I wish the world for this man
By - raxisjeff1971
Grieving is such an on going process. No matter the time length; it still hurts the same when triggered.
Yep, you never get over it, you just get used to it.
"Go then, there are other worlds than these."
I will see you in the clearing at the end of the path
As a tower junkie who lost his wife less than two years ago. This phrase goes through my head all the time. It made me feel a little less alone. Thank you!
I also lost my wife less than 2 years ago, after 34 years of marriage. I never know what is going to trigger me.
OMG - I rarely see a Dark Tower reference on reddit! Thanks for making my day- may you have long days and pleasant nights Sai
I wanna chuck a brick at you from a second story window
Which Susanna will I be? I vote crazy. She was amazing.
I just started listening to the books on audible. Its super interesting to listen to the books, I get a different perspective and visuals than what it has been in my 10-15 years of rereads. My 3/4 sleeve is based on The Dark Tower!
You got a pic of that?
Its the abandoned lot
Pretty todash tbh.
That’s amazing! I love it.
>We hold that place in our hearts,
we close it off, we lock the door, visit from time to time.
But we never move on, even after we've said goodbye.
Agents of shield is underrated as heck
Grief is like a button that gets pushed.
At first, the button is big and lots of things are pushing it.
The button gets smaller over time, but it's always there -- and you never know when something will hit it just right.
My wife passed away in November 2020 at the age of 33. It is really hard listening to most music now because everything reminds me of her. Meals, smells, colors, movies/tv shows we used to watch, just about everything hits the button in some way. I know I will never truly get over it. I just cannot wait to see her again someday. Thank you for this. Much Love.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. I hope you can find some happiness in those things again one day.
I had a close friend die six years ago now. We worked together and used to listen to music together while we worked. A large part of our day was picking songs. I spent the first year in silence. I still don't sing along as much as I used to.
Came to the comments to say this. I know I’ve “moved on” from my dog dying in March, but out of nowhere a thought or memory can immediately push that grief button. I’ve learned to let the feelings flow and then just move on. Accepting that it’s okay when it inevitably happens again. I feel this goes for any kind of grief or loss.
I lost mine 2/2020, a few weeks before we all learned the word coronavirus. I've broken down twice in the last month, first at the mention of getting another dog, and again at some pet food commercial. I have to admit I'm surprised at the level of emotion this can still generate...I'm not generally known as an "emotional person" at all.
“What is grief, if not love persevering.”
This. I lost my wife of 5.5 years back on August 9th. I'm getting used to her not being here. It still hurts though.
It becomes familiar. Lost two brothers a year and three months apart at 27 and 28. Life's never gonna be the same but you just learn to deal.
One of my favorite bands said it well.
"And it probably won't get easier, just easier to hide
Prepare for an aching, for the rest of your life"
I can go about ten days without crying over my dad dying. It's been 11 years. 6 years ago I couldn't go 3 days. Progress, I guess?
I have found, with grief and loss, that the important thing is to change one's perspective on that loss.
We carry this belief that the goal in life is always to be happy and undisturbed. that it is the ideal to never be bothered and to never have troubles, and that any deviations from that path is a lesser experience.
But the reality is that, while profound grief can disable and incapacitate you, the lingering grief of the loss of a loved one is no bad thing. It can be, while not a pleasurable experience, a *meaningful* one, one that we should not run from but embrace. One that we should not be angry with ourselves for experiencing, and try to be rid of it, but one that we should integrate into our being.
To grieve is to have loved, and as such, is a reminder both of *that* love that once *was*, but *also* of our capacity to love again. Sometimes we allow grief to prevent ourselves from reaching out, from connecting once again, but we should train ourselves to do the opposite. To, when we grieve, compel us to reach out again, to find love again despite the pain, to find love *because* of the pain, because pain will always exist in life with or without us, but *love* is the light we can bring into that existence for ourselves, and for others.
When one exercises, one feels, during and after, both pain *and* pleasure. The pain of aching, stressed and tested muscles, but also the pleasure of a feet accomplished, of a battle won, of a gauntlet run.
Grief, similarly, is a paradox both because it reminds us of our most supreme happiness, but in doing so, gives us the profound sadness of knowing that that love no longer remains.
It is a question, again, of perspective. True, our love came and went, but *we* are still here. We are still here, and if we were capable of love once, we are capable of it once again. Grief becomes, not a handicap, but a compellant to act, to reach out, like the roots of a tree, to search for love again, just as the hungry roots reach out for more water after consuming such moisture that is around it.
We will only have one father, this is true. And one will never, *should* never, forget one's father once they have passed.
But that grief presents an opportunity. A chance to to, like chemical bonds once broken, take the energy that is released from that broken bond and forge *new* bonds, more bonds, stronger bonds. To take the most beautiful part of that relationship and invest it in relationships with others. To switch roles and be the father to a child, a friend, a student. Whomever else out there already in your life, or maybe yet waiting to be, they have the potential to receive this new bond, to benefit from the love of a good person.
We who feel grief are, by definition, those who remain. The worst has come, and we are still alive, and in being alive we carry with us the dream of a world that is more full of that love which we have lost, for like energy love can never be destroyed. Only transformed. Love to grief is one such transformation, but it need not be a permanent one. One can take that energy and transform it into love once more, and through that purposeful effort, we can all create a world where love is abundant, and the loss of it creates not *fewer* connections between people, but *more*.
In life your father built a bridge to you through love, that great and mysterious connector of the isolated universes that are the conscious self, and across that bridge he gave you love, and kindness, and deepened your understanding of the world and life, and showed you what could be.
And now his memory can be a seed. A blueprint for building that bridge, and opportunity to plant love in the minds of others. Family, friends, strangers waiting to be known. You could not feel grief were it not for first feeling love, and so the presence of grief provides you the chance change the love a son *receives* from his father, into the love that *you* give to those in your life.
All of us will die, one day, and none of us have the slightest control over how much or how little grief and hardship the world will bring us. Sometimes the injustice of how difficult our lives are compared to others is enough to paralyze you with rage and despair.
But no matter how great the trouble one encounters, being alive means you can act. You are a piece on the board. You have the power to take what happens to you and to transform it, to make it your own, and to act on it according to how *you* would like the world to be.
Grief, in the end, is not the villain. Grief is painful, true, but it is a part of love, it is made of love, of the energy of love, and with time, and wisdom, and practice, it can be channeled back into love, spread back into the world to once again benefit oneself and those around you.
The true villain - perhaps the only real villain - is despair. Despair is paralysis. It robs us of our agency and our will to act. Grief comes to you in the memory of those you once loved, but despair is the phantom that lurks behind their image, ready to cut your hamstrings and tie you down if you let it.
Embrace grief, because it is the memory of love, the energy of love. Embrace it, and do not hate yourself for feeling it. When you turn your back on your grief, when you run from it, you expose yourself to despair.
But when you *accept* your grief, when you accept *yourself* for grieving and *allow* yourself to grieve, to truly grieve, to feel the loss and not allow that loss to make you hate life, you expand your being, you deepen your wisdom, strengthen your resiliency, honor the memory of those you have lost, and enable yourself to redirect the energy of that love back into the world around you.
Sometimes while sitting on my porch in the evening, drinking my drink and staring out at the trees, entirely unbidden, I will feel a wave of grief rise up for someone long gone and buried. Who can tell what random neurological processes brought it up - perhaps there was a reason, or perhaps it was merely the randomness inherent in a complex system.
Now I know many people for whom a similar experience would be disturbing for them. They will try to champ down or choke back that wave of grief. They will be angry at themselves and at the memory for ruining their evening, and will flee their chairs and reach for a distraction.
But when I feel myself feeling grief, I do not run from it, no matter how new or old the grief. I allow it to make me sob and do not hate myself for sobbing. I accept it, encourage it as I remember the details of that loved one I have lost. Their mannerisms, the things they did and said that made them noble, or even the things that made them ignoble. The things they did for me. And in doing so I think of those in my life that I can do things for, and soon I'm not sobbing any longer but am reaching for a phone to call this person or that person, or being reminded of a woodworking hobby I've wanted to take up just as my grandfather had, and before you know it, I am *living*. And this is the real power of embracing one's grief and accepting the changes it brings, not as a darkness, but as a new and more intricate shape to love itself.
And if you try it, I believe you'll find, far from ruining your evening, you are *happier* for it. Connected for a moment to that deepest well within yourself, that well of love that connects us to that sense of awe and wonder we feel when presented with the connectedness of all things to al things.
There are no end to the cliches about love, about how it is a miracle, or a deity, or what have you, and this certainly just goes to show that is a universal experience to the human condition, transcending time, cultures, societies, and all those other real or imagined boundaries around us.
But if I were to offer a justification for calling it miraculous, it would be this: love, unlike anything else we know of in the universe, is one of those things that, the more you give out, the more you radiate into the darkness, the more you *have*. It is the only perpetual motion machine. It may not be able to power a light bulb, but it can power *us*.
Thanks for this
Ugly crying over here.
My dad took his own life in 2018. I cry every other day at the thought of it. I still think about how he will never be at my wedding, won't be there when I graduate college, won't be there when I have my first child, etc. This post really put it all into perspective. I need to remind myself to also think about all the fun we would have, how he would always make me smile and that things weren't always painful.
**Thank you so much for this.**
Hey man, I’m a dad to two boys. I’m sorry about your dad, and even though he took his life, I’m sure he thought about you constantly and that was the hardest part of the decision. But that decision is filled with demons unfortunately. I’m sure he wants the best for you but with depression people feel they are more of a burden for people around them than if they were in their life. He loves you. Sending virtual hugs your way.
Oh man. More ugly crying over here. Thank you so much for your kind words.
I’m so sorry. That sucks. But all those things that you’re doing- your graduation, your wedding, your family are ultimately about you and the people you share them with. Whoever those people are.
People love you in this world and they may not be the people you came with, but they love you nonetheless.
This had me sobbing but I needed to read it. Thank you.
I’ve read numerous descriptions/explanations for grief since my father passed away in 2015. Broadly along the lines of ‘it’s love in a different shape’ which I found comforting and helped both me and my sister deal with the trauma of the experience.
It helps to an extent, but what I like about this post is that it takes that a step further in exploring what happens after acknowledging this and how to turn something so exquisitely painful into something wholesome and positive. Recycling the pain into something lovely.
To anyone out there going through this now I think this is the best approach I have seen to date, but understand that it takes time and it is ok and completely normal feel broken in the meantime.
This is such a beautiful way of looking at grief and love. Thank you.
Someone posted this on reddit a while back and I really liked it.
"They say that grief is love that has no home."
It’s comments like this that deserve my free awards yet it’s always stupid videos that actually get them
This might be the most emotionally intelligent thing I’ve ever read, thank you.
Didnt expect to read something this profound on this sub.
My grandma passed over decades ago. She helped raised me. Til now, I always dream about her. Sometimes I realize Im only dreaming because Ill remmber that shes gone, and I wanted to hold on to the dream longer, but I usually wake up after realizing it's a dream.
“What is grief if not love persevering” -Vision
Just wow, you perfectly laid out my way to cope with grief and sadness, which nobody around me understands. They always think im indifferent and cold to certain events, just because I focus on the positive parts of a situation or think about the good times with someone.
Thank you so much!!
I would also add that it helps to look at time as a *spiral* rather than a circle. When something bad happens to me I sometimes feel grief, and then for some reason my brain decides to think about this other time I felt grief, and then another, and another. And I have to remember that though the place I am right now may be similar to those places in my past, or even very close to them, I am not in the same place. I am slightly different, and I have learned things since then, and just as before, when I'm ready to move on I will.
I think a lot of people get stuck feeling life is a circle and then having a really hard time moving on because they really do think they're in the same place when they're not, but they lack the perspective to see this.
I also like the idea of a spiral because if you take that from 2D and move it into 3D like a spiral staircase (or slide) it also explains how once you start sliding/falling down it's so much easier to just let yourself slide down, and how if I choose to climb instead it IS harder, but it is also exercise, and the more I climb the better I get at it. That's not to say I can't rest now and then, but to say that while I can rest I also need to be wary of losing my momentum and letting myself slide for too long.
Before Cheryl Strayed wrote *Wild* she wrote an extraordinary advice column. If I were she I’d say something comforting and wise and call you Sweet Pea. I am not, but I can give you a hyperlink.
“‘It will never be okay,’ a friend who lost her mom in her teens said to me a couple years ago. ‘It will never be okay that our mothers are dead.’”
The worst part of it all (and I know it's all in my head) is I became so much more than he expected. He mentored me, and 2 hours after I buried him, I got on a plane and struck a business deal that forever changed my future. My life became bigger than I ever imagined. I would give anything to show him around and make him proud. He would never want for anything. Just terrible, terrible timing.
This echos the tweet in the original post. Now that my best friend has been gone for 2 years, the loss has settled in, but what hurts the most and rips the scab off time and again, are the new experiences that I will never share with her. The song I know she would love, the meme I know would make her laugh, the political scandal that would have made her purple with rage, the meal I cook that I wish I could share with her. It's the little daily things that I think, " XXXX would love this, I should call and share it with her", and for an instant she's still alive and then in that instant, she dies again. I miss her.
My parents died when I was a teenager and I still cry about it and hate myself when I get a quiet moment. If it helps, you are not alone.z
And you are never alone.
Tomorrow is the anniversary of my dads passing. The first one. He just couldn’t quite cope with my moms passing two years before, I miss that man everyday.
Lost my dad 3 months after my mom passed away from cancer so I feel your pain. They were like a singular unit so it does not surprise me that they essentially went together. They passed at the end of 2019/beginning of 2021 so I’m in year 2 of the grieving process and it’s so different. I’ve already been through all of the holidays and anniversaries so now it’s trying to figure out how to live the rest of my life without them. Stay strong buddy, you’ll find your way and make them proud!
We have each other. You lean on me. I'll never hide from you.
I heard someone describe grief as a button in a box with a rock rolling around in it. Every time the rock rolls over the button, you feel grief and pain. When we first experience loss the rock is huge and it fills the whole box, but it gets smaller and smaller over time. The button never goes away, it just gets pushed less often
My father died over 50 years ago and while I don't think of him all that often any more, just yesterday it occurred to me that I won't stop mourning him until I die.
About 2 1/2 years after my grandad died, at Christmas time, I was listening to the radio in my car and halfway through one of the generic Christmas songs (I was singing along and smiling) I suddenly remembered he would play it at Christmas. Had to pull over to sob for a while :(
Now it's been 3 years and the other day I realised he would never see me get married (I'm not even engaged) and had a big cry.
Grief is rubbish!
Milestones on our lives that they will never witness.
Exactly this! My brother is about to have his first child, I know my grandad would have loved to meet the little man and it would have meant the world to my brother. Such a happy moment but with a tiny cloud over it :(
I had a girlfriend that committed suicide when I was 17. I'm 21 now. The analogy that makes me remember that it's ok to feel pain after years is the ball in the box analogy. [this](https://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/talking-about-death-and-dying/why-grief-is-like-a-ball-in-a-box/) helped me understand that it's ok to still have feelings no matter how long after you lose a person.
I think you may want to rephrase the first sentence, because while I get what you meant in your head, that is not what you wrote down.
Thank you so much for sharing. This is really helpful. With Father's Day approaching, my grief ball is pretty big right now. It doesn't weigh as much as it used to, but it's always there.
It’s never goes away. It just gets easier.
It’s like a skin graft that just eventually becomes part of you. There’s a scar, but it is also just *you*.
For worse, absolutely. But also for better.
I think our souls are less individuated, more fungible, than Western religion typically does. I often wonder if some piece of my best friend did in fact become part of me when he left this plane, or I just tried to embody him more.
Does it matter?
My dad just passed in 2019 and my mom is going to be like this forever and I hate it. Why did he have to go and leave her.
Im sorry for your loss.
What was his name, what was he like ? I'd love to hear about him.
The 'ball in the box' analogy sums it up really well
[Ball in the Box](https://twitter.com/LaurenHerschel/status/946887540732149760)
Love and grief are one in the same almost, it’s just that person isn’t there anymore
God damn that hits close to home.....I get this...
Once read that the intense pain of grief is due to the love we can no longer give. Was crushed when I lost my dad, and this hit home.
I relate to this too much. It’ll be ten years in July and I am not okay
10 years in August for me. Going to drive by the lake he drowned in for the first time this summer, trying to mentally prepare for it.
Rooting for you.
You’ve got this. It’s okay to feel nothing, it’s okay to feel everything. Your heart and brain are working overtime to try and protect you and process the best they can and sometimes they don’t immediately know how. Just know that they are working together to support you
I think it’s also okay to feel all sorts of unexpected and confusing emotions too. I know my grief can be very angry at times, when I feel angry about the “unjustness” of a loss. Sometimes I have to let that anger burgeon a bit and run it’s course before I can really move past that moment of upset. But I think it’s normal to do this and try to kindly remind myself that I shouldn’t feel shame for feeling those angry emotions.
I always feel like the anticipatory grief is harder than the actual thing itself (but that’s just me — it hits us all so differently). I’ve been in a lot of triggering situations—I had nursing clinicals on the hospital floor he died on—and it was almost worse beforehand than when I actually got there.
I just got a new job, at a hospital. Somehow, because the hospital changed hands recently, it didn’t occur to me that the place where I was going to go to do my pre-employment paperwork was the office he used to work at. **That** gutted me. I don’t think anyone noticed but I was choking back tears filling out my forms.
All this being said, my best friend died when I was 19 and I still haven’t been able to drive past the spot. Last time I saw it was a candlelight vigil my friends had the night after she died. That was 23 years ago, and it’s in my hometown. I avoid it. So I really feel for you. It takes a lot of courage to face … this. All of this. It sucks. There’s so much more to say here, but it all boils down to *this is still so hard and it sucks*, and from one widow to another, my heart breaks for you.
Take care. I hope your trip past the lake is healing and you find some peace. ❤️
10 years in August for me as well. I’m not looking forward to that day.
I wish you the best
I hope you can look the grief in the eye, honor it, go through it, and come out the other side. I hope you find your strength and your peace.
11 years in July since my 14yo son died in my arms after an accident, 9 years this past Monday since my dad died in my arms after 5 days in a coma. We're all gonna be alright. I hope you find peace and happiness again
I hope you find happiness again, too. Your comment, despite describing such a terrible experience, is full of love. To love and to be loved, that’s all there is life, isn’t it?
I’m sure both your son and your father were extremely lucky to have you in their lives. They were lucky to be the target of all your love.
Please accept this virtual hug. I’m rooting for you ❤️
Thank you for the sweet sentiment. I AM happy, very much so, and I hope the same for you and everyone else
“Death smiles at us all, but all a man can do is smile back” - Marcus Aurelius
I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your child, no parent should have to bury their child - I hope you’re doing well and finding peace day to day.
Yeah. Eight years since I lost April (if she hadn't died we'd be married now), and every now and then it just slams into me out of the blue. Thank gorram Elvis my wife understands.
7 years since I lost my mom. My sister just had a baby and I just keep thinking about how excited my mom would be about it.
Let me know if you want to do a zoom dinner?
12 years here, I miss her so much every day :-(
I am truly so sorry for your loss but I mainly came here to tell you that your username is fucking awesome. I often dream about being able to tie the ayatollah’s beard hair around his nipple to then give him a good titty twister
Before Cheryl Strayed wrote Wild she wrote an extraordinary advice column. If I were she I’d say something comforting and wise and call you Sweet Pea. I am not, but I can give you a hyperlink.
“‘It will never be okay,’ a friend who lost her mom in her teens said to me a couple years ago. ‘It will never be okay that our mothers are dead.’”
This feeling! My husband was a big Star Wars fan and it upset me that he missed the new movies.
My son too. He never got to see the last few, we watched Han Solo while he was dieing at home. One of the many things that will make me randomly burst out crying.
My dad died before the Han Solo one came out. I cried in the theatre watching it.
He was only 4 when he died, but had built a huge love of everything Star Wars. The remaining films coming out were so hard to watch knowing he wasn’t next to me.
I’m so sorry for your loss. That pain is unimaginable. But you’re here and I commend you for staying strong and living your life.
It's tough and it is the little things. I remember using up the last of a bottle of hot sauce my husband bought and sitting bawling in the kitchen.
My mom was a diehard Cubs fan who passed the year before they broke a decades long curse to win the world series. So bittersweet to watch the games.
That is heartbreaking
I have crohns so hospital trips aren’t unusual. The last time I was laying in bed for like the fourth week. A thought just hit me, how sad would it be to be a hardcore Marvel fan and never get to see how the movies tie stuff up, see where it goes and so on. Life is a beautiful, fleeting thing. No matter how long we get, it’s never enough.
Same here. My brother was a big stock market fan and he passed in December, shortly before all the Gamestop shenanigans which would have made him absolutely lose his mind
Man, he missed it!
Smh, paper handed bitch.
No but seriously, my condolences friend.
This broke my heart. My dad's in the same situation. He really has done well. People marvel at it. Pre-COVID, he volunteered at three different places, went to the gym three days a week, worked at our minor league baseball games in the summer, and plants and maintains a huge garden every year. He travels, he spends time with friends and family. But I know he misses her every day. Rest in peace, Mom. You were so loved, and you still are.
I can’t imagine this. The thought of losing my wife is unbearable. So impressed by your dad.
It's when you know that your partner would want you to continue to live your life. I know I want this for mine if I die.
Damn, this hit me right in the feels. I'm so sorry for your loss and I give my condolences. If ya wanna talk, my PMs are always open bud.
I remember there used to be a customer at my old job who picked up medicine for his dying wife, and he stopped coming. I was taking a shift elsewhere in the store and ran into him, and I started talking to him. We talked for a while and I remember him buying a cake and just mentioning that it was "perfect to share." when someone asked him how it was. I gave him my condolences and called him by his last name and he just smiled back nodded and said "Please, call me Henry." and I never saw him again.
Yeah. Before he left I told him the usual thing we did for customers and I added "Take care of yourself, Henry." at the end.
It hits me out of the blue. The other day I burst into tears in the left hand turn lane because my mom would’ve loved the idea of an InstaPot. Dunno, but I wanted to tell her about them. She died almost 13 years ago, long before they existed.
I used to write letters to people who passed away. Then I'd fold up the letter and mail it by tossing it in the fire. Watch the ashes rise like it's being sent to heaven. It did help.
This is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen today. Thanks for this!
i agree, u/cuminanimals
even though i’m an atheist I still think this could be effective for me. even if i don’t think it’s going to heaven, i believe i’ll still feel like i’ve sent it. bookmarking this
I feel for you.
Sometimes I'll come across a new fragrance that I know my dad would love, making a mental note that I should get it for him. Then it hits me.. My dad's not here anymore. He's been gone for 3 years now.
Your comment made me cry. I hope you are well
It’s hits so random sometimes. Granted it’s only been a little over a year for me.
But I can be feeling good. And then I look down and somehow one of her hairs is on my sock.
And it’s a nice reminder that she was here, but then it hits that she’s gone
Best wishes! No one is ever really gone if we carry them in our heart and soul.
I’m so sick of the stabbing pain every time I’m reminded she’s no longer here.
I work at the post office and today a lady came in to mail her husband’s ashes (yes, you can do that). I gave my condolences and tried to make the transaction as easy as possible since she was already holding back tears but she broke down when it came time to pay. She pulled out a credit card and realized it was his and she just lost it.
I felt so bad for her and had to stop myself from crying too.
I know it sounds cliche but tell your loved ones you love them as often as you can. Parents, siblings, spouses, friends, pets, whatever.
I tell my gf and my cats that I love them every time I leave or enter a room lol. I'll even randomly run to where she is in the apartment and hug her and tell her I love her lol.
I was thinking about this the other day! I cried just thinking about it, I feel so bad for him.
One smell, one quick feeling, and a lifetime can come flooding back
this makes me want to isolate myself so badly. i’m so attached to my mother that I’ve been having severe anxiety and panic attacks since age 10 just imagining her death, and still do to this day. i’m 18 now. i have always comforted myself by the thought that i would kill myself as soon as she died because the pain of living without her would be too unbearable to suffer. but i don’t know if i’m strong enough. i have no doubt in my mind the pain, panic, terror, hopelessness will be enough pain to kill myself over, but i don’t know if i can’t actually *do it*.
knowing this, it just seems so much easier to be alone. i won’t be able to handle losing her, i don’t want to go through losing anyone else.
I feel this.
I have no clue how I would function without my *much* better half!
My fiancée just left me after 10 years last week, I have been head over heels in love with her and felt closer to her every year. I’m at the lowest I’ve ever been in my life, lost my best friend, partner and all of my future. It’s not the same as death, but I feel like a lost a huge part of me I’ll never recover.
Why am I saying this on your comment? Cherish your SO. Treat every day like it’s your last together. Make sure they know every damn day how much they mean to you and take a moment out of your day to make sure they are happy. I’d give everything for just one more day, so make it count.
Oh man dude I'm so sorry. 10 years is a loong time. You are probably really going through it right now. It's totally ok, and probably healthy, to grieve for a bit.
I lost my fiancee after nearly 5 years together last summer so I can sympathize with your situation. For me, it took a couple months before I was ready to pick myself back up. I still have so many moments of "wishing she were here" to share a laugh or an inside joke or whatever. But I have taken the good and the bad and all of the growing done from that relationship and, as you will, I am finding myself again, stronger than ever. Best wishes dude, I know it sucks.
Hey thanks a ton. Yeah, I’m feeling totally devastated currently. It’s been so long since I’ve been alone, and she left me in our house surrounded by all our stuff and is just out enjoying life and having a blast every night. Very different from what I’m experiencing. It’s definitely something I’m having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now, even though I know it’s there. Obviously nothing helps, but it’s still comforting to hear others go through it and come out ok in the end so thanks for the encouragement.
You didn’t lose your future, friend. You unlocked a new one!
Same. It’s funny I went through life without him for most of life but now I can’t imagine a day without him.
Falling in love was the stupidest thing I've ever done, someone mentions losing their SO and my heart drops. The idea of life without him feels so empty. I lie next to him at night and think that if this was what heaven was like, forever would be fine by me. I used to not even really be scared of dying, but now either one of us being without the other sounds like torture.
It's not just the lost of a lover, but a soulmate, life companion and best friend. It's like a biggest part of your life was ripped out and all you can do is either try to fill the void or learn to live without that person.
Time doesn't heal anything, it just makes it's easier to keep going without them. It's that feeling of being left behind that occasionally would creep up on you.
I came on reddit to laugh, I didn't expect to be so heartbroken after the first post...
Already been an emotional evening and this post here makes it more emotional 💜
I feel this so hard. I lost my husband 7.5 years ago when he was only 34, and I’m usually okay but the other day I was looking at our son (who looks a lot like him) and I lost it.
I chug along, mostly okay — really lonely, but mostly okay. I expect to occasionally feel sad but sometimes these things hit out of the blue. And like the author of the tweet, a lot of times it’ll hit right in the middle of a happy moment.
as a wise person once said, “What is grief, if not love persevering?”
your love for him is eternal, and that’s never ever a bad thing. it hits in the happy moments because we wish we could share them with the people we lost, that’s love. you can do this ♥️
Yup. This is how grief works, it waits for a good moment to kick you in the heart with the pain of not being able to share that moment with the person you love. My husband has been gone for 4.5yrs now, my crying has decreased to only 5 or 6 times a week now but all the highs and lows are more painful than they should be.
I can relate so much with this. My wife is my whole world.
This is why I hope I go before my wife... I simply cannot bear the thought of continuing without her... it would destroy me. I'm 15 years older, so statistically it will probably be me... but there are no guarantees in life, so you never really know.
I can’t 😭
"What is grief, if not love persevering?"
There's a moment from one of my favorite sci-fi shows, Babylon 5, where a character talks about his wife and how, even years later, he would sometimes see something on TV, think to himself "Oh she would love this!", then turns around. Every single time it happens, for a moment, he wonders why she's not there.
love is loss.
...not sure who he is but thats pain.
The *only* thing I'm afraid of now is the thought of my wife dying before me. That's it.
What is grief, but love persevering?
This sums up marriage as well as anything I've ever read.
Aw man... I gotta outlive my wife. I can't leave her here with you assholes.
And for this recipe, you'll need a wide non stick skillett....
I found the girl of my dreams in the middle of the pandemic last year, we got engaged in January and we’re getting married in November.
I’m excited about living a long life with her, sharing every experience, food and expense. I can’t imagine a life without her and I’m going to be a wreck after she’s gone, and she too would be the same if I went first.
I’m sobbing just writing this comment.
Having that sensation to share experiences is the best feeling in life and his wife who is gone still gives that to him. Love is pretty cool when it's like that even if it is very sad in the end.
I'm only 18 and have never dated anyone, I have never even had a crush that lasted more than a few days, and yet this post still gives me the desperation not to lose the person I love... Even though I have never had anyone.
When I got a raise at work I started to call my grandmother to tell her how happy I was then I remembered she's been gone for a couple years. I did the same years ago after my mom passed. I miss them, I miss talking with them and hugging them.
My grandpa died from esophageal cancer in 2018. He had to drink his food for months, and after that, had to be tube fed to eat anything. There was a point in time overlapping christmas that the cancer became too small to be detected and things were looking good. I was gonna learn to cook beef wellington for when he was fully recovered, we all kinda had similar plans. About a month after christmas we were told the cancer had spread and he was gone very shortly after that.
I've still not made Beef Wellington.
Bless all you who have loved and lost. I read soo many of your comments on this post and was brought to tears for many of you and I believe myself to be pretty hardened in this life. I have lost many loved ones and have grieved but it never goes away because the love never goes away for that person regardless of where they are now. I wish the best in your progression towards less and less heart ache and one day we will see our loved ones again no matter where you believe them to be. ❤️
It’s been 13 years since my first wife died suddenly. I’m happily married these days and doing quite well, but … yeah. It takes time and it hits some people harder than others.
My last girlfriend was someone who I’d known for over 15 years & fell in love with the moment I saw her. She was married but her Policeman husband emotionally controlled her so much, as she was “on her way out”, with my help, she filed for divorce. He simply said he would hurt their kid and have her and me arrested by planting drugs on us. That drove her to take her own life Feb 2019. My life for the next 12 months was a constant up & down of starting to cry but never “breaking down”; life was unenjoyable, my emotions were all over the place & I was a mess.
What I missed about her that was the biggest unexpected shock, was no more messages. We would easily do 30-40 per day but that intimate shared stream on consciousness between us just stopped like a tap that had been turned off.
When lockdown started it was hard as I’ve been alone since and knowing it would have been so much better if she had been here did affect me. I love to travel & wanted to with her, rather than tell her about my trip when I got back. I had booked a surprise Valentine’s Day NYC weekend but she died before we could go.
When the UK finally relaxes things, I want to resume travelling & see my friends, especially those at least an ocean away. Meantime, you take every day as it comes & deal with the pain & pleasure those amazing memories bring, in equal measure.
Awh. This made me cry. Thinking of you.
My dear daddy died 24 years ago. I think of him daily & cried the other night when I heard his favorite Muddy Waters track. He was a terrific dad & no family gathering or event is quite as enjoyable.
Mine passed a year and a half ago. He was always super into cooking. Everytime I make something really good or find a cool gadget its like.... "oh dad would love..."
I read the first sentence wrong, thought it said my wife almost died. That fucking ending was a gut punch once I realized my mistake.
Know the feeling Scott
Goodness I’ve never had a relationship before but these posts really do bring a tear to my eye
This is low-key actually nightmare fuel. I pray this man has peace and clarity.
r/WhitePeopleTwitter started out as a way to show dumb rednecks on Twitter, but now it’s full of people with good opinions and just overall wholesome stuff
My ex of 11 years left me a few months ago. I still find myself turning to ask her opinion on something or share a funny picture with her, only to be left with an empty feeling as I remember she's not there. I just hope it gets easier with time.
Lost my wife 4 years ago.I miss her the most anytime something good happens that I would have liked to have shared with her.Also have cried during a nice meal.Got the best advice from an old widow lady who told me that she just had to accept that life would not ever be as good as it was,and just make the most of what is left.Good luck,my friend.
My mum died in September 2020. When I was cleaning my basement, I found an old videotape of Christmas 1997. I was delighted - there were both my parents and my daughters when they were small. I asked Dad if he’d like a copy; he said “I can’t. It’ll hurt too much.”
Stupid allergies making my eyes water.
I could feel that hard and my wife is still alive.
I went through a divorce, three years now. We haven't contacted each other in two years. I'm not even sure what state they live in. I still very much miss them. But...since it was a divorce, you can't say anything like this. "Wow, what a loser".
So you just tell everyone you're over it, what else can you do? I threw away all pictures of them. Don't talk about any good memories of them with family or friends or social media. Doing that would be considered pathetic. Its a lonely grief you can't share.
Recently divorced, still cry a lot over it, stuff like this is what gets me the most. All I want to do is call him and catch him up on everything that's happened since he's been gone. Lost my best friend.
This is exactly what im afraid of will happen to my grandpa. My grandmother passed away today, after three days of being sure she wont survive. They were together for over 50 years. She was only 75, way too young, but after and aneurysm two weeks ago and getting much better, the worst that could haplen, did happen. Im still very much in shock that she wont ever be with us. She was always the light of the room. So enthousiastic about everything. My grandparents would come to our house everyother day, so it will be really strange without her. Especially for my grandpa since he has live with her for most of his life and they had such memorable experiences, that were also yet to come.
I just can't stop thinking about everything i wont be able to share with her. My first love, me graduating high school and later university, and just all the smal things. Like llaying games after dinner and cooking together.
When you share a passion for something with the person you love it’s always hard having that reminder when they’re no longer with you. Grieving can be a process that has no time constraint.
So sorry. That’s real love. She’s always in your heart.
Reminds me that my best friend passed away in 2004.
Now and again I start to call her on the phone to share something with her, then realize I can’t.
Mine died in 2015. I can sooo relate to your pain
Yup this is what gets me. It's wanting to share awesome moments with that person whose no longer in your life. It's a haunting feeling..
My dad died the 31st.... I am gonna be dealing with the same thoughts the rest of my life since him and I got along so well and shared cooking photos when we each cooked..
My girlfriend and I had been together for a while, but we broke up a couple months ago after a tough year trying to weather COVID. There are so many times where I see something or think of a joke that I know she would have loved, and just get sad all over again.
And that was a break up. I can't imagine the grief this man must feel.
I just burst into tears. My wife and I are divorcing and recently found out about a serious blood clot she has. I texted her today to take a walk at the beach. She said no and asked "what is wrong with you?" Because I thought maybe we'd get to one more time God forbid I'm thinking to myself.
Next month will be six years for me. I still find myself reaching to my phone to tell her things.
I get this, my wife has been gone 8.5 years and everyday there are things I want to tell her, especially the 5 grand children born after she passed..
I have feelings, and you made me feel every last one of them.
I so know what is is he is experiencing - it is shared and I pray for those who go thru it to have their pain eased as they go
You did share it with her cause she is in your ❤
Fucking onions ...
I’m a single ass dude with less-than-average sympathy for others (which I’m not sure I’m proud of) But this...this makes my heart feel weird :(
“I also choose this guy’s dead wife”
Scrolled down too far to find this.
Ok but his name is "longwood01"
Oh good god this hurt. I’m scared for exactly this. I’ve told my wife that if there is one selfish trait I know I have it’s that I want to die before her and my daughter as idk how I would cope with the loss of either of them.
My grandmother died in 2003. My grandfather, last year. A few months ago I was in their old apartment, the apartment I grew up in and which I am currently refurbishing. I bought some really pretty new bedsheets and as I was putting them away in a dresser, I thought my grandmother would have really really loved them too. I cried like half an hour clutching the pack.
I can read the pain and sadness in his post, and it’s just heart breaking.
Sorry dude. I can’t imagine. I’ve tried to imagine losing my wife or child for personal perspective when I think I got hard times. Your years of sadness is a testament of love. Pure true poetry if that’s consolation. Carry on. Thanks for posting, big shooter.
My wife is my best friend. She tells I'm hers also.