By - ParkFew
I and most somalis have been sent back to somalia or kenya. You are in london now. You need to make as much noise as you can now, it’s so crucial. She doesn’t seem to care about furthering your education.
I know you are young and threatening your mum with the police and social services sounds ludicrous but you need to do this abaayo.
You are not caasi, disrespectful or a bad child because you refuse to be kidnapped. Yes kidnap, your mother IS trying to kidnap you. Her intention doesn’t matter, you are 17 and you have the capacity to make your own choices. You are under 18 so social services will get involved if they find out.
I’m sure your mother is aware of all those daqan celis places like luqman al hakim. You didn’t mention if she’s staying with you the entire time or if she’s leaving you there. There’s this video of two british somali women talking about their experiences in luqman al hakim, i’ll try to find the video. You need to sit down with your mum and watch the video.
I know this is very alarming and might scare you. That’s not my intention. I wish someone told me to speak up for myself when my mom first brought up this topic. I trusted her and i was blind sided.
I am so sorry you even have to come to this sub reddit with this, you are a child and you shouldn’t be dealing with this.
If you’re too scared to speak up. The least you could do is tell a friend about this. My friend was how the police and social services brought me back to the uk. Look after yourself ❤️
EDIT - I forgot to mention. There’s posters inside bathroom cubicles in the airport about fgm and forced marriage. They were there the last time i was at london heathrow which wasn’t too long ago. If all else fails airport staff will help you. KEEP A METAL OBJECT ON YOU. Tucked into your trousers. The metal detector will go off and they’ll take you into a room and you’ll be able to tell them 😊
Yeah look up "luqman al hakim dhaqan celis". I wouldn't say watch it with her, she might have no issue with it and try to manipulate you into going. Or say she's taking you elsewhere where you could still suffer. So watch out, your safest and the most free where you are especially if you're an ex muslim.
I’m glad you’re back.
Mind me asking what happened to your family once you were brought back?
not much because i was pressured by other family members to keep quite and to say i ‘exaggerated’ and lied. There was back and forth ‘interviews’ and social visits for about a year.
I see. Are you still in contact with them?
This was years ago i’m not in contact with anyone but 2 of my siblings and mother. Rocky relationship with my mother but i don’t live with her.
Hide your passport. No passport means you won't be able to go anywhere.
Do NOT go. They can oppress, beat you up, whatever there. They'll act all nice while you're here and the moment you set foot there hell can break loose. It has happened to others already. Absolutely not, you just stand your ground if you want to ensure your safety.
Im a man im telling you dont go. Its different out there for women. This shit obviously aint that normal family visiting crap. Get your passport and hide it its your key to staying bruise free
Don’t capitulate because a year could turn into two with these types, especially if you’re posting on this subreddit. Keep in mind that at the end of the day you cannot be physically forced to go. You’ll be an adult soon so keep your head up.
My biggest concern for you isn’t really your hooyo trying to take you back home, it’s your lack of confidence in you to say no.
People, including your family will prey on this lack of confidence for the rest of your life.
Ka fogow/distance yourself and learn to say no.
Big fax Wallahi. Somalis love to prey on low self confidence & esteem. Sickos the lot of them
I guarantee you, the only reason the hooyo is even considering Somalia is bc she knows her daughter is going to give in to the pressure 😔 Had she known she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t even have entertained the idea bc she’d be terrified of the consequences (police and social services) she’d face.
I know this bc my hooyo explained this side of Somali waalid to me.
OP is only 17 so I don’t blame her but she needs to say NO. This isn’t a typical ‘learn to set boundaries’ situation.
I wish her the best
Thanks for the insight. What else did you mother say about that side of Somali waalid? I’m interested to learn more.
That they care more about having their feelings validated than what you actually do. I’ve tried this and seen that it works.
They just want to be verbally sucked up to. I don’t believe in this though bc it’s too fake but it works 🤣
You’re actually so right 😂 but a** kissing is just not for me
Same, it’s not for me either. I’ve learnt to validate her feelings in other ways though
No that's very true some people have the backbone of a fish and it's pretty depressing because the zoomali hyenas will prey on such kind and soft people.
Very true, although I can’t blame this person as they’re only 17. They’re still learning to set boundaries, especially with family. I just hope that they take what we’re saying seriously
Plain and simple, tell her you want to stay in the UK. If she asks why, tell her you don't want to discuss it. If she tries pressuring you then try to get recordings of it and reach out for help if you feel you need it. Do you have your documents and IDs with you along with digital copies somewhere safe?
Why do you feel the need to convince her? There’s no need to convince, you just say no. What’s she gonna do? Hire a private plane? 😩🤣
She won’t do anything. If home becomes too hostile, apply for SFE and move into accommodation. She can’t stop you.
you’re 17, about to be 18 which means you are legal. no one can force you to go anywhere since you’re not underage, remember that YOU have the power to say no and stand your ground. unfortunately alot of somali parents use fear and their power to scare their children into submission and listen to them, but you’re almost eighteen and you have every right in the world to say no.
also idk but depending on where you’d go, i’d be scared because FMG is still a thing and unless your mom is a modern somali who doesn’t practice that, i would be scared.
**You live in the UK, if you don't want to go then don't go.**
This can be a difficult thing for people to grasp but you need to think about your well-being walalo and forget everything about the culture and how the family will perceive you.
**I would say try these things:**
1. Tell your mom you don't want to go.
2. Hide your passport from her. No passport no traveling.
3. Wait till you're 18 then you're legally an adult and can move out. If you go to UNI you can get student finance which might help with rent and get a side job.
4. If all else fails get the police involved or contact organizations to assist you. If they force you. When you get to the airport, you can also speak to the staff there and the crew.
solid advice. I hope op read this, i forgot to mention point 4. There’s posters inside bathroom cubicles in the airport about fgm and forced marriage. They were there the last time i was at london heathrow which wasn’t too long ago. If all else fails airport staff will help you. KEEP A METAL OBJECT ON YOU. Tucked into your trousers. The metal detector will go off and they’ll take you into a room and you’ll be able to tell them 😊
just apply to uni next year when you’re in year 13 and apply to move out into student halls.
Do. Not. Go. Abaayo mcn don’t. Tell her you don’t want to and that it’ll interfere with your life. If she starts wilding out, don’t react. Try to focus on what could potentially happen if you go (the places they have for dhaqan celis out there are so fucking cruel, including the quran macalins) and fight tooth and nail for it. There is absolutely no need to convince her. Hold your ground and make sure that you communicate to anybody that she tries to send to you to “convince” you that you ARE baari and that you would go BUT you wanna attend uni and can learn somali/quran in London on your own time and that you’ll add that to your focus on the side but will not travel away for it. I promise you even the adults on her side will see your reasoning and that’ll make more sense to them because you’re almost 18 and it’s the perfect time to attend uni, why redirect an ambitious teenager? It literally just sounds like sabotage. And tell them you’ll learn quran or af somali in the UK even if you don’t plan on it.
Do not go. It's very oppressive to what you are used to. Get into another collage, do a different course and use that as an excuse not to go. Do you know what her plans are while you are there? Not to scare you , but I have heard of arranged marriages etc.
Don’t convince her. Tell her you simply aren’t going. If you are a child , contact children’s services if she starts being abusive. Do not leave the country. It might be dhaqan celis. Your use of sixth form suggests to me you are in the UK which means you will be fine if she takes the piss! It is always a good idea to have your own money too.
Hide the passport and act dumb.
Lie and say something like you were early accepted to uni. Or find a family memeber/friend your mom respects and get them to convince her for you to not go.
Make a copy of your passport, birth certificate, and other identity documents and store them in the cloud in a separate email account your mom doesn't know.
Have a trusted friend ready to wire you money when you are a legal adult.
You just might never be allowed to return and be put in a dhaqan celis camp and possibly abused for being too ajnabi.
I suggest u seek advice from someone who knows u and ur relationship with ur family people will give u advice based on their particular experience. Could be a good experience for u or maybe not this is sum u gotta decide on ur own whilst considering everything.
You need to be assertive and refuse to go. You are not disrespecting your mother or being disobedient by making decisions about your future, where you want to live and setting boundaries, they are your rights as a human. So dont feel guilty for standing up for your rights. Contact your local council's social services for advice, there will be a record you sought help at 17 and if things escalate badly, they will rehome you in the future. Also dont allow your younger siblings be taken back home. Good luck.