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suicideking135

why did I even stay to watch this


JungleBoyJeremy

To learn the secret of where cucumbers come from?


_AlreadyTaken_

Your salad tastes like shit.


AllTattedUpJay

It is shit, Austin!


JudoMoose

Oh good so it's not just me.


D_is_for_Cookie

Shouldn’t read comments at a funeral. Lesson learned.


enigmamonkey

Imagine having to explain your sudden random cackling at a funeral. > Sorry, instead of paying my respects, I was reading the comment thread on a video of a guy having a cucumber surgically removed from his ass.


YourFaceCausesMePain

To learn the secret of where pickles come from? FTFY


JungleBoyJeremy

That only works if the guy drinks a bottle of vinegar at the same time


spiffyP

and snorts a line of dill


pixl_graphix

dill *doh*


cmmedit

We stayed to see it wiggle like a fish on a hook outta the water.


iLikeAlmonds

“My asscumbers wiggle wiggle then *shlorp*”


BrolecopterPilot

My cucumber don’t wiggle wiggle


padizzledonk

>why did I even stay to watch this Same here lmao


Greyst0ke

While hilarious, nice of the doctors to film it and unleash it to the world. Guessing there are no HIPAA type laws in whatever country this is (Russia?) At least they didn't show the unconscious face.


deadlyenmity

No identifying information, no hipaa violation lol. HIPAA is a very specific law


Dat_Butt_Hot

People really think they understand HIPAA when they haven’t ever researched it or worked in healthcare lmao. And then you have the scarier case of healthcare workers who are just as clueless. Always amazes me. Edit: changed a word


dmfd1234

I wouldn’t have minded if they showed my face. I have a pretty good relationship with the staff at this hospital. They did say that they were surprised to be seeing my butthole again so soon after the last time. The Rubiks Cube last week was a bit more of a challenge but nothing like the ukulele last Summer.


carnage11eleven

The Rubik's Cube was only challenging because the surgeon was so set on solving it before he removed it.


sdp1981

Those folks at Guinness are getting harder and harder to satisfy/impress each year.


TracyMorganFreeman

Neither their face nor their personal information is given, plus they could have consented. It was likely intended as a training moment.


The_RockObama

"Alright guys, we're going to begin the training ceremony. Bill, insert the cucumber."


chocolateboomslang

"This is my favourite part"


corvidae21

"Alright it's out. And according to the rules, whoever lost the bet has to eat it. Jimmy, that's you."


napstimpy

Always use a cucumber with a flared base.


ThickPrick

My sister has a pet cucumber that sleeps under her pillow. They don’t live long. She has had several.


moms_butt

She kept stealing my stash


Natsurulite

What the fuck ~~is this username~~ are all these usernames? Edit: what fucking timeline am I in


monkey_anal_beads

Who knows man, some people have weird usernames


AssicusCatticus

So, uh...anal bead FOR monkeys, or anal beads made OUT of monkeys? Inquiring minds want to know!


Hobocannibal

the world is better off not knowing.


Reeking_Crotch_Rot

I'm not seeing anything weird. . ?


CUM_AT_ME_BRAH

Sup


DickStuckInGround

You’re in the right place.


TehWildMan_

I don't know, but this sounds like a pretty crazy party.


pm_me_yourpussylips

(<\_\_<)


The_Condominator

Like a butternut squash


byNLB

Omg that's a very clean colon


przyjaciel

that's just because they removed a toilet brush earlier


EverythingHurtsDan

Fucking hell lmao


Chief_Givesnofucks

I think fucking cucumbers


Doc_SuperBallZzz

Pickle Rick's Adventures


Thetippon

'Let's go. In and out, 20 minute adventure'


whatsupskip

And a dozen long stemmed red roses. Read the card, read the card!


greet_the_sun

"It was a total freak accident I just happened to fall on it at the right angle." "Now sir, I'm not calling you a liar, but I am going to point out that if this wasn't premeditated then you just so happen to have a suspiciously clean colon."


queernhighonblugrass

Million to one shot, doc. Million to one.


-AdamTheGreat-

ASS MAN!!!!!!!! To think I almost split the profits on the Manssiere with you!


SlammingPussy420

#BRO!


CrestedBlazer

Mansiere!


ImTay

No shit, as an ER nurse I’m still surprised this is peoples go-to excuse whenever the come in with a foreign object where it shouldn’t be Edit: If the bottom doesn’t flair, don’t stick it up there.


Omnifob

I would go with "I caught it from a toilet seat"


airbornchaos

I would go with, "I don't like chewing."


JHFTWDURG

Why does it hurt when i peeeeheeheeee


Now_runner

I mean, they known they are lying. You know they are lying. They know you know. I have to imagine it's just so they don't have to say, "a cucumber was the best thing I could find".


Weinatightspotboys

> No shit exactly


Funkit

Wait people seriously say they fell on it??


keenanpepper

Million-to-one shot, doc


SSBoe

Also, why was is lubricated?


tommos

It's one of those new Monsanto GMO self lubricating cucumber varietals.


Weinatightspotboys

I hope that was the seedless strain. Cucumbers are known to be terrible baby daddies.


shadowabbot

I guess it doesn't matter which direction you ingest fiber.


DemonRaptor1

I came to the comments to see if anyone else was thinking the same thing. Like damn, not a spec of shit in the shit assembly line. How.


douira

>How. cleaning and preparation


Thendofreason

You don't put things in without making sure you are empty


nightpanda893

I was gonna say, by the time you’ve graduated to cucumbers, you learned a long time ago how to make sure you’re clean up there


rick-dicking-morty

“graduated to cucumbers” is a phrase I’ve never expected to encounter in my life


dmfd1234

Thank you very much, I try to keep it tidy.


PalatialCheddar

Well if they have anal cavities, they need to brush better


Omnifob

They had a cavity and tried to apply a filling themselves


karmaredemption

This kids, is why you need to chew your food !


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MR_Butt-Licker

You watched this in a restaurant?


Nardorian1

Your date is having zero fun.


padizzledonk

If he shows her the video they might stop at a supermarket otw home and they might both have a lot more fun Or she leaves immediately Either way it's a win for her lol


B_1_R_D

More like “kids this is why you should stay in school so you can be the one reeling in this catch of the day.”


looneypumpkin

Clearly he slipped and fell on it.


Razor-dome

Worked in a hospital many years ago. “Things stuck in asses” was a recurring theme - like, weekly. Most of the people gave the “I fell on it” excuse, but occasionally you’d get the guy who copped to it. Those were generally the people that liked to party.


RexRocker

An ex girlfriend was a nurse she told me the same thing. She said one dude had a toy or model boat jammed up his ass lol.


Banhammer-Reset

Fairly certain that dude was Ryan Dunn


joe579003

You could tell it was something new for the Japanese doctors, though.


SwillFish

My friend's father had to remove a Frappuccino bottle from a guy's ass.


Nibble_on_this

When I was training for nursing in a college in the sticks, the hospital where I trained kept a FILE of non-ID'd copies of x-rays of Stuff Stuck Up Asses. The collection was massive, and they'd break it out to us newbies to get us all freaked out about what we were getting into with nursing. There's a LOT of gallows and other inappropriate humor in the medical field, if you didn't already guess that.


looneypumpkin

Lol I can believe it!!


Fat_Lenny

"Million to one shot, Doc! Million to one!"


auntiecoagulant

You *are* The Assman. (Is your username a Ween reference?)


55124

Never garden naked.


IsItSupposedToDoThat

I was thinking “who would use a cucumber so small that there’s a risk of losing it up there?”…then he shits out a foot-long vegetable.


OnlyMath

Bro he ain’t shittin that’s an eviction.


ybtlamlliw

Excavation more like.


Crimsonclaw111

Use a flared base


lexattack

If there’s no flare, it doesn’t go there.


1stLtObvious

It's just making it *worse*!


SACRED-GEOMETRY

I once provided anesthesia for a male patient whose girlfriend had stuck a large dildo inside him that did have a flared base. She got the whole thing inside. No idea how long they waited, but they came in around midnight. Took us about an hour to remove.


B_1_R_D

Probably bc the batteries had just died.


Luxpreliator

Could they not be evacuated with the next bowel movement? Some irregularly shaped thing I can understand needing extraction and things that might be sharp and puncture the intestines. A smooth object seems relative begin and likely to pass with some extra breakfast bran.


Open_Message_7536

Imagine a large object up your ass. Are you waiting three or more hours on the off chance it'll get pushed out naturally instead of causing agonizing pain


syds

you didnt have to get me to imagine it, but here we are now


SACRED-GEOMETRY

I don't know. The gastroenterologist decided to remove it. I just put the man to sleep.


Tera_au

Without a base, without a trace


dkf295

I’m 8 generations in and still can’t quite get those flared bases out of my cucumbers and well… a man has needs.


MCE85

That pure cold wave of terror when they realized its stuck.


I_make_things

Either that or it was the plan all along.


MCE85

Right! No no dock you gotta go deeper


asshatnowhere

What I don't get is, can't you just poop it out?


stronggebaser

probably causes constipation BECAUSE it's too big to poop out


uchua

Imagine going through years of medical school and you end up having to do this


RandMart68

It’s one of the most popular procedures done here at the ER🫤 and the lies explaining as to why its there is on it’s own level.


uchua

Dr: "How did this happen" Patient: "I slipped in the shower." Dr. "Sir, there are two cucumbers and a potato in your ass."


przyjaciel

that's not a fetish, that's a soup


Jcdoco

Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going.


serr7

It’s a assalad…


runner64

Tried to get the first cucumber out with another cucumber.


firemogle

A frankly logical and prudent series of events there.


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RichBoomer

Ahhmmm, I was making a salad while naked and I slipped on some spilled Italian dressing.


DrT33th

Does anyone actually just admit what they were doing or like…”plz sign up for my OF”


RandMart68

Just once: “let me guess, you slipped ? “ “No I just like putting things in my ass. “ the most honest we’ll ever get. Slipped , “SO did that “ , “I had to hide it” are pretty popular .


DrT33th

Lo, ol?! what? “I HAD to hide it” like it’s a murder weapon 😂


Hypocriticuss

"I can't let my friends see me eating a cucumber. They'll think I'm gay!"


dk01

My aunt worked at a University medical system in a somewhat conservative area and she said they do these All. The. Time. Basically young adults leave home and seem to realize they have this b-hole they’ve never explored and just can’t stop sticking stuff up there.


syds

instructions unclear


BNLforever

Lol immediate B Hole awareness with the first step out of the house


RichBoomer

Performing a digital disimpaction as a nurse or medical student is a rite of passage. Google if you dare.


ElGosso

*Digital* disimpaction? Wow they can do amazing things with computers these days!


uchua

I know exactly what that is and I do not dare lol


legalgirl18

I dared. Gross.


mustafabot

Hahahahaha we just did this to one of our students last week. The resident had to supervise so it was like a 2 for 1.


Smitty-1997

One of the funniest parts of being an emergency room nurse, so many foreign body rectum “accidents”


everythingerased

Over five years and I only saw a few… some Disney toy, an entire dildo, splinters from a wooden broom. You see anything more wacky?


Smitty-1997

Most wacky would have been a mid 70’s male with a Christmas tree shaped dildo stuck in his rectum. Had to help the general surgeon retrieve it via conscious sedation. Pretty sure he would have had to wear a diaper for a long time after that… I was literally elbow deep in there


boboganoush1

Good god...elbow deep. I recoiled when I read that LOL. Cheers to you!


PensecolaMobLawyer

>I was literally elbow deep in there I'd rather be back in combat than ever have to do that


syds

i never get the wood part. like cmon !!


skerlegon

https://youtu.be/ySd-MYoOFo4


B_1_R_D

It’s a salad shooter


fractiousrhubarb

Doctor says “you’re not eating properly”


BadSausageFactory

another victim of slippery grocery store floors no doubt


Watcheditburn

My wife used to work in the ER as a PA. She had a patient come in with an apple up beyond where the patient could get it back out. When she asked if they had done it before, the patient said yes, but that it was larger and further in than before. They had to consult surgery because it was too far up.


Hotel_Oblivion

How the fuck did this get on the internet? I'm totally suing my doctor.


catastropheisme

maybe it’s like the guys friend recording and they both mutually agreed to upload it


Hotel_Oblivion

"Dude. Make sure you get this on video. I'm totally going to rack up some huge karma on Reddit."


spiffyP

\#cloutcumber


damageinc55

HIPAA protects you from healthcare releasing your records, not your bro.


chowindown

TIL doctors can't legally release your bro.


acmercer

Dude, where's my bro?


awful_source

Almost positive this isn’t in the US. HIPAA wouldn’t apply.


black_rose_

Every time I watch one of these I'm like who the fuck is filming


Melodic_Raspberry806

The other one filming is the “husband”: “Congratulations, it’s a cucumber!”


thestonernextdoor88

I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this.


Smeeizme

u/gifreversingbot


Mr_Incredible_PhD

Oh you sick fuck I love you


techie96

Sicko.


Dragmire800

Why can’t you just shit things that get stuck up there out?


ankit___17

So apparently there comes a point in penetration where the anus starts sucking things in and it eventually leads to such cases.


It_builds_character

But like, after this point - why can’t you shit it out after?


Kangaroo_Red_Rocket

Poo isn't a long rigid object. Our colon muscles need maliable substance to push it along, like squeezing toothpaste from a tube. Try it , shove a cucumber up ya butt then try push it out


humansubjects

brb.


Shimmy_Diggs

Hospital


KnowOneDotNinja

They weren't right back, so you may be right


Eclipse_Tosser

I love a place where any sudden absence is grounds for accusations of being a reverse vegetarian


nuker1110

> Reverse Vegetarian So the cucumber ate *him*?


aaaaaaaarrrrrgh

Instructions unclear, cucumber stuck in butt?


Rudy69

Leave it there for a few days and it will get softer lol


DemonRaptor1

That's no longer a cucumber, that's now a pickle.


Neitio

Prison pickle


smarshall561

What a horrible day to have an internet connection


noonmoon6

Take me off this ride!


IrrelevantPuppy

Lol I love how that comes across as “there’s actually a good demonstrative tool to show you what’s happening here. First you stuck a cucumber up your butt. See? Notice how you can’t shit it out. Now you know.”


Clame

Your body contracts muscles to push things through your intestines. Think like a tube of toothpaste. You know how that last bit is always hard to get because it never comes out the tip unless you really scrape it? Same thing here, except it would be like trying to squeeze out a chunk of carrot through the tube, and your intestines can't scrape it. Thus it is stuck.


It_builds_character

That is gross but I understand it better. Thank you.


Flyrpotacreepugmu

You can eventually. Stuff with rigid shapes like this might not want to come out alone though, since it has to go around a curve and the force pushing it along might be less than the force of the curve pushing back. People also tend to tense up and panic when this stuff happens, and the body's natural reaction is to put non-urgent tasks like defecating on hold until the crisis is over and they relax. Once some poo builds up above it to push it along, it should come right out, but then there's the matter of dealing with the discomfort of waiting hours or days to reach that point as well as potential damage or infection from having a foreign object in there that long. And that's assuming the object is of a shape that can come out as easily as it goes in, which is true in this case but not always.


eisenburg

Im no doctor and only talking out my ass (haha) here but I would assume the human anus (or any anus for that matter) is designed to move shit through it. I’d assume something smooth like a cucumber is not as easy for whatever process is involved to move


Toytles

Bro go take the MCAT!


betterworld62

>Im no doctor and only talking out my ass (haha) here but I would assume the human anus (or any anus for that matter) is designed to move shit through it. **I’d assume something smooth like a cucumber is not as easy for whatever process is involved to move** Exactly! Which is why I always insert a small cactus when I'm in the mood. The anus then has something to grab onto.


Big-Refrigerator5339

5 bucks if you eat it


cornylamygilbert

forbidden marinated zucchini salad


Spawnacus

Hospital cleaner chiming in.. You'd be amazed how common cases like these are.


AlienDarwin

They got into a real.pickle.


ls3095

Went in cucumber, came out pickle.


nomonopolyonpie

Cousin is a nurse, used to work at a local hospital. One of the local college professors had been in multiple times to remove the tea light candles from his ass.


BlackSuN42

Must be hard to keep them lit.


CaptValentine

Tea candles? Like...the the real short ones? The fuck did he start out with, Peppermint patties? Is he working his way to to cans of tuna?


iskin

Dammit. I was trying not to masturbate today.


SullenTerror

Flared bases people. FLARED. BASES.


themarajade1

That’s a zucchini


Doodiewater

Still looks edible!


SsamJokes

Pride month is officially over.


Secksiignurd

..............*Oh wow.*


beltjones

The nurse instantly getting a phone out for a picture of the cucumber is classic ER nurse shit.


wrenchgg

👌nothing bigger than a penis - Dr Drew.


PollutedButtJuice

hey Hitler


BrianOconneR34

I was a, a, gardening, gardening at night I tell ya, I prefer not to sweat, sticky clothes upset me, cling, gardening, why nude? Why not, slipped, took a wrong step, bam, ‘cumber tooted all up in that ass!


monkey_trumpets

14 years of school $200,000 money spent ​ Only to pull cucumbers out of butts.


MisterDonkey

I think this would've been the highlight of my week if I was a doctor.


Isthill-ben

The doctor’s mask is about as helpful as the transparent shorts with asshole access.


EFTucker

Please people, use a toy with a base. Stop using things that can get lost up there!!!


firemogle

Ok, but now I have 30 Warhammer 40k figures in my ass. Bases and all.


EFTucker

As god intended