By - PoonSwoggle
What’s even the point of getting married if you can’t make inappropriate sexual jokes/puns with each other? Bonus points if you do one when they can’t respond (like on a work call) and you get to watch as they try to stifle their laughter.
My wife always tells me she didn’t know how to roll her eyes until she met me. Lol
Yeah, get it.
ah, the good ol’ r/mdma
My husband and I do not have this. He is my best friend but we’ve never been the type of people to make inappropriate jokes as it was, so it would be forced to do it now.
He does make mad corny jokes and I always ask, “Do you feel good about that?”
"Do you feel good about that?" Is an absolutely savage response and you better believe I am going to use it.
Haha he started using it on me too so be careful!
You say it’s savage, but whenever my partner says that I feel incredibly proud
My husband likes to make inappropriate jokes at the absolute worst and most awkward times. He forged an unlikely bond with our reproductive endocrinologist who.....also likes to make inappropriate jokes at the worst times, but most of the time cannot because she’s a professional. And fertility treatments provide many many opportunities to make inappropriate jokes. They will make great stories when our kids are old enough to understand and appreciate dirty humor. And the retelling of these same jokes will itself provide even more awkward moments that we can share with our children. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
You can't just say all that and not give an example of the jokes.
Yes. Like the other commenter. I need jokes!
I’m glad you’re happy, but I think it’s pretty normal to not enjoy other people’s farts
My friends dad said he knew his daughter had found the one when he openly made short jokes in front of her parents.
Yes this is the goal
The dad got out dad-joked
The best kind of coffee on the market
*Gwyneth Paltrow has entered the chat*
Legit lol'd at that. TY
Don’t touch this comment. It’s sitting perfect at 69.
Edit: they touched it. Fucking children.
Now it’s 96 tho
Now it’s -6!!!
Speaking as a gay man
Wait is there something wrong with pumpkin spice? I love it so much
Yo this is a Wendy's
Fuck this person!
And the twat that decided to drop him here.
Just from the lackadaisical way you copy this response and paste in different subs, I can tell that you are a lazy bum.
it’s a copypasta my guy
Hm no, very unwise
Ah yes, fresh elneeeeee copypasta
This is certainly not lackadaisical. A thoroughly enjoyable comment. So true too.
Did he take her up on it?
This dude really just asked for crotch-spilled coffee cleanup erotica...
- The Barista always spills twice
- A tale of two bean grinders
- Her first Venti
- Affogato Summer
- Espresso for three
- Mistress Macchiato
Sounds like some Harlequins I read back in the day. Romance novels are basically soft core porn.
50 shades of grain
I'll have Espresso for three and one of those lovely 🥐 please.
Yeah! Normally you gotta pay extra for that.
Worth a shot
That’s why I’m here. ....nobody else?...ok then
Asking the real questions
I'm down with it.
I used to make coffee and sing “The best part of waking up- is grabbing her B cup!” My wife never found that funny.
I divorced her.
B-cupper here. That’s hilarious.
Okay now kith
For real though, I love me some B-Cup ladies (and lads). It's the perfect size IMO. Perfect for one handed use and you don't have to be a jongleur to dual wield them.
Damn, he can’t even be the funny one. But doesn’t matter had sex!
I was driving and my wife and I both got some bottled iced tea. She asked me if I wanted mine. I said yes, so she opened the bottle and dumped it on my crotch. Not like we hit a bump or anything, she just reached over and poured about 1/3 of it all over my junk. Since I was driving, I could do nothing but have wet balls. She looked more surprised about it than I did and then she said "I thought your dick was thirsty". Very smooth.
I'm so perplexed
Are they going to keep on replacing whoever's in charge?
How did you clean the car seat?
His or hers.
How do you think he got his username?
My wife asks if I “want to go to the pumpkin patch”. *wink wink*
She’s a ginger and I love her.
That would be music to my ears
What a keeper!
She sounds like a keeper!
This belongs in r/awww
What a terrible day to be literate
Every day is a terrible day to be literate on Reddit.
I am awaiting for the day of doom that is approaching us since the day I joined Reddit
You, too? r/ihatereddit
I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.
Well.. whatever works for you, I guess.
Not sure why you're getting all the hate, this is fucking hilarious.
I'm gonna get downvoted, but this made me laugh a lot
Me too. Why all the hate?
A thread of toenail clippings and wet bread it seems. No humour.
What that young lady needs to be chewing on is The Bible
I dont get it
I’m stuck thinking this is a new drink now
I don't understand it can someone explain?
Twat mixed with latte.
The fact that you have to pronounce twat the American way to get this joke to work pisses me off.
But then again, pumpkin spice is characteristically an American thing but damn, it’s twat not twot.
Contrarianism at its finest. Color. Mold. Jewelry. Judgment. Program. Center. Soda. Biscuit. Twat. Fanny. Analyze. Fahrenheit.
What? No Twot is a vagina, Twat is pretentious idiot, you discount muppet.
"Twot" is just an alternate spelling of "twat". It means vulva OR pretentious cunt, you twat.
You are incorrect you bellend, out in the colonies twot and twat have two very different meanings.
I'm in the "colonies", and we pronounce "twat" as if it were spelled "twot". My friends in the "old dart" say it as twat, whether referring to a minge or a pretentious cunt.
Isint language beautiful.
'k'n' oath, mate.
Twot is the US bastardization of the word twat, which means both a vagina and/or pretentious idiot depending on context. Twot isn’t a word on its own, does that make you the dollar store muppet?
Listen here you windy wallet, down in Ozzy and new Zealand twot and twat have two very different meanings and I'm quite sure we can agree the yanks couldn't use either correctly.
For science tho I have conferred with my cockney wife and she has confirmed that twat is for idiots twot is for vagina.
Upvoting for creative insults. Still don’t think another Brit would ever say twot, the way I’ve seen them get heated about the pronunciation LOL
'Down in Ozzy'? Well you're clearly a septic in disguise. 'Twot' does not exist in Australia. It's 'twat', meaning stupid person. We don't call a cunt, fanny, vagina or pussy a 'twat'.
You clearly arnt Ozzy enough, you're probably a Sydneyspider.
I came looking for the spelling mistake comment.
Lucky Bastard. Somehow my wife would have found a reason why it was all my fault.
That's not okay
Aye bro, you good?
Well she drinks pumpkin spiced lattes, and she spills them...so he married a clumsy basic bitch. Congratulations to him, he must ride the bench on the worst team in the lowest league in whatever game version of life he’s playing
Do you feel good about they comment?
You’re fun at parties huh?
In everyone's collective experience, it is the person that says this ^ that is not fun at parties. Who wants a broken gramophone who can only cherrypick the most popular buzz phrases to say?
You're fun at parties huh?
Fish sauce coffee
I thought the fish thing was just a myth
It's usually a sign of infection
No that's what it smells like. Fish sauce. Not fish. Fish sauce.
You smell any fish sauce, that person needs a doctor.
I guess every woman I've been with needs a doctor
I guess so. Damn, and maybe you too? Just to be safe.
Women's vaginas don't naturally smell like fish. You may have something that you're passing onto these women that is changing their pH levels. Or maybe you just have differently wired nose/taste buds. Statically, it's super unlikely it's all women if the common denominator is you.
You sure this is the wife and NOT the side piece?...this sounds like side piece shit right here.
If you marry right, your wife exudes 'side piece energy'.
That's horrendously gross