for four months and has backpacked through some asian countries. Hes to exciting, He needs stability


som_233

Seems like most of the things you bring up are not major red flags. Most people I know accept that their partner has weird thoughts/beliefs and understand they can't change them. Don't go into a relationship with lies and trying to change somebody. Accept him like he is or move on.


urannoyingmee

You sound a bit judgemental sis. Remember your partners don’t have to be exact replicas of you. As long as you’re accepting of each other and your core values align, let them exist as individuals, even if some aspects of their individuality doesn’t mesh with your own. If anything, it should be interesting and something that makes him stand out. I love being around people that are different to me for this reason even if their difference from me is odd. As for the thing he mentioned about not dating someone who hasn’t been with an ajaanib, I know it sounds easier said than done but if he really likes you, he wouldn’t let that be a barrier. Think of it this way, what’s the point of keeping a nigga that’s willing to let you go over something so minor? What are you gonna do when REAL relationship problems arise? Trust me, you’ll have REAALLLL problems that make this seem like ciyaar ciyaaleed. Also, I feel like you’re letting the number 30 get to your head too much. Stop being around weird and ageist people. I see this only in Somali (and other immigrant) women, fr niyada ayaa la idin ka jabiyey. I think you need to change your surroundings.


throwawayyy2po

He believe in crystals and living in a German mini bus it’s giving gaalo raac tbh. He sounded ok until that part. Maybe he will wake up from that euro fantasy maybe talk to him about it


IllustratorLong7199

I can't lie he seems like a very interesting person I can tell that's what draws you closer to him you like that strange sort of eerie behaviour. All in all life is wayyy to short to be pondering over such a choice either you roll with him and take he's nonchalant peace loving character with you or you dump him into the river and break his poor little heart:( Also honestly many ex muslim males are extremely feminine especially the somali ones tbh the kinda of man your looking for is only going to be a somali muslim one. Do girls agree with me when I say that all x muslim males are feminine or have traits of it at least 🤔


sunsetmemories1

What do you mean by “feminine”? They definitely don’t fit the traditional “Somali man” category but that doesn’t mean they’re feminine. I’ve noticed they have different interests, they’re more outgoing, friendly & seem more wholesome..etc. Also we aren’t looking for the toxic overly masculine Somali men. That’s what we are running away from. I find Somali men who don’t fit the traditional box very attractive.


Throwaway546som

They are so hot when they are different, It so hard to find one though, But once you do. I can barely control myself


IllustratorLong7199

Yes abaayo, I mean that most of us seem to be too emotional especially myself so I just thought that women don't like that shit. I know you don't want a toxic masculine man but you at least want a man with balls don't you. I agree majority of us are completely different to your average somali we are more westernised in a sense In terms of our hobbies and the way we interact with others. I personally would love to find the xalimo of my dream but unfortunately I keep getting rejected mostly likely due to my feminity sadly:(


sunsetmemories1

Well, having feminine qualities isn’t bad. I think everyone has a little bit of feminine and masculine energy so Never sell yourself short. If they’re rejecting you because of your authenticity than they were not meant for you. Always stay true to yourself and you’ll find the right person. The fact that you know yourself is important & will serve you well in the dating scene.


DauntlessCorvidae

Feminine??? Reading that outragous comment caused me to mess up an entire row in the cardigan im currently knitting. Thanks alot!


urannoyingmee

Soomaaha, it’s so weird. 😩 Trust me, that is NOT the reason why women are rejecting him. He’s probably clingy, on some ‘woe is me’ energy or some dumb shit


IllustratorLong7199

Did I hurt you little boy 🥺?


DauntlessCorvidae

You're impervious to sarcasm.


IllustratorLong7199

Just joking sxb my bad buddy


sithsidefarax

It's thinking like this that makes us go for cadaan women more everyday


IllustratorLong7199

Wtf mate I'm a guy and just stating something I noticed saaxib no need to get hurt even I show signs of femininity if I was to be brutally honest with myself and women don't like that regardless of the fact if they are Christian, muslim and atheist etc... women don't know what they want it's incredibly clear that Op doesn't like the feminine side of him but she either isn't saying it or doesn't know that's what's putting her off.


sithsidefarax

I see what you mean, I guess it's time we looked inside of ourselves as men and started to discuss compatibility with a woman rather than sexual attraction as a precursor to relationships. You'd ideally want it to last after all runtii. I recently came out of a relationship with a xalimo cos I enjoyed drinking and that may be something worth thinking about before you catch feelings etc. Little minute things like that may break it or make it..


Throwaway546som

Sounds just like my sister, We are judgmental people, and even nationalistic regarding private parts, If you really like him, i would personally lie, what he does not know, can not hurt him


One-Wrongdoer1110

I think you should put these lifestyle choices to the side and tune into the emotional connection between you to. The love is the most important factor, but that’s just me. Good luck walaalo🤍


OWSKID03

You’re not going to succeed in changing those things about him. Consider this, you found him a particular way and we’re attracted to him don’t try turn him to someone else who you may end up disliking. Also I see many women complain about PlayStation you may wanna dig deeper within yourself and ask yourself why certain past times bother you. Do you want a man or a puppet you can control? None of the things you mentioned are necessarily red flags from an objective point of view. Your own biases make them so. Either way don’t rush yourself into a relationship because you feel time is running out. It could end up being a costly mistake. Have you seen him angry? How does he react when things don’t go his way? Is he impatient? Plenty evidence exists to suggest Dr Sebi’s practices were somewhat questionable. How would he handle a friendly debate about Dr sebi? Some people lose it as they’re obsessed. I believe you’re focusing on the wrong things when trying to find a partner. The things you mentioned don’t determine whether or not he will make a good partner for you.